


To the End, I Would Defend You

by taeyongsan



Series: Until the End, Until the End [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (Self-harm is very brief and only shows up in the first two parts), Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Denial of Feelings, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-05-28 11:21:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 195,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19393078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyongsan/pseuds/taeyongsan
Summary: Love was something that came naturally to the couples before them. But to them, it felt like it wouldn't. When it finally did, it felt beautiful, like pieces falling into place. Love was something they needed to work on every day and it was hard to look at each other, much less love each other sometimes. But at the end of the day, it was still love. It was honest, real love they shared. And even though he lost it in the end, he was able to experience it with him and he will cherish that forever.





	1. The Great Escape and the Prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on this behemoth of a thing since 2016 and I'm still working on it, in the year of 2019. It has been tough but I have come to love it. I'm posting it now because I am happy enough with how it has turned out so far and if I try to fix it any more, I will most certainly lose my mind completely. This is as good as it will get. I hope everyone enjoys!
> 
> Warnings for this part: Minor Character Death, Internalized Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm

Word of the Empress's plans arrived in Iwamoto during the middle of the night.

Sayuri awoke to the sound of voices in the main room of the house. They were deep and hushed, speaking too quickly for her to understand. She quietly pulled herself off the bed, reaching for her robe to pull over her shirt. On the bed, Momoka stirred. Her short arms stretched over her head, a small grunt sounding through the room. Sayuri stilled, her eyes on the small girl. After ensuring that she hadn’t woken up, Sayuri tightened her robe around her body, crossing her arms over her chest. She stepped towards the door that separated the bedroom and the main room, careful not to make too much noise. The door opened a little, enough for her to peek out.

She looked through the crack and found three silhouettes of three men.

The more familiar man of the three seemed to be comforting one of the other men. He had his hand on the man's shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. When he said a few comforting words to the man, Sayuri knew that it was indeed her husband. 

“You have to go now, Tatsuo-san,” the man that wasn’t being comforted said. “It is not safe to stay any longer.”

The man's voice startled her and what he said startled her even more. Something had happened. It was unusual for people to visit in the middle of the night in the village. It was something that happened when there was an emergency. Her heart began beating hard in her chest, her hands shaking as she pulled her robe tighter once more.

Sayuri tried to make out their faces as they continued to speak quietly. The only light came from a lantern placed upon the table, the radius of its light not wide enough to see who the men could be. She listened closer, hoping to be able to recognize their whispering voices.

“My wife has just had a child,” Tatsuo was saying. He pulled his hand back from the man that he was comforting. His voice was filled with worry when he spoke. “What am I to do about him? He will not survive in the harsh weather.”

“Do not fret, Tatsuo-san,” the man said. Sayuri closed her eyes and focused on the voice, finding it very familiar. She definitely knew this man. “I have someone that can help your wife and children. He lives in Hinagu. He has sent his son here to help people.”

Frustrated, Sayuri opened her eyes. She had definitely heard that voice before but could not recall who it was. She looked back at the three men. 

Tatsuo looked up at the man. His back was towards Sayuri but she knew what kind of expression he had on his face. Concerned and untrusting. “And this man can be trusted, Matsumoto-san?”

Sayuri held her breath as she watched Matsumoto hesitate. Sayuri did know Matsumoto. He was her age, someone she had gone to school with. He was a good man with a wife and a son of his own. Matsumoto looked hard in appearance, intimidating at first glance with his broad build and strong facial features, but he was someone kind and genuine underneath all of it. 

“His intentions are good,” he finally replied.

There was a pause. 

“We must go now,” Matsumoto said, reaching for the other man that had not spoken. 

Sayuri watched as Matsumoto took the unknown man’s hand, pulling him along by his sleeve. Tatsuo led them back to the door. He hesitated but opened it after a moment. 

“I will see you,” he said.

When Tatsuo turned and began to make his way towards the bedroom, Sayuri hurried back. She stepped away from the door, careful to not make noise. The loud creaking of the floorboards told her that he was right outside the door and Sayuri barely made it back to the bed as the squeal of the door’s hinges rang through the room. She buried her face into the pillow, hastily pulling the blanket over her body.

“Sayuri-chan?” Tatsuo called out. He took a few steps towards the bed. “Sayuri-chan?”

Sayuri pretended to wake up. She sat up in bed, running her palms over her eyes. When she met her husband's eyes, she could see the concern in his eyes. “What’s wrong. Tatsuo?”

“Sayuri,” Tatsuo said slowly and carefully. He placed a hand on her shoulder, gave her a squeeze. “Prepare the children. We must leave Iwamoto now.”

* * *

Modan-ri was a comfortable place. Far from the palace and hidden beyond the forested Yuksan Mountains that took a few days to cross through, many people were unaware that it even existed. The roads that led to Modan-ri were not fully developed and they were dangerous to travel on with the falling rocks of the mountains and raging rivers. Visitors were not common in such a small village that was difficult to get to.

Thus, outsiders were welcomed into Modan-ri because of their rarity. Traders came through the area every few weeks and were treated like treasures. Travelers that were making their way through appeared once or twice every season; when they made their way into Modan-ri, they were treated like royalty. There was always buzz when someone new arrived in the village.

Yuta knew that twenty-five years ago his family had created such a buzz. Traders were the most common, travelers passing through were rare, but a family looking to build a new home in the village was simply unheard of. There was little reason to move to a place like Modan-ri. It wasn’t an ever-expanding village and it didn’t house any noblemen or women. It was simply an insignificant village hidden away from everyone else. People lived their lives freely and without a worry in Modan-ri. 

Moving to Modan-ri didn’t come without a cost, however. Yuta knew that even though he said his name was Na Yuta, he was truly _Nakamoto_ Yuta. He had learned that as a child when his parents were teaching him to speak the native language of The West Empire, but he didn’t ask more about it. His parents seemed apprehensive to speak about their previous lives went it was mentioned so Yuta left it at that.

Any identity that the Nakamoto family had before Modan-ri was erased, surrendered as a thing of the past and left behind in another world. It was the Na family that the people of Modan-ri knew.

Families such as the Kim and Park families had lived in Modan-ri for tens of generations spanning over centuries. The Na family was the newest addition to Modan-ri; just a young couple with their children looking for a home. The family that had come before them had been the Seo family, and they had settled in Modan-ri almost ninety years ago. It had been a long time since a new family arrived. 

As new as they were, the Na family grew to be respected and loved. Nakamoto Tatsuo and Sayuri had started working hard and diligently the moment they arrived in Modan-ri. They bought a piece of land and built their small house there with the help of the village folk. Tatsuo worked in the fields, picking and planting fruits every season to sell. Sayuri helped the apothecary, collecting ingredients to make medicinal salves and creams. Together, the two had made themselves a part of the town, integrated themselves as if they were natives that had always lived in Modan-ri. 

Tatsuo and Sayuri’s dream of their children growing up alongside the other children of Modan-ri had come true. For Yuta and his sister, Momoka, The West Empire and their journey to Modan-ri was just a place and an event that they were too young to remember at all. His younger sister, never once wanting to know the real truth of where her family had come from, held the family’s past very distant. And it was fine that way.

Yuta’s older sister, Momoka, grew up with her heart set on educating and now helped teach the small children in the tiny schoolhouse at the north end of the village. Yuta’s younger sister, Haruna, showed interest in medicine and was diligently learning from their mother and the apothecary. Yuta, like his father, worked in the fields. All three of them had grown up to be kind, smart, and respectable individuals that helped their village.

People didn’t question where they came from or the lives that Tatsuo and Sayuri might have lived before, at least not in front of the Na children. There were no questions about their unusual names, their way of speaking, or the way they did certain things. Yuta knew that the village people knew that they were from far away, from The West Empire, but they said nothing to their faces about it. Whether they talked behind closed doors or truly didn't care, Yuta didn't want to know. Like the village folk, he remained quiet over his family’s history and anything regarding The West Empire. 

He enjoyed the talk about events that occurred near the palace, though. There was always chatter about the Queen and her children. The Queen or the Princess were often out of the palace, visiting towns to meet the people of the kingdom, which was always exciting. When the Queen held celebrations, the news reached Modan-ri and people celebrated in the village center on their own. But today, it was her youngest child that was the center of the conversation recently.

“The Prince will be having his birthday celebration soon,” one of the young ladies was saying.

Yuta was hauling crates filled with peaches into the small barn, hearing bits and pieces of the conversation that was going on. It was hard to keep track of where it was going. He would enter, hear something, leave to get another crate and come back to another topic.

“He is entering his twenty-fifth year, right?” another young lady asked.

“I’m sure they will be asking for candidates come the sixth month.”

Yuta was about to leave when he heard his name called. He stopped and turned around, facing the two ladies. They were looking at him curiously. It was the younger of the two that spoke.

“You are also entering your twenty-fifth year, right?” she asked him.

He nodded. “At the end of the tenth month,” he confirmed. 

The two ladies looked at each other. They exchanged a look that Yuta didn’t understand, but they both seemed to understand each other. He blinked, waiting for one of them to speak again. The older of the two looked back at him.

“Little Haruna has only come of age, right? And Momoka is to marry the carpenter’s son?”

Yuta nodded. “She will be married by the end of spring. It is only a matter of weeks.”

“I see.”

He looked at the older woman, confused. She didn’t make a move to elaborate on her question, which left Yuta awfully curious. She must’ve known that her question would raise a few questions from Yuta. He knew that it was in the young lady’s nature to do so. Miss Sooyoung had always been like that. She was older than Yuta by a quite a few years, was already a married lady, and had moved to Nuha-eup to live with her husband but her family remained in Modan-ri so she visited often. The Choi family was one of the central families of the village. Because of this, Miss Sooyoung had always gotten away with her slight teasing. There was a playful smile on her lips.

Still, Yuta couldn’t help but ask. “Miss Sooyoung, is something the matter?”

Miss Sooyoung shook her head. Beneath her hat, her bangs swished across her forehead. She raised a hand to move the hair back into place. “It is nothing you need to worry about now, Yuta.”

She moved from where she was standing, towards the barn doors. She looked outside, sighing. She didn’t leave the barn but instead, turned back to look at them.

“Yerim, please tell your cousin to come help Yuta bring in the rest of the fruits. Youngho brought in two crates, called it a day, and went to find Jaehyun without a doubt.” She clicked her tongue. "And he expects to get paid for that."

Yuta chuckled quietly as the other young woman nodded, getting up and moving towards the other side of the barn, to the doors that were closer to the house. Yuta bowed his head in Miss Sooyoung’s direction as she left with a final wave and a smile in his direction. Her large dress bounced as she walked away, becoming smaller and smaller until she was gone from his sight. 

Yuta hurriedly went back out to grab another crate. As he stacked two on top of each other, Yerim’s cousin appeared.

The boy was tan and tall. His brown hair was cropped at the neck, the sweat already beginning to shine on the tan skin there, disappearing underneath the collar of his shirt. His eyes were wide and curious. 

His clothes were nicer than Yuta’s and definitely not made for hauling crates, but they would have to do for now.

“Yerim said you needed help?” he asked, motioning to the remaining crates.

“Please,” Yuta said. 

He waited a moment, watching as the young man stacked one crate on another and tried to carry them. He made an indignant sound when he could barely lift them a few centimeters off the ground. He dropped the crates, the wooden bottom making a loud thud as they landed back onto the ground. Dirt flew up around his feet, soiling his shoes and the bottoms of his stockings. He huffed, placing his hands on his hips and stared down at the crates as if they had just offended him.

“Don’t strain yourself,” Yuta scolded. This boy had never worked a day, he thought. It made sense, considering he was the son of Yuta’s employer. “Carry one at a time. It may be slower, but you won’t injure yourself that way.”

Yuta turned away, hurrying back into the barn. He dropped the crates in his hands, the sound echoing in the barn. He wiped some sweat from his forehead and from the back of his neck.

The summer weather was beginning to make itself known in Modan-ri. Regardless, Yuta had to work tirelessly every day, picking the summer fruits from their branches in the orchards and moving them to the storage barn that belonged to the Lee family. There was always fruit to be picked throughout the year, but summer brought the most and the best types of fruit. His hours and hours in the sun ensured that Yuta remained a nice tan until the winter. 

Modan-ri was never too hot, though. It was only a little warmer compared to spring. The forests and mountains that surrounded them allowed for bearable summers, even during the hottest time of the season. The peaches that he was hauling inside looked ripe and were probably absolutely delicious. Yuta was tempted to swipe one, wanting to taste something sweet.

“Yuta-hyung,” Yerim’s cousin asked, panting as he came in. Yuta turned to him and almost laughed at the sight. The boy dropped the crate beside the two that Yuta had just brought in. He placed his hands on his knees, catching his breath. This boy was definitely not going to be able to help Yuta carry all these crates in. His face was already red and he was sweating even more now. “Yerim mentioned that you are a potential candidate for the Prince. I am, too.”

“Candidate for the Prince?” Yuta asked, eyes widened in curiosity.

The boy finally straightened up, but he brought one of his hands to his chest. He was taking deep breaths. “Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of it?” he asked, still breathless.

Yuta shook his head. Yerim’s cousin sighed deeply. He bent down and picked a peach from one of the crates. He cleaned the fruit with the front of his waistcoat. Before Yuta could protest at how he couldn't just take the fruit, the young man spoke.

“The Prince is entering his twenty-fifth year, which means he must get married soon,” he said. He took a big bite from the peach, its sweet juice running down his chin. Yuta felt jealous. The young man wiped it away with the ruffles of his shirt as he chewed thoughtfully. There was something mischievous in his eyes when he looked at Yuta. “Families are chosen and someone must go represent them.”

Yuta connected the dots immediately. 

“To marry him?” he asked, surprised by this information. He had lived here his entire life, but he had never heard of this type of event. He couldn't recall such a thing happening, even though he had already come of age when the Princess turned twenty-five. Baffled, Yuta looked at the boy. “And you’re okay with being married, Donghyuck?”

“The Prince doesn’t marry everyone,” he replied defensively. “There are thousands of people that are candidates. He just chooses one person. The chances of him choosing someone like me are very small.”

“Why have I never heard of this?” 

Donghyuck hummed. “Your family is pretty new to The Southern Kingdom, so I suppose you wouldn’t know about it and might've not realized what was happening when the Princess celebrated her birthday. I was still a kid when her ceremony happened and can hardly remember it,” he said thoughtfully. “It’s a rare occasion, too. You are familiar with the Queen and her family, right?”

Yuta nodded. “I learned about them during my schooling years,” he said.

He recalled the small lessons he had received as a younger child. Her Majesty The Queen was only fifty-two, having been crowned when she was only twenty years old. She married the son of a lord and had two children. The young princess was grown and married, with one child of her own. The prince was seven years younger than his sister, the same age as Yuta. There was little information on him apart from his date of birth, not even his name was known.

The tradition of The Southern Kingdom did not allow the young prince to go out in public, something that was established centuries ago when the children of a former king were both murdered in cold blood. If something were to happen to the young princess and her family, her brother would be alive and well, prepared to take on the role of King after Her Majesty The Queen has gone. With little information about the prince, it would be almost impossible to locate him and hurt him, should the rest of his family be taken away.

That was all that Yuta had learned when he was being schooled. The remainder of his lessons regarding the family were more on the Queen herself and the former kings and queens that ruled The Southern Kingdom, and all of the things that they had done for the people. 

“Her Majesty The Queen had her marriage arranged,” Donghyuck said, pulling Yuta out of his thoughts. “Before she was crowned, she chose a husband from a group of lords. She wouldn’t have been able to be queen without a husband. The Princess did the same but when she entered her twenty-fifth year.”

“I do not understand,” Yuta said. “Her Majesty and Her Highness married against their will?”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. He took another bite of his peach. “Not against their will, really,” he said. “It’s the tradition. It’s their duty. When a child enters their twenty-fifth year, they must get married.”

Yuta frowned. “Why?”

Donghyuck stayed quiet. He bit into the peach once more. His eyes wandered off, a small frown on his face. He chewed for a minute and then swallowed, turning back to Yuta. “I am not sure,” he said, making Yuta deflate. “There is a story about it though. Would you like to hear it?”

The mischievous look returned to the young boy’s eyes. Yuta’s frown deepened. He looked at the crates that were before them and then towards the barn doors. There was still a lot of work to do.

“My mother tells it really well.”

Yuta sighed. He wiped his hands off on his breeches. “I would like to hear it.”

* * *

The King feared the worst. 

His kingdom had been through six years of war against the West Empire. The Emperor had finally surrendered after having lost most of his men. The war had also killed thousands upon thousands of soldiers of the Southern Kingdom, as well as innocent citizens—men, women, and children alike. Now that the war was won, his remaining soldiers had been brought home safely, but the King noticed that his people were still raging with fury. They were violent and blinded red with anger. They wanted something more from him.

It had started with breakouts against officers in the northern villages that bordered the West Empire and it had only grown from there. The breakouts had evolved into riots and protests, people rallying in town and village centers. The King had ordered his officers to not go against the people if it was uncalled for. It would be useless to combat violence with violence, especially if the people were speaking out against the King. To threaten them with violence would only make his people angrier with him. But the riots had come closer and now the people threatened the livelihoods of the noblemen that surrounded the palace. They had gathered there, screaming and yelling for two days now. He had to do something and his advisor was putting the pressure on.

“They are planning to storm the palace, Your Majesty,” his advisor said seriously. His expression was grim. “They will not leave until they have your head.”

The old king brought a fist down onto the table, startling his advisor. 

He had given his people everything that he had. The war had left a hole in the kingdom and the King was trying his best to patch it. He had given much of his wealth to his people as compensation, he had signed restoration orders that would rebuild entire towns and villages that had been destroyed. He had spent days drawing up plans for the future to ensure that the kingdom would not fall into ruin. It would take time but the kingdom would patch the hole that it had, slowly and carefully. The patch wouldn’t be seamless but the stitches of it would be enough to hold the kingdom together for centuries to come. He hadn’t made a promise he couldn’t keep; he had fulfilled everything he had told his people thus far.

“What do they want?”

The advisor quickly recovered, clearing his throat. He pushed up the glasses his nose bridge. “They want your child,” he replied. His voice was unsure. 

“My child?”

The advisor avoided the eyes of the older man. “Yes, Your Majesty,” he said nervously, “Your child’s life, for the lost lives of their children. It’s the only thing that can not be replaced.”

The King took this information in.

His wife had only blessed him with one child, a son, before departing from the world. The Queen had never been able to have children, though they had tried and tried for years. When it was revealed that she was with child, especially at her forty-three years, everyone had taken precautions to ensure the Queen’s health, as well as the survival of the new child. The child was a blessing, and he would always be a blessing.

He was born on the tenth day of the tenth month during the early hours, just as the sun rose from its slumber. But as the night gave way to morning, the Queen called for her husband and her newborn child. She would not survive another day. She kissed the King and her child one last time. Her heart stilled during the afterbirth, the toll of the experience weighing down on her. The King had shed tears, clinging to her cold body for hours afterward. Her death was a tragedy within a miracle.

The day of the new prince’s birth was celebrated. He was shown to the people, not even ten hours old. The people rejoiced for the entirety of the week, eating and drinking, hopeful for the future. The news of the Queen’s passing would be given after her burial. The advisors suggested not to distract from the new prince's arrival with such heavy news.

The Prince had reached his twenty-fifth year now. He had grown up to be beautiful, with her round face, fair skin, brown hair, and wide eyes. His voice was gentle and kind, much like his mother’s. He moved gracefully but worked diligently, fulfilling his duties as Prince. As a child, he had brought the King to tears with his resemblance to his late wife and even as an adult, the King could see her within the young Prince. She remained with them in that way. The Prince always served as a reminder of the woman that had birthed him, her memory never forgotten.

The Prince was a gentleman. He was handsome, strong, and well-educated. Charitable and kind, he was loved among his people.

Would the King’s people really demand the young life of his child when he was well-loved?

“I will let them take my head before they take my son’s life,” the King said sternly. He could not allow this to be taken from his grasp. The universe had taken his wife, and it had also almost taken his kingdom. “They will not have him.”

“Your Majesty, if I may—” 

A steely glance from the old man silenced his advisor.

The nervous advisor cleared his throat. “His Highness is not in immediate danger, Your Majesty,” he explained. “They want you to give them your child in marriage. To a young woman of the town.”

Truly surprised, the King guffawed. 

“In marriage?!” he exclaimed. “They want me to hand over my son’s hand? Allow him to wed a common girl?”

“The young woman that they have chosen for His Highness is of the respectable kind,” the advisor hurried to say, calming the King. “She is a young teacher and the only child of her father.”

“I will not allow my son to marry such a person,” the King said sternly. “He is to marry a princess.”

“The young woman is intact, educated, and well-mannered,” the advisor defended. In a more determined voice, he added, “And as it stands, Your Majesty, she is the heir to all her father’s lands. Her husband would become the owner of these lands.”

“And it is the only way?” the King asked after several minutes.

The advisor nodded once. “I am afraid so.”

To give his child away to a common family. He had never heard of it. The idea was ridiculous. He had already begun to prepare a union with the Princess of the Eastern Islands. It had been decided that the Prince would marry her before the next winter. The Princess was a well-educated woman, beautiful, and had a lovely personality; she was the ideal bride for his son. When has there ever been a prince that married a common woman? He hadn’t entertained the thought of letting his son marry the daughter of a trusted nobleman, much less one of his own people. But if it could calm the hearts of the people… 

The union that the King had begun preparing with the King of the Eastern Islands would not happen. Their aid would still come, but without the children married, there wouldn’t be as much aid as they discussed. His own heart was unsettled. But what was his one heart, to the thousands of hearts of his people? If it was their wish, he had to listen.

“And this young woman’s name is?”

“Kim Gyuri,” the advisor replied. “Your Majesty, there is one thing I would like to add. It is what the people have written.”

“What is it?”

The King felt his hands begin to tremble as he waited for his advisor to tell him what else the people wanted. What more could they take from him? Could it get worse? They could have his child, but to take anything else from him would leave him empty.

“They want the lives of His Highness’s children as well,” the advisor said solemnly. “And then, the lives of their children, and their children… and so it will go…”

As the advisor trailed off, The King let out a deep sigh and dropped his gaze. The people wanted his family to repay the years of suffering he had brought upon his people. He could understand why. Overcoming the loss of a loved one was not something someone could do easily and his people had lost them because of him. He felt like his shoulders had been loaded with bags of soil. He would have to carry this load for the rest of his life.

“For the lost lives of their children,” the King said with a dry chuckle. He completely understood their demands.

“For the lost lives of their children,” the advisor repeated with a nod of his head.

Had he brought this burden upon his family, upon his people, just to appease them momentarily? If he agreed, the King would lose his family to them for years to come, and the people would not even live long enough to see the debt repaid. He would not live long enough to see it repaid. Was it worth it? To have his family give themselves to the people for centuries, long after he was gone, still enslaved for the decisions he had made through the war.

Thousands of lives were lost in the war, and he knew loss well. The pain was unbearable. It sucked the soul from him, left him hollow for two decades, and only now was he begin to accept the loss he had faced. But he could not compare it to the loss of a child. A parent should not have to see their child die before they did. The King would lose his only son, yes, but he would still have him here. The King might give his son to the people but the Prince would still be there for the King. He would live on.

He sat up straighter in his chair. His family would not suffer the way that his people had for so many years as they repaid this debt.

“We should begin preparations right away.”

* * *

Yuta looked at Donghyuck’s mother, a frown on his face. “The King promised the people that he would give his child, and his child’s children to the people?”

The woman nodded. She gave him a sad smile. “The family will belong to the people until the lost lives of the children are all accounted for.”

“But you said,” Yuta started. He paused. “There were thousands,” he said.

“Only three hundred and four children of the family have been given to the people,” she said. “The young prince will make for three hundred and five.”

Yuta felt his heartache. The people who had demanded this were no longer living, and still, the family kept their promise, giving their children to the common people to account for the lives lost in that war. Had Her Majesty and Her Highness done this feeling as if it was their duty? Did they hate that they had to repay such a large debt, fulfill a promise that had been made centuries ago?

He could not imagine how it must feel to marry someone he had no interest in. It was not love. It was not right.

Beside Yuta, Donghyuck straightened up. “But it is also our duty to give ourselves to the family, right?”

The older woman smiled at her son softly. “That is right, dear,” she said. “It is an honor to be able to stand as a candidate. And I imagine it is an even greater honor to be the chosen candidate.”

An honor? Yuta thought about it. If chosen by the Prince, the candidate had to marry him and become a member of the family. He figured that new responsibilities and rules would be placed upon the candidate. He doubted that the chosen person could return to the life they had before. Any hopes and dreams for the future would have to be surrendered in order to live beside the Prince. It couldn't be anything honorable at all. It just seemed sad for both the Prince and the chosen candidate.

“I do not understand,” Yuta murmured. “How can anyone be happy in a marriage like that?”

“Her Majesty is quite happy,” Donghyuck said. “And Her Highness also seems to be happy. I supposed the love came to them eventually.”

Yuta pursed his lips. 

He wondered if the love between two people could be created from such a situation. He had never been in love before but he had heard of it from his older sister, from his mother. Momoka said it only happened with the right person at the right time. His mother said it was like pieces falling into place to form one whole. It was not something that could be forced or manufactured. It was supposed to be natural, finding and being with the right person.

“Do not worry yourself too much,” Donghyuck’s mother said softly. She gave Yuta a smile. “You will tire yourself out if you think too much about it.”

The woman stood from the chair she sat in and smoothed down her apron. She looked at Donghyuck and then back at Yuta.

“You should go, Yuta. Your mother must be expecting you soon,” she said. “Good night, dear.”

Yuta stood from his place on the floor, dusting off his breeches. He bowed his head in her direction. “Thank you,” he said, only receiving the woman’s soft laugh in return. “Good night.”

“Donghyuck, please see Yuta out,” she said. She looked towards the small kitchen in the corner. “Excuse me.”

The older woman walked away. Donghyuck stood from his spot on the floor, dusting himself off. He gave Yuta a smile. Yuta followed the young boy as he led the way out of the small house, down to the dirt road.

“I hope you enjoyed the story,” Donghyuck said, turning to him.

“I did,” Yuta said. “Though I have questions.”

Donghyuck raised his eyebrows. “Like what?”

“How did the Prince feel? How did that young woman feel?”

The younger boy hummed. “I suppose they were fine with it,” he said after a moment. “Their descendants are proof that they married and had children. Besides, it’s only a story; no one really knows what actually happened all those centuries ago.”

Yuta sighed. “I suppose.” He gave Donghyuck a weak smile. “Good night.”

Donghyuck smiled. “Good night.”

He turned to go back to the house and Yuta took a few steps down the road before he paused. There was something he had forgotten. He whirled back around and raised his hand to his mouth. “What about the peaches?” he called out.

The young boy was already by the door of the house. He turned back and shook his head. “Do not worry about it!” he said.

Yuta looked at him skeptically, but when Donghyuck waved his hand and disappeared inside, he had no choice but to turn around and head home.

As he walked, he thought more about it. There was no telling who would be chosen to marry the Prince, but he would choose a young woman, right? Only a woman could bear children. A man marrying the Prince would be the end of their bloodline. What was the reason for having male candidates in that case?

Yuta himself could never imagine himself marrying another man. He knew that he liked women. He had imagined his future many times, and in each version, there was always a young and beautiful lady by his side. 

His parents never pressured him into finding a girl and getting married, but it would have to happen soon. He had taken an interest in one of the young ladies that worked with his sister at the schoolhouse. It was obvious that she was just as interested in him. Perhaps after the Prince chose his future spouse, he could return home and marry her. He wasn’t sure if it was true love, but it felt right, so it must be some form of love.

As Yuta entered a small house at the end of the road, he shook away any thoughts of the future, leaving them for later. He heard his mother cooking in the small kitchen, smelling the smoke and the strong scent of soup.

“I’m home,” Yuta said as he walked into where his mother was.

His sister was also there, preparing the toppings for the soup. “Welcome home, Nii-chan!” she exclaimed, looking up from the spring onions she was cutting.

“Welcome home,” his mother said, her tone softer. Like always, she had a smile on her face.

He returned her smile.

Years of work and labor had come down on his mother recently. When he was a child, Yuta’s mother had long, black hair and clean, fair skin, all signs of her beautiful youth. Her hands were delicate and soft when they brushed through his hair on nights he couldn’t find sleep. And her smile was bright, her pink lips curling up to show her teeth and eyes becoming small crescents on her face.

Her hair was shorter now, and the streaks of gray were becoming more visible with time. Her once fair skin was a soft olive now from spending day after day in the sun. Her fingertips were calloused after years of pulling plants from the ground and preparing medicinal salves. The lines that surrounded her mouth and eyes were more prominent when she smiled. But still, her smile remained bright and Yuta felt at home seeing it.

“Did Mrs. Lee keep you long?” his mother asked. She turned her focus to the food before her.

“No,” he replied, making his way towards her. “I got somewhat distracted.”

She gave him a look, pausing her preparations, and he shrugged, not knowing what else to say. He couldn't put the blame on Mrs. Lee; his mother would have his head if he did.

“They do not pay you to get distracted,” she said, worry in her voice. “You mustn’t fool around.”

Yuta lowered his head in shame. “I understand.” He looked back up at his mother. “I’ll speak to Mr. Lee.”

“It’s Hae-chan, right?” Yuta’s younger sister asked. “I bet he distracted you, right?”

“Haruna!” their mother scolded. “Do not speak of him that way.”

“Mother,” Haruna whined, “Hyuck and I have been friends since we were babes! And I’m older than him by a year. He insisted I call him informally!”

Yuta shook his head. The young boy had been playmates with Haruna since they were children and even Yuta had been around to play and look after him and his twin sister, but he also belonged to a family of higher status in the village. And he was the child of Yuta’s employer now. Yuta didn't spend much time with him and only saw him when he was working or when there were celebrations in the village center. It was fine when they were younger, but it seemed rather inappropriate now to act like he was Donghyuck's older brother or friend.

“Hush,” their mother said. Haruna’s mouth turned down into a pout. “Finish up so we can serve dinner.”

The older woman gave Yuta a small push.

He gave her a nod and made his way to the corner of the kitchen, where the basin is. The water was cold but refreshing against his skin. He made sure to clean his hands thoroughly, scraping underneath his fingernails to remove the dirt that had accumulated there over the course of the day.

When he finished, his mother had already set the low table. Yuta took his place on the small cushion. It did little to protect him from the hard floor underneath now since he had used the thing since he was a child. It was a ragged, old thing, like many things in their house. Still, Yuta made himself comfortable and waited.

Haruna settled into her own cushion, carefully pulling her petticoats over her legs. She was eyeing the food before them. They had managed to make more than usual. The rice was a given, large mounds of white in their small bowls. Even if their garden produced very little to eat some seasons, they always had rice to eat. But apart from the rice, there were many other bowls on the table.

Somehow Yuta’s mother had managed to find some pickled vegetables, ones that were only found in the southern villages. There was enough for everyone to get as much as they wanted. His mother had also managed to purchase some fish that was found on the coast of the kingdom. It was somewhat expensive so he wondered if a larger trader had passed through while he had been working. Some vegetables from their garden had been picked and turned into simple side dishes, sesame seeds sprinkled over them. And besides the bowl of rice was another bowl, filled to the brim with miso soup.

Yuta’s father took his seat across from Yuta. He gave Yuta a nod and Yuta lowered his head, waiting.

When Yuta’s mother saw down and picked up her chopsticks, Yuta’s father bowed his head. “Thank you for the meal,” he said.

They all repeated the words. Yuta’s mother raised some rice to her mouth. When she swallowed, Yuta’s father raised his own chopsticks. When Yuta's father raised his chopsticks a second time to take his second bite of food, Yuta and Haruna allowed themselves to partake in the meal.

* * *

The Lee family forgave Yuta. 

Mrs. Lee had laughed it off and with a hand on her husband’s arm, she smiled. “Don’t worry yourself. It was my fault and I told him about it, Yuta.”

Mr. Lee had a hard look on his face but when his wife gave him a tap on his cheek, he let himself relax. “I trust you to finish your task today then.”

Yuta bowed before the couple. Mr. Lee excused himself and Yuta straightened up. Mrs. Lee was still smiling.

“I’ll have Donghyuck help you today, too,” she said. “And I’ll prepare something nice and cold for you boys to drink.”

Yuta thanked her and bowed once more, only standing straight up when she had disappeared into the house. 

It had been a week since Yuta was tasked with bringing in the peaches. The peaches had already been loaded onto a larger wagon and were taken to be sold elsewhere by Mr. Lee, who had returned today. He had paid Yuta for his work, frown on his face. Yuta’s pay had taken a small hit. He realized this when he counted the money. He was certain that Mr. Lee would’ve taken more out had it not been for his wife’s words so he was extremely grateful.

Today he had been tasked with bringing in grapes. They had been picked earlier in the day but they needed to be hauled inside the barn. Youngho would be working with him today, which was better than only having Donghyuck around, as much as Yuta had grown fond of him over the years he had known the young boy.

When Yuta approached the barn, Youngho was already there, stacking crates.

“Yuta!” he called out when he spotted him. He shaded his eyes with his hand. There was a wide grin on his face. “Did Lee give you a talking? You left all the peaches out last time!”

Yuta rolled his eyes and gave Youngho a shove, making his friend laugh. “You were supposed to help me! There was no way I could’ve gotten them all inside that day.”

He quickly got to work, ignoring his friend's teasing, picking up a crate and dropping it on top of another. Youngho headed inside with his load and Yuta followed, placing the stack beside Youngho’s. 

They worked without speaking after that. The occasional grunt left their mouths when they lifted the crates and once they were a fourth of the way through, Youngho’s mood seemed to lighten up and he began to hum and whistle songs that Yuta didn’t recognize.

Donghyuck eventually came out of the house. He came carrying a large tray with glasses and a pitcher. “My mother said you looked thirsty,” he said as he set it down on the bed of the wagon. He carefully poured the water into the glasses.

Yuta stopped working and watched. Donghyuck certainly was more refined than Yuta was. His clothes had always been nicer than the ones that Yuta grew up wearing. The Lee family was able to afford the finer fabrics in brighter colors from seamstresses in the larger towns for all of their children. Donghyuck’s stockings were always made from cotton with beautiful clocking. His waistcoats were always bright and embroidered with intricate designs, made from even finer cotton, always perfectly mixed and matched with his breeches and coat. Yuta’s mother had always handmade his clothes, using an old woolen cloth to make his stockings and coarse linen for his shirts. His waistcoats were made from cheap cotton and in dull colors, and each one matched to only one pair of breeches and a coat.

Even the way that Donghyuck moved was refined. Whereas Yuta’s hands were hard and worn from his work, Donghyuck’s were soft and smooth, careful and precise as he poured their water. His stance was tall and confident and even though Yuta also had confidence, he knew that Donghyuck’s confidence came with his background. Donghyuck never had to drop to his knees to beg and he probably never had doubted himself because of his shortcomings.

This was the kind of person that was perfect to marry someone from a well-off family. The Lee family was one of the most well-off in their small village and Yuta would not be surprised if Donghyuck married the daughter of someone from the big town.

“Ah, this is delicious,” Youngho exclaimed before tipping the glass to drink more.

Donghyuck’s smile was gentle and sincere. “I’ll relay the compliment to my mother.”

Yuta quietly reached for his own glass. “It’s really good,” he said. It was fresh lemonade. It was sweet and sour on his tongue, cold and refreshing as it ran down his throat.

Donghyuck lowered his head in thanks.

“Well, let’s get back to work!” Youngho said, setting down his empty glass. “C’mon, Yuta.”

Yuta set down his glass, quietly thanking Donghyuck once more. Donghyuck cleaned everything up and returned to the house, promising to come back and help.

It was another ten minutes before Donghyuck appeared again. He began working. He was more diligent than last time, moving one crate at a time. Even though Donghyuck complained that he felt he wasn’t helping much when he saw Yuta and Youngho hauling two or three at a time, they assured him they were working much quicker than before. With Donghyuck's help, they would be finished an hour or two earlier than usual.

They were almost finished by mid-afternoon. They all walked out of the barn, ready to pick up more crates. It was Youngho that noticed them.

“Good afternoon, sir,” he said.

Donghyuck and Yuta turned quickly. It was a man. If Yuta thought Donghyuck’s suits were beautiful, this man’s was simply magnificent. The gold embroidery seemed to shine in the afternoon sun. The suit itself was baby pink and the fabric seemed to shine as well. Yuta wondered what expensive fabric had been used to make the suit.

The man was older, around the age of Yuta’s father. He held his hat underneath his arm. He only offered them a small bow.

On either side of the man were two young women. Yerim stood to the man’s left. Park Sooyoung stood to his right.

It wasn't uncommon to see Yerim with the other Sooyoung in the village. The two girls were always been attached at the hip unless Miss Sooyoung was visiting since Yerim loved the older woman. Since Miss Sooyoung had gone back home with her husband, Yerim and Sooyoung were back together, making up for the time they had lost during Miss Sooyoung's visit. Without a doubt, the two had been running around the village center.

“Sir, these are the men you are looking for,” Sooyoung said, motioning to them. 

Yuta tensed at the words. He noticed that Youngho also tensed beside him. Donghyuck seemed more confused, though.

Yuta wondered what such a man was doing, looking for them. If he was looking for them, they had to be in trouble. It wasn’t like Yuta was a troublemaker, but he had done things that haunted him every now and then. He had stolen once or twice. He had tricked people to pay him more than needed for his work more than once when he wanted extra money to buy something he wanted. Both he and Youngho had done these things.

“Thank you, ladies,” the man said. His voice was deep and intimidating.

Both the girls bowed their heads and retreated, disappearing into the house. Yuta could see Yerim peek out the window, only to be pulled back. It was the face of Donghyuck’s mother that peeked out next.

“Gentleman,” the man started. He eyed them carefully. Yuta felt shame, knowing that his clothes were dirty from all the work. “You work quite far from the center of the village.”

“It is only once a week, sir,” Youngho replied, casting his eyes down.

“It was not as difficult to find everyone else. We were confused when hardly anyone could tell us where you were working. We would have left emptyhanded, if it weren’t for the ladies, that is.”

_Everyone else?_ Yuta tried not to frown. 

The man had not introduced himself but there was a feeling in his gut that told Yuta that he already knew what he was here for. 

He had Donghyuck’s words in his mind. He had thought about it over the last week and thought about the story that Donghyuck’s mother had told them. Yuta had asked Youngho about it and learned that it was a deep honor to be called upon to join in the ceremony. It was important that they participated seriously. It was not only the duty of the family but of the people, to bring the kingdom forward and to repay the debts of the ancestors that had made this promise. Youngho had called it healing for the kingdom. He still didn't completely understand, but he would respectfully participate if his Queen called on him to do so.

Beside him, Donghyuck also seemed to pick up on it as he straightened up.

“You have been called upon by the palace,” the man said. He reached into the pocket of his breeches and presented three envelopes. Yuta closed his eyes when he noticed the seal on the envelopes held the crest of the royal family. He opened them to see the man holding out the first envelope. “Lee Donghyuck,” the man said. 

Donghyuck stepped forward and took the envelope graciously.

Yuta took a deep breath, feeling the man’s eyes on him.

“Seo Youngho.”

Yuta met the man’s gaze.

“And Na Yuta.”

Yuta took the envelope. “Thank you,” he murmured, turning his eyes down.

“Join us on the day of the Prince’s ceremony,” the man said. “Good day, gentleman.”

The three of them quickly bowed as the man walked away. Yuta clutched the envelope tighter in his hand.

Once the man was out of sight, the door to the house burst open and everyone came rushing out.

“Oh, dear,” Donghyuck’s mother called out, bringing her son’s head to her bosom. “Oh, dear. Who was that man?”

Yuta allowed himself to study the envelope. It was smooth. It was made of a thick ivory paper, and the deep red wax seal was placed perfectly on it, holding the envelope shut.

“You should have seen them!” Sooyoung exclaimed. “There were dozens of them in the village. They came on horses, just stormed the center of the village and announced that they were here for the Baeuja!”

Mrs. Lee exclaimed. “They came today!”

“They couldn’t find these three so Sooyoung said we could help them,” Yerim said carefully. “They all wanted to come, but in the end, that man insisted it would only be him.”

Yuta looked up and towards where the man had walked. The Lee house was on the northern border of the village, hidden in the sparse forest. It wasn’t a far walk and there were plenty of other houses nearby, but it was more difficult to find if one didn’t know the way.

“You two must go home!” Mrs. Lee said, letting go of Donghyuck. “Your mothers must be worried. I’ll explain to Mr. Lee. You have practically finished today’s work.”

They bid everyone goodbye and began to walk back. Youngho had already ripped open the envelope and was reading the contents, but Yuta wanted to wait. He was sure that his mother would want to see it first thing.

“It says that it’s within the coming week,” Youngho said after a few minutes. “The ceremony is on the last of the sixth month. A ball will be held on the first day of the seventh month.”

“How are we to travel to the palace?” Yuta asked. “If we want to arrive by then, we all must leave now, right?”

“It says that we’ll be taken.”

They said nothing more. The dirt underneath them turned to cobblestone soon and they could hear the chatter of the village. People were excited. Men were boasting about their sons and daughters, ready to send them off to the palace for the Prince. Mothers were collecting ingredients for celebratory dinners.

Youngho stopped walking and Yuta waited. “We’ll leave soon,” Youngho said, making his way to the door of the small house in front of them. “Rest up.”

“See you,” Yuta said.

His friend disappeared inside the house and Yuta continued his walk, reaching his family’s house a few minutes later.

He was bombarded when he opened the door. Even Momoka was there and it was rare to see her at home these days. She had moved into the house of her fiancé’s family after their engagement last autumn. Yuta caught a glance at her before Haruna began searching for the envelope. Her hands pulled open Yuta's coat and checked the pockets of his breeches.

“Where is it?” she asked impatiently, stepping back and frowning.

“Now, now,” Momoka chided, reaching for Haruna’s shoulders and pulling her back further. “I think that Yuta-chan needs to talk to Mom and Dad. He’ll show you when they’re done.”

Haruna pouted and Yuta smiled weakly. Even though his younger sister had come of age, she remained the spoiled baby of their family. Momoka shot Yuta a smile before she led Haruna into the back garden, telling her that her Yonghoon had brought sweets back from his trip into the big town.

Yuta quickly made his way to the large bedroom where his parents were. It was sparsely furnished with only the bed, a dresser, and a small desk with a chair, all made by Yuta’s father. His mother was sitting on the bed and his father was standing before her. 

She was worrying her bottom lip in between her teeth as Yuta’s father spoke. “We must tell him the truth, Sayuri,” he was saying. “We cannot lie to our children any longer.”

Yuta knocked on the doorframe, startling both of his parents. “I’m home.” Without waiting for a response, he pulled the envelope from his pocket and presented it. “I got this.”

His mother quickly rushed to him, taking the envelope in her hands. Her fingers ran over the seal. After a moment, she broke it and opened it up, pulling the card from inside. Her eyes scanned the letter and then she looked up at Yuta’s father with worried eyes.

The older man sighed. He turned to Yuta. “Close the door, Yuta. We need to talk.”

Yuta did as told. He had overheard something. What were his parents lying about? His parents had always been honest people and knowing that they were lying about something worried him. Why had they waited until this card to tell him?

Yuta’s mother waved him over and he sat on the bed beside her. Her fingertips were rough but he enjoyed the feeling of her running them through his hair. Memories of his childhood came back. Nights when he couldn’t sleep, days when he was sick, moments when he was sad.

“Yuta,” his father started, settling into the chair by the desk, “We are not from here.”

“It’s time to tell you how we came to Modan-ri, dear,” his mother whispered.

Yuta nodded and after his parents shared a look, they nodded. Surprisingly, it was Yuta’s mother that spoke.

* * *

Momoka was crying and Sayuri tried her best to console her, holding her face in her hands. It was far too cold to have the children out. She tried to warm her up as best as she could, pulling her close to her chest. Momoka’s sobs were drowned out that way.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” Sayuri soothed, holding her daughter tighter.

Her heart clenched as Momoka let out another sob. She could barely stand on her own feet so Sayuri picked her up, settling her on her hip as she stood up. Momoka was only ten months old. She had just begun standing without help recently but she cried if she was left like that longer than a few minutes, her little legs still not able to carry her weight properly.

The baby that was on Sayuri’s back was not even ten days old. Tatsuo had wrapped as many blankets as he could around the child before settling him on Sayuri's back, tying him there with another blanket wrapped around and tied on Sayuri’s chest. She truly wondered if he would survive. If he did not die of the cold, he would be suffocated with the blankets.

He didn’t even have a name yet, Sayuri thought pitifully.

Momoka settled her head on Sayuri’s collarbone and began to fall asleep. Sayuri listened to her breathing, making sure that she remained breathing. They could easily lose Momoka in this weather as well.

Tatsuo finally appeared after a moment. He held a small sack. “I took what would last,” he said. “Bread, fruits, and some things for the babe.”

“Tatsuo,” Sayuri said, watching as Tatsuo began to look around the street. Sayuri allowed herself to do so as well. Many families were emerging from their houses, heading down south. “What is happening?”

Tatsuo came closer to her. He grabbed one of her hands. His hands were warm and she let herself enjoy the heat. It disappeared all too quickly. “The Empress,” he started, the puffs of his breath visible in the dark night. “She’s sent people to kill us.”

Sayuri gasped. Her own breath could be seen, a small cloud of white that disappeared after a blink of an eye. “Tatsuo…”

“Sayuri, we need to leave,” Tatsuo said with a shake of her head. “They have already burned down Shirazaki. Hardly anyone made it. The few that did came here. They’ll burn down Iwamoto before the sun rises.”

Sayuri found it hard to breathe. The baby on her back, the girl in her arms, the man before her. “That’s why… Matsumoto-san…”

Tatsuo brushed back her hair, tucking it behind her ear. Sayuri had barely managed to properly tie her cap on, feeling rushed. Tatsuo had a sad smile on his face as he studied her face. “Oh, Sayuri,” he said.

It all moved quickly after that. They began to follow everyone, going south. Tatsuo took Momoka from her and Sayuri took the babe off her back and held him in her arms. His breaths were still strong and his body was warm enough. He would survive tonight at least.

It took half an hour to reach the outskirts of Iwamoto. Men were loading women and children into wagons and carriages. It was important to get them out first. Children cried as the horses began to move, calling out for their fathers, clinging onto their mothers.

When Tatsuo stopped in front of a small carriage, Sayuri felt her heart still. She grabbed onto her husband’s arm. “Tatsuo…”

A young man stepped off the front. Sayuri stepped back, dropping her hand and allowing her husband to speak to him. After a few moments, Tatsuo grabbed her wrist and tugged her forward. “Sayuri, this is Kishi Akira’s boy,” he said. “Yuta-kun. Matsumoto knows them well.”

Sayuri smiled at him as best she could. “It’s a pleasure…”

The young man bowed. He couldn’t be much older than fourteen. “It’s all mine, Nakamoto-san.”

“Sayuri,” Tatsuo said, “You’re going with Yuta here. He’ll take you to Hinagu and I will meet you there.”

Sayuri pulled her wrist from Tatsuo’s grasp. “No! Tatsuo, no!”

Tatsuo panicked and grabbed her wrist. “You’ll drop the baby, Sayuri, calm down,” he said sternly. “Listen to me.”

She didn’t care if she was embarrassing Tatsuo by being a bad wife in front of all these other men. She would not leave Iwamoto without her husband. No threat of the Empress could scare her enough to leave him behind. The tears in her eyes began to fall. In her arms, the baby stirred.

“Sayuri, please,” Tatsuo said impatiently.

“And what will I do if you die, Tatsuo?” Sayuri exclaimed. “I cannot take care of two children without you.”

“Sayuri!”

She sobbed but said nothing else. 

“Go with Yuta-kun,” Tatsuo said, softer this time. “I promise I will see you in Hinagu. I promise.”

Sayuri’s tears were still falling and she remained quiet. “I will never forgive you if you die,” she finally said quietly.

Tatsuo wrapped one arm around Sayuri, careful of the children in between them. “I love you.”

“I love you,” she replied.

Yuta-kun helped Sayuri into the carriage. Tatsuo placed Momoka inside as well, giving her a kiss on the head. He placed one upon the head of the baby in Sayuri’s arms. And then, one for her.

“I promise,” Tatsuo said before he closed the door.

The carriage began to move, the horses’ hooves coming down on the dirt road. Sayuri looked out the opening of the carriage, her eyes on her husband until he became nothing but a speck in the distance. She closed the openings with the small covers, drowning the inside of the carriage in darkness.

The trip to Hinagu was six hours. Sayuri calmed herself down, helped herself to some of the hard bread in the sack, feed the baby in her arms, and slept for a while, holding her child close.

It was a loud shot that woke her. She was startled awake and across from her, Momoka was as well. She almost rolled off the seat had Sayuri not reached for her, pulling her closer. Sayuri could not talk to Yuta-kun since he was out on the front, guiding them.

She bit her lip, too afraid to pull back the coverings on the opening. The light of the morning was beginning to peek around the coverings but it was still rather dark.

After a few more minutes, there was another shot. This one sent Momoka screaming and the baby in Sayuri’s arms also began to cry. She held her children close, trying to comfort them.

The third shot sounded and the carriage stopped. Then, a scream.

It was a woman. Her scream pierced the early morning air. She screamed again and this time Sayuri could understand what she was screaming. _My child, my child._

Sayuri held her breath. She could hear footsteps. They were coming closer. The door to the carriage swung open and Sayuri almost yelled until she heard Yuta-kun’s voice.

“Nakamoto-san,” he said. “It’s not safe to go through here anymore. We must hide now.”

“Yuta-kun, what… what happened?”

“Nakamoto-san, please, hurry.”

Sayuri let Yuta-kun take Momoka, wrapped in a blanket, and then he helped her down. She held the baby tighter. Yuta-kun grabbed the sack from the carriage, closing the door and then turning to begin the walk into the forest. She followed Yuta-kun carefully. There was nothing in front of them and nothing behind them, but in the distance, Sayuri could see it. It was one single carriage. She did not want to know what had happened there.

Yuta-kun led them into the forest that surrounded the dirt roads. It was dense and dark, not even the rising sun was able to penetrate the thick branches above them.

They were well away from the road when Yuta-kun stopped in a clearing barely large enough to fit them all. He laid out a blanket and placed Momoka on it, careful not to wake her. He helped Sayuri down onto it. It was too dark to see anything but as Sayuri’s eyes grew more comfortable in the dark, she could make out Yuta-kun’s figure moving around.

He was digging through the sack. He pulled something out and then fumbled around, hands searching. Sayuri felt a cold hand touch her own and then something was placed inside her palm.

“Eat,” Yuta-kun said softly. Sayuri heard the crunch of dried bread. 

She brought the food to her lips, taking a bite. It was a pear, soft and sweet. Absolutely delicious. They ate in silence and when Momoka began to wake up, Yuta-kun had her before Sayuri could move.

“I’ll feed her some of the fruit,” he said. Sayuri looked in the direction of where his voice was coming from. She could barely see him, but it comforted her to know he was there. She heard the sounds of Yuta-kun feeding Momoka. She didn’t know how he was doing it or what he was feeding her. “It’s a pear,” Yuta-kun murmured, seeming to notice her tenseness. “I have a small pocket knife. The pieces are small enough and soft for her to eat.”

Yuta-kun managed to get Momoka to fall back asleep on the blanket after a while. Sayuri fed the baby in the dark. Even if Yuta-kun could not see her, she was careful, pulling one of the blankets that were wrapped around the baby over her to cover herself. Yuta-kun said nothing, even as the sound of the baby eating filled the small clearing around them. She listened carefully and heard his even breathing grow slower and deeper. He had fallen asleep.

For a young boy, Yuta-kun had helped her a lot. He was a child himself but he had taken care of Momoka. He had been gentle with her, treating her as if she was something precious to him. He didn’t even know her or her children but he had agreed to take them to Hinagu, even though Sayuri was sure there were other people he could’ve helped or he could’ve stayed in his village, where it was safe to be. She knew that it was thanks to Matsumoto-san that someone was helping them but Yuta-kun and his father could have said no. One of Matsumoto's other friends would have helped them if he did. But he hadn't. Yuta-kun had come by himself to help him.

It was a while before Yuta-kun woke up. Sayuri had sat in silence, tending to her baby’s needs as she waited.

“I’ll be back,” he said suddenly. She saw him stand. “If there are soldiers ahead, the people traveling behind us will not survive.”

“Yuta-kun!” Sayuri called out to the boy, but he had already begun making his way back. She heard the crunch of leaves and branches fade out as Yuta-kun walked further away from them.

Sayuri held Momoka, who was startled awake because of Yuta-kun. She whispered words of reassurance to her daughter.

She thought of Iwamoto, the village that she had been born and raised in. There was no doubt it was all gone now. The house that she and Tatsuo had built from the ground up was most likely destroyed. The schoolhouse at which Sayuri worked was probably nothing. The small shops that lined the streets were burned to the ground.

Sayuri closed her eyes and prayed. She prayed that Tatsuo was near. She prayed that they would make it to Hinagu.

As she finished her prayer, one loud shot sounded. It was loud enough that she heard it from where they were, deep in the forest. Quickly, she stood up, pulling Momoka up as well. She stumbled about and after a few minutes of walking, Sayuri pulled Momoka up onto her hip. Holding both her children, she made her way to the road.

It was a while before she emerged.

There was the carriage. The horse that had been attached to it was nowhere to be seen. There were no other carriages behind the one that she had been in.

Sayuri carefully stepped onto the road. There was nobody. No one to be seen as far as the road went on.

As she rounded the carriage to where the door was, she saw him.

Sayuri almost yelled but held herself back. Her breath caught in her throat and she became breathless. The sight was overwhelming. Quickly, Sayuri got into the carriage, pulling the door closed. She sat Momoka on the seat. She brought a hand to her mouth, unable to get the sight out of her mind. When she blinked, the image was there. And when she opened her eyes, she still saw it. Just outside the door, on the floor.

Sayuri cried.

She cried for an hour before she calmed down. Her entire body was shaking. It was probably the hunger, the thirst, the exhaustion, and the shock combined. She had gotten Momoka to fall asleep again after feeding her some of the fruit. Her children were unaware of just what lied outside the carriage. The baby in her arms had some milk from Sayuri but fell asleep after. It was only Sayuri now.

No one came during that time. It remained quiet. There were no horses pulling carriages up. No footsteps around. There hadn’t been another shot fired since she emerged from the forest. She figured it was safest inside the carriage. If anyone approached, they would assume everyone was dead, with the way that the boy’s body was outside.

Sayuri didn’t know what time it was when somebody did come. She heard the horses, the wheels of a wagon. Voices. Footsteps approaching.

Gasps when they got near enough.

“We must find another way,” a man said. “You know this boy, Yokoyama?”

Some quiet words were exchanged.

They disappeared shortly after, the sounds all vanishing from where they came from. Sayuri cried once more.

It must’ve been hours before the next person came.

“Oh, my,” came a man’s voice. “Do you know him?”

“Yuta-kun,” came another voice. It was breathless. “Yuta-kun!”

Sayuri almost screamed as she heard the voice. Her shaking hands almost reached for the handle of the door but she stopped herself, not wanting to see what was outside. There were some quiet words exchanged. Footsteps. And then the door opened.

It was nighttime but she was able to recognize the person anyway. There was no forgetting the silhouette of this man. “Tatsuo,” she cried.

“Sayuri.”

She was engulfed in a hug. “I thought I lost you.” She choked back a sob.

“I thought I lost you,” Tatsuo repeated.

* * *

There was little left in Hinagu when they arrived. The sun was beginning to rise again in the distance. Tatsuo walked ahead of her, with Momoka on his back. When he stopped walking and took in the sight before them, Sayuri rushed to stand beside him.

The town was burned down the night before Flames still raged on in the distance. Some buildings were completely destroyed while others had some walls standing, walls that would fall by nightfall as the fire on them continued to burn.

Sayuri looked around, looking for evidence of life. There were personal belongings scattered, burnt into a crisp. She could see shoes, blankets, and clothes discarded all around the road that went through the middle of the village. There was little else.

“Be careful, Sayuri,” Tatsuo called out as she stepped towards a little pair of shoes beside the remnants of a small house on the edge of the village, cinders still glowing orange.

She fell to her knees and inspected them. They were little things. She held her baby closer against her chest. As she took in the sight, she hoped that the owner of the shoes had made it somewhere safe. She turned to her husband. “They knew they were coming?”

Tatsuo had a grim expression on his face as he nodded. “Many packed up and left once the news that Shirazaki was burned down arrived in Iwamoto.” He looked around once more. “Matsumoto-san said that Yuta-kun’s father was helping take people out even further. To the south”

“What are we going to do?” Sayuri asked. There was no way that Yuta-kun’s father was still here. He had either left with everyone else or remained to help and lose his life.

“We must continue on.”

Sayuri stood, adjusting her petticoat. “How long?”

Tatsuo opened his mouth but said nothing. He sighed. “There is nothing left for us here,” he said quietly. Sayuri looked at him curiously, wondering what was going on in his head. When he looked at her once more, she could see the desperation in his eyes. “We’ll go until we reach Modan.”

“Modan?”

It was not the name of a village in The West Empire. Sayuri had never heard of such a place. She knew that the goal had been to find refuge in a village near the southeast border of The West Empire, but Modan was not a village there. Not a village that she knew, at least.

“It’s not on the southeast border,” Tatsuo said gently as if he had read her mind. “It’s a little village that’s hidden further out. It’s about a fortnight of travel from here to there.”

Sayuri almost gasped. “There is no way…” She looked at the small figure in her arms. “They will not survive.”

Tatsuo came up to her and grabbed her shoulders. She looked up at him. “I know people there, Sayuri,” he said. “Our children will survive.”

Sayuri nodded her head. Her husband would never lead their family astray. This man before her was good. She trusted him with everything she had. He took her hand and they began to walk down the main road of Hinagu, in between the burned down houses.

Tatsuo found a building that had barely escaped the fire and settled them inside. It was smaller than their house was in Iwamoto but they would not be staying long. There was a small bedroom with a bed that was still intact. The baby was laid to sleep and Momoka slept beside her brother after crying for a few minutes. Her child was hungry, and it hurt Sayuri.

As her husband tried to find things that had escaped the fire outside, Sayuri looked around the house. The fire had burned a lot of the outside but it was not enough to make the house collapse or unstable. The smell was awful but if she kept the bedroom door closed, the children would not be affected by the remnants of smoke.

There was a small kitchen, various little pots and pans hanging from nails in the wall. A few bowls and chopsticks, some knives and spoons. There were some bags of dried fruits and vegetables, jars of pickled vegetables and fruits, a large sack of rice. Dried and fresh herbs were laid out on a small table. There was a large bucket of water. It was enough. Sayuri turned to the small stove, carefully starting a fire to heat up the top. She filled a small pot with water and rice, placing it over the hot stove to cook.

As she waited, she opened up the rice sack. It was almost empty. She would pack as many of the dried fruits and vegetables as she could into it with the remaining rice. She eyed the jars of pickled fruits and vegetables before deciding against it. They would eat those here with the rice.

When everything was packed into the rice sack, Sayuri explored the house a little more. There was very little inside. A small low table for eating. There was a dresser that was empty except for a few blankets. Gardening equipment was laid by the door that led to the back of the house.

She ventured outside, looking around. There was no one from what she could see. The back of the house faced the forest. It was fenced off, the back of the house changed into a small garden space. She crouched down, inspecting each plant. She found a few heads of cabbage that looked like they were forgotten and took one. She pulled a few other things from the ground, finding bright orange carrots and onions. She could work with these.

She gathered everything and went back inside, laying out what she picked. She could make some now in a soup, and pack the rest in the sack. She pulled another pot out and began preparing a simple soup.

It was finished by the time the sun was high above them and Tatsuo had returned with many things. He stumbled into the small house. His hard expression softened as he noticed the pots with food. Sayuri had woken Momoka up and had fed her already. The small girl sat by the table, happily playing with the tops of the carrots.

At the sight of her father, Momoka began begging to be picked up, making hands at Tatsuo and speaking her own language. Tatsuo set down the things in his hands and lifted her onto his hip. He looked at Sayuri. “How did you do this?”

Sayuri let herself smile. It felt strange, but as she smiled, Tatsuo did too so it was okay. “I used what I could find.”

She served Tatsuo a little bit of everything and watched as he enjoyed the food. She ate some when she fed Momoka and it had been some of the best food she had ever tasted. She had not eaten anything but the fruit and hard bread Tatsuo took from their house.

“I found more food,” Tatsuo said in between bites of food. He had Momoka in his lap, and she was playing with his long hair, giggling every now and then. He smiled down at their daughter. “I found blankets and even some money.”

“Did you find anyone?” Sayuri asked carefully.

Tatsuo turned to her with a frown.

It was her biggest fear all day. Finding someone deep underneath the rubble. The sight outside of the carriage in the middle of the road was still burned inside her mind. She knew that coming into Hinagu, there was the possibility of seeing more. She had not seen anyone but Tatsuo had scoured the entire village. If there was anyone, he would have seen.

“Not anyone,” he replied quietly. “It seems everyone left long before the soldiers arrived.”

A loud cry from the bedroom pulled Sayuri out of her thoughts. She stood, fixed her clothes and walked into the bedroom. The baby was hungry now.

Thankfully, after eating, Sayuri had begun to produce more milk to feed him. She had been worried. Her child relied on her to make his food but there would be none if Sayuri didn’t eat or drink anything, at least nothing filled with the things he needed to survive.

She fed her baby. As he ate, she pushed back the little bit of hair he had. It was very little hair but she could see that it was a deep brown. His eyes were wide, big and brown like his father’s. Even his small nose and little lips resembled Tatsuo’s already. As he grew, he would become a man that resembled Tatsuo, without a doubt.

Sayuri smiled. She had known Tatsuo since they were children. She did not even know that Tatsuo wanted to marry her until he asked her one night. She had barely come of age and her parents were already looking at the eligible men in the village. Tatsuo had never crossed their minds. If Sayuri and her family were considered low, Tatsuo came from even lower than them.

She had said yes, much to her parents’ despair. She had never seen Tatsuo in a romantic way but she was willing to try. She had known him for so long, it would not be hard to love him. And it wasn't. Everything had fallen into place with Tatsuo naturally.

Their children were proof of their love.

As the baby in her arms fell asleep, she settled him back onto the bed. She fixed her clothes and stood, closing the bedroom door behind her.

Tatsuo had finished eating and was playing with Momoka now. Sayuri felt a certain warmness bloom in her chest.

She would follow this man to the end of the world.

* * *

It was true that Tatsuo knew people. Sayuri didn’t ask how he had come to know these men. She trusted him.

It was ten days before they reached a place called Dongsu-ri. It was a village near the northwestern border of the Southern Kingdom. Sayuri had been nervous, knowing that they had crossed into the Southern Kingdom, but Tatsuo had reassured her it would be fine.

A small portion of the money that Tatsuo had found was enough to pay for a room at an inn close to the center of the village, near all of the shops.

Tatsuo struggled to speak their language, stumbling over his words, but he seemed to manage. The syllables were unfamiliar on his lips and even more foreign on Sayuri’s. She had never learned much about the Southern Kingdom. Tatsuo had somehow, as he led them around the village, buying fresh fruits and bread from the vendors for less than the asking price.

Sayuri stayed back, not knowing what to do. She held onto her baby. He had grown over the last ten days since they left Hinagu, a good sign that he was still healthy despite how much Sayuri struggled throughout the journey. She had spared her own health for Momoka’s, tending to the small girl when they ate. Momoka’s small teeth were not strong enough to eat solid food, and it was hard to make things like gruel when they had nothing but a small sack to carry around, so Sayuri had to find better ways of feeding her.

As Tatsuo bargained for some vegetables, Momoka sleeping in his arms, Sayuri looked around. The village center was bustling with people buying or selling things. Children were running around, crying out happily as they played. Even though Dongsu-ri seemed to be a village similar to Iwamoto, the people seemed much happier.

“Oh! Miss,” a young woman cried out behind her.

Sayuri turned and looked at her. She was a short woman, even shorter than her. Her hair was black and short, hidden underneath a hat. Her wide brown eyes peered into the bundle in her arms. She said something but Sayuri found it hard to understand. She only knew a few words in the language of the Southern Kingdom, things that she heard Tatsuo say or that he taught her when they were traveling through the forest.

The young lady seemed to notice Sayuri’s distress and spoke slower. “Baby,” she said carefully, “Name?”

Sayuri looked at her baby. She had not given him a name. When he was born, Tatsuo said he should have a special name so they decided to think about it. But now he was in his third week of life and he remained nameless since the traveling and the hiding had taken over Sayuri and Tatsuo’s thoughts.

“Name,” Sayuri repeated in the foreign language. 

Something special. She had thought about naming him something with a special meaning, like Ichiro or Kazunari. Had the baby been a girl, she would have named the baby Megumi or Yumi. When he was born, Sayuri wanted to name him after one of Tatsuo’s brothers, but he refused to let her name him that. Tatsuo said that his brother had not done anything special to have a child named after him.

She smiled at her baby, seeing another face in her mind. It was someone that had done something worth having a child named after him. She looked at the woman. “Yuta.”

“Yuta,” the woman repeated. She laughed brightly. She said something else that was lost on Sayuri but then she placed her hands on her abdomen. Her stomach was rather flat but Sayuri knew what she was saying then. “Baby.”

Sayuri smiled at the woman. Before she could say anything, a young man came by and placed a hand on her shoulder. The man gave Sayuri a smile before speaking to the woman. She nodded and then turned to Sayuri.

“Goodbye, Miss,” she said. She carefully reached out to touch the baby’s cheek. “Goodbye, Yuta.”

The woman and man left, hand in hand, disappearing into a shop down the road.

Sayuri almost laughed, holding her baby closer. When Tatsuo appeared, his eyes were questioning.

“What happened?” he asked quietly.

“Our baby!” Sayuri exclaimed. “His name, I know it.”

Tatsuo raised his eyebrows.

“Nakamoto Yuta.”

* * *

Tatsuo’s connections to people from the Southern Kingdom remained mysterious but Sayuri’s trust never wavered. After their one night in the inn, Tatsuo collected everything they managed to buy the day before. Sayuri prepared the children. Even though it was nearing winter, the Southern Kingdom was not as cold so the coat Momoka had and a thin blanket was enough. For Yuta, a few blankets were enough to keep him warm.

Sayuri pulled on a coat that Tatsuo bought her at one of the shops the day before. It was made from thick wool and felt wonderful. She packed the rice sack with their food and tied it to her apron. She held Yuta in her arms and Momoka was picked up by Tatsuo, who had packed everything.

“Mr. Seo will take us,” Tatsuo said as they left the inn. He looked around and when he spotted a man on the front of a wagon, the reins in his hands, he motioned to him. “He travels to Modan to see his family often. He also picks up things they only have there and sell some goods. He’ll take us there.”

Sayuri eyed the man. He was around Tatsuo’s age, if not a little older. When he looked over at them, he quickly got off and approached them.

He bowed in Sayuri’s direction. “Hello,” he said. Sayuri must’ve looked taken aback by his use of the native language of The West Empire because he laughed lightly. “Nakamoto Sayuri-san, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Seo Hyunjong.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Sayuri said, dazed.

“This must be your newborn,” he said, peering at Yuta in Sayuri’s arms. “His name?”

“Yuta,” Tatsuo replied quickly, turning Hyunjong’s attention to him. “He’s named after someone very special Sayuri knew.”

“He must be honored,” Hyunjong replied. Sayuri remained quiet. Hyunjong moved and motioned to his wagon. “Shall we go?”

Tatsuo and Hyunjong began to bring everything onto the bed of the wagon. When everything was loaded, Tatsuo helped Sayuri up and then Momoka. Sayuri managed to lay out a blanket in the middle of all the crates and sacks, where Momoka sat. Tatsuo had found a few small dolls for sale and had bought them so she could entertain herself, even if she was still too young to play properly. Momoka seemed entertained enough.

The two men sat out front and the wagon began to move after a few minutes, the sound of horse hooves coming down on the cobblestone and the sound of the wheels turning over the road blending in with the rest of the sounds of Dongsu-ri. The sounds eventually faded out, and it was just the sound of the horses and the wheels.

The trip from Dongsu-ri to Modan-ri was long. The village was located in the Yuksan Mountains, deep in the forest. The village had been around for a long time but remained small because of its location. It was difficult to travel there since much of the mountains remained uncleared and undiscovered. The nearest town to Modan-ri was almost six days’ time away. Dongsu-ri was the nearest village to Modan-ri and still, the trip was four days and three nights long.

The people there had managed to clear out much of the forest to plant their crops and the soil was able to grow several different things. The rivers that ran through the Yuksan Mountains were near enough to provide fresh water for the village. They had enough animals around to hunt regularly. Tatsuo had told Sayuri all of this.

He promised that Seo Hyunjong could help them acquire some land of their own there with the money Tatsuo had found. There were enough resources around to build a small house and the people there were hospitable. There was no doubt they would help them as much as possible. Jobs were plentiful there and money was not an issue. They’d be able to get back on their feet quickly.

“It’s different here,” Tatsuo said, hope in his eyes. “We don’t have to live like we used to.”

Sayuri didn’t want to hope too much but she trusted her husband.

She peered out of the wagon, saw the dense forest. The smell of the trees was strong, but not overwhelming. She listened to the sound of the horses and the wheels moving, taking them to their new home.

Sayuri enjoyed the day, taking in the sights and trying to memorize the feeling. A river was nearby, its water sounding loud as it ran down the mountain. Momoka also seemed to enjoy the ride, peering around through the back of the wagon.

They stopped shortly near the river to eat and feed the horses. Sayuri prepared something simple for everyone. Hyunjong was thankful, bowing his head deeply as Sayuri served him. Tatsuo complimented her repeatedly, She crushed some fruit down until it was small and soft enough for Momoka to eat. She fed Yuta in the privacy of the wagon bed. 

She ate whatever was left. Yuta was asleep in the wagon bed. Tatsuo had taken Momoka to wade in the river. Sayuri watched as she giggled, splashing around happily.

Hyunjong sat beside her, finishing up his food. He set down his bowl and laid back on his elbows. “Tatsuo says you’ve known each other since you were infants.”

Sayuri was startled by his sudden words breaking the silence but quickly composed herself. “Ah, yes,” she replied. “Growing up in such a small place, everyone knows each there.”

“I understand,” Hyunjong said. “I grew up in Modan-ri. I know everyone there. I moved to Dongsu-ri for work but I visit as much as I can. My brother and his wife have taken over our parents’ house there. A small thing that was built by my great-great grandparents long ago when they settled down there.”

“What do you do?” Sayuri asked. Tatsuo had mentioned that Hyunjong sold some goods but never said more.

“Ah, that,” he chuckled. “My wife and I own a tailor shop. She often wants to sell some of the things that we have no use for. She also makes a lot of clothes by hand so I take them where I can to sell. It’s hard to sell handmade things now, with the new machines appearing. Those things don’t make as many mistakes as a human.”

Sayuri nodded, giving the man a smile. “Is that so?” she asked. “I’ve never seen one of those. Iwamoto had always relied on handmade garments.”

“The people here pick up on these things quickly,” Hyunjong replied. 

Sayuri hummed. She looked at the man. “How do you know Tatsuo?” she asked, careful with the wording of her question.

“I met Tatsuo-kun long ago when we were young men,” Hyunjong replied. “He used to come to Dongsu-ri to sell fruits and vegetables we don’t have in the Southern Kingdom.”

“Oh?”

Sayuri had never heard about this part of Tatsuo’s life. Even though she had known him for many years and they had been together for almost five years now, they weren’t close friends when they were younger. Sayuri had her own small group, girls that lived nearby. Tatsuo had his group of friends, people that lived near him. She knew that when Tatsuo was young, he worked a lot, taking many jobs to earn money. When Sayuri finished school, her connection to Tatsuo waned for a few years. This all must’ve been during that time.

“I never saw him much after he told me he was going to marry,” Hyunjong asked. “He said he wanted to stay in Iwamoto, find work there even if it paid little to nothing.”

“That sounds like him,” Sayuri said, embarrassed.

“I’m surprised he managed to find me yesterday,” Hyunjong confessed. “He said he brought his family. That things have gone terrible up there and that the Empress has begun to destroy poor villages.”

“It happened like that,” Sayuri confirmed with a nod. She looked at Tatsuo’s friend, someone that had known parts of her husband that she never experienced and probably would never see. “We are indebted to you, Hyunjong-san.”

The man laughed loudly, throwing his head back. “Tatsuo was one of my dearest friends, and still is. Sayuri-san, I’m simply helping a friend.”

“We must repay you,” Sayuri insisted. “This is too much.”

“Sayuri-san!” he exclaimed. “I don’t want anything from you or Tatsuo. If anything, just make sure your children grow up well. Modan-ri is a good place to bring up a family. Take care of your children, that is enough for me.”

“Hyunjong-san…”

“My brother, in Modan-ri… his wife birthed a son for him. He was born this year, during the second month. He’s a beautiful boy, Sayuri-san,” Hyunjong said. “He’s going to grow up next to your boy. A friend for my nephew. There aren’t too many children in Modan-ri so it’s a relief to me, knowing that Tatsuo’s boy is going to grow up beside my brother’s.”

Sayuri hesitated. “And your own children?”

Hyunjong shook his head. “My wife and I tried but we couldn’t,” he said quietly. He looked at her. “It’s my brother’s boy that will carry our family’s name in the future.”

This was Tatsuo’s friend. Sayuri didn’t have doubts about him but it was reassuring to hear about him. He was a good man with an honest life.

“So please, Sayuri-san, take care of your children.”

“I will,” Sayuri promised.

Tatsuo returned from the river bank, Momoka in his arms. She was wrapped in a blanket, shivering from playing in the cold water. Sayuri quickly finished eating and began to clean up. The two men brought everything back to the wagon and helped her back in. The sun would set soon and they would keep on through the night. Their next stop would be when the sun rose.

Sayuri slept as they continued, feeling reassured in what was to come. She only awoke when Yuta began to cry for food. She fed him and settled him back down. She peered out and saw that it was Tatsuo handling the reins now, his friend asleep beside him. It was the middle of the night. She laid back down and slept once more.

The trip went like that. They weaved through the trees, pausing only to eat and take care of the horses. Sayuri and her children slept or played in the wagon bed as the men took turns leading the horses through the mountains.

A few days later, some hours after they had stopped to eat, the ground flattened out. Sayuri looked out and saw some small houses tucked in between the trees, little dirt roads branching off the main road leading towards the front doors. The sound of life began to fade in, growing louder the further they went. Men and women bustling about, a few children zipping in between small shops and houses. 

They continued for a few more minutes before the wagon came to a slow stop. Sayuri heard footsteps coming. Tatsuo appeared at the end of the wagon bed and beckoned her over. She hurried to him and he helped her down. Momoka remained asleep on the blankets inside, only Yuta was in her arms.

“This is my brother’s house,” Hyunjong said. He hurried to the front door of a house. He knocked and a woman opened it.

She said something, embracing Hyunjong. She was smaller than him, around Sayuri’s stature. She pulled back and looked at her and Tatsuo curiously. She asked Hyunjong something. They spoke for a few moments and Tatsuo introduced himself. Sayuri only nodded in greeting when Tatsuo motioned to her, his words coming too quickly for her to grasp.

The woman eventually motioned for them to go inside. Tatsuo went to the wagon bed and picked Momoka up. Sayuri followed Tatsuo inside the house.

It was small but well furnished. There was a low table for meals. Shelves held a handful of books, some jars of preserves, and a few other trinkets. The cooking space was separated from the eating and living space. There was a small seating area, some spare blankets on top of the small loveseat.

“Sayuri-san,” Hyunjong said when she settled on the loveseat. “This is my sister-in-law. Her name is Hara.”

Beside him, Hara smiled. She was older than Sayuri probably, the wrinkles around her eyes and lips a little more prominent than her own. “A pleasure,” Hara said, the words said slowly so Sayuri could understand.

“A pleasure,” Sayuri mimicked.

Hyunjong said something to his sister-in-law before motioning to Yuta. Hara’s face lit up and she quickly disappeared behind a door before coming back with a small bundle in her arms.

“My son,” Hara said. She sat beside Sayuri on the loveseat, pulling back the blankets. Sayuri looked at the child in her arms. He was small and cute. “His name, Youngho.”

Sayuri smiled and nodded. She pulled back the blankets around Yuta and showed him to Hara. “Yuta,” she said gently.

Hara cooed at him, reaching out to pinch his cheek. Sayuri smiled. Hara lifted her son, holding him up next to Yuta’s smaller body. She said something and Sayuri looked towards Hyunjong.

“She says they’ll be good friends.”

“I think they will be,” Sayuri replied.

* * *

“It was all so new,” she said. “It was a chance.”

“Mother,” Yuta said gently, reaching for her hand. “I have always known that I came from there. It’s only Haruna that was born in Modan-ri.”

Yuta’s mother looked desperate. “But, dear, we are not allowed to be here,” she said. “It’s not right by the law.”

Yuta was about to speak when his father spoke. “Yuta, if the palace finds out that we are not from here originally, we will have to go back to The West Empire. You, Momoka, Mom, and myself.”

“But…” Yuta struggled with his words. “Father, you have lived an honest life here! We all have. You have worked to earn every bit of money we have, you rightfully own this land, you have paid the Queen’s taxes and tariffs without complaint. You are seen as a citizen of this kingdom as much as anyone else here.”

“That is as a Na,” Yuta’s mother said. “We are not the Na family.”

“Many people that have come from The West Empire live honest lives here, Yuta,” his father said sternly, “But we do not belong here. That’s why… that’s why it’s dangerous for us, for you to go there.”

Yuta stood from his parents’ bed, fists clenched at his sides. “I do not have any recollection of The West Empire,” he said. “I've only ever been Na Yuta. I have only ever known the Southern Kingdom. And it is my duty to go to the palace for the family as a person of this kingdom.”

“Yuta,” his mother warned.

Yuta stayed quiet, even though he felt himself getting riled up. His parents had good reasons. 

Going back to a place that Yuta had never known would be horrible. The conditions had been terrible when his parents left and they had only gotten worse for the people that were poor. Yuta and his family would not survive in The West Empire. The Empress had passed away a few years ago and her son had become Emperor. His disdain was evident in his actions. Even more villages had been destroyed since then; the news reached Modan-ri sometimes, leaving people worried about what was going on there.

It would be dangerous if Yuta was discovered to not be born on Southern Kingdom soil. But he was so young when he arrived. His first steps had been on Southern Kingdom soil, he was educated here, he worked here, had friends here. He had always considered Modan-ri his home and the Southern Kingdom as his homeland. 

“I have to go,” Yuta said, defeated.

“So you will,” his mother said calmly, taking his hand in hers. “And you’ll come back.”

“I’ll come back.”

Yuta’s father dismissed him then, handing him back the envelope. When he made it to the living space, Haruna bounded over to him, prying the envelope from his hands. She read the letter and clapped.

“Nii-chan, you’re going to see the prince!” she exclaimed, hugging him.

Yuta wrapped an arm around her. “I’ll tell you about him when I come back,” Yuta said.

Haruna laughed against his chest, hugging him tighter. “You better.”

Momoka pried Haruna away, taking Yuta into her own arms. “Yuta-chan,” she whispered against his ear, “be safe.”

He had no doubt that Momoka how dangerous it was for Yuta to be called to the palace.

“I will be,” Yuta said. 

“Dinner will be ready in a few hours,” Momoka said as she pulled back. She gave him a pat on the shoulder. “I’m sure you want to speak to someone before you have to leave.”

“Who?”

Momoka gave him a look and Yuta almost gasped. He quickly stood up and excused him, leaving his sisters giggling behind him.

He rushed out of the house, going to the east side of the village. There was a small shop and a small house attached to it on the eastern border of Modan-ri. Yuta walked as quickly as he could. When it came into his view, he began to run, seeing someone tending to the flowers out front.

“Yuta?” It was a young woman. She had on a straw hat. Her dress was simple, an ivory color that was shining in the late afternoon sun. She held a watering can in her hands but set it down, taking a few steps towards him. “What’s the matter?”

“Mina,” he said breathlessly. “I’m leaving.”

Mina’s eyes widened. She took a few steps closer, reaching out to take his wrist, pulling him close. “Let’s go inside,” she murmured.

They entered the small house. Mina brought out a few teacups and a small porcelain teapot. She poured him a little bit, urging him to drink. She returned to the kitchen before bringing out another plate with small pastries.

“Take your time,” she said, settling onto the floor beside Yuta and picking up her own teacup. “I’ll be here.”

Mina was younger than Yuta by a couple of years but she had always been a mature person. She was a quiet person but was still rather bright and definitely pleasant to be around. Yuta had known her since he was a kid. Since she was younger, she ran around with the children her age, though there weren’t many. Because of this, it was often that all the kids played together regardless of age. It was only as Yuta grew older, finished school, and began working that he forgot about Mina.

When Momoka began working at the schoolhouse a few years back, Mina had already been helping there. She spoke to Yuta whenever he passed by to say hello to his sister. She was a beautiful girl, she always had been, but now that they were grown, Yuta noticed it more than he had as a kid.

Mina had long, black hair that she styled carefully every day, pinning it up to put under her cap and hat. Her family owned a little pastry shop and they had plenty of business so Mina’s dresses were always made beautifully. Her eyes were big and bright, and her smile was soft and gentle. She was well-educated despite being from Modan-ri, where they only had a handful of teachers in the schoolhouse to teach different subjects. She handled the children well, being the kind and patient person she was.

Any fool would be lucky to have a partner like Mina by their side. And it was Yuta that she had taken an interest in.

“Mina, I will come back,” Yuta said after a few minutes of drinking his tea and eating some of the sweet pastries. He turned to her, taking her hand in his. Mina gasped, eyes widening. “But I want to know something first.”

“What is it?” she asked quietly. Yuta felt her tighten her grip on his hands.

“I will return in two weeks,” he said confidently. “But before I leave, I want to know that when I get back, you will be here.”

“Yuta…”

“Mina, promise me,” he said.

Mina said nothing but she leaned in quickly. Her plush lips were soft against his own. Yuta closed his eyes. His hands moved to her waist and he felt Mina’s hands clutch the front of his shirt. It was a short kiss. She pulled back, eyes opening slowly, a smile blooming on her face. “I promise,” she said. “I’m promised to you.”

Yuta smiled, leaning in to kiss her again.

Both of them had been dancing around each other for almost two years. The gentle touch of hands reaching as they walked beside each other, the shy smiles shared on the steps of the schoolhouse, the hidden compliments they threw each other's' way. Momoka had been the first to notice and then Mina’s older brother. She had come up in conversations with Yuta’s parents.

_Mina is a good woman._ His mother liked her, and so did his father. His sisters loved her dearly.

_Yuta, you’re a good man._ Mina’s parents liked him, and her older brother seemed to enjoy his company as well.

When Yuta came back, he would have someone waiting for him. He would go to the palace, see the Prince pick his bride at the ceremony, and come back home to his own.

“I’ll wait,” Yuta said. “To tell your parents.”

They sat there and talked. Mina asked him about the trip. Yuta told her all of the details. When Mina’s mother and father came home, Mina was smiling, speaking excitedly.

“Yuta?” her father asked.

Yuta stood, lowered his head in respect. “Sir, I have asked Mina to wait for me to come back,” he said. He heard Mina’s mother gasp but he continued. “I apologize for not having asked, but I leave tomorrow and had to know that Mina would be waiting here for when I returned.”

“It’s your duty,” Mina’s father said. Yuta raised his head and saw him smiling. “You did not need to ask. Mina does not need me to hand her over to you. She is her own person. And if this is what she wants…”

His eyes turned toward Mina, who nodded.

“Then it is my duty to welcome you into our family.”

Yuta looked towards Mina, who was smiling brightly. “I have a ring at home,” he said, catching Mina’s attention. “It is the one that my father presented to my mother, and before that, my grandfather to my grandmother.”

Mina’s mother exclaimed happily, rushing over to embrace Yuta.

* * *

The carriages were empty. There was about a dozen, with each one large enough to fit four people. They were beautiful carriages, decorated with gold, the crest of the family adorning it.

Yuta presented himself at the center of the village with everyone else. He stood in between Youngho and Donghyuck. He knew that his family was watching as everyone began to get into the empty carriages. And he knew that Mina and her family were also there, a beautiful silver ring adorning Mina’s finger. A promise for the future.

When Yuta got into the carriage, he sat beside Youngho. Donghyuck sat across Yuta and across from Youngho was another boy, around Donghyuck’s age.

He introduced himself as Jeno, Donghyuck laughing beside him. They used to be schoolmates. Donghyuck introduced both Yuta and Youngho. He didn’t mention that they worked for his dad, which Yuta was grateful for but he was sure that Jeno already knew. Yuta had seen the boy around many times; Yuta knew his family already, having worked for Jeno's father once in the past. It was hard not to know everyone in Modan-ri when there was only so many people.

It was Jeno and Donghyuck’s chatter that filled the carriage, their jokes and laughs loud.

Yuta took the opportunity to look out of the small window, pulling back the coverings. He had very little reason to travel out of Modan-ri so he wanted to know the surroundings of his village. He knew it was all forest for miles but he wanted to see it for himself.

Beside him, Youngho dozed off, only having told Yuta to wake him up when they stopped to eat dinner

From what Yuta had gathered, they would travel all day, only stopping by the sun fell. They’d travel through the night and take another break when the sun rose. The trip from Modan-ri to the palace would be twelve days if they stopped constantly. With fewer points of rest, the trip would only take seven days. They would arrive the night before the ceremony.

Yuta’s mother had packed a canteen of cold water and large sack with fresh fruits, berries, and small loaves soft bread that they could eat if they got hungry in between and after the first few hours, Youngho woke up, asking Yuta to give him something. Jeno and Donghyuck also asked and Yuta handed out some of the fruit. It was enough to keep them full for the rest of the day until they stopped.

Yuta fell in and out of sleep over the trip. He slept after they ate and woke up to find the carriage traversing over a bridge, a loud river underneath them. The forest thinned out and he could see a few houses scattered far apart, people that didn’t belong to any town or village, but lived in the wilderness, alone.

Their stops were done in small clearings. There were dozens of people from Modan-ri, laughing and talking as they shared a large meal made from whatever they had brought with them. Yuta offered his bread the first night, everyone happily accepting his contribution. It was cut into thin slices so everyone got one with their small serving of rice.

Even the people from the palace partook in their meals, though Yuta wondered if the food was up to par with their standards since they were the drivers, officers, and messengers of the Queen. They talked very little, focusing on the horses more than what the villagers did. 

After two days, they arrived in Dongsu-ri and Yuta took in the village. He recalled the small details his mother had told him. It was bright and loud. Men and woman walking about, many children running around. It was larger than Modan-ri but not by much. The houses were small and went on until the forest began once more. The shops proudly displayed fresh goods and other things. As the passed through the center of the village, Youngho said that he had an aunt living in Dongsu-ri and that she owned a small tailor shop.

Yuta turned to him. “An aunt?” he asked.

Youngho nodded as he looked out, taking in the village. “Yes,” he said. “She takes care of it by herself. My uncle passed away a few years ago.”

Yuta felt his heart shatter at the news. “I’m sorry,” he said. Did Yuta's father know this?

“It’s not a new wound,” Youngho said with a wave of his hand, settling back into the seat. Yuta saw the small frown on his friend’s face. “He was very ill at the end of his life. I prepared myself long before he actually died.”

“You must’ve been close,” Yuta murmured.

“We were,” Youngho said. “He always took care of me when he visited us at home. He loved me like I were his own child. He didn’t have any of his own. He gave me a funny nickname as a kid… Johnny… Only he called me that. I don’t know where he got it from but I liked it.”

Yuta nodded, deciding not to say anything more. It felt too intrusive to tell Youngho that he already knew some of this information. His parents had told him everything. Yuta said a silent prayer, a silent thank you to Youngho’s uncle, the friend of Yuta’s father, the man that had helped his family when he was a baby.

Dongsu-ri came and went quickly. When they arrived in Mullyu-ri one morning, Dongsu-ri was a place that was three days in the past. One of the officers announced that they would arrive at the palace in two nights. Mullyu-ri was one of the last stops they would make.

They were allowed to visit some of the shops to purchase any necessities while under the watchful eye of a palace officer. Youngho and Yuta used some of their money to buy some more food. Donghyuck had enough to buy himself some new stockings with intricate clocking. Jeno bought some new buckles for his shoes.

The officer trailed behind them, his eyes never leaving the little group. Jeno and Donghyuck cracked some jokes about him quietly. Youngho said nothing as he browsed around the village. Yuta tried his best to ignore the man’s eyes.

When they boarded back into the carriage and the officer settled up front with the driver, the two young boys began joking around.

“He looks so serious!” Donghyuck cried out. “What a cranky old guy!”

Youngho scolded him. They might be able to hear him but Yuta knew that Donghyuck cared very little about that.

They continued on. They had dinner at another small village. Yuta didn’t know the name of it. This was so far south that Yuta didn’t know where he was. Youngho and Jeno were just as confused.

“Yamido-ri!” Donghyuck exclaimed. “I’ve only come here once or twice. It’s twice the size of Mullyu-ri.”

There seemed to be a festival going on. Some of the others from Modan-ri had asked the officers if they could see it and when they said it was alright for a few hours, Jeno and Donghyuck were quick to leave, joining a group of their schoolmates followed by an officer.

Yuta stayed back, wanting to rest his eyes after eating something. Youngho had busied himself with a small book he had purchased in Mullyu-ri, telling Yuta that he wasn’t much for celebrations, especially with strangers. Like Yuta, Youngho had only ventured so far from Modan-ri.

When Jeno and Donghyuck returned, they came bearing small gifts. They were little trinkets and figurines made from metal and glass.

“It’s the Prince, apparently,” Jeno said as Youngho and Yuta inspected the small figurine.

Youngho snorted, putting his little figurine into the sack he had brought along. “They made him a little ugly, don’t you think?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Jeno said, confused. “I’ve never seen the Prince.”

“One would think that the Southern Kingdom has a handsome prince since Her Majesty is so beautiful,” Youngho said, picking his book back up. “I hope he’s not that ugly. Whoever marries him is in for it then.”

Yuta rolled his eyes, punching Youngho’s shoulder. “I bet he isn’t too bad,” he said. “As you said, her Majesty is beautiful, and Her Highness is as well.”

The carriages moved forward once again. Yuta settled back into the seat, toying with the small thing in his hands. It was made hastily, he could tell, that’s why it was so ugly. He placed it into his own sack, careful not to break it.

By the next night, the carriages had slowed down significantly. A look out of the window told Yuta that they had arrived. The houses were larger here, big and beautiful things with gas lights that lit up the entire front of the house and the road. The men and women that walked around were dressed in beautiful suits and dresses, expensive fabrics embroidered with gold and printed with different patterns, jewels, and gems embedded into the garments. 

Their carriage was one of probably hundreds that were arriving.

When they stopped and got out, Yuta marveled at the place. They would be staying at one of the inns for the night and prepare for the ceremony tomorrow. Yuta stretched his legs before pulling Youngho along. Jeno and Donghyuck followed them.

The inn itself was beautiful. There were dozens of people from all the villages and towns of the kingdom waiting to be given a room. There was excitement in the air that was almost overwhelming.

Yuta pulled Johnny along when they were given their room. It was two persons per room. Women would pair with women and men with men. Youngho found their room and Yuta unlocked the door with the key.

The furniture was much nicer than Yuta had ever seen. It was even nicer than the furniture that Donghyuck’s family had in their house. One large bed, one large dresser, a loveseat and desk with writing supplies were all prepared. The wood used to make the furniture was beautiful, a deep brown, all of the pieces shining underneath the candlelight. 

There was a small washroom in the room as well. It had a toilet and a bathtub with a faucet. There was a large mirror on one of the walls as well.

“Wow,” Youngho said as he sat on the bed. “This is a lot.”

Yuta set his things on the dresser. He took a seat on the loveseat. It was soft and comfortable underneath him. “This is.”

Youngho laughed. “Let’s eat and then sleep.”

Yuta and Youngho ate some of the fruits and bread that had bought from the last village they visited. Youngho washed up first and Yuta cleaned up.

“The water is very warm,” Youngho said as he emerged from the washroom.

The water was indeed warm and felt amazing against Yuta’s bare skin after traveling for so long. He let himself soak in the tub for the better part of an hour before he made any move to wash. When he began to lather up, the water was cold but the faucet allowed him to fill the tub with warm water again.

He changed into a clean shirt he had brought with him when he was done.

Youngho was already in bed when Yuta left the washroom. He had taken the right side so Yuta would take the left. Before they had gotten their rooms, Jeno had joked that it would be uncomfortable sharing a bed with another man and that he was scared to share with Donghyuck. 

Yuta didn’t feel uncomfortable as he got into bed beside Youngho. He had known Youngho since they were babies. They had been attached at the hip, being some of the only boys their age in Modan-ri. Yuta’s mother said that they used to take baths together when they were small toddlers. It saved water that way and they seemed content to share a bath. They had shared beds as children when they stayed at each other’s houses. It was no different now.

Yuta laid down, finding the pillow and covers much softer than the one he had on his bed back home. When he turned on his side, he found Youngho already staring at him.

He laughed, suddenly embarrassed. Perhaps it was a little weird to share a bed, even if Youngho was his best friend.

“What kind of person do you think the Prince is going to pick?” Youngho asked, not fazed by the fact that they were in bed together.

“Someone beautiful,” Yuta said quickly. “And nice,” he added.

“A beautiful lady, without a doubt,” Youngho said seriously, nodding. “The daughter of some lord or something.”

“He’d never pick someone from a village like Modan-ri,” Yuta laughed. “Never.”

“Never,” Youngho repeated with a chuckle.

* * *

The Prince was not as ugly as the figurines that Jeno and Donghyuck bought at the Mullyu-ri festival were. The figurines were far from accurate. As the Prince stepped out, Yuta heard a collective gasp come from all of the individuals that had been called upon to participate in the ceremony.

His Highness was tall, around Yuta’s stature, but a little smaller than him in build. His shoulders weren’t too broad and he looked rather thin despite the bulkiness of his suit. It was a bright white suit, his coat, and waistcoat embroidered with an intricate gold design that Yuta couldn’t follow with his eyes. The Prince seemed to glow in the late morning sun.

As he descended down the steps, he heard the people at the front begin to whisper. The ladies and lords, all children of noblemen nearby, had the privilege of standing up front for His Highness to see first. Because much of the nobility had familial ties, noble individuals without the blood of the family were scarce. But their rarity made them so much more desirable. They wondered out loud which one of the ladies the Prince would choose. The chosen one would be stepping into a role that they had probably been prepped for their entire life. Yuta had heard their chatter earlier about how some of the young ladies had been raised to become a princess someday.

Yuta turned his gaze from the Prince to the ladies waiting up front. They were beautiful, without a doubt. Pale skin, red cheeks, small waists, and soft voices. Their intricate hairdos were tucked underneath their pretty hats, adorned with feathers and gems. Some had their clothes made in satin or silk in bright colors, pretty pastels, or deep shades, the fabrics shining in the afternoon sun. The jewels embedded in their dressed twinkled as they moved, like stars in broad daylight, it was almost blinding. 

Where Yuta stood, no one spoke. They simply admired in awe. It was their prince, the one that had only been seen once by the public. Yuta wondered how the Prince felt, coming out into the public for the first time since his birth for such an occasion.

A glance at the Prince gave nothing away. His face gave nothing away. His lips were pulled into a thin line, his brown eyes undecipherable.

Everyone held their breath as His Highness began to look at the crowd of candidates. Ladies gave him their best smiles and the gentlemen looked away, clearly embarrassed to be looked upon by another man. Yuta was sure that the Prince would choose a pretty lady rather quickly.

But he didn’t. The Prince took his time, his eyes taking in every individual person. There were about fifty noble men and women gathered for the ceremony and after half an hour, His Highness had seen everyone. He moved on, and there was another collective gasp.

The Prince continued on, his face remained calm. He bowed towards a young lady dressed in a dull dress, clearly someone from a lower status. The young girl blushed furiously, curtseying before hiding her face behind her hands. It was then that the Prince smiled. Soft and gentle, sweet and genuine.

Yuta felt his breath catch in his breath. There was no way that some figurine from Mullyu-ri could capture the Prince's appearance in any way that was appropriate. Yuta would admit that much to anyone that asked.

His Highness moved on, not making a move towards anyone. He walked around, studying every individual. The closer he came, the more nervous Yuta got. Would the Prince really pick a common woman for a wife? Couldn't he just pick a lady and go? What was the Prince looking for in a bride?

The sun here was stronger and Yuta could feel the sweat beginning to soak the collar of his shirt. He resisted the urge to reach up and pull at it. He kept his hands behind his back, his eyes on the man.

As he came to where Yuta stood, Yuta could see that the Prince looked rather young despite being the same age as Yuta. His skin looked perfect from afar, but this close, he could see the small scars from adolescence. There was a particularly large scar by one of his eyes. Still, the Prince was handsome up close, his imperfections making him even more charming.

He had thick eyebrows that were straight over his eyes. They gave him an intimidating look, even though his eyes seemed to actually be softer, the expression in them not as hard as it looked from far away.

Yuta blinked at the Prince. Whichever lady married him would definitely be lucky.

His Highness stepped directly in front of Yuta. His eyes looked him up and down. Yuta held back to urge to shy away. As the Prince’s eyes landed on his face, they made eye contact. 

The Prince smiled, for the second time since he had stepped out. Yuta felt his face burn and he didn’t doubt that he was a red as the young lady from earlier. He wanted to turn away and he almost did if it wasn't for what happened next.

The Prince stepped closer. Yuta almost backed away but the Prince moved quickly, his hand coming up to grab Yuta’s chin. Yuta gasped loudly and it sounded out through the courtyard. One would be able to hear a pin drop in the silence. Everyone standing in the front and everyone standing all the way in the back had probably heard him loud and clear as if he were beside them.

His pads of his fingers were soft against Yuta’s skin yet it seemed to burn where he was touching. Yuta almost jerked away but from beside him, he felt Youngho hold him in place by the wrist. At this, the Prince’s eyes drifted towards Youngho, curious. Youngho quickly let go and the attention was back on Yuta.

The Prince’s fingers dug into his jaw but it was not rough or hard. He simply held Yuta’s face in place, his eyes studying every part of him in detail. Yuta took shallow breaths, not meeting the eyes that were looking at him so intently.

After a full minute, the Prince carefully let go but didn’t remove his hand. He let his fingertips rest on Yuta’s cheek, ran his thumb over Yuta’s lips. He looked deep in thought as he stared at Yuta’s lips. Yuta held his breath. Yuta chanced a glance at his eyes. A cacophony of emotions swirled in them, Yuta couldn’t make out a single one.

When the Prince dropped his hand from Yuta’s face, the Prince stepped back and then turned. He began walking to the front and went up the stairs. Yuta heard gasps all around him. The young ladies standing at the front were quick to change their mood, their surprised faces turning into scowls.

As the Prince settled at the top, next to the herald that had announced his entrance, two large officers moved towards him. This couldn’t be.

Yuta looked at the Prince, meeting his eyes. From far away, he seemed untouchable, standing so high above everyone else, a visual representation of his status compared to everyone else gathered here. The Prince remained calm and then nodded once in Yuta’s direction.

The officers grabbed Yuta’s arms, gently pulling him out of the crowd. Yuta barely heard Youngho’s panicked “Yuta?!” as his feet began to move on their own, obeying the officers’ words of “Follow us, please.”

Yuta was escorted to the top of the staircases and when he stood by the Prince, he was able to see it all. The palace courtyard was extravagant from up here. Everyone below looked so small. Yuta turned to the Prince, panicked. Still, the Prince was calm and collected.

The herald cleared his throat and in a voice loud enough to quiet everyone’s whispers, he said: “His Highness, The Prince, has chosen his betrothed.”

* * *

The room that Yuta was led to was large. The large antechamber was well-furnished. The sofas were upholstered with a bright white velvet, large white pillows on it. Large golden vases decorated the room and had fresh flowers whose scent filled the room. There was a bookshelf in the corner, filled with plenty of reading material, a plush chair beside it. A desk with fresh paper and ink was tucked into another corner. Several paintings of beautiful landscapes decorated the walls. A large glass chandelier hung from the ceiling, the gold trim on the walls coming up to make spirals and swirls on the ceiling around the base of the chandelier.

Yuta ventured further and entered the bedchamber. A large bed, almost twice the size of the one he had at home, was in the center. There were windows on either side of the bed, covered with sheer curtains that softened the sun’s afternoon rays. The bedding looked extravagant, even better than the one from the inn they had stayed at last night. Four large pillars on the corners of the bed held up even more curtains that could be pulled to give privacy. The curtains were thicker, embroidered with gold and a bright white. There were about a dozen pillows on the bed, each one a clean white with the same gold details everything else had.

As Yuta stepped towards the bed, he allowed himself to touch the bedding. It was almost cloud-like. Yuta pulled back quickly, afraid that he would somehow dirty it.

To one side of the room was a small reading nook, armchairs similar to the sofas in the antechamber and another bookshelf. On the other side of the bedchamber, there were two large wardrobes pushed up against the wall. There was a large door beside the wardrobes and Yuta was positive that a private washroom was in there.

He looked up at saw another chandelier hanging above him, the glass reflecting the light of the sun and casting rainbows on the walls.

Yuta entered the washroom next and felt overwhelmed. The white marble shone in the sun. A large window with the curtains pulled back allowed a lot of sunlight to brighten up the room. The tub stood near the window, probably to admire the view that the window allowed. Yuta peered out and saw the beautiful gardens of the palace just below. There was a large fountain down there as well, clear water spouting up here and there, splashing back down.

Apart from the tub, there was little else in the washroom. Yuta found the toilet in a smaller room in the back corner and a washstand against another wall with a mirror.

As Yuta ran his fingertips against the porcelain of the tub, he heard someone clear their throat. Startled, Yuta pulled his hand back and took a step away from the tub. He turned and found a man standing there. He was rather young but he looked beyond exhausted.

He was well-dressed, but not like the Prince. His suit was blue, with silver details. His waistcoat was a lighter shade of blue and his coat and breeches a deep blue. It suited the man well. His hair was a deep brown and his skin was rather fair.

He held several papers in his hands. “Your Highness,” he greeted, bowing deeply.

Yuta almost rushed to pull him back up but held back, clenching his fists at his side. He had almost done so earlier as well, when the officers left him at the room, calling him by the title, but they had looked at him with hard expressions so he had simply stayed quiet, given them a nod.

He took a deep, shaky breath. “Yes?” he asked.

“My name is Moon Taeil,” the young man said. “I’ll be your gentleman of the bedchamber from now on.”

Yuta was flustered. He bowed in the man’s direction. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said.

Taeil offered him a small smile. “Some chambermaids will be here soon to draw a bath for you,” he said softly. “If you would come with me…”

Yuta nodded and walked towards Taeil. He followed him out of the bedchamber and antechamber, into the large hall. The decor was much gaudier in the hall, with the walls covered in mostly gold, accented with bright white trim. Several portraits hung on the wall, and a few console tables held large vases with bright flowers.

Taeil moved slowly, letting Yuta walk beside him. He seemed to be in a good mood, humming a tune that Yuta didn’t recognize. He was smaller than Yuta, in stature and in build, but Taeil still exuded confidence, walking tall.

“I’m sure you have questions,” Taeil said once he had finished his song. “I’m here to help you.”

“Oh,” Yuta said, dumbfounded and flustered once again. He gathered himself and took a deep breath. “Actually, I do have a question.”

Taeil glanced at him, waiting.

“When will I see my family again?” he asked.

His companion’s face fell slightly but Taeil seemed to perk up immediately. He offered a gentle smile. “The news will be relayed to them quickly,” he said. “They will be here to see you soon.”

Yuta thought of his parents, waiting to see him again. He thought of Momoka, who had told him to come back in one piece. He thought of Haruna, who had made him swear that he would tell her all about the palace. And then he thought of Mina, who had a ring around her finger, who promised him a future.

“Sir,” Yuta said, stopping in his tracks. Taeil stopped and turned back, eyebrows raised. “I can’t marry the Prince. I am already promised to someone back home.”

Taeil looked surprised. He struggled to form a sentence. He composed himself after a moment, lips turning into a straight line. “I’m sure that your promised one will understand,” was all he could manage before turning back.

Yuta trailed behind him. He had promised all of them back home that he would return. He wondered if Mina would understand, though knowing her, she would probably let him go in a heartbeat, even if it hurt her heart. The circumstances were different. It was not like Yuta was marrying a common person. This was the Prince.

And it was the Prince that was standing before him when Taeil opened the doors to a room.

“Oh, you’re here.”

The voice was soft and careful, nothing like what Yuta expected. The Prince looked at Yuta, eyes bright. A smile was threatening to form on his face.

“Please sit,” the Prince said, motioning to the sofa.

Yuta sat. If this was the Prince’s room, he didn’t know what to think. It was similar to the room he had been in but instead of white and gold, the room was decked in a pale shade of blue with white accents. Yuta would’ve thought that the Prince would have a room that was even grander, but perhaps not.

Taeil sat beside Yuta, his presence already comforting to Yuta. If Taeil was going to be his valet, Taeil had to quickly become Yuta’s anchor and there was no better moment to latch onto him than now.

A young woman brought a tray with a teapot, teacups, and small plates of biscuits. She poured them all a cup and exited with a bow. It was when the door had shut that the Prince spoke again, reaching for his cup.

“Take your time,” he said, “I’ll be here.”

Yuta’s heart stopped. The words were exactly the ones that he had heard from Mina a week ago when he was sitting in her house, drinking tea and eating some pastries. Yuta took a deep breath and reached for his own teacup.

He drank in silence, keeping his eyes on the painting that hung on the wall directly across from him. It was of a lake, blue and clear, its shore lined with trees. Large white clouds hung in the sky. Yuta took another deep breath.

“Your Highness,” Yuta said shakily, setting down his cup. He bowed his head towards the Prince. “It’s an honor to meet you.”

The Prince's face remained blank. His eyes were on Yuta as if he was measuring him up. "The honor is mine," the Prince said after a moment.

Yuta blinked, unsure if he could speak again. He busied himself with his teacup once more.

"How old are you?" came the question.

Yuta looked back up. He placed his teacup back on its saucer. "I'm twenty-four," he replied. "I was born at the end of the tenth month."

"Is that so?"

The Prince hummed. He looked unimpressed.

He stood and Yuta almost panicked, until he felt Taeil’s hand rest on his back.

“You must be tired. Taeil will take you back to your room now,” the Prince said. His voice had a certain softness to it that didn’t go away even as he spoke in a strong tone. “He’ll tend to you well. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Before Yuta could speak, the Prince disappeared into the bedchamber, calling out a name. Yuta was surprised that he had barely been able to say anything to him. He was flustered, looking towards the bedchamber. He felt Taeil's hands on him and he looked at Taeil, confused. What had been the point of this?

Taeil pulled Yuta up from the sofa, tugging him out of the room. “I’m sure your bath has been prepared. We must hurry now.”

The trip back to the room was shorter and Yuta admired the hardwood floors as they walked back. Yuta entered the washroom immediately and found the tub filled with water. The water smelled like flowers. Taeil entered the washroom and gently pulled Yuta towards him. Taeil’s fingers moved to the buttons on Yuta’s waistcoat. Yuta’s cheeks and ears burned as Taeil undressed him. He knew that it was Taeil's job to do so but he could have at least warned Yuta. It would be a while before he got comfortable with being dressed and undressed by Taeil.

When Yuta was down to his shirt, he got into the tub. Taeil left him then, telling him that he would prepare Yuta’s suit for him right outside the washroom.

Yuta let himself soak in the tub for about half an hour before he cleaned himself off. He did so slowly, not wanting to leave the washroom. Taeil had mentioned that he would have dinner in his antechamber after the bath and then he could rest.

He was grateful that he would not have to share dinner with the Prince or any other member of the family tonight. He knew that tomorrow he would. There would be a large celebration ball held in honor of the Prince’s birthday.

The Prince.

Yuta was sure he was dreaming. A dream so horrible and terrible, he’d wake up sweating any moment now. There was no way that from the hundreds of possible people, the Prince had chosen him, a simple man among the beautiful ladies with opulent gowns and pretty smiles on their pink lips.

Yuta did not like men. There was no way he could marry a man. And if he did, what about a child? He could not bear children and he was certain that the Prince couldn’t either. What kind of marriage would that be? It was impossible. The Queen would never agree to let her only son marry another man, would she?

He could not lay with another man. He would not lay with another man, even if he was the Prince. Yuta scrubbed his skin hard until it turned red. He already felt the guilt and disgust begin to build up in his body. He already felt dirty and rotten. What a disgrace Yuta would be if the Prince and he laid together.

Taeil came in when Yuta took too long and rushed over when he saw how red Yuta’s skin had become. He gently coaxed Yuta out of the tub and Yuta was too tired to feel embarrassed as Taeil dressed him in his suit, dried his hair and brushed it back.

“The maids have brought your dinner,” Taeil informed him, bringing him to the antechamber. 

The food was laid out on a cart. It was far too much for one individual. Yuta’s stomach had grown on small portions, being able to survive on a bowl of rice and some simple side dishes. It was more than enough. The food before him was just too much and nothing like the food his mother made. There was meat, noodles, fish, and a chalice filled with red wine.

Yuta sat at the desk, not finding it appropriate to eat on the sofa. Taeil left him alone then, telling him he’d be back in a while. Yuta held his fork awkwardly as he poked at the food on his plate. He hardly used such utensils to eat, only a few dishes called for forks. 

He brought some of the meat to his lips, closing them around the small piece. It was absolutely delicious. Yuta felt the guilt rise up in his stomach, knowing that he was here, eating this while his family was far away in Modan-ri, eating rice and pickled vegetables.

The bile rose up in his throat quickly. Yuta dropped the fork, barely heard it clatter against the plate as he ran to the washroom. He emptied his stomach in the toilet.

When he was done, he washed his face with some cold water in the basin and made his way back to the desk. He cleaned up the plates, setting them back on the cart. 

He undressed in the bedchamber, not wanting Taeil to undress him for bed when he was fully capable of doing so himself. He removed the pillows from the bed, pulled back the bedding and got into the large bed. It was much more comfortable than anything he could ever imagine and the guilt grew stronger.

As promised, Taeil returned and Yuta heard his surprised exclamation. He had seen the cart with the untouched food. He called out to Yuta, who remained silent. Taeil appeared at the end of the bed.

“Was the food not to your satisfaction?” Taeil asked. “You hardly ate.”

“I just want rice,” Yuta said. He heard the desperation in his own voice. “Rice in a bowl with chopsticks. Surely you can do that?”

“O-of course,” Taeil said with a bow of his head. “I’ll ensure your breakfast is as such tomorrow morning.”

Yuta sighed and buried himself deeper in the bed.

“Your Highness,” Taeil started.

Yuta sat up in bed, frown on his face. “Please, my name is Yuta,” he said. “Don’t refer to me with such a title.”

“Yuta,” Taeil repeated. Taeil pointed to himself. “I’m Taeil.”

“Taeil,” Yuta repeated.

Taeil nodded, a smile on his face. “I’m sure that you are uncomfortable, but I want to make everything as comfortable as it can be. I am here to wait on you, Yuta, and I know it sounds like I am serving you. But I’m not.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m your friend here,” Taeil said without hesitation. “More than anything, I am your friend.”

Yuta said nothing more. He laid back, falling deep into the plush pillows, all but disappearing from view.

Taeil laughed. It was a soft sound. “Sleep now, Yuta.” He came up to the side of the bed and helped Yuta settle into bed. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

* * *

Yuta was nervous but Taeil assured him everything would be fine. He would be nearby and if Yuta needed him, he would be waiting for him. He’d take him back to his room and let him sleep if it became too much. But Yuta needed to get through tonight. He had overheard the chambermaids speaking when he was bathing and they were cleaning his bedchamber.

The ball tonight was one of the most important and many would be ready to scrutinize Yuta, watching him like a hawk. If Yuta made a mistake, the Prince would look bad in front of the people most important to the family. Yuta would be expected to meet everybody that made up royal court tonight and the important representatives from the kingdom’s allies. It would be a night full of first impressions and Yuta wouldn't be able to fix it if he messed up. The nerves had been eating at him since he had heard that. He had barely even exchanged words with the Prince. Did they expect them to act lovely with each other?

Taeil fixed Yuta’s suit, adjusting the collar and the cravat. The suit was heavy even though it was made of light satin. It was the embroidery weighed it down. It was a beautiful suit and Yuta never thought he would have the chance to wear something so extravagant. He wasn't sure where the suit had come from. It fit him like a glove and felt comfortable despite its weight. It was a deep olive green with gold. His stockings were white with intricate clocking and his shoes were new leather with handmade buckles.

“Just find me,” Taeil said once last time.

The door to the room opened and out stepped another young man. He bowed towards Yuta.

“Your Highness,” he said. “My name is Kim Dongyoung, the gentleman of the chamber to His Highness, The Prince.”

Yuta bowed. “It’s a pleasure,” he said in his most formal voice. 

Taeil smiled beside him and Yuta wanted to elbow him in the ribs. “Doyoung, is Taeyong just about ready?” Taeil asked.

Yuta quickly looked at Taeil, surprised. _Taeyong?_

“Ah, yes,” Dongyoung replied. He eyed Yuta for a moment before turning back to Taeil. “He’s almost out.”

Taeil nodded and turned to Yuta. “Just find me,” Taeil said again.

“Of course, Taeil,” Yuta said with a nod of his head.

Dongyoung looked at them curiously but before he could speak, the door opened once more and the Prince stepped out. Yuta bowed in his direction but Taeil pulled him up quickly. Yuta looked at his companion, confused.

Dongyoung cleared his throat. “Your Highness, I will see you tomorrow morning,” he said. He smiled at the Prince. “Happy birthday.”

The Prince nodded in thanks before looking at Yuta. He wordlessly offered his arm and Yuta looped his own around it after Taeil gave him a small nudge. It felt awkward to attach himself to a man. Yuta wanted to pull away, feeling uncomfortable with it. The Prince pulled Yuta along though, bringing him closer as they began to walk down the hall.

Taeil and Dongyoung stayed behind, chatting quietly. 

The Prince led them down the hall and down some grand staircase. He remained quiet, his face just as calm as the first time Yuta saw him.

“What is your name?” he asked as they took the final step down the stairs.

Yuta realized how odd it was, that they were to be married but were barely find out out each other's name.

“Yuta,” he replied cautiously. “Na Yuta.”

The Prince hummed. “Yuta,” he repeated.

He said nothing else, which left Yuta flustered and frustrated. The Prince was hardly interested in him, Yuta could see it now. The plain disinterest on his face was there if he looked closely. The expression would remain there for the rest of the Prince's life, for the rest of Yuta's life. Yuta wanted to find the nearest toilet and empty out his stomach. 

They stayed silent as they walked through the palace and when they approached two large doors, they stopped. Some officers were guarding the door and they moved to open it as soon as they appeared. The Prince fixed his suit with one hand while the other pulled Yuta closer.

“Yuta,” the Prince said quietly. Yuta turned to him, a scowl on his face. “You look exquisite in that suit.”

Yuta’s scowl disappeared quickly and he was certain he looked dumbfounded. There was no change on the Prince's face but Yuta’s face felt hot. The doors opened and he barely heard their appearance being announced over the blood that rushed to his ears. There was thundering applause coming from below. The Prince pulled Yuta out onto the top of the staircase, a smile suddenly plastered on his face as he waved to his guests down on the ballroom floor.

They managed to walk down the staircase at the slowest pace Yuta had ever gone. Yuta composed himself as they began to descend, trying his best to smile. They were all watching him now. The first official glimpse at the new couple together. People would have this moment engraved in their memories for years to come. They would remember Yuta’s strained and fake smile, the way that he wanted to pull away from the Prince if he didn't look convincing. He wasn't sure how convincing he could be when the Prince's words were still running through his mind. There was no way that the Prince meant it.

When they reached the floor, the Prince kept his grip tight, his hand moving to grab Yuta’s. Their fingers fell into the spaces in between and Yuta was pulled close. Yuta was surprised but he didn’t move to pull away. He felt the gazes of the guests on him, waiting for him to pull away. 

Guests began to make their way to them and the Prince was nothing but kind and courteous to each one. His smile remained bright as he introduced Yuta.

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” the Prince asked one of the women that came up to them.

She was a Lady from some place or another. Her smile was shy but she nodded. “You have chosen well, Your Highness.”

Yuta felt like nothing but a trophy as he was introduced to everyone. By the time the Prince has gone through all his guests, Yuta wanted nothing but to find Taeil to take him back to his bedchamber. He realized that this would be his life from now on. He was nobody to these people, much less to the Prince. He was nothing but a symbol that showed the dedication of the royal family to the people. There were no genuine feelings there, even though the Prince showered Yuta with compliments in his introductions. It was the Prince’s duty.

If the Prince felt like marrying a common person like Yuta was a great sacrifice in order to fulfill the promise that was made a long time ago, Yuta wanted nothing to do with him. It would be nothing but torture for both of them for the rest of their lives if it was so.

Yuta was handed a chalice with wine at some point and he drank from it happily, emptying half of it as the Prince led him to a table. There was only a woman seated there. She was beautiful. Her eyes were small, as was her nose and her lips. Her hair was pinned back and adorned with feathers and jewels. Her gown was a dazzling pink, matching her bright cheeks. She looked like a doll.

“Lady Kang,” the Prince said. He gave her a soft smile, different from the smiles he had given everyone else. Yuta wanted to scowl. “This is Yuta.”

Lady Kang stood from her seat. She curtsied. Yuta bowed back. “It’s a pleasure,” she said, turning her doll-like eyes up to meet Yuta’s.

“The pleasure is mine,” Yuta replied.

The Prince sat beside Lady Kang, pulling away from Yuta for the first time. Yuta was unsure of what to do so he took a seat beside the Prince. He drank from his chalice and feigned interest in the couples that were dancing on the floor.

“Taeyong,” Lady Kang started.

Yuta turned to look at her as subtly as he could. It was the second time he had heard that and he was certain it was the name of the Prince. The Prince had made no effort to introduce himself, so Yuta wouldn’t know.

“I have to speak with you,” she continued. She gave Yuta a curious glance. “In private.”

Yuta took the hint. Much to the Prince’s confusion, he stood, chalice in hand. “I’m going to get something to eat,” he lied.

He walked away from the table and when he was by a server holding a tray of food, he turned back to peer at the table. Lady Kang was closer to the Prince, hand up to her mouth as her lips moved against his ear. The Prince looked at her, eyes wide. He nodded.

Yuta watched as they both stood and disappeared down the hall on the other side of the ballroom. The anger inside Yuta felt hot and raging all of a sudden. Even if the Prince was not interested in Yuta, he could at least be faithful to him. What would happen if someone saw the Prince frolicking around with Lady Kang once they were married? Yuta would look like the poor fool that was doomed for the rest of his life.

He wanted to find Taeil now. He looked around but only saw unfamiliar faces. The panic that had been building since earlier threatened to bubble over the edge and Yuta knew he had to take a seat far away from everyone else. He found a sofa in a smaller hallway opposite of the hall the Prince and Lady Kang disappeared through. He sat and waited.

Half an hour has passed before Taeil found him.

“Yuta,” he murmured. He sat beside him. “Are you alright?”

“Take me to my room, Taeil,” was all Yuta managed to say.

Taeil pulled him up and instead of going through the ballroom, he led Yuta down the small hall, through a large kitchen. They passed through small hallways and eventually, one hall opened up to one of the main hallways.

They went back up the stairs. Taeil had a hand on Yuta’s back, rubbing comforting circles there until they reached his room.

“The party will continue on into the morning,” Taeil whispered. He began to undress Yuta and even though it was still embarrassing, Yuta could care less about it. “I’m sure they won’t notice your absence.”

Yuta laughed. “I’m sure they won’t.”

Once Yuta laid down and had the covers over him, he felt the exhaustion overcome his body. His bones were aching in a way they never had before, even though he had done hard labor for years. It was as if the exhaustion had seeped into them, making him feel useless. Yuta had never felt so low. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his family. He wanted to see Mina. He told this to Taeil.

His new friend only looked back at Yuta with sympathy. Yuta knew that Taeil wanted to comfort him. “I’ll be here in the morning,” Taeil said instead. “You’re expected to eat with His Highness, The Prince tomorrow.”

Yuta nodded, burying himself deeper into the bed. Taeil left, extinguishing most of remaining candles on his way out. Only one candle was left on, the one that was on the candlestick on the nightstand. Yuta turned in the bed and looked at the small flame. After a few minutes, he reached for the candle snuffer and turned extinguished it.

The darkness took over the bedroom and Yuta finally closed his eyes.

* * *

“I’m going away,” was the first thing the Prince said to Yuta when he sat down for breakfast.

The dining hall was large and the table was long. It was not a low table where one sat on the floor like Yuta was used to. The table was tall and there were dining chairs around the table so they could sit. Yuta settled into the chair beside the Prince. It was the only other place setting on the table. There was a large amount of food laid out on the table but the maid that served them simply brought out a bowl of rice and chopsticks for Yuta. He could pick and choose things as he ate. He studied each dish on the table, picking up his chopsticks to put some of the food into his bowl.

“Did you hear me?” The Prince was irritated.

Yuta hummed. “I did.” Yuta brought his hands together and whispered thanks for the meal before taking the first bite.

“That is all you’re eating?”

Yuta looked at the man beside him. Even though it was early, the Prince was fully dressed for the day. He wore a soft orange suit with floral details on his waistcoat. Yuta’s own suit was a simple grey, having insisted on not wearing such intricately made suits.

The Prince was eyeing Yuta’s food. Yuta looked at the Prince’s plate. It was filled with food that was half-eaten.

“This is what I’m eating,” Yuta finally said. He held up his bowl. “My family eats very little. I’m sorry that I cannot eat all of the food before us.”

The Prince sighed and shook his head. “As I was saying, I’m going away,” he said. “It’s a hunting trip. I will be back in a few days.”

Yuta nodded. “Understood, Your Highness.”

The Prince’s expression turned sour but he said nothing. Yuta wanted to laugh. He hoped that the Prince enjoyed his time with Lady Kang the night before. Once they were married, the Prince would have to give up Lady Kang and share his bed with him. The Prince would share his meals with Yuta and have to spend time with Yuta. Even if he was not interested in Yuta, the Prince would have to give the people of the palace something to talk about.

Earlier in the morning as he was getting dressed, Yuta had decided that since he and the Prince were going to be married soon, he would have to make the best of it. Taeil had laughed when Yuta told him about it, telling him it was rather easy to tease the Prince. Even if the teasing tone felt inappropriate coming from Yuta’s lips, the Prince was going to be his husband so there was not much he could do to Yuta.

And according to Taeil, they would be married before the next month started, which startled Yuta. Preparations for the wedding had been done long in advance. Only a few things needed to be prepared now, like Yuta’s suit. They would be taking Yuta’s measurements for it soon so it could be made as quickly as possible.

“Taeil is treating you alright?” the Prince asked suddenly.

Yuta paused, his chopsticks hovering in front of his mouth. He set them down. “He’s my friend,” Yuta said. He looked at the Prince. “Or he will be soon.”

The Prince nodded and turned back to his food, poking at it with his fork. He stopped once more. “And your room is to your standards?”

“It’s perfect,” Yuta said with a nod.

Just as the Prince opened his mouth to ask another question, Dongyoung entered the dining hall. The Prince stood immediately and excused himself, leaving with Dongyoung, whispering quietly.

Yuta quietly finished his meal and when he stood from the table, several maids rushed over to the table to begin the cleaning. He stepped out of the dining hall and found Taeil waiting for him.

“There is nothing for today,” Taeil reported diligently. There was a smile on his face. “Except for a tour of the palace.”

Yuta followed Taeil around the entire morning, listening to him explain each place of the palace. He showed Yuta the small hallways that the maids used to get around quickly but said that Yuta was expected to not use them; the night before had been a one-time thing. 

The palace was four floors and each floor held many rooms. Most were bedrooms that belonged to people of the court or were kept empty for guests but when Taeil said that there were well over two hundred rooms in total, Yuta felt light headed. 

The ground floor had a few bedrooms but the main sights were the large ballroom, the large dining hall, the throne room and some of the entertaining rooms. There were many other rooms but Taeil said that they would never be of use to Yuta so they hurried along to the next big room. It was a large library on the ground floor but Taeil informed him that the family rarely used it. Yuta was amazed at it though. He wondered why the family didn’t use it when it was a grand library. He had never seen so many books in one spot before. Overall the ground floor was the easiest to remember. It was were everyone walked around. The kitchens were tucked into the back of the palace and if Yuta wanted, he could find a maid to make special requests to the cooks, though Yuta assured Taeil that he would probably never do that.

The second floor housed most members of the court and had the most guest rooms. There was little else there and Taeil quickly ushered Yuta to the third floor. The third floor was where the Prince stayed, as well as his sister, the Princess. Taeil motioned towards the eastern wing.

“She and her family are housed in this wing,” he said. “You have little business there. Your bedroom is in the western wing.”

It was the Prince’s wing. The Prince’s special guests were housed there and there was a smaller library at the end along with special meeting rooms for the Prince. The Princess had similar rooms in her own wing, Taeil assured him.

On the fourth floor was the Queen and all of her apartments for the people of the court. They were not allowed up there so Taeil explained it all in the small library at the end of the western wing. The Queen had several rooms just for her. The King Consort also have several of his own rooms on the fourth floor. Taeil wasn’t sure what all there was, but he told Yuta that it wasn’t any of their business to know.

“You’ll meet them soon,” Taeil said when he noticed that Yuta was prepping himself to ask a question. “I’m sure they are very excited to meet you.”

“Of course,” Yuta said as calmly as he could. “It’s just the Queen I’m meeting.”

Taeil laughed loudly and Yuta did too.

After chatting a bit more about the wedding preparations, Taeil left Yuta to enjoy the library. Taeil’s own bedroom was just a few doors down if Yuta needed him.

Yuta pulled a few books from the shelves and settled into an armchair by a window. Taeil had yet to show him the outside of the palace, but from what he could see, there was much to be explored. Beyond the luscious garden, there was a large grass field that stretched out into the horizon. The dense forest caged everything in the palace, tall evergreen trees dotting the borders of the field and gardens.

Sighing, Yuta looked at one of the books he had found. It was a fairytale, one he had heard as a child. The book was old and worn but the words were still on the pages, as faded as they were. He read silently, following the story of two brothers, one greedy and the other empathetic.

Yuta finished it rather quickly. He picked up another book, a different fairytale he recognized but as he began reading, he heard the library door open and close.

He stood from the armchair and peered around the bookshelves.

It was the Prince. He spotted Yuta immediately and made his way over.

“I was looking for you,” he said.

Yuta set down the book in his hands. “I apologize, Your Highness,” he said, lowering his head.

The Prince sighed. “Taeyong is my name,” he said quietly. “Please call me that.”

Yuta nodded once. He had been right in assuming that Taeyong was the Prince’s name. Yuta didn’t want to say it so he remained quiet, though he repeated the name in his mind, wondering how it would feel to say it out loud.

“Do you like the library?” the Prince asked when he realized Yuta would not say it.

“I do,” Yuta said. “I’ve never seen this many books before.”

The Prince smiled. “Make yourself at home here then. I rarely use it these days.”

Just as Yuta was about to sit back down, the Prince caught his arm. Yuta looked at him, pulling back slightly. It wasn’t enough to make the Prince let go. Yuta met his eyes and saw the same amount of chaos in them as he had the time before.

“I’ll come home in a few days,” the Prince said.

It had only been two days since Yuta had been chosen but the Prince seemed to be comfortable with him already if what he did next was anything to go off of. The Prince’s hand came up to Yuta’s neck and he began to lean in. Yuta stared at him, wide-eyed. The Prince’s eyes had fluttered shut and Yuta almost did the same, the feeling of the Prince’s soft hand on his neck enticing, but his mind refused. He could not kiss another man.

He felt the Prince’s exhale on his cheek, the Prince’s face mere millimeters from Yuta’s face.

“Your Highness?” a voice called out.

The Prince quickly pulled away, removing his hand from Yuta. He straightened out his suit, cleared his throat. He avoided Yuta’s eyes. “I’m coming.”

He left without another word.

Yuta fell back onto the chair, a surge of emotions running through his body. The Prince had almost kissed him, hadn’t he? Yuta was in an odd dream for sure this time. There was no way the Prince had a real interest in Yuta. He had spent the night with Lady Kang! The Prince enjoyed the company of women, he had to, Yuta thought.

His heart was beating hard and fast in his chest and he could feel his cheeks and ears burning with embarrassment. His hands shook even as he placed them on his knees. 

Yuta was glad that he would not see the Prince until he returned from his hunting trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! When I say this fic is a big boy, I mean it. This first part is as long as one whole fic and we're just getting started! Like, most of this was just backstory. Yuta and Taeyong have hardly interacted with each other. I have written a lot of it out now and it's looking like it's going to be well over 60K words, which is terrifying for me because how did I write all of that?!
> 
> Some actual notes on the fic:  
> \- The characters of Matsumoto and Yokoyama are based on real people even though they make the briefest of appearances! That's not important but I wanted everyone to know.  
> \- Also yes, Kishi Yuta is a real person. He's only older than Yuta by a month in real life, is so talented, is a good person and I love him with all my heart. I'm sorry for his fate in this fic. I'd like to assume that because Yuta's mother only ever heard Yuta-kun's name spoken but never saw it written out, it would be easier to explain why Yuta-kun's name would've been written out 優太 and our Yuta's name is written 悠太 in the language of The West Empire (which is just... Japanese). In the language of The Southern Kingdom (aka Korean!), it would be written out the same: 유타. So Yuta is named after Kishi-kun, but at the same time, not really!  
> \- I used the real names of Yuta's family (cr. eternallyuta_ on twitter) but I took all of the creative liberties to give them their personalities since I don't actually know how they are as individuals or how they are in their family dynamic. It's so much fun writing them, especially the backstory through the POV of Yuta's mom! Shoutout to Yuta's mom; she's 100% a badass.  
> \- Seo Hyunjong (Johnny's uncle) and Seo Hara (Johnny's mom) are original characters because I don't know much about Johnny's family. The same goes for Donghyuck's parents, affectionately referred to as only Mr. and Mrs. Lee in this fic.  
> \- I was very inspired by the 18th century in terms of dress and the architecture, especially France in the late 1700s, which was the time of the French Revolution. I took some creative liberties in some parts as well because as much I enjoyed researching that part of history, some things were iffy and I couldn't grasp some things well enough despite my searching (see: toilets. Very difficult to grasp what went on in the bathroom during that time). To have a sense of the palace, it's like Versailles, but the slightest bit smaller I guess. Versailles had well hundreds of rooms, but in this fic, the royal palace has way less than that. The inside is probably just as gaudy as Versailles was though. I hate that the Marie Antoinette movie was what prompted me to take on this more historical kind of setting, but it just looked so cool in the movie. And I just love the look of French Baroque even though my descriptions do it little justice.  
> \- Japanese (only in Yuta's family) and Korean practices, customs, etc. are interwoven in this fic as well. As you might've noticed, Yuta mentioned the difference in the dining hall and even the food and how to eat it. Whereas people in the villages continue to remain somewhat traditional, eating traditional foods and having things that are very much traditional, like Yuta's family having a chabudai (short-legged, low table), I'd like to think that the royal family has adopted a more Western way of living over time, probably from visiting other kingdoms far away. I tried my best to stay as true as I could to anything I mention, and if I'm ever wrong, please don't hesitate to let me know. My research comes from many different sources, from real books I've read to Internet blogs, so some may not be as accurate as others.  
> \- The fairytale that Yuta read about the brothers was the Korean fairytale "Heungbu and Nolbu". No particular reason why I chose this one. I just like it.  
> \- Taeil and Doyoung's "jobs" have the title "gentleman of the bedchamber", which was a role held by a member of the royal court in the Kingdom of England and the Kingdom of Great Britain. The French equivalent is the valet de chambre. These guys were pretty important since they were so close to the patron and there were many types of gentlemen and grooms. To put it simply, Taeil and Doyoung's job is just to do the following: help dress/undress, wait on the patron when they eat, guard the toilet and the bedchamber, and lastly, provide companionship :)
> 
> I hate how long these notes are, but I feel like I have to explain some things to clear things up that might cause confusion, so everyone can understand what has gone through my mind and why I wrote certain things the way I have and blah, blah, blah. Moving on... I really do hope everyone enjoys this fic! Comments are always appreciated, and even if I have written a lot of it already, I might go back and change things as things progress and develop. Also PS: I've tried to edit this thing myself and it's a pain because it's so long, so I apologize if there are any mistakes! Editing hurts.


	2. A Wedding and a Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this on July 1st but editing took forever, I probably messed up somewhere in there, and my eyes hurt, and it's already July 2nd. Happy (late) birthday, Taeyong, I love u.
> 
> Warnings for this part: Internalized Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Minor Character Death

The beginning of the eighth month was days away now.

Yuta took a deep breath. 

The suit on his body was made from an ivory satin. It was light enough that Yuta wouldn’t sweat too much through it in the summer sun. The suit had been beautifully made and he liked it very much. The detailing on it was simple but eye-catching and it wasn’t too heavy like many of the suits he had been wearing over the last few weeks. His new stockings were a bright white, the clocking on them the same as the details on the suit. He even had new shoes made and the buckles were a bright silver, cleaned and prepared for this day.

Taeil finished buckling the shoes and stood up, admiring his work with his hands on his hips. 

“What a groom,” he joked.

Yuta reached out to give Taeil a small shove. 

Even if today was the day that Yuta was getting married, he felt far from it. He had told Taeil as much when he woke up in the morning. Taeil agreed with him, saying it was odd that Yuta was marrying someone that he hadn’t talked to for more than two hours during the entire month.

It was not Yuta’s fault. The Prince wasn’t even to blame, at least not fully. Though he was kept from the public eye, the Prince was very much involved in handling many parts of the kingdom along with the Princess. He met often with people, staying locked up in a stuffy room filled with men and women that wanted things from the Queen for hours on end.

Even when the Prince was not meeting with people, he hadn’t made an effort to seek Yuta out. Yuta had never sought him out either. Over the course of the month, he had been familiarizing himself with the palace instead. He would be living there from now on and it was huge. He needed to learn everything about it and know it like the back of his hand. 

Yuta had explored the large gardens thoroughly, finding them beautiful. The tall hedges and shrubs were trimmed to maintain their perfect shape but the flowers were allowed to grow freely in the gardens with only the gardeners making sure there were no weeds or wilted flowers around. The smell of the flowers was strong and sweet in the gardens. He very much enjoyed strolling through there with Taeil at his side, explaining the different types of flowers, some native to the Southern Kingdom and other foreign.

Yuta also visited the grand library on the ground floor and read many books that interested him, like the accounts of other kingdoms oceans away written by members of the family or famous traveling merchants. Yuta had learned a lot about the surrounding places when he was in the library. He had taken notes about places on the thick ivory paper at his writing desk, trying to imagine how the faraway lands might look like.

But the most important thing he did over the month was meeting with the youngest member of the royal family, the Princess’s son, every day.

The young boy was five years of age and enjoyed having someone to play with that wasn’t his nursemaid. The lack of other children made the boy lonely from what Yuta could tell. He told Yuta that he didn’t even see his own mother much, which pained Yuta, who missed his own mother every day. So much of Yuta’s time belonged to the boy as of late. It delighted the Princess, who he had met a few days after his first night. 

She was a beautiful woman, her resemblance to the Prince was striking. Her hair was a deep brown and long, always curled and pinned to the top of her head. Her skin was fair and her cheeks always a bright pink. Her eyes were bright and kind. Her voice was gentle, like the Prince’s, and she was soft spoken. She was a princess in every aspect so Yuta couldn’t refuse when she asked if Yuta could become her son’s new playmate.

The little prince asked Yuta many questions, most of them regarding his new relationship with his uncle, the Prince. He seemed to be attached to the Prince, sweetly referring to him as Uncle Yongie. He was smart for a five-year-old. He asked Yuta if he loved his Uncle Yongie and if he could call Yuta his uncle once they were married. He also asked Yuta why the Prince never hardly held his hand or kissed him the few times they were together.

“My grandparents always hold hands. Grandpa also kisses grandma on her cheeks!” he exclaimed, his little fingers holding one of Yuta’s hands. “My dad also kisses my mom. I always close my eyes when he does because it’s gross! But my mom says it’s a sign of love so it’s okay. Do you not Uncle Yongie?” 

Yuta was able to distract him when he did this, pulling the boy onto his lap to tell him stories he had heard as a child, but the boy’s questions made Yuta think a lot afterward. Yuta allowed himself to think when he was in bed at the end of the day, ready to fall asleep.

It was rather odd, their relationship. Even a five-year-old had noticed.

At least Yuta and the Prince would have time to become familiar with each other after the wedding. Yuta had been told that there was a week-long trip to the south to celebrate the marriage. It would just be the Prince and Yuta there. The underlying expectations were clear; it was a trip that would allow them to consummate their marriage privately. An unconsummated marriage would be bad for the Prince, and even worse for Yuta. They weren’t expected to produce an heir since they were both men, but they were expected to at least sleep together. Yuta would be lucky if he even spoke to the Prince for more than an hour on their trip.

“You’ll do great,” Taeil said as he fixed Yuta’s suit one last time. His voice was enough to guide Yuta back to the real world, leaving Yuta’s thoughts for alone for a moment. Taeil’s voice was reassuring; the voice of a friend, of an older brother. “It’ll be over soon.”

Yuta laughed. 

Taeil left shortly after and Yuta waited for a few minutes. An officer came into the room and motioned for Yuta to exit the room. He felt his heart begin to beat quicker in his chest. By the end of the morning, Yuta would be married. He had never imagined it would happen like this. 

He had imagined it with Mina. He had dreamed of her, dressed in a beautiful red silk topcoat, her dark hair pulled back and adorned with pins and dark silk embroidered with gold. He imagined it in Modan-ri. He had dreamed of presenting Mina’s mother with his offering at her house. Drinking wine across from Mina to honor their ancestors. Bowing before Mina. Promising her to be faithful and honest for the rest of his life. He had dreamed of it several nights over the past month and he longed for it, as foolish as it was. It would not happen like that.

There was a chapel inside the palace, on the ground floor in the eastern wing. Yuta had found it by himself one day when he was looking around. It was where the family had held many weddings and other religious celebrations in the past. And today it had been decorated for the day with white just for them. There were flowers, white and sweet, adorning the columns, the chairs, the aisle. 

There were no offerings to be made and there was no wine to drink in honor of their ancestors.

Yuta followed the officer and when he stopped in front of the doors, Yuta prepared himself. There was nothing for him to hold, no need to cover his face, and no one for him to walk with. It was straightforward.

The doors to the chapel opened and Yuta began to walk down the aisle. He held his hands in front of him, unsure of what to do with them. He felt nervous as he walked, with the gazes of all the guests invited to the ceremony. The chapel was small but filled with many members of the court, the entire royal family, and Yuta knew that somewhere, his own family was watching him. They were seeing him for the first time in three weeks and it was for his wedding.

At the end of the aisle was the Prince. His suit was ivory like Yuta’s, its gold embroidery just as simple as it was on Yuta’s suit. It was different, however, meant to be complementary to Yuta’s. The sunlight that came through the windows shone down on the Prince, bouncing off his suit, making him glow.

Yuta reached the end of the aisle and stood by the Prince. He spared him a glance and was surprised when he saw that the Prince already had his eyes on him.

The ceremony began and Yuta followed along, though he wanted to turn to the Prince and tell him to pay attention. It felt uncomfortable with the Prince staring at him the entire time.

As they reached the end and prepared to repeat the vows that the priest said, Yuta felt it all settle in. 

Instead of feeling the anger and disgust that he felt on that first night, he felt a certain calmness course through him. He had struggled with his feelings throughout the month. He still did not want to marry the Prince, and standing there at the end of the aisle beside him, Yuta knew that he probably would never be able to accept a life living beside another man for as long as he lived. But he had been chosen. He would follow through with the marriage because it was his duty. Having that fact repeating in his mind, Yuta was able to feel calm even as anger, disgust, and shame pounded on the door, begging to be let out.

When the Prince grabbed Yuta’s hand and placed a golden band on his finger, Yuta thought. Perhaps the Prince didn’t have to give up Lady Kang. If he loved Lady Kang so much, perhaps the Prince could keep her. Perhaps Yuta could find someone of his own…

No, he _already_ had someone of his own. He knew she was also there, watching as the Prince vowed to love Yuta in sickness and in health. 

The words fell onto deaf ears for Yuta. There was no vow of love here. Not when Yuta knew that the Prince had been with Lady Kang two nights ago.

People of the royal family often took mistresses, right? Yuta was sure he had heard about kings with several mistresses. He had read about a former king that had one when he was in the library one time; he had given his mistress her own apartments in the palace. The Prince could simply have a mistress if his interest in Yuta was not real. It hurt Yuta to think that perhaps he could have Mina this way as well. Would Mina agree to be Yuta’s mistress? He was a married man now but the situation was different.

Yuta took the Prince’s hand and reached for the ring. The Prince’s hand was warm and soft, feeling light in Yuta’s palm. The Prince had long, thin fingers. The veins on the back of his hand were prominent, soft blue underneath his fair skin. The Prince’s hand was nothing like Mina’s.

Yuta repeated after the priest but his voice sounded like it belonged to someone else. He spoke loud and clear for all of the guests to hear, but in his ears, his voice was weak. There was no emotion in his words. He was simply repeating them to get it over with. The priest took his time, waiting patiently for Yuta to say the words.

The Prince was Yuta’s to have and to hold, for better and for worse. Rich or poor, the Prince was Yuta’s. The Prince was Yuta’s to love and cherish, in sickness and in health. Until death made them part, the Prince was Yuta’s.

Yuta met the Prince’s eyes as he finished. 

He pushed the ring onto the Prince’s finger. It was a simple golden band, like the one that rested on his own finger. It looked like it belonged on the Prince’s finger, shining bright in the sunlight. The ring on Yuta’s finger felt heavier now somehow. He dropped the Prince’s hand.

There was applause as the priest announced them as husbands. The applause grew louder when the Prince stepped closer to Yuta, his hand coming to rest of Yuta’s nape. Yuta felt the cold ring against his skin but it felt like it was burning him. Yuta was scared that when the Prince pulled away, there would be a mark. He knew there wouldn’t be but he still feared it. He feared having something on him that said he was the Prince’s.

Yuta felt the ring on his finger as it dug into his skin when he balled his hands into fists at his sides. What Yuta feared was having another thing on him that said he was the Prince’s.

Mina was watching somewhere in the chapel. Yuta knew this. She was seeing him with another person, and a man at that. Yuta’s eyes wandered, wanting to find her.

“Yuta,” the Prince said, gently turning Yuta’s head so he was looking back at him. 

The Prince’s lips were as soft as they looked when they kissed for the first time. Yuta’s hands clutched onto the front of the Prince’s coat tightly instinctively. His eyes closed on their own and he felt the Prince pull him even closer, bringing his other hand up to cup Yuta’s face.

Yuta pulled away first, breathless. He stared at the Prince, bewildered. Before he could try and find Mina again, the Prince spoke. His voice was but a whisper. Yuta could feel his hot breath against his cheek and his ear.

“Thank you, Yuta,” the Prince said.

* * *

The wedding celebration was grand. 

The musicians played lively music that made all of the guests dance happily on the floor. It was loud and drowned out the happy yelling and laughter of their drunk guests. Men spun the young ladies around, their opulent dresses dazzling underneath the chandelier. The intricate hairdos atop the heads of the ladies bounced along with them as they moved with the young men. 

The wine was flowing freely, empty chalices being filled immediately by servers to ensure that everyone drank plenty. A large grand meal with several courses was prepared to accompany the wine. Meat of all kinds, from beef to duck, and even fish, had been used in stews and roasts and laid out on the table. Rich soups had been served into bowls, accompanied with expensive truffles imported from another kingdom. Plates with half-eaten food were strewn about, eating long forgotten in lieu of the dancing.

Plenty of desserts had also been prepared. Different flavored cakes and a variety of chocolates made from the finest of ingredients were presented on silver platters accompanied by candied orange peels and succulent berries. The young women that danced around were licking the sweet frosting and powdered sugar off their fingertips, giggling about with their bright pink faces.

Most of the guests were from the court and representatives from allies of the kingdom. They were people Yuta had met only once before and like before, they paid little attention to him. He didn’t mind it. It looked like they were enjoying the celebration. 

Only a small few were Yuta’s guests and those were the most important to him. When Taeil had asked him who he wanted at the celebration, Yuta had said he wanted his family and Youngho. He had hesitated for a few days before asking Taeil to invite Mina as well.

All of Yuta’s guests were happily dancing around as well, disappearing in between the royal family’s guests. They had all worn their best clothes and even if their suits and gowns seemed like rags compared to the royal family’s guests’ clothing, they seemed to not give a care in the world. For tonight, Yuta’s guests would celebrate like they were princes and princesses. Even if Yuta couldn’t bring himself to enjoy the celebration, it made him happy that his guests could.

“Your mother is very enthusiastic,” the Prince said as he sat beside Yuta. He was red in the face and breathing hard, some sweat forming at his hairline. “A lovely lady, she is.”

“That she is,” Yuta confirmed. He found his mother easily in the crowd. She had danced with Yuta for a bit before going to dance with the Prince for a while. Now she had Yuta’s father twirling her around the dance floor, big smiles on their faces. It was a sight that Yuta had never really seen before. “She’s enjoying herself.”

“And the young lady you invited,” the Prince said. “She was the one you were promised to?”

The Prince was looking at Mina. She was beautiful, as always. She was in a blue dress tonight and had blue and white feathers in her hair to match. Her expression was not as bright but she still smiled, clapping and laughing along in her seat as she watched Yuta’s sisters dance with each other. Yuta’s heart ached as he looked at her.

“That’s her,” Yuta confirmed.

Yuta felt the Prince place one of his hands on top of his own. He looked at the Prince.

“I will be right back.”

Before Yuta was able to tell him to sit, the Prince was already by Mina and was asking her to dance. His hand was in between them, Mina looking at it. She shyly accepted after a moment and let the Prince lead her to the floor. They danced like everyone else and Mina seemed to be laughing as the Prince spun her around, the feathers in her hair also dancing atop her head.

As the musicians changed into something slower, the Prince took Mina and held her close. They waltzed around the floor slowly, moving around the other couples there. Yuta could see the Prince’s lips were moving and Mina was listening intently. Just what did the Prince have to say to her?

It made Yuta nervous. He was unable to tear his eyes away from them.

The song ended and the musicians got into another upbeat song that got everyone excited but the Prince and Mina had departed from the floor. He led her back to her chair, offered her a smile and a kiss to the back of her hand before he made his way back to Yuta.

“What did you tell her?” Yuta asked, sitting up straighter in his chair. His shoulders grew tense.

“That’s rather private,” the Prince replied.

Yuta frowned. There was a teasing smile on the Prince’s face. It was an unusual look on him.

The Prince placed his hand on top of Yuta’s again. It was warm. Yuta looked at their joined hands, the golden bands on their fingers shining under the chandelier’s light. He met the Prince’s gaze.

“Listen, Yuta,” the Prince said. There was something about his tone that made Yuta’s face flush. “I love you.”

Yuta pulled his hand out from under the Prince’s. “You’ve had far too much to drink,” he scolded, pulling the Prince’s chalice away from his place setting at the table. “Be quiet or someone will hear you.”

The Prince laughed and it stunned Yuta. He had never heard the Prince laugh. It was a funny sound that came out a little breathy, almost as if something had gotten caught in his throat. The Prince’s shoulders shook with his laughter and his eyes turned into small crescents on his face. “They’ll hear me say I love my husband!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

Yuta quickly went to cover his mouth. “Hush!”

The Prince pulled Yuta’s hands away from his mouth. He laced their fingers together and studied the way their hands fit. “Say, do you love me?”

Yuta pulled back but the Prince’s grip was too strong. Despite having a smaller build, the Prince was much stronger than he looked. He held Yuta’s hands tighter.

His heart was beating hard in his chest. He didn’t know how to answer the question. He didn’t love the Prince and he would never love the Prince, but to tell him that seemed too harsh especially since the Prince was drunk. He seemed rather vulnerable in this state. Yuta didn’t know what the Prince would do if Yuta said no.

“You’ve really had much to drink,” Yuta murmured instead.

No one was paying attention to them. Everyone was more interested in the party than the couple that had gotten married. So it didn’t matter when the Prince’s lips turned down into a pout.

He looked younger this way, jutting his bottom lip out.

“Will you love me?” the Prince asked.

Yuta sighed. He did not want to upset the drunk prince even more. There was no way that Yuta could love a man but he took a deep breath and prepared himself. “I will,” he lied. A small smile formed on the Prince’s face. “I will, one day.”

“Take me up to my room.”

So Yuta did. He pulled the Prince up from his seat and towards the door. The Prince stumbled beside him but was able to walk on his own for the most part. 

They stumbled up to the third floor ten minutes later. Halfway up the second flight of stairs, the Prince’s legs had almost given out from under him so Yuta had to pull him up the rest of the way, an arm wrapped around the waist of the Prince. 

No one had noticed they left the celebration but there was no doubt that it would continue until the sun rose. Yuta was ready to sleep and he was sure that the Prince was as well.

He opened up the door to the Prince’s room with one hand. His tightened his hold around his new husband’s waist, pulling him along. The Prince was stumbling but once he was near enough, he dropped himself on the bed. Yuta’s arm fell to his side.

Unsure of whether or not Yuta should help undress him or simply tuck him in, or leave, Yuta turned back, wanting to find Dongyoung. He would do it; it was his duty as a gentleman of the bedchamber.

The Prince’s hand wrapped around Yuta’s wrist before he could walk away.

Yuta looked at him. As always, the Prince was unreadable. Yuta wanted to know what he was thinking at this moment.

“You’re not staying?” he asked softly.

“You’ve had a lot to drink,” Yuta replied, gently prying away the Prince’s hand from his wrist. “We have to go on a trip in the morning. You need to rest.”

“Stay,” the Prince said, taking Yuta’s wrist back into his grasp. “Yuta, stay.”

Yuta bit his lip and looked around. He sighed when his eyes landed back on the man on the bed. “Taeyong,” he said carefully. The name was foreign coming from his mouth but he noticed the way that the Prince seemed to perk up at the sound of his own name. He was listening intently. “Taeyong, please rest.”

“Can I kiss you good night at least?”

Yuta pulled his hand back quickly, much to the Prince’s disappointment. Yuta took a step back. 

“You’ve had a lot to drink,” he repeated. “Tomorrow,” he said, “You can tomorrow.”

Yuta doubted that the Prince would recall their conversation when he woke up but for right now it seemed to be enough. There was a promise of a kiss tomorrow, but Yuta knew that tomorrow would never really come.

* * *

The carriage was loaded with their luggage while they ate breakfast. The suitcases held enough for a week. Three of them belonged to Yuta and four were for the Prince. Yuta had only briefly seen what had been packed, but he knew he had several suits, stockings, and a few pairs of shoes. The suits he had seen were made of a lighter fabric since they would be staying further south for the trip. It was much warmer there but Yuta and the Prince were to be fully dressed each day there.

Yuta allowed himself to eat more than usual during breakfast. He ate his rice happily but also picked at some of the other things on the table with his chopsticks. The cook seemed to have noticed Yuta’s like for pickled vegetables and had spread out plenty. There were fish and some egg dishes, which Yuta never seen before but enjoyed. Apart from that, there were fresh summer fruits tossed into a fruit salad, sweet on Yuta’s tongue after having everything else with his rice.

They would not stop to rest until they arrived so he made sure he ate until he was completely full.

Beside him, the Prince also ate quite a bit.

Two weeks ago, the Prince had decided to have rice in a bowl with chopsticks, like Yuta. He had quietly mentioned it being weird that Yuta ate differently than him when they sat down to share a meal. The Prince seemed to have adapted to his new breakfast rather quickly, however. He used his chopsticks to pick up some grilled fish and some pieces of egg, eating them with his rice quietly.

It was their first breakfast as a married couple and Yuta felt it all around him. They were surrounded by spectators, all of the members of the royal court. Yuta had grown used to having people watch him and the Prince eat as the musicians played in the corner but this morning, the crowd had grown exponentially.

He tried his best to ignore it but he felt the way his body wanted to squirm and hide away from their peering eyes.

“Are you finished?” the Prince asked, setting his empty bowl down.

Yuta nodded.

They stood up and when the Prince offered Yuta his hand, Yuta took it after a second of hesitation. There was no doubt that all of the members of the royal court had seen it but Yuta made up for it by pressing himself close to the Prince as they left the dining hall.

Both Dongyoung and Taeil were waiting right outside.

“Your Highnesses,” Dongyoung greeted with a bow.

Yuta wrinkled his nose at him. Dongyoung was a strange person. He was so formal and stiff in front of both of them but Taeil had told Yuta that Dongyoung was truly an easy-going and kind man underneath all of his professionalism. He took his duties seriously was all. Even though Yuta had insisted on being called by his name several times, Dongyoung stilled referred to him as _Your Highness_. He even referred to Taeil as _sir_ , though Taeil said that he and Doyoung were actually close friends.

“Good morning,” Yuta greeted. He looked towards Taeil. “Are we set to go?”

Taeil gave him a smile. “Your departure is set for late morning,” he informed. “His Highness has asked to prepare tea for your guests before you leave.”

Yuta looked to his side. The Prince was calm. He stared back at Yuta.

“Would you like to go now?” he asked.

Yuta nodded. “I would.”

Taeil and Dongyoung walked behind them as they made their way outside. The gardeners were tending to the bushes but stood and bowed as they passed by. The sound of the fountains sounded through the summer air. The gravel underneath them crunched.

Yuta’s steps felt lighter the further they went into the gardens. The Prince still had Yuta’s hand in his but when they reached the small round clearing in the gardens, only one table underneath a tent prepared for the tea in the center, the Prince let go and Yuta rushed forward.

He embraced his mother first. He took a deep breath through his nose, taking in the mint and the lavender that his mother usually smelled like. Her arms wrapped around his waist tightly, her head tucked under Yuta’s chin.

When he pulled away, she was smiling. It was the same smile she always gave him, the smile that made him feel at home. He felt tears begin to form in his eyes but she quickly cupped his face, her thumbs running over his cheeks, prepared to wipe them away if they fell.

“My boy,” she said quietly. “Oh, how I’ve missed you.”

Yuta smiled at her. “I’ve missed you even more,” he said.

He had missed his mother dearly. He quickly got used to the lavish furniture, the extravagant suit, the large meals, the gaudy decor, and large palace, but he was not able to get used to going through his days without the presence of his mother. As distracted as he had become with everything there was to do, there had always been a nagging feeling in the back of his head and an emptiness in his heart.

Even if it was only for this morning, the emptiness in his heart was gone.

Yuta greeted his father next, embracing him. His father wasn’t a man that said much but he squeezed Yuta’s shoulder, telling all he needed to with a look, before letting Yuta’s sisters at him.

Both Momoka and Haruna were dressed in beautiful dresses. The Princess had promised Yuta that his two sisters, as well as his mother, would have dresses made so they could wear during their stay at the palace. While Yuta’s mother had a smaller dress, something less extravagant and more mature, his sisters had large dresses with many little details on them.

Momoka’s was a pale yellow, white ruffles around the opening of her sleeves and around her chest. Her long hair was pulled up and she wore a straw hat decorated with yellow and white flowers. When she hugged Yuta, he could smell the sweet flowers, probably a perfume that had been sprayed on her in the morning.

“It’s so good to see you, Yuta,” she said quietly, a smile on her face. The sunlight reflected against the yellow of her dress and Momoka seemed to be bathed in a soft yellow glow. Yuta felt the tears in his eyes once again.

Haruna’s dress was a lot like her. It was a peach dress but the bodice had a bright floral design printed on it, several gems and jewels hanging off of it. It was beautiful and fun, like her. She wore a hat with white feathers that waved in the warm wind. She didn’t seem to care if the decorations of her dress were damaged when she threw her arms around Yuta, almost knocking him back. From somewhere behind him, he could hear the Prince’s laugh, the same breathy, choked sound Yuta had heard the night before.

She gave Yuta kisses on his cheeks before pinching them with her fingers. “Nii-chan, I’ve missed you so much,” she cried out, throwing her arms around him one more time.

He laughed, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

Yuta’s mother quickly ushered Haruna back to the table to let Yuta greet Youngho.

His friend had a big grin on his face and had his arms wide open, beckoning Yuta. “You know you want to hug me!” he exclaimed, pulling Yuta into a hug.

Youngho was Yuta’s best friend. He had been for his entire life and Youngho’s absence was evident in his new life. Taeil had become Yuta’s friend, in an odd way, but it could never compare to Youngho. His loud laughs and his cheery voice were sounds that Yuta had grown too comfortable with. Youngho stood tall and strong, a pillar in Yuta’s life that held him up.

“I hope you’ve been working,” Yuta teased when they separated. “You don’t get paid if you don’t work!”

Youngho laughed, head tossed back. He gave Yuta a playful shove. His eyes were twinkling and he looked happy to see Yuta, so Yuta let his next comment slide. “Why should I work when I can just ask you to fund my future now?”

Yuta quickly pulled Youngho towards Taeil. “Taeil, this is Youngho,” Yuta said. “He’s my best friend, and since you’re my only friend here, I want to introduce you to him.”

Youngho bowed in Taeil’s direction. “A pleasure,” he said.

Taeil grinned. “It’s all mine,” he said. “Yuta has said a lot about you.”

Youngho feigned a gasp. “Yuta!” he said, hitting Yuta on the shoulder. “You’ll make me blush!”

Yuta laughed, pushing his friend away. He looked towards the Prince next and to Dongyoung beside him. “Dongyoung, come,” he said, waving him over. Youngho was quick to bow and introduce himself to Dongyoung. Yuta kept his gaze on the Prince, hesitant. “Your Highness, I have someone I’d like you to meet.”

When the Prince was next to Yuta, he placed his hand on Yuta’s lower back. He leaned in carefully. His lips brushed against his ear when he spoke. “You have one more guest,” he said.

Yuta turned and saw Mina, waiting patiently. She smiled when she noticed Yuta had seen her. The Prince dropped his hand from Yuta’s back and turned to Youngho, who began to introduce himself, bowing deeply and using his most serious voice.

Mina had on a beautiful pale green dress. The white ruffles at the end of her sleeves and around her chest were made of sheer material. She had several pearl collars around her neck, matching the ones that decorated her bodice. She wore a simple straw hat with no decorations but her hair itself had small flowers as part of the hairdo.

“It’s been a while,” was all Yuta managed to say when he was standing in front of her.

She laughed shyly, looking down to the ground. “It has been.” She turned up and Yuta felt his heart flutter in his chest. She was beautiful like this.

“Did you enjoy the party?” Yuta asked, clearing his throat. He was itching to reach out and take her hands in his.

“I did,” she replied. “I’ve never been to a celebration like that.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

Mina looked behind Yuta. “We should sit now,” she said.

“Of course,” Yuta murmured.

Yuta offered his arm to her. As she moved to grab him, Yuta saw it. On her finger, there was a ring. The silver shined in the sun and it blinded Yuta for a moment. As Mina’s fingers wrapped around his forearm, he felt the ring dig into the sleeve of his coat, just slightly. Mina didn’t say anything nor did she noticed that Yuta had seen it. Her eyes were locked at the table where everyone was waiting for the tea to be served.

Yuta led them over, pulled out Mina’s chair for her and pushed it in before taking his seat beside the Prince across the table. Yuta’s mother was speaking to the Prince, telling him how lovely the celebration had been. Around the table, everyone else spoke to each other, Youngho and his sisters asking Taeil and Dongyoung about the gardens surrounding them. Yuta’s father was listening to the Prince intently beside his mother. After a moment, Mina joined the conversation about the gardens, asking Taeil if they could walk through when they were done.

The Prince’s hand landed on top of Yuta’s naturally, pulling Yuta’s attention to him.

“The desserts were absolutely delicious,” his mother was saying.

The Prince smiled. “We are glad you enjoyed them. I’ll relay the compliment to the cook.”

The tea was served and even some small desserts were brought out on platters. Yuta’s mother and sisters happily filled their small plates with the cake and chocolates.

Across the table, Mina was speaking to Taeil and Youngho, nodding and smiling along. When she lifted her teacup, Yuta saw the ring on her finger. It was the one that he gave her. He would recognize it anywhere. His mother had worn that ring since she had married his father. It was the ring that Mina would’ve worn until they had a son to give it to. Yuta tore his eyes away from her.

The golden band on his finger was made from real gold and was more valuable than the ring he had given Mina. It fit him perfectly and most importantly, the person beside him had a ring on his finger that matched. The rings showed everyone at the table that they were together.

Yuta remained quiet, drinking his tea and listening to the conversations.

When they were finished, Dongyoung pulled the Prince away for some last minute meetings. Yuta’s parents went along, wanting to go back to the room they were staying in to rest a little more. 

“Well, I’ll give you a look around the gardens,” Taeil said.

They walked down the gravel trail. Yuta’s sisters walked ahead, too excited to see everything themselves. Youngho and Taeil had fallen into a comfortable conversation.

Yuta walked with Mina, who was content with seeing everything around her. They walked slower than the rest, falling behind after a while. Mina had expressed her worried but Yuta assured her that it was okay. He could get them back since he had walked through here several times since his arrival a month ago.

There were several fountains installed throughout the garden, spouting clear water high up into the air that came back down into the fountain with scattered splashes. Yuta focused on the sound, finding it soothing.

“Oh,” Mina murmured. She stopped walking and admired a large rose bush. The roses on it were orange. Yuta had been equally surprised when he first saw them as well. “These are beautiful.”

“They are,” Yuta replied. He took one in his hands. The petals were like soft velvet in his palm. “It’s the only rose bush that has them. I tried to find another bush time but found none. There’s plenty of red, white, pink, and even yellow, but there is only one of these.”

Mina hummed, smiling softly as she touched the petals of one of the roses.

They resumed their walk when Mina was done admiring the rose bush and the ones around it. Mina had an orange rose in her hands now. Yuta had found a gardener nearby and asked him to cut one off for her, which made her laugh happily. The gardener had even been kind enough to remove the thorns from the stem before handing it to Mina.

“You know,” Mina began quietly, her eyes looking far into the distance, “When the palace officers came back before everyone else, everyone panicked. We thought something had gone wrong.”

Yuta hummed. He watched as Mina twirled the stem of the rose in between her hands nervously.

“When they asked for the Na family, my mind went blank. I didn’t know what to think. My brother had to take me home from the schoolhouse. I had assumed the worst had happened. I cried in my room for hours. And when my father came home and told me that you had been chosen by the Prince, my heart stopped in my chest. I cried in the arms of my mother all night. I was inconsolable for the rest of the week. I had to take the ring off of my finger. I almost tossed it in the river one day, but my mother was quick to stop me. She reminded me that it belonged to your mother. So I tried to return it to her, but she insisted I keep it.

Even if you were getting married to someone else, she said that you had chosen me. That it didn’t matter that the Prince had chosen you because you chose me. I didn’t put it back on but I kept it with me. As I saw you get married yesterday, I held it in my hands. It hurt to see the ceremony, but I knew that as long as I had this ring, it didn’t matter that you were married. Because even if the new, extravagant you belongs to the Prince, this part of you, the real part of you, belongs to me.”

There were tears in Mina’s eyes when she finished. They began to fall from her eyes as she tried to blink them away. They stained her cheeks. Her lips trembled. Yuta had never seen Mina cry. 

Yuta stopped walking, carefully grabbing her wrist to stop her as well.

“Mina, is that enough for you?” Yuta asked. He knew what Mina was telling him, what she was offering. Yuta had thought it the day before he exchanged his vows, but he never imagined that it would be Mina to bring it up. “You deserve much more than something like this.”

“Yuta, the Prince is a man, and you are a man,” she said. “His inclinations might lean that way, but yours do not.”

“I don’t like men,” Yuta said, confirming it.

Both of Mina’s hands wrapped around his forearms as she turned to him, the rose she was holding falling to the ground in between their feet. The golden band around Yuta’s finger was forgotten for a moment. The ring on Mina’s finger was all that mattered. Yuta could taste Mina’s tears on her lips but he kissed her back gently anyway.

Mina’s hands climbed up and eventually, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Yuta held her small face in his own hands.

It was their third kiss.

* * *

Yuta said his goodbyes to his family and friends. They would remain in the palace for a few more days before returning to Modan-ri. Yuta’s mother kissed his cheeks and his sisters gave him tight hugs. He gave Youngho one last hug as well. Yuta’s father simply waved goodbye.

Mina gave him a small smile. Even after Yuta and the Prince were inside the carriage and the door had been shut, Yuta’s eyes remained on Mina.

The horses began to pull the carriage forward and when Yuta couldn’t see his guests anymore, he sighed and settled back into the seat.

The Prince sat across from him. He had brought along a book and was reading quietly. He didn’t move when Yuta sighed once more.

Yuta stared out of the window, the palace disappearing behind them as they headed south.

The royal family had many places around the kingdom. In the south, they had a large hunting lodge. The manor there was large though it remained empty for most of the year. It had been prepared for them well in advance and the trip would only take a day, so they would arrive by nighttime.

With breakfast and the tea, Yuta felt fine all day. He entertained himself with a book he had taken from the Prince’s library. It was a book about the Eastern Islands, a compilation of the accounts a traveling merchant from centuries ago.

According to the merchant, the Eastern Islands had beaches that went on for miles, the ocean around it so blue and fresh. The greenery was abundant there, growing even in the sand. The Eastern Islands had mountains as well, but the mountains were described as made from dried black rock. Many fruits grew within the trees that were on the mountains, fruits that Yuta had never heard of but wanted to try. The account described the fruits as hard to attain, growing high up on trees, but they had sweet juices and soft flesh that left the mouth feeling odd afterward.

Yuta read on for the rest of the day. Across him, the Prince remained silently. He looked over at Yuta a few times but said nothing. When he finished his reading, he simply laid back and fell asleep.

Once the sun disappeared over the horizon, Yuta set aside his own book, looking out of the window.

The forest was not as dense as it was the forest of the Yuksan Mountains that his Modan-ri or the one that surrounded the palace. The large hardwood trees and evergreens towered above them. Shrubs and ferns littered the ground below. The dense canopy above didn’t allow much of the light from the rising moon shining down on them. Looking out, the forest was rather eerie.

The carriage eventually pulled up a gravel road to the manor. Yuta admired it from inside the carriage. Several glass encased lanterns lit up the front of the property. The entire front manor was lined with large windows, much like the palace, but it was less extravagant and seemed more delicate and quaint, or as delicate and quaint as a royal manor could be.

The driver soon came around and opened the door. The Prince jolted awake at that. Yuta glanced at him, holding back his laugh. He stepped out of the carriage and the Prince followed.

They went up the steps that lead to the front door and when they were near, it opened, revealing a tall man. He smiled at them.

“Your Royal Highnesses,” he greeted, bowing.

Yuta nodded at him in greeting.

“Has everything been prepared?” the Prince asked.

When the man nodded, the Prince let out a deep breath. The man opened the door to let them in and closed it once they were inside. The Prince seemed antsy as he waited for the man to speak. Yuta looked at the man curiously.

“Your suitcases will be brought it shortly,” he said. He finally looked at Yuta. Yuta took the moment to study him. He had a rather distinct face. His eyes were small and his dark eyebrows were straight above them. He had full lips and his jaw came down to a sharp point beneath them. “Your Royal Highness, my name is Kun. I am the head butler of the manor here.”

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Yuta offered.

Kun simply nodded before motioning to the staircase. “I will show you to your room.”

They followed Kun up the stairs. The manor was only two floors and didn’t even have an eighth of the rooms the palace had. It was no less extravagant, however. Portraits of past family members and landscapes decorated the walls, the gold frames matching the gold trim on the white paneled wall. Large vases held fresh flowers. Several small chandeliers hung from the ceiling in the hall.

The room that Kun led them to was the largest one of them all. The walls inside the room were black with golden detailing all over the panels. Its sitting room was furnished with black velvet loveseats and chairs. There was a bookcase beside the fireplace. Above the fireplace was a landscape painting depicting the setting sun over a mountain range.

The bedchamber had a large bed with black satin bedding. The nightstands were made from dark wood. A large wardrobe was pushed up against a wall. There was nothing else. A door to the side led to the washroom, equipped with a toilet, bathtub, and a washstand.

Yuta thanked Kun as he left, telling them that dinner was almost ready and their suitcases were being brought up soon.

Yuta sat on the bed, legs hanging off the edge. Like the bed in his room in the palace, it was tall enough that Yuta’s feet didn’t touch the floor beneath. He swung his feet around, taking in the bedchamber.

It would be where the Prince and Yuta slept for the week. The thought made Yuta nervous. He had never shared a bed with anybody but Youngho, and those times had been different. There was nothing between Yuta and Youngho. It was different to share a bed with a friend than to share a bed with one’s husband.

“Are you alright?” the Prince asked, stepping into view.

Yuta exhaled. “I’m fine,” he answered.

The Prince nodded and then left the bedchamber. Yuta heard the door that led out of the room close. He sighed and threw himself back on the bed.

He remained there until Kun returned to tell him dinner was ready.

Yuta followed Kun to the dining hall. It was much smaller than the one at the palace and there were no musicians or spectators waiting to watch him eat. There wasn’t even a large spread of food on the table. Only two place settings were laid out and as Yuta sat down, a young maid hurried over to pour him some cold barley tea.

He thanked her and drank some. He was still rather full from such a large breakfast even though it was night now. He would eat a little anyway just so he wouldn’t wake up too hungry in the morning.

He waited for the Prince to come but after a few minutes, it was Kun that hurried into the dining hall. He looked flustered. “I apologize, Your Highness,” he said with a bow. “His Highness said he will not be able to join you for dinner tonight.”

“Oh.”

Maids quickly came out from the kitchen with their trays. They laid the dishes out before him. It seemed that word had reached the manor that Yuta ate rather traditional food. A young woman placed a small bowl filled with rice in front of him. Apart from his rice, the maids laid out a bowl of miso soup, fried fish, and different tossed vegetables.

Yuta looked towards Kun. “The Prince won’t come then?” he asked.

Kun shook his head, an apologetic smile on his face.

“Thank you, Kun,” he said.

Kun disappeared back into the kitchen and Yuta turned to his food. It was a lot more than what he had eaten at home but the dishes were familiar. The cooks at the palace served many exotic things that Yuta had never seen along with some traditional things, but the cook for the manor had only prepared things that Yuta had eaten before.

It was strange to not eat with the Prince. Yuta had taken all of his meals with him for the entire month and had, oddly enough, quickly gotten comfortable with the quiet presence to his right. Even if the Prince never talked to Yuta during their meals, he was always there. Without the Prince, Yuta would feel alone in the palace’s dining hall.

He felt alone right now in the dining hall. 

Yuta brought his hands together and said a quiet thank you. He reached for his chopsticks and began to eat. The rice was warm and fluffy. The seasoning that the cook used over it reminded him of how his mother made it. Yuta ate a little bit of the fish but mostly filled up on the tossed vegetables. 

He collected all the dishes and set them aside before standing up. At the sound of his chair, the young maids and Kun came tumbling out of the kitchen. The maids began to clean up the table in a hurry. Yuta knew that it was the last thing they needed to do for the night. Once everyone was cleared, the maids and the rest of the staff would be able to have their own dinner and rest.

Kun motioned for Yuta to come closer.

“Your suitcases have been moved to your room, Your Highness,” Kun said quietly.

They left the dining hall and went back upstairs. As they walked down the hall to the room, Kun explained a few things.

“There are a few maids on hand every night to assist you with anything you’d like during those hours. There are also footmen around to help. The cook is open to requests for your meals. The laundress will collect your clothes in a few days,” he said quickly. “I am also here, should you need anything. I apologize for having the manor so severely understaffed, but the family doesn’t visit much so we only have what is needed to maintain the property.”

Yuta shook his head. “It’s alright,” he said. “It’s not as stuffy as the palace is.”

Kun was surprised, his eyes widening. He quickly regained his composure as he opened the door to the room. “All of our rooms are located in the west wing on the ground floor,” Kun said. He looked at Yuta with a careful expression. “Your Highnesses will have your privacy for the entirety of the trip.”

Yuta entered the room and bid Kun good night.

He knew that Kun was hinting at the fact that they were expected to lay together. Yuta shuddered, feeling the hairs on his arms raise up. He had gotten used to the Prince’s hands and how they felt against his own over the month but to go any further than that was wrong.

Yuta entered the bedchamber to find the bed already prepared to sleep. He looked around but didn’t see the Prince. He found their suitcases in the corner but they looked like they hadn’t been touched, stacked on top of each other neatly.

He sighed and began to undress. He put aside the parts of his suit. When he was down to his shirt, he went into the washroom to clean his face. He listened carefully, just in case the Prince came while he was in the washroom but he heard nothing. 

He was about to get on the bed when he saw the small box on top. It was a box that shone under the candlelight, the black lacquer on it and the golden clasp reflecting the light. Yuta picked it up and carefully opened it.

The inside of the box was lined with white velvet, soft to the touch. In the center of the box were several barrier devices and a small vial with a liquid inside. At the sight of them, Yuta dropped the box. It clattered to the ground and its contents fell onto the wooden floor. He panicked when he remembered the glass vial. Yuta quickly knelt down and picked up the things, hurrying to put them back in the box. He clasped it shut and then placed it on the nightstand.

Were they really expecting them to sleep together tonight?

Yuta got into the bed, still embarrassed by what the maids had put on the bed. He had never seen barrier devices but he had heard of them. There was no mistaking what it was.

Even if everyone expected them to sleep together, the Prince wasn’t there. He had disappeared the moment they had entered the bedchamber earlier. Yuta hadn’t seen him since. Now that Yuta had seen the prepared barrier devices, he didn’t want to see the Prince again ever.

* * *

The Prince was at breakfast in the morning.

When Yuta woke up, he noticed that the other side of the bed had not been disturbed, meaning that the Prince had not come back to sleep in the bedchamber. The Prince’s suitcases had been emptied, his suits stored away, but Yuta assumed that it was the doing of someone else and not the Prince’s.

“Did you sleep well?” the Prince asked as they began eating.

“Wonderfully,” Yuta replied.

He had slept well as always but he had tossed and turned for quite some time. Every time he closed his eyes, he felt like the Prince would come into the bedchamber. It was nerve-wracking. And the box on the nightstand seemed to taunt him the entire night. It wasn’t until he got up from the bed and moved the box to the wardrobe, hiding it behind his suits that he felt better. It was clear then that the Prince would not sleep in the bedchamber so Yuta was able to find sleep in the middle of the night.

“I apologize for not being able to join dinner,” the Prince said.

Yuta poked at his food for a bit before picking up one of the steamed carrots in his bowl. “It’s alright, Your Highness,” Yuta replied once he had swallowed.

The Prince sighed. “Will you stop calling me that?” he asked.

He sounded really irritated which took Yuta aback. Yuta knew that at first he had called the Prince by his title out of respect and then to mess with him, as Taeil said it bothered him a lot, but it had quickly become a habit; he didn’t say it with any ill-intention anymore. He felt as if it was inappropriate to refer to him by name, even though the Prince did so with Yuta.

“I’m sorry,” Yuta said sincerely. “I didn’t know it bothered you so much.”

“Well, it does,” he snapped. He sighed, shaking his head. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”

Yuta raised his eyebrows. The Prince was definitely bothered by this.

“It’s okay for you to refer to me by name,” he said. His cheeks were dusted with color and he looked flustered, trying to come up with the words to say. Yuta wanted to know what he was thinking. “At least when it’s just us. If you don’t feel comfortable in front of others, I understand. But when it’s just us, I’d like if you did that.”

It was only them in the dining hall right now. The maids had only served them and then had gone to clean the room Yuta slept in. The cook was closed off in the kitchen with the few footmen the manor had, eating their own breakfast. Kun had gone to tend to some manor business for a few hours.

“You’ve only said my name once.” The Prince frowned. He looked at Yuta. “No, it was twice.”

“You remember that?”

The Prince had been so drunk, Yuta was positive he wouldn’t remember anything. “Of course I remember.” The Prince looked back to his food. “I remember everything that happened.”

So he remembered Yuta’s promise as well then. “I didn’t think you would.”

An awkward silence fell over them. The Prince continued to eat, staring down at his bowl. Yuta’s stomach felt full.

“I know it’s uncomfortable for you,” the Prince said as he set aside his empty bowl. Yuta jumped, turning to him. He had a sympathetic expression on his face. “Your life changed completely and you had to adjust to this new way of living quickly. It’s my fault. And I don’t expect you to like me, at least not like that. But I do want to know you.”

Yuta was left speechless. “I―”

“We won’t sleep in the same room. We won’t have to kiss or hug, or even hold hands anymore if it makes you uncomfortable. And I know it does,” the Prince said. “I don’t care if… I don’t care if you―”

He was struggling to speak and Yuta wanted to tell him to stop, that it was okay. It had been hard on Yuta, but he knew there was nothing he could do to change what had happened. The Prince could not go out and choose someone else. He had chosen Yuta, for whatever reason, and Yuta had to accept it. It was his duty as a citizen of the kingdom.

Yuta had done a lot of reading in the past month and he had read books of all kinds. He had read one book that was taken from the writings of a young princess from decades ago. The young princess had come from a village near the southern border. She had only been twenty years of age when the young prince had chosen her to marry him. She had taken to writing to pass her time in the palace after she was married.

She wrote about how difficult it was to adjust to her new life. She missed her parents and her siblings. The palace held no warmth and there was no one to listen to her struggles. Even after the wedding, she was left alone with only the company of her newly appointed ladies-in-waiting, who didn’t want to listen to those parts of her. The young prince was busy preparing for what was to come. The King was ill and would pass on soon, leaving the crown to him. The young princess wrote about how weary the young prince seemed to be at mealtimes.

When the King finally passed and the young prince was crowned, the young princess became the new queen consort. Her writings seemed to change around this time, Yuta noticed. The young woman had always written that her new role was an honor to have, even if she had to give up her life. It was her duty to stand by the young prince. After he was crowned king, she wrote that it was of utmost importance that she take it seriously, even if there was no love between them; she had to become the new king’s support, the pillar to hold him up.

It was only shortly after those writings that the young woman wrote about the child that was growing inside her. The book had ended there. Yuta didn’t know what happened to the rest of the young woman’s life, but he had an idea of what happened thereafter.

It was her writings that resonated with Yuta. He was able to relate to her feelings, though it must’ve been harder for her. The young woman’s words had shown Yuta that it was his duty to stand by the Prince, even if there was nothing between them. Even if the Prince would never become the king, Yuta still had to support him. And in time, Yuta was sure that he would come to do so.

So he wanted to tell the Prince that it was okay. He didn’t need to tell Yuta because Yuta wanted to know him, too. If they could become friends or at least good acquaintances, Yuta knew that he would be able to be that support that the Prince probably needed.

“I don’t care if you have―” The Prince looked embarrassed. “I don’t mind if you see… someone.”

Yuta blinked. “There is no way I could…”

Yuta had thought it. Mina had offered it. And now the Prince was saying he could if he wanted. Somehow, it seemed even more wrong to accept it now. Perhaps the Prince was saying he could so he didn’t have to feel guilty when he saw Lady Kang, but Yuta thought it was wrong to accept. It had been foolish to think he could take a mistress. The Prince could do as he liked, but Yuta would be scrutinized by everyone and he’d be shamed by the court.

“You asked me what I talked about with the young lady the night of the celebration,” the Prince said. “I told her she could stay with you if that is what you wanted.”

Yuta’s breath got caught in his throat. “That’s why she―” He felt like he was choking. “She told me it was what she wanted in the gardens.”

“She can stay, Yuta,” the Prince said. “If you want her to stay, she will have her own room and be taken care of properly. I can arrange for my mother to give her a title. She’ll have her own ladies-in-waiting. Her clothes will be made from the same person that makes yours and mine.”

If the Prince had asked Yuta the day of the wedding, Yuta would have accepted in a hurry. He would be able to have Mina near him and be with her. But it was wrong to take advantage of the Prince like this.

“No,” Yuta said. “I don’t want that.”

“I can send for someone to inform the palace before your family leaves Modan-ri,” the Prince said.

“I don’t want that,” Yuta said. The Prince seemed too insistent, which made Yuta think it truly was to relieve the guilt he had for having Lady Kang even though he had chosen Yuta with his own hands. Yuta wouldn’t do it. He couldn’t do that to Mina, or to the Prince, even if Yuta didn’t love him. He couldn’t do that to the people that celebrated their union. If the Prince insisted on it once more, Yuta would burst.

“Yuta, once she leaves, I cannot assure that I can bring her back for you,” the Prince said.

“I don’t want to do that to her,” Yuta said. He looked at the Prince. “I don’t care if you have someone, if you have several people, I don’t care. You can spend your nights with Lady Kang or whoever, I don’t care. But I cannot do that to her, or to you, out of respect for our union and my respect to the kingdom.”

“Lady Kang?” The Prince frowned. “What of Lady Kang?”

Yuta was not going to be fooled by anyone, Prince or not. “I know that you spend your nights with her!” he exclaimed, pushing back his chair. His elbow bumped against the table but he barely felt the pain. “I don’t care if you enjoy her company, but I won’t have a mistress as well just to make you feel better about it!”

“What are you talking about?” The Prince stood up. The legs of the chair scraped against the hardwood floor. “I don’t enjoy the company of any woman, much less Lady Kang.”

Yuta stood up as well, huffing. “I said I don’t care if you do. You don’t need to lie to me about it,” he said.

“I said I don’t!”

Kun came rushing out of the kitchen, eyes wide. “Your Highnesses, are you alright?”

The Prince was looking at Yuta. For once, Yuta could recognize the emotion on his face. He was angry. “Everything is fine.” But his voice remained calm. “We’re finished with breakfast. Thank you, Kun.”

Kun looked worried but gave them a nod before retreating into the kitchen. He came back a moment later followed by some of the maids. They kept their eyes down as they began collecting the dishes around them, careful not to bump into them. As they were placing them on their trays, the Prince stepped away from his seat and pushed his chair in.

He made his way out of the dining hall without a word.

Yuta sighed. He quickly bowed towards the maids and then to Kun. “Thank you,” he said. “Breakfast was delightful.”

He followed the Prince out of the dining hall.

There was no doubt that everyone had heard them, but if they heard what they were actually talking about, Yuta didn’t know. It would be bad if they had. He wasn’t sure if the staff here had contact with the staff at the palace. If they did, it would become a problem. People would begin talking. It wouldn’t be good news for the Prince or Yuta.

As he went up the stairs, he saw the Prince step into a room. It wasn’t the room that Yuta slept in. He was sure that Kun had told him what was in this room, but Yuta couldn’t remember.

He knocked on the door a few times but received no response. He carefully pushed the door open.

The room was a small library. It had several bookshelves pushed up against the wall made from a honey-colored wood. The wall panels were pale yellow. There were some chairs and a small table. In the center of it all was the Prince. He was standing with his back towards Yuta, facing the large windows.

The sheer curtains softened the sunlight that poured in but the room was still rather bright. Yuta stepped closer to the Prince, one hand coming up to block the light from his eyes so he could see him clearly.

“I don’t have any mistress,” the Prince said. Yuta stayed quiet. “I didn’t pick one up before or after we got married. I never gave it a thought.”

Yuta nodded. 

“Lady Kang is going to get married.”

The Prince turned towards him. He was frowning. His eyebrows came together slightly, creating small wrinkles in the space between.

“She needed my help since the woman she wants to marry is…”

The Prince looked troubled. Whatever was happening with Lady Kang must be hard. “I understand,” Yuta said gently. He wanted to reach out but he stopped himself. “I apologize. For accusing you of something else.”

“You didn’t know and I understand how my actions would have led you to believe that,” The Prince’s expression softened. “I would never do something like that. I chose you so I will be loyal to you.”

Yuta reached out this time, carefully placing his hand on the back of the Prince’s shoulder. “I apologize,” he said again. He pulled his hand back, looking away. “I won’t doubt you.”

“Thank you.”

Another silence came over them. Unlike the one during breakfast earlier, this one allowed them to collect their feelings. Yuta felt horrible that he had assumed the Prince had taken a mistress, but it was the scenario that made the most sense to him. He also felt horrible that he had gotten upset and raised his voice at him, bravely accused him of it.

“My words from earlier remain,” the Prince said, bringing Yuta’s attention back to him. “I don’t want to force you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. But if I could get to know you, I would be happy.”

Yuta inhaled, preparing his words.

Before he could speak, the Prince added something else. “You said you would love me one day, and even if that is only as a friend and it is not the love we are expected to have, it would be enough for me.”

* * *

Kun had the horses prepared for a ride through the large field that was behind the manor the next morning after breakfast. Yuta had never ridden a horse but Kun had quickly shown him a few things. He would be right beside Yuta just in case as well.

The horse that the Prince got on was a large black one. He had affectionately called her Danbi as he brushed her mane with a large brush. He had fed her some vegetables that the cook had picked but would not be used for meals. She seemed content with the attention.

Yuta’s horse was a brown horse that Kun had called Rice, much to Yuta’s surprise. She was younger than Danbi but just as well-behaved. Kun showed Yuta how to brush her mane and coat before letting Yuta do it himself. He had hesitated but after a few minutes, he was more confident about coming closer to the horse.

When Rice was all groomed, Kun had helped him up onto the saddle and told him how to sit. Yuta felt awkward up so high and when Rice took a few steps forward, he felt like he would fall. Kun assured him he wouldn’t. As Kun held onto Rice’s lead, bringing them out for a little practice, the Prince had gone ahead and had Danbi walking towards the large field.

It took a while before Yuta got comfortable with Rice, having to find his balance and getting comfortable in the saddle. Kun taught him how to make Rice walk and how to get her to turn. Yuta had struggled for a few minutes but when he calmed down and collected himself, he was able to get familiar with the motions and get used to how it felt to move forward. Kun had him practice for almost an hour before he told Yuta they could join the Prince.

Kun took Yuta all the way to the field, where the Prince was urging Danbi to lope circles around the field.

“It will be a while before you’re able to do that,” Kun said with a chuckle when he noticed Yuta looking at him.

“I’m in no rush,” Yuta replied.

The Prince slowed down and brought Danbi to a walk, coming closer to them. “Kun, are you coming?”

Yuta looked down at Kun. The young man looked at the Prince before turning over to Yuta. “Have you gotten used to it?”

“I think I’ll be okay,” Yuta replied. He looked towards the Prince. “Taeyong will help me if I need it.”

When Yuta looked back towards Kun, the young man had a bright smile on his face. He removed the lead from Rice carefully, wrapping it around his hand. “In that case, please enjoy your rides, Your Highnesses,” he said, giving them a bow.

Kun walked back and Yuta looked towards the Prince.

“We’ll just be walking,” he said. His voice had changed but Yuta couldn’t tell how. “Let’s go.”

Danbi began walking, turning away. It took a moment for Yuta to get rice to walk but the Prince had stopped to let Yuta catch up.

Once they fell into a comfortable pace, Yuta allowed himself to look around.

The field was twice the length of the manor and it took a while for them to reach the end, where it met the forest. There was a clear dirt trail and Yuta made Rice follow behind Danbi and the Prince. Yuta could see the tall trees above them clearly now, light filtering in through the holes in the canopy. He could also hear the animals hurrying around the ground, the birds flying and chirping above.

“This is a hunting lodge?” Yuta asked when Rice had settled into a pace beside Danbi. “You hunt in this forest?”

The Prince briefly glanced at him. “It is, but we haven’t used it in years,” he replied. “My sister came to stay here after Hajoon was born to recover but it has been empty since.”

Yuta hummed. “So you do your hunting elsewhere?”

“I don’t hunt,” the Prince said firmly. His lips were pressed into a thin line. “I go on many trips with members from the court, but I don’t hunt with them. We go to a lodge further northern and I use the time to rest.”

“Is that so?”

It was still odd to talk to the Prince. The previous day, the Prince had taken off after their discussion in the library and from what Yuta saw, he hadn’t returned. He had been at breakfast that morning but spoke very little, only speaking to Yuta to tell him about the horses when he finished.

“You said my name.” The Prince stared straight ahead. “In front of Kun.”

“I think he liked it,” Yuta said, recalling the smile on Kun’s face. “And you said I should call you by your name.”

“In any case, thank you.”

Silence again.

The trail they were on seemed to round back to the field, back to the manor. It took them an hour and a half to finish the trail before they emerged onto the large field once again. The horses walked across the field and eventually, they reached the stables.

The Prince got off of Danbi, tied her to a post, and came to Yuta’s side, offering him a hand. Yuta took it and carefully swung his leg over Rice to get off. He held the Prince’s other hand come to his waist to hold him. When Yuta’s feet were on the ground, the Prince let go.

“I’ll put Rice away,” he said. “You can go on ahead inside.”

Yuta accepted the offer hesitantly, leaving the stables and walking towards the back door of the manor.

It was progress, Yuta decided as he entered the large entertaining room. The Prince had said he wanted to know Yuta, and Yuta wouldn’t tell the Prince, but he wanted to become part of the support system the Prince had. Today was progress. They still had five days left of their trip and Yuta wondered how much progress they would make by then.

Yuta walked up the stairs and found his room. It had been cleaned up already, fresh flowers in the vases and his suit from yesterday put away. He noticed that there was a black box sitting on the bed. He ignored it as he picked up a new suit and walked to the washroom, shivering as he thought of what lay inside the box.

Being outside and on the horses for the morning had made Yuta sweat a little in his suit. He had never been in such a warm climate and his skin felt sticky. He turned the faucet on the bathtub, adjusting the water so it was still warm but not enough to make him sweat again.

He undressed, putting his suit aside. He stepped into the tub when he was just in his shirt. He let himself down into the water, feeling relief as the warm water hit his skin. It had taken a while to adjust to the saddle and maintain the correct posture, he was sore from just a few hours of riding.

The early afternoon sun that shone into the washroom through the large window made the porcelain of the tub glow and the clear water inside sparkle. Yuta ran his fingers through the water, creating ripples all around. His loose shirt was floating about, now sheer from the water.

Like the writings of the young princess Yuta had read, he had been finding it difficult to adjust. He had adjusted for the most part now. He had Taeil at the palace, a friend that would listen to his struggles. He had Kun here, and though they hadn’t spoken much, Yuta knew he was someone trustworthy. The more time Yuta spent here, the more people he would find; he was sure of that much. It couldn’t replace the people he had been with his entire life, but it could be enough. Yuta hoped that he’d be able to eventually add the Prince to his small group of people.

Yuta sighed, settling his head against the back of the tub. His eyes fluttered shut and he sighed once more, enjoying the soothing feeling the water had on him. 

“Yuta?”

He felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him, after a while in the tub. Yuta opened his eyes. The face before him was blurry for a moment but once his eyes focused, he jumped. The water around him sloshed. He realized it was cold as it hit his chest. He had fallen asleep.

The Prince pulled his hand back and looked away, turning his head towards the window. “I apologize,” he said. “When I returned, I asked Kun where you were and he didn’t know. Since you didn’t make any noise, we didn’t think to check the washroom.”

“I fell asleep,” Yuta breathed out. He quickly pushed down his shirt, using his hands to cover himself. “I apologize.”

“I’ll let you get dressed.”

Embarrassed, Yuta got out of the tub once the Prince had gone outside and closed the door. He reached for a linen towel, wrapping it around himself. He felt his shirt sticking to him everywhere. How long had the Prince been standing there? 

Yuta quickly peeled off the soaked shirt, dried himself with another towel, and dressed into the suit he had laid out.

The Prince sitting on the bed when Yuta came out. He was holding the black box in his hands, looking inside.

“I assume you didn’t bring these in your luggage?”

Yuta shook his head. He felt his cheeks flush. The heat reached his ears as well as he met the Prince’s eyes. “The maids…”

The Prince clicked his tongue, closing the box and dropping it on the bed. “We won’t be needing those, will we?” The Prince’s tone was teasing and there was the slightest smile on his lips.

“I―” Yuta stumbled over, taking the box from the bed. He quickly tucked it under one of the pillows. How embarrassing. “I suppose we won’t be.”

The Prince laughed. Yuta only had the chance to hear him laugh a few times and each time, it caught him off guard. “I apologize. I know it makes you uncomfortable.”

“It’s, it’s fine.”

Yuta heard the door open and soon, Kun appeared at the entrance of the bedchamber, a smile on his face. “Dinner has been served.”

Kun left with a curt bow. The Prince jumped off the bed, heading out.

When he glanced over his shoulder, Yuta hurried after him, his cheeks still burning hot.

* * *

Despite the lack of residences, the manor did not lack alcohol.

After dinner, Kun had brought out a bottle of wine and served it as the Prince and Yuta settled onto the sofas in the large entertaining room. There would be no entertaining tonight, however. It was just the Prince and Yuta after Kun left to eat his own dinner with everyone else.

The alcohol was strong. It was yellow-brown color, which had thrown Yuta off initially. Yuta had only ever had a milky, sweet rice wine that his father occasionally bought from traders passing through Modan-ri. When he asked the Prince what kind it was, he had said it was made from flower petals. Alcohol like that was hard to come by and expensive to purchase.

He drank plenty, feeling lighter as he continued to pour himself more. He hardly drank when he was at home, always worried about how he’d feel at work the next day, but he didn’t have to worry about that here. He could sleep all day tomorrow if he wanted.

There was a pang of certain guilt settling in his stomach but he drowned it out with the alcohol he drank. It wasn’t what he was used to. It was sweet, but had a higher viscosity and was much stronger.

“You should slow down,” the Prince chided as he pulled the bottle from Yuta’s grasp. He poured a little in his own cup. “This kind of wine is dangerous.”

“I’ve never had anything like it,” Yuta replied. His words were slurred together and he was beginning to see doubles of the Prince in front of him. He was well beyond drunk now. “Perhaps I’m done for tonight.”

The Prince set his glass down, standing up. “Would you like me to help you to your room?”

Yuta stood up as well, waving his hands in front of him. “No, no,” he said. “I can go on my own.”

He heard the Prince sigh behind him as he stumbled towards the staircase. The light from the candles was too dim for him to see properly. Yuta cursed under his breath as he finally grabbed onto the railing, feeling out of place. The stairs in front of him were also doubled in his vision; he didn’t know which ones were the real stairs.

“Let me help you,” the Prince said. Yuta felt two hands hold onto him. An arm wrapped around him, a warm body pulling him close. “You can’t walk in this state.”

Yuta let the Prince pull him up. He held onto the railing for extra measure. They walked down the hall towards Yuta’s room. It was quiet upstairs. It was lonely. Yuta didn’t know where the Prince was sleeping, perhaps in another room down the hall, but it felt like the Prince was not there at all.

Yuta pouted as they stumbled into the room. The Prince tugged him towards the bed.

“Let me get these off you,” he murmured as he began to pull off Yuta’s coat. Yuta let him even though he could feel the embarrassment set into his bones. He would blame his red face and ears on the wine. “It’s uncomfortable if you sleep in your suit.”

Yuta’s coat, waistcoat, and breeches fell to the floor. The Prince helped him onto the bed, pulling back the covers. He then removed Yuta’s stockings. He pushed Yuta down onto the bed and carefully pulled the covers over him.

“You’re all set,” he said quietly. “Sleep now, Yuta.”

Yuta wrinkled his nose at the Prince.

“Is something wrong?”

Yuta sat up in bed, swung his legs over the edge and jumped back down. “No,” he said.

The Prince frowned at him. His eyes were cautious. He took a step back. “Then what is it?”

Yuta would never be able to excuse what he did next. He wrapped his fingers around the front of his coat and pulled the Prince forward. Yuta closed his eyes, barely hearing the surprised sound that came from the Prince right before their lips met.

The Prince was unreactive but soon Yuta felt hands on him, holding him in place. Yuta could taste the sweet wine made from flower petals on the Prince’s soft lips. Yuta pulled him closer. He needed the feel the warmth from the Prince, closer and closer.

Yuta was pushed up onto the bed in a hurry, the Prince following quickly. Yuta fell onto his back as he felt the other man hover above him, a leg on either side of Yuta, holding him in. The Prince’s lips travel down to his jaw. He pressed slow, soft kisses there. His tongue left a wet stripe as he moved further, to Yuta’s neck.

Yuta was gasping, stimulating from the small bites and the way that the Prince sucked on his skin, swirled his tongue over the spot.

He let out a particularly loud gasp as he felt the Prince push himself down onto Yuta.

Yuta had never felt arousal and he never expected it to be like this. He had seen women that he found attractive and found himself relieving himself in the privacy of his own bedroom late at night when everyone was sleeping, his pillow drowning out the sounds he made. But he had never been with a woman before. He’d never had courted anyone so he never had the chance. He had only kissed Mina twice when he had planned on marrying her before he was chosen and before he was married, and before he kissed her again in the palace gardens. Yuta had always wondered what it was like to be with a woman, but he never imagined what it would be like with a man.

But the way that the Prince was moving on top of him felt amazing. Yuta was beginning to lose himself underneath the Prince, his mind jumbled with thoughts.

It was wrong. Yuta knew that. From what Yuta had picked up, a man and a woman only laid together in order to bring a child into the world. Doing it otherwise was seen as taboo, at least for many of the people in Modan-ri. What was the point of a man laying with a man?

“I can’t―” Yuta let out finally. He felt the Prince pull away. The Prince’s face was right in front of him now, eyes filled with concern. “I can’t give you a child. I’m not a woman.”

“I don’t care,” the Prince said lowly before kissing Yuta once more, stealing all of his breath away. His lips moved slowly. “I like you because you’re not a woman,” he whispered against Yuta’s lips.

Yuta let out a shaky breath as the Prince kissed at his neck again. He lifted his hips up, trying to find the friction that the Prince had caused when he had moved against Yuta. Mind filled with pure pleasure as he found it, Yuta moaned. “You can have me,” Yuta said shakily.

The Prince’s hand moved to Yuta’s hip, holding him in place. He began to suck at Yuta’s collarbones. It was only after a few moments that he quickly pulled away. “No, wait, Yuta. I can’t,” he said, panicked. When Yuta met his eyes, he saw that the Prince’s pupils were blown. His lips were wet with his saliva. He was panting hard. “We can’t do this.”

The Prince got off of Yuta, getting off the bed. The sound of his feet landing on the floor sounded through the bedchamber. Confused, Yuta sat up, moved the edge.

“Yuta, you’re drunk.” The Prince began to move away. “You don’t want this. You… don’t want this.”

“Taeyong…”

“I think you should sleep now, Yuta,” the Prince said. “Your mind will be more clear in the morning.”

* * *

Yuta scrubbed his skin raw and red in the bath. Regardless of how much he cleaned himself, he could still feel it. He could feel the Prince’s lips, his hands. He could feel him moving against Yuta. He could hear the sounds the Prince had made, quiet, soft moans in between kisses.

Yuta felt disgusting.

When Kun had entered in the morning, Yuta had told him he wouldn’t be joining breakfast. His head was aching. Kun had a maid bring him tea and something light that wouldn’t upset his stomach. Unfortunately, as he ate, the memory came back and Yuta was quick to empty everything into the toilet.

He had been sitting in the bath for almost three hours, trying to clean the feeling off of him. He had cried at one point, cursing at himself for having behaved so irresponsibly the night before. He didn’t know what he had been thinking, what prompted him to kiss the Prince first.

Yuta could see that his skin was a bright red underneath his bathing shirt. If he scrubbed anymore, the skin would surely break and he would bleed. Yuta found that he cared very little; he felt as though he deserved it.

Kun came back before Yuta could do anything. Like Taeil had done the first time, Kun took him out of the bath, tended to him gently. He said nothing to Yuta as he removed Yuta’s shirt, tended to his skin with some salve, and dressed him in a new, clean shirt. Yuta wouldn’t wear a suit today. A simple banyan was enough. It would allow his skin to heal. They didn’t have anything planned for the day so it was okay.

As Kun began to brush Yuta’s hair, Kun ran his fingers through Yuta’s hair. He was making sure it didn’t get knotted once again, Yuta knew that, but it was a soothing gesture. It reminded Yuta of his mother, how she did it all the time when he was little. Would she do it now that Yuta was feeling like a disgrace? Would she do it if she knew why Yuta felt like a disgrace?

Yuta started crying again. Kun continued to run his fingers through Yuta’s hair without saying a word. It was embarrassing for Yuta to cry in front of Kun, but he couldn’t hold it back.

“Let’s get you to bed,” Kun whispered, leading Yuta back to the large bed.

Yuta sniffled as he got in. He pulled the covers over him and laid back.

“No one will bother you today,” Kun assured. “If you need anything, I’ll be in the next room over. I’ll hear you if you call out.”

Yuta didn’t. He fell asleep after Kun left, feeling exhausted from all the emotions he was having. He didn’t wake up until the sun was beginning to set once again.

Yuta got out of the bed and shuffled to the washroom.

Kun had left behind the salve he used and Yuta carefully undressed to reapply some on his skin. He could see the damage he had done clearly now. His skin was bright pink in some places, less pink in the spots he couldn’t reach. He felt ashamed.

It stung as he applied it. He moved slowly. It was cold against his skin, but it provided some relief. It took him a while before he got everything and put his banyan back on.

He left the washroom and barely looked around the bedchamber as he moved into the antechamber. The door was closed and it looked like no one had been in to clean at all.

Quietly, he left the room and walked down the hall. He made it down the stairs and into the kitchen, where the cook was preparing dinner. The cook was someone Yuta had only seen but never properly met. He was an older man, hair already graying, but he seemed to remain strong as he began pounding out some dough.

When he noticed Yuta standing there, he jumped back. “I apologize, Your Highness, I did not see you.” He wiped his hands on the front of the apron he was wearing. “Is there something you would like to request for your meal tonight?”

“I just want something light for right now,” Yuta said quietly. He looked around and found the kitchen was well-stocked with plenty of things. There were many pots on the stove, bubbling quietly with their dinner for tonight. Chopped vegetables were sitting in a large bowl. Fresh herbs hung from the wall, drying out.

“Feel free to take anything, Your Highness,” the cook said with a bow.

Yuta nodded and the man went back to work. He walked towards a large crate with fruit inside. He reached out and grabbed a peach, cleaning it against his banyan. He took a large bite, its juice running down his chin. It was sweet and soft.

He thanked the cook and left the kitchen, hoping he’d be able to make it back to his room without being seen.

Before he could reach the staircase, there was a knock on the large entrance door. Kun came stumbling into view, swinging it open. Yuta looked at the visitor. He wore the uniform of a royal officer. Yuta had come to know it so well, he would recognize it anywhere.

The officer spoke quickly and quietly. Kun brought him inside. The two disappeared into the west wing. Yuta heard a door open and shut.

He rushed upstairs.

Why would an officer come to the manor? They still had three days on their trip.

Yuta felt the anxiousness build. Had they found out?

It was something that was always in the back of Yuta’s mind. He knew it was fairly impossible to tell that someone wasn’t from the Southern Kingdom but within the palace, the chances of someone finding out increased a little. It had terrified him the first few days when he wasn’t allowed to communicate with anyone from home.

It was a fear that had settled down after time. Yuta had quickly learned that people had little interest in Yuta, and it wasn’t like he went around flaunting where he was born to everyone. If anything, Yuta hid it even more. It was hard to hide in Modan-ri where everyone knew because they had all seen Yuta’s family arrive in Modan-ri, but at the palace, no one knew and no one cared. He wanted to keep it that way. So had he slipped up without noticing?

Panicked, Yuta left the room, going to hide in another room.

It was an antechamber with a bedchamber. It was spotless regardless of having no sign of someone staying in the room. Yuta settled for a chair in the corner of the bedchamber, bringing his knees up to his chin.

He sat there, waiting for the officer to finally burst in and take him away.

No officer came in but Yuta heard the commotion that was going on outside. He heard the sound of the maids’ shoes hitting the wooden floorboards. He heard Kun’s muffled voice calling out orders, muted replies from the footmen.

And finally, the Prince’s voice.

“Where is Yuta?” he was saying. It was loud as if he was screaming to someone at the other end of the hall. “Where is he?”

Yuta held his breath. He heard doors in the hall open and close, his name being called out.

When the door to the room he was in opened, Yuta felt his heart stop.

The Prince appeared at the entrance of the bedchamber. He let out a deep breath when his eyes landed on Yuta.

“Oh my goodness, Yuta,” he said, putting a hand to his chest. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

Yuta said nothing.

“Come, we need to go,” the Prince said, coming closer.

Yuta shied away, hiding his face against his knees. 

“Yuta, please.” The Prince sounded desperate.

He looked up and met his eyes. He looked desperate. “What happened?”

“We need to go home,” was all the Prince said.

When the Prince pulled Yuta up, Yuta couldn’t hold back his wince. At this the Prince let him go but quickly pulled up the sleeves of his banyan. 

“Yuta…”

“Your Highness?” Kun’s voice called. “The carriage has been prepared.”

Yuta pulled down his sleeve, stepping around the Prince to go to Kun.

* * *

The entire palace was mourning.

It was solemn even as the hot afternoon sun shone in the sky. 

Yuta looked away as the casket was laid into the ground. 

He heard the crying beside him. It was the Princess, dressed in a black dress. It looked like the dresses the other ladies were wearing. They were void of decoration, no large jewels or feathers. Just like the suit Yuta and all the other men were wearing.

A man was speaking but Yuta couldn’t focus. He finally looked at the casket. It was made from dark wood, detailed with gold. It was simple but elegant. Yuta never knew the man that was inside, but the people around him had. The Queen had grown up with him since his birth. The Princess and the Prince had played with him. The woman with a veil over her face had married him, had children with him.

He was fourth in line to the Crown, following the Princess, her son, and the Prince. He never would have become king but it had never mattered to him as long as he had his family, at least that was what the Queen said as she spoke about her brother.

He had been taken so quickly. His heart had just stopped.

The funeral preparations had been made quickly. In the time it took the royal officers to go to the manor and for Yuta and the Prince to arrive back at the palace, the Queen had finalized everything for her brother’s funeral. It was only close family. No other peering eyes of the court. Yuta was unsure why he was considered as part of the close family. He knew that he was married to the Prince but he hadn’t known the man at all. Yuta felt like he was intruding on a private moment.

A few men with shovels began to place the dirt back into the grave, slowly covering the casket. The wife across Yuta began to cry harder, falling to her knees. The Queen rushed to her, pulling her up and taking her into her arms, whispering words of comfort.

Fresh flowers were placed upon the grave. Yuta had been given some flowers and he quietly placed them beside the rest when his time came. He said a silent prayer and hoped the man was resting peacefully now.

“May he rest in peace,” the Queen said as she laid her own flowers down.

The Prince took Yuta’s hand and they began walking back to the palace. The royal family’s burial plot was a way’s away from the palace itself, hidden in an area beyond the edge of the northern gardens. They passed several graves from other family members, but the Prince kept his gaze on the path ahead. Yuta tried his best not to look, feeling uncomfortable being surrounded by graves.

They eventually reached empty land, land that would be used by future family members. Yuta shuddered at the thought.

“Are you alright?” Yuta asked when they reached the gardens.

The Prince’s hand squeezed his. “I am,” he replied.

Yuta didn’t know what to say. He wanted to be of use to the Prince but he had never needed to comfort someone that had lost a loved one. Yuta briefly remembered Youngho and his uncle, the one that had been friends with his father, but Youngho’s uncle had passed years before Yuta knew of it.

So Yuta just held onto the Prince’s hand. It was the only comfort he could provide.

Taeil and Dongyoung were waiting at the garden entrance for them. Like everyone else, they were dressed in black. Both of them bowed their heads in greeting.

The Prince quickly pulled away from Yuta and went to Dongyoung. He whispered something in the Prince’s ear. He glanced back at Yuta.

“I will see you tonight,” the Prince said.

Yuta nodded, watched as the Prince and Dongyoung went back to the palace. Taeil took Yuta’s arm, pulling his attention back.

“Let’s take care of your arms now,” he said.

Very little words had been spoken by anyone since Yuta and the Prince arrived back at the palace. The members of the court that walked around the palace throughout the day were hidden away in their rooms. The few that had business to do walked around, dressed in black, and remained quiet, solemn expressions on their faces.

The maids that usually scurried around seemed to move even quieter, trying to do their jobs as best as they could in such a situation.

It was a young maid that brought several medicinal salves and creams into Yuta’s bedchamber when they arrived. Yuta had stripped down to a banyan and was waiting. The family doctor would be coming around to check on him. Taeil had seen Yuta’s arms upon their arrival and was worried so the Queen had called the doctor immediately.

“It looks better than it did this morning,” the doctor said. The doctor was an old man who simply introduced himself as Dr. Park. His old hands shook a little, but he seemed to get them steady as he pulled back the dressings around Yuta’s arms. He looked up at Yuta as he moved to the dressings on his thigh. “How did you say this happened?”

“It…” Yuta trailed off, unsure of what to tell the doctor. He couldn’t lie to the man.

The doctor cleared his throat. “In any case, you must be careful. Your skin should heal quicker with the dressings.”

Yuta stayed quiet as the doctor placed a cool salve onto Yuta’s skin. He applied a thin layer on each part of Yuta that remained red and then wrapped him back up in new dressings.

“Apply some more tonight, just a thin layer, and wrap it back up,” the doctor said as he stood. He eyed Yuta. “Take care now, Your Highness.”

Yuta gave the doctor a nod and thanked him as he left.

Taeil helped Yuta get dressed again, careful not to move the dressings underneath his shirt. “Did you enjoy your trip?” he asked as he buttoned up the front of Yuta’s waistcoat.

“It was lovely,” Yuta replied.

“You two seem closer,” Taeil murmured.

“We talked.”

The Prince and Yuta were hardly any closer than they were before they left. They hadn’t spoken to each other once during the trip back to the palace. All the progress they had made from talking in the forest during their horse riding seemed to be taken back after their drinking and Yuta’s actions. Yuta was unsure of where this left them but he was too afraid to ask.

“I’m glad.” Taeil finished helping Yuta into his coat. “There’s something you should know now that you’re back.”

“What is it?” Yuta adjusted the sleeves of his coat. He looked up when Taeil didn’t answer.

“There have been some adjustments and new arrangements have been made at the palace,” he said finally. “Since you are married, the court expects you to share a room.”

Yuta blinked. “Oh.”

He hadn’t even shared a room with the Prince at the manor. His mind crept towards two nights ago, but he closed that part away. That didn’t count. Nothing happened. He had slept by himself in the end. He told this to Taeil. 

“I know it’s not ideal, but―”

“It’s okay,” Yuta said. It made sense for them to share a room. Yuta could easily sleep on one of the sofas and leave the bed to the Prince. It wouldn’t be a problem. No one needed to know what happened behind closed doors. “I understand.”

“I’ll show you to the room then.”

The room that Taeil brought him to was not the Prince’s room. It was much larger than the rest of the rooms in the Prince’s wing. 

It had a large antechamber that was sparsely furnished with a few red velvet chairs and sofas. A large fireplace built into the wall. White and gold wall panels with portraits of the Prince and his family hanging in different areas. Large black marble vases with bright red and white roses on top of small, dark wood tables.

The bedroom had a bed large enough to fit at least five people. It had a large headboard, a padded red velvet with a gold frame. The curtains that hung from the ceiling were pulled back, letting Yuta see the red and gold pillows on top of golden bedding. The bed faced four large windows that had a great view of the gardens. There were dark wooden nightstands on each side, each with a chamberstick that could be used by them during nighttime. The walls in here were the same white and gold, with the trim going up onto the ceiling to make intricate designs. 

It was much gaudier than the room he had been staying in. Even the room that the Prince was staying in wasn’t as over the top, though Yuta had only seen it once.

“The wardrobe is through here,” Taeil said, pushing open a door open.

The wardrobe was almost as large as the antechamber of the room. Yuta was in awe of it. It was empty now but he was sure that it would be filled with both their suits sometime soon. Yuta followed Taeil to the washroom, equally as gold, white, and red as the other rooms had been.

“Your clothes will be moved here before nighttime,” Taeil said, turning back to look at Yuta.

“Thank you,” Yuta said. He looked around the washroom once more. “It’s a lot.”

“It’s been under renovation until recently,” Taeil informed him. “It’s a wedding present from Her Majesty.”

Yuta almost laughed. What a gift his mother-in-law had given him.

“There are a few more things we need to talk about,” Taeil said. “We can discuss in the library.”

They left the room and Yuta tried to memorize where it was so he would be able to find his way back. It was further from the staircase, from where he had been staying. Their new room seemed to be hidden from the rest of them. It was a short walk from the library but if Yuta didn’t pay attention, he never would’ve noticed the door that led to the newly renovated room on the other side of the hall at the furthest end of the Prince’s wing.

Taeil made sure the door was closed and Yuta sat in a chair. The books that he had pulled from the shelves before they left for his trip were stacked on a small table. The entire room had been dusted and cleaned but the maids had left Yuta’s books out for him.

“You have an allowance,” Taeil said, dropping into the chair beside Yuta. “It’s not much, but you can do what you like with the money. There are various things for you to spend on.”

Yuta frowned, listening as Taeil began to talk. There were special performances held on the ground floor’s theatre. Yuta could spend his money on buying animals and new plants for the gardens. He could have new suits made. They could import whatever he wanted from other kingdoms the Southern Kingdom worked with. He could throw parties, go wherever he wanted, he could do anything.

“What does His Highness spend his allowance on?”

Taeil grew flustered. “I do not know,” he said. “And I wouldn’t tell you if I did.”

Yuta smiled. “Give my allowance to charities,” he said. “And send some to my family. I don’t want anything else.”

“Very well, Yuta,” Taeil said. “I’ll compile a list of charities for you to choose from.”

Taeil went on about other things then. 

The Prince was not allowed to go out into public so Yuta’s public appearances would be limited as well. Yuta would continue taking all of his meals with only the Prince but on the seventh day of the week, Yuta and the Prince would join the rest of the family for a meal at dinner. The Prince held several private councils during the week and Yuta was invited to join them whenever he liked, though Yuta doubted he ever would. If members of the court approached Yuta, it would be because they had something they wanted and Yuta was the court members’ way of getting to the Prince, which was the way to get to the Queen; Yuta could do as he wished, introduce them to the Prince or not. 

It was a lot of information to take in. All the new responsibilities and possibilities that came with his new life.

“I know it’s a lot,” Taeil said sympathetically when he saw Yuta get lost. “I’m here to help you as you go. You will get used to it rather quickly.”

Yuta nodded. “Thank you.”

Taeil smiled and put his hand on top of Yuta’s. “You’ve been doing great.”

* * *

Dinner was a quiet affair. Yuta enjoyed the various meat dishes and salads that the cook prepared with his rice. He stuck to cold barley tea, gently refusing the Prince’s offer of wine.

The Prince had dismissed Dongyoung and even Taeil, who reluctantly left after a nod from Yuta. The Prince insisted he would take Yuta up to their new room himself. The Prince was not drunk. Yuta had only allowed him to drink a little bit of wine before pulling the bottle away and asking a maid to bring the Prince some tea. But apparently, even a little was enough to get the Prince to sway and stumble.

“Be careful now,” Yuta said as he let go of the Prince, who fell onto the sofa in the antechamber. “Let me call Dongyoung.”

“Don’t call Doyoung,” the Prince whined. Even though all the candles had been turned off, the bright moonlight was enough for Yuta to see him. His cheeks were tinged pink from the alcohol. He was pouting. “He gets mad when I get drunk.”

“You’re not exactly good company when you’re drunk, Your Highness.”

The Prince whined again. “Yuta, please,” he said, exasperated. “Don’t go back to calling me that.”

“Let’s get you to bed. Can you take off your clothes? I don’t want to do it,” Yuta said as he pulled the Prince up and into the bedchamber.

“I’ll do it.”

Yuta left the Prince reluctantly, making sure he was actually able to. He undressed in the washroom, bringing his suit back and leaving it on a chair in the bedchamber. The Prince was pulling his stockings off his legs, tossing them to the floor. His suit laid in a crumpled heap beside the bed.

“Do you need help getting into the bed?”

“I can do it,” the Prince grumbled.

He pulled back the bedding and got on, quickly covering himself with the covers. Yuta followed, removing the pillows from the bed, pulling the covers back. Instead of putting the pillows aside, Yuta lined them up down the center of the bed. The Prince either didn’t notice or didn’t care enough to look over and comment.

It left them with enough space on each side.

Yuta was unsure of the sleeping habits of the Prince but Yuta knew he was someone that moved around a lot and often hugged pillows or the bedding. He didn’t want to embarrass himself by doing that to the Prince. He would have taken the sofa as he decided earlier but the bed was too enticing. Besides, they would be in trouble if a maid came in and saw that they were sleeping separately. The pillows were enough to separate them. He doubted the Prince would try anything, and there was no way that Yuta would ever try anything on the Price.

He stared up at the canopy above the bed, finding several details embroidered into it. He wasn’t tired and he doubted that he would be able to find sleep soon. On the other side of the pillows, he heard the slow breathing of the Prince. At least he was able to sleep, Yuta thought a little bitterly.

He was about to sigh when the Prince’s voice sounded through the dark room. Yuta almost jumped, his sigh turning into a small yelp.

“I know that this isn’t comfortable,” he said. “I apologize for choosing you, but I have my reasons for doing so. You may never understand them completely, but I understand you. I understand what you’re feeling. I struggled my whole life. I grew up feeling disgusted and repulsed by my own self. I had never been attracted to a woman; I always found myself growing fond of other princes or the sons of court members. I was ashamed. I was afraid my mother would find something wrong with me so I never told her. I always pretended to like the ladies she introduced me to. I was expected to court Lady Kang and marry her, but Lady Kang told me she was not interested in men. She was interested in a girl from the town the Lady Kang’s father is in charge of. She would’ve married me if I asked anyway, but I decided to tell her I wouldn’t ask that of her. I decided to tell my mother.

She didn’t. She understood. She told me it was okay that I found men attractive but not women. That was only weeks before the ceremony. She encouraged me to choose a man. It would be fine. I didn’t want to choose the son of a lord; I could tell that they weren’t like me. But you… I knew that it was you I needed to choose.”

Yuta closed his eyes, taking in a shallow breath. He didn’t know if he should answer.

“Take your time,” the Prince said. “I’ll be here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as long as the first part, but it's how I wrote it a long time ago so... I won't touch it. Next part has better stuff, promise. Love how Taeyong basically said, "My gaydar told me u were somewhere on the spectrum. I'm sorry. U will realize that u like me soon. Take ur time, I'll wait for u."
> 
> Notes for this part:  
> \- Yuta is referring to a traditional Korean wedding when he talks about his dream of marrying Mina. He wouldn't have a traditional Japanese wedding since he lives in the Southern Kingdom.  
> \- Taeyong's nephew is real and was born around 2016, I think, so he's really only like three. I made him older, that's all. I don't know his name either, so I made it Hajoon.  
> \- Danbi was actually a pet dog Taeyong had. She was a dalmatian!  
> \- Kun named the horse Yuta rode. Kun has (or had?) a dog whose name translates to Rice or something like that. I don't know if this is true, but it's so cute.  
> \- When they're drinking in the entertaining room at the manor, they're drinking dugyeonju, which is wine made with azalea petals and has about 21% alcohol. The wine Yuta mentions is makgeolli, which is thick milky, sweet rice wine with about 6-7% alcohol.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed this part! If there are any mistakes, I'm sorry, I suck at editing and English.


	3. Nights Away from Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this right after the last part but I went on vacation and it was a long one. I came back and it took me a while get back into the groove and read through the entire part (it's 24K words! What, why!) Also, thank you, everyone, for your sweet comments. They truly mean a lot and encourage me to open up this 120+ page document after a long day at work. But because I'm always so tired and can't edit for my life, I still leave in like 1000 mistakes each chapter (sorry). Still love it though <3
> 
> Warnings for this part: Implied/Referenced Cheating, Internalized Homophobia (will this be the last time this tag shows up? I wonder...)

Yuta landed onto the ground hard, feeling a sharp pain in the middle of his back. He felt the air get knocked out of his lungs as a small body jumped on him, little knees digging into his ribs. He gasped for a few moments before grabbing onto the body, pulling it off him.

Hajoon’s giggling rang through the room. His little hands grabbed at Yuta’s wrists, trying to pull them off, but Yuta was much stronger. He set Hajoon down beside him and sat up, clutching his stomach. Yuta took several deep breaths, trying to find himself again.

“Hajoon, we don’t play like that,” Hajoon’s nursemaid, Juhyun, chided gently from behind them.

Hajoon got up and was about to apologize before Yuta stopped him, putting his hands on Hajoon’s shoulders. “It’s all right,” Yuta said, making Hajoon smile widely.

Yuta looked towards Juhyun. She was older than Yuta but younger than the Princess. She had been Hajoon’s nursemaid since he was born and she was very obviously fond of him, treating him like her child. Since Yuta spent so much time with Hajoon, it was only natural that he was familiar with Juhyun.

“I’m fine,” Yuta told her. He pushed himself up from the ground. “I used to be worse as a kid. There’s no need to worry, Juhyun.”

She pursed her lips. She was unconvinced. “If you let Hajoon do that, he’ll continue doing it. It won’t be so fun when he’s older and still knocking you to the ground.”

Yuta looked down at Hajoon. The little boy had his best puppy eyes on as he looked up at Yuta. The resemblance to his mother and even his uncle left Yuta baffled every time. He smiled at the boy.

“Hajoon will learn,” he said. He ruffled Hajoon’s hair, much to Juhyun’s displeasure. “Where are you going today?”

“Juhyun is taking me to play with the dog! My mom bought a big one and it just arrived today!”

“A dog?” Yuta looked towards Juhyun.

“He’s very excited,” she replied with a soft smile. It was motherly. 

Yuta remembered his mother. He had written a letter to his family to update them on what was happening around the palace the week before and was waiting for their reply. Taeil said it could be at least two weeks before it finally came.

“Will you join us?” Hajoon grabbed Yuta’s hand and tugged at him.

Yuta laughed. “I am sorry,” he said. Hajoon frowned. “Your uncle and I have to do something right now. I will try my best to join you later in the afternoon, and if not, we can go together another time.”

Hesitantly, Hajoon let go. Juhyun came up behind him, placing her hands on Hajoon’s shoulders and leading him to the door that led outside. Yuta waved at them with a smile, only stopping when the doors closed behind them.

Yuta wished he could join the two but Taeil had said that today’s plans could not be rearranged. Yuta let it go because it couldn’t be helped; besides, the dog would remain at the palace. The person that Yuta and the Prince needed to see would not. She was here for two days only.

Now nearing almost three months in the palace, Yuta was able to find the room easily. It was one of the smaller entertaining rooms. It hadn’t been used more than a few times in the time Yuta had been there. Only the Queen seemed to use it to privately entertain extremely important guests. 

The wall panels were a soft peach with intricate white details. The large windows allowed the room to be bathed in sunlight. The light made the beige velvet of the sofas glow. Some maids were fixing the heavy, white curtains on the windows while a few others were fixing some flowers in vases.

The Prince was already inside. Dongyoung was fixing the front of his shirt with nimble fingers. He was saying something to the Prince, making him nod and shake his head. The suit that the Prince was wearing looked too familiar. 

Yuta turned away and found Taeil already approaching him.

“Come, come,” Taeil said quickly, taking him by the elbow and leading him back outside. He pulled Yuta to the next room, another entertaining room. “You need to change quickly.”

Yuta said nothing, allowing Taeil to take off his suit. When Taeil began preparing the suit he was going to wear, Yuta felt his heart thump harder in his chest. It still fit like a glove even though Yuta was sure he had gained weight since the last time he wore it. He quietly obeyed Taeil’s instructions of _please turn_ and _lift your arms_. It wasn’t until Taeil was on the floor, buckling Yuta’s shoes that Yuta managed to say something.

“What a groom,” he said.

Taeil looked up at him, wrinkling his nose. He finished buckling the shoes and stood up. Like that day, he put his hands on his hips, looking over Yuta. “You remember that?”

“Of course,” Yuta replied with a smile.

Taeil shook his head. “To think that happened almost two months ago.” He motioned to the door. “Shall we?”

Yuta walked back to the door. He opened it and saw the maids scurrying out of the room that the Prince was in. The door was left open by the last one, who gave him a bow. He entered the room once more and found one more person in the room.

The woman was older than Yuta and the Prince by a few years. He knew that much from Taeil. She was tall and thin. Her dress was not as extravagant as many other ladies, but given her work, Yuta understood. Instead of something bright made from satin, she wore something akin to the dress Yuta’s mother had worn long ago during the morning tea held after the wedding.

It was a striking red dress with a smaller silhouette due to the lack of a pannier underneath it. There were little details on it but it still looked sophisticated and beautiful. Her dark brown hair was curled and pinned atop her head without anything else.

When she turned, Yuta saw her bright smile. She curtsied to him. “Your Royal Highness.”

Yuta bowed. “Lady Kim.”

She motioned to the seats that were prepared in front of the fireplace on the wall to his right. “I apologize, Your Royal Highness, but if you could sit down.”

Yuta moved to the seats. The Prince was already there and he nodded in Yuta’s direction. Yuta looked back to Lady Kim.

“Beautiful,” she said, clapping her hands together.

She hurried over and began to position them, apologizing quietly as she instructed them to move around. The taller seat was for the Prince. Lady Kim had him sit and had him move his legs around a bit. It was only when she asked the Prince to hold onto the hilt of the sword on him that Yuta took in the small additions to the Prince’s attire.

It was his wedding suit without a doubt. But above his coat, he wore a sash across his body. It was a deep red, the color of the family, and made of velvet. There were several smaller medallions pinned to his coat as well, ones Yuta had never seen. Around his waist was a golden belt, a sword hanging on his left side. Its hilt was black leather, with the small silver metal circle at the end, the crest of the family inside it. 

He looked like royalty today and Yuta was surprised.

It was odd how quickly Yuta had gotten used to the sight of the Prince without all of the extra details and additions. Yuta had learned that the Prince preferred to have suits that were not so over the top for his everyday wear. Yuta had only seen him dressed this way once and it was the first time that he had laid eyes on him. Since then, the Prince hadn’t gone to such extremes. Not even on their wedding was he dressed like this despite the rest of the royal family being dressed in their absolute best, his father and brother-in-law adorned with their medallions and sashes.

Seeing the Prince so neatly groomed and styled made Yuta feel like this was another person.

The Prince in front of him now was not the same one that slept beside him in bed and woke up with his hair flattened on the back of his head and his face slightly swollen. The Prince in front of him was not the Prince that played with Hajoon, letting his nephew jump on him even though his back hurt. This was not the Prince that teased Dongyoung every moment he could or the Prince that laughed out loud at Taeil’s off-putting jokes.

This wasn’t the person that Yuta had started learning about over the last two months. 

This was the _real_ Prince in front of him. The Prince that was always distant and unattainable, high above Yuta. 

He wondered if the Prince was like this when in council, listening to men and women ask for things. There was no doubting that the Prince was someone that commanded respect when he looked like this. Around Dongyoung and Hajoon, and sometimes even Yuta, the Prince was usually expressive, all of his emotions on his face and easily readable. But around others, it seemed that he retreated, closed himself off. It was something that Yuta had experienced for the first month and a half.

Things had changed. It wasn’t like the Prince was suddenly Yuta’s best friend, but as the eighth month disappeared and they entered the ninth month, as the hot summer transitioned into the cool autumn, the walls that the Prince had built around himself were beginning to disappear, brick by brick. In turn, Yuta began to take down the walls around himself.

They still didn’t talk to each other much unless they were around other people. Only then did they engage in polite conversation about whatever topic was going around. It wasn’t hard to get used to sharing a room either. If Yuta placed the pillows properly on the bed, it felt as though he had an entire bed to himself. He never saw the Prince sleeping, only catching glimpses of him when they woke up in the morning, well-rested and looking like it. Yuta had grown comfortable sharing meals with him long ago, both of them enjoying their food in quiet company. And like the Prince had promised, they never did anything that made Yuta uncomfortable. Sometimes it was inevitable when they were before the more scrutinizing members of the court, and the Prince took Yuta’s hand carefully, but other than that, the Prince stayed true to his word. 

The Prince was a gentle person. He was respectful to his parents, close to his sister, and loved his nephew dearly. He held Dongyoung in high regard and even through the Prince’s slight indifference to him, Yuta could see that before a gentleman waiting on a patron, Dongyoung was truly the Prince’s closest companion.

The Prince laughed easily when in close company, shoulders shaking and eyes closed tightly as that breathy, choked sound left his mouth. He spoke animatedly when he was excited about something, eyes bright with interest and hands gesticulating. His eyebrows came together a little when he found something distasteful, pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth ever so slightly to stop a frown from appearing on his face. He offered soft, sincere smiles all the time, the affection clear on his face but hidden in his voice.

Yuta had learned all these things over the last month and a half. But before him, right now, was someone else entirely, another part of the Prince that Yuta had only gotten a glimpse at. Even after nearly three months, the Prince remained someone that Yuta only knew the surface of.

The Prince’s voice was calm as he spoke to Lady Kim. He only offered her small smiles and nods, but nothing else. He maintained a respectable distance between them even as Lady Kim moved his legs and arms around to her liking.

It was nothing like the Prince that Yuta thought he was beginning to know. His interactions with Lady Kim served as a reminder of the stark differences between them. 

He wondered if he would ever truly get to know the Prince and he felt himself begin to build the walls around himself again, slowly stacking bricks on top of each other.

Yuta was hesitant when Lady Kim told him to sit on the lower seat. He followed her words. He turned his legs to the right, kept his back straight and facing forward, even though it felt uncomfortable. Yuta was aware of the Prince’s eyes on him but he didn’t turn back.

Lady Kim was happy with how their positions turned out after several minutes of moving them around. She grabbed Yuta’s right hand and the Prince’s right hand, joining them together in between them.

As always, the Prince’s hand was warm and soft in Yuta’s. It was something he’d gotten used to long ago, and even though it wasn’t something they did unless they had to, it was an odd form of comfort in unfamiliar surroundings for Yuta. 

Lady Kim moved away. She looked at them with a smile. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

Lady Kim had several colors and brushes, among other things, laid out before her. Yuta was unsure of what exactly she was doing but she moved with a purpose. She picked up different brushes and dipped them in colors, swatching them on a small palette in front of her. Her gentle face began to change into an expression of pure concentration, her eyebrows coming together a little and lips turning down the slightest bit, as she brought the first brush to the canvas.

The large canvas in front of her began a brilliant white but after a few moments, it was stained with the bright golds of their suits, the red of the Prince’s sash, the deep brown of their hair. 

Yuta stayed as still as possible, wondering if he would remain that way for several hours to come. He hadn’t bothered to ask how long it would be before they could leave and he couldn’t call out to Taeil across the room to ask. He had never had a portrait painted of him before. The Prince had only one portrait done of him previously. Yuta had seen it. 

The portrait was in their room, replacing the portrait of one the Prince’s great-aunts from long ago. It was brought in a few weeks ago, shortly after they moved into the room. Yuta had been surprised but he found the portrait rather beautiful. The Prince seemed to still be a boy, around Donghyuck’s age. He wore a green suit and had the deep red sash around him. He was smiling just a little in it. The Prince looked rather playful, much more mischievous than he did now.

It was a beautifully done portrait. Dongyoung told him that the artist had passed away shortly after painting it, making it one of his last works. Yuta had refused the Prince’s offer of taking it down and replacing it with a landscape. The artist had worked hard on it, one of the last things he had ever done, and it was amazing. The portrait would remain, Yuta had insisted.

This new portrait would most likely replace it. It was them in their wedding suits, married.

Yuta wanted to ask Lady Kim how long it would take but he felt the Prince squeeze his hand so he remained still. Even as his back began to ache from sitting straight and his legs lost feeling from being turned away from him so awkwardly, he remained still.

Lady Kim worked quietly, offering very little insight into how the portrait might be turning out. She hummed as she picked up new brushes and colors but quieted down as soon as the tip of the brush hairs hit the canvas.

Not even Taeil or Dongyoung gave them a hint as to how it was looking. Dongyoung had several papers in his hands and was reading through each one carefully, taking notes as he went. Beside him was Taeil, reading a thick book. His lips moved silently as he read. They were both completely distracted.

Thankfully, Lady Kim worked productively once she was in her work.

“Your Royal Highnesses,” she said, moving away from the canvas. She cleaned her hands in a small basin, a maid pouring clean water over her hands. She dried her hands on a towel provided by another maid. “It’s been a pleasure working with you.”

The Prince was the first to move. He stood from his tall seat, grabbed Yuta’s hand properly. “It’s been our pleasure,” he said with a tight smile.

Lady Kim flushed at that, bringing a hand to her chest. “Well…” She looked at the canvas with a bright smile. “We can continue tomorrow. I will have someone bring it to you when it is complete.”

The maids helped Lady Kim pack her things and after it was all cleaned, she bid them a good afternoon. Yuta dropped the Prince’s band, followed her to the door, and saw her out. He could hear Lady Kim’s ladies rushing to her, following her wherever she was going next.

On the other side of the room, Dongyoung had already begun to take off the Prince’s suit. He placed the Prince’s medallions aside, carefully removed the sash, undid the golden belt around his waist.

“I’ll see you when you’re changed,” the Prince said, meeting Yuta’s eyes.

It was there. The gentleness that Yuta had begun to know.

“All right.”

Taeil led him back to the other room and Yuta barely felt himself being undressed and dressed once more. Taeil was telling him about the book he was reading, but Yuta couldn’t bring himself to focus for more than a few seconds. It didn’t seem to bother Taeil much. He continued chatting to Yuta, even though it was clear he wasn’t paying attention when Taeil asked a question and Yuta couldn’t do anything but give him a lost look.

“Taeyong doesn’t have anything to do,” Taeil finally said. He fixed the ruffles at the end of Yuta’s sleeves. “He planned on joining Hajoon in the field.”

Yuta heard this bit. “Oh?”

Taeil was smiling. “Would you like to join him?”

“I’d love to.”

They left the palace and walked outside. The sky was darker out now, the sun beginning to fall over the horizon, and the air was a little chilly. It wasn’t enough for Yuta to ask for his greatcoat. It felt like Modan-ri in the spring, despite it being autumn now. It was refreshing after spending the summer in the warmer climate of the south.

Juhyun was the first person Yuta saw. She was watching the pair in front of her intently, a small frown on her face. Dongyoung was beside her, watching as well. He seemed to be talking to Juhyun, who didn’t answer, too worried about the two princes in front of her.

The dog was large, even bigger than Hajoon. It had long, shaggy white and gray fur that covered its entire body, even falling over its eyes. When it stood on its hind legs, it was nearly the height of the Prince. The two large front paws of the dog landed on Hajoon’s small shoulders, knocking him down. Hajoon let out a yell as he disappeared underneath the dog. The Prince was quick to move to his nephew, trying to pull the dog away.

It was then that Juhyun went running towards them, frantically asking Hajoon if he was all right and trying to push the large dog off the boy. The Prince managed to pull the dog away, allowing Juhyun to drop to her knees and bring Hajoon into her arms. The dog sat beside Juhyun, watching her with Hajoon curiously. She scowled at the animal. She looked even smaller beside the dog.

“That thing is huge,” Dongyoung said. He was wrinkling his nose. “How Hayoon found one that size is beyond me.”

“It’s from somewhere across the sea,” Taeil replied. “It’s been traveling for weeks.”

Yuta looked at his friend. “Weeks?”

“At least six,” Taeil said with a frown. “It’s not easy to find this kind of dog on this land. It comes from a specific kingdom across several seas.”

“It still doesn’t answer how Hayoon managed to find it,” Dongyoung said quietly. “Does she know someone from those lands?”

“I’ve never seen a dog, at least not one for the house,” Yuta confessed, catching the attention of both men. Yuta had seen the wolves that roamed the forests of the Yuksan Mountains many times in his life, but dogs meant for the home were not something the people of Modan-ri did. It was expensive to purchase a domestic animal. “It’s my first time seeing one.”

“Go,” Dongyoung said. “Taeyong will make sure it doesn’t bite you.”

Yuta walked to the small group apprehensively. Juhyun was quietly scolding Hajoon, telling him to not let the dog jump on him and to be more careful with how he played with the animal. Hajoon was listening with a gloomy face. A little further away was the Prince. He was petting the top of the dog’s head gently. The dog’s tail swished over the top of the grass below, happy with the attention.

“Yuta, would you like to meet Zennie?” The Prince asked. He beckoned Yuta over and Yuta briefly glanced at Juhyun and Hajoon before approaching the Prince. “She’s nice.”

“She?” Yuta asked. He carefully reached out and touched the top of the dog’s head. The dog turned her head up and Yuta pulled away quickly, making the Prince laugh.

“She won’t hurt you, she’s nice,” the Prince said. He crouched down so he was at eye level with her. He pushed back the long fur that covered her eyes. Her tail began to wag faster and she tried to lick the Prince’s face. He laughed again. “You’re a good girl, right, Zennie?”

Yuta just watched as the Prince interacted with the dog. He was laughing and smiling as he pet her.

“Come on, Yuta.”

The Prince reached out and took Yuta’s hand. He brought it to the top of Zennie’s head and held it there. The dog pulled away and licked Yuta’s palm, making him want to pull back. The Prince’s hold on his wrist prevented him for doing so.

“She likes you!” he exclaimed happily. He brought Yuta’s hand back to the top of her head. “Just pet her. She won’t do anything.”

Yuta began to pet the dog’s head slowly. The Prince let go of Yuta’s wrist and began to scratch behind Zennie’s ears. She seemed to love the attention she was receiving.

The Prince was speaking to Zennie as they continued to pet and scratch her. He raised the pitch of his voice, asking her silly questions as if she was a baby. Yuta almost laughed. The Prince was talking to the dog.

“Do you like dogs?” Yuta asked, pulling his hand away.

“I love dogs,” the Prince replied. He looked back at Yuta. “I used to have one when I was younger but she was already a little old so…”

“I see,” Yuta said. “I’m sorry.”

The Prince shook his head. He stood back up, pulling away from Zennie, and brushed off his clothes. “It’s okay now. I cried a lot about it when it happened but I was ten years old. I’ve had time to recover. I hope that my sister lets me see Zennie and doesn’t keep her to herself. It’s fun to play with dogs.”

“It’s my first time,” Yuta said. “Seeing a dog.”

“Then I’m sure my sister will gladly let you see Zennie whenever you want,” the Prince said. He eyed Yuta. “Do you think I could accompany you?”

“Of course,” Yuta said.

The sun had already disappeared over the horizon and the last bits of light were disappearing. Juhyun had already begun walking back with Hajoon. Taeil and Dongyoung were waiting for them.

As they made their way to them, a young man went to get Zennie. The Prince waved goodbye towards her.

“Did you like the dog, Yuta?” Taeil asked as the four of them followed behind the man who was taking Zennie back inside.

“She was nice.”

As they entered the palace, Taeil and Dongyoung fell into step behind them. The Prince was to Yuta’s left, close enough that Yuta felt the heat radiating from his body. It was something familiar and comfortable at this point.

“Wouldn’t you like another dog?” Yuta asked as they began to go up the stairs.

The Prince hummed. “I would, but I don’t have time,” he replied. “I mean, I’m rather busy to find one I’d like, and I’d be too busy to take care of it properly once I have it.”

Yuta nodded. The Prince was busy with his work around the palace. If anything, the responsibility of taking care of a dog would fall onto Yuta and the dog handlers. Yuta didn’t know the first thing about taking care of a dog.

“Would you like a dog?”

Yuta almost jumped at the question. He quickly shook his head. “No, I think that having Zennie in the family is enough.”

The Prince laughed quietly, shaking his head.

* * *

The men removed the painting of the landscape and replaced it.

Lady Kim had done a beautiful job. 

It was an odd feeling for Yuta, seeing himself depicted on the canvas. He had a soft expression on his face and he wondered if that’s what he looked like that day or if Lady Kim had put it there herself. Regardless, Yuta looked like a gentleman in the painting and he wanted to thank Lady Kim for it. The details were captured so wonderfully that Yuta felt a strange warmth blossom in his chest when he first saw it. 

The Prince also looked nice in the portrait. He looked regal with the medallions and the sash that indicated he was part of the royal family. His left hand on the hilt of the sword made him look like a gentleman. His expression was serious, lips pulled in a straight line, his head tilted away slightly. The details of his face came into view if one looked close enough. Yuta had easily found the scar by his right eye after inspecting it closely. It was perhaps the only thing that could be seen as imperfect about the Prince on the canvas.

“It is beautiful,” the Princess said with a smile on her face. “Ahyoung has outdone herself with this one.”

“Ahyoung?” Yuta looked at the Princess.

“Lady Kim.” The Princess sighed happily. “If only I could’ve gotten her to paint the portrait of my husband and me when I married. A shame she was only a child at the time.”

Yuta laughed. “We’re very lucky.”

The Princess motioned to the portrait. “Has Taeyong explained what the portrait means?”

Yuta looked at the portrait closer but found nothing else that stood out. It was just them in the room. “He hasn’t. But it symbolizes our union, doesn’t it?”

The Princess sat on the sofa, pursing her lips. “Well, yes, but more than that…”

Yuta was thoroughly confused.

As many of his conversations with the Princess went, he was always left curious and wanting to know more. She was an intelligent woman but unlike her younger brother, who didn’t like teasing people too much, the Princess was always joking and teasing with everyone, leaving Yuta hanging on the edge every time. She reminded him of Sooyoung.

“The holding of right hands,” the Princess started, “is representative of union through marriage. And the flowers… Yuta, do you know what kind of flowers those are?”

Yuta looked at the portrait once more. The flowers were in vases behind them on the mantle of the fireplace. There were plenty of them there. He remembered the maids fixing the flowers before they sat down for the portrait. They had smelled sweet, but all flowers did. There was nothing particularly special about the ones they used for the portrait. “I don’t know.”

“Those flowers are honeysuckles,” she said. “They represent love.”

“Love?”

“Love.”

It changed the meaning of the portrait then. To anyone that saw the portrait, it would look like Yuta and the Prince were a lovely couple, married and in love. It was far from the truth, the love part. Yuta was only now beginning to get closer to the Prince but it would be a while until they were close to being friends. They would never reach the point of being lovers.

“There are many things you don’t know about my brother yet, Yuta,” the Princess said. Her voice was filled with warmth but sounded somewhat distant. “He’s lovelier than you might think.”

The Princess stood, smoothing down her dress. She looked at Yuta with a smile. 

“I have to meet with some members of the court now. Would you be interested in joining?”

Yuta shook his head. “I wouldn’t last in a room full of court members, Your Highness.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “One day, I’ll get you in there.” She moved to the door, opening it. She turned back right before she stepped out. “Please take care.”

She disappeared then and left Yuta thinking.

The Prince was a lovely person. Yuta saw it every day. Maybe the Prince didn’t show that lovely side to Yuta specifically, but Yuta had seen it in how the Prince interacted with his family, with Dongyoung, and even with Zennie.

A knock on the door interrupted Yuta’s thoughts.

“Come in,” he called out.

The door opened and the Prince stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “Hey. I have something.” He held up two envelopes. He made his way to Yuta and sat on the sofa, keeping enough space between them that another person could sit in between them.

The Prince set the envelopes between them, in the space.

“This one is for you,” he said, pointing to one of the envelopes. He pointed to the other envelope. “This is for us.”

Yuta picked up the one for him. It had his name written on it but nothing else. He held it in his lap. “What is the one for us?”

The Prince picked it up and began to pull the seal off. There was a crest on the wax seal but Yuta didn’t recognize it. The Prince pulled out the card from within, reading it. His lips moved as he read. He was smiling by the end of the card.

“It’s a wedding invitation,” the Prince said, meeting Yuta’s eyes. He handed the card over for Yuta to see. “Lady Kang has invited us to her wedding.”

Yuta read the card and sure enough, it was a wedding invitation. There were no over the top formal titles used or mentions of the royal family. Lady Kang had simply written out the Prince’s real name and Yuta’s name. The information told Yuta that the wedding would be held in a few days. They were invited to stay at her family residence for the celebration to avoid the trip back home.

“She wrote Taeyong,” was all Yuta said. He met the Prince’s gaze once more. “She calls you Taeyong?”

The Prince laughed, taking the card back. “She does,” he said. “But it’s how we keep me a secret. If she had written out Your Highness, the Prince, anyone that opened this card would know I am going to the wedding.”

“I don’t understand…”

“No one knows who I am,” the Prince said. “There are very few who know my name so anyone that doesn’t know and reads the guest list or this invitation just sees that Lord Lee and Lord Na that are attending the wedding. Not the Prince and his husband. No one will know it’s me and you.”

Yuta understood it now.

The Prince wasn’t someone that the people knew. The Queen, the Princess, and their husbands were the only ones that could stand in front of the people proudly. The Prince was the one that remained hidden from everyone else. The largest amount of people that had seen him had been at the ceremony, and even then, the group was relatively small compared to the entire population of the kingdom.

Yuta had forgotten about it. Seeing as the Prince walked around the palace freely every day, it seemed that everyone knew of his existence. Everyone here knew of His Highness, Prince Taeyong. But the Prince’s existence was simply confined to the palace.

“Isn’t it hard?” Yuta asked. The Prince raised his eyebrows in question. “Not having anyone know who you are?”

The Prince took Yuta’s hand. His thumb traced circles on the back. “It was when I was younger,” he said softly. “I always wondered why my sister was able to go out and meet everyone, but I had to stay here. Or why I could never tell anyone who I was. I couldn’t even introduce myself to the young princes that came to visit with their families. But it’s an important precaution to keep the family safe. I understood that when I got older. And it’s nicer when nobody knows me. My sister gets too much attention. I don’t think I could’ve handled that if I were the firstborn.”

Yuta hummed. “I think you would’ve handled it fine,” he said quietly. He carefully placed his fingers into the spaces between the Prince’s, squeezing his hand. He tried his best to smile at the Prince. “You would’ve done great, Taeyong.”

The expression that came over the Prince’s face was one Yuta was never on the receiving end of. It was that soft and lovely expression. The one that the Prince used for Hajoon, for his parents, his sister, for Dongyoung and Zennie. Yuta almost pulled away, surprised by the way that the Prince was looking at him, by the way he was holding his hand.

“I’m happy where I am now,” the Prince said. He smiled and Yuta wanted to pull away now.

“Hey…” Yuta murmured, trying to get the Prince to let go. 

He looked at the Prince’s face carefully. He was rather attractive; Yuta had known that from the start. He looked like his sister, both of them the perfect combination of features from their parents. Yuta thought that the Princess was extremely pretty but there was something else about him that made the Prince seem prettier in Yuta’s eyes right now. 

The Prince was younger than his sister by many years, his skin still bright and youthful in his young adulthood. Except for the small scar by his eye, the Prince seemed to have perfect, pale skin, no doubt making many other envious of him.

Yuta cast a glance down at the Prince’s lips. They were full, soft and pink. He looked even further down, tracing the shape of his jawline with his eyes. The Prince’s jawline was sharper than his sister’s, but there was still a round softness to it. Yuta’s eyes trailed back up.

The Prince’s eyebrows were dark and straight, giving him a strong look, but his eyes were always wide and bright. They were gentle and kind. 

He was just beautiful.

Yuta felt his breath catch in his throat. “Taeyong…”

Yuta had only felt the Prince’s lips once before. At least that’s what Yuta had convinced himself of. The only time that he had kissed the Prince was at their wedding ceremony, and that was almost two months ago.

But as they kissed, Yuta allowed himself to remember. The feeling of his hands on his body, fingers digging into his skin as they kissed, tasting the sweet alcohol on each other’s lips. It was the first thing that surfaced in his mind the moment the Prince leaned in.

Yuta wanted to ask himself why. He wanted to know why he reached out, wrapped his fingers around the Prince’s arm and held on tight. He wanted to ask himself why he didn’t try to pull away when the Prince came closer. He wanted to ask why his heart was beating hard in his chest. He wanted to ask why he accepted the Prince’s kiss so readily. But there was only one question running through his mind: why shouldn’t he?

Once again, it was the Prince that pulled away first, leaving Yuta breathless. It felt as if the Prince had taken all the oxygen from his lungs the moment he pulled away. He felt his cheeks and ears burning as he realized the thoughts in his head and what had happened.

“Yuta, I’m sorry,” was the first thing that came tumbling out of his lips. He looked panicked. “Oh, I’m so sorry I did that. I know you don’t… and I―”

The knock on the door startled them both. The Prince jumped away, going back to the end of the sofa. He dropped Yuta’s hand quickly as if Yuta had burned him. Hurt began to bloom inside Yuta’s chest, seeing how the Prince reacted as if he wasn’t the one that made the first move.

Taeil poked his head inside. He blinked owlishly at them. “Yuta, did Taeyong bring you the letter from your mother?”

Yuta’s mouth fell open. He looked at the envelope that had slipped off his lap and onto the sofa. He picked it up, holding it for Taeil to see. “This is from my mother?”

Taeil nodded. “Read it tonight,” he said. “We can have somebody deliver it as soon as your reply is ready.”

Yuta held the envelope a little tighter. Taeil closed the door, his footsteps fading away as he walked back down the hall.

“I’ll leave you to it,” the Prince said, getting up from the sofa. He avoided Yuta’s eyes. “I have to write a response to Lady Kang, to tell her we’re coming.”

“Thank you,” Yuta said carefully.

He watched the Prince leave the room, eyes locked on the ground. He was embarrassed and shy. 

Yuta was equally embarrassed and shy. He kissed him! He had kissed the man so easily! He should’ve pulled away and stopped it when he saw it coming. Allowing the Prince to kiss him and even worse, enjoying it… it was wrong.

The Prince didn’t have any right to feel shy about it, however. He should be embarrassed that he kissed Yuta while knowing that Yuta didn’t intend to kiss him. But he didn’t get to feel shy about it!

Yuta blushed, shaking the thoughts away.

He pulled open the envelope to read the letter that was inside. It was without a doubt from his mother.

* * *

_My dearest son, Yuta,_

_I was overjoyed to receive your letter. We have been waiting to hear from you since we left the palace after the wedding. Our stay there was wonderful and the celebration was spectacular, but you’ve heard this already. We arrived home safely a week later with much fanfare from our neighbors, much to your Papa’s delight._

_There was a celebration held in Modan-ri in honor of your union. It was a splendid event. It was not as luxurious as the celebration you had, but it was beautiful nonetheless. Modan-ri is pleased to have one of our own people hold a distinct place in the palace. Everyone here wishes you happiness in your marriage. Many people brought gifts to congratulate us, so I must thank you and your husband. We have received many things for the home and plenty of food. It’s unfortunate to know that both of you will not see them even though they are for you._

_Furthermore, I’m saddened to hear that your trip to the south was cut short and even more saddened to hear the reason why. The news reached Modan-ri shortly after it happened and your letter only confirmed the news to us. Only a month has elapsed since then. It must still be hard for everyone there. Please support them the best that you can. They are your family, Yuta. Beyond being the rulers of the land, they are family._

_And speaking of family, it is with much pleasure that I inform you that the family is growing in Modan-ri. Momoka has found out that she is with child. We have concluded that she is nearing three months. Her marriage has been blessed by the Heavens. She is very happy, but Yonghoon is the happiest. He hopes for a little girl. If we are correct about the time, the baby will be born in the springtime. To have a girl born in spring would be wonderful. Momoka likes the name Haruhi, for a beautiful spring princess. Yonghoon likes the name Chunhwa, for a beautiful spring flower. I rather like the name Haruka, but Yonghoon wanted the name to be read as Chunhwa._

_I hope for a boy, however. I raised two beautiful girls but only had the opportunity to have only one beautiful boy. To have another boy to take care of would be best for me now that you can take care of yourself and live far away from us._

_I always knew that Momoka would give me my first grandchild. She is the oldest and she has been with Yonghoon for many years now. But I always hoped that it would be you to give me my second. I am aware that you maybe would’ve liked to give Papa and I a grandchild as well. When you were a child, you used to tell us you and your future wife would give us a beautiful little girl as a grandchild. You had this name you liked, but it escapes my mind these days. If I remember, I will write it in a future letter. But it was a beautiful name, dear._

_The situation has changed since then, hasn’t it? You may not be able to give us that beautiful granddaughter anymore, but I hope you know that many other things remain the same. I hope that you know that my love and support for you is unchanging, as is Papa’s love and support for you. There is nothing in the world that can change those feelings, dear. Momoka and Haruna also love you the same as they always have. You will always remain their brother and you will always remain our son. And even if your future will not be as you thought it would, I hope that you remain the same beautiful, happy boy that we raised._

_It occurred to me on our trip back that perhaps you would feel distressed about the union and perhaps still are struggling to accept it. My heart was eased at the arrival of your letter, but I can still sense some hesitation and distress. I am your mother, so even if you are on the other side of the earth, I can feel these things; I know my son. So I am writing to assure you that there is no need to be distressed. The union between a man and a man is not common but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen. Papa and I have known many partners over our years that have happily lived side by side their entire lives. Your Papa’s youngest brother had a wonderful partner back home, so we are more familiar with this type of relationship than you think. While your union with him was sudden and took us by surprise, there is no judgment from us, my sweet boy. There is no issue with living beside another man._

_He is your family now, Yuta. We are your family, yes, and his family is your second family, yes, but he is your family differently. The Queen can’t tell you what to do, and I can’t tell you what to do, not anymore. You have come together to create your own small family of two and it will be the two of you that decide how your family turns out to be. Just like Papa and I made our family, or how the Queen and the King made theirs._

_So, as I said before, you must support him the best that you can._

_He is your husband, and as such, he requires your unconditional support. Both of you have committed and have vowed to stand beside one another until death. I know that you might be worried, but I also know that he is a good man. I can feel it. This is another instinct a mother has. I knew that Yonghoon was right for Momoka, and I know that he is good for you, Yuta. If you give him the support that he needs, he will return it to you tenfold. If you come to love him, and I hope you do someday, he will return that love tenfold._

_A partner like that, romantic or not, is worth having and worth keeping by your side. A partner like that is worth creating a family with. I hope you come to see that, Yuta._

_Please take care of yourself. We hope to hear from you soon._

_Mama_

* * *

The seventh day meant that Yuta and the Prince were to join the rest of the royal family for dinner. Unlike their usual dinner held in the dining hall on the ground floor, the Queen had her private dining hall on the ground floor. It was a small room with very little decoration. There was only a family portrait depicting a young Queen, her husband, and two young children hung on the white paneled walls. There was a table large enough to seat ten people, which was more than enough for the seven of them. There was a small trio of musicians that played in the corner and more importantly, there were no spectators allowed.

Because they weren’t so scrutinized, Yuta learned that the conversation seemed to flow more openly between the family.

“Hajoon, what did you learn today?” the Queen asked.

Hajoon was quick to respond. “Jungwoo-hyung taught me new numbers! I can count to fifty now,” he said excitedly. “Let me show you!”

The Prince and Yuta watched as Hajoon began to recite the numbers, counting off on his little fingers. His grandparents watched him with smiles on their faces. On either side of Hajoon, his parents were also watching him fondly. They had all paused eating to hear Hajoon count off the numbers. No one rushed him or corrected him when he stumbled. If Hajoon missed one, he was quick to correct himself.

“That was wonderful,” the Queen said when he finished. She clapped her hands and the look on Hajoon’s face was one of satisfaction. “Soon, you’ll be able to count to one hundred!”

“I’ll show you when I can!” he replied.

The Princess hushed him and got him to eat again. Dinner resumed then, everyone picking up their utensils.

The cook had prepared various soups and beef dishes that were rich and delicious. The family dinners seemed to be the only place where Yuta and the Prince enjoyed the non-traditional dishes since they had gotten comfortable eating more simple dishes for their meals. Yuta tried not to eat too quickly, counting how many times he chewed before swallowing and picking up more food. 

“Yuta,” the Princess said, catching his attention, “How is your family? Taeil said you received a letter from your mother?”

“Ah, yes,” Yuta replied. “My family is doing well. They thank you for the celebration. They enjoyed their time here very much.”

“They are free to visit whenever they like,” the Queen interjected. “They are family, _you_ are family. It would be a pleasure to see your parents and your sisters once more sometime soon.”

Yuta laughed. “I’m afraid that’s not possible…”

He was met with four curious glances. Hajoon seemed to not be paying attention and the Prince seemed to already know what was going on. Before someone could ask why that was, the Prince cleared his throat.

“Yuta’s mother has informed him that his older sister is with child.”

The Princess and the Queen gasped, bringing a hand to their mouths.

“Is she now? How far along is she?”

“Three months,” Yuta answered. “It would be dangerous to travel so far and so long. Perhaps after the baby is born, they would like to come.”

“Of course!” The Queen was smiling widely. “I wish your sister luck! This is your mother’s first grandchild?”

“It will be.”

“Having a grandchild is such a wonderful thing,” she said dreamily. She looked towards her daughter. “If I could get another one…”

“Mother!” The Princess was blushing and her husband was laughing beside her.

“We’ll try, just for you,” he said. “Hayoon and I will try our best.”

The Queen laughed. “Do that!” she exclaimed. She looked towards Yuta and the Prince. “I hope that you two will look into having a child.”

This time it was the Prince that was blushing. He coughed, trying not to choke on his food. “Mother!”

“What?” she asked innocently. “There are plenty of children that need homes and bringing one into your family will only strengthen your bond. Hayoon’s birth strengthened your father and I’s marriage.”

The Prince’s father, the King, nodded. He was a quiet man, never really speaking much. Yuta had not interacted with him much apart from dinner or passing him in the halls. Yuta didn’t expect him to say more. He was surprised when the older man cleared his throat, setting down his utensils.

“Hayoon’s birth was a blessing to your mother and me,” he said. He looked at the Prince. “Taeyong, your child will be your child regardless of where it came from, and that love will not be any less just because they are not of your blood.”

“I understand, Father,” the Prince replied.

The King turned to Yuta. “The words extend to you as well, Yuta,” he said. “It would be a blessing to have another grandchild, and I’m sure your parents would love to have another shortly after your sister gives birth.”

“We’ll sincerely consider it,” Yuta replied with a bow of his head.

Beside him, the Prince almost choked once again. Yuta placed his hand on top of his. He met the eyes of the Queen and King, both of them had pleased expressions on their faces.

The conversation ended there, and Yuta easily joined the conversation of the new plants being brought into the garden. He had decided to set aside some of his allowance to buy some new flowers that were to be planted in the west end of the garden. Taeil was delighted to put in the order for him but was disappointed when he found out the flowers Yuta wanted were just white chrysanthemums. They were Haruna’s favorite flower, and during their walk in the garden all those weeks ago, she had pointed out that there were yellow and violet chrysanthemums, but no white. Apart from Yuta’s white chrysanthemums, the Princess’s husband brought in a variety of new trees and the Queen had a few different flowers she wanted to introduce to the garden for the season.

It was easy to speak to the family, and Yuta enjoyed it. Even as they finished and the Princess allowed Juhyun to take Hajoon up for bed, Yuta wanted to continue speaking to them. But when the Queen invited them to drink in one of the entertaining rooms, Yuta felt like he had to refuse.

“I’m rather tired.”

She gave him a motherly smile. “Sleep well, dear.”

The Prince held Yuta’s hand as they went back to their room. As they reached the second floor, Yuta felt the warmth slip away.

“Would you like a child, Yuta?”

“What?” Yuta stopped. He looked at the Prince. “What did you say?”

“My mother…” He sighed. “We don’t have to have a child, you know. At least not now.”

Yuta blinked. “It’s all right,” he said. He took the Prince’s hand again. “We don’t have to have one now. I know that.”

“But you would like one?”

He met the Prince’s eyes. He was genuinely curious. 

When Yuta was young, he had always dreamed of having a family of his own. He imagined living in the house his parents built with his wife. They would have a beautiful baby girl. He would love that baby girl.

There was no doubt that Yuta wanted to be a father one day. He always wondered what it would be like. As a child, he had seen the way that his parents looked at him and his sisters. He had seen the way other parents looked at their children.

And tonight, he had seen the way that the Princess and her husband had looked at Hajoon. It was pure love.

Yuta wanted to know what that love was like. His mother always told him it was a love that exceeded everything else in life. No love could compare. Even if the child was not of his blood, Yuta wanted to feel it.

“I would, yes.”

“You told me that you wanted a girl. You said your mother reminded you of that.”

They walked up the stairs to the third floor quietly. There was no one in the hall as they made their way back to the room at the end.

“I did,” Yuta finally answered, taking the Prince off guard. “I do.”

“And there was a name you liked?”

The Prince pushed opened the door to the room, turning to look at Yuta over his shoulder, waiting.

“It was Shiho,” Yuta replied as he stepped inside. He was pulled along by the Prince, through the antechamber with their portrait and into the bedchamber. “My mother can’t remember it, but I can.”

“Isn’t that a boy’s name?” the Prince asked, dropping Yuta’s hand. He sat on the bed. “Siho?”

“Not Siho.” Yuta shook his head. “ _Shiho_.”

“Shiho,” the Prince repeated, slower. “It’s a beautiful name. A treasured princess.”

Yuta felt himself smile. “Exactly.” He looked at him. “How did you know that?”

“It’s easy to guess,” the Prince replied. He smiled.

“Is that so?” Yuta hummed. 

“Of course.” There was a pause. The Prince cleared his throat. The smile disappeared. “Well, it’s late. We’re leaving tomorrow afternoon. Are you going to write a letter to your mother?”

Yuta straightened up. “I am,” he said. He turned around. Hesitantly, he spoke again. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” came the reply.

Yuta stepped back out into the antechamber. There was a writing desk with fresh paper, a pen, and a new inkwell. He made his way to it and sat down, pulling a new sheet from the small stack. He picked up the pen.

He took a deep breath before dipping the tip of the pen in the inkwell and bringing it to the ivory paper in front of him.

* * *

_Mother,_

_I received your letter well. I am glad to hear that everyone arrived home safely. And even happier to hear about the celebration held in our honor. The Prince was delighted to hear about it. I am not sure when we will visit, or if we can, but please hold onto the gifts for us. I would like to see them at least once. They are yours to keep, Mother. There is no lack of resources here; there would be little purpose in bringing them back with us. We would just like to see them to thank everyone for their well-wishes._

_Moreover, I am overjoyed to hear that Nee-chan is with child. Joo-nii and Nee-chan must be thrilled. I told the Prince shortly after reading your letter a few days ago, and we have informed the rest of the family over dinner tonight. Her Majesty passes her congratulations to you. She wanted to have everyone visit but we decided that such a trip would be better next year._

_Winter is coming and the snowfall and cold will make travel difficult. I hope that everyone remains safe. I have ensured that plenty of the money I received for this month has been set aside for you. Please use it to buy thick blankets and coats from the Lady in Dongsu-ri. There is also enough to buy food that will last through the harsher months. Should you need more, please tell me, Mother. I have no use for the money here and Taeil insists that it needs to be spent each month. I send a large portion of it to charities and the remainder shall go to you. Only this month have I used a little to purchase flowers for the gardens. The flowers are Haruna’s favorite. If you visit during the summer, they will be in full bloom._

_Speaking of blooms, I feel as though something strange has happened. Mother, I was apprehensive at first, but I’m afraid that I have gotten myself accustomed to this new life rather quickly. I sincerely miss the entire family, my friends, and Mina. I have not forgotten where I came from and I never will. However, I feel as though I’ve settled into my life here quicker than I thought I would._

_I have made friends with Taeil since we are together on most days. Furthermore, I have gotten closer to Prince Hajoon. He is my nephew now, but he feels like a younger brother, something akin to what Donghyuck was like when we were younger. I have even gotten closer to the rest of the family. The Princess and her husband remind me of Lady Sooyoung and her husband, who I have always seen as older siblings. And in the Queen and King, I see you and Father. But my husband is a different story._

_Mother, I am unsure of what has happened. I am reaching the end of my third month here and seem to be getting closer to everyone but him. I was hesitant at first, but we talked during our trip. I told you this. He said he wanted to know me. Since then, I have tried my best. I told you about the Princess I read about. I am trying to be supportive, I am trying to care. I have shown parts of myself to him, parts of myself that even you might not know, and it seems as though we are still living in different worlds._

_But there are moments, Mother. There are moments when everything feels right, as it should. There is something there, but the moment I feel like it’s going to finally bloom, he pulls himself back. I admit, I pull myself back sometimes, but it is not the same, is it?_

_You said it was okay. But I still feel wrong during those moments. It’s overwhelming and I can’t think straight when we are too close. The blood rushes to my head and my heart begins to pound in my chest. An odd feeling stirs deep within my chest. I can’t comprehend it. Mother, I wish I could talk to you directly. I feel like a lost child in need of comfort. Is this sense of guilt going to eat at me for the rest of my life?_

* * *

The trip from the palace to the Kang family’s home was only a few hours long. They reached the large manor just as the sun was beginning to fall over the horizon. They were greeted by several maids and footmen, all going to pick up their luggage. The head maid and butler greeted them and began leading them to their rooms.

The Prince walked ahead of Yuta. He had his hands behind his back and as Yuta followed, he stared at the Prince’s hands. Something was missing. Yuta wondered when he had gotten used to the sight and the feeling of it. There was little indication that the Prince was supposed to be wearing a ring, the finger that usually held the band was as pale as the rest of his hand.

The missing band was a little more noticeable on Yuta’s hand. There was the slightest break in his skin, a paler band of skin around his finger where it usually sat. It was nothing one could notice just by looking at him. Yuta noticed it only because he had looked at his fingers carefully.

Yuta paid little attention to the Kang manor, too focused on the Prince in front of him.

He almost bumped right into him, not having noticed they stopped.

“Lord Lee, this is your room,” the butler was saying. He eyed Yuta for a second. “Lord Na, your room is this one, to the right.”

The butler explained a few things, but Yuta still couldn’t focus. He simply nodded and then bowed when the older man excused himself.

“Dinner is being served soon,” the Prince said, snapping Yuta out of his trance. “Are you all right, Yuta?”

Yuta shook his head. “I’m fine,” he said. He cleared his throat. “I’m a little dizzy is all. I don’t think I’m well enough to join you for dinner. Is that all right?”

The Prince looked at him with an unreadable expression. “It’s all right. I’ll tell Lady Kang you’ve fallen ill. Let me help you in to your room at least.”

Yuta held up a hand, stopping the Prince from touching him. “I’m fine,” he said curtly. “Please, you’ll be late for dinner.”

Yuta went into his room and found the washroom.

The water in the pitcher was cold and fresh as he poured it into the basin and then splashed some on his face. He pushed his hair back and stood straighter, looking at himself in the mirror propped over the washbasin.

He did look ill. His skin was paler than usual and his eyes looked tired. He sighed. He felt tired. Even though they were well into autumn, the sun was still hot. It had been scorching in the carriage, especially in the suit he was wearing. The heat was enough to make him feel exhausted.

He found his luggage and dressed down to his shirt, putting the suit he was wearing away. He scanned the bookshelf that was against the wall for a book but found nothing. He settled into the bed after half an hour, hoping that he would be able to sleep easily.

He tossed and turned for what seemed like an hour. He kept his eyes closed, however, wishing that the darkness behind his eyelids would be enough to lure him into sleep. It was pointless.

As comfortable as the bed was and as tired as he was, something was missing. Just like the ring on his finger was missing, Yuta knew that a certain presence in the bed was missing. He hoped that he would get tired enough that he didn’t care but he wasn’t certain how long it would take before that happened. Another hour seemed to pass and still, Yuta was unable to sleep, very aware that he could even hear the thrumming of his blood as it ran through his body.

“Yuta?”

His eyes opened and he shot up in the bed, turning to find the Prince. He was standing beside the bed, a worried look on his face.

“Taeyong?”

“Are you all right?” The Prince reached out and placed a hand on Yuta’s forehead, frowning. “You feel fine. Are you just tired? Did our lunch upset your stomach?”

“I think I’m just tired,” Yuta replied. He let out a sigh of content at the warmth he felt from the Prince’s hand against his forehead. “But I can’t sleep.”

“Why’s that?”

Yuta looked around. “I’m not sure,” he replied quietly. “I sleep fine usually.”

“Well, at home, you have a huge bed with the softest silk blankets to keep you warm. I know that guest rooms in most manors don’t usually have those accommodations. Have you gotten too used to living like that already?” the Prince said teasingly. There was a smile on his face, the one where one part of his lips rose a little higher than the rest of his lips. It was the closest thing the Prince had to a smirk. The Prince moved his hand from Yuta’s forehead to his cheek, cupping his face. “That’s no good, is it?”

Yuta felt himself smile sleepily. “Maybe,” he said. Yuta wrapped his fingers around the Prince’s wrist, to make sure the Prince didn’t pull away for once. This was a moment. Yuta would not let it go. “But at home… I also have you with me. Maybe I’ve gotten too used to that.”

It was quiet enough that Yuta heard how the Prince’s breath caught in his throat. He tried to pull away, but Yuta held onto him. The Prince kept his hand on Yuta’s cheek. He looked into Yuta’s eyes. “Do you want me to stay here?” he asked after a moment.

“Would you? If I asked?”

“I’d do anything if you ask.”

“Please,” Yuta said, holding onto the Prince’s wrist even tighter. “Stay here tonight.”

The reply came immediately, without hesitation. “Okay.”

The Prince helped Yuta get comfortable before disappearing into the washroom. He returned a few minutes later dressed down to his shirt. He set aside his used suit and pulled back the blankets on the other side of the bed.

“Would you like me to put the pillows back on the bed?”

Yuta hummed, already rolling onto his side to feel the warmth. “It’s okay,” he murmured. He blinked a few times, trying to make out the Prince’s face in the dark. “Just sleep.”

“I’ll just put one.”

When the Prince placed the pillow down, Yuta immediately grabbed it, wrapping his arms around it. He sighed, closing his eyes.

“Goodnight, Yuta.”

Yuta barely mumbled back a reply, already feeling the sleep come over him. The warmth beside him was comforting, constant and reliable. He had a dreamless sleep.

The sun was barely rising when he woke hours later. His arms were still wrapped around the pillow, his face buried in it, but there was something else. Over his arm, there was something. It was heavy and it went all the way around him.

He pulled his face back from the pillow and opened his eyes.

He nearly gasped as he saw the Prince’s face right there. He was still sleeping, eyes closed and lips slightly parted with his steady, heavy breathing.

Yuta could see how his long eyelashes touched the tops of his cheeks, and how smooth and soft his skin looked. His hair fell over his forehead, the tips touching the hair of his eyebrows. Yuta looked at his soft pink lips and felt how the puffs of hot air hit his face every time he exhaled. 

He tried to pull back, but something held him in place. He looked down at his body and found the Prince’s arm over him, holding him in place.

Yuta looked back at the Prince. He still felt half-asleep.

There was no other way to explain how Yuta felt beside still being in his half-sleep daze. 

Yuta had gotten used to sleeping beside the Prince. He had gotten used to seeing him awake first thing in the morning. But seeing him sleeping was nothing Yuta had seen before. The Prince was always awake by the time that Yuta was up and ready to prepare for the day. There was something in his chest that ached at this new sight.

He held his breath, unsure of what to do. He was so close to the Prince. How long had it been since they were this close? Since their trip to the south? No, Yuta thought, they had been this close merely a week ago. They had kissed last week.

Last week, Yuta had noticed something.

He carefully reached up to touch the Prince’s face. His fingertips barely brushed against his skin, but it was enough to wake the Prince. His wide eyes fluttered opened slowly. His lips turned down into a soft pout.

“Yuta?”

Yuta quickly pulled his hand down. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Is the sun up?” the Prince asked quietly.

“It is,” Yuta replied, keeping his volume low as well.

The Prince hummed. A smile spread across his face. “Did you sleep well?”

It was the question he asked Yuta every morning. He would already be sitting up in bed, ready to jump out and let Dongyoung prepare him for the day. His voice was usually steady and his eyes would already be alert and awake. But this morning, it was different.

“I did,” Yuta replied.

This morning, the Prince was still half-asleep, eyes still a little droopy and his voice still slow and laced with drowsiness.

“We should get ready,” the Prince said softly. “The wedding is today.”

Without Taeil and Dongyoung, the Prince and Yuta had to dress themselves. The suits that were made for the wedding were red with gold embroidery, showing that they came from the palace. 

Yuta fixed his hair a little in the mirror. There was a knock on the door and he turned in time to see the butler opening the door.

“Lord Lee,” he said, surprised.

Yuta moved his gaze to the Prince, who was buckling his shoes on the sofa. He looked up and smiled at the butler.

“Good morning,” he said. “Is breakfast ready?”

“Y-yes,” the butler replied. His eyes moved from Yuta to the Prince once again. “Breakfast has been prepared.”

“We’ll be right down then.”

* * *

Lady Kang’s family had prepared a grandiose party that followed the ceremony. The food was similar to what was served at Yuta’s wedding celebration with the Prince, but it still lacked that palace feeling. Yuta enjoyed the food well, eating until he felt like he would burst. Beside him, the Prince seemed to only poke and prod at his food with his fork.

They had eaten about two hours ago and the staff at the Kang manor were now running around with chalices of different alcohols and trays with sweet desserts. Yuta had taken a glass of sparkling dessert wine to accompany a slice of cake and candied fruit he had been served. Everything was rather sweet and though he enjoyed sweet things, he barely managed to eat half of the cake.

He drank plenty of the wine though. He slowed himself, not wanting to do anything embarrassing at such an important event. He asked for water every time someone came by to refill his drink. If he let himself go and did something similar to what he did the last time he was drunk, the Prince and he would probably be found out.

Yuta sighed, taking a sip from his chalice.

The Prince had assured Yuta that they would not be found out. At the ceremony, they sat in different areas. The Prince sat closer to the front with Lady Kang’s close friends and Yuta sat somewhere in the middle, surrounded by acquaintances of the family and extended family members. No one asked Yuta who he was or why he was there, which he expected. All the attention had been on Lady Kang and her new wife.

The ceremony had been amazing. Both ladies had worn large, beautiful white gowns decorated with gold. Their hair had been pulled up and while Lady Kang had white flowers in her hair, the other woman had small jewels. They both looked overjoyed as they met at the end of the aisle before the priest, bright smiles on their faces and cheeks tinged pink.

It had been the first time Yuta had truly seen Lady Kang. She was an exquisite woman. She was thin with pale skin. Her eyes were round with a distinct curve to them, soft brown in the sunlight. Her lips were smaller, but still round and full. The way that she smiled made her eyes look like half-moons on her face and the apples of her cheeks rose up and seemed to touch the eyelashes on the bottoms of her eyes.

The smile was directed to the other beautiful woman. Yuta had heard her name once, but couldn’t remember it now. She was just as beautiful as Lady Kang was. She was also a thin and pale woman but her face was a little rounder than Lady Kang’s. Everything seemed to be softer about her. Her wide eyes had a softer curve to them and were more prominent on her face, brown eyes filled with a mess of emotions. Her lips were fuller and turned up at the corners a little. But just like Lady Kang, her smile made her eyes close and her cheeks rise, giving her a sweet and innocent appearance. 

Their expressions to each other were the same. It was the expression of pure happiness and love.

Even now at the celebration, Yuta could see that those looks had not left their faces. Both ladies danced in the center of the floor, surrounded by their guests. Their dresses seemed to shimmer under the chandelier, swaying back and forth with their movements.

The feeling of the entire celebration was much different than the feeling Yuta had during his own. Lady Kang was truly happy, sincerely in love with this woman. He was certain everyone in the room could feel how strongly Lady Kang’s feelings were. There was no doubting that this couple was meant to be.

Yuta had danced and laughed earlier, joined the merriment and met many of the ladies that were invited. He could tell that they were interested in him; one had even asked if he was looking into getting married soon. He bit his tongue, holding back the answer that he was already married. Instead, he told her that he wouldn’t be married soon due to his job and then took her back to her seat. He had been sitting since then, simply watching everyone enjoy themselves.

After the feast, the Prince had been quick to invite both of the brides to dance. He had danced with Lady Kang for a while before taking her wife onto the floor. Yuta had lost sight of him then and he still couldn’t find him amongst the crowd despite looking for nearly an hour.

His eyes were on a young couple dancing when someone sat next to him. He pulled his gaze away from the couple, hoping to see the Prince beside him but he found Lady Kang instead. She was smiling at him.

“Are you truly that disappointed to see me?” she asked. “That look that fell over your face… Were you expecting someone else?”

“No,” Yuta replied, turning away from her. “I wasn’t, Lady Kang.”

“Please,” she said, putting her hand on his bicep. He turned back to her. “My name is Seulgi.”

He took in the information. He had never heard the Prince or anyone else use her real name. It was pretty. “This is a very beautiful celebration,” he said.

She laughed. “Thank you. My parents put it all together,” she said. She was looking around. “They made it beautiful even though they said they were against the wedding.”

Yuta didn’t ask about it. From the few things the Prince said, Lady Kang had to fight to get the chance to marry and he had helped her. Yuta wasn’t sure, but it also wasn’t his business to know.

“Congratulations,” Yuta said instead. He smiled. “I wish you and your wife happiness.”

Lady Kang smiled. “Thank you, Yuta,” she said. She looked towards the floor. Her expression changed. “Seungwan and I have known each other since we were young ladies. To know that I can spend the rest of my life with her, the woman I love… I feel truly blessed. Thank you.”

Yuta was surprised. First, she had used his name. He had met her once before but he hadn’t spoken to her then. Yet she said his name as if they were close friends. Second, the look on her face was painfully familiar to the Prince’s. When had the Prince had such a look on his face? Yuta couldn’t remember.

She looked back at him. “I wish you happiness in your marriage,” she said. 

“Lady Kang…”

“Lady Kang is my mother. I told you, my name is Seulgi,” she teased.

Yuta was flustered. “Lady Seulgi…”

She laughed again. “It’s all right,” she said. “No one is here, see?”

She motioned around and Yuta saw that hardly anyone was still sitting down. Everyone was dancing or walking around with drinks in their hands.

“Still,” Yuta said. “Isn’t it dangerous?”

“We’re fine,” she insisted. “If it makes you feel better, we can take a walk?”

“All right.” Yuta stood and offered his arm to Lady Seulgi.

They walked out of the large ballroom. Yuta briefly looked at the floor and spotted the Prince, a young lady in his arms. He pulled his gaze away when Lady Seulgi tugged on his arm.

Lady Seulgi led them to a secluded balcony. There was no one nearby. She told Yuta it was because the balcony was located near her private rooms.

“I have heard a lot about you,” Lady Seulgi said, sitting down on a stone bench in the center of the balcony.

Yuta sat beside her, keeping his hands on his knees. “Have you?”

“Taeyong is much lovelier than you think,” she said with a nod.

It was the second time Yuta had heard that about the Prince. But Yuta already knew how lovely the Prince was. How much more could he be?

“You might not know much about him yet, but he’s a great man,” she continued. “Had I not married Seungwan, it would have been an honor to marry him. We were supposed to be married, did you know that?”

Yuta nodded. “I did,” he replied. “He told me after we got married.”

“He was kind enough to not ask me to marry him, even after I rudely rejected him. I told him I wanted to marry Seungwan and he supported me, even though he could have easily forced my parents to accept my engagement to him. He’s not that kind of man,” she said. “He never has been.”

They said nothing for a few minutes. The sounds of the party were closed away inside. The outside was quiet. Unlike the palace, the Kang manor didn’t have the large fountains that could be heard from anywhere outside. There was only the gentle breeze rustling the leaves of the trees nearby.

“He writes to me,” Lady Seulgi said finally.

Yuta turned to her, surprised. He didn’t know how the Prince spent their time apart. Yuta knew he met with court members and listened to people drone on and on for hours every day. He also knew that the Prince went on hunting trips, not to hunt, but to rest every few weeks. He spent some time with Hajoon and sometimes with Zennie in the gardens. Yuta didn’t know much else of what the Prince did in his free time, however.

“It would be wrong of me to invade his privacy and tell you exactly what he writes, but he does write about you,” she confessed. “He takes care of you, Yuta. He takes care of you more than you might know or think. He’s written about how you spend your days, at least it’s what he can gather from Taeil. And he picks up on little things about you. He’s always been observant like that, always seeing the small details of someone. I hope it doesn’t disturb you that he does that; it’s in his nature to do so. He also wishes he could be with you more. He wants to see those little things himself and wants to spend the day with you, doing what you want to. He’s told me that as well.”

Yuta felt himself blush. His entire face was burning. He was glad that it was dark. Lady Seulgi wouldn’t be able to see him.

He knew that the Prince was someone that noticed a lot about the things around him. The Prince knew how to read the room quite well and he also knew how to read a person. He picked up on those small things. The Prince noticed when his sister was troubled through the slightest movements. He noticed Hajoon’s restlessness easily when the young prince was forced to sit and listen to Jungwoo for too long. The Prince could sense when Dongyoung wanted something or when Taeil needed something. But Yuta didn’t know that the Prince was like that towards him.

“I think…” Lady Seulgi sighed. “He’s a good man, Yuta. I know this. And I know that Taeyong wouldn’t…”

“It’s all right,” Yuta said when he noticed she was struggling with her words. “There’s no need to―”

“If you could see how he writes about you, Yuta, you would understand,” Lady Seulgi interrupted. Yuta couldn’t make out her face clearly but he could see her eyes in the dim moonlight. They were shining with tears. He almost panicked. “I truly hope that you find happiness by his side.”

“I’m―”

The door behind them opened and a soft voice came from the inside. “Seulgi?”

They turned and found Lady Seulgi’s wife, Lady Seungwan, there. The light behind her made her look like a dark silhouette, but Yuta recognized her voice from earlier. Beside him, Lady Seulgi wiped her tears and stood up.

“Seungwan,” she said, going to her.

The young woman looked towards Yuta. “Is this…?”

“Yuta,” Lady Seulgi confirmed. “We should go back.”

Yuta cleared his throat. He stood up. “Of course.”

He followed behind Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan. They were holding hands and speaking quietly. He couldn’t hear what they were saying but he was sure they weren’t talking about him, given how they were smiling and giggling at each other.

They entered the ballroom, where the party was still in full swing. Lady Seulgi paused, coming back to take Yuta’s arm and lead him back to his seat. She sat down beside him and on her other side was Lady Seungwan. She offered him his chalice, filled to the brim with wine.

He took it graciously and took a sip, careful not to spill some on himself. It was a sweet wine. Yuta never had anything like it before.

He looked back towards the floor where all of the guests were still dancing. He spotted the Prince this time. From beside him, Lady Seulgi seemed to spot him as well.

The Prince seemed comfortable where he was, with a young lady on each arm. The young women were giggling, their cheeks tinged pink. He was smiling at them fondly. He leaned down, brought his lips to the ear of the young lady on his right. He said something that made her blush even more, sending her into another fit of giggles. She clutched onto his arm tighter.

Yuta felt Lady Seulgi’s hand on top of his but he didn’t turn to look at her. He couldn’t.

The young woman on the Prince’s arm stood on her tip-toes, kissing his cheek. The Prince laughed. Everything seemed to stop around Yuta as he watched. The sound of the music seemed to fade out and everyone else became a mere blur. It was like slow motion when the Prince leaned down to kiss the young lady on her cheek.

Everything snapped back into place after he pulled back. The music hit Yuta’s ears full force and he was aware of everyone surrounding him.

“Yuta?”

He turned to Lady Seulgi. “I apologize. I think I’m rather tired already,” he said stiffly. He carefully moved his hand away, Lady Seulgi’s hand dropping. He stood, gave Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan a bow. “Congratulations again.”

Lady Seulgi almost got up after him, called out his name. Lady Seungwan held back her wife, telling her something. Lady Seulgi sat back down reluctantly. Yuta walked out of the ballroom.

He found his room after almost half an hour. He stumbled inside, closing the door behind him. He wanted to lock it but couldn’t figure out how to do so. He left it, frustrated.

Yuta stripped down, tossing his suit aside. He would pick it up in the morning.

The feeling coursing through him was unexplainable. What was it?

He clenched his fists as he went to bed. He tossed the pillows off, pulled back the blankets, and got in bed. But he couldn’t sleep.

This feeling was going to keep him up. _What was it?_

Yuta sat up, groaning.

He thought back. The Prince was with two young ladies. He let one of them kiss him, and then he kissed her. Why? Yuta was curious, but he also didn’t want to know. He didn’t need to know. The Prince had promised Yuta he would be loyal, and Yuta didn’t want to doubt him but he didn’t know what to think.

Tonight, they were not married. In the eyes of everyone at the celebration, Lord Na and Lord Lee were simply members of the palace court, not related to each other in any other way whatsoever. Whatever the Prince did was not Yuta’s business.

Would the Prince bring that young woman up to his room? Would Yuta hear it through the walls?

Yuta clenched his fists around the blankets. The thought was infuriating. He was angry. The feeling running through his blood was pure anger. But why?

He blinked. There was something on his cheeks. He lifted a hand and touched his cheek. It was wet. He was crying. But _why_?

He sat there for a few minutes, letting the tears fall from his eyes. Yuta never cried over things this foolish. Why was he crying, what was he crying for?

They stopped eventually and Yuta sniffled. He laid back down, closing his eyes. His eyelids felt heavier now that he had finished crying and the anger that had been coursing through him dissipated, replaced by a heavy sense of sadness and loneliness.

He was awoken in the middle of the night by some movement. He could hear shuffling footsteps. He felt the other side of the bed sink in as someone got in. There was a warmth beside him now.

The Prince.

Yuta opened his eyes slowly. It was dark. The light coming from the chamberstick was hardly enough to let him see the person beside him but Yuta knew it was him.

He stayed quiet as his eyesight adjusted to the darkness of the room. He was still tired and he could fall back asleep any moment now.

The Prince laid down after a moment. Yuta closed his eyes when he saw the Prince turning towards him. He tried to keep his breathing steady as he felt the Prince’s hand on his face. The tips of his fingers were soft and gentle as they ran over his cheek in a small caress.

There was movement and then Yuta felt it.

He tried to stay as still as possible. His heart pounded in his chest. He was wide awake now.

Yuta could taste the sweet wine on the Prince’s soft lips.

When the Prince pulled away, Yuta felt the Prince run his fingers through his hair. It reminded Yuta of his mother and he couldn’t help but lean into his touch.

“Goodnight, Yuta,” the Prince murmured.

Yuta wished he hadn’t heard the next words that left his mouth.

“I love you.”

* * *

Yuta carefully slipped the wedding band back onto his finger. He held out his hand to admire it. He had become too used to having it on his finger and even though it was only symbolic, he had to admit it was still a beautiful thing to have.

“It just feels right, doesn’t it?”

Yuta looked at Taeil. “It does, somehow.”

“It looks right,” Taeil said, admiring it as well. “It felt odd seeing you without it.”

It felt odd not having it. But Yuta wouldn’t admit that to Taeil. He just nodded, dropping his hand back down to his side. He motioned to the papers on the table with his other hand.

“And this is the allowance for this month?” he asked.

Taeil straightened up. He collected the papers and put them in order. He handed the one on top to Yuta. “Here is the overall amount,” he said. “You can spend it as you wish.”

It was more this month. Yuta raised his eyebrows. He glanced at Taeil. “I have more.”

“Yes,” Taeil confirmed. “We’re entering the tenth month.”

“And?”

“It was thought that you would like to purchase something for your birthday. It is this coming month,” Taeil said.

Yuta hummed, setting the paper down. “I know my birthday is this month,” he said.

They were about a week away from the first day of the tenth month. Yuta’s birthday was on the twenty-fifth day, still a few weeks away. He was aware of this.

“Please tell me how you would like to spend the money this month,” Taeil said gently. “Come find me later.”

The older man got up and left the library, closing the door behind him.

Yuta picked up the pen from the desk and dipped it into the inkwell. The pen hovered over the paper for a moment before he brought it down, writing out what he wanted his money to go to. Like always, he set forty percent to charity and forty percent to his family. It left him with twenty percent.

For the eighth month, he had split the allowance evenly between his family and the charities he wanted to contribute to. During the ninth month, he had used only ten percent to purchase the new flowers for the garden and whatever was leftover from that went towards a couple of books he wanted. This month, he was at a loss.

He sat there for a few minutes, the ink dripping from the tip of the pen. He didn’t want anything. He could easily split the money evenly once again between his family and his charities. Though Taeil would grumble about it, what his money went to was Yuta’s decision.

With the ink that remained in the pen, Yuta wrote down how he wanted to split the last twenty percent―fifteen percent for gifts and five percent for clothes.

Yuta looked at his work with a smile.

Even if Yuta didn’t get himself anything for his birthday, the end of the year was nearing quickly and he wanted to have presents prepared for the holiday well in advance to send to his family in Modan-ri.

Yuta cleaned up the desk and picked up the paper. He left the library and made his way to his and the Prince’s room. Apart from the allowance, Taeil needed Yuta’s letter for his mother. He hadn’t been able to send it because the trip to Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan’s wedding required much preparation and they had only just returned the night before.

He opened the door to the room.

“Oh!”

Yuta almost jumped. He took in the sight before him. “Are you all right?”

The Prince was standing near the entrance to the bedchamber. His face was flushed a bright pink and his eyes were wide. He stammered when he spoke. “I’m, I’m fine. What are you… what are you doing here?”

Yuta entered the room and closed the door behind him. He motioned to the desk against the wall. “I’m here to grab the letter for my mother,” he said. He walked over to the desk and looked down at it.

They had been gone for a few days for the wedding but the desk was clean. Yuta trusted that the maids hadn’t read the letter. They had little interest in what Yuta did to pry into his business. The maids that usually cleaned their rooms were older women that could care less about what they got up to. However, the maids almost always put things back almost exactly as they were before they cleaned.

Yuta’s letter was there but it was askew. He had left it on the desk properly. The pen he had used was put away and the inkwell he used was closed, but he saw that there was a black streak of ink on the wooden desk beside his letter. It was unusual for the maids to not clean properly. They had been doing this job for years. They never missed a thing.

Taeil had ensured Yuta that there would hardly be changes to the maids that took care of their private rooms. New maids were usually appointed to work downstairs in the kitchen. Bedchamber maids hardly rotated. Had there been a change while they were gone? A new maid could have done this. If so, why hadn’t Taeil told him?

“Hey, is there someone new…” Yuta looked over his shoulder to look at the bedchamber entrance but found it empty. “Hello?”

The Prince emerged from the bedchamber seconds later. His cheeks were still pink but he seemed to have calmed down from whatever got him like that. “What is it?”

He brought his hands to his cheeks, covering the pink circles that were on his skin. It was then that Yuta saw it. A large black streak along the side of his left hand.

Yuta narrowed his eyes at him. “Nevermind,” Yuta said, looking back at his letter. He picked it up, looked it over. He turned his entire body around. “Are you all right? You look rather flushed.”

“I’m fine,” the Prince replied. “I was running outside with Hajoon and Zennie.”

“Is that so?” Yuta dropped his gaze to the paper in his hands. It didn’t look like someone had touched it. There were no streaks of ink on the paper and the letter itself was intact, not a wrinkle or dent on it. Yuta looked back up. He raised the letter and the allowance paper. “I need to get these to Taeil.”

The Prince nodded. “I’ll see you tonight for dinner.”

Yuta nodded once, moving to the door. “I’ll see you,” he said. He opened the door. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, thinking. His grip tightened on the doorknob. “Hajoon is still with Jungwoo and your sister has taken Zennie out for a walk.”

Behind him, the Prince let out a noise of surprise.

Yuta looked over his shoulder. “Please wash your hands properly before dinner.”

The Prince looked at his hands and turned his gaze up in time to meet Yuta’s. His eyes were wide and his mouth was agape. “Wait!”

Yuta stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.

* * *

_Mother, another guilt eats at me these days. No one has talked about it and while it is something that is supposed to be private for two individuals, I’m afraid the real reason why no one has spoken to us about it is that no one knows how to. From a union, a child is born. In a union such as mine, there can be no child, but the idea remains. The idea of consummation._

_I feel guilty that I have not consummated my marriage to the Prince. We are nearing two months and our marriage still has not been consummated. It’s a terrifying thought if I am honest. I have never been with a woman before, much less a man. I have no clue as to how to proceed, if I should proceed, or if I can even bring myself to do so._

_I must confess something else. While we haven’t completed what is required, we have been intimate. Only once before. Mother, I should have confessed this is my first letter to you. During our trip to the south, the Prince and I almost consummated our marriage. It is embarrassing to write but we must’ve kissed dozens of times. There are nights when I dream about it and can still feel his hands on my body and his lips against my own. The dream always ends with him leaving like he did that night. My imagination doesn’t know how to proceed from what happened there. It scares me and shakes me to my core. It is a feeling I cannot shake and it worries me that I will never be able to complete what is required of me in this union._

_Mother, moments before I read your letter, we kissed. And moments before we kissed, I noticed something. I noticed many things. Mother, he is beautiful. I have never seen someone with this amount of beauty given to them by the Heavens above. Inside and out, he is simply lovely. It is like you said… He is a good man. And a good man like him is worth creating a family with. I get to have him and keep him by my side, but I feel guilty... Am I a good enough man for him if I cannot even bring myself to touch him again? And if I do, what am I to do from there?_

_I feel sick. Apart from the fact that he is a man, I cannot ignore the fact that I do not love him the way everyone expects me to. How can I lay with a person that I do not genuinely love?_

_Mother, I truly do not believe I will ever be able to love the Prince. As lovely as he is, my feelings remain unwavering and still._

_Yuta_

* * *

Taeil didn’t spare a glance at Yuta’s letter as he handed it to him. He already had an envelope prepared for it. The letter disappeared inside. Taeil took the allowance paper from Yuta’s hands next.

“Gifts and clothes?” he asked, peering at Yuta curiously.

“Don’t think too much of it,” Yuta replied. “The gifts are for my family.”

Taeil hummed. He set the paper aside with the envelope, knowing to not ask more. “Very well then.”

“The letter should arrive by when?”

Just as Taeil opened his mouth to answer, the door opened and Dongyoung came tumbling in. He looked panicked. “Your Royal Highness,” he said, “You’re needed.”

Yuta got up quickly. He walked behind Dongyoung, trying his best to keep up. Behind him was Taeil, asking Dongyoung questions. Dongyoung didn’t answer.

He led Yuta and Taeil to the second floor, to a door in the west wing. Dongyoung motioned for Yuta to go in but held Taeil back from following.

Yuta eyed Dongyoung but a calm nod from Taeil was enough to get him to open the door.

Yuta had very little business on the second floor. Many court members stayed in the rooms here and there were a few entertaining rooms that were used by them. Since Yuta didn’t interact with people of the court much, he spent the least amount of time here.

The door he opened lead to an antechamber. It was filled with people he didn’t recognize. But they seemed to recognize him.

“Your Royal Highness,” a gentleman said, bowing in his direction.

His action prompted several other gentlemen and ladies around to bow. Yuta looked around, still confused as to why everyone was crowded in here.

The Prince’s familiar face appeared among all the bowing individuals and Yuta made his way to him. The Prince took Yuta’s hand in his and pulled him into the bedchamber.

It was also crowded in the bedchamber. But he recognized the people here. It was the entire family.

The Prince said nothing to Yuta but he turned to look at the bed.

Yuta focused on the individual in bed. It was a young girl that Yuta didn’t recognize at all.

She had long black hair that fell around her face. It looked bright and healthy. It was the only thing that looked bright and healthy about her. It stuck to her forehead and cheeks with sweat. The rest of her looked terrible.

The young girl’s complexion was washed out and her skin gleamed with the amount of sweat on her face. Her face was thin enough that Yuta could see her cheekbones and the sharp edges of her jaw. Her eyes were sunken deep within the sockets. Her eyes themselves were a muddy brown and she looked completely exhausted.

Her arms held onto the blanket tightly. Yuta wondered how tight she could hold them. Her arms were skinny and he could see the bones underneath her skin. Her small fingers were also skinny and bony. Yuta didn’t want to know how the rest of her looked.

“Doctor, is she all right?”

Yuta tore his gaze away from the young girl. It was the Prince’s aunt. The one that had been left a widow after the death of her husband the month before. She also looked painfully thin and sick. Yuta was shocked she could even stand by herself.

“Your Royal Highness,” an older man said. He was looking through a large leather bag. He pulled his hands out and closed the bag. He looked up at the woman. “Your daughter will be fine.”

Yuta looked back at the young girl. This was the daughter of Taeyong’s aunt and uncle. Princess Eunbi. She was only ten years old, the eldest child of four. At the funeral, she had been brave, standing beside her crying mother. Now she looked weak, on the brink of death.

The older man, which Yuta assumed was the doctor, pulled her away to continue speaking to her. It was not the doctor that had previously tended to Yuta, who was the official doctor of the family. Why wasn’t the official doctor here?

The Queen and King followed after the two, grabbing the woman’s hand reassuringly as the doctor told him something.

The family around the bed began to go up to the bed one by one, taking Princess Eunbi’s small hands in theirs, praying for her recovery. Princess Eunbi could hardly move, much less speak. She gave the weakest nod to everyone that came by. As the family members let go of her hands, they moved to the antechamber.

Yuta heard the Prince’s eldest cousin tell everyone to leave, causing everyone waiting to murmur and whisper as they exited the antechamber. The Princess needed to be alone with only family to recover, she told them.

A small tug on his hand brought his attention back. Yuta and the Prince were to go next.

In front of them, the Prince’s uncle and his wife were speaking to Princess Eunbi.

“It’s a shame, Eunbi,” he said. Beside him, his wife nodded with a pitiful expression. He grabbed both of Princess Eunbi’s hands in his. “Your dad passed just last month and now you’re sick. It must be hard for your mother and your little siblings. Eunbi, don’t you think it’s troublesome for your Aunt Sora as well?”

Yuta frowned as he listened to the Prince’s uncle speak to Princess Eunbi.

“Perhaps it’s something genetic,” the older man said. He turned to his wife. “You don’t think that it’s from Yunho, do you?”

The woman frowned. “Then you and Sora would be sick as well,” she said. “Perhaps it’s from that woman…”

Her eyes wandered to Princess Eunbi’s mother. Her expression was neutral, but her eyes were angry.

“You hear that, Eunbi? Your sickness was probably passed on by your mother,” the Prince’s uncle said. He sighed deeply. “Perhaps your siblings will suffer from this sickness as well.”

Princess Eunbi’s face twisted into one of sadness, making her look even more pitiful than before. She had three younger siblings, two sisters and a brother, all under the age of five. From what Yuta knew, Princess Eunbi loved her younger siblings to bits and pieces. The children were always together and were often the only playmates they had since they were not able to interact much with the two children of the Prince’s uncle or even Prince Hajoon.

“Taeyong,” Yuta whispered, turning to the Prince beside him.

He was in a quiet conversation with his sister, who had a worried expression on her face. Yuta squeezed his hand, making him turn around. “What is it, Yuta?”

“Did you―”

“Taeyong!” the Prince’s uncle exclaimed.

His wife was on his arm, smiling at them. There was something about the woman that was a little off-putting but Yuta couldn’t pinpoint it. Instead of scrutinizing the two any further, Yuta bowed his head in greeting.

“Uncle Jaejoong,” the Prince said quietly. He looked at his wife. “Lady Sooyeon.”

The Prince’s uncle pulled him away, wrapping an arm around the Prince and taking him to the other side of the room. It left Yuta alone with his wife. He tried to smile at her.

“Yuta, is it? I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced,” she asked with a smile. She offered her hand. “Sooyeon.”

Yuta took the woman’s hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Congratulations,” she said. “It’s a few months late, but congratulations on your marriage to my dear nephew. I hope all is well?”

Behind Lady Sooyeon, the Princess and her husband moved up to the bed, taking their chance to speak to Princess Eunbi. Yuta let his eyes linger on them for a moment before looking back at Lady Sooyeon.

“Everything is well,” he said. “Thank you.”

The Prince and his uncle came back then. The older man offered his arm to his wife, who took it happily. They bid them goodbye and disappeared.

“Is everything all right?” the Prince asked, taking Yuta’s hand once more. “Your face looks pale.”

“I’m all right,” Yuta replied.

The Princess and her husband each kissed Princess Eunbi’s head before leaving her side. Yuta pulled the Prince forward. They both sat on the bed, legs dangling off the sides.

“Eunbi,” the Prince said immediately, turning his attention to his cousin. With his free hand, he pushed back the hair that was sticking to her forehead. “Are you all right?”

Princess Eunbi tilted her head to the side slightly, her thin lips dropping into a small pout. The Prince laughed at this. Yuta smiled at her sadly.

“You’ll feel better,” the Prince assured. He grabbed her small hand in his. “I promise you will feel better. I’ll ask your mom to let your sisters and brother play with Hajoon since you won’t be going back to your house until you feel well. Is that okay?”

Princess Eunbi gave a small nod, the corners of her lips pulling up.

The Prince kissed the back of her hand. “Yuta and I will ask the Heavens for your recovery,” he said against the back of her hand. He set it back down on the bed and then motioned to Yuta. “You haven’t met him, right? Not properly?”

The young princess turned her head slowly to the right and then to the left. No, she hadn’t met Yuta properly. None of the children were allowed to attend the wedding celebration and the Prince’s uncle lived in another home that belonged to the family with his wife and children for the most part so Yuta never had the chance to meet them. The first time Yuta had seen the little princess and her siblings was at the funeral for her father.

She was looking at him curiously now. The tiredness in her eyes was replaced with the curiosity a ten-year-old should have. Yuta wondered if she even knew who he was in relation to the Prince.

“It’s my honor, Your Royal Highness,” Yuta said, reaching out to grab her hand. He could feel how thin it was and when he lifted it to kiss, her hand was almost as light as a feather.

Her lips quirked up into a small smile. She bowed her head.

“Yuta here is my husband,” the Prince explained. He lifted their joined hands to show her. She looked surprised, which made both Yuta and the Prince smile. The Prince then showed her his left hand and she admired the band on his finger.

Yuta offered his hand, letting go of the Prince momentarily, and she finally smiled properly, her small teeth on display for them. It was a weak smile but the happiness reached her eyes. It warmed Yuta’s heart.

The Prince leaned in and motioned for her to come closer to tell her a secret. It was silly, seeing him raise his hand to his mouth. He peered over at Yuta. “He’s quite handsome, isn’t he?” said the Prince in a loud whisper. “Can you believe someone this handsome agreed to marry me?”

Princess Eunbi tossed her head back against the pillows holding her up in the bed, eyes closing and a smile on display. There was a small sound coming from her but it was too quiet. Had she not been sick, Yuta knew that he would be hearing the young girl’s cheerful and bright laugh.

The Prince was smiling at his cousin fondly as he pulled back. “He’s really fun, Eunbi,” the Prince said. “When you get better, Yuta and I will take you out for a walk in the gardens. Okay?”

Princess Eunbi settled down and gave the Prince a nod. She looked at Yuta and he smiled at her.

The Prince kissed Princess Eunbi on the top of her head and Yuta gave her another kiss on her hand, telling her to feel better soon so they could go on that walk.

They left Princess Eunbi’s room hand in hand. Taeil and Dongyoung were outside, waiting nervously.

“She’s fine,” the Prince said. His voice wavered. He looked at Yuta. His eyes were asking for help.

Yuta looked at the Prince in the eyes as he nodded once. “She’s fine,” he repeated.

Taeil and Dongyoung were still frowning but they said nothing to them.

The four of them began walking back to the third floor. There were several extended family members and other court members walking about, giving them small bows. Many were people that Yuta didn’t know, but he still greeted them back. 

They reached the door to the room on the third floor quickly. The third floor was empty, not even chambermaids running about so late in the afternoon.

Before the Prince and Yuta entered the room, Dongyoung cleared his throat. “Your Royal Highnesses,” he said. He pulled a letter from his pocket. It was sealed with a deep green wax seal with a crest Yuta had never seen. “This arrived earlier.”

The Prince took it, thanking Dongyoung. “We’ll read it right now. I’ll find you later, Doyoung.”

Dongyoung bowed his head slowly. Both Taeil and Dongyoung left then. The Prince and Yuta entered their room.

The Prince let go of Yuta’s hand. He held the letter in both his hands now, inspecting the seal carefully. “It’s from a friend,” he said.

“Who?” Yuta asked, trying to look at the seal.

“He’s from another kingdom. His birthday is coming up.”

* * *

The tenth month began on the fourth day of the week. Their trip had been only a few days later. They had only been at the palace for a week after returning for Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan’s wedding and they had left again.

But their trip was much longer this time. It was only a few hours to reach the Kang manor, half a day to reach the royal family’s unused hunting lodge in the south, and an entire week of travel to go to Modan-ri. Their destination this time was much further. 

The city of Wenzhou was located near the southeast border of the Kingdom of Daoming. It was two and a half weeks away in a carriage.

The Prince’s friend, who the Prince referred to as Lord Sicheng, was having a birthday celebration that would last the entire week of his birthday. The Prince was invited to join them and bring along as many guests as he pleased.

Yuta would be accompanying the Prince as his friend, along with Dongyoung and Taeil. 

Once again, Yuta had been getting used to the feeling of not having the wedding band on his finger throughout the trip to Wenzhou.

The Kingdom of Daoming was a good friend of the Southern Kingdom after joining forces through a marriage long ago. Yuta had read a book about it. The Southern Kingdom had given a young princess to the Kingdom of Daoming in their early days, uniting the two lands for centuries to come. The two families were close and even the Queen and the Princess made the long trip to Daoming Castle to visit the current King and Queen.

However, the Prince was a little hidden away from it all. Lord Sicheng was the son of the brother of the crown prince or something like that. Yuta hadn’t been able to follow along clearly. But Lord Sicheng was under the impression that the Prince was the child of the Queen’s cousin, making him a long way away from the throne and a family member that held very little power in the Southern Kingdom compared to someone like the Princess.

Lord Sicheng and the Prince had known each other since they were children, and in all those years, he had never managed to figure out that Lord Lee was truly the son of the Queen. Had he ever figured it out, Lord Sicheng definitely wouldn’t have treated the Prince the way he did when he finally saw them in the courtyard of his home.

The young man was wearing traditional Daoming clothing, his long green robe moving freely as he made his way over to them with a smile on his face.

“Taeyong!” Lord Sicheng exclaimed, hugging the Prince. “Did you bring me anything good from your aunt’s place?”

“I’m afraid not,” the Prince said with a smile.

Lord Sicheng punched the Prince’s shoulder. “A shame! It’s my birthday!”

“Hey now, you thought I was serious?” the Prince teased. “Your gifts should arrive soon.”

Lord Sicheng laughed loudly. “You’re so annoying, man!” he said, shoving the Prince, who just laughed in response.

Yuta was in _awe_. He knew that the Prince was rather open when surrounded by his family, but this was something else entirely. The Prince was nothing like the person Yuta knew now that he was surrounded by his friends, under a different name and as part of a different family entirely.

“Hey, hey, I brought a new friend,” the Prince was saying. He grabbed Yuta’s shoulder, pulling him into Lord Sicheng’s sight. “This is Yuta. He’s Seulgi’s friend.”

Lord Sicheng raised his eyebrows as he looked at Yuta. “Hello,” he said. “My name is Sicheng.”

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Yuta replied carefully.

“You’re Seulgi’s friend?” he asked. Yuta nodded. Lord Sicheng motioned to the Prince. “Did she introduce you to this guy?”

“I―”

“We just met at her wedding,” the Prince interrupted. “She didn’t introduce us.”

Lord Sicheng switched his gaze, focusing on the Prince again. Yuta felt awkward as the two looked at each other. It was a moment before Lord Sicheng cleared his throat and looked back at Yuta. He smiled at him. “Welcome,” he said. “It’s great to have you here. I hope we become good friends. A room has been prepared next to Doyoung’s for you.”

Lord Sicheng left them after that, telling them he had more guests arriving soon. The four of them were led to their rooms. The house itself was true to traditional Daoming architecture and style. The large courtyard was in the center of the entire residence. Several buildings made up the home. Lord Sicheng and his family stayed in the main residence and all the guests had rooms prepared in the western and eastern residences.

The four of them would be staying in the western residence. They were shown to their rooms. Yuta was on the furthest end, with Dongyoung’s room to the right of his.

The sliding doors had an intricate design on them. The wood created several rectangles with glass filling in the spaces. The windows on each side of the door had similar designs.

The rooms themselves were dark and empty, but the windows and doors allowed much of the sunlight in. There was a large bed, a writing desk, and a small washroom. On top of the bed in Yuta’s room was a long robe in the color blue.

They had looked out of place in the courtyard, with Lord Sicheng and the other residents dressed in their traditional Daoming attire. No one had glanced in their direction twice or commented on their extravagant suits but it would be uncomfortable spending their trip dressed so gaudily when everyone else had more simple clothing.

Yuta thought it was kind of him to prepare clothes for them so they would fit in better. He changed quickly, finding the fabric of the robe smooth against his skin. It was also loose, allowing the cool air to reach him underneath the robe.

Yuta left his room and found Taeil rather quickly. He had changed into a robe exactly like Yuta’s. He smiled at him.

“They’re rather nice, aren’t they?” he asked, admiring the way it hung from his arms.

“They are,” Yuta agreed. He looked around but saw no one else around the outside of the building. “Lord Lee is…?”

Taeil frowned. “Yuta, I think it would be better to call him by his name. Don’t you agree?” he asked. “He told Lord Sicheng you had grown rather close.”

“Taeyong then,” Yuta corrected. “Where is he?”

“He hasn’t left his room,” Taeil replied. He gave Yuta a look. “Is there something wrong?”

Yuta shook his head. “No, no,” he said quickly. “There’s nothing wrong.”

“Lord Na?”

Yuta turned around and found Lord Sicheng standing a few paces away. “Lord Sicheng,” he said, bowing at him.

“Are you finding the accommodations all right?”

“They’re perfect.”

Lord Sicheng smiled. “Fantastic,” he said. He came closer and offered his hand. Yuta stared at it. “Would you look to take a walk around the courtyard?”

“I’m―” Yuta over his shoulder at Taeil, who had a calm expression.

“I’m sure Taeil here won’t mind,” Lord Sicheng said.

When Taeil motioned for Yuta to go ahead, Yuta took Lord Sicheng’s hand. It was warm and his palm was smooth. Yuta wondered if Lord Sicheng could feel the roughness of his palm. If he did, he did not comment on it.

The courtyard was large and it took them about half an hour to walk all the way around. There were several flowers planted around the courtyard and a few tall trees in the center. It was calming, despite many members of the household staff walking about with large baskets of freshly picked fruits or linens for the rooms.

Lord Sicheng was a kind person. He was rather sweet but also had a way of teasing. He was like a young child, but not necessarily childish. As he spoke, Yuta could see he was very intelligent and well-spoken. Despite being from the Kingdom of Daoming, he spoke the language of the Southern Kingdom with ease, like a true native.

He told Yuta about his family and their home. He told Yuta how he had met the Prince when he was young, affectionately referring to him as Taeyong. Lord Sicheng saw him as an older brother, which explained the way he whined and teased earlier. The Prince had always taken care of Lord Sicheng and gave him the things he wanted.

In turn, Yuta told Lord Sicheng about himself, or the person that Yuta had created for himself. He was the son of an unimportant lord in the deep north that was acquainted with Lord Kang, through which he met Lady Seulgi. It was all made up. But Lord Sicheng seemed to be unaware of his lies.

“I am very glad that you decided to accompany Taeyong,” Lord Sicheng said, moving to stand in front of Yuta. He tilted his head to the side, face twisting into a concentrated look. “Is there anything between you?”

“Between me and Taeyong?” Yuta asked.

Lord Sicheng nodded.

A sigh escaped from Yuta’s lips. “There is not.”

The young man smiled. “Hey now, I heard that sigh!” he exclaimed. “You want there to be something, don’t you?”

Yuta laughed. He almost reached out to push Lord Sicheng’s shoulder. “Of course not!” he said. “I already have someone.”

“And who is that?” Lord Sicheng had a goofy grin on his face.

“A girl,” Yuta replied.

He closed his eyes for a moment and remembered. Mina appeared in Yuta’s dreams sometimes, never really saying much but always with a smile on her face. In his dreams, she still had the ring on her finger and the sun always seemed to hit it in just the right way.

“A beautiful girl,” Yuta sighed, opening his eyes.

Lord Sicheng was looking at him with a soft expression now. “Congratulations then.” He laughed, “I hope to receive an invite to the wedding now that you’ve shown me this side of you.”

Yuta chuckled. This time he did reach about to push Lord Sicheng’s shoulder. “Hush now.”

* * *

The end of the tenth month was days away. Lord Sicheng’s actual birthday was only three days away, but the celebration had already begun in earnest almost a week ago. Performers and musicians had been hired to entertain guests in the courtyard, from the moment the sun was high in the sky in the morning to the moment it was rising once again. The cooks had prepared an abundance of delicious food for each meal and had food prepared at all hours of the day. Guests came and went, stumbling down the halls after partying into the early morning to go to their rooms or coming out to enjoy breakfast with Lord Sicheng in the large dining room. It was fun but exhausting.

Yuta woke up after an entire night of celebrating, head throbbing the slightest bit. He opened his eyes after a minute and was surprised to find Taeil sitting on his bed.

“Hey!” he exclaimed, almost falling over the other side. The volume of his voice made the headache forming pound even more. He brought a hand to his head. He spoke quieter. “What are you doing?”

Taeil laughed. “I’m just here to wish you happy birthday,” he said. He reached out, putting his hand on Yuta’s free hand. “Happy birthday, Yuta.”

Yuta scowled, dropping his hand from his head. “It couldn’t have waited until later?” Yuta pulled the blankets up around him when he realized that he wasn’t wearing anything, not even his nightshirt. “I’m not even dressed!”

“Like it matters!” Taeil exclaimed.

Yuta frowned. “Get out of here,” he said, pushing Taeil off the bed. “Let me get dressed. I’ll see you outside.”

“I have a present for you,” was all Taeil said before he left.

The day was spent eating and watching the entertainment that had been hired for the afternoon. Lord Sicheng had made sure that Yuta was at his side for all of it.

Lord Sicheng’s other side was occupied by the Prince. It had been almost five days since they arrived but Yuta had barely gotten any time to speak with the Prince. He didn’t mind it. There wasn’t anything to speak about. It was odd sleeping alone the first night, but Yuta had effectively tired himself out to the point that he was asleep as soon as he hit the bed on the other nights so he didn’t miss him too much this time.

As the day turned to night, the celebration grew lively once more, with many of the guests coming out from their rooms to join in. There was more food, more music, more performances, more guests. And it was all to celebrate Lord Sicheng’s upcoming birthday. It seemed that the closer it got, the more extravagant everything became.

Yuta enjoyed himself once more, drinking and eating with Dongyoung, Taeil, and the Prince. Lord Sicheng had run off to show how he could dance after the first meal of the night, and he could dance, Yuta concluded. Lord Sicheng moved gracefully among the professional performers. He could be one himself. The rest of his guests spoke in the language of the Kingdom of Daoming, so Yuta didn’t understand what they said but Yuta could assume that they were either teasing him or praising him for his talent.

It wasn’t long before Yuta got too tired to continue and bid goodnight to the group he was sitting with. Dongyoung bid him goodnight and Taeil followed, telling Yuta to rest well. He made no mention of the gift he said he had for Yuta. After he had emerged from his room in the morning, Taeil had rushed them to breakfast and they had been caught up in the activities. Yuta didn’t mention it himself, not wanting the attention to drift to him. Neither Dongyoung or the Prince knew his birthday. Yuta had mentioned it during their first meeting in the Prince’s room but he hadn’t been specific and it was so long ago, he doubted the Prince remembered in the first place.

The Prince simply gave Yuta a nod and raised his cup of alcohol, bidding him a silent goodnight.

Yuta went back to his room and straight into the washroom to wash his face. He also stripped down and slipped on his banyan. He walked to his bed and pulled back the sheets.

He had his back to the door so when he turned around he almost jumped. The sliding doors were so silent, he hadn’t even heard someone open them. Since the room was so dark, he couldn’t see the figure standing by the door. The lights from the celebration outside illuminated the space around him, but Yuta couldn’t see his face.

“Taeil?” Yuta asked. The figure didn’t answer. “Have you come to give me that gift of yours?”

Yuta did jump when the person spoke. “You didn’t tell me,” he said. It was the Prince.

Yuta pulled the blankets up to cover himself even though he was dressed in his banyan. “What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t tell me,” the Prince repeated. “Why didn’t you tell me your birthday?”

He heard it now. The Prince was drunk. There was a slight slur to his words. The alcohol being served had been strong and Yuta hadn’t been paying attention to how much the Prince was drinking. He hadn’t paid attention the previous nights either but Dongyoung had taken the Prince to his room once he was drunk enough, and it had been hours before Yuta himself retired for the night. Tonight, Yuta was the one that retired early.

“Why did you drink so much?” Yuta asked. 

He stood from the bed and made his way over to the Prince. He pulled him into the room by the sleeve of his robe and closed the doors. The small glass panes in the rectangles allowed some light to enter but the room remained dark.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?” the Prince countered.

“Let me take you to your room,” Yuta said, grabbing the Prince’s wrist.

“No,” came the answer. “Let me stay with you tonight. I can’t sleep alone anymore. It doesn’t feel―doesn’t feel right without you there. I miss you.”

“Taeyong…”

The Prince was too emotional when he was drunk. Yuta had learned that on the night of their wedding. He remembered the Prince’s vulnerable expression and his request for a goodnight kiss, a kiss he never got.

Since then, Yuta made sure that the Prince never drank too much during their meals or other activities. The night of Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan’s wedding had been an exception and it had ended up with Yuta going to bed angry and the Prince stumbling in and professing his love, something that shaken Yuta for a few days afterward.

Yuta didn’t know if the Prince’s word were sincere, but in the last few months, Yuta had not given the Prince to form such genuine feelings. He couldn’t have been serious.

He wasn’t being serious now either.

Yuta didn’t know what to do if he was. The mere thought made his skin hot and his heart pound in his chest. The Prince couldn’t mean it. 

“Stop this,” Yuta said. He let go of the Prince’s wrist. “You’ve had too much to drink.”

“If anything, wouldn’t drinking make me more honest?” the Prince asked. He grabbed Yuta’s forearm. “Wouldn’t I be able to easily say the words I can’t when I’m sober?”

“That’s ridiculous,” Yuta scolded. He tried to pull his arm away but the Prince’s grip was tight. “You don’t mean those things.”

“Tell me why.”

The Prince pulled Yuta closer. Their bodies were nearly flush against each other. His face was so close, their foreheads were nearly touching. Yuta could feel his warm breath and smell the strong alcohol he had been drinking all night. The light coming from the outside shined upon the right side of his face, illuminating the soft curve of his cheek and the strong line of his jaw. Yuta saw the small scar beside his right eye. He shifted his gaze and met the eyes of the Prince.

He could see the Prince’s eyes from this position. Even though it was dark and only the right side of the Prince was bathed in the cool light, Yuta could see how both of his eyes were shining. The Prince was looking for something on Yuta’s face.

Yuta was flustered by his strong gaze. 

“Because!” he exclaimed suddenly, trying to pull back without much success. “You don’t know me!”

“I know you more than I did three months ago,” the Prince replied. “That was enough for me.”

The Prince pulled him even closer. Their noses bumped but the Prince was quick to tilt his head a little.

This kiss was much slower than any of the other ones they had shared before. They moved against each other slowly, as if they had all the time in the world. 

Yuta closed his eyes, sighing into the Prince’s mouth. He felt all the doubt and hesitation leave his body. He reached up to hold onto the Prince’s biceps. The Prince wrapped an arm around Yuta’s waist.

They moved towards the bed, not pulling away from each other. The backs of Yuta’s knees hit the edge of the bed and it was then that the Prince pulled back.

“Is this wrong?” he asked, his eyes searching for something. “Am I taking advantage of you by doing this?”

Yuta tightened his grip on the Prince’s biceps. “No,” he breathed out. “You’re not.”

“I never want to take advantage of you,” the Prince whispered.

“You’re not like that.”

They kissed once more. The Prince pushed Yuta down onto the bed and he landed against the bed hard. The Prince moved on top of him, putting a knee on either side of Yuta’s thighs. It reminded Yuta of their night at the manor in the south. That night was still fuzzy in his mind since he had been drunk.

He wasn’t drunk tonight. He would remember everything that happened tonight.

The Prince loomed over him. His hands came up to cup Yuta’s face. It was completely dark near the bed, too far for the light to reach, so Yuta couldn’t see his face at all.

“I don’t ever want to hurt you,” the Prince said. He leaned in and kissed Yuta softly.

Yuta grabbed a fistful of the blanket underneath him. His heart was beating too fast. His skin was too hot. He was feeling something he had only felt that night at the manor so long ago. Yuta felt the blood rushing to his neck, his face, his ears, but also somewhere else.

“You’re not like that,” Yuta managed to say. He gasped when the Prince tried to get into a more comfortable position on top of him. “You won’t hurt me.”

“Can you do it, Yuta?”

“Do what?”

“Can you bring yourself to touch me again?”

* * *

They arrived at the palace in the middle of the eleventh month. Much had changed since the last time they had been there. The gardens that were green in the summer were hidden underneath a thick layer of white snow. The fountains that had run every day and night were frozen over and no water spouted from them anymore. The morning sun was hidden behind gray clouds that threatened more snow.

The few people that walked around outside were no longer dressed in their jewel-studded dresses and suits. They wore their thick greatcoats, hands tucked into equally thick gloves. Apart from these people, everyone else seemed to be inside, locked away from the cold of the coming winter.

Yuta felt the cold chill run through his body as he stepped out of the carriage. He had his greatcoat on but the cold still managed to slip in. He waited for the Prince to get out and when he did, he pulled him along to the entrance.

“Yuta, please,” he said, trying to slow him down. “We must wait for Doyoung and Taeil.”

“Leave them,” Yuta complained. “It’s freezing.”

With a sigh, the Prince let Yuta pull inside. 

It was toasty indoors, with every single fireplace already lit. Even though the snow made the outdoors look gloomy, the bright fire in the fireplaces and the candles cast an orange glow to the inside, making it look and feel extremely warm and inviting.

“Taeyong, we’re home,” Yuta sighed contently, looking around.

“We are home,” the Prince said gently.

“You’re home!” a shrill voice came.

They both looked towards the top of the grand staircase and found the Princess with Hajoon beside her.

Yuta let go of the Prince’s arm and rushed up the stairs to greet the small prince. Hajoon was jumping up and down, waiting for Yuta to reach the top.

When he did, Yuta enveloped the boy in a tight hug. “Hajoon!” he exclaimed. 

“Uncle Yuta!” he cheered. “I missed you!”

Yuta pulled back and smiled at the boy. “Your uncle and I have missed you very much as well.”

“Welcome home,” the Princess said from beside her son.

Yuta turned his gaze towards her. She was smiling warmly. “It’s great to be home after being away for over a month.”

“We won’t be going anywhere soon,” came the Prince’s voice behind him. He greeted his sister with a hug and kiss on her cheek. He looked at his nephew. “It’s too cold to travel anywhere.”

“Uncle Yongie!” Hajoon cried. He ran to the Prince, throwing his arms around the Prince, who was already at Hajoon’s eye level, waiting with arms open wide.

They separated after a moment and the Prince stood back up. He offered Yuta his hand. Yuta took it gratefully. He was still wearing his gloves and so was the Prince. He couldn’t feel that warmth he was so used to but when the Prince came closer to stand beside it, Yuta felt the heat coming from his body.

“If you’ll excuse us,” the Prince said. He looked at his sister and nephew apologetically. “Yuta and I have been stuck in the same carriage for a few days.”

The Princess smiled at them. “Go on,” she said. “It’s never comfortable sleeping in there.”

She lead Hajoon away, going downstairs, even as he whined about wanting to spend time with the Prince and Yuta. The Prince laughed, calling out a promise that they could be together all day tomorrow if he liked.

They went up to the third floor once the Princess disappeared into the hall the branched off from the main entrance with Hajoon. There were a few chambermaids around, all of them stopping to greet them.

Their room was empty but it was clean. The sight of their room made Yuta sigh.

“So glad we’re home,” he said, dropping into one of the armchairs.

The Prince laughed. He sat on the sofa beside the armchair. “I meant it when I said we wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while. Perhaps in the spring, if you like.”

“I’d like to just stay here,” Yuta replied

The Prince gave Yuta a small bow. “As you wish, Your Royal Highness.”

Yuta scowled in the Prince’s direction, making him chuckle.

They sat in silence for a few moments, just looking at each other. Finally, the Prince cleared his throat.

“Are we going to talk?” he asked.

Yuta feigned disinterest despite feeling himself get tense. “About?”

The Prince sighed. “About what you said in Wenzhou.”

They had spent the two and a half weeks pretending that what they had done in Wenzhou never actually happened. They had been stuck in the same carriage for the entire trip and they tried to talk the first day, but once it became clear it wouldn’t work, they spent a few days in silence. They had gotten over themselves and they talked about anything but what happened in Wenzhou. They talked about the books they were reading, the weather outside the carriage, or about how hungry and sleepy they were inside the carriage. Wenzhou hadn’t come up once.

Yuta didn’t want to talk about it. He had told the Prince this, but he insisted that they needed to.

“If we talk about it…” Yuta started. He took a deep breath. “If we talk about it, then it becomes real.”

The Prince frowned. “What’s the problem with that? Do you not want it to be real?”

Yuta held his breath.

No, he didn’t. Or did he?

The Prince got up from the sofa. He kneeled in front of Yuta and grabbed his hands. “Yuta, I know that you feel it, too. You feel what I feel,” he said. “You said it yourself in the letter to your mother.”

Yuta tugged his hands away from the Prince’s hold. “No,” he said curtly. “I told you that―”

“I told you that I love you,” the Prince interrupted. “I love you, Yuta. Is that so wrong?”

“It is!” Yuta said, pushing the Prince away. He stumbled backward, barely catching himself on the sofa. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry but you can’t love me and I… I, I can’t love you.”

“Yuta.” The Prince sounded desperate.

“I can’t love you,” Yuta repeated, standing from the chair. He felt something form in his throat. There were tears in his eyes. “I can’t love you,” he said again. He looked down at the Prince. “Can’t you see that, Taeyong? I’ll never be able to love you. And you… you don’t love me.”

“Why must you deny my feelings for me?” The Prince asked from his place on the floor. He pushed himself up, huffing. “You are only capable of knowing your feelings, Yuta, feelings that you’ve made clear to me now. But you can't know my feelings that way that I do. You don’t have the right to tell me how I feel about you or if my feelings for you are sincere, which they are.”

“It’s impossible,” Yuta argued. “How could they possibly be sincere?”

“How could your feelings not be sincere?” 

The Prince came closer once again. He made no move to grab Yuta. He just stared at Yuta, his glare cold. He was distancing himself, trying not to show his true emotions. The Prince that was so far and unattainable stood in front fo Yuta. 

“How could you tell your mother the things you feel around me only to turn around to say that your heart has not been swayed at all? Are you truly that dense? Or are you just afraid to accept it? Have you convinced yourself that the idea, that the mere _thought_ of loving me, a man, is so revolting? Or has my touch truly always been so undesirable to you, Yuta? Have I forced you to accept my advances all this time?

The night at the manor… Did you do that because you felt you had to? Did you feel like we had to consummate our marriage on that trip? Did you drink that much to enable you to do it, so you could force yourself to do it? I never had the intention of sleeping with you on that trip. To this day, I have never thought of asking that of you. But when things like Wenzhou happen, I wonder… I wonder if maybe we could…

I understood your initial hesitation. I struggled to accept my feelings towards men for much of my youth. I truly understood that. But you cannot tell me that what we have has not changed over the last three and a half months. You’re still hesitating and unwilling to accept it, Yuta. And that’s what I can’t understand right now, as much as I tried to on the trip back. You cannot tell me that you didn’t enjoy that night in Wenzhou, as short as it was, or that you didn’t enjoy the kiss we shared right here on this sofa before Seulgi’s wedding. Those were not like that night at the manor, Yuta.”

Yuta was left without words. His heart ached in his chest as he watched the Prince make his way to the door. He disappeared from Yuta’s line of sight. Yuta didn’t turn around to look at him. He heard the door open and the way that the Prince sighed deeply.

“I think that you need to truly figure out your feelings before you tell me how I feel, Yuta.”

He heard the door close behind him. Yuta dropped back down into the armchair and let the tears fall from his eyes.

* * *

“Yuta?”

Yuta looked over his shoulder and found Taeil there. He was holding a chamberstick in one hand and an envelope in his other hand. “What’s the matter?”

“Why are you out here?” Taeil asked. He came closer. “I went to your room, but Taeyong said he hadn’t since you since this morning.”

“Oh.” Yuta cleared his throat. He lifted the book in his hands. “I was reading. I guess I got caught up…”

Taeil looked unconvinced. Yuta would be too if he was Taeil.

Yuta had locked himself in the dark corners of the grand library in the morning and hadn’t been seen since, but he had two chambersticks taken from the bedchamber upstairs lit up on the table he was sitting at and he had an empty teacup and plate with crumbs from the pastries he had stolen from the kitchen in the afternoon. 

Anyone could see that he hadn’t been caught up in anything. He was just avoiding everyone, sneaking around the palace and coming back to his hiding spot.

Yuta was well aware that people were looking for him. He had skipped not only lunch but dinner as well. He hadn’t shown up to meet with Taeil to go over his allowance for the month, though the month was half over. The maids that usually drew a bath for him had gone room to room looking for him to ask how he wanted his bath tonight. They hadn’t found him only because Yuta picked a spot in the library hidden by all the bookshelves, a spot that even the maids usually skipped over cleaning most days because it went unused by everyone.

“You have a letter from your mother,” Taeil said carefully. He placed the envelope on top of the table. “I was told it arrived shortly before your birthday. Please let me know when you have written your reply.”

“Thank you,” Yuta said quietly, taking the envelope into his hands.

“I’m not going to ask what happened,” Taeil murmured. “But I will have a chambermaid fix one of the guest rooms in the Prince’s wing for tonight. The room right next to mine. Come upstairs to sleep soon.”

Taeil left the library and Yuta sighed. He opened the envelope and pulled out the letter.

He carefully unfolded it and brought it closer to the chambersticks so he could read.

* * *

_My dearest son, Yuta,_

_We have received the money well. Papa was too embarrassed to accept it so I accepted it for us. We have asked Mr. Lee to purchase new coats for the entire family during his next trip to Dongsu-ri. We have also purchased plenty of food and firewood to last until the start of the new year. We will be a little warmer and a little fuller this winter. Thank you, my son, for taking care of us._

_Momoka’s condition is progressing marvelously. She thanks the family for their well-wishes. The sickness has gone away and she’s starting to swell beautifully. It won’t be long before the child begins to show movement. We are positive that she will birth a healthy baby next spring. If we could arrange a trip in the summer, that would be splendid. The child will be a few months old and be able to handle the long journey there._

_Concerning journeys, I am surprised to have read your honesty about the journey you have been having in your marriage. My dear son, what you feel is far from guilt. Your initial letter to us mentioned very little about the Prince, but the letter I’ve received from you now shows me that you’ve come very far in the last two months._

_It must be a terrifying thought. My child, all your life you have only known one form of relationship: the relationship between man and woman. It is what you have come to accept as normal. You are scared to be in a relationship that is not normal for you._

_Now, please allow your old mother to give her opinion._

_I truly believe that you have misinterpreted your feelings, my dear. What you described is not the guilt of not being able to follow through. You have described feelings of attraction. Feeling warm and having your heart pound when you’re near him… my child, it is an attraction._

_Because you’ve never felt it before, you decided that it was guilt. The nervousness that builds in your body is a form of guilt to you, but it isn’t. To anyone else that has felt it before, it is clear that it is attraction._

_I know you better than you know yourself, Yuta. I am your mother. It pleases me to see that you’ve changed over the last few months, but it saddens me to know that you still are confused about your growth in your relationship with the Prince._

_As for consummating your marriage, there must be no rush. I believe that the Prince isn’t too bothered by it. He is willing to go at your pace, my dear._

_When the time comes, you will be able to see yourself how to proceed. If not, I will explain a little. It is similar to having relations with a woman, my dear. Safety is of the utmost importance in any form of intimacy. Before doing anything, special lubrication must be used and the entire body relaxed. Barrier devices are a must to avoid disease and sickness. Cleanliness is also necessary. Both of you must empty your stomachs to ensure that there are no mishaps with any undesirable matter. I’m positive you can figure out the rest._

_I know it is embarrassing to have your mother tell you this, but I am not embarrassed in the slightest. It is my job as your parent to explain these things, especially now that things may seem a little more confusing for you._

_I have no worries about your relationship. In my eyes, it is progressing wonderfully and I believe that the Prince will realize this soon. It is you that needs some guidance. I will leave you with a few questions to help you._

_Can you truly tell me that the night at the manor didn’t excite you? Or that his touch and his kisses were not enjoyed by you? Are you positive that your feelings haven’t changed since you’ve been there?_

_Clear your mind and try to think about it thoroughly._

_Mama_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a ride. Everyone, tell me your favorite parts. Mine was Yuta's mom telling him how gay sex works at the end. Or when Taeyong told Yuta that he loved him after they returned from Wenzhou. Also, I wish I could describe Taeyong properly; my words do not do him justice. I literally cannot put into words how beautiful he is and how beautiful everything he does is to me. Thank goodness Yuta has realized that, too.
> 
> Notes for this part:  
> \- The portrait of Taeyong in their room that Yuta describes was inspired by the portrait that Joseph-Siffred Duplessis painted of Louis XVI.  
> \- The portrait of Taeyong and Yuta is inspired by the self-portrait that Peter Paul Rubens painted of himself and his wife, Isabella Brant, titled "Honeysuckle Bower". The meanings behind the portrait explained by the Princess are the real meanings.  
> \- Zennie's name was originally something else but I changed it to Zennie after NCT announced their official fandom name, which tells you how long I've had this sitting in my drafts. Zennie is also an Old English Sheepdog (if anyone cares...).  
> \- 春日 (haruhi) means spring day, but Momoka is thinking of writing the name as 春妃, which is also read as Haruhi, but means spring princess. Yonghoon chose the name Chunhwa, which uses the hanja of 春 (spring) and 花 (flower). In Korean, it's 춘화. Chunhwa also translates into Japanese, but it's read as Haruka, which is why Yuta's mother said she liked that name.  
> \- Shiho is the name Yuta wants his daughter to have IRL. I imagined him using the kanji 姫宝 where 姫 (princess) is read as 'shi' and 宝 (treasure) is read as 'ho'. IDK what kanji Yuta actually had in mind when he said he wanted to have a kid named Shiho, but I like the one I came up with. In Korean, Siho and Shiho would be written and said exactly the same (시호) but whatever. Let’s pretend it’s in the way one says it!  
> \- Sicheng is wearing zhiduo, which is a traditional Chinese robe. His family's house is also a traditional Chinese house, in the classic siheyuan style.
> 
> Again, I am so happy everyone that's reading is enjoying this fic so far. There is much to come. (wink, wink) 
> 
> If anyone has questions or comments about this work, feel free contact me through those accounts! :D


	4. What If I Love You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this a while back, but the semester started and I've been getting my ass kicked by some of my courses. Also, I kind of didn't like this part so going back to it and editing it... I wasn't too motivated to do it, but thankfully, I have a lovely friend that encouraged me and I went back into it with a good mood as much as I could! Also, I was asked by someone: WHIW? (What happened in Wenzhou?) Well! Lucky for you, we'll find out today. PS: check out those warnings...
> 
> Warnings for this part: Referenced Self-Harm (only a brief callback to events in part 2), Brief Mention of Miscarriage, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Explicit Sexual Content

_Mother,_

_I’m pleased to hear that you’ve received the money well and have used it to purchase necessities for the upcoming months. The winter here is not as harsh as it is in Modan-ri and it is cause for me to worry about you. I hope that everyone is well. I especially hope that Nee-chan takes care. The most crucial months have passed, but the remaining months will also be trying because of the harsh weather. I am excited to hear that come springtime, I will be an uncle. We will most definitely plan for a trip in the summer after Nee-chan has her child so I can meet them._

_The Prince and I visited the city of Wenzhou within the Kingdom of Daoming for a birthday celebration of one of his friends. We departed at the start of the tenth month and only arrived a week ago. My letter should reach you in time for the grand holiday._

_I have prepared several gifts in advance for the entire family. Please let me know if you receive them well._

_Mother, I have always been honest with you. It would be unlike me to be dishonest about the progression of my relationship with my husband. It was truly embarrassing to have you explain such things, but I sincerely appreciate the information. I am still unsure of whether I will use it._

_The feeling of guilt is one I know well, Mother. As a child that used to cause trouble and hide from the consequences by blaming someone else, I know guilt. What I’m feeling is similar to that. Can I confidently say that what I feel it is guilt in its purest form? No, I cannot. At least not anymore._

_There has been a large misinterpretation between the Prince and I. Hours after we arrived from Wenzhou, we had a discussion. The Prince accused my feelings of being genuine and I argued back. It was offensive to me. He confessed his love for me and I denied him. We have not been on speaking terms since that morning. I have not even stepped back into the rooms I share with him. I have been sleeping in a guest room, alone._

_Being alone, I have had time to think. As you said, I cleared my mind and thought thoroughly. Mother, you might be correct. I am simply too stubborn to admit it. It has taken this long for me to acknowledge my feelings._

_Relationships between men are something I never encountered in my life and perhaps I denied myself the opportunity to experience it up until now because I was unaware of it. Unlike being with a woman, there are many more issues that we face as two men. Our interactions are different, even though they are the same as any other couple. But that is not the issue anymore. There is something more terrifying to me._

_I must admit the questions you posed came back with surprising answers. Mother, it was exhilarating, the night at the manor. And the night we spent in Wenzhou is another story entirely… I have never been kissed or touched so tenderly by another; my body most definitely enjoyed it. But I fear that I enjoyed it simply because I have never experienced it. With this new form of affection, isn’t it obvious that my heart will be swayed towards that person?_

_If what you say is true, then I have never felt true attraction in my life. Even towards Mina, I never felt sensations this intense. The Prince has shown me something that I enjoy and that is why my feelings have changed into attraction. I have been offered something and I want to have it, desperately so._

_But this attraction remains as a simple lust, Mother. Even if I accept it and lay with the Prince, it does not change the fact that I do not love him truly. I have only come to lust after him. All of our interactions have left me wanting him, physically, but not any other way._

_There is nothing more that I want than to have him near me, close enough for me to touch. As scared as I am of it, I want to feel him once again. It’s been so long, I have almost forgotten what it feels like to hold his hand or how nice it is to have someone beside me in bed. I got too used to having that comfort beside me, always constant and reliable. I tried to push it away subconsciously, trying to convince myself it was better to push my feelings to the back of my heart and to not reveal it to anyone, only showing that side to him in our small moments of passion. And now, I just want to have him. Even if everyone knows._

_But do not mistake my sudden confession for something else, Mother. I know that in my heart, what I feel is not love. And I’m hesitant of accepting my lust after the Prince lest he mistakes it for love. He says he loves me, wholly and purely. What if I can’t return that love? And if I can, what if it is not the same way he loves me? Someone like him deserves real love, and I am unsure of whether I can come to give him that. I do not want to play him for a fool because I desire him. That is what terrifies me the most._

_Yuta_

* * *

“Uncle Yuta, Uncle Yuta,” Hajoon exclaimed, jumping onto the sofa beside Yuta. “Open mine next.”

Yuta carefully took the box from Hajoon’s hands and unwrapped the decorative paper. He pulled open the box and laughed at the sight. Two small wooden dolls dressed in small velvet suits looked back up at him. He pulled one of them out and showed it to everyone.

“It’s you and me!” Hajoon explained, pulling the other doll out of the box.

“Hajoon, please let Yuta see his gift himself,” the Princess chided with a soft laugh.

Hajoon handed over the doll but remained close to him, pointing at their little faces with his stubby finger. “This one is me. See? He’s smaller,” he said. “That one is you. He’s bigger than this one.”

Yuta examined the dolls carefully. 

Hajoon had not made them himself, and if anything, it was the Princess and her husband that had the dolls custom made for him with their money. Still, Yuta was sure that this was only an idea Hajoon would have and he loved it.

They didn’t look much like either of them at all. Their faces were painted on with black, making them have dark pupils and eyebrows, and a bright pink line made their lips. Two equally bright pink dots were on the dolls’ cheeks. Yuta thought they were rather cute.

“They’re beautiful,” Yuta said, placing both the dolls back into the box gingerly. He wrapped his arms around Hajoon. He felt Hajoon’s short arms wrap themselves around his waist. “Thank you for the gift. We’ll play with them later.”

Hajoon pushed himself off the sofa and grabbed the next box. It was the smallest box out of them all. “This is from Grandma and Grandpa,” he said, placing the box on Yuta’s lap.

Yuta unwrapped it and opened the box. The inside was lined with a deep red velvet and tucked in the center of the box was a silver key. Yuta lifted it from the box and showed it to everyone. Everyone apart from the Queen and King looked at him curiously.

“A key?” he asked, turning to the Queen and King.

“It’s a very special key,” the Queen said with a smile. “It’s a key to a house.”

“A house?” Yuta looked at the key in between his fingers. “That’s... too much, isn’t it?”

Yuta looked around at everyone. They looked as surprised as he felt. He turned the key over in his hand, staring at it once more.

“I can’t…”

“Now, dear, don’t tell me you won’t accept it,” the Queen scolded. She made her way over and sat beside Yuta. “This key belongs to a small house in the Yuksan Mountains.”

“Up north?” He looked at her, mouth open like a fool. “This…”

“You’re free to do whatever you like with the house. Build onto it, tear it down, sell it... the house and the land it stands on belongs to you, and you only,” she said. “If you’d like, you and Taeyong can live there from now on, or you can live there only during the warmer season. You can bring your family to the house... It’s all yours.”

“Mother…” Yuta trailed off. He looked at the key again. He had a house. He felt dizzy. He choked up, feeling tears forming in his eyes. “Thank you.”

The Queen took Yuta into her arms and hugged him tightly. “It’s the least we could do,” she said as she pulled away. She carefully wiped away Yuta’s tears with her thumbs. “We keep you locked up in this palace without a thing to do, child.”

Yuta held back a sob and tried his best to laugh normally. “Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”

The Queen smiled at him softly. She looked towards the Prince. “Taeyong, it’s your turn,” she said.

“Right,” the Prince said. He moved to retrieve his present for Yuta. It was the largest one. It was wide and tall, but thin. The Prince carried it over to Yuta. He stood in front of him, holding the large rectangular gift. “Even though you didn’t have a present for me, I have prepared this for you.”

Yuta almost scowled at the Prince, feeling his genuine gratitude for the gift he had just received vanish almost immediately. Yuta did have a present for him. It simply just hadn’t arrived at the palace yet. Instead of telling him this for the third time tonight, Yuta wiped his remaining tears away, reached out and pulled the decorative wrapping paper off. The Prince held it steady, eyes trained on Yuta, waiting for his reaction.

The wrapping paper fell onto the floor and revealed the present underneath. Yuta held his breath as he laid eyes on it. Beside him, the Queen let out a soft gasp. Everyone around them came closer to inspect it.

“That’s beautiful,” the Princess murmured, looking at the gift in awe.

Yuta felt more tears form in his eyes.

The Prince had a portrait of Yuta’s family painted for him. The golden frame held a large painting of his parents and his sisters. From the background, Yuta could see that they were at their home in Modan-ri. The bright green forest stood in the background, tall evergreen trees that never withered away, and the small homes that made up the western border of Modan-ri were in the middle ground, smoke coming out from the chimneys on their roofs. In the foreground was Yuta’s family.

His father was dressed in his best suit, standing tall and proud like Yuta remembered him to be. Beside him was his mother, a little shorter than his father but still standing tall and confidently, wearing the dress that she received from the Princess all those months ago during their visit. She had a soft smile as she held onto the arm of Yuta’s father. Seated in front of his parents were Yuta’s sisters. Momoka sat to the left, smiling in her pale yellow dress, hands crossed over her lap, and Haruna sat to the right, dressed in a pink dress, holding a small bouquet in her hands.

It had been so long since he had seen his family. He had been at the palace for six months now and hadn’t seen his family in five. Yuta thought he would never forget the way that they looked during his time at the palace, but he had found himself forgetting the simplest details about the people he loved dearly. There were days when he had to think about how his family looked like, how they sounded, and how it felt to be near them after becoming so accustomed to life at the palace.

He studied their faces on the portrait. Had Yuta’s parents been so tan with that much graying hair the last time he saw them? Had Haruna’s face always been that round, giving her such a doll-like appearance? Had Momoka always had those beauty marks dotting her cheeks? 

Yuta felt a sob come up into his throat.

“It’s very beautiful,” he managed to say. He reached out to touch the surface of the glass that protected the portrait underneath. He ran his fingers over the glass, tracing his mother’s face. He was aware that he was leaving his smudged fingerprints on the glass but he didn’t care. He looked up at the Prince. “It looks just like them.”

“I hope so,” the Prince replied softly. There was a hint of a smile on his lips. “I thought it could be placed in our rooms, beside us.”

“I would love that,” Yuta murmured, dropping his gaze back to the portrait.

Yuta felt his heart clench as he watched the Prince set the portrait aside. He looked at it for a few more moments. He felt the tears begin to leave his eyes as he admired it. 

His family had been immortalized in this one portrait. Even if he went years without seeing them, Yuta would always have this version of them with him at the palace.

Momoka was not visibly pregnant so it must’ve been painted a few months ago. How long had the Prince had this gift prepared for Yuta? He wanted to ask, but as he watched the Prince begin to quietly clean up the decorative wrapping paper from the floor, Yuta bit the inside of his cheek. They still weren’t on speaking terms.

Hajoon carefully made his way back over to Yuta. He raised his small hands and wiped Yuta’s cheeks with his palms. “Don’t cry, Uncle Yuta,” he said gently. He was frowning. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m crying because I’m happy,” Yuta replied with a watery laugh. “I’m very, very happy with Uncle Yong’s gift to me.”

Hajoon looked pensive for a moment, hands still resting on Yuta’s wet cheeks. “Uncle Yong has been preparing that gift for a long time,” he finally confessed. He let out a small gasp, eyes widening. “He told me not to tell you!”

Yuta’s gaze moved back to the Prince. He was thanking his sister and brother-in-law for their gifts. He had received several rare books and accessories from them. He seemed to be genuinely pleased with the gifts, a wide smile on his face.

“How long ago, Hajoon?” Yuta asked, looking back at the small boy.

Hajoon finally removed his hands from Yuta’s face. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Uncle Yong said I couldn’t tell you,” he said.

“Hajoon, how long?” Yuta pressed carefully. “Please tell me.”

The boy tried to keep the straightest face he could. “I can’t say,” he said. His eyes wandered around the room. “But it was a long time ago.”

“Before my birthday?” Yuta asked. He watched as Hajoon tilted his head to the side, a pensive look on his face. Yuta smiled. “Before Lady Seulgi’s wedding?”

Hajoon quickly moved and pressed both his hands to Yuta’s mouth. “Uncle Yuta!” he exclaimed. “Don’t tell him I told you!”

Yuta grabbed Hajoon’s wrists and pulled his hands away. “I won’t tell him,” he comforted, holding his little hands in his. “I promise, Hajoon.”

Hajoon gave him a look but relaxed after a moment. “Uncle Yong wanted you to like it,” he said quietly. “He was worried that you wouldn’t.”

“Of course I like it,” Yuta replied. “I love it.”

Hajoon smiled. “Please tell Unce Yong that. He would like to hear that!”

* * *

When the Prince’s gift finally arrived, the holiday was a thing of last week and the start of the new year was just a day away. 

The gift arrived with little fanfare from anyone. No one questioned the arrival of the carriage. No one knew what it held, but everyone knew that it was for Yuta. He had Taeil inform the correct people of the arrival of an unknown carriage. They had passed through the palace entrance without much trouble. Taeil had pulled Yuta out of the library to hand him the letter that had arrived from his mother and to greet the men that came out of the carriage.

Two gentlemen brought the gift in, and Taeil took over the speaking.

Yuta listened halfheartedly, simply smiling and bowing his head at the two men. His mind was a little preoccupied, thinking of the letter he held in his hand, and it was difficult to listen, especially as he could barely understand the men. They had thick accents when the spoke, and they spoke quickly, too quick for Yuta to pick up more than a few words. Taeil seemed to have no issue understanding them and answered their questions and comments without hesitation.

“The payment has been taken care of,” Taeil said, bowing his head.

The two gentlemen bowed back.

“Thank you for giving her a home,” one of them said. “Good day, Your Royal Highness.”

Yuta offered a small smile to them.

It was Taeil that bent down to pick her up then. Yuta stood back a little, just watching. She was a small thing, not even a quarter of Zennie’s size. Her fur was long and white, but her small head was a mixture of brown and black fur. She had a high-pitched bark that echoed through the palace entrance. Yuta was unsure of what kind of dog she was, but she was cute regardless.

Despite already being an older adult dog, she had plenty of energy. She ran around their legs, claws clicking on the marble floor, which made it difficult for Taeil to grab her. Once he did, he thanked the handlers one last time and they both watched as the handlers packed up and left, their carriage moving through the cleared path.

In Taeil’s arms, the small dog squirmed and he huffed as he tried to find the correct way to carry her.

“Would you like to accompany me to give her to Taeyong?” he asked once he had the dog calmly in his arms.

Yuta looked at the dog. She had big brown eyes and a cute little black nose. Her big ears were sticking up and out. She tried to lick Taeil’s hand.

Yuta waved his hand, looking away from the dog. “That won’t be necessary,” he said. He held up his hand and Taeil’s eyes landed on the letter he handed Yuta minutes ago. “I’m going to read this. And I have agreed to meet with Hayoon, so I must go…”

Taeil gave him a nod. “Very well.” He looked at the dog. “I’ll get her to Taeyong then.”

Yuta watched as Taeil disappeared down the hall with the small dog in his arms. He sighed.

Things had not picked up since their arrival from Wenzhou. Yuta had avoided the Prince at all costs, not wanting to be near him unless it was necessary. He had been staying in another room for over a month now. He had gotten over needing to have the Prince’s warmth beside him and had grown used to going to bed alone once again. It was something he hadn’t more than a handful of times since getting married five months ago. He had only slept beside the Prince for five months, and the rest of his life had been spent sleeping alone, yet he found it hard to go back to sleeping alone.

He also rose later than usual, a combination of wanting to avoid the Prince and a need to remain under the warm blankets during the unbearably cold morning, missing breakfast with the Prince, who rose even earlier than before as had been swarmed with meetings with court members, according to Taeil.

In his free time, Yuta had picked up studying. He couldn’t venture outside as much as he liked now since winter had finally settled down, bringing fresh layers of snow every day. He had read plenty of books in the libraries over the last six months, mostly sticking to the fiction novels and historical books, but he had taken started reading the large books that were about the laws of the kingdom. He had also finally taken up the Princess’s invitations to her meetings with the court members. He never participated in the discussion since he had to real power like she did; he just sat back and watched, learning as much as he could from it. It was a distraction that needed his undivided attention.

The meetings also went on for hours on end. There were small breaks every few hours, and a large intermission during midday for lunch. Talks would resume after the meal and continue until dinner was almost ready. Dinner was the only meal that Yuta couldn’t avoid. It would be too obvious if he avoided dinner with the Prince.

No one said anything to him about his avoidance. He knew that everyone knew that something had happened between them, but no one had asked. Not even Taeil, who seemed to be a little more worried for Yuta than everyone else in the palace.

Yuta tried not to think about it too much. He tried not to think of the Prince’s words, though he found himself repeating them in his mind some nights. It made him uncomfortable, but not because he thought their feelings were wrong. It was uncomfortable because the Prince seemed to be able to read Yuta’s feelings before he had and he knew that Yuta wanted him. It was as Yuta’s mother had said. The Prince had realized Yuta’s hesitance before him, and he wanted Yuta to acknowledge his feelings.

He was terrified of doing so. The more he thought about it, laying alone in the guest bedchamber in the dead of night, the more Yuta realized that he was attracted to the Prince. He was certainly attracted to the Prince. There was no excusing the subconscious need he had been having for the Prince, wanting to feel him again, closer than before. And each time they got close, Yuta wanted him more than before.

Yuta knew that the Prince was right when he said that things had changed since the night at the manor all those months ago, and with what happened in Wenzhou, there was no going back to how it was before. Somehow, Yuta had formed this attraction and he couldn’t shake it. It only seemed to grow, and that terrified him.

The night at the manor had been the start. It was the beginning of everything. The Prince had given Yuta his first experience of being intimate with a person and it had felt electrifying.

And the kiss before Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan’s wedding had only made Yuta realize that more. Realizing that the Prince was beautiful had left Yuta alarmed. He had never thought of anyone as such. He had never been so taken by someone’s appearance as he had by the Prince’s. He had never noticed all the small details of someone as he had the Prince’s. He had never felt attracted to each little thing he laid his eyes upon, as he had with the Prince.

And the kiss itself. The kiss itself was something else. It was short, but sweet somehow. Both of them had been aware of what they were doing at that time. The Prince had left Yuta breathless, his body warm with energy. Yuta remembered thinking to himself, “Why shouldn’t I readily accept his kiss?”

Wenzhou had almost been an exact repeat of the night at the manor, but instead of Yuta being drunk, it was the Prince and they had gone even further than before. Their kisses and touches had been less frantic, but just as electric.

 _Am I taking advantage of you for doing this?_ The Prince wasn’t. Yuta had accepted his advances without much hesitation. He had voiced his acceptance. _No. You’re not like that._

 _I don’t ever want to hurt you._ The Prince wouldn’t. Yuta had come to see that the Prince cared for everyone around him. He would never hurt Yuta. _You won’t hurt me._

_Can you do it, Yuta?_

Yuta knew that the Prince had read his letter to his mother. He had never confronted him about it and the Prince never said anything of it either. Yuta wondered what he thought. The letter had Yuta’s most sincere thoughts and feelings, things meant for only his mother’s eyes, and the Prince had read it.

It was embarrassing to know that the Prince knew how Yuta felt. Yuta had misinterpreted his feelings in that letter. He had denied it all. Had the Prince felt heartbroken?

_Can you bring yourself to touch me again?_

If Yuta thought about it too much, it felt unusual. But if Yuta allowed himself to just act just like he had in Wenzhou… If he just accepted it all… He wondered if that would be enough.

* * *

_My dearest son, Yuta,_

_My son, it appears you are already in love. But I must ask you. Clear your mind and think about the questions I’m going to ask thoroughly._

_Are you in love? Do you feel it in your stomach? And does that feeling stretch into your throat until you don’t know what to say?_

_When you see yourself in the future, frail and gray, who do you want beside you when you wake to start your day? Is it Mina, the Prince, or someone else entirely?_

_I know what you are thinking, but your old mother is not being dramatic. Being in love feels this way._

_Are you in love? Does it shake you down to your core and wake you in the middle of the night, terrified, but you feel like you still want it? Do you feel like you can’t breathe without it?_

_Yuta, if you answered yes to all the things above, then yes, my son, it appears you are in love._

_Mama_

* * *

The question remained.

Even through the meeting that Hayoon invited him to, it echoed through his mind. Yuta hardly heard a word of what anyone said. Yuta heard mentions of Kang-eup and Lord Kang, but he couldn’t bring himself to listen to the woman that had brought it up. He just stared blankly at the blank paper before him, given to him by Hayoon herself for him to take notes like he usually did.

Yuta wrote notes on everything during the council meetings. But today, he hadn’t written a single thing. He hadn’t even moved to pick up the pen or open the ink well.

He knew that Hayoon noticed it almost immediately, but she said nothing, not even during the short breaks. She gave him knowing glances though.

Yuta had become too close to Princess Hayoon for her not to notice he was distracted.

But Yuta couldn’t help it. He wanted to just turn off his thoughts, but he couldn’t.

After all this time, Yuta didn’t know how he felt. He was sure that he wanted the Prince. There was no denying the fact that Yuta wanted to touch him and kiss him once again. It was almost as if he was becoming addicted to the thought of kissing and touching the Prince, and being able to do so whenever and wherever he wanted, as many times as he wanted, was a tempting thought. But that was it. There was nothing more to Yuta’s feelings. As shameful as it was, Yuta just wanted to be with him like that and now, more than ever, he was imagining it. 

The Prince knew that Yuta wanted to feel that once again. Yuta wondered if the Prince thought of it often, the way that he did. The Prince seemed to be too innocent to indulge in such thoughts, despite being the one that took control in the couple of moments they had together. He had been embarrassed when he had read Yuta’s letter.

Imagining how the Prince must’ve looked with Yuta’s letter in hand, reading about how Yuta found him beautiful and how Yuta dreamt of the night at the manor constantly, was an image that Yuta couldn’t shake from his brain. Remembering how flushed the Prince had been when Yuta found him that day, Yuta wanted to know how he felt, after reading Yuta’s letter to his mother.

They had truly never really spoken about that night. The Prince had mentioned it when they arrived from Wenzhou, but before then, it seemed like they both pretended it hadn’t happened. The only proof that something had occurred was the damage done to Yuta’s skin, the pain that he had inflicted on himself the day after, but his skin had healed long ago.

Yuta wondered if the Prince thought of it often. Yuta did, of course, painstakingly so. He had been drunk that night, so his recollection of what led to it was fuzzy around the edges, but the rest was clear as crystal. There was no forgetting that night, as drunk as he might’ve been.

The taste of the wine so sweet on the Prince’s lips had been so intoxicating. The feeling of the Prince’s mouth, soft lips against Yuta’s and his warm tongue licking along Yuta’s bottom lip. The way the Prince’s hands grabbed him tightly, holding him in place, and then how the Prince pushed Yuta down onto the bed, sitting on him… 

The Prince’s soft moans had elicited sounds from Yuta as well, only further stimulated by the slow kisses the Prince had pressed down his jaw to his neck. The friction that was created as Yuta had thrust up, trying to find relief, only separated by his shirt and the Prince’s breeches, which had caused such immense pleasure for Yuta…

Or even the night in Wenzhou, something that Yuta had tried to forget but couldn’t. The night in Wenzhou was the largest turning point for them, considering what they had done.

Did the Prince think of that? Yuta flushed at the thought, remembering where he was. What an inappropriate place to think of such things, he scolded himself.

It was not love that he felt. If Yuta only thought about the physical moments he had with the Prince, he couldn’t be in love with him. 

His mind wandered to safer things then. He wondered how the Prince must’ve reacted when Taeil presented the dog to him. Was he happy with her? Did she like him?

After all the times that the Prince and Yuta had spent with Zennie, Yuta had decided on buying a dog rather quickly. It seemed that the Prince had a soft spot for two things: children and animals. Yuta couldn’t give the Prince a child, so an animal it was.

It hadn’t taken too long to find the dog. Taeil worked quickly when Yuta asked him for something. Taeil had various contacts all over the place that were able to put them in touch with the right people. Since Yuta hadn’t been specific in his request, it was almost too easy to find the perfect gift for the Prince. He just wanted a small dog, preferably one that was already grown. It was much cheaper than buying a newborn animal, not that it mattered with the amount of allowance Yuta received.

Once everything was taken care of, the dog had been sent by carriage. She had only traveled for a little over a week. Yuta had hoped for an earlier arrival but due to the weather, it had been delayed. The Prince’s snarky comments on the holiday had bothered Yuta. Just because Yuta and the Prince weren’t speaking didn’t mean Yuta would snuff him and not get him a gift.

Yuta hoped that after the Prince saw the dog, he would understand.

After what felt like an eternity, the council meeting was adjourned, just as the sun began to disappear over the horizon but Yuta barely noticed everyone beginning to collect their belongings and leave. It wasn’t until he felt a hand on his shoulder that he was jolted out of his thoughts.

“Yuta,” Hayoon said softly. “You’ve been distracted all day. You’re usually so attentive. Is something wrong?”

He looked up at him. “No, not at all,” he insisted. “Everything is all right.”

She looked unconvinced. It was moments like these where Yuta was reminded of Momoka, and of what she would tell him. _Yuta, don’t stress yourself out too much. Take it easy._ Momoka had told him those words many times before.

Hayoon was different than Momoka in many ways, of course, but after so many months, Yuta had begun to see her as an older sister. It was somehow different than the relationship Yuta had with Momoka. She and Yuta were only separated by a year, always close and each other’s partner in crime, but Hayoon was seven years older than him, so somehow, it felt as though she was someone that Yuta could look up to and ask for guidance. Whereas Momoka was more like a friend to Yuta, Hayoon felt like another motherly figure to him

“Please take care of yourself,” Hayoon said gently. “If there is something on your mind, please tell me. It’s good for your health to let out your thoughts. Please, take it easy.”

At this, Yuta cracked a smile. “Spoken like a true older sister,” he told her.

Hayoon laughed. “It comes with a lifetime of experience, little brother,” she said with a smile. She squeezed his shoulder. “Dinner should be ready soon. Please rest, Yuta.”

She bid him goodnight and left the room. Yuta got up from his chair and smoothed down the front of his suit. He sighed, the sound echoing in the empty room. The screech of the chair’s legs against the floor also echoed through the room, and his footsteps were loud, almost too loud, as he made his way to the door.

He left the room, closing the door behind him. It was quiet in the hall, but Yuta’s thoughts were loud.

He tried to sort them out, trying to focus on one at a time as he made his way to the dining hall. There was no one wandering about, everybody going to eat dinner in one of the many dining halls or retreating to their rooms for the night. Not even the maids were about, all of them preparing bedchambers for the night, working in the kitchen, or finishing up their duties elsewhere in the palace.

The quiet was nice and Yuta was finally going to open the gates and let everything come back once again.

If the Prince loved him, he would understand, right? He must understand that Yuta was struggling to come to terms with everything. Yuta’s life had been changed drastically and quickly because of him, so it made sense if Yuta was hesitating. It had taken so long for Yuta to break through the Prince’s walls, and even after he had, there was still so much that he didn’t know about the Prince. Yuta didn’t even know the simple things about his husband, like his favorite color or his favorite food, and they had been married for five months now.

They were not like most married couples, that was for sure. Momoka and Yonghoon had gotten married after years of being together and getting to know each other. Yuta’s parents had known each other their entire lives. The married couples of Modan-ri had also known each other before being married. Every married couple in Yuta’s life had gotten to love each other before being married. Yuta had expected his life to follow the same road.

But it hadn’t happened like that. Yuta and the Prince had done it all backward. They got married first, without knowing anything, and now… were they supposed to fall in love?

Was Yuta supposed to find out all of the Prince’s imperfections, his habits and quirks, and fall in love with them just like that?

He didn’t know if he could do that. 

Yuta had learned a lot about what marriage was supposed to be like from his parents. They had been happily married for almost thirty years now and Yuta could still feel the love that they had for each other, even though they had some bad habits of their own.

His mother had a habit of worrying about things could happen in the future. She always thought too ahead into the future, which didn’t allow her to enjoy some things at the moment they were happening. While it had sometimes bothered Yuta and his sisters, who had always been able to enjoy things during the present without worrying about the past or the future, Yuta’s father always said he loved that about her.

“She thinks about all the possibilities that could be and can choose the best route when it comes to it,” was what he told Yuta one time. “Worries her pretty, little mind over everything, and I am here to help her carry the burden, Yuta. And believe it or not, she’s the one who’s gotten us this far, son.”

And Yuta’s father had a terrible habit of eating too many sweets before meals. He couldn’t keep his hands away from the candies that were sold in the village center and he couldn’t go a few hours without munching on something sweet. While any other wife might have had a problem with it, Yuta’s mother had simply encouraged it by packing sweets for him to take with him or having them prepared for him to enjoy while she cooked dinner.

“Papa loves eating sweets, Yuta. And he’s so skinny despite eating so many of them each day! It’s all right if he eats a few sweets before the meal,” Yuta’s mother said countless of times.

His parents had many more habits and quirks, and while Yuta found some of their habits odd and others troublesome, his parents seemed to love each other more because of them. That was what marriage was to Yuta. Loving each other regardless of the little things that others might find troublesome and odd, and coming to appreciate those little things for what they were.

Yuta had come to appreciate many of Mina’s little things. He loved the way she put her hand on her chest when she laughed sometimes, and the way she softly tapped her foot against the floor when she was sitting down. Mina also loved eating snacks throughout the day and Yuta had picked up a small habit of buying her food to give her whenever he stopped by the schoolhouse. She hated pickled plum, so when he had lunch with her and her mother packed them, Yuta wordlessly took them and ate them for her. 

Yuta had come to love all these things and more, about her over the years he’d known her.

If he was honest, Yuta had seen a bright future with Mina. He knew her and everything that made her… her. They would live comfortably in Modan-ri, work to build their own home, have their children, love their children and love each other until death made them part. But the possibility of a future with her had been torn away, and now after months of being apart, Yuta’s affections seemed to have shifted to someone else.

His mother had asked him who he wanted beside him in the future. Yuta didn’t know how to answer that question. He already knew who would be beside him in the future. It didn’t matter if he wanted someone else. It wasn’t like Yuta was choosing who he was spending the rest of his life with. The choice had already been made the moment the Prince touched Yuta’s face during the day of his ceremony.

The Prince was going to wake up beside Yuta in the future. It was the Prince that would be beside Yuta when he was old and weak. Yuta had to imagine his life with the Prince from now on. 

So, was Yuta supposed to learn to love the Prince’s habits and quirks now?

What if Yuta hated them? What if he hated the way the Prince mouthed every word as he read silently before bed? What if he absolutely couldn’t stand the way the Prince held his breath when he was completely focused on a task? What if he was annoyed by the fact that the Prince constantly bit at his nails? What if he hated the way the Prince needed to have everything in order at all times? 

No, Yuta thought. He didn’t hate these things that the Prince did. He hadn’t even realized he had picked up on so many of his habits already. He hadn’t even realized that he found them somewhat endearing.

They were endearing, but Yuta didn’t love them. He couldn’t possibly love those types of things about the Prince, right?

And how many habits of Yuta’s had the Prince picked up? He was far more observant than Yuta and was the kind of person that picked up on these things quicker. He must’ve noticed all the annoying things Yuta did within the first few weeks of being married to Yuta.

Yuta turned into the dining hall and saw the Prince already sitting down at the table in his seat. Another question crossed Yuta’s mind as the Prince turned to meet his eyes.

If the Prince knew all of Yuta’s habits and quirks, had he fallen in love with them over half a year?

It was impossible, Yuta thought. He had some terrible habits that even his family couldn’t get used to, much less learn to love and appreciate. There’s no way that the Prince knew these things about Yuta.

Yuta sat down and waited for the maids to fill his cup and bring him his bowl of rice.

“Are you all right?”

Yuta looked at the Prince beside him, snapping out of his thoughts. “What?”

“You’re pale,” the Prince said. He raised a hand and brought it to Yuta’s face but didn’t touch him. Yuta held his breath. The Prince’s hand hovered for a second before he dropped it, sighing. He looked at his bowl of rice instead. “You look ill.”

“I’m all right,” Yuta replied, releasing all the air he had been holding in with one deep exhale. He turned his gaze to his bowl.

That was another small habit that the Prince had developed and that Yuta noticed. He always wanted to touch Yuta. The Prince always made small gestures towards anyone he was talking to, but they were a little more intimate towards Yuta. They weren’t significant touches at all. They were made in passing. A firm hand resting on the small of Yuta’s back as they stood side by side, talking to court members, or softly placing a hand against Yuta’s temple to keep him in place as the Prince looked at him. Yuta had gotten too used to it, he barely noticed them. And now that he hadn’t even been beside the Prince for more than the length of a meal had Yuta realized how much he missed it.

Yuta shook the thoughts out of his head. There was no way.

He quietly picked up his chopsticks and brought his hands together. 

They both said thanks for the meal and began eating. Dinner has always been a rather quiet affair for them, the dining hall always filled with the soft music being played in the corner. The number of spectators that watched them enjoy dinner had decreased rapidly and on a bad night, there would be two or three, their murmurs echoing. Tonight there was none.

The Prince never once tried to talk to Yuta about his day during the meal in the time they’ve been married, and Yuta hadn’t made that effort either. Dinner had become the time that they were able to sit in quiet and just enjoy a break from everything else, especially for the Prince. But since they had arrived from Wenzhou, dinnertime felt tense and Yuta felt like being anywhere but in the dining hall. 

And apparently, the Prince was going to make them sit through the awkwardness of speaking to each other tonight.

“Thank you, Yuta,” he said, not turning towards him.

“For?”

The Prince brought his chopsticks to his mouth but didn’t put the food in his mouth. “For Ruby.”

“Ruby?”

“The dog,” the Prince clarified. “Her name is Ruby. She’s the most beautiful dog I’ve seen.”

The way that Yuta’s heart jumped scared him. He bit back the smile that threatened to make itself known. He was delighted to know that the Prince liked the dog. Somehow, it soothed his heart to know that even if Yuta wasn’t on speaking terms with the Prince, at least the dog, Ruby, was with him.

“Ruby,” Yuta repeated. “Like the gem.”

“Yes, Ruby… like the gem.”

It was quiet for a while. Yuta tried to focus on eating. He trained his eyes on the food he held in his chopsticks and then mentally counted the number of times he chewed. He studied the dishes set out before them on the large table. As always, a variety of dishes had been offered to them, from pickled blossoms to the most delicate cuts of meat. Usually, Yuta only took from a few, but tonight he was determined to try all of them if only to just focus on eating. There was also a selection of wine and Yuta thought he might just indulge in some before leaving for bed.

“I was with Hajoon today,” the Prince said quietly.

Yuta tensed up in his seat at the sound of his voice. He tried to relax as he reached out to pick up a few slices of pickled plum from a small bowl in front of them. He studied it for a second, remembered Mina once again. “Oh?”

“I sat with him through his lesson with Jungwoo,” the Prince continued. He made no move to look at Yuta and focused on picking up grains of rice with his chopsticks. “Jungwoo was kind enough to let Hajoon go after a few hours of studying. He learned more new words today than ever before. I’m sure that my sister will be happy to see his improvement.”

“I’m sure he’s showing Hayoon as we speak,” Yuta replied rather stiffly once he swallowed his food.

“When we finished, I met with some court members,” the Prince said. He let the rice fall from his chopsticks. Yuta paused. “They always try to mask their ridiculous demands, telling me that it’s for the best interest of the people. As if they truly care for the people…”

The sigh that escaped the Prince’s lips alarmed Yuta. He finally looked at the Prince. He looked worn out, tired as if he hadn’t slept in days and hadn’t taken a moment to rest since then.

Yuta’s instinct was to reach out, to comfort him. Yuta’s instinct was to take the Prince’s hand and tell him it was alright. Yuta was there for him. Yuta was the Prince’s support.

But Yuta didn’t reach out. He set his chopsticks down and brought his hands to his lap, balling them into fists. “You work so hard,” Yuta said slowly and carefully. “You’re a good person.”

“The older I get, the harder it becomes to deal with all the old men. Doesn’t matter how good of a person I am.” The Prince let out a dry laugh. He set his chopsticks down as well, his hands sitting on either side of his bowl. “How my sister has done this every day for the last fourteen years of her life, I don’t know… She’s much more suited for this than I am. My parents were blessed she was born as their first child.”

“You do your best,” Yuta interrupted. He kept his hands to himself despite wanting to touch the Prince.

Now, this was an imperfection of the Prince’s that Yuta hated for certain. The Prince’s self-doubt was always lingering in the back of his mind. There was the initial moment when Yuta comforted him, the night they received the wedding invitation to Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan’s wedding, and since then, Yuta had made sure that the Prince didn’t fall back into his spiral of self-doubt, bringing his attention to something else, anything else but the work he did every day as prince.

“You do what you think will help the people, and that is what Hayoon does as well. You’re suited for this as much as she is,” Yuta said softly.

The Prince finally looked at Yuta. There was something in his eyes that Yuta couldn’t make out. “You’ve said something like that before,” he said quietly.

Yuta blinked. “Because it’s true,” he replied. “You’re a good person, and if your parents had you as their firstborn, everything would still be in good hands.”

A weak smile appeared on the Prince’s face. Yuta barely caught a glimpse of it as the Prince turned and faced forward once again. “Say, if I had been their firstborn, we wouldn’t have married,” the Prince said.

“I suppose not,” Yuta replied. He tensed up again.

He didn’t know where this was going. What was the Prince thinking of right now?

Yuta swore that the musicians began to play a little softer. He wanted to tell them to leave. It quickly became clear that this was supposed to be a private conversation between Yuta and the Prince. But he couldn’t do that.

“Unless I had been born seven years earlier as well. But that would be unlikely,” Yuta added on with an attempt at a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

“Would that have been better?”

Yuta kept his eyes on the Prince. His heart was beating hard in his chest. “What do you mean?”

“Would it have been better if we never married at all?”

The music seemed the pick up in the corner and Yuta straightened in his seat. He took several deep breaths.

“Do you think that would have been better?” Yuta asked when he was sure that his voice wouldn’t fail him. “Would you have chosen someone else?”

The Prince was quiet. Yuta thought he wasn’t going to answer but then he sighed once again. “Had I been the firstborn, there’s also the possibility that I would have enjoyed a woman’s company,” he said seriously. “Everything would be different.”

Yuta tried to collect himself. “Would you like if everything was different?”

The Prince said nothing. He simply picked up his half-empty chalice and a young man came running over, filling it back up with wine. He took a drink, picked up his chopsticks, and continued eating.

Yuta couldn’t believe it.

The Prince _loved_ Yuta, didn’t he? And he… he was coming to accept his feelings. Wasn’t that right? If the Prince wanted things to be different because he thought Yuta couldn’t love him back, Yuta didn’t know what to do. Perhaps the Prince was much different than Yuta thought he was. If this was the case, the Prince wasn’t at all understanding him. Did the Prince wish everything was different? Was Yuta supposed to live the rest of his life knowing that his husband regretted marrying him?

“I asked you a question,” Yuta said.

“You asked if I’d like things to be different,” the Prince said. He held up a small pickled plum in his chopsticks and studied it, turning his wrist to look at every part of the little pink fruit held between the thin sticks. “Pickled plum. My mother loves them. My father hates them. During dinner, she always served him pickled plum, and even though he hated them, he ate them because it made her happy to see him enjoy one of her favorite things.”

Yuta clenched his jaw, feeling a spike in annoyance at the Prince’s avoidance. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“I’d like things to be different if it would make you happy,” the Prince replied. He finally took a bite of the plum. He dropped the rest of it into his bowl of rice. “There’s my answer.”

“I never said I wasn’t happy,” Yuta shot back quickly. “How do you know I want things to be different?”

“Then let me ask you,” the Prince said harshly. 

The Prince let go of his chopsticks and they fell onto the floor. A maid came rushing to pick them up but the Prince held a hand up, stopping her before she made it halfway to them. She carefully stepped back, her head hanging low. She excused herself out of the dining hall quietly.

In the corner, the musicians seemed to play a little louder, even beginning to hum along to the tune they were playing.

“Would you like if everything was different?” The Prince’s voice was low. There’s no way the musicians heard him.

Yuta held his breath.

The immediate answer on his tongue was no. Yuta wanted to say no, he wouldn’t like if everything was different. _No, I’ve come to love this place. I’ve come to love your entire family, Taeil and Dongyoung…_

His heart began to beat hard in his chest as his mind processed his thoughts.

_What if I’ve come to love you? What if I don’t think I’d be able to live happily in another life knowing that you wouldn’t love me?_

“No,” Yuta finally choked out. It felt like coming up for air after being pushed too far underwater for too long. “No,” he repeated.

Yuta was startled.

“That’s my answer,” Yuta said, his voice sounding foreign to him.

“That’s rather selfish of you, Yuta,” the Prince said. He pushed his chair back and stood. “But it’s more selfish of me, feeling pleased with the fact that you wouldn’t change a thing.”

The Prince began walking away and Yuta was left there, staring after him, speechless.

It was selfish of Yuta. He had the Prince in the palm of his hand. The affection that the Prince had shown him so wholeheartedly, the love that he had professed to Yuta so emotionally, and the way the Prince offered himself entirely… Yuta was taking advantage of it all as he took his sweet, precious time sorting out his feelings.

He pushed his half-eaten bowl of rice away and got up. The maids quickly reappeared. He said nothing to them as they rushed by him to begin cleaning up. He left the dining hall quietly.

The Prince was nowhere to be seen already. The halls were even quieter than before.

Yuta climbed the two flights of stairs to the third floor. He passed several doors that were part of the Prince’s wing. He was tempted to go all the way down and just go into the rooms that he was supposed to be sharing with the Prince.

Yuta needed to tell him. But how?

He sighed as he stopped in front of the door that led to the room he had been staying in. He pushed it open after a moment of hesitation.

It was nowhere as nice or as large as the rooms Yuta and the Prince had been gifted by the Queen, but it was enough to fulfill its purpose. Yuta tried not to spend too much time inside the room, preferring to spend time in places where the Prince wouldn’t go.

He dragged himself to the bedchamber and began to pull off his clothes. He didn’t want to bother Taeil right now, especially after what had transpired over dinner. He was too alarmed by his realization to face Taeil.

Yuta washed his face with lukewarm water in the washbasin. He felt like he was being woken up by the refreshing feeling of the water on his face. He grabbed a small towel and dried his face. 

He tucked his hair behind his ears as he looked into the mirror. 

His hair had grown a lot since he arrived. Instead of the cropped hairstyle he had when he arrived, he now sported a longer hairstyle, the ends of his hair growing well beyond anything reasonable. It fell over his eyes now and tickled the back of his neck. 

And despite not working every day like he once used to, his face had maintained its shape, as had his body, and if anything, he was beginning to look a little thinner now. He remembered that he had seemed to gain a little weight during the first month, but he had quickly lost it once he began walking the gardens daily and getting used to the food. The definition of his muscles had softened since then but little else had changed otherwise.

Yuta recognized himself, but at the same time, he didn’t know who he was looking at. He always thought he knew the person in the mirror, but he was beginning to wonder if he had ever known him at all.

When the Prince looked at Yuta, what did he see?

Did the Prince see the changes that Yuta had gone through? Did he hate Yuta’s hair that way it was now? Had he noticed that Yuta had lost most of his muscle after not having to lift heavy crates every day?

If Yuta could tell the Prince, he would tell the Prince exactly what he saw when he looked at him. 

When Yuta looked at the Prince, it was like looking at a portrait of someone he didn’t know but wanted to learn everything about. Yuta saw the Prince’s kind eyes and felt the energy that the Prince gave off. Yuta saw the Prince’s thin body that made him appear weak, but he knew that the Prince could carry the weight of the world if he wanted to. He saw the Prince’s hands, pale skin with prominent veins, and felt the warmth and comfort Yuta craved. When looking at the Prince’s lips, he heard the soft words filled with affection and felt even softer kisses.

Looking at the Prince was like coming face to face with a character pulled from a lovely fairytale. It was like looking at the strongest, most beautiful person to grace the earth. When the Prince was sad, it was like looking at a pouting child, and when he was happy, it felt like looking up at the sun. 

Yuta looked at the Prince and it felt like crawling into a warm bed after a long day, something that was always there when he needed it to be. 

Yuta went back to the bedchamber and laid in bed, feeling alone.

He fell asleep thinking of the Prince’s face. The Prince in his dreams was smiling, something Yuta hadn’t seen in what felt like forever.

* * *

Princess Eunbi was in better spirits. She was still sick but she had regained many things over the last few months. Her frail, thin body was a little fuller and there was color in her cheeks, her fingertips, the tip of her nose. She was able to move her arms and her hands freely, regaining her strength through drawing and writing. In the last couple of weeks, she had even begun taking a few steps around the room, forcing herself to gain strength in her legs despite the pain that she felt with each movement. And the thing that seemed to make everyone happy, Yuta included, was the fact that Princess Eunbi had regained her voice.

Her voice was soft and sweet, reminding Yuta of when Haruna was her age. Hearing her speak reminded Yuta that Princess Eunbi was still just a child. She was a child in a large house with too many adults.

Her siblings had not been allowed to see her much after they had cried for hours at the sight of seeing their eldest sibling in such a sorry state, and while her mother came by every day for several hours, Princess Eunbi had expressed her want to see someone else besides her mother. It was her that invited Yuta to see Princess Eunbi.

“She’s very interested in you,” the older woman said to him. “She would be really happy if you visited her.” 

Yuta had no issues with that. He wanted to know how she was doing and see her progress as she recovered. He was also interested in getting to know the young girl. And he was very right to be.

Princess Eunbi loved to talk. She could talk for hours and never stop to take a breath. She spoke about her favorite foods, her siblings, her house, her friends―everything and anything that she could think of. She laughed at her own stories and jokes, mumbled to herself when she tried to recount a fact, and even made funny voices when she was telling Yuta dialogue between two different people. She didn’t need Yuta to acknowledge her stories; she didn’t care to check if he was listening, but he always was. He listened intently and when he said something that she had told him before, the gummy smile that appeared on her face was enough to melt his heart.

“It’s very nice to talk to someone that isn’t my mom, or my little brother and sisters,” she told him one afternoon. The sigh that escaped her lips and the expression that crossed her face were enough to make her look older than she was. “I haven’t spoken to anyone else but them in months… I’m sorry, I have a lot to say.”

Yuta didn’t mind if she talked all day. He had grown up with Haruna, who was one of the most talkative people he knew. He enjoyed listening as well. Her stories were rather interesting, and Yuta wondered what it was like to have that childlike wonder. He couldn’t remember being that excited about everything in life when he was her age. He encouraged her to talk, wanting her to get everything out there. She looked like she might burst if she didn’t speak.

But the young girl could also listen. When she tired herself out, she asked Yuta questions and made him talk.

_What are your mom and dad like? What are your sisters like? Did you like your job? What do you miss most about your friends? Have you eaten? What did you eat? Why do you eat such traditional dishes?_

Yuta answered her questions happily, finding her curiosity charming. Only during his last visits had her questions become oddly specific and perhaps cause for worry. He hoped that she wouldn’t ask too many today. He was still tired from the day before.

He made himself comfortable in a chair beside the window, across from the young girl.

Today, she had made it over to the window with some help from her mother. She had a thick blanket draped over her legs and another thick blanket around her shoulders. She was looking out the window, eyes wide as she followed the falling snowflakes.

“The year is nearly over, oppa,” she said. She turned to him. “It’s the last day today!”

Yuta felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment. “Hey, I told you not to call me that,” he murmured.

Princess Eunbi had been insistent on calling him as such, even though Yuta said it was okay for her to use his name. Yuta had hardly ever been called as such, not even by Haruna because she had always referred to him as nii-chan. He had been called hyung many times, but since he didn’t know too many girls younger than him, oppa was hardly used by anyone to address him. She reasoned that Yuta was older than her, and even if everyone else called him by his name or otherwise, she would respectfully refer to him as oppa. She also pointed out that Yuta seemed to enjoy being addressed as such, even though he denied it. It was a little embarrassing in a way, truthfully.

“Oppa,” Princess Eunbi said seriously, not caring to listen or argue with him about it again. “I said that the year has come to an end already.”

“It has,” Yuta replied. “Have you had a good year?”

“Apart from losing Papa and being sick,” she started, “I have had a wonderful year. And I’m happy that I’m alive as we enter the new year. We should all be happy that we’re alive to make it into the new year.”

“You sound very wise for someone your age,” Yuta said with a chuckle. “You’re just a kid, Eunbi. Where did you learn to speak like that?”

She gave Yuta a small smile. “I’m the oldest in my family, and there aren’t too many kids here. I’m afraid I have to be wise and grown-up for my age,” she said carefully. “Especially now that Papa is gone…”

Yuta remained quiet. 

He watched as various emotions crossed the young girl’s face. She looked hurt, sad, and tired, with tears in her eyes but she wouldn’t cry; she had promised Yuta that he would never see her cry, which hurt his heart. She was a child, but she had already face so many struggles. Yuta couldn’t begin to imagine how she felt after losing her father. And falling sick shortly after his death had taken so much from her, not only physically but emotionally and mentally. She had suffered so much, so quickly.

“My mother says that we will probably live here from now on,” she said after composing herself. She was sniffling and her bottom lip quivered as she spoke, but she didn’t make a move to wipe her eyes. “That’s good, isn’t it?”

“We’ll be able to go on that walk come spring if you’re still here,” Yuta confirmed. He tried to smile at her as best as he could. “And I’m sure that Hajoon would love having some more kids that he could play with. He’s been having fun with your siblings these days.”

Princess Eunbi played with a loose thread on the blanket. “If I am better by spring, I would love to walk through the gardens,” she said. She looked up at Yuta. Her eyes were still glassy, but she didn’t look too sad anymore. Instead, she looked curious. “And Taeyong-oppa will come, too?”

Yuta froze for a moment but quickly gathered himself, hoping that she hadn’t seen him hesitate. “Of course he will,” he said. “He would love to come.”

She sniffled once again. She cracked a smile. “Oppa, you like him, right?”

“He’s a good person, anyone would like him,” Yuta replied carefully, eyeing the girl in front of him.

Princess Eunbi shook her head, her short hair swaying over her shoulders as she did. She blinked a few times, and the glassiness seemed to disappear from her eyes. “No, I’m asking if you _like_ him, like almost love.”

“Why do you ask that question?”

“The year is coming to an end,” she said. Yuta narrowed his eyes at her. She finally gave him a gummy smile. “Do you want to end the year with regrets, oppa?”

Yuta let out a surprised laugh. “Eunbi!” he exclaimed. “What are you trying to say?”

Princess Eunbi looked annoyed, but it was cute somehow. “Oppa!” she whined. “If you like him, you have to tell him!”

“We’re married, Eunbi,” Yuta said. His stomach turned into knots as he spoke. “Isn’t that enough? If you like someone, I think marrying them is the most obvious way to let them know.”

She looked unconvinced. “But you got married without liking him!” She huffed, slouching a little in her seat. “If you like someone, the only way to let them know is to tell them. At least, that’s what oppa said.”

Yuta frowned. “When did I tell you that?”

He tried to recall all their conversations, but they had never spoken about such things as liking another person. Princess Eunbi had asked about Mina, and Yuta had gladly told her all about Mina, but she hadn’t asked about things of love during that conversation. She only asked if Yuta was sad to have left her behind to marry the Prince. Unless there was something he couldn’t remember.

“Not you, oppa,” she said. Her cheeks flushed scarlet as she realized something. She was quieter when she spoke next. “Taeyong-oppa said that.”

“Taeyong?” Yuta asked, eyebrows raised. “When did he tell you that?”

Yuta didn’t know that the Prince had been visiting Eunbi as well. How long had he been coming to talk to her? Did the Prince know that Yuta had been visiting Eunbi?

“It’s not important,” Princess Eunbi said. “You never answered my question!”

“You didn’t answer mine.”

Princess Eunbi sighed. “All right,” she huffed. “Taeyong-oppa has been visiting me since you got back from Wenzhou. He said that to me a week after you arrived.”

Yuta wondered exactly what the Prince had told Princess Eunbi. How had they had a conversation about love in the first place?

“I asked oppa why you didn’t come, and he said it was because you weren’t feeling well,” Eunbi said softly. She began to pull at the loose thread mindlessly, not meeting Yuta’s eyes as she spoke. “But then you didn’t come the next time as well, and oppa said that you still weren’t feeling well. I asked him all the time and he always said you were ill. That’s when I asked Mama if you were sick. She said that you were fine, even though everyone else in the palace had gotten a little ill because of the cold, you were completely healthy. So I asked her to find you, so you could visit me. I was so curious, oppa, why you wouldn’t come to see me with Taeyong-oppa. I thought that you might not want to sick such a sickly child like me. But you weren’t like that at all…

When oppa came back, I told him that you visited me and he tried to lie to me. He’s a terrible liar; he couldn’t even lie to me! He told me that you two got into a fight. I know that couples get into fights, even if they love each other dearly. Mama and Papa used to get into fights sometimes, but they always made up because they love each other. I told Taeyong-oppa that you would make up, but he said you wouldn’t, because you don’t love each other. I was so confused.”

“Oh, Eunbi…”

The young girl looked at Yuta. “Oppa said he loved you, but you didn’t love him back. He said that because you didn’t, you probably wouldn’t forgive him.”

“Eunbi, you don’t need to say anything else,” Yuta interrupted gently. “It’s fine. Let’s leave it there. What happens between us… You shouldn’t be concerned.”

“I asked how he knew you didn’t love him, and he said it’s because you didn’t tell him. He said that when you like or love someone, the way to let them know is to tell them. And their response lets you know if they love you back. He told you, oppa, and you told him… instead of saying you loved him, you said would never love him back.

But you do! I think you like Taeyong-oppa a lot. You always try to avoid talking about him, but I can see it. Even though I’m still a child, I can see these things! Us kids can realize these things quicker than adults can. I asked you about Ruby when you were about to buy her for Taeyong-oppa, and you said Taeyong-oppa loves dogs. You told me that he had a dog when he was little, and he loved her so much, he was saddened by her death. You told me he wants a dog, but couldn’t pick one out himself. You wanted to make Taeyong-oppa happy, you said. When you were talking about him, you looked like my Papa when he used to talk about my Mama. And even though my Papa and Mama were married without knowing each other first like you were, they were really in love with each other by the time I was born.”

Yuta was holding his breath.

A child. A child had picked up on all of these things.

He felt a little lightheaded.

“Eunbi, should I tell him that I like him?” Yuta asked.

“Of course! I think that oppa will be happy… both of you.”

“And…” Yuta met Eunbi’s curious gaze. “And if I’m not sure?”

“Oppa, we don’t have time to waste here,” she said firmly. Yuta almost laughed. “The end of the year is here, and we are alive. Who knows if we will still be alive come next year.”

Yuta couldn’t help but smile. “There you go again, with your wisdom, Eunbi.”

“Don’t take offense, oppa, but one of us has to be wise,” she replied, a sweet smile on her lips. “Are you going to tell him?”

“Right now?” Yuta asked. “But we’re having our time together.”

“Oppa!” she scolded. “I’m going to be here for the rest of my life! Besides, Papa told me that couples have to kiss as the new year starts. How can you kiss Taeyong-oppa when the new year starts if you don’t tell him you like him beforehand?”

* * *

Dongyoung was surprised when Yuta asked him where the Prince was but quickly offered the information.

“He went to bed,” Dongyoung said. “Or I helped him undress for bed. I’m sure he must be reading now… Is something the matter?”

“Why must something be the matter for me to speak to the Prince?” Yuta asked.

Dongyoung blinked. “I apologize,” he replied. “If you’d like, I can walk you up there.”

Yuta thought about it for a second. “No, no,” he murmured. “I’d like to be alone with him tonight.”

This certainly took Dongyoung off guard. “O-of course,” he sputtered. “I’ll inform Taeil so he doesn’t go out looking for you.”

“I’ll see you,” Yuta said, making his way to the staircase. He stopped and looked back at Dongyoung, who looked dumbfounded. “And happy new year to you, Dongyoung.”

Dongyoung quickly collected himself and bowed his head, wishing Yuta a happy new year as well. Yuta turned and quickly went upstairs. He passed by all the doors that led to guest rooms and private meeting rooms. He passed Taeil’s door and Dongyoung’s door. He slowed down when he reached the Prince’s library. He stopped in front of the door that led to their rooms.

He placed a hand on the doorknob. He took a deep breath before he pushed the door open.

Yuta entered the room carefully. 

It was Yuta’s first time seeing the rooms in over a month. There was the portrait of the Prince, and then the portrait of two of them, side by side in their wedding suits; it felt as if Yuta was seeing them for the first time. He was momentarily stunned by the sight of them, remembering how he used to look at them each day as he left or entered the room. It had been too long.

He glanced around the antechamber, taking everything in. Fresh flowers in all of the vases, the fireplace lit and the burning wood crackling inside. All the books were placed snugly on the bookshelf in the corner, and the usually messy desk beside it had been cleared for the night.

There was no sound coming from the bedchamber, but it was still too early for the Prince to have gone to sleep, especially on the last day of the year. The bed was still made and there was no sign of anything having been left out of place when Yuta entered. It looked the same as it had when they arrived from Wenzhou the previous month. There was no dust on any of the furniture, thanks to the maids, but apart from that, the room looked like it hadn’t been touched at all.

Yuta wondered if the Prince slept through the night in the bed or worked without resting at the desk inside the antechamber. Yuta had to coax the Prince to bed because he hadn’t wanted to stop writing a proposal he wanted to present to his mother once or twice in the past. Now that the Prince was working more, who knew how long he rested for.

The guilt hit Yuta like a hard slap to the face. Yuta’s responsibility was simple and he had been neglecting it for over a month. How much had the Prince struggled through because of Yuta and his fear of accepting his feelings?

He carefully entered the washroom and almost jumped back when he saw the Prince there, dressed in nothing but a sopping wet bathing shirt that clung to his wet body.

“Yuta!”

Yuta brought his hands over his eyes quickly. “I’m so sorry! I’ll go now!”

“Wait!” the Prince exclaimed. “Don’t go. Just wait. In the bedchamber, wait. Please.”

Yuta backed out of the washroom and didn’t stop moving until he was in the bedchamber once again. He removed his hands from his eyes and placed them on his warm cheeks, letting out deep breaths. His entire face was burning and his heartbeat had increased drastically.

He hadn’t seen much. He hadn’t seen anything at all. Yuta had realized that the Prince was getting out of the bath before his eyes focused on anything, thankfully. He had seen the pale color of the Prince’s body underneath the wet, white fabric, but hadn’t caught too many details otherwise. 

A memory flashed in his mind.

On their trip to the manor, Yuta had fallen asleep in the bath and it was the Prince that woke him up. The Prince… And the night at Wenzhou when they had… 

“Is everything all right?”

Yuta snapped out of his thoughts. He removed his hands from his cheeks and hoped he wasn’t too red in the face.

The Prince was standing an arm’s length away, dressed in a banyan and a robe over it. His hair was still wet, some strands sticking to his forehead and temple. His cheeks were tinged pink and his lips were slightly curled down into a soft pout. Yuta never once had the opportunity to see the Prince in this state.

Yuta’s mouth felt dry. “Yes, everything is all right,” he managed to say.

They looked at each other for a moment.

As much as Yuta wanted to tell the Prince of the realizations he had made over the past month, of what his mother wrote to him, of his conversation with Princess Eunbi, of the realizations that he had yesterday, Yuta couldn’t open his mouth and tell him.

The Prince was looking at him, waiting. But Yuta couldn’t do it. Not when the Prince was standing before him, looking like the most beautiful thing Yuta had ever seen in his life.

The Prince cleared his throat when it was obvious Yuta wouldn’t say anything. “Would you come back to the room, Yuta?”

“What?”

“The room,” the Prince said again, motioning to the bed. “Come back. It’s not right that you’re staying somewhere else and I’m here alone.”

“Come back?”

“Please,” he pleaded.

The angelic glow that seemed to shine around the Prince disappeared completely and Yuta felt himself frown. This wasn’t the conversation Yuta wanted to have right now. They needed to talk about everything else before they could discuss Yuta coming back to the room. The Prince was not going to do this right now.

“Wait, no,” Yuta said, holding up a hand in between them. “No, I’m not coming back to the room.”

The Prince sighed. He ran a hand through his wet hair. “Why must you be so stubborn?”

“Stubborn?” Yuta scoffed. He kept his hand up to stop the Prince from interrupting him. “You can’t expect me to forgive you and come back when you haven’t even apologized.”

The Prince came closer and soon, Yuta’s hand was against his chest. It was warm and Yuta could’ve allowed himself to relish in the fact that the Prince was here, this close to him after so long, had it not been for what the Prince said next. “I should apologize for what? What did I do that warrants an apology?”

“You know what you did!” Yuta exclaimed, pushing the Prince back.

He stumbled but managed to catch himself on the bed. “I only said I _love_ you, Yuta,” he said curtly. “I admit that I may have been harsh that morning, and for _that_ , I apologize, but I will not apologize for confessing my feelings to you. I can’t, nor do I want to take that back.”

Yuta’s heart faltered in his chest.

“You can’t be doing this right now,” Yuta said, frustrated. “You can’t be doing that!”

“What am I doing?” The Prince sounded as annoyed as Yuta felt.

“Reminding me that you love me!”

They fell silent. The tense air around them swallowed up Yuta’s words and he wondered if he had even said them at all after a moment.

“Listen, you can’t… guilt me into loving you back,” Yuta murmured. _Even though I’m sure I might love you back._ “It doesn’t work that way. I won’t… You can’t do that. Do you think I need you to remind me right now as if I haven’t been hearing your words replay in my mind countless times since you said them? I don’t need you to repeat what you said that morning.”

A deep sigh from the Prince, and then: “Yuta…”

Yuta held his hand up again, stopping the Prince. “I thought I could tell you. I thought we could talk, but I think I need more time.”

* * *

Yuta reached the ground floor and was about to make his way towards the grand library when a familiar voice called after him.

He turned around and was surprised to find two ladies, joined at the arm, looking at him. “Lady Seulgi, Lady Seungwan,” he greeted with a bow. “I―I didn’t know you would be here.”

Lady Seungwan smiled. “Well, originally, we weren’t going to come but…”

“Papa has come to ask Her Majesty The Queen for funds and supplies,” Lady Seulgi finished. “Kang-eup has not been doing too well this winter season. Seungwan and I wanted to come along, to find you and Taeyong.”

“Oh, well,” Yuta started, “You found me.”

Lady Seulgi smiled. “How are you?” 

“I’m great,” Yuta replied. He motioned to a nearby door that led into a small tea room. “Would you like to sit and talk over tea, or coffee?”

“Tea would be lovely.”

Yuta led them into the empty room. As both of the young women settled into the sofa, Yuta flagged down a maid and asked her to prepare some tea.

“I’m sorry for asking this so late, and on the last day of the year as well…”

The maid simply smiled. “It’s no issue. I’ll be right back, Your Royal Highness.”

Yuta entered the room and sat in one of the chairs across the sofa. He looked over the two young women before him.

The last time he had seen them was at their wedding, three months ago. Despite it already being a few months since then, both ladies still had that just-married glow. They looked beyond happy, holding each others’ hands and sitting close. Yuta couldn’t help but feel envious of their obvious happiness with each other.

“We heard there’s been a new addition to the family,” Lady Seulgi said. “Taeil was kind enough to introduce us to your newest child. She’s rather cute.”

Yuta’s mind blanked for a moment before he let out a small chuckle. “Ah, Ruby?” he asked, earning a nod from both ladies. “Yes, yes. She arrived yesterday…”

Just as Lady Seungwan was about to speak, the door opened. The maid from earlier entered holding a large tray. She quickly set it down on the table and began to prepare the tea.

Yuta motioned for Lady Seungwan to continue as they waited for their tea.

“The name…” she said. “Where did you two get that name?”

Yuta blinked. “Well, she’s… more his dog. He named her. You’d have to ask him.”

Lady Seulgi leaned in a little. “Him as in Taeyong?”

“Yes. Taeyong.”

The maid presented them each with a small saucer and small teacup filled with hot tea. She laid out a small spread of sweets. “Your Royal Highness,” she said with a curtsy, before turning to the ladies, “Lady Kang, Lady Seungwan.”

Lady Kang and Lady Seungwan thanked the maid for the tea and she left.

“Now that she’s gone…”

“What?” Yuta asked. He looked at Lady Seungwan.

“Is everything all right?” she asked.

“You asked me that already. I said―”

“You _do_ know that Seulgi is in constant communication with Taeyong, right?”

Of course, Yuta knew that. Lady Seulgi had told him herself during the night of her wedding. They wrote to each other weekly. And Yuta knew that they sometimes wrote about him. Had the Prince written to Lady Seulgi about all this? How many people had the Prince spilled everything to? First Princess Eunbi, and now, Lady Seulgi…

Yuta hadn’t told anyone, other than his mother. He had no one to tell. There was Taeil, but Yuta didn’t want to cause him any issues. Taeil had known the Prince for most of his life; he’d only known Yuta for half a year. To place such a burden on Taeil would be wrong.

“You’ve told me yourself, Lady Seulgi,” Yuta said to the young woman. “You write letters.”

“Does it bother you, Yuta?” Lady Seulgi asked. “That we exchange letters so frequently? And that you’re the topic of them sometimes?”

“I’ve never truly thought of it,” Yuta admitted.

Yuta didn’t have access to that part of the Prince’s life. The Prince had never said anything about it to Yuta. It was not his business. Even if they wrote about him, Yuta respected the fact that it was only meant to be kept between the Prince and Lady Seulgi. Unless he accidentally stumbled upon one of the Prince’s letters and read it, Yuta would never know what they talked about.

“Taeyong is stubborn,” Lady Seulgi said suddenly. She lifted her teacup and took a small sip before setting the teacup back onto the saucer. She let out a small hum. “He’s the most stubborn kid I know sometimes. Once he finds a place, he doesn’t want to move from it. He’ll never budge unless you make him.”

“I don’t understand…”

“He told me that the last time you spoke, things didn’t go too well. Is that correct?”

“That man…” Yuta cursed under his breath.

“There’s no need to worry, Yuta,” Lady Seulgi assured him. She glanced at her wife, who gave her a small nod. “Taeyong is sensitive. He’s very honest when he writes to me… and while he didn’t go into specifics about the conversation you had, he seemed to be very hurt by what happened. He’s still hurt.”

“There’s no need to…”

“Yuta, I’m not here to berate you or insult you, or whatever you think I may be doing. Taeyong is a friend of mine, and to see him so unhappy makes me worried. You may understand my concern after I tell you that he went from writing about how lovely you are when you’re so much as existing beside him to writing about how he can’t bear to look at your face for more than a minute.”

Yuta’s breath caught in his throat. “He wrote that about―”

“I’ve never seen him so smitten with anyone before,” Lady Seulgi continued, cutting him off. “Indeed, he never told me about any interest he’s had in the past, but the fact that he writes entire letters about you in the first place is enough to tell me his interest in you is genuine. Now, if I may ask, is that interest reciprocated?”

Yuta looked from Lady Seulgi to Lady Seungwan. Lady Seungwan was drinking her tea quietly. She hadn’t spoken a word. Her face gave away nothing. Lady Seulgi had a very serious expression taking over her features, an odd look for the young woman that was usually smiling brightly when Yuta saw her.

He couldn’t lie to these women. “If I must admit…”

“I told you!” Lady Seungwan exclaimed. She took both of Lady Seulgi’s hands into her own. “Seul, I told you.”

Yuta blinked. “I’m sorry?”

“Yuta, how long have you loved Taeyong?” Lady Seungwan asked, letting go of her wife’s hands and leaning over the table in between them, towards Yuta. “Since our wedding, right? Please tell me it’s been that long.”

“I, I don’t know,” Yuta stuttered.

Lady Seulgi pulled her wife back. “Wannie, you didn’t even let him finish. What if he was going to say he hates Taeyong?” She looked at Yuta, a soft smile on her face. “Please continue, Yuta.”

“I was going to say, I must admit that I have been thinking,” Yuta said carefully. “About my feelings for him. If I have feelings towards him…”

Yuta couldn’t possibly be confessing his feelings for the Prince to Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan before he confessed them to the Prince himself. Would they go and tell him right away? Would Lady Seulgi write about this in her next letter to the Prince?

“And have you come to a conclusion?”

“Yes,” Yuta replied.

They were looking at him expectantly.

Yuta took a moment to collect himself.

Maybe he didn’t love the Prince. Maybe he was mistaken. Maybe he was trying to convince himself that he loved the Prince so that he could justify wanting to be next to him, wanting to hold his hand, and kiss him. It would be easier for Yuta to do that.

He hesitated about doing anything with the Prince because it wouldn’t be right. If Yuta and the Prince were to sleep together, the Prince would begin to think Yuta loved him, when he didn’t. So it would be easier if Yuta loved him. He would get what he wanted and the Prince would get what he wanted, even if it was nothing more than an illusion.

But what if Yuta loved the Prince?

And if he did, since when had he loved the Prince?

Yuta tried to recall every moment he had spent with the Prince in the last six months. Of course, there had been more memorable things, but there were many other little things that just occurred and Yuta had simply smoothed over them.

Had it been the moment the Prince almost kissed Yuta for the first time? Two days after Yuta had been chosen, the Prince had bravely reached out and almost kissed him, leaving him flustered for the remainder of the day. It had been the only time the Prince had shown the slightest bit of interest in him during the first month Yuta was there. Had the Prince’s interest in Yuta started then, right at the beginning of it all?

Or perhaps, their first kiss as a married couple had been the start of it all for Yuta. He could remember the applause from all their guests, celebrating their union in the small chapel, and somewhere there, Mina had been watching as well. The Prince had told Yuta that he loved him. Had he meant it then? And later that night, the Prince, drunk beyond belief, had asked Yuta for a kiss goodnight. Yuta had refused him, promising him another time. Had Yuta broken the Prince’s heart when he said that?

There were so many more moments that Yuta couldn’t pinpoint one single one. Of course, there was the night at the manor, when Yuta’s interest seemed to show itself unexpectedly, but Yuta must’ve already felt something to do that, right?

He didn’t know, and perhaps, he never would know. But what he knew was that there was something.

Yuta looked at the two ladies sitting in front of him. “There’s something,” he said. He felt himself smile. “I don’t know what it is, but it’s something.”

Lady Seungwan smiled brightly and beside her, Lady Seulgi looked thrilled.

“You haven’t told him?” she asked.

Yuta shook his head. “As you said, he’s stubborn…”

“It’s the last night of the year,” Lady Seungwan said. “It’s the best time to confess.”

“Not tonight,” Yuta answered. He remembered what had happened less than an hour ago. “Another time. Maybe there will be a sign. I’ll tell him then.”

* * *

The next morning, the entire palace was in chaos. 

Hayoon had explained that on the first day of the year, the Queen threw a large celebration to ring in the new year. It had been planned a while ago but now it was time to put the plan into action, and there were many preparations to be made before the night came.

Yuta had promised to stay out of the way, not wanting to disrupt anyone. He had eaten breakfast and retreated into the grand library. He had spent almost the entire day there, studying and reading. The walls were thick enough that little noise from the outside could be heard from where Yuta was sitting.

He had taken his place as a large desk and had several books laid out. He wanted to read through them before spring came. They were long and sometimes even confusing, a lot of the jargon was about the laws and policies that were written long ago, but Yuta tried his best to be patient and read through each section carefully, taking notes as he went.

But he paid little attention to those books today. For today, he wanted something more entertaining. He had scanned the shelves for books about geography and had found one of the West Empire, which surprised him. Apart from that, he also had a few other books that were about past royal family members.

He read a little from each book, taking his notes as always and setting them aside. He had gone through four books of past family members over the day and was beginning to feel tired, but he kept on reading.

The book that interested him the most was small. It had a deep red cover, and the spine of the book was worn out. He carefully opened the book, revealing the first page. It was an old book, the pages already yellow and the edges were worn out. He would need to be careful with the book or the pages would easily fall out.

His eyes scanned over the first page. There was no extravagant printed title like he expected. There were only two words and they looked like they were written out by hand.

_Queen Lee._

He carefully ran his fingers over the two words. A personal diary from an old queen.

Yuta turned to the next page and surely enough, the yellowed page was filled with handwritten words. Yuta carefully read the first entry of the diary.

_Jisung’s fourth birthday is days away and we are all very excited to celebrate at the palace. We were worried he would not make it past two years, but the Heavens have given us this much time with him already. Dongyoon and I are overjoyed. We pray that we can have many more years with our child. I pray that the Heavens take me before they take him._

_It seems as though Jisung will be our only son. I’m afraid that I’m unable to carry a child to full term. Two children, both boys, were miscarried early on. Dongyoon says he feels blessed to have one son, but I know that he is saddened to know we have lost two others. It is my dream to give Jisung a sibling._

_I grew up with seven siblings, and Dongyoon had two younger sisters. The joy of sharing your life with a sibling is wonderful. I hope that one-day Jisung will be able to see that._

Yuta felt his heart begin to ache. He wondered if this queen had written anything before the start of this journal. Perhaps she had another one somewhere… Yuta turned to the next page to the next entry.

_Five years ago, I arrived at the palace, alone and afraid. I missed my family dearly. Since then, my two older siblings and both of my parents have left this world. My younger siblings are already of age and are beginning their lives in our home village. I started my life here, besides Dongyoon, five years ago. I’m no longer a part of my siblings’ lives, but a part of Dongyoon and Jisung’s._

_I never wanted this life for myself. The palace was not a familiar place and the people here were not familiar faces. I hardly spoke to Dongyoon during the early months of our marriage. His father was dying, and he was preparing to take over. He was tired, working without rest every day and night. I stayed up with him when I could, making sure he didn’t overwork himself. There were nights when he was so weak, he couldn’t even get up from his seat. I wondered if he would die as well and leave me behind._

_I was honored to be Dongyoon’s wife, but not happy. Not even after I became Queen Consort. Seeing Dongyoon so worn out and not paying much attention to me, I wondered if this was the life I was meant to lead. I could have had everything if he had chosen another woman._

_I supported Dongyoon sincerely since the beginning, but I still was not satisfied. When I found out I was carrying Jisung, I wondered if I would love this child, who would be born out of necessity more than anything else. I was thrilled to have a child, yet I couldn’t help but think I would not be able to bring myself to love him._

_I thought again and again. I could have had everything, had Dongyoon not chosen me._

_But I look at Jisung now and the way he plays with Dongyoon, and I think… I have everything I could ever ask for. I would not trade my life for the one I might’ve had._

_Jisung was not born out of love, but he became our reason to love. I have never been more in love with a person that I was with my boy the moment I saw him. His first cry was music to my ears and the feeling of his warm body against my chest was enough to light a flame inside my heart. I swore to love and protect him for the rest of my life._

_And as a father, Dongyoon felt the same. With Jisung, the number of similarities between us increased and we become more aware of each other. It was as if we were meeting each other for the first time and falling in love with each other, with our son, with our lives._

_I thank the Heavens that Jisung came to us._

Yuta carefully pushed the diary away. He frowned down at the words. They remained still on the page.

It couldn’t be…

He quickly shut the diary and pushed his chair back.

The queen… the queen was the princess Yuta had read about months ago. Nearly five years were missing. The entire life of her child had not been written about at all. Or maybe she had several other diaries that filled in the rest of the time skipped.

Regardless, Yuta couldn’t read without knowing what had happened in between the two diaries. It felt like skipping the most important chapters of a story.

He took a deep breath and got up from the chair.

It was too much of a coincidence that he had managed to pick this book out of the entire library to read after the conversation he had with Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan last night. His heart was beating hard in his chest and his palms were a little sweaty. 

He left the library, almost running into a maid that was carrying various bouquets. She apologized to him, but he barely noticed her.

Yuta entered the main entrance of the palace, where the main staircase was. He looked around, moving out of the way of the various men and women that were helping prepare for the celebration. Nightfall was only around an hour away and the celebration would begin then.

“Yuta!”

He turned and found Taeil. “Taeil, where is Taeyong?”

“He’s getting ready,” Taeil said. He grabbed Yuta’s arm and began pulling him upstairs. “There’s no time to waste. You have to be presentable for tonight!”

Taeil left no room for Yuta to argue and Yuta let himself be led to the room he had been staying in.

Two maids were already inside and were drawing a bath. He watched as they prepared several fresh towels, poured some oil into the bathtub, and checked the temperature of the water.

They left when they were done and Taeil was quick to begin pulling off Yuta’s clothes.

When Yuta was in the bathtub, Taeil left him, only telling him to hurry and wash up while he prepared his suit for tonight.

Yuta washed his hair and scrubbed down his body, relishing in the warm water. It smelled like flowers tonight, and he felt calm as he went through his bathing routine. It wasn’t long before he was stepping out and reaching for the towels.

Once he was dried and ready to dress, Taeil helped him into his suit.

It was a dark blue suit with details embroidered onto it in an even deeper shade of blue. It was brand new. He had never seen it before. It was a little light even though it was winter. Since the celebration was indoors with all the fireplaces lit and the entire court was invited, the palace would be rather warm tonight.

“I need to speak to Taeyong alone now,” Yuta said once Taeil was done buckling his shoes. “It’s rather important.”

“Nonsense,” Taeil said. “You two have to present yourselves and mingle with the guests tonight. Can your conversation wait for another day?”

Yuta hesitated but after a look from Taeil, he answered: “Yes.”

* * *

The conversation couldn’t wait.

He scanned over the ballroom, hoping to find the Prince.

“Are you in a rush, dear?”

Yuta turned to look at the person beside him. “Huh?”

The Queen smiled at him softly. “You look like you’re late for something,” she commented. “Is there somewhere else you would rather be?”

Yes, Yuta thought. “No,” was what he replied. “The celebration is lovely.”

“No one will notice if you leave so early on,” she said, taking a sip from her chalice of wine. “We’re reaching ten o’clock, but the party's just beginning. It’ll be more difficult to escape later on when all the ladies want to dance with you.”

Yuta almost choked. “I’m, I’m not… I wasn’t planning on escaping,” he managed to say.

“There will be no need to escape if you leave now,” she said. She let out a content sigh. “Taeyong has already left. Went right back upstairs without a word to anyone.”

“He left?”

“I’m giving you permission now, dear,” she told him. “I can’t promise I’ll let you leave in a few hours.”

“All right,” Yuta said. He looked at her for confirmation. She gave him a small nod. “The celebration was truly lovely.”

She waved him off, telling him not to bother saying such things half-heartedly, and Yuta almost tripped as he turned to leave after a quiet apology. He placed his chalice on an empty tray on a table and tried his best to not attract too much attention to himself as he passed through the crowd. People hardly cared for him, so no one made a move to stop him as he approached the ballroom exit.

The halls were mostly empty, and the few people that were out were all going the same way. They were all going to the party. Yuta had other plans for tonight.

He had to do it tonight.

He repeated this in his mind as he climbed the staircase. He repeated this as he walked down the hall, passing all the doors that led to rooms Yuta had never seen.

He repeated this as he turned the doorknob on the door that led to the room he had seen, and he repeated it as he pushed the door open.

“Taeyong, we need to―”

Yuta stopped as he took in the sight before him.

It was the Prince. As always, he was beautiful. He wore a suit similar to Yuta’s. His hair had been styled nicely.

Yuta would’ve appreciated this if it weren’t for the fact that there was another man, trapping the Prince against the wall, one hand by the Prince’s head and the other clutching at the Prince’s jacket. The Prince’s face was flushed and he was panting heavily.

Yuta had felt jealous once before. The night of Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan’s wedding, the Prince and Yuta were to act like they were not married. The Prince had certainly played up his availability, taking different ladies out to dance. He had even kissed one of them.

When that happened, Yuta had left, unable to stand the sight. He hadn’t acknowledged it then, but he would acknowledge it now. He had been jealous. He had been so horribly jealous that the young woman on the Prince’s arm was receiving his affections when it should have been Yuta. He remembered wondering if the Prince would sleep with her.

Now, Yuta knew he wouldn’t. The Prince said it himself: he didn’t enjoy the company of women. Yuta’s thoughts had been irrational then, but now…

Apart from jealousy, Yuta felt a surge of anger. He balled his hands into fists at his sides and he clenched his jaw. There was little that the Prince could say that would explain this situation.

The Prince’s eyes widened when he registered Yuta was there. He quickly pushed the man away hard, making him stumble backward. “Yu-Yuta. This is not―”

“No,” Yuta breathed. He looked at the Prince in the eyes. “Don’t you dare say a word.”

Was he playing Yuta for a fool? The Prince had confessed his feelings to Yuta and had him feeling guilty about not being able to love him back, but he was here behind Yuta’s back, with another man.

“Yuta, wait.”

Yuta heard the Prince stumble towards the door, but Yuta was not going to be stopped. He quickened his pace and opened the first door he came across, hoping the Prince wouldn’t catch him.

He stepped into the Prince’s library. Yuta hadn’t visited this place since they arrived from Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan’s wedding. There were only a few candles lit up. Yuta picked up one of the chambersticks and used it to guide himself to one of the chairs in the corner.

He used the back of the chair to hold himself up and tried to calm himself.

There was no way.

The Prince… No… Taeyong wouldn’t.

Yuta brought a hand to his chest and rubbed over the spot where his heart was. There was an aching feeling there, hurting him. The knot that formed in his throat threatened to come out in a sob. Tears began to form in his eyes.

Taeyong wouldn’t.

He began to cry. He moved his hand over his mouth as if it would stop him from crying.

He tried to take deep breaths, but they came out as choked-out sobs. The ache in his chest only grew stronger.

It was a few minutes before the door opened and someone came into the library. Yuta heard footsteps approaching and he tried to quiet himself. He tried to will the tears away.

When the Prince appeared in front of Yuta, he was blurry. Yuta wiped at his eyes and turned away. He felt the ache in his chest become stronger, and Yuta had to bite down on his bottom lip to keep himself from crying.

“Yuta, let me explain.”

The Prince reached out and carefully took Yuta’s hand. He tried to pull back, to push the Prince away, but the Prince was holding his hand in both of his, pulling him closer.

“What you saw… it isn’t what you think. Yuta, please listen to me. Please. Please don’t cry.”

Yuta couldn’t bring himself to look at the Prince. The Prince didn’t get to sound sad and desperate.

“Don’t do this, Taeyong,” Yuta said shakily. He swallowed the knot in his throat. “You don’t get to do that.”

Finally, Yuta looked at the Prince. Since it was so dark, Yuta couldn’t make out the Prince’s face too well, but then the Prince turned his head a little and Yuta saw it.

The Prince’s skin was beautifully pale and his features were almost too perfect. But something was wrong with the Prince’s face tonight. Earlier, when Yuta and the Prince had been introduced at the party, the Prince had looked perfect. He had been glowing in the candlelight. But right now, there was a large red spot on his right cheek.

Yuta immediately panicked. He turned his entire body and faced the Prince, not knowing what to do. He pulled his hand out of the Prince’s grasp and went to touch the Prince’s face but stopped, hovering over his cheek. 

“What,” Yuta murmured, “what happened?”

“I told you it wasn’t what you thought it was,” the Prince replied. Yuta shook his head and took the Prince’s face in both of his hands now, turning the Prince’s face so he could see it better in the light. “I’m fine, Yuta…”

Yuta blinked and some tears slipped from his eyes. The Prince reached up and wiped them away. Yuta would’ve pushed him away, but his initial anger and sadness were replaced by worry. “You’re hurt.” Yuta’s voice was small, and he sounded pathetic in his ears. “Why are you hurt?”

He stared at the Prince’s cheek. Right underneath his eye, Yuta could see it was swelling. The skin hadn’t broken, but it was red and he could already see the bruise beginning to form. Yuta carefully touched the area with his fingertips and the Prince flinched back.

“I asked why you were hurt, Taeyong.”

“I’m fine,” was the answer Yuta got. The Prince wrapped his fingers around Yuta’s wrists and tried to pull his hands away, but Yuta wouldn’t budge. “Yuta, please, can we talk?”

“Was it that man? Did he hurt you?” Yuta looked at the Prince’s eyes. The eyes that were usually bright seemed a little dimmer and he could see the sadness in the Prince’s eyes. “Why did he hurt you?”

“He wanted to hurt you,” the Prince replied quietly. He carefully pulled Yuta’s hands away from his face. “I wouldn’t let him hurt you.”

Yuta frowned. “Are you truly that stupid, Lee Taeyong?” he asked, suddenly frustrated. Yuta pulled his hands out of the Prince’s grasp and reached up to hold the Prince’s face in them again, looking for any other signs of injury. “You let yourself be hurt for what? To defend me?”

Yuta felt the Prince’s hand settle on his waist and he removed one hand from the Prince’s face to swat him away.

“Don’t touch me. I’m still angry,” he said sternly. He returned his hand to the Prince’s face. He didn’t seem like he was hurt anywhere else on his face, but Yuta wouldn’t stop until he made sure there was nothing else. “Letting yourself get punched in the face for no reason,” he mumbled, “why would you even allow that…”

“I had a reason,” the Prince said.

“Shush. Don’t move. I’m looking.”

“You said it yourself,” the Prince continued anyway. “I was defending you.”

Yuta stopped looking and stood there, blinking. He had the Prince’s face in his hands and they were close…

He let the Prince go and stepped back. “Why would you do that?”

“It’s my duty as your husband,” the Prince said, “To defend you, to protect you… all of that is my job.”

Yuta held his breath for a second. “You don’t get to say that,” he said when he exhaled.

“Why not?” the Prince asked. He stepped closer to Yuta. His eyes were scanning his face and Yuta tried to turn his head, but the Prince was quick to stop him, bringing a hand up to turn him back. The Prince’s other hand came up and soon, the Prince was wiping at Yuta’s cheeks with his thumbs. “You have tears drying on your face… I don’t like how it looks on you,” he mumbled, focused on his task.

As much as Yuta wanted to push the Prince away because they still had to clarify everything that had happened and more importantly, Yuta needed to tell the Prince of his feelings, Yuta couldn’t make himself push him away. Instead, he leaned into the Prince’s touch. He brought his hands to the Prince’s waist instinctively, pulling him a little closer.

“There you are,” the Prince whispered as he stopped wiping away Yuta’s tears. “Beautiful.”

Yuta’s heart stuttered in his chest. “You can’t say that,” he mumbled, looking down.

The Prince lifted his head and Yuta was forced to look at the Prince’s face. He had a soft smile on his face. Despite the slight swelling and the bruise that was forming on his right cheek, the Prince still looked too pretty. “Stop telling me what I can and can’t say,” the Prince whispered. “You don’t get to say that.”

Yuta felt his face flush. He hoped that the Prince couldn’t feel how hot he had suddenly become.

“Yuta, can we talk now? About everything?”

“If you let go of me, yes.”

The Prince let go of Yuta’s face but offered his hand to him. Yuta looked at it for a second. It was dark in the room, but he could make out the prominent veins that led to the Prince’s palm, and the Prince’s long fingers. It had been so long… 

Yuta took his hand. 

* * *

“Why did you drink so much?” Yuta asked. 

He stood from the bed and made his way over to the Prince. He pulled him into the room by the sleeve of his robe and closed the doors. The small glass panes in the rectangles allowed some light to enter but the room remained dark.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?” the Prince countered.

“Let me take you to your room,” Yuta said, grabbing the Prince’s wrist.

“No,” came the answer. “Let me stay with you tonight. I can’t sleep alone anymore. It doesn’t feel―doesn’t feel right without you there. I miss you.”

“Taeyong…”

The Prince was too emotional when he was drunk. Yuta had learned that on the night of their wedding. He remembered the Prince’s vulnerable expression and his request for a goodnight kiss, a kiss he never got.

Since then, Yuta made sure that the Prince never drank too much during their meals or other activities. The night of Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan’s wedding had been an exception and it had ended up with Yuta going to bed angry and the Prince stumbling in and professing his love, something that shaken Yuta for a few days afterward.

Yuta didn’t know if the Prince’s words were sincere, but in the last few months, Yuta had not given the Prince any reason to form such genuine feelings. He couldn’t have been serious.

He wasn’t being serious now either.

Yuta didn’t know what to do if he was. The mere thought made his skin hot and his heart pound in his chest. The Prince couldn’t mean it. 

“Stop this,” Yuta said. He let go of the Prince’s wrist. “You’ve had too much to drink.”

“If anything, wouldn’t drinking make me more honest?” the Prince asked. He grabbed Yuta’s forearm. “Wouldn’t I be able to easily say the words I can’t when I’m sober?”

“That’s ridiculous,” Yuta scolded. He tried to pull his arm away but the Prince’s grip was tight. “You don’t mean those things.”

“Tell me why.”

The Prince pulled Yuta closer. Their bodies were nearly flush against each other. His face was so close, their foreheads were nearly touching. Yuta could feel his warm breath and smell the strong alcohol he had been drinking all night. The light coming from the outside shined upon the right side of his face, illuminating the soft curve of his cheek and the strong line of his jaw. Yuta saw the small scar beside his right eye. He shifted his gaze and met the eyes of the Prince.

He could see the Prince’s eyes from this position. Even though it was dark and only the right side of the Prince was bathed in the cool light, Yuta could see how both of his eyes were shining. The Prince was looking for something on Yuta’s face.

Yuta was flustered by his strong gaze. 

“Because!” he exclaimed suddenly, trying to pull back without much success. “You don’t know me!”

“I know you more than I did three months ago,” the Prince replied. “That was enough for me.”

The Prince pulled him even closer. Their noses bumped but the Prince was quick to tilt his head a little.

This kiss was much slower than any of the other ones they had shared before. Their lips moved against each other slowly, as if they had all the time in the world. 

Yuta closed his eyes, sighing into the Prince’s mouth. He felt all the doubt and hesitation leave his body. He reached up to hold onto the Prince’s biceps. The Prince wrapped an arm around Yuta’s waist.

They moved towards the bed, not pulling away from each other. The backs of Yuta’s knees hit the edge of the bed and it was then that the Prince pulled back.

“Is this wrong?” he asked, his eyes searching for something. “Am I taking advantage of you by doing this?”

Yuta tightened his grip on the Prince’s biceps. “No,” he breathed out. “You’re not.”

“I never want to take advantage of you,” the Prince whispered.

“You’re not like that.”

They kissed once more. The Prince pushed Yuta down onto the bed and he landed against the bed hard. The Prince moved on top of him, putting a knee on either side of Yuta’s thighs. It reminded Yuta of their night at the manor in the south. That night was still fuzzy in his mind since he had been drunk.

He wasn’t drunk tonight. He would remember everything that happened tonight.

The Prince loomed over him. His hands came up to cup Yuta’s face. It was completely dark near the bed, too far for the light to reach, so Yuta couldn’t see his face at all.

“I don’t ever want to hurt you,” the Prince said. He leaned in and kissed Yuta softly.

Yuta grabbed a fistful of the blanket underneath him. His heart was beating too fast. His skin was too hot. He was feeling something he had only felt that night at the manor so long ago. Yuta felt the blood rushing to his neck, his face, his ears, but also somewhere else.

“You’re not like that,” Yuta managed to say. He gasped when the Prince tried to get into a more comfortable position on top of him. “You won’t hurt me.”

“Can you do it, Yuta?”

“Do what?”

“Can you bring yourself to touch me again?”

“No, on any other given day, no,” Yuta confessed breathlessly. “But for tonight, I can.”

Yuta met the Prince’s kiss eagerly. He brought a hand up to cup the Prince’s face. Soon the Prince’s lips moved to Yuta’s jaw and Yuta was panting.

“Taeyong,” he whined.

The Prince’s hands were moving all over Yuta’s body, touching as much of him as he could. There was nothing but the banyan Yuta was wearing separating the Prince and Yuta’s bare skin. Yuta felt the Prince begin to tug up the banyan and how the cold air began to slip underneath the clothing item, sending a chill down Yuta’s spine.

“You, get it off, hurry,” Yuta panted, bringing his hands to the front of the Prince’s robes. He pulled the front open and tried pushing it off his shoulders, but couldn’t. He groaned, tugging on the fabric.

The Prince sat up and shrugged it off. He removed his arms from the long sleeves and then carefully tossed it to the side. The Prince was wearing a shirt underneath his robe. Yuta grabbed at it and tugged on it as well.

“In a minute,” were the Prince’s words as he came back down and kissed Yuta on the lips once again. “We have all night,” he whispered against them.

The Prince got off of Yuta, much to his displeasure, and carefully placed a hand on each other Yuta’s thighs. He slowly spread Yuta’s legs and the amount of air that slipped under the banyan increased. Once Yuta’s legs were spread enough, the Prince made himself comfortable in the space between them.

Because of how the light came in from the window, Yuta saw nothing but a silhouette before him. He almost sat up, wanting to continue kissing the Prince, but the Prince suddenly pushed up the banyan until it was at Yuta’s waist.

Yuta gasped as the cold air hit his skin. Without the banyan over him and the Prince sitting on him, his erection curved up towards his stomach, already dripping with precome.

“Fuck,” he muttered. A wave of embarrassment hit him as he noticed the Prince staring. Yuta couldn’t see the Prince, but with the way the light filtered in the room, the Prince was able to see Yuta just fine.

The Prince was quick to soothe him. He leaned over Yuta’s body, careful not to touch his cock, and buried his face in the space between Yuta’s neck and shoulder. “Shh,” he hummed, pressing a few kisses there. “There’s no need to be shy with me.”

And then, the Prince reached in between them and wrapped his fingers around Yuta. He began to stroke him. Yuta tried his best to keep his moans quiet, well aware that there was very little keeping his moans from reaching the outside. He bit his bottom lip hard as the Prince ran his thumb over the sensitive head of Yuta’s cock.

“No, I can’t,” Yuta panted. He grabbed the Prince’s bicep, squeezing. “I’m not going…”

The Prince cut him off by kissing him once again, swallowing Yuta’s words.

“I’ve hardly touched you,” he muttered against Yuta’s cheek.

Before Yuta could muster up any words, the Prince moved away. He let go of Yuta’s cock as he sat back onto his heels, placing his hands on his thighs. The Prince was staring at Yuta, but Yuta could barely keep his eyes open to see, not that he could see the Prince in the dark room in the first place.

After a moment, the Prince’s hand returned to Yuta’s cock, startling Yuta as he felt a gentle squeeze. He let out a choked out moan as the Prince resumed stroking his cock. The Prince’s silhouette moved in front of Yuta and it wasn’t even a minute before the Prince was hovering over Yuta, his hot breath hitting the head of Yuta’s cock.

“Oh, fuck,” Yuta cursed again as he felt the Prince’s warm tongue swirl around the head once, twice.

The Prince continued to stroke Yuta as he teased the head with his tongue, and then he started to suck, taking the head into his mouth. The Prince’s stroking ceased as the Prince took more of Yuta’s cock into his mouth, hands holding each of Yuta’s thighs. Yuta laid there, almost trembling at the sensation of having his cock inside the Prince’s mouth, one hand over his mouth to quiet down his moans.

He never thought that he would ever be in such a position.

The realization was enough for Yuta.

“Taeyong, Taeyong,” Yuta groaned, arching his back as he came inside the Prince’s mouth.

Yuta was seeing stars behind his eyelids. His chest rose and fell with his heavy breaths. He tried to speak, but nothing came out, the only word he was able to form was the Prince’s name.

He had never come like this, ever. Given the lack of sexual experiences Yuta had with others, it was no surprise, but for this to be his first experience… 

“Taeyong, let me, let me…”

The Prince came up and kissed Yuta’s jaw. “Another time,” he said, his breath tickling Yuta. He moved to kiss Yuta’s neck, and then another kiss right behind his ear. “Not tonight, Yuta.”

Yuta wanted to protest. He wanted to tell the Prince that he could do it, even if he had never done it before. He could feel the Prince’s erection against his thigh, and he wanted to return the pleasure he had just received desperately, but the Prince’s kisses against his skin stopped him.

“Kiss me,” Yuta said instead, bringing a hand up to grab the Prince’s face, pulling him back in front of Yuta. “Kiss me properly.”

“My mouth is dirty.”

“I said kiss me.”

The Prince did.

* * *

The rooms were empty when they returned.

Yuta wondered who the man that had punched the Prince had been. He hadn’t gotten a good look at him, and the Prince hadn’t said anything about the man as they left the library, telling Yuta it was not a problem he should worry himself with.

He hoped that the man wouldn’t come back, especially if his true intention was to hurt Yuta. He had done nothing, and he didn’t want to know the man’s reason behind wanting to hurt Yuta. And if the Prince was going to put himself in danger like he had tonight, Yuta had even more reason to hope he never came back to find them.

Yuta closed the door behind him and as he turned, he felt the Prince push him against the door. He placed a hand on the door, beside Yuta’s head, and the other continued to hold Yuta’s hand.

“Hey,” Yuta murmured, trying to push the Prince back with his free hand. He felt his heart thump hard in his chest and a certain warmth crawl up his neck into his face and ears.

“I’ve missed you so much,” was all the Prince said before he kissed Yuta.

Surprised, Yuta didn’t react, but it only took a second before Yuta grabbed at the front of the Prince’s jacket and pulled him close and began to move his mouth against the Prince’s.

It had been so long. Yuta hadn’t kissed him since the night at Lord Sicheng’s house, the day of Yuta’s birthday. Yuta knew that he wanted to kiss the Prince, but he hadn’t realized he had craved it this much.

Kissing the Prince now felt like the Prince was taking all the air out of Yuta’s lung but like a deep breath of fresh air that gave him life all at the same time. Yuta felt dizzy as the Prince moved to mouth at Yuta’s jaw.

“Wait,” Yuta said with a heavy breath, letting go of the Prince’s jacket and giving him a small push. The Prince remained and this time, Yuta was a little more forceful. “We need to talk,” he said, “And you’re hurt.”

“Talking can wait a little longer.”

Yuta moved his way out of the trap the Prince had him in. He straightened his suit and let out a huff. “It really can’t wait any longer,” he said. As much as I wish it could, was what Yuta didn’t add.

He sat on one of the sofas and motioned for the Prince to sit in the chair across from him. The Prince acted as though he hadn’t seen and sat beside Yuta. He kept his distance and Yuta desperately wanted to reach out and bring him closer. He didn’t.

“Then let’s talk,” the Prince said.

There was so much to talk about, and if they could, Yuta would suggest skipping it all and going back to the kissing. But that wouldn’t help them at all.

Yuta had to tell the Prince about his feelings and about the decision he had come to. He needed to hear what the Prince had to say about it.

“Do you remember what happened in Wenzhou?” Yuta asked, not meeting the Prince’s eyes. He decided to stare at the flower vase in the corner for the meantime.

“Of course I remember,” the Prince replied. “It’s a little difficult to forget.”

Yuta inhaled sharply. “I think we… we went too far that night. There was so much we didn’t discuss and we, we did that.”

The Prince hummed. Yuta felt him staring. “And what was there to discuss? We had made our feelings clear. We both said yes.”

“But we shouldn’t have done that,” Yuta said. He let out a frustrated sigh. “I mean, we didn’t know each other. We _still_ don’t know each other. How could we have done that when we’re strangers? It’s not right.”

“Yuta, you’re thinking too much about this,” the Prince said. Yuta felt the Prince’s hand on his thigh and Yuta looked at it before raising his gaze to the Prince’s face. “We do know each other.”

“We don’t.”

“I know your family, and I’ve met your friend, Youngho. I know you love them, and you look up to your dad the most. I know you love Hajoon and all of my young cousins. You read in the library and like to steal fruits from the kitchen. You found out you love bell peppers. You planted both of your sisters’ favorite flowers in the gardens. You sometimes stumble over your words and you find at least four words you never knew existed every week. You’re stubborn, and you cry more often than you’d like to. You _love_ holding my hand, and―”

“Hey,” Yuta warned.

He felt his heart thump in his chest at the Prince’s words. The Prince knew more about Yuta than Yuta knew about him. It made Yuta feel a little guilty, but he also felt shy knowing that the Prince had learned this much about Yuta even though Yuta didn’t tell him most of those things.

“I’m telling you, we know each other,” the Prince said. “More than you think.”

“I don’t know you,” Yuta replied quietly.

“You do,” the Prince insisted. “I know you do. You just don’t notice it.”

Yuta thought about it. He knew the Prince couldn’t drink too much and when he did, he became emotional. He knew that the Prince loved his family, and his favorite thing was receiving hugs from his mother. The Prince loved playing with Zennie, and he loved playing with Hajoon and his young cousins. He was interested in different types of bugs but hated cicadas. The Prince knew how to cook and wanted to be in the kitchen, but wasn’t allowed to go. He was a perfectionist and could work himself until he exhausted himself. He fell asleep rather quickly after laying down and hardly moved in his sleep. He loved going on walks on a clear day and loved taking a nap during rainy days. He loved his kingdom and would do anything for it.

And Yuta knew that the Prince loved him. 

He did know more about the Prince than he thought. He knew all these things and so many more.

Yuta stayed quiet, and after a moment, the Prince took his hand. 

“Do you love me?” Yuta asked carefully when they had spent a few minutes in silence.

The Prince sighed deeply. “Yuta,” he said. “I’m not going to―”

“Do you love me?” Yuta asked again.

“I do,” the Prince said. He squeezed Yuta’s hand. “I told you I do. I don’t think there’s any changing my feelings. I would if I could if that would make you happy. I would do anything you ask if it would make you happy. But this is something I can’t do for you. You said I can’t keep reminding you, or guilt you into loving me back, but I can’t help it. And I know I’m reminding you now, but remember, you asked me to―”

“What if I love you?” Yuta interrupted.

The Prince stilled. He looked at Yuta, eyes wide. Yuta watched as several emotions crossed his face. He settled on confusion, lips pulling down into a pout and eyebrows cinching together. It would’ve been rather cute, had it not been for the bruise that had settled onto the Prince’s cheekbone.“What did you just say?”

“If, if I love you, what happens?”

“No, Yuta, no,” the Prince said, pulling his hand away. “You don’t have to force yourself to do this. Whatever―whatever reason you have… I don’t, I w―I can’t let you―”

“I’m just saying what if!” Yuta exclaimed. He took back the Prince’s hand. He looked at their joined hands as he spoke. “I’m―I’m not saying I do, right now, but maybe?”

“Maybe you love me?” The Prince sounded awestruck.

Yuta looked up at him. He could laugh at the expression painted over his face. The Prince certainly looked happy and surprised. “Don’t, don’t get your hopes up,” Yuta said gently, squeezing the Prince’s hand. “I’ve only started to sort out my feelings as you told me to.”

“Yuta.” The Prince looked like he was on the verge of tears now.

“Hey! Don’t cry! Why are you crying?” Yuta let go of the Prince’s hand and grabbed the Prince’s face with both of his hands instead. 

“You know that you don’t have to make yourself do this,” he said. “If you don’t think you can ever love me, I’m okay with that. But please, don’t make yourself say you love me just to make me happy. I can’t do that to you.”

Yuta was careful as he wiped the Prince’s cheeks with his thumbs. “I’m not doing anything for you, don’t be an idiot,” he muttered. He looked over the Prince’s face, taking in everything about him. “I’m doing this for myself. A few nights ago you asked me if I would like things to be different, and I said no.”

The Prince was also looking over Yuta’s face, and Yuta wanted to ask what he saw in Yuta at that moment, but he didn’t. Yuta dropped his hands from the Prince’s face and grabbed his hands instead.

“I said no because I love my life as it is now. I thought to myself, ‘I wouldn’t change a thing because I would not be able to live happily in a world without you loving me’. And I thought it was selfish of me to want to keep your love all to myself. But I also thought… what if I love you? Everyone has been asking me that question, but I couldn’t answer them. You’re the only one who needs to hear the answer.”

“And you think you might love me?”

“I do,” Yuta answered.

The Prince scooted closer. “Then can I kiss you?”

“You can.”

* * *

No one made a comment when Yuta returned to the rooms a few nights later, even though Taeil looked like he wanted to say a lot. Yuta wondered just what questions were brewing in his friend’s head. He told Taeil he could ask anything, but the older man hadn’t used that opportunity quite yet.

It felt awkward to suddenly be back in the rooms after having been away for almost two months. It was like he was walking into them for the first time. But unlike the first time that Yuta had walked into the room, the room felt comfortable. It felt like coming back to where he belonged.

The room had been cleaned for the day by the maids already and a young footman had already ensured that the fireplace had fresh wood crackling inside. Yuta looked around the room. He had been in there a few nights ago when he had talked to the Prince but hadn’t slept in there, though the Prince had asked.

Now that he was back, he could take everything in once again. He noticed many things he hadn’t before. The fireplace had several details carved into its stone exterior, each one unique but creating a distinct pattern that went all the way around. The white wall panels had the same details on them in a different shade of white, scrawling up the wall and onto the ceiling, almost unnoticeable if he didn’t pay attention. 

There were a few changes that had occurred as well. The arrangement of the portraits that hung in the antechamber had changed. The portrait of a young Prince hung beside the bookcase now, and in its previous spot, was the portrait of Yuta’s family. A few small landscape paintings had been removed and replaced with others. The one of both Yuta and the Prince was the only one that remained in its spot, over the fireplace.

“Yuta,” he heard the Prince’s voice.

He turned around and was surprised to see the Prince standing in the doorway with a small bundle of fur in his arms.

“I don’t think you’ve met Ruby,” he said.

Yuta smiled. “I haven’t.”

“Ruby,” the Prince said, taking one of her paws in his hands gently. “I have someone I’d like you to meet.”

The Prince walked over to Yuta and Ruby immediately turned her small head towards Yuta. He carefully placed his hand on her head and scratched it.

“I think she likes you,” the Prince said.

“She should,” Yuta murmured. He took a step back.“I’m the one that bought her.”

The Prince let Ruby down onto the ground then and she began to walk around the room happily, stopping and sniffing at something every so often. Yuta watched curiously. She was much smaller than Zennie so there was little worry about letting her run around freely, but he had a feeling she would still get in trouble somehow.

She eventually settled in the middle of the room, beside the sofa, and fell asleep.

“Someone should be coming to get her soon,” the Prince said beside Yuta. He sighed. “I wish she could stay here, but it’s not allowed.”

“One day we’ll sneak her in here,” Yuta replied immediately, making the Prince laugh. “She can sleep on the bed.”

He turned and caught the Prince’s smiling face. Yuta felt his heart stutter in his chest at the sight. He tried his best to smile back.

“We’ll have to do that,” the Prince said.

He excused himself to use the washroom and Yuta wandered over to the desk. He pulled a fresh sheet of paper out and an inkwell. He sat down and reached for a pen. Just as he was opening the inkwell, the door opened.

“Your Royal Highness,” a young man said. “I’m here for Ruby.”

“Oh, she’s there, in the middle,” Yuta replied, not paying much attention to him. He saw the figure move across the room and picked her up.

Yuta looked over his shoulder as he heard footsteps going to the door.

“Goodnight, Ruby,” he called out, catching her attention before the man left the room with her.

Yuta turned back to the paper before him and began to write, carefully creating the strokes of each character.

* * *

_Mother,_

_It’s as you said. The Prince and I have made up. I have returned to the rooms, much to everyone’s delight. It has been too long since I’ve been here. I don’t know how things will progress from here._

_I did not tell the Prince that I love him, but I did not reject my feelings. I think that I want to spend more time with him before deciding if I truly love him right now. My thoughts are confusing and I need more time to sort myself out, but for now, I think this will work for both of us._

_Until then, please take care. Please take care of Papa and Haruna-chan as well. Nee-chan must also take care. She is well into her pregnancy and the baby will be born in a few short months. I look forward to hearing more updates about her well-being. We should begin preparing a celebration for its arrival. I will set aside some of my allowances for her and Yonghoon-hyung as a gift._

_And Mother, I have a favor to ask of you. I would like you to please tell Mina this on my behalf. I loved her truly. She is the only woman that I loved sincerely like that from the bottom of my heart. And I saw myself with her in the future. But my life has changed now, and I am sorry to her._

_Yuta_

* * *

Taeil helped Yuta undress and get into the bathtub, but left right after, retiring to his room for the night. Yuta took his time in the bathtub, enjoying the warm water until it was cold against his skin and the tips of his fingers were pruning.

Once it was too cold for his liking and he had thoroughly bathed, he got out and wrapped himself in the towels that were placed beside the bathtub. He carefully dried himself off and dressed in his sleepwear. He tried his best to dry his hair but gave up. He walked out of the washroom and into the bedchamber, running a hand through his damp hair.

“Your hair is long now,” the Prince said.

Yuta looked towards the Prince, who was sat on the bed, a book in his hands. “What?”

“Your hair,” the Prince said, motioning to Yuta. “It’s longer now.”

“It is. Should I cut it?” Yuta asked, stepping towards the bed.

He didn’t get on, though the Prince adjusted himself so he was leaning against the headboard, a large pillow supporting his back. Even when the Prince patted the spot beside him, Yuta didn’t get on.

“I like it like that,” the Prince said, opening up his book and settling more comfortably against the pillow. “It’s pretty on you. But if you’d like to cut it, we can arrange that as well. You’ll be pretty anyway.”

Yuta felt his cheeks warm up but said nothing. They had just made up and the Prince was already being too bold with his comments. Just because they both had feelings towards each other didn’t mean he could quickly change like that… He needed to give Yuta time to adjust or at least a warning.

“I’m putting the pillows on the bed,” Yuta muttered, reaching for the smaller pillows that the Prince had removed from the bed. He began lining them up down the center of the bed. He felt the Prince’s eyes following his movements.

“I’m not going to do anything to you,” the Prince said. “You don’t need to do that.”

“I know you’re not going to do anything,” Yuta replied, “But I don’t want to see your sleeping face when I turn around in bed.”

The Prince paused and held his breath for a moment. “I’m not that unattractive, am I?” he asked, eyes wide and lips already turning down into a pout.

Yuta ignored him and got on the bed, feeling the warm and heavy covers over his cold feet. He let out a sigh of content and he laid down. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of being in a nice bed. As nice as the beds in guest bedchambers were, they could not compare to this one.

When Yuta opened his eyes, he almost jumped out the of bed. The Prince was leaning over Yuta, only being held back and help up by the pillows between them.

“I asked you a question,” the Prince said innocently. He was too playful tonight, Yuta thought. “I thought you fell asleep.”

“You surprised me!”

The Prince grinned and then disappeared back over the mountain of pillows that separated them. “Can you please answer my question?”

“You’re not,” Yuta sighed, draping his arm over his face. He hoped the Prince didn’t peer over again or he’d see Yuta and his red face. “I don’t think you’re unattractive at all. No one in the world does.”

Unfortunately for Yuta, the Prince’s face was there once again when he removed his arm. Yuta wasn’t surprised, but he hoped that he wasn’t too red in the face. “Well, I only care for your opinion, not anyone else’s.”

Before the Prince could move away, Yuta reached out and pushed his shoulder, making him laugh. “You’re too much. Go to sleep. It’s late.”

The Prince settled back onto his side of the bed. He was humming. Yuta wanted to sit up and look over but didn’t want the Prince to know he was curious. “I’m just happy,” Yuta heard him say.

Yuta didn’t answer. He just closed his eyes once more and listened to the Prince’s soft humming and the occasional turn of a page. It was about half an hour later that Yuta heard the Prince set aside the book and get up to turn off the remaining candles in the bedchamber.

The other side of the bed dipped as the Prince got back in. Yuta held his breath for a moment.

“Goodnight, Yuta,” he heard.

“Goodnight,” he replied softly. “Sleep well.”

The Prince let out a small sigh on the other side of the pillow mountain.

Yuta opened his eyes a few minutes later. 

Something was knocking at the back door of his mind. He knew if he didn’t tell the Prince now, he would never tell him. And Yuta thought that the Prince deserved to know this.

Yuta was ready to be with the Prince, or as ready as he’d ever be. He was prepared to explore the possibilities of their relationship and see if they could be something worthwhile together. But he didn’t want the Prince to mistake that for commitment. Yuta was not ready to commit. Not yet.

He listened to the Prince’s steady breathing for a second, hesitating. “Taeyong?”

He received a soft hum in reply. The Prince was almost asleep.

“I’m happy, too,” Yuta let out in a sigh. “But I’m scared as well. I’m scared of what will happen if this becomes real. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” came the Prince’s drowsy reply. “I’ll be here. You just take your time… and I’ll be here, to help you, defend you… love you.”

Yuta held his breath.

Months ago, even _days_ ago, Yuta had wondered if he could come to love the Prince. He had spent his entire life not knowing that he could love a man and early on in their marriage, Yuta had almost prayed that he couldn’t because the thought was so unfathomable. It wasn’t something Yuta thought he would be able to do. But tonight, Yuta closed his eyes and hoped, prayed, _wished_ that what he was feeling was love. Yuta wanted to love him. He wanted to love Taeyong more than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! We're progressing. Also, reading through that sex scene... I was _seventeen years-old_ when I wrote it, according to the date this was written on in Google Docs. I'm almost twenty now and looking back, I'm so embarrassed. I wanted to go back and re-write it, but I am terrible at writing explicit sex scenes, someone help... Also, my lovely friend that encouraged me to go through this mentioned to me that Yuta and Taeyong's suits at the Soribada Awards were like their wedding suits and it's true! I freaked out about it for a good few minutes. If anyone wants to look up those images, now you know how they kind of looked like (just imagine them to be more _a la 18th-century French fashion_ style). 
> 
> Note for this chapter:  
> \- The letter that Yuta received from his mother was not originally in the story and the initial draft of this chapter that I had (written a little over one year ago) didn't have Yuta getting a letter back at all. I was inspired to write a letter into the story after listening to a very interesting opening track to an album I love. I finally wrote the letter into the story after going back and forth over it with myself. It felt like Yuta coming to the realization that he is probably in love was a little out nowhere, even with the conversations he had with the Seulgi, Seungwan, and Eunbi. After trying and failing to come up with (an original) perfect letter, I finally gave in and wrote it the way it is now. Because this letter suddenly became a big part of this chapter, I had to painstakingly go through the entire thing and add in some parts, which is another reason why this took me so long to post!  
> \- The contents of the letter are almost all directly taken from the thing that inspired me to write it in the first place: the first track of The Regrettes' sophomore album ("How Do You Love?") titled "Are You in Love? (Intro)". There's no need to listen to it, but I really love it since it's like, a spoken track...
> 
> Anyway! Thank you for your lovely comments and kudos. It might take me a while to go through the next part as it's only partially-finished at the moment... I stopped writing it in late-2018 and it has around 19,000 words, so I will have to finish writing it and then go back and do some basic revision. That means that parts 5-7 will be freshly written by 2019 me! Sorry if I have left any mistakes in this part. I tried my best to fix the errors, and despite being fluent in English, I suck at it lol... Thank you all once again! ♡


	5. Leave a Mark on You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, we're here. Happy October. I didn't want to make Jaejoong the bad guy.
> 
> As always, I suck at English. I'm sorry if I didn't catch some things!
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Xenophobia (I think it counts? Adding this to be safe), Mention of Domestic Violence (very, very small and short sentence! I almost missed it if I hadn't read my notes), Mentions of Minor Character Deaths (Yes, plural), Explicit Sexual Content (x2!)

“Hajoon, please don’t run through there,” Juhyun called out. She let out a huff and then walked ahead, going into the small patch of dead flowers to pull Hajoon out herself.

Yuta watched as she scolded Hajoon for running through the flowers, even if they were not in bloom yet. Hajoon looked down at the ground solemnly.

“She lets him get away with too many things,” said the person beside him.

Yuta shifted his gaze away from Juhyun and Hajoon to Taeyong. He was looking at Juhyun with a frown, but there was still softness in his eyes.

“She scolds him now, but if he does it again in two minutes, he’ll get away with it,” Taeyong said. He finally turned away and looked at Yuta. He raised his eyebrows. “Something on my face?”

“You’re red,” Yuta replied.

It was true. Despite being halfway through the second month of the year, the chilly air remained unforgiving. The snow had melted over the week and they had all taken the opportunity to escape the palace and walk the grounds, as cold as it still was. There wasn’t much to admire at the moment, but feeling the last bits of winter against his skin was enough to make Yuta feel alive again.

Even Taeyong looked more alive than he usually did. His cheeks were tinged a soft red, and the tip of his nose had also been bitten by the cold air. The blush against his pale skin was stark. He looked like the dolls that Hajoon had given Yuta, bright pink circles on their cheeks. But Yuta thought Taeyong looked much prettier than some wooden dolls.

“It’s cold,” Taeyong said in response, pouting. He exaggerated a shiver before reaching out to grab Yuta’s hands.

Almost immediately Yuta pulled away. “Your hands are freezing! Don’t touch me!”

Taeyong tried to grab him again. “But you’re so warm. Let me, let me hold your hand, Yuta.”

Yuta let out a huff of air, a small white cloud appearing before him as he did so. He said nothing to Taeyong, who simply took Yuta’s lack of response as acceptance. He carefully reached out and lifted Yuta’s arms, pushing back the ends of his sleeves, revealing his hands.

“My hands will get cold like that,” Yuta said dryly, already feeling the chill that was beginning to settle against his fingers.

“I’ll hold it,” Taeyong replied quietly.

Yuta watched as Taeyong carefully placed their hands together, palm against palm. He shifted his hand a little and their fingers fell into the spaces in between each other’s hands.

“I’m not holding your hand like this. It’s not comfortable,” Yuta said, staring at their joined hands.

“All right, all right.” Taeyong held Yuta’s hand properly and pulled him closer. “There.”

They continued their walk through the garden. It was warmer when they were closer together, Yuta would admit that. But after a few minutes, Yuta’s hand began to sweat and he felt the warmth coming from Taeyong full force against his side. Yuta pulled away from him a little, leaving a small space between them.

“Is something wrong?” Taeyong asked. He looked at Yuta for a second before he turned his gaze down to their joined hands. He slowly started to swing their hands in the space between.

“It’s too warm now,” Yuta replied. “Having you so close to me.”

Taeyong took a step to the side, making the space between them bigger. “Is that fine?”

“Don’t be silly,” Yuta muttered, tugging Taeyong’s hand until he was closer. “It’s fine like this.”

Taeyong didn’t reply. He hummed for a moment to the tune of a song Yuta had never heard. Yuta tried not to look at him but found it hard. Taeyong was looking around the garden. Most of the trees had lost their leaves, the flowers had died after being covered with snow for the last few months, and the sky was still overcast, the threat of rain or more snow looming overhead; everything looked gloomy. Yet Taeyong looked at everything with wonder in his eyes as if the trees and flowers were in full bloom underneath a bright blue sky and shining sun.

“What are you looking at?” Taeyong asked, not turning to Yuta.

Yuta immediately looked away. His cheeks flushed and not just because of the cold. He kept his eyes on the ground, staring at the damp gravel path they were walking on. Much of the gravel had been moved around because of the heavy rainfall the night before and the dirt beneath it had become mud, making a mess of most of the path. It was the most interesting thing for Yuta at the moment.

“Yuta,” Taeyong said. He squeezed Yuta’s hand. “It’s okay if you look at me like that, you know? We’re married. We like each other.”

Yuta huffed. The white puff of his breath lingered in the air for a second before it faded away. He felt his face warm up despite the chill that bit at his cheeks and nose. “It’s only been two months.”

“It’s been six months,” Taeyong corrected immediately. He pulled Yuta closer until he was snug against his body. “Seven if you count that first month before we got married. I don’t. I didn’t talk to you then.”

“No, it’s been two,” Yuta argued back. There was no bite in his tone or any annoyance. He sounded small and shy in his ears. He finally looked away from the path and at Taeyong. “I count it as two.”

A look flashed across Taeyong’s face. He wasn’t annoyed or irritated. He looked surprised, his eyebrows coming together the slightest bit and the corners of his lips turned down a little. Yuta could see a thousand questions in his eyes. The expression disappeared entirely in the blink of an eye.

It was replaced by the look that Taeyong only used on Hajoon when he was sad. Taeyong’s bottom lip jutted out and his eyebrows seemed to turn down. It was a look that Yuta was fond of. He would admit it now. Whenever Taeyong looked at Hajoon like that, he had a certain softness in his eyes and it was almost reassuring. Yuta thought he would never be on the receiving end of such a look, but here he was.

His breath caught in his throat. His heart began to beat a little harder.

Before Taeyong could say anything, Juhyun’s voice cut through the cold air, slicing the moment in half. Taeyong turned away quickly, looking towards her, and Yuta let out a slow, deep exhale, feeling dizzy all of a sudden.

“We must go in now,” Juhyun was saying. “The rain is coming soon.”

“Go ahead,” Taeyong replied to her, motioning to the palace. “We’ll be right behind you.”

Juhyun eyed them for a moment before she nodded. She called out to Hajoon, who was running through the flower patches. She placed her hands on Hajoon’s shoulders and began to lead him back inside. Hajoon tried to peer over his shoulder but Juhyun carefully turned his head back with one of her hands, leaning down to tell him something in his ear.

“We should go in then,” Yuta said, tearing his eyes away from Juhyun and Hajoon’s disappearing figures.

Taeyong cleared his throat. “Of course,” he replied. He gave Yuta a small smile. “Let’s go in.”

They walked back quietly and once they stepped inside, a young man that seemed to be waiting by the door seemed to jump up at the sight of them and quickly moved to walk on Taeyong’s other side. At the sight of the man beside him, Taeyong pulled his hand out of Yuta’s grasp and took a few steps forward, leaving him behind.

“Your Royal Highness,” the young man greeted with a small bow of his head as he settled into Taeyong’s pace.

Taeyong didn’t look at the young man. He kept his gaze straight forward. He walked tall with long strides. His shoulders seemed to broaden. “Ten, tell me,” he said. His tone was strong, commanding.

Ten spoke quietly. Yuta didn’t catch a word of what he said, but Taeyong seemed to straighten up even more, murmuring back his reply. 

Yuta stopped walking entirely then, standing in place, still a few steps away from the door they had just walked through. He looked after Taeyong, walking down the long hall with Ten, and wondered what had just happened. Taeyong had left him so quickly, without even hesitating.

He had done it before. Dongyoung would often come and tell Taeyong he was needed elsewhere, and Taeyong would leave, but Yuta had never been affected by it. He wondered why it was so different this time.

Yuta could still feel the cold that was coming inside. Yuta glanced over his shoulder and caught the eye of the guard that was standing beside the door. A second later the large door closed with a loud thump. A great bit of cold air was pushed in Yuta’s direction and he shivered. He wrapped his arms around himself and then turned his head back to the front.

When he looked back, he didn’t expect to see Taeyong still there, facing him. He was standing further away, with Ten a little behind him. Ten was smaller than Taeyong, both in his frame and in stature, so he had to peer around Taeyong to get a look at Yuta. There was curiosity in his eyes.

“Yuta,” Taeyong called out. His voice was soft. His head was tilted to the side as if questioning why Yuta had stopped walking. He tilted it to the other side a little. He lifted his arm a little, beckoning him. “Yuta.”

Yuta felt the warmth bloom in his chest and then it spread through the rest of his body, warming him up almost immediately. “Go ahead,” Yuta said, despite wanting to go to Taeyong. “We can talk later. I need to find Taeil.”

Taeyong looked at him for a moment, but then he let out a sigh. “I’ll see you at dinner,” he said. He turned back and motioned for Ten to walk beside him and continue talking.

Yuta exhaled deeply.

He thought that things would be as they were before. It had been nearly two months like this, but it wasn’t the same as it was before. Things were too different now.

Yuta felt like he was someone else entirely, not in control of his body. It was disorienting and confusing. He wondered if telling Taeyong his feelings was the wrong thing to do. Since he had told Taeyong, he had been acting differently towards Yuta. The Taeyong that Yuta was with now was not the Taeyong that Yuta had started to like before.

He acted more affectionate towards Yuta in front of others, reaching for Yuta’s hands and even bringing them to his lips and placing soft kisses along the back. He used _that_ voice, _that_ look, on Yuta and it caught him off guard every time. He had introduced Yuta to a visitor as his “lovely beautiful husband” the week before, with a smile on his face. Taeyong had never introduced him to anyone as such. Yuta had just been Taeyong’s “husband” in the past.

His behavior was new and sometimes his actions and words were troublesome.

Yuta wondered if his attraction towards Taeyong was strong enough for this. Because while Taeyong had begun to shower him with affection that he had been holding back for who knows how long, Yuta couldn’t bring himself to do it, even though Yuta desperately wanted to.

He caught glimpses of Taeyong’s disappointed face when Yuta missed the perfect moment, the best opportunity to show Taeyong love. It made Yuta feel disappointed in himself.

He tried not to think of it as he rushed down the hallway, turning once he got to the grand staircase.

Though he had told Taeyong he needed to meet with Taeil, he didn’t need to do anything with Taeil today. But perhaps Taeil had some things for him. It had been almost two months since Yuta had sent his mother a letter and there had been no reply yet. He was becoming anxious, asking Taeil about it at least once every day.

Just as he was going to ascend the second flight of stairs to the third floor, Taeil appeared at the top.

“Yuta!” he said. He rushed down the steps. And like the angel Taeil was, he seemed to conjure up a small envelope from thin air, holding it up for Yuta to see. “A letter. From your mother.”

Yuta went up the stairs, meeting Taeil halfway. He took the letter into his hands and stared at it for a moment. “It arrived today?” he asked, looking back up at Taeil.

“A terrible snowstorm hit the Yuksan Mountains a month ago. The royal mail carrier was not able to go through the mountain until it was cleared and deemed safe to travel through.”

“I―” Yuta paused. “I’m sorry, I have to read this now. Is there anything else?”

Taeil shook his head. Yuta let out a sigh of relief and sidestepped Taeil, going up a few steps before Taeil grabbed him by the sleeve of his greatcoat.

Yuta looked down at Taeil, who stood a few steps down, looking up at him seriously. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” Yuta replied automatically. Taeil gave him a look. “Taeyong’s just gone into a meeting.”

“I’m sorry. Would you like me to accompany you to your rooms?”

Yuta shook his head. “No, no. I’m all right.” He hesitated. Taeil raised his eyebrows. “If you could ask for some warm tea and a bath. I think the chill has frozen my bones.”

“Dinner will be ready soon,” Taeil informed him. He let go of Yuta’s sleeve. “Will you take it in your rooms then?”

Taeil was daring Yuta to say he would. Yuta knew it. After seven months, Yuta had come to know Taeil very well. Most times, Yuta wouldn’t do as he said to prove a point, but tonight, he wasn’t feeling like his usual self.

“Yes,” he said. His tone was off. It sounded weird. Yuta clutched the letter in his hands a little tighter. “I’ll be taking dinner in our rooms. Please tell Taeyong he can take his time with his meeting.”

“Right away, Your Royal Highness.”

 _Your Royal Highness._ Taeil hadn’t referred to Yuta as such since the day he arrived.

Taeil bowed his head and turned around, going down the stairs. Yuta followed him with his eyes until Taeil was gone, disappearing down onto the ground floor. Yuta shook his head and turned back, going up the rest of the way.

He reached the third floor and took his time walking to the rooms. When he entered, it was empty and almost completely quiet. Only the crackling of the wood inside the fireplace sounded through the antechamber. The fire itself brightened up the entire room.

Yuta stood by the door for a bit, staring at the fire, thinking.

He didn’t want things to be different.

He only wanted them to stay the same.

He knew that he had been standing in place for too long when it became too warm. Yuta made his way into the antechamber and set his letter onto the desk. He unbuttoned his greatcoat and slipped it off his shoulders, tossing it onto the sofa.

Yuta picked up the letter from his mother. He carefully broke the wax seal on it.

Before he could open it, the door was pushed open.

“Your Royal Highness,” a young woman’s echoed through the antechamber. “I’ve brought the tea.”

Yuta didn’t turn to look at her, but he motioned to the desk. “Here, here. Set it here.”

A moment later, the young woman appeared in his line of sight. She carefully set the tray down onto the desk. She reached for the handle of the teapot but Yuta held a hand out.

“I’ll do it myself,” he said. “You may go. Thank you.”

She hesitated for a second but then placed her hands at her sides. She gave Yuta a small curtsy and then disappeared. Yuta waited until he heard the door shut behind him.

He set his letter down, reached out to grab the teapot, and poured out the tea into the small teacup. Once it was filled, he set the teapot back on the tray and pushed the tray away. He sat down in the chair and picked up the letter again.

With another great sigh, he unfolded it.

* * *

_My dearest son, Yuta,_

_I am most pleased to inform you that Momoka will be having her baby soon. The child should be born by the end of the third month. The name remains undecided, but I know that Momoka and Yonghoon will know the name the moment they see their child._

_They thank you for your well-wishes and your gifts. We are planning a wonderful celebration already. Whatever you send will be used to purchase whatever the baby needs. Yonghoon is a little miffed that his brother-in-law is going to support their baby, but Momoka is ecstatic that her child will have such wonderful things because of an uncle like you._

_If you would have us, we would like to come down near the Prince’s birthday. At that point, it will have been a year that you have been away. We must celebrate the first year of your marriage! We will have a belated celebration for the new baby as well! I am sure that the family would love to meet the child._

_I must also let you know that receiving your letter left me quite worried. My dear, I know that you must have been thinking of Mina recently. I know that you loved her truly once, and it is all right if you don’t anymore. It must hurt you to think of the love that you once had for her, but you cannot blame anyone or any force for what has occurred over the last few months._

_My son, I am no liar so I will tell you as it is._

_Mina asks after you often. Momoka has taken a break from working at the schoolhouse, but Haruna visits the children often and Mina asks her. Haruna says that she keeps the ring on her finger most days, but before she had to stop going to work, Momoka also told me that she sometimes keeps it on a simple necklace, hidden underneath her fichu. Momoka has noted that it is on those days that she is rather upset about something. Everyone has been expecting her to do something rash, but she has not. She is a naturally calm person and has remained so over the months, despite the worries her family has had. Her resilience is astounding to many, but I know that you must not be surprised by it. You loved her after all._

_To answer Mina’s questions, I tell Haruna to pass along information. I tell her what I can. I respect your privacy and know that our letters are meant to be kept between us. I tell her that you are well and happy. Haruna says it makes her happy to hear that. She is not a lady that smiles too often, but according to Haruna, she smiles brightly when she hears about your well-being, even on the days when your ring is hidden from the world._

_Mina has never once asked me to pass a message along to you, even though she sees the royal mail carrier come through town to deliver your letters to me. She is too kind to ask me. And perhaps she is also too scared of what might be of your relationship with her if she passes a message along through me._

_I suspected that your affections had shifted, and I am not the only one who thought so._

_I came across her the other day and she asked. She said she saw that the mail carrier had managed to make it into Modan-ri despite the snowstorms that have hit the Yuksan. She asked if your letter arrived well. I told her it did. It was then that she asked how you were. I did not tell her much. I said you were well, and she smiled. I was amazed by the sight. And then I said that you asked me to pass a message to her. She interrupted me._

_She asked me, “He has fallen in love with him, is he not?”_

_She was still smiling as she asked. I felt sorry for the girl. I wondered for a moment what I should answer._

_And my son, I know you know I am no liar._

_She had seen it coming from the start. Perhaps from the moment you rejected her for the first time. It was the last moment that she had you for herself, to call her own. Since then, you have not been hers._

_As the tears formed in her eyes, she asked me if I could pass along a message._

_She wishes for you to have a fulfilling life beside the person you love. She looks forward to the day that you come back to home with your husband for Modan-ri to meet. She would love to meet him properly and give him a gift that she has been holding onto for too long._

_She is moving on, dear. It’s time for her to let you go. And I hope that you can let her go as well._

_My son, she cannot be tied to you any longer. She has been scared out of her wits waiting for this moment to come. As your mother, please listen to my words. She has gone through enough. Though it’s only been once, you mustn’t ask after her again. It is not proper of you as a married man. She must let you go now. Let her._

_I fear the day that I must let you go as well. I hope that when that day comes, you will allow me the same courtesy._

_Love, Mama_

* * *

Yuta heard Taeyong enter the room in a rush.

“Yuta,” he called out. “Yuta?”

He appeared by the washroom door seconds later, eyes wide and frantic.

“There you are.”

“I was taking a bath,” Yuta replied casually. He motioned to the tub that he had just drained out. He pushed his wet hair aside and got a good look at Taeyong. He looked pale, paler than usual, and he looked distraught. “Is something wrong?

“You, you,” Taeyong started. He pointed at Yuta. “You―”

“I, what?”

“I thought I left you.” Taeyong’s voice came out small. He also slumped his shoulders a little, making himself smaller. He looked away from Yuta, focused his gaze on the marble tiles of the washroom. “I was worried. Doyoung, he… When I realized I would be a while, I told him to tell you… I wasn’t coming for dinner. But he came back and said that no one was in the dining hall. I left you alone.”

“I can be left alone,” Yuta said, tilting his head to the side. “It isn’t new.”

“But I didn’t know where you were, Yuta,” Taeyong said exasperatedly, looking back up at Yuta. “I thought _you_ left. We couldn’t even find Taeil. I, I thought you _left_.”

Yuta waited for a moment. He saw how Taeyong pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, not knowing what to do with his hands, eyes looking over Yuta as if to make sure he was there. “I’m here,” Yuta said finally. He opened his arms a little. “I’m right here.”

Taeyong took this as a sign to move towards him. He didn’t step into Yuta’s arms though. He stopped when he was almost an arm’s length away. “I know,” he said. “I know.”

“I’m not leaving,” Yuta said, taking a step towards Taeyong. He wanted to reach out and pull him closer, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Yuta knew it was the perfect thing to do in this perfect moment but he hesitated. He waited too long and the moment was gone. He sighed. “Why did you think I left?” he asked instead.

“I don’t, I’m not sure,” Taeyong managed to say. “It’s a thought I have sometimes. You, leaving―it crosses my mind sometimes. And it happens like that… with you thinking I left.”

Yuta took another step towards Taeyong. They were only centimeters apart now. He looked down and carefully reached out to grab the end of Taeyong’s sleeve with his fingers. He looked back up at Taeyong. He looked into his eyes. “I didn’t think you left,” Yuta said slowly, hoping the words would reach that part of Taeyong that made him feel like that. “And I didn’t think of leaving either. I’m here.”

A smile finally graced Taeyong’s face and Yuta felt like everything had shifted back into place.

Was this was it was like? Being with Taeyong?

Taeyong reached up with his other hand and held Yuta’s face gently. Yuta felt the pad of Taeyong’s thumb stroke his cheekbone. “You’re here,” he said. He sounded surprised, as if having Yuta there was something to marvel at. He looked awed as he took in every part of Yuta’s face, eyes darting around. Yuta wondered what Taeyong was seeing as he did so. Another smaller smile formed on his face. And then, in the softest voice: “I’m happy.”

Yuta took in every part of Taeyong’s expression. He studied the way the corners of his lips turned up the slightest bit. He tried to memorize the distinct curve of his eyelids and his long eyelashes that touched the tops of his cheeks when he blinked. He noted the way Taeyong’s strong eyebrows didn’t take away from the fondness in his eyes. Yuta tried to ingrain this sight into his mind.

“I think I am, too,” he said without thinking.

Taeyong seemed to go still for a moment, but he relaxed immediately. He ran his thumb over Yuta’s cheekbone once more. “You already ate?”

“Before I bathed,” Yuta replied. “You’ve not eaten.”

“I’m not hungry,” Taeyong said. “Not after the emotions I’ve had the last half hour…”

Yuta moved his fingers from the sleeve of Taeyong’s waistcoat and wrapped them around his wrist. “You’re going to eat right now. I’ll ask for something to be brought up.”

Yuta felt Taeyong’s resistance immediately, already sensing him forming his argument in his mind, but instead of telling Yuta not to bother, he seemed to hesitate. A second later, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Yuta’s lips, closing his eyes as he did.

It was slow and gentle. Yuta’s eyes fluttered shut and he felt that specific warmth go through his body once again.

Yuta’s hand moved up from Taeyong’s wrist and he held onto Taeyong’s shoulder tightly. Taeyong’s hold on Yuta also strengthened and he pulled him closer, closer, closer until they were flush against each other. Taeyong’s free hand made its way to Yuta’s hip, and Yuta’s found its place on Taeyong’s waist.

They stood there, kissing for another minute or two. The feeling of Taeyong’s lips against Yuta’s own was a feeling that Yuta thought he’d never get used to. They were soft and smooth, and Taeyong moved slowly as if he had all the time in the world to spare.

The moment Taeyong pulled back, Yuta felt the need to chase him, kiss him again. And for once, he did.

It caught Taeyong by surprise, but he was quick to kiss Yuta back. It was shorter but just as sweet.

Taeyong pressed his forehead against Yuta’s. “Your hair is still wet,” he commented, looking Yuta in the eyes.

“You didn’t give me a chance to dry it, coming in here, as panicked as you were.”

“You’ll get sick.” Taeyong moved away, but he didn’t step back. He moved his hand from Yuta’s face to Yuta’s other hip. “It’s raining.”

“Is it?”

Taeyong nodded and they stood in silence for a moment. Sure enough, the pitter-patter of rain was there, hitting the windows. Yuta looked towards the large windows of the washroom and saw the way the drops of water splattered all over the glass before sliding down.

“I’ll ask for them to bring you something, then dry my hair,” Yuta said, returning his gaze to Taeyong. “Is that okay?”

“I’ll be here,” Taeyong said.

Taeyong dropped his hands from Yuta’s hips and sidestepped him. He motioned for Yuta to go ahead.

Yuta left the washroom. He heard the turn of the faucet and the sound of the water hitting the tub. He closed the washroom door behind him and wandered into the antechamber.

He stepped into the hallway, barefoot and only dressed in his banyan. Most of the candles that lit up the hallway were extinguished for the night. Yuta tiptoed down the hall, careful not to make too much noise. He tried his best to find someone, anyone, squinting his eyes to see better in the dark.

A door in the hallway suddenly opened with a creak and Yuta jumped back.

“Your Royal Highness!” a young man’s voice called out as he stumbled backward. The young man was holding a chamberstick in one hand and he quickly moved it so the candle’s light shined on him. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Yuta replied with a wave of his hand, even though he had quite the scare.

“Is there something you’d like, Your Royal Highness?” the young man asked, eyes wide.

“Yes,” Yuta said. He clapped his hands together. “Taeyo― His Royal Highness asked if someone could bring him something to eat. He hasn’t eaten.”

“Right away, Your Royal Highness,” the young man replied.

The young man disappeared down the hallway, taking the light with him. Yuta turned back around and carefully made his way back to the rooms.

He closed the door behind him. His eyes took a second to adjust to the light once again.

Yuta returned to the washroom, knocking on the door before he entered. He heard Taeyong’s muffled voice on the other side. Yuta opened the door slightly and peered inside. He saw Taeyong in the tub. He shifted his gaze to the windows, focusing on the rain that fell against it.

“I need another towel for my hair,” Yuta said.

“Come inside,” Taeyong said.

Yuta stepped into the washroom, avoiding looking in Taeyong’s direction. He reached out to make sure he wouldn’t crash into anything and grabbed blindly at the items beside the tub. He finally felt the soft linen towel and pulled it from where it sat on a small table beside the bathtub.

“I’ll dry my hair outside,” Yuta said. He cleared his throat. “Someone is bringing you food soon.”

He heard Taeyong hum and the way that the water sloshed in the tub. Yuta didn’t look at him. He just turned around and headed back for the door, closing it behind him carefully.

He brought the towel in his hands to his hair and began to dry it as best as he could. He had gotten a haircut a month ago. It wasn’t too short. It still tickled the back of his neck and fell over his eyes, but it was not at a length that was bothersome to wash, brush, and style.

Taeyong complimented him on his hair often and Yuta wondered if Taeyong would continue to do so if Yuta cut his hair to the original length he had when he arrived at the palace. 

He shook his head, tossing the used towel into the large basket the laundress collected every day. His hair wasn’t dripping wet anymore, but it was as dry as it was going to get.

Yuta began to remove the pillows from the bed and pulled back the covers of the bed. He set the largest pillow in the center before he got onto the bed. He had gotten a little cold because of his bath and his wet hair and now that he was in bed near the fireplace, it felt like heaven.

He laid down but didn’t close his eyes to sleep. He just waited.

After a few minutes, he heard the antechamber door open and hushed voices of maids. He heard the clatter of the trays and dishes being set out. When they were done, they left.

Taeyong stepped out from the washroom moments later. He turned to Yuta. He was dressed in a banyan like Yuta’s and his hair was still damp. A few strands stuck to his temples and some fell over his eyes. Taeyong’s hair looked darker when it was wet, contrasting against his pale skin.

Yuta kept his eyes on Taeyong, who walked to him. He stopped right beside the bed, looking down at Yuta.

“Are you going to sleep now?” he asked. He carefully reached out and pushed back the hair that fell over Yuta’s forehead. He began to run his fingers through Yuta’s hair slowly. “Is it too cold?”

“I’m fine,” Yuta replied quietly. He moved into Taeyong’s touch, feeling comforted as Taeyong continued to brush Yuta’s hair with his fingers. He closed his eyes for a moment, sighing. “I can keep you company if you’d like.”

Yuta opened his eyes in time to see Taeyong shake his head. “No, no. Sleep.”

Yuta hummed. “Okay,” he managed to say. He could feel himself begin to fall asleep. “But come to bed soon.”

“I will,” he heard Taeyong reply.

He fell asleep before he could tell Taeyong anything else.

Yuta wasn’t sure how much time had passed but he was awakened by something wrapping around his waist, pulling him closer. He let out a quiet groan at being disturbed and turned in bed.

“What?” Yuta asked. He opened one of his eyes. The bedchamber was dark except for the fireplace in the corner, but the fire inside was beginning to die out. Still, he could make out Taeyong in front of him. They were nearly touching noses. “Something wrong?”

“I’m just cold,” Taeyong said softly. He tightened his arm around Yuta a little. “Is this okay?”

Yuta had insisted that they keep one pillow on the bed to separate them. Even though Taeyong would never do anything, Yuta was still uneasy. Taeyong had agreed if it would make Yuta feel better, and he had never once removed the pillow between them. Taeyong was the kind of person that was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow and he didn’t move much in his sleep thereafter.

He wondered why tonight was so different.

“‘S fine,” Yuta managed to say.

He was feeling different tonight, too.

Yuta reached out and wrapped his arms around Taeyong’s abdomen. He moved his head so it was tucked under Taeyong’s chin. “Sleep now,” he murmured.

He felt something soft press against the crown of his head. “All right,” he heard. “Goodnight.”

* * *

Instead of taking breakfast in the large dining hall, Taeyong had insisted that they eat in a small parlor by the library. It was warmer than the large empty hall and they had a clear view of the back gardens. The rain from the last few days had finally disappeared and the sun was peering over some clouds, shining down on everything.

It wasn’t much of a view, without the trees or flowers in bloom, but it felt nice to sit beside the window and let the early morning sun’s rays shine down on them.

They had been there longer than breakfast usually was for them, eating at a slower pace. Dongyoung had come in to tell Taeyong his plans for the day after the first hour, but Taeyong had waved him off, told him to eat his breakfast. Yuta had heard Taeyong’s schedule anyway, despite Taeyong trying his best to interrupt Dongyoung and send him out. 

Dongyoung was insistent, however. 

“His Royal Highness, Prince Kunhang of the Kingdom of Daoming, has asked if you could continue the meeting you cut short last night,” Dongyoung said, speaking to Taeyong but looking at Yuta. He was frowning. Yuta wondered if he had ever seen Dongyoung smile. “Ten has told me that his court is rather impatient.”

“I’m trying to _eat_ ,” Taeyong said. He held up his chopsticks, a piece of egg held between them precariously. Then he motioned to Yuta. “Yuta is trying to eat as well. He doesn’t want to hear you ramble this early in the morning.”

“Your Royal Highness,” Dongyoung said sharply. Yuta paused and looked up at Dongyoung again, who was now standing right beside the small table they were eating at. He was staring at Taeyong with a steely expression. “Prince Kunhang has been gracious enough to extend his visit for _two more days_. It is not only in your best interest but also your duty to accommodate yourself to him. He should not accommodate you and your careless whims.”

Yuta blinked. He shifted his gaze to Taeyong, who was chewing on the egg carefully. “Taeyong?”

Taeyong looked at Yuta with wide, curious eyes. “Yes?” he asked. “Is the food to your taste?”

Dongyoung huffed from his place beside the table. Yuta opened his mouth and then closed it. He tried again, but couldn’t come up with the proper words.

“Yuta?”

“Taeyong,” Yuta finally managed. He spared a glance at Dongyoung, who was still watching them both. “I think we must start our days now. The time for breakfast has passed…”

Taeyong shook his head. “Nonsense. You haven’t finished eating. Only when you’re done,” he said. He picked up another piece of egg, grabbing a small bit of rice as well.

Yuta sighed, exasperated. He looked up at Dongyoung. He did not look happy in the slightest. “Dongyoung, if you would…”

“Your Royal Highnesses,” Dongyoung said respectfully. He stepped away and then made his way to the door. He didn’t spare them a glance as he opened it and stepped outside.

“Taeyong, you can’t do that!” Yuta exclaimed as soon as Dongyoung closed the door behind him. “You must listen to Dongyoung.”

Taeyong let out a small snort. “No, I don’t.” He took a moment to chew before he added, “And it’s not like you listen to Taeil.”

Yuta huffed. “Well, _I’m_ not a prince,” he said. “Besides, it’s none of your business, if I listen to Taeil or not.”

At this, Taeyong seemed to want to say something. Yuta raised his eyebrows in question, waiting. “It _is_ my business,” Taeyong said after a moment. “I am the one that assigned him as your valet. I know all of it.”

“He reports to you then? How often? Daily?” Yuta asked sarcastically.

Taeyong sighed, bringing up his hand to his face. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yuta, do not do this right now,” he said, slumping his shoulders. “It is too early and too good a day to argue this.”

“I am simply asking,” Yuta replied. “There is no need to argue unless you’ve done something wrong. Have you?”

“Yuta.”

“Taeyong.” Yuta took a deep breath. Taeyong remained silent. “If that’s the case, excuse me. I have to give Taeil something that he can report to you later.”

Yuta stood from his chair and stepped away from the table. He walked to the door and was surprised when Taeyong didn’t come after him. Yuta couldn’t be too surprised though. 

He had exaggerated a bit. Of course, Taeil told Taeyong things Yuta did. As Yuta’s closest companion, Taeil knew everything Yuta did daily. And it was Taeyong’s right to know what Yuta did, as his husband. Similarly, there was no doubt Dongyoung would tell Yuta every part of Taeyong’s schedule, should Yuta ask for it.

Yuta was about to open the door, but he hesitated for a second. A second was all it took.

“Join me.”

He heard the sound of the legs of the chair scrape against the wooden floor and Taeyong’s footsteps. He stopped and it was then that Yuta whirled around. “What?”

“Join me, in the meeting,” Taeyong clarified. “Prince Kunhang is visiting after all. I’m sure he’d love to meet you. He’s heard a lot from Sicheng.”

Lord Sicheng. It felt like Yuta had met him years ago, but it had only been four months since their trip to Wenzhou. Lord Sicheng had been told that they were friends. Yuta told him that he liked a woman.

Yuta frowned. “Lord Sicheng doesn’t know the true nature of our relationship.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Taeyong said hastily, waving him off. He took a few steps towards Yuta. “Will you join me?”

“You can not be serious…”

Taeyong looked completely serious.

“I am serious,” he said. He took a step closer, eyes not leaving Yuta.

“No, I mean… I know you’re serious,” Yuta replied. “But I don’t understand.”

Taeyong frowned. “You’ve been going with my sister!” he exclaimed. “Why can’t you join me?”

That’s different, Yuta thought. He didn’t say that to Taeyong though. Taeyong would only get more upset if he did. But it was true. It was different.

When Yuta accompanied Hayoon, he went as someone that wanted to learn and everyone present knew that. He came on his own volition, eager to hear and take in as much information as possible. Hayoon met with older court members, ones that didn’t care where Yuta was from. They saw him not as Prince Taeyong’s husband, but as someone that wanted to be knowledgeable and active in the running of the kingdom. He wasn’t there as a prized possession to be shown off. When he went with Hayoon, he was respected.

But if he joined Taeyong for his meetings, Yuta worried about what other certain court members would think of him. While there was a small handful of members that sincerely respected Yuta, there were others that did not look upon him kindly. It was unfortunate that these court members were the ones Taeyong met with most frequently. Yuta had met them at parties briefly, but he had never come across them otherwise. Of course, they smiled in his face as they complimented him, but the words they said behind his back traveled around the palace quickly. To those people, Yuta was nothing but another person that put them closer to paying off their debt. Yuta was nothing but the husband that Taeyong paraded around at parties. They didn’t see him as anything else.

Yuta didn’t want them to disregard him even further and see him as that prized possession they already thought he was. If Taeyong walked into the meeting room with Yuta on his arm, he would become a joke to these people. It would look like Prince Taeyong’s little husband had feigned interest in the ruling of the kingdom. But Yuta truly wanted to _learn_ , and if joining Taeyong would take the opportunity from him, Yuta would rather not join him.

“Yuta, help me understand,” Taeyong said.

How could Taeyong not know what they said about him?

“I would not be received very well,” Yuta replied. “Trust me when I say that.”

Something in Taeyong’s expression changed then. Yuta saw the way that Taeyong straightened up. His hands curled into fists on either side of his body. His jaw became taut and he bit down on his bottom lip. His eyebrows came together and there was a hard look in his eyes.

“What is it?” Yuta asked.

Taeyong tilted his head to the side a bit, thinking. He shook his head slightly. “It’s nothing,” he said.

“Tell me,” Yuta insisted.

There was some hesitation. The expression on Taeyong’s face disappeared and he seemed to relax. He reached out to grab Yuta’s hand. “Has anyone said anything to you?”

“To me? About?”

“Just tell me.” Taeyong’s tone was hard, but it was not demanding.

“No,” Yuta answered. “No one has said anything to me. Why?”

Taeyong shook his head. “Nothing.” He pulled his hand back. He gave Yuta a look. “But if anyone says anything to you, tell me.”

“Tells me anything about _what_? And why should I tell you?”

“Just… anything… that doesn’t make you feel good,” Taeyong said casually. The same hard expression from before flashed across his face for a moment again. He paused. “I’ll need to know who it was and what they said.”

Yuta let himself smile as he realized what it was. “This is new,” he said, making sure that the teasing tone in his voice was obvious. Taeyong looked at him, suddenly curious. “This side of you… you didn’t show him to me earlier. Is this you being protective?”

Taeyong seemed flustered after Yuta finished his question. “What? That―that’s…”

“Maybe if you’d been this fiercely protective from the start…” Yuta started casually. He was aware that despite his teasing, he was still embarrassed by the realization that Taeyong wanted to protect Yuta from anyone that said anything bad to him. He could feel Taeyong waiting for him to complete his sentence. “I would’ve told you I liked you earlier,” he finished.

“Yuta!”

Yuta let out a loud laugh. He reached out to give Taeyong a small shove on the shoulder. Taeyong quickly grabbed his hand again, refusing to let him go. “I’ll join you,” Yuta said, catching Taeyong’s attention. “Not today, but I’ll go. On the last day Prince Kunhang is here, I will go with you.”

A smile graced Taeyong’s face and Yuta felt as if the sun shining through the window became a little brighter.

* * *

Prince Kunhang of the Kingdom of Daoming was younger than both Yuta and Taeyong. He was four years their junior, born the same year as Haruna. He was even younger than her, which surprised Yuta.

Taeyong had said very little about who Prince Kunhang was, but he mentioned that after his sister stepped away from their family, he had moved up in line for the throne and was now the Crown Prince. And as Crown Prince, Prince Kunhang had to become knowledgeable about the runnings of the Kingdom of Daoming, which included building relationships with the various allies, the Southern Kingdom being one of them.

“Prince Kunhang has made quite an impression on your mother and sister-in-law,” Taeil admitted when he was dressing Yuta earlier. “He’s very handsome, quick-witted, and kind.”

He was still a boy, Yuta thought. Even though he was of age, he was still young. It was probably a lot to handle all of this as a new adult.

Yuta kept this in mind as he was led by Taeyong into a small parlor. Yuta heard someone formally announce their arrival and the doors opened. They both walked inside, and Yuta was surprised to see Prince Kunhang.

Despite his young age, he looked mature. He had strong features. He had a well-defined jaw, and his eyes had a distinct curve to them. His eyebrows were thick and full, but he didn’t look too unapproachable. His smile was nice and seemed to soften the rest of his face.

Like Lord Sicheng all those months ago, Prince Kunhang wore a traditional Daoming robe. The robe was a deep shade of blue, almost black. As he stood and moved towards them, the fabric flowed through the air, giving him a look a grace and delicacy. 

“Prince Kunhang,” Taeyong greeted.

Yuta remained silent, just marveling at the young prince before him. Prince Kunhang smiled even wider at Taeyong’s greeting.

“Prince Taeyong,” he said, bowing his head. He shifted his gaze to Yuta. He raised his dark eyebrows a little, and his lips made a small ‘oh’. There was curiosity in his eyes. “And this must be―”

“My wonderful husband,” Taeyong interrupted gently. He glanced at Yuta. “Yuta.”

Yuta tried his best to smile. “Your Royal Highness,” he said with a bow of his head. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Prince Kunhang replied. He offered his hand and Yuta placed his own over it. Prince Kunhang pressed a soft kiss to the back of it. “You are much more beautiful than I was told.”

Yuta felt himself blush. “Oh, well…”

Beside him, Taeyong cleared his throat. “Well, the tea is being served. Please, Prince Kunhang, sit, sit.”

The three of them sat down at the small round table. The maid that poured their tea excused herself once she was finished. Prince Kunhang picked up his small teacup and took a sip.

“Ah, it’s quite good,” he said. He set it back down. He eyed Taeyong for a moment and then Yuta. “Your Royal Highnesses, if you don’t mind, I have invited a guest to join us.”

“Oh,” Yuta said, surprised.

“Oh,” Taeyong said at the same time, but he didn’t sound shocked at all by Prince Kunhang’s small announcement. He sat up in his seat, a smile on his face. “Of course we don’t mind. A special member of your court?”

Prince Kunhang picked up his teacup again. He smiled once again, hiding it behind the rim of his cup. “Something like that.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes while they waited for Prince Kunhang’s guest. Prince Kunhang complimented the tea and pastries served. They were much different from the ones they had in the Kingdom of Daoming. It was refreshing to have something new, according to him.

Just as Prince Kunhang was about to tell them of a traditional dessert from his home, the herald standing at the door announced the arrival of the guest. The three of them stand and wait for the guest to walk in.

“From the Kingdom of Daoming, Lord Xiao Dejun,” the herald said. The doors opened and on the other side was another young man.

He was tall and handsome, dressed in a robe similar to Prince Kunhang. He looked younger than Taeyong and Yuta, closer to Prince Kunhang’s age.

Prince Kunhang moved from his spot toward the young man. The young man looked embarrassed. He eyed Taeyong and Yuta for a moment, but then Prince Kunhang reached him, and he took the young man’s hands in his. He told him something, and the young man replied.

“Who is that?” Yuta asked Taeyong quietly.

Taeyong was smiling. “You’ll see.”

Prince Kunhang pulled the young man by the hand, toward them.

“Your Royal Highnesses,” he said. He looked at the young man with a smile. “It’s my honor to formally introduce you to my fiancé, Dejun.”

Yuta tried not to act too surprised. He let himself smile. He bowed his head in the direction of the young man. “A pleasure to meet you,” he said.

Prince Kunhang’s fiancé smiled a little awkwardly. “Likewise.”

Taeyong reached out to grab Yuta’s hand. “Yuta, Prince Kunhang and Lord Dejun have invited us to attend their wedding next year.”

“The invitation is rather premature, but…”

“Of course,” Yuta said with a smile.

He eyed Lord Dejun for a moment. He sensed his nervousness

Lord Dejun was a handsome man, like Prince Kunhang. He had long hair parted down the middle and it fell on either side of his face. He had brown eyes with strong eyebrows, like Prince Kunhang, almost a little more overwhelming on his face. His lips were the slightest big smaller, but Yuta knew that he must have a pretty smile.

Yuta wondered how Prince Kunhang and Lord Dejun had come together. They seemed comfortable together, but something was off about them. Yuta entertained the thought that perhaps Lord Dejun was in a situation like Yuta’s, but the Kingdom of Daoming didn’t have their princes marry off like that. More often than not, the Kingdom of Daoming arranged marriages to other princes and princesses for their royal children.

Yet, he could tell Lord Dejun was not anywhere close to being a prince. Yuta wondered if he was even a Lord in the first place.

Yuta had not had a title given to him officially, even though Taeyong had said he could have one. Yuta could easily become a lord, a duke, or anything in between if he liked, but Yuta had little desire to hold a useless title. He was just Taeyong’s husband. Nothing more.

The four of them sat back down and a cup of tea was prepared for Lord Dejun. He accepted it graciously.

“Please try the sweets,” Yuta said softly, catching his attention. Lord Dejun looked at him with wide eyes. “They go very well with tea.”

Lord Dejun quietly tried the sweets and Yuta pretended not to hear the small sound of surprise that escaped him as he did.

“They’re delicious, aren’t they?”

The young man, who seemed to relax a little, nodded. “They’re very delicious.”

Yuta looked over at Taeyong, who was focused on cutting up a small slice of cake. Yuta narrowed his eyes.

Taeyong had set him up here. Yuta realized the importance of this meeting immediately.

Prince Kunhang had brought his fiancé for them to meet, and he most likely inexperienced and terrified out of his mind to be standing beside a prince. And Taeyong…

Well, Prince Taeyong had a husband that had adjusted quite nicely to a life of luxury as part of the royal family. Prince Taeyong’s very beautiful, very lovely, very loyal husband was of the respectable kind, and if anyone could learn from him, it would be Prince Kunhang’s future husband.

They spent the late morning in the parlor, quietly conversing. Prince Kunhang and Taeyong dominated most of the conversation, speaking about some things Taeyong knew were going to come up in the meeting in the early afternoon. Occasionally, Taeyong asked for Yuta’s input, which he provided without argument. Yuta had learned much about the kingdom and Prince Kunhang seemed impressed by his knowledge.

Yuta tried not to be too annoyed by the fact that Taeyong was radiating with pride beside him every time he spoke.

Prince Kunhang tried to get Lord Dejun to engage in the conversation as well, but Lord Dejun only blushed.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I am not too knowledgeable about the kingdoms yet…”

Yuta offered a comforting smile and reached out to place his hand over Lord Dejun’s. “Do not worry,” he reassured. “It took me a while to learn this much. You will learn, too.”

This seemed to make Taeyong even happier if the pleased smile on his face was anything to go by. Prince Kunhang also seemed to appreciate Yuta’s words.

“Xiaojun learns quickly,” he said, a certain fondness in his voice. The nickname caught Yuta off guard. He wondered how the portmanteau of Lord Dejun’s name had come about. “Please don’t take offense, but he’ll know even more than you one day, Your Royal Highness.”

Taeyong let out a laugh. “Now, now, Prince Kunhang,” he said. “Yuta is very diligent about learning.”

“I look forward to seeing it,” Prince Kunhang said. There was a teasing lilt to his voice.

Lord Dejun looked at Prince Kunhang, and Yuta saw it then. Whatever the situation was, however they ended up together… it didn’t matter. Lord Dejun loved Prince Kunhang.

They spoke a bit longer until all the tea in the pot was gone.

“Shall we start the meeting then?” Taeyong asked, standing from his chair.

Prince Kunhang also stood. He smiled cordially. “Of course.”

Yuta stood and took Taeyong’s offered hand. He was aware of what he looked like. He looked like the prized husband he was supposed to be, beautiful and knowledgeable. He had been introduced to Prince Kunhang to show him how the Southern Kingdom lived, that even a common man like Yuta was capable of these things. He was the example that Lord Dejun would have to follow.

If Taeyong wanted that, Yuta would play the part. He’d play along with Taeyong for today. He was under the scrutinizing eyes of Prince Kunhang and Lord Dejun, as well as any other members of the Daoming royal court, and all of his movements were being accounted for. A simple mistake on Yuta’s part would affect Taeyong negatively, and as a result, the rest of the family. Yuta would play along because if he didn’t and Prince Kunhang turned out to be more sinister than he seemed, the Southern Kingdom could easily lose an ally.

Though Prince Kunhang didn’t seem sinister in the slightest. He was smart, but not in a cunning way. He was genuine in his actions and words. Yuta saw it in the way he spoke respectfully to Taeyong, even though he was someone higher in status than Taeyong. He addressed Yuta with the same level of respect, never taking advantage of the fact that Yuta was someone that didn’t belong there in the first place. Yuta wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that Lord Dejun came from a common family background.

Lord Dejun was much brighter once he realized that Taeyong and Yuta could be trusted. He laughed loudly, and Yuta thought it was endearing. He truly did have a beautiful smile. And though he wasn’t knowledgeable about the kingdoms, he was smart in his own way. He was quick-witted and was able to speak about different topics in depth.

As they left the parlor, Lord Dejun fell into step with Yuta. Taeyong let go of Yuta’s hand and moved up to walk beside Prince Kunhang, beginning to tell him about the part of the palace they were in.

Whatever Yuta said to Lord Dejun could count against him.

“Hendery brought me so I could learn,” Lord Dejun offered by himself. Yuta glanced at him, surprised. “He said that once we're married there will be a lot of this in the future.”

“I can assure you that you won’t see him often,” Yuta said in response. He thought of all the times he had been left alone because Taeyong was busy dealing with the workings of the kingdom. And Taeyong wasn’t even the Crown Prince. “Sometimes you’ll think you imagined him.”

Lord Dejun laughed. “It already feels like that some days,” he said. “He said I could find a friend in you. His Royal Highness and you married, even though you were a common man.”

“We did,” Yuta confirmed. 

Lord Dejun said it as if Yuta had a choice in whether he married Taeyong. Yuta corrected the statement in his mind: His Royal Highness and he fell in love, even though he was a common man. Yuta wondered if Lord Dejun knew why he and Taeyong ended up marrying. It seemed like Prince Kunhang and Lord Dejun had mutually decided to get engaged, even if Lord Dejun was not a prince himself. If only that had been the case with Taeyong and Yuta.

Yuta cleared his throat. “If you would trust me, I’d be happy to provide some companionship. Since we’ll be seeing each other in the future.”

“Certainly.” Lord Dejun stayed silent for a moment. “And, if it’s not too much to ask, where do you come from originally?”

“Modan-ri,” Yuta said. “It’s a small village in the mountains. It’s very difficult to find if you don’t know the area.”

Lord Dejun hummed. “Modan-ri,” he repeated.

Their conversation was cut short as they arrived at the large meeting room. Taeyong looked over his shoulder at Yuta. He offered his hand and Yuta was quick to take it. 

Yuta could hear the herald’s loud voice inside the room on the other side of the door. Yuta heard him announce their presence and the doors opened.

The members of the court that were present stood from their chairs and watched as they entered. There were some murmurs at the sight of Yuta. Even though he had been announced, the court members still seemed surprised to see him there. He offered his best smile to the court members.

Taeyong led him to some chairs and a smaller table set off to the side, where he would be able to spectate.

“Would you like anything?” Taeyong asked quietly as Yuta settled into the chair. He didn’t let go of Yuta’s hand quite yet. “A pen and paper? Some more tea?”

Yuta smiled up at Taeyong. “A pen and paper would be great,” he replied.

Taeyong smiled, letting go of his hand. He moved towards a young man, told him something that made him scurry off, and then walked towards the large table where everyone else was sitting.

“Gentlemen, ladies,” Taeyong greeted as he sat in the chair at the head of it all.

Yuta watched as Taeyong’s smile disappeared and was replaced with a stern expression. He seemed to become bigger. He broadened his shoulders, puffing his chest a little. His movements looked sharper and more precise, unlike the gentle and delicate way he usually moved. He looked around at everyone with a hard expression. He was commanding respect. These men and women were older than him, but they respected him. Whether it was because they truly liked him or because they had to, Yuta didn’t know, but he thought it wouldn’t be too hard to figure out.

He wondered if the people of the royal court knew how Taeyong was outside of their meetings. Yuta wanted to know if any of them had ever seen him playing with the dogs, helping Hajoon with his schoolwork, or speaking with his parents. Taeyong was so different then. He was free and honest. Taeyong was playful and sweet.

But Yuta knew that it was unlikely they had ever seen him like that.

Taeyong worked hard to separate the two lives he had. He brought his work into the rooms for the night, yes, but he never spoke of it to anyone, except for Dongyoung or his formal royal advisors sometimes, and when Yuta told him to set it aside, he did so without complaint. But during the day, when Taeyong wasn’t meeting with people, it was as if he was just Taeyong, not a prince with various responsibilities. He was just himself. A brother, a son, an uncle, a husband.

Yuta would not be surprised to hear that Taeyong never mentioned things from his personal life to members of the court. Even if they were trusted people of the palace, they were not all part of his family and they had little reason to seek him out outside of the meetings. It was likely that Taeyong had never said anything about the happenings in his personal life. He wouldn’t discuss the new number of words Hajoon had learned, or talk about how Ruby had run him ragged after running all around the palace. It would not be appropriate, and Yuta knew Taeyong knew that.

Taeyong presented himself differently to these people to make sure they knew who he was and how much power he had. Keeping away his private life and acting like a different person ensured that they were always reminded of how much respect they owed him.

To these people, this was the only Taeyong they knew. Prince Taeyong.

Yuta marveled at him for a few moments. He had seen him in glimpses, but seeing him like this, in the environment that Prince Taeyong thrived in, was awe-striking. Yuta could go up and kiss him senseless.

Before he could act on his thoughts, Yuta’s attention was taken away by the herald, who stamped his staff against the floor.

“From the Kingdom of Daoming, Crown Prince Wong Kunhang, and Lord Xiao Dejun,” the older man announced.

The doors opened and once again, everyone stood. Yuta held his hands behind his back and watched.

Prince Kunhang walked in gracefully. He had a smile on his face, and he offered nods to the members of the court. Lord Dejun was on his arm, a small smile plastered on his face.

They moved towards Yuta. Prince Kunhang let go of Lord Dejun’s hand and Lord Dejun stood in front of the chair beside Yuta’s.

The members of the court seemed to be awed by Prince Kunhang. They all watched intently as he walked to the empty seat beside Taeyong’s, to his right. His robe swayed as he walked and even after he stopped, standing by the chair for him, the robes continued to move, slowing down until the fabric sat still on his body.

Prince Kunhang stood out the most. Not only was he dressed different, but his youth was evident. He was even younger than Taeyong, yet he stood higher on the list of people that commanded respect.

The entire table sat. Yuta followed, sitting down in his seat. He had a pen, inkwell, and a small stack of fresh paper waiting. He hadn’t even seen the young man that Taeyong sent away return with them.

As he settled into his seat, he noticed Lord Dejun still standing. Yuta reached out and grabbed the end of his sleeve, tugging softly.

“Sit, Lord Dejun,” he said gently.

Lord Dejun sat beside Yuta. He was looking at all the members of the court with wide eyes.

Though Yuta had never sat in on a meeting with Taeyong, he had attended plenty with Hayoon. He had become used to seeing the court members gathered around the large table.

The meeting started in earnest. Taeyong introduced Prince Kunhang formally, and Prince Kunhang received a warm welcome, which he responded to humbly.

The first topics were smaller and lesser. Some court members had projects they wanted to propose, in the palace and other smaller villages further away. Taeyong considered them all, writing them down. He listened to each person intently, asking questions about the specifics to make sure it all made sense. All the projects would be presented to his mother and as sweet as the woman was when she acted as a mother, she was rather unforgiving to people that were unprepared in their presentations when she was acting like the Queen of the Southern Kingdom.

As the small issues died down, court members began to propose possible legislation. Yuta took note of these. The members of the court had interesting ideas, and with his limited knowledge, Yuta already could tell which would make it through for consideration and which would not even be written down.

It was about two hours before everything was cleared out and then, the exciting stuff could begin.

“Prince Kunhang is here on business,” Taeyong announced. Prince Kunhang nodded beside him. “He has graciously extended his stay so we could solve this issue. We hope to find a solution today.”

Yuta tilted his head. He wondered why Prince Kunhang had come, specifically. Yes, Prince Kunhang needed to familiarize himself with how his kingdom ran and meet with the important allies, but to have to formally sit in a meeting when he wasn’t even the king yet made Yuta curious.

“The Kingdom of Daoming has seen an influx in population,” Prince Kunhang spoke. His voice was stern, nothing like the soft-spoken young man Yuta had met earlier in the day. “It has come to our attention that large groups of people have begun migrating into the Kingdom of Daoming, unofficially. And this is also an issue that the Southern Kingdom has faced for decades.”

Taeyong cleared his throat. “The majority of these people come from the West Empire, and the rest come from the Eastern Islands and further outlying lands, such as Karagi and Suin. The enforcement of legislation regarding migration has been rather lax, since about thirty years ago.”

Yuta held his breath for a moment. He held his pen over his paper. The ink on it dripped down and splattered onto the paper, ruining his previous notes.

“Your Royal Highness?” Lord Dejun asked quietly, reaching out to touch Yuta’s shoulder. “Are you all right?”

Yuta sat up. “I’m fine,” he said with a small smile. He looked down at his notes and cursed under his breath. He pushed the piece of paper aside and pulled a fresh one from the stack. He looked back up to the large table, keeping his eyes on Taeyong.

“―considering prosecution for anybody that has unofficially come into the Southern Kingdom, and as a result, the Kingdom of Daoming, within the last thirty years,” Taeyong was saying. He looked at Prince Kunhang. “Prince Kunhang, if you would.”

Prince Kunhang firmly nodded his head once and cleared his throat. He looked around the table at everyone. “The Kingdom of Daoming strongly suggests prosecution, with a target on individuals and families coming from the West Empire. His Majesty the Emperor has been lax regarding the legislation in place, which severely violates the agreement between the Southern Kingdom and the West Empire that followed the Ten Year War. However, as the Southern Kingdom’s most trusted ally, King Wong and the Kingdom of Daoming will follow the lead of Queen Sora regarding the situation.”

The court members looked at Prince Kunhang in interest. Yuta did as well.

“Queen Sora is in discussions with her advisors to ensure that the best decision is made moving forward. Since the number of people coming in from the West Empire has increased exponentially following His Majesty the Emperor’s ascension to the Magnolia Throne, Queen Sora has begun the process of seeking another agreement that would be more appropriate. As the Agreement of the Ten Year War states, the West Empire must remain―”

Yuta couldn’t focus on the conversation anymore. He turned away from Taeyong, who continued speaking, and looked down at the blank piece of paper in front of him. Taeyong’s voice seemed to fade away until it was a soft hum in Yuta’s ears.

He must not act too nervous. It would be suspicious. Was Yuta being suspicious?

They were speaking about the West Empire. It wasn’t too uncommon for the West Empire to come up in meetings. Yuta had been in Hayoon’s meetings and they spoke about it sometimes, but never like this. There were suggestions on how to continue trade without violating the agreement, or how to settle disputes over land that had been conquered centuries ago. It had startled Yuta, the first time they had mentioned the West Empire, but he had gotten used to it.

But today, the conversation was different. The Southern Kingdom and the Kingdom of Daoming didn’t want to settle land disputes or rework trade agreements and routes. They wanted to solve an issue of population. There were too many people coming from the West Empire, and they needed to be removed.

It was Yuta’s biggest fear. His family’s biggest fear. It was all becoming a reality today. He was watching the discussions now, but it wouldn’t be long before he was hauled out of the palace and dropped off outside the Southern Kingdom’s borders.

“Your Royal Highness,” Lord Dejun’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

Yuta looked at Lord Dejun. He looked worried, his eyebrows coming together a little, and a small frown on his face. “What?”

“You’ve gone a little pale,” Lord Dejun whispered. “We can leave. Let’s get some fresh air.”

“Several prominent families went missing from the West Empire, approximately thirty years ago. Official records do not state that these individuals were killed during the Red Years or the Nights of Fire that followed. We assume that they have relocated to other lands, more specifically the Southern Kingdom or the Eastern Islands. Such families include significant parts of the Ishihara clan, Nakajima clan, Kishi clan, Yamashita clan…”

Yuta inhaled sharply at the sound of a familiar name. 

Prominent parts of the Kishi-clan had gone missing a little over twenty-five years ago. It wasn’t thirty years ago. It was only twenty-five years. Yuta knew that because he had turned twenty-five four months ago.

Yuta heard his mother’s voice in his head. 

_His name was Kishi Yuta, and he was only fourteen years old. Matsumoto-san had very good connections with his father. The Kishi family was an important one in the town of Hinagu, one of the most prominent in the southern region of the West Empire. Yuta-kun only had his father, his grandparents, and two siblings. His older brother also was sent to help people escape but in Minabe. We later found out that he had never made it to Minabe to help his father’s friends there. His younger sister stayed in Hinagu. Your father tried to look for any indication of them being there when we arrived in Hinagu but found no sign of them ever being among the destruction. We wanted to tell his father that his son had died in our care._

“Your Royal Highness…”

“No,” Yuta said. “I’m all right, Lord Dejun.”

“―the possibility that they’re hiding in small villages under stolen identities or made-up names with falsified documents is high. Queen Sora and King Wong have quickly agreed to begin verifying any suspicious individual that is reported to the authorities―”

“Your Royal Highness, I’m sure that your gentleman of the chamber would be happy to help us. I saw Lord Kim standing outside. Perhaps he could help…”

Lord Dejun tried to pull Yuta up from his chair, but he remained frozen. He couldn’t move.

“Your Royal Highness,” Lord Dejun insisted quietly. “Please, you’ve become a little pale…”

“―suggested looking through smaller villages, starting at the northern border of the Southern Kingdom. Queen Sora’s advisors have drafted the fine-comb inspections to begin at the start of the third month, and they expected it to last for fourteen months. It remains unclear what will happen to individuals found to be from the West Empire but the current proposal is to keep them in holding. The advisors have recommended private execution, but Queen Sora remains undecided on the proper punishment―”

No. No. No, that couldn’t be. Yuta felt like he had been punched in the stomach and left gasping for air. He was struggling to focus and he began to feel lightheaded. He felt his vision began to go in and out, becoming blurry around the edges.

“―reason to suspect that newborn children have turned twenty-five years-old last year. It is highly likely that these individuals have already married and had children, which makes it more difficult to prosecute them. Families that came with no children but had children within the borders of the Southern Kingdom are also another difficult case. All children born on Southern Kingdom soil are lawful citizens, regardless of their parents’ origins. In regards to this, Queen Sora has taken into consideration many different factors―”

“Let’s go,” Yuta said quietly. He couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t listen to Taeyong any longer.

He stood from his chair and Lord Dejun grabbed onto his arm, holding him up. Yuta felt even shakier on his legs than he originally thought he was and he almost pulled Lord Dejun and himself down. Some of the court members shifted their gaze to them, and even Prince Kunhang looked at them curiously, tilting his head to the side.

“Lord Park has more information regarding the proposed plan of action,” Taeyong said hurriedly, cutting himself off. He motioned to an older gentleman sitting a few chairs down from him. Taeyong then stood up and quickly made his way over.

He stood on Yuta’s other side and grabbed his other arm.

“Yuta, what’s wrong? What’s the matter?” Taeyong asked quietly. He was looking at Yuta with his big, worried eyes. 

Yuta felt like he was about to lose everything he had in his stomach. “I… I need some fresh air,” he managed to say. “Lord Dejun is going to help me find Taeil.”

“Let me go with you,” Taeyong said as they reached the door. He looked back at the large table briefly, where Lord Park was presenting something. “Let me just end the meeting and I’ll take you to our rooms. I’ll call the doctor.”

“No,” Yuta said, more harshly than he wanted to. He let out a small sigh. He softened his tone. “No, stay. Lord Dejun will accompany me. I’m sure I’m fine. It’s just…”

“Your Royal Highness, I’ve got him,” Lord Dejun interrupted gently. He offered Taeyong a small, reassuring smile.

Taeyong looked at Lord Dejun, and then at Yuta.

“I have to do this,” Taeyong said, sounding helpless. “Prince Kunhang…”

Yuta waved him off. “I understand.” He let out a small sigh. “I will see you in a bit.”

Yuta saw the hurt that flashed across Taeyong’s face, and he wished he could apologize, but the doors opened and Lord Dejun began to pull Yuta out of the meeting room.

Dongyoung was standing outside and when he saw Yuta and Lord Dejun, he rushed over. He held Yuta’s other arm, the one Taeyong had been holding, and looked at him worriedly.

“Yuta, Yuta,” he said, sounding panicked. “Are you all right?”

“It’s the first time you’ve said my name,” Yuta managed to say with a small, dry chuckle. “I’m fine, Dongyoung. I think I just need some fresh air.”

“Lord Dejun, thank you so much,” Dongyoung said. “Please, please. I can help His Royal Highness.”

“Dongyoung,” Yuta scolded weakly. “Stop being like that for once.”

“Of course, Your Royal Highness.”

Together, Dongyoung and Lord Dejun helped Yuta onto a small balcony of an empty meeting room a few doors down. The air was still cold, but not overwhelming, and it hit Yuta like a slap in the face. He took a deep, deep breath, pulling his arms out of the two men’s holds. He grabbed onto the balcony railing and nearly heaved everything in his body over it. Instead, he just took even more deep breaths.

The Southern Kingdom was going to beginning looking for people from the West Empire. They were going to find Yuta. They were going to find his family. And what would happen then? What would happen to them?

Yuta’s parents were never declared dead as a result of the Nights of Fire. There were most likely records for all of Yuta’s aunts, uncles, and cousins―all of them declared dead. But what about Nakamoto Tatsuo and Sayuri, and their daughter Momoka? Three members of the family were officially unaccounted for. There was a reason to suspect that parts of the Nakamoto family had successfully escaped the West Empire.

And would they look until they found them? Would the Southern Kingdom search until they knew who the Nakamoto family was hiding as?

And if that found out that Nakamoto Tatsuo and Sayuri had a son that was never officially declared within the West Empire but brought into the Southern Kingdom, what would they do? What would they do when they found out who that son was, and how close he truly was to the people of power?

“Your Royal Highness,” Dongyoung said, coming up to stand beside Yuta. “You’re pale. Come, we must get you inside. I’ll call for the doctor and he could―”

“No,” Yuta said. “No, Dongyoung. I’m all right. I just… needed to breathe.”

“Yuta.”

Yuta whirled around and frowned at the sight of Taeyong. “ _What_ are you doing?” he asked, bewildered. “What are you doing _here_?”

Taeyong was also frowning. He looked upset. He was hesitating, Yuta could tell. He wanted to come close, but he didn’t want to upset Yuta even more.

“It’s not…” Taeyong held his hands in front of him, “I’m worried. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong!”

Yuta took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He focused on the cool air that hit his skin and on inhaling, exhaling. Calm. Calm down.

Yuta felt two warm arms wrap around him and he let himself relax. It was Taeyong. He placed his head on Taeyong’s shoulder, inhaling deeply. Taeyong’s warm, sweet comforting scent hit his nose and Yuta sighed against Taeyong’s collar.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. 

Taeyong only tightened his hug around Yuta. “Don’t apologize,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.”

They stood there for a moment and then Taeyong pulled away. He cupped Yuta’s face in both of his hands. His eyes moved to each part of Yuta’s face, taking him in.

“Are you okay? Do you want to go to the rooms?”

“I’m okay,” Yuta said. He pulled Taeyong’s hands away from his face gently. “We can go back to your meeting. I’m fine.”

Taeyong looked unconvinced but nodded after a moment. “I’ll tell Doyoung to find Taeil just in case.”

It was embarrassing, walking back into the meeting room and having everyone look at him. It was even more humiliating when Prince Kunhang set his eyes on Yuta, watching him settle back into his seat with curiosity. Taeyong had boasted about how well Yuta learned, how eager and ready he was to attend meetings, and Yuta had made a mess of it.

“Your Royal Highness,” Lord Dejun said quietly once they both sat back down, “I also feel the tea and pastries not settling well in my stomach.”

“Ah, right,” Yuta said, avoiding Lord Dejun’s eyes. “It must’ve been that…”

Taeyong took his seat back and the conversation started again. This time, Yuta picked up his pen and began to draw aimlessly on his sheet of paper. He could feel Lord Dejun’s eyes following his hand, but he could care less.

Yuta’s attention was called back up when all the members of the court present stood up. He watched as they left the room, one by one. He turned to look beside him and found Lord Dejun asleep.

“Yuta,” Taeyong’s voice called out. He was walking towards them with Prince Kunhang beside him. Yuta stood up, hiding the paper he had been drawing on underneath the rest of the blank sheets. Taeyong didn’t seem the notice it at all. “Ah, Lord Dejun has fallen asleep.”

“Understandably so,” Prince Kunhang said. He looked tired as well. “I think we’ll be retreating for the night. We leave tomorrow morning.”

“Join us for breakfast,” Taeyong said.

Prince Kunhang smiled. “Of course.”

Prince Kunhang moved to shake Lord Dejun’s shoulder, waking him up. He leaned down and whispered something in his ear. Lord Dejun sat up, his wide eyes still filled with sleepiness. Prince Kunhang helped him up and then he looked at them.

“Thank you for having us,” Lord Dejun said with a bow of his head.

Taeyong smiled. He wrapped an arm around Yuta’s waist, pulling him a little closer. Yuta almost pushed him away but remained still. He caught Prince Kunhang’s questioning eyes. Taeyong didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong, again. “It was a pleasure to have you with us.”

“Well, we wish you a good night,” Prince Kunhang said after a moment.

Together, Prince Kunhang and Lord Dejun left the meeting room. Outside, they were greeted by their gentlemen. The doors closed and they were gone.

Yuta looked around the meeting room. It was almost empty.

A few gentlemen remained, speaking amongst themselves, but at the furthest end of the table, one sat by himself. He was looking through some documents silently. He remained even when the other members began to collect their documents and leave.

Taeyong was busy gathering his documents and notes. Yuta sat in an empty chair at the large table, watching Taeyong, but he couldn’t help but feel uneasy by the remaining man’s presence.

Even when Taeyong finished and offered his hand to Yuta, the man didn’t make a move to leave. It was only as they began walking to the door that he did.

“Well, well,” he said, making them stop in their tracks. It was only Taeyong, Yuta, and him in the room. They turned around to look at him. He was standing now, walking around the table slowly. It took a minute or two before he was standing near them. “We had a new member of the family join the discussions today.”

“Uncle,” Taeyong said, pulling away from Yuta. “Yuta has been joining Hayoon for nearly three months now. He has been part of the discussions.”

“And with what authority?”

“Uncle―”

Yuta grabbed Taeyong’s arm, holding him back. “Taeyong,” he warned under his breath.

Taeyong’s uncle smiled. “No, no. It’s okay, Yuta,” he said with a wave of his hand. “You know, Taeyong’s always been protective of his favorite things. Ever since he was a little kid. You couldn’t even joke about it.”

“Yuta is not a―”

“Yuta isn’t a lot of things, is he?” Taeyong’s uncle interrupted. “I think we’d be surprised to find out what Yuta isn’t.”

Surprised, Yuta let go of Taeyong. “I’m sorry?” He felt his heartbeat quicken.

“Taeyong,” the older man said. He looked around the meeting room pensively before settling on Taeyong. “Did you know that Yuta’s name originated in the West Empire? A name like that… a name like _Yuta_ , it just isn’t too common here. But in the West Empire…”

“Uncle, what are you saying?” Taeyong looked upset now. Yuta reached out again to grab him by his arms, but Taeyong didn’t seem to notice. Taeyong couldn’t do anything, Yuta thought. He shouldn’t do anything.

Yuta looked at Taeyong’s uncle.

He was the Queen’s youngest brother, almost twenty years younger than her. He was closer in age to Hayoon than he was to his sister, growing up alongside the Crown Princess as if she were his sister. It would’ve been better if the Crown Princess was his sister. Then he would have a chance. But despite being tenth in line for the throne, Prince Jaejoong remained well-mannered and poised.

“I’m not saying anything,” he said. He spoke gently, innocently. “What do you think I’m saying?”

“I think you’re saying that Yuta is from the West Empire.”

“Ah!” Prince Jaejoong exclaimed. “My dear nephew, _you’re_ the one the said it just now, not me. And as a member of the royal family and the royal court, I must take this claim and report it to Queen Sora. After all, you’re the one that said we had to report suspicious people.”

Yuta held his breath.

How had they already known?

Taeyong was angry now. But it wasn’t typical anger. Taeyong was cold and quiet, quietly fuming under his breath. He had a hard expression on his face. “No,” he said sharply. “I did not say that, Uncle. I did not say that my husband was from―”

“But you did,” he interrupted. He motioned to Yuta. “And he heard you say it.”

Yuta tightened his hold on Taeyong. He didn’t want Taeyong to go after his uncle, but he also didn’t feel like he had the strength to keep himself up.

A million thoughts were running through his head.

“That is not how this works, Uncle. You cannot―”

“I can,” his uncle interrupted again. Yuta could see the distress on Taeyong’s face. He turned his gaze to Yuta. He had a hard look in his eyes. “Na Yuta is a suspicious person.”

“You have no reason to say that,” Taeyong said. “Nothing is suggesting that Yuta is not from the Southern Kingdom.”

“You will stand by him?” Taeyong’s uncle let out a dry laugh. He motioned to Yuta. “You will defend him?”

Yuta tugged on Taeyong’s sleeve, but Taeyong didn’t move. “Taeyong…” he trailed off quietly.

“I will stand by my husband against your baseless accusations,” Taeyong said firmly. Yuta pulled on his sleeve again, but Taeyong shook him off. He was looking at his uncle with a steely expression.“And do not think for a moment, Uncle, that I will not defend Yuta to the end.”

“You’re letting him play you for a fool, nephew,” his uncle replied. “You will give your life for this man? You’d give up your life as prince?”

“Taeyong, don’t do this…”

Yuta saw the expression on Prince Jaejoong’s face. He was smiling, but there was something more sinister underneath it all. He was thinking of something and Taeyong was only falling into the trap he was planning. Yuta felt sick to his stomach. He felt the corners of his eyes begin to prickle with tears and breathing became a little more difficult.

“I’d give my life for Yuta without any hesitation,” Taeyong said.

“You have lived a life of comfort, my dear nephew. If you lose this life, you will be lost. You will be forced to do things you never thought you’d ever have to do just to survive a day. That man… he has no worries. He has spent his entire life like that. He’ll go right back to where he started. He’ll survive just fine. But you?” Prince Jaejoong scoffed. He took a few steps towards them. “You can't live like that for the rest of your life. You don’t have the skill, the mentality, the energy to live like that. You speak of giving up your life, yet you don’t know what you’re signing up for. He was brought into his life because of you. And trust me when I tell you that he will be the reason you are brought out of it.” 

“There will be no reason for me to relinquish my title.”

“If your husband is found to be an unlawful citizen of this kingdom, there will be no choice,” Prince Jaejoong said. “If he is, in fact, a citizen of the West Empire, then you will have violated the Ten Years Agreement and be forced to relinquish all your titles, assets, and name. You will be a traitor to the crown.”

Yuta felt himself get more agitated. He reached out for Taeyong again, pulling him back, but Taeyong didn’t stay back for long. He pulled himself out of Yuta’s grasp and walked right up to his uncle. Taeyong was only a little shorter than his uncle, but he made himself look bigger, stronger, shoulders broad and standing upright.

Taeyong took a deep breath and looked the man right in the eye. “If you do not have evidence, then it is _you_ that will be imprisoned, Uncle, for falsely reporting my husband and accusing me of a crime. And trust me when I tell you, I will not be lenient with the severity of the punishment I impose.”

“You will regret this,” Prince Jaejoong replied coldly. “You’ve tricked yourself into thinking that he loves you. Do you think he won’t leave you the second you lose your title, your money? Hopeless and pathetic, Prince Taeyong. You’ve allowed him to do this to you in front of everyone. Have you no shame?”

Yuta watched as Taeyong curled his hands into fists at his sides. Yuta took a few steps forward but was hesitant. He had never seen Taeyong so angered in his life.

“Have _you_ no shame, Uncle? Who are you to come out and insult my husband, His Royal Highness, Na Yuta?”

“His Royal Highness?” Prince Jaejoong laughed. “He is no royal. He is nothing. He is dirt beneath our feet, Taeyong. He is only a royal because you made him one. Without you, he is nothing but a―”

“Watch your mouth, or I will―”

“Stop it, Taeyong!” Yuta yelled, finally feeling like he had been suffocating long enough. He was almost gasping for air. He reached out and grabbed onto Taeyong’s arm harshly, pulling him away from his uncle. “Stop it, at once! You’re making a fool of yourself!”

Both Taeyong and his uncle were silenced. Taeyong looked back at Yuta with wide eyes, the anger in his eyes fading into confusion. Prince Jaejoong looked surprised for a moment and then angered. Yuta had done the worst possible thing.

“Have you no manners?” Prince Jaejoong asked, eyebrows raised. “Have you no respect?”

Yuta looked at the older man. He slowly and carefully let go of Taeyong, realizing the severity of what he had done.

“Were you my husband, I would have struck you.” The man took a few measured breaths. He looked at Taeyong. “Your Royal Highness, teach your husband to have some respect, for you and himself.”

Taeyong’s uncle left the room with a huff. The door slammed closed.

Yuta’s entire body was shaking. He fell onto his knees, hugging himself. The tears in his eyes were beginning to blur his vision and when he blinked, he felt them begin to roll down his cheeks.

Still surprised, Taeyong turned around. He looked down at him. 

“Come now, Yuta,” he said gently. He crouched down in front of Yuta. He brought Yuta into his arms. Yuta felt him begin to run his fingers through his hair. “It’s all right now, Yuta.”

* * *

Yuta remained quiet as they entered their rooms.

Taeyong had calmed down during dinner, which had been quieter than ever before, but Yuta could see that he was still rather upset. More than angry, Taeyong was hurt. Yuta knew that Taeyong looked up to his family members, and then for this to happen… it was most likely leaving him uneasy.

It didn’t help that Yuta had acted so harshly towards him as well. Yuta had hurt him, too.

“I’m sorry,” Yuta said. “You were only trying to defend me.”

Taeyong was silent. He moved towards one of the sofas. He let out a deep sigh as he sat down. “No, I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have acted that way.”

“I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” Yuta let out a dry laugh. “Who am _I_ to speak to you like that?”

Prince Jaejoong had been close to striking Yuta across the face himself. How dare Yuta raise his voice and grab his husband, the Prince of the Southern Kingdom, in such a manner? It was disrespectful, not only to Taeyong but to the entire family. Yuta had disrespected them all the moment he decided to yell and grab Taeyong in front of another member of the family.

Taeyong stood from the sofa. “No.” He took a few steps back towards Yuta. He was hesitant. “No. He was wrong for what he said about you. There’s no… Yuta, we are _equals_. You and me, we are equals. Just because I am who I am doesn’t mean I’m better than you.”

Yuta looked away. He heard Taeyong come closer, and soon his face was cupped in Taeyong’s hands. Taeyong was looking at him with his big, beautiful eyes. It was that look. The look that had never been directed Yuta’s way, but now he was on the receiving end of it often. Taeyong’s eyes looked like they were twinkling, a million different emotions in them.

“It’s you and me,” Taeyong whispered. “In this marriage, it is you and me. And we shouldn’t let anyone, _anyone_ tell us differently. I respect you as an individual, and I admire you. You, you…”

“I, what?” Yuta held his breath.

“You’re amazing.”

Yuta felt his heart jump in his chest. Taeyong complimented him often. He said little things that caught Yuta off guard and then relished in the fact that he managed to make Yuta shy, but he had never said something like this, in this way.

Taeyong had never held Yuta and looked at him like that as he said it.

Yuta knew that he wasn’t good at making the perfect move at the perfect moment, but for once, he did. He pushed himself forward, hands coming up to grab the front of Taeyong’s coat and he pressed their lips together in a soft kiss.

It was always so right, kissing Taeyong. The feeling brought him up, up, up, and left him dizzy, feeling out of breath but alive.

They parted with a gasp of breath.

“Doyoung said some maids are coming to prepare a bath for me,” Taeyong murmured, letting go of Yuta’s face. He placed his hands on Yuta’s hips. Yuta felt him begin to trace circles with his thumbs against his hip bones. “We shouldn’t do this out here.”

Yuta hummed. He let go of the front of Taeyong’s coat. He smoothed it out with his hands before he encircled them around Taeyong’s neck. “They shouldn’t see us like this?”

Taeyong tightened his grip on Yuta’s hips, his fingers digging into his skin there. “No one,” Taeyong said slowly. He leaned back in to kiss Yuta on the corner of his lips. “No one gets to see you like this,” he said, voice low.

It sent a chill down Yuta’s spine. “Okay,” he answered. “No one.”

“I’m serious, Yuta.”

Yuta smiled. “I know you’re serious.”

“Only me.”

“Always you,” Yuta said with the sweetest smile he could conjure up.

Taeyong pulled away, groaning. “Don’t tease me,” he whined. He turned around and began to walk to the bedchamber. “The maids are coming. They’ll see me…”

Yuta followed after Taeyong, watching as he began to take off his outer layers. “Let me help undress you,” Yuta said, going to take Taeyong’s coat off his shoulders.

Taeyong jumped away. “No!” he exclaimed with surprise. A shade of scarlet took over his face. He held a hand up between them. “I mean, no… Yuta, don’t say things like that!”

Yuta laughed and reached out to give Taeyong a shove. “You’re foul! I didn’t mean it like that,” he said with a laugh. He went to push Taeyong again, but Taeyong caught him by the wrist.

“You didn’t?” Taeyong asked seriously.

“I didn’t.”

Taeyong let go of him with a click of his tongue. “Disappointing,” he said teasingly. “And here I was, thinking we were about to consum―”

“Your Royal Highness.”

They both turned and found a small group of maids standing at the door of the bedchamber. The head maid of the group had a very tight smile on her face and the other young ladies behind her were a little red in the face, not meeting their eyes.

“Ah,” Yuta said. “Go ahead, ladies.”

They curtsied and went to the washroom. Yuta turned back to Taeyong, who was blushing furiously.

“You thought we were about to what?”

“Hush!”

Yuta laughed as Taeyong walked into the washroom to make sure the maids prepared his bath the way he wanted it.

The maids left and then while Taeyong bathed, Yuta picked up a book and settled in the corner chair, reading for a bit. It was a book of short stories, but none of them were interesting enough for Yuta. He read the same page for about ten minutes before he was able to move onto the next.

Taeyong came out of the washroom about half an hour later, motioning for Yuta to go ahead. “I can call them back to prepare yours,” he said.

Yuta waved him off. “It’s all right.”

Yuta entered the washroom and turned the faucet on. He didn’t have the fancy oils that the maids typically put into the bath but it didn’t matter. He filled the tub with warm water and turned it off when it almost reached the top. Yuta stripped himself down to his shirt and stepped into the tub.

The water was warm and nice against his skin. After the day he had today, the bath was welcoming and comforting. He sighed, leaning back against the back of the tub. He sat there for a few minutes, head against the edge of the tub and eyes closed, enjoying it.

Once the water began to get cold, Yuta began to wash. He did so quickly, washing his hair with the shampoo that the maids had brought for Taeyong and using the soap that Taeyong had used as well. It was very much a Taeyong scent. It was fresh and light, almost sweet, but not overwhelming.

Yuta loved it. He wondered if Taeyong would as well. What would Taeyong think of Yuta walking out of the washroom smelling like him?

The thought was intriguing.

Yuta hurried to wash off the soap and shampoo. He pulled the stopper from the drain and stepped out of the tub, grabbing the towels to wrap around himself.

He peeled off his wet shirt and dried his body before pulling on a fresh sleeping shirt and a banyan on top. He dried his hair to the best of his ability and then discarded all the dirty towels.

He walked back into the bedchamber and found it was almost pitch black. Someone had come to extinguish most of the candles for the night, only leaving the two chambersticks on the nightstands and of course, the fire in the fireplace.

Yuta saw Taeyong’s silhouette on the other side of the room, by his side of the bed.

“I’m out,” Yuta said, making Taeyong turn in ned.

Taeyong circled the bed and stood in front of Yuta. In the faint light from the chamberstick, Yuta was able to see the confused expression on his face. “Wait,” he said. He leaned in a little closer and inhaled deeply. “Yuta, what did you bath with?”

“The maids only brought the things you use,” Yuta said. He tried his best to smile sweetly at Taeyong. “It’s all you.”

“You smell like me.”

“I do,” Yuta said. He tilted his head to the side a little. “Do you not like it?”

“Not like it?” Taeyong sounded surprised. “Why wouldn’t I like it?” He came closer until their bodies were almost flush against each other. Taeyong’s voice was so low and slow when he spoke next, it made Yuta shiver. “Why wouldn’t I love the fact that my husband smells like me?”

“You love it?”

“I love it,” Taeyong replied firmly. “Now, if anyone is too close to you, they’ll know.”

“They’ll know what, Taeyong?”

_Say it Say it. Say it._

“They’ll know you’re mine.”

Yuta felt his entire body shake. He wanted to reach out and kiss Taeyong senseless, but before he could, Taeyong spoke again.

“I have never been luckier in my life, Yuta,” Taeyong said. His voice was softer and the feeling that had been building before, the tension that they had felt, was gone. Yuta was surprised, but not disappointed. He watched as Taeyong’s expression softened as well. “I thought I would never be happy, and that I would never be able to find someone to love. But by fate, I chose you. Out of the hundreds of people present that day, I chose you. And I came to love you, so quickly, I didn’t even realize it happened. But I’d never change a thing about it. I’d always choose you, Yuta. No matter the options, I’d always go to you. I am yours, only yours, in the same way you are mine. Mine to take care of, mine to keep… mine to love. And I pray to the Heavens every night to let me love you for the rest of my life.” 

Yuta’s breath caught in his throat. “I―”

“I swear I love you,” Taeyong muttered under his breath before kissing Yuta hard.

Yuta barely had time to respond. He quickly grabbed onto the front of Taeyong’s banyan, pulling him as close as he could. When they kissed this time, it was much different than the others that had come before. The person he was kissing now was bearing his heart and soul to Yuta. There was nothing but honesty there.

For all the months that Yuta had wondered about Taeyong’s thoughts, for all the months that Yuta wanted all of Taeyong… He had him now. For the first time in seven months that they had been married, Yuta had Taeyong, all of him. He had Taeyong all to himself, and it was time for Yuta to know and love everything that was Taeyong.

Yuta broke the kiss for a moment, pulling Taeyong to the bed. Yuta let him go and climbed onto the tall bed. He threw off as many as the pillows as he could reach off the bed. Behind him, Taeyong was breathing heavily, and he was growing impatient. He didn’t let Yuta get comfortable on the bed. He was crawling over him after a minute, making Yuta groan underneath.

“Get off,” Yuta said, trying to push his body off.

“Let me get something.”

Taeyong got off Yuta and went to the other side of the bed, the side where he slept. He reached over to the nightstand and pulled something out of the small drawer. Yuta heard the drawer close and then Taeyong sat back on his heels. Yuta mimicked his pose, sitting on his side of the bed, facing him.

Taeyong held up the item in his hand.

It was a small bottle of liquid lubricant.

“How long have you had that?” Yuta asked, wide-eyed and breathless.

“A while,” Taeyong replied. He eyed it for a moment and then shifted his gaze to Yuta. “It was left here by the maids one day. I didn’t think we’d ever use it…”

Yuta stared at Taeyong. “What?”

Taeyong seemed to blush under his gaze. “Are we going to use it?”

Yuta simply reached out and pulled Taeyong in by the collar of his banyan. Taeyong let go of the bottle, letting it fall in between them. They moved closer together until their knees were touching. Taeyong had one hand on Yuta’s waist and the other on his neck. Yuta felt Taeyong begin to slowly twirl the hair at Yuta’s nape around his finger. Yuta found that he loved the feeling of it.

It was Yuta that pulled away first. “I’ve never done this,” he murmured against Taeyong’s mouth.

“We’ll learn together,” Taeyong said back.

They slowed down after that. They had the entire night after all.

The sound of the rain that pelted against the windows accompanied the heavy breaths they took in between kisses. Yuta fell onto his back and he could see Taeyong admiring him as if he was from another world. Taeyong set the small bottle aside and carefully began to pull up Yuta’s banyan and shirt, exposing more and more of his skin as he went. He moved slowly, running his fingers along Yuta’s bare skin as he pulled up the piece of clothing, and it made Yuta shiver, goosebumps forming all along his skin.

Yuta was hard after a few moments, but there was no worry. Taeyong quickened his pace, and he reached for the small bottle after a moment, pouring a small amount into one hand. With the other, he pushed Yuta’s clothes up enough to reveal Yuta’s erection.

When Taeyong wrapped his fingers around Yuta, he felt the cold of the lubricant and almost jolted, surprised by the feeling. Taeyong began to stroke him and the cold quickly disappeared. Yuta threw his head back, biting down on his bottom lip to keep the sounds from escaping his mouth. Taeyong created a steady pace and then he leaned down to kiss Yuta along his jaw, starting by his ear and moving towards his chin, taking his time with each kiss he placed along the way.

Taeyong used his warm tongue to lick a long stripe down Yuta’s neck, making Yuta gasp out loud. Taeyong licked at Yuta’s exposed collarbone and then began sucking on it, eliciting another gasp from Yuta.

Yuta clutched onto the front of Taeyong’s banyan, feeling that they weren’t close enough. They couldn’t possibly be close enough. It was hard to focus on any single emotion he was feeling. Taeyong’s lips soon left Yuta’s collarbone and moved back up to his mouth. He pressed a few insistent kisses against his mouth, but Yuta had trouble meeting them as he was trying not to make any noise. Taeyong stroking him was too distracting; Yuta could barely keep his eyes open.

It was much too similar to Wenzhou, he thought. But somehow, it was different.

Right now, they both knew how they felt. They weren’t strangers tonight.

Taeyong pulled his hand away from Yuta’s erection, making Yuta groan.

“I need to get you out of that,” Taeyong murmured.

Yuta opened his eyes and saw Taeyong looking down at him, pupils blown and mouth parted, shiny with their saliva, panting.

“Now.”

Yuta sat up on the bed. Taeyong was already reaching out before Yuta could move to unbutton his banyan. It was only a few buttons and once they were all removed, Yuta pulled his banyan off, only left wearing his shirt. Yuta reached for the bottom, which was all pushed up near his hips, and pulled it all over his body.

Once he was completely undressed, he looked towards Taeyong. He was staring at Yuta, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Is something wrong?” Yuta asked, taking his rumpled shirt and using it to cover himself.

He was naked, completely naked, for the first time, in front of Taeyong. Yuta had never been like this in front of anyone before, and now that they had stopped for a moment, he was realizing how much of a bad idea this could be.

“I can put it back on,” Yuta said quickly, already fumbling to try to find the bottom of his shirt. “I’m sorry.”

Taeyong reached out and placed a hand over Yuta’s, stopping him. “No,” he said. Taeyong sounded almost breathless, in awe. “It’s fine. It’s just…”

Yuta held his breath, waiting.

“I was thinking, you’re beautiful.”

He barely had the time to take in the words and blush before Taeyong was leaning in once again to kiss him, cupping his face with one hand. Taeyong followed the kiss with several short ones, placed all around Yuta’s mouth. One on each corner of his lips, one near his cupid’s bow, and another against his bottom lip.

Taeyong pulled back and began to unbutton his banyan, pulling it off and throwing it back. It fell onto the floor below, but he didn’t make a move to look at it. Taeyong moved around, pulling up at his shirt, and then carefully pulled it off, throwing it to the side as well.

Yuta took in a sharp breath.

Taeyong had a well-defined body. It was not too defined, where Yuta could see the outline of his muscles. It was much softer than that. Taeyong was lean, but not too skinny in any way. His pale skin was like snow, and Yuta wanted to reach out and feel how soft and warm Taeyong’s body was, but he held himself back.

Taeyong reached for Yuta’s shirt, carefully pulling out of Yuta’s grasp, and tossed it to the side. He moved so he was lying beside Yuta.

Yuta laid back again and turned his head to look at Taeyong. He met Taeyong in the middle, sharing another demanding kiss. As they did so, Taeyong moved his hand back to Yuta’s erection and began to bring Yuta up again.

The pleasure of it all made Yuta whine in the back of his throat. After one particular stroke, Yuta gasped out loud, but Taeyong seemed to swallow the sound that escaped from Yuta’s lips. He took the opportunity to run his warm tongue along Yuta’s bottom lip, and then he pushed it inside Yuta’s mouth, surprising him.

It was all a new experience for Yuta. He wondered if it was new to Taeyong as well. It didn’t seem like it at all. Not with the way Taeyong moved his tongue in Yuta’s mouth, and the way he managed to keep his pace.

Taeyong pulled away from their kiss too quickly for Yuta’s taste. He slowed down his strokes, enough so that Yuta was able to focus a little bit better. Taeyong kissed Yuta’s cheek. He stayed there, and Yuta felt his warm breath hitting his face.

“I’m going to do something now,” Taeyong said against Yuta’s skin. “And if it hurts, I need you to tell me, all right?”

“What?” Yuta immediately panicked. He had never done this before. And if Taeyong was going to do something that hurt…

“I promise,” Taeyong whispered, moving his mouth to Yuta’s ear. It tickled Yuta a little, he almost squirmed away. Taeyong let out a low chuckle. “I promise it’ll feel better. Everything after will feel better.”

Yuta took a deep breath. “Okay,” he replied, voice coming out small. “Okay.”

Taeyong pressed a soft kiss against Yuta’s ear and then shifted a little beside him. He removed his hand from Yuta’s cock, lifted one of Yuta’s legs a little, and then Yuta felt him carefully move his hand further down between his thighs.

Yuta cried out in surprise when he felt the tip of Taeyong’s finger. Taeyong stopped.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Yuta said hurriedly before Taeyong could remove his hand. “Just surprised.”

All Yuta could do was let out gasps and cries thereafter, feeling overwhelmed by the feeling of having Taeyong touch him. Taeyong’s touches were delicate and soft. He didn’t want to push Yuta too far, Yuta assumed. It was enough for right now.

But after a few minutes, Yuta got used to the feeling and he wanted to feel it again. Yuta reached out to wrap his fingers around Taeyong’s bicep. Taeyong seemed to understand.

The next thing Yuta felt was Taeyong’s finger go in, which drew a sharp gasp from him. The intrusion felt awkward, but Taeyong didn’t move, allowing Yuta to get comfortable with the feeling. He kept his finger still and instead pressed kisses to Yuta’s temple, mumbling unintelligible words in between each one.

“I’m okay,” Yuta said breathlessly after a few minutes. “I’m okay.”

Taeyong said nothing, only pressing a kiss to the corner of Yuta’s lips. Yuta felt Taeyong move his finger, and he cried out again. It was not in pain but pleasure. Taeyong curled his finger inside him and Yuta let out a breathless cry, eyes screwed shut and clutching onto Taeyong’s arms, shaking from the sensation of it all.

It was not long before Taeyong was fucking him with his finger, carefully moving in and out of Yuta, and Yuta was trying to get more, moving his hips and trying to feel more.

When Taeyong pulled out his finger completely, Yuta let out a deep sigh. He opened his eyes, but couldn’t keep them open for long. They fluttered shut. Yuta felt Taeyong move beside him, his warmth disappearing.

He wondered where Taeyong went, but when he felt his soft lips against his thighs, Yuta’s eyes shot open. He pushed himself up, leaning back on his elbows, and watched as Taeyong carefully parted Yuta’s thighs, settling between them.

Taeyong had the bottle in his hands and he opened it up. He poured some more out, onto two fingers. He closed it and tossed it aside, making it landing somewhere near the edge of the bed. He wrapped one of his arms Yuta’s leg, holding him in place.

Yuta now felt two of Taeyong’s fingers, cold from the new layer of lubricant on them. As Taeyong pressed both fingers inside, Yuta moaned, falling back onto the bed and tossing his head against the mattress. Yuta got used to the feeling much quicker. It was only a few minutes of sitting still before he began trying to grind down onto Taeyong’s fingers, so desperate to chase his pleasure.

Taeyong took this as a sign to move. He turned his fingers inside, curled them, pushed them in a little deeper―Yuta was panting through it all. As Taeyong began to move his fingers in and out, Yuta reached down and began stroking his erection.

It was a little bit before Taeyong pulled away again, reaching for the bottle and pouring some more of the lubricant over his fingers. Some of it dripped onto Yuta’s thigh, making him shiver, and slid down onto the sheets below, but Taeyong didn’t seem to notice or care.

He returned his hand to the space between Yuta’s thighs and pressed three fingers against him. Yuta shuddered, momentarily forgetting the pace of his strokes. He felt his abdomen tighten; he held his breath.

Taeyong pushed all three fingers in after a moment and Yuta let out a guttural groan.

“Oh,” Yuta cried out. He stopped stroking himself, overwhelmed by the sensation.

It was the first time Yuta had ever done this. He thought it would feel so wrong, but there was nothing wrong about this. Nothing was wrong if it was with Taeyong.

Taeyong had him writhing, moaning out his name, asking, _begging_.

“I―” Yuta was cut off when Taeyong pushed his fingers in as deep as they could go. He let out a gasp. “Taeyong, I…”

Taeyong pressed a kiss to the inside of Yuta’s thigh. “Okay,” he said. “Okay.”

He slowly pulled his fingers out, and Yuta felt empty somehow. He was breathing hard, chest rising and falling. He watched as Taeyong moved back up to him, holding himself up with his arms on either side of Yuta. He met Taeyong’s kiss eagerly.

“Slow,” Taeyong said against his lips. He was also panting. “I’ll stop if you need me to.”

Yuta nodded. He didn’t trust himself to be able to say anything intelligible right now. He focused on calming himself down, trying to regain his breath.

He knew what was coming next. It was Yuta’s first time.

But Yuta knew Taeyong. He trusted Taeyong. There was nothing wrong with this, he thought. As long as it’s with Taeyong, it’s right. It all feels right.

Yuta inhaled sharply as he felt the tip of Taeyong’s cock push against his thigh. Taeyong reached down, and then a minute later, Yuta felt the tip circling his hole, teasing and testing. Taeyong had used his oiled fingers to lubricate his cock, and it was cold once again. Yuta shuddered underneath him.

Then, Taeyong slowly and carefully began to push himself inside. Taeyong returned his hand to Yuta’s side, holding himself up as he continued to push inside the rest of the way. Yuta threw his head back, mouth open, but no sound came out. He shut his eyes and hold onto Taeyong’s arms tightly, digging his fingernails into his skin.

Taeyong stayed still for a moment, dropping his head into the space between Yuta’s neck and shoulder. He was panting hard, cursing under his breath. His hot breath hit Yuta’s skin, and it tickled him. Taeyong pressed some gentle, slow open-mouthed kisses there, biting and sucking a little, making Yuta moan. Yuta wondered if Taeyong could taste the thin layer of sweat that had appeared on his skin.

Yuta wrapped one leg around Taeyong’s hips, wanting to feel him even more. Yuta managed to snake his arms around Taeyong’s neck. He held Taeyong there, letting him kiss at his neck.

“I’m…” Taeyong murmured against Yuta’s jaw. He moved to Yuta’s lips. “I’m going to move now. Tell me if… it hurts.”

Yuta nodded, loosening the hold he had on Taeyong’s hips. Taeyong slowly pulled back out, until the head of his cock was about to come out, but then he pushed back in again, and Yuta let out a loud groan, forgetting everything around him.

The feeling of Taeyong moving was new and overwhelming. Yuta clenched and unclenched, which made Taeyong hiss against his neck. It was awkward, being penetrated for the first time, but the sensation was amazing. Yuta was gasping, tightening his hold around Taeyong’s waist with his leg again.

Taeyong moved with shallow thrusts for a while, letting out his sounds of pleasure. Hearing Taeyong’s labored breathing and breathy gasps, _feeling_ his hot breath against his skin, was nothing less than beautiful to Yuta. He wanted to see Taeyong’s face. He wanted to see how beautiful Taeyong looked while fucking him for the first time.

Yuta felt Taeyong’s hand against the back of his head, pulling him up. Yuta kissed Taeyong eagerly, taking in all of Taeyong’s moans. Yuta wrapped his arms around Taeyong’s back, pushing their sweaty bodies as close as they could be. Taeyong pulled back from the kiss but kept his hand behind Yuta’s head, softly scratching at his scalp. Taeyong used his other arm to prop himself up, placing his forearm just beside Yuta’s. He looked down at Yuta.

“I’m not hurting you, am I?” Taeyong asked, his words barely intelligible.

Yuta knew that Taeyong must want more now. “No,” Yuta choked out in between his breaths. “Keep go―going.”

Taeyong stilled for a moment, trying to catch his breath. Yuta took the opportunity to trace shapes on Taeyong’s back. He felt all of Taeyong’s muscles, softly defined but still strong. He ran his fingers down Taeyong’s spine, feeling the individual vertebrae there. It made Taeyong shiver above Yuta.

“I’m going to move again.”

Yuta lifted his head a little to peck his lips. “Okay.”

Taeyong’s thrusts were harder this time, quicker, and Yuta was taken by surprise. He circled his arm around Taeyong’s back again, holding him tight. With his other hand, he held onto Taeyong’s bicep. There was no doubt that it hurt, but Taeyong didn’t seem to care.

He was too busy whispering under his breath. Yuta tried to listen, tried to make out what Taeyong was saying, but his breathing was too loud to make it out.

Taeyong pushed in harshly, eliciting a loud gasp from Yuta. He held his breath, and then he was able to hear it.

Under his breath, Taeyong was muttering Yuta’s name.

“Yuta, Yuta, Yuta.”

Over and over again like a prayer.

Yuta felt Taeyong tug at his hair and let out a cry, more out of surprise than pain.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Taeyong said against his earlobe.

When Taeyong pulled again, Yuta let out a long moan. The feeling of Taeyong fucking into him, combined with Taeyong pulling his hair, and the feeling of his hot body over him was too much for Yuta.

He did not know that he could ever feel such immense pleasure in his life. The night in Wenzhou and the night at the South Manor were nothing compared to this. This feeling was alarming, overwhelming, exciting… it was _right_.

If Yuta wasn’t addicted to Taeyong’s kisses, to his touches before, he surely was now. Yuta didn’t want anything else but to Taeyong to touch and kiss every part of his body as he fucked him. He wanted Taeyong to love him in the way only Taeyong could, careful and gentle, sweet and loving, making sure he felt as much pleasure as possible.

Taeyong’s rhythm began to falter after a while. He slowed down a little, pulling out and pushing back in with precise movements, breathing hard over Yuta. Yuta knew that he must be close.

“You can,” Yuta managed to say. “Go ahead. It’s okay.”

“No, I’m okay,” Taeyong whispered. “Not until you…”

“Taeyong…”

Taeyong kissed Yuta’s forehead.

“Okay.”

Taeyong tightened his grip on Yuta’s hair, pulling softly, as he moved within him. He let out some breathy moans, bucking his hips, filling Yuta up with each stroke.

After a few minutes, Yuta felt Taeyong release inside him. Taeyong sighed right beside Yuta’s ear, and he seemed to shudder above him. He held himself up as best as he could, but he seemed to struggle. Yuta watched as Taeyong’s face twisted into an expression of pure bliss, pants escaping his parted lips, eyes closed with his eyelashes touching the tops of his cheeks. He buried himself as far as he could into Yuta, then continued to thrust shallowly as he came.

Yuta let out a sigh of content at the sudden warmth. It felt strange to have Taeyong’s come, warm and sticky, inside him, but it didn’t feel wrong. On the contrary, Yuta didn’t think there was a moment where he and Taeyong could be closer than now.

“Yuta,” Taeyong said, coming down to kiss Yuta’s lips. “Let me help you.”

Taeyong began to move, pulling out, but Yuta tightened his hold around him with his leg. “No,” Yuta whispered. He looked into Taeyong’s eyes. They were wide, and his pupils were blown. In the fading fire’s light, Yuta saw the glisten of the sweat against his hairline and the tinge of red that was painted across his cheeks. Taeyong had never looked more beautiful to Yuta. “Stay like that.”

With a firm nod, Taeyong stayed still. He shifted so they had some space between their bodies. Yuta moved his leg so that he could properly reach down. But before he could, the hand that was in Yuta’s hair disappeared and then Yuta felt Taeyong wrapping his fingers around his cock. Yuta let out a few puffs of breath as Taeyong began to stroke him.

The feeling of being worked off after being fucked, and still having Taeyong in him, stimulated Yuta beyond belief. It wasn’t long before he was biting down into Taeyong’s shoulder, holding back his moans.

Yuta threw his head back and came with a cry of Taeyong’s name.

He saw stars behind his eyes and he felt his mind go blank, only focused on the pleasure that he was feeling. The feeling that Taeyong had given him. Even as he came, Taeyong continued to stroke him, making Yuta whimper against his neck.

He felt his come pool on his stomach. There were no doubt some on Taeyong’s hand and stomach as well. If there was, Taeyong decided not to comment on it.

Taeyong carefully pulled out and settled beside Yuta, laying on his side. Yuta felt Taeyong’s come begin to slowly spill out of him and onto the sheets, but he could hardly focus on the odd feeling of it. He was still caught up in the high he had experienced from coming himself.

“That was my first time,” Yuta breathed. His chest was rising and falling, and he was trying to focus on regaining his breath.

Taeyong said nothing. Instead, he leaned in and kissed Yuta’s temple. Yuta let his head loll to the side, looking at Taeyong. He was propping himself upon his hand, his elbow digging into the mattress.

“That was my first time,” Yuta repeated, much clearer this time.

“It was mine, too.”

Yuta frowned. “It couldn’t have been. Not with, not with…”

Taeyong raised his eyebrows in question.

“Not with the way you made me feel,” Yuta finished.

A low chuckle escaped from Taeyong’s mouth. He leaned in and mouthed at Yuta’s earlobe for a moment before saying, in a low voice: “I have spent a few days imagining this. I already knew what I wanted to do to you.”

Yuta shuddered. He moved his head away from Taeyong. He felt his face warm up when he looked at Taeyong and saw a very serious expression on his face. Yuta’s voice was small when he spoke. “Have you?”

Taeyong hummed. A playful, but shy smile appeared on his face. “After the last time…”

Yuta inhaled sharply.

“I’ve thought of it, too,” Yuta admitted, feeling his cheeks flush once again. He wondered if Taeyong could see it.

Taeyong let out an embarrassed laugh. He hid his face behind his hand. “You have?”

Yuta moved as carefully as possible, aware that he had his own come on his stomach, and reached for Taeyong. He placed a hand on Taeyong’s neck. He felt the sweat as he played with the hair at his nape. “I thought of it during one of your sister’s meetings once,” Yuta said.

Something was twinkling in Taeyong’s eyes, but Yuta didn’t know what it was. “To think my sister invites you to learn, and you can only think of such inappropriate situations.”

Yuta let out a laugh. “It was just once.”

Taeyong let out a dissatisfied hum. “Sure,” he said. His eyes trailed down Yuta’s body and landed on his stomach.

He sat up on the bed and reached behind him, grabbing Yuta’s shirt from where it was haphazardly lying on the edge of the bed. Taeyong moved down and began to wipe off Yuta’s come. Once Yuta’s stomach was clean, Taeyong cleaned his come from Yuta’s hole with another part of Yuta’s shirt.

Yuta propped himself up and leaned back on his elbows, watching as Taeyong thoroughly cleaned him. It was an odd feeling, but Yuta was distracted from it. He was too distracted by Taeyong, who looked so concentrated on getting Yuta cleaned up.

Taeyong used the shirt to also wipe off his hand and the small bit of come that had landed on him from Yuta’s release. When he was done, he tossed the filthy shirt off the bed.

He crawled back up to Yuta. His face hovered over Yuta’s for a moment, studying him intensely.

“What do you see?” Yuta asked, breaking the silence.

“Hm?”

“When you look at me like that, what do you see? What are you seeing?”

“The person I love,” Taeyong said. He leaned in and kissed the corner of Yuta’s lips. “That’s what I see.”

Yuta’s heart stuttered in his chest. “You…”

“You don’t have to say anything back,” Taeyong interrupted softly. “It’s okay.”

Taeyong kissed him properly this time. Once, twice, a third time.

Yuta was expecting a fourth kiss but Taeyong stopped right before pressing his lips to Yuta’s.

“Shall I fuck you again?”

Yuta answered by kissing him.

* * *

“Oh my, Heavens.”

Yuta opened his eyes slowly. He brought a hand up to shield his eyes from the sunlight streaming in through the window across the bed. He tried to move but he had one of Taeyong’s arms around him. He let out a disgruntled sound, grabbing Taeyong’s arm and pulling it off of him.

He turned around in bed and was about to go back to sleep when he noticed who was standing there.

“Dongyoung!” he yelled, opening his eyes fully. He reached for the blankets and pulled them over himself, aware that he was not wearing his sleeping shirt. “What are you doing here?”

Dongyoung blinked a few times. “Taeyong didn’t show up to meet with me before breakfast,” he said slowly. He carefully turned around and faced the wall. His voice was calm and collected. “It is now clear to me that I shouldn’t have come in here.”

“Where’s Taeil?”

Dongyoung cleared his throat. “Taeil thought you would wake up later,” he said.

Yuta groaned.

He turned back around and shook Taeyong, who only made an irritated noise. He wrapped his arm around Yuta again and pulled him closer.

Yuta let out a small yell. “Taeyong!” he exclaimed, pushing him away.

“Sweetheart, please,” Taeyong muttered, still half asleep. He tightened his hold on Yuta. He hummed, nuzzling his nose against Yuta’s neck. “Go to sleep, my darling.”

“Oh, my,” Yuta heard Dongyoung say quietly from where he was standing. 

He peered back but saw Doyoung was still facing the wall. He looked down at Taeyong.

“ _Taeyong_ ,” Yuta hissed, feeling his entire face warm up. He punched Taeyong’s bare chest lightly.

This was enough to get Taeyong to open his eyes. He blinked a few times slowly, sighing. “What?” he whined.

“Your Royal Highness,” Dongyoung’s voice cut through the air.

Taeyong immediately sat up, pulling the covers with him to keep him covered. Yuta didn’t know why, because he was sure that Dongyoung had seen his body hundreds of times. Yuta looked back towards Dongyoung and saw that he was turned around again, looking at them.

“Doyoung!” Taeyong exclaimed. “Why are you here?”

“You missed your morning meeting,” Dongyoung said. “Prince Kunhang and Lord Dejun have also asked if they can count on your presence at breakfast.”

There was a moment of hesitation and then: “No.” Taeyong sighed. “Please relay my apologies, but I’m afraid Yuta and I will not make it for breakfast.”

Dongyoung bowed his head. “Right away.”

“Now, can you please go?”

“Absolutely.”

Dongyoung left in a hurry and when they heard the door that led to the hallway close, Taeyong dropped back down into the bed, sighing. He covered his face with his arm.

Yuta peered over at him. “Something wrong?”

Taeyong turned onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow. “Yes, something is wrong,” he said seriously. “Doyoung is the worst.”

“He’s just doing his job,” Yuta said gently.

Taeyong groaned, letting himself fall back down. “Don’t do that,” he moaned, voice muffled by the pillow. “He came in here, and there’s no doubt that he saw you.” Taeyong quickly propped himself up again. “Why aren’t you wearing clothes?”

Yuta blinked, unsure of how to answer the question. “ _You’re_ the reason I’m not wearing clothes,” he said dumbly. “You used my shirt to clean everything up.”

Taeyong remained silent. He was thinking. Yuta could tell.

“That’s hardly my fault.”

“Taeyong!”

Taeyong looked at him with a smile, eyes twinkling. Yuta looked away, feeling his face flush with warmth. He didn’t look back at Taeyong, not even when he reached out and gently ran the tips of his fingers along Yuta’s jaw and then along his bottom lip. Yuta closed his eyes, breath hitching in the back of his throat.

The next thing he felt was Taeyong’s soft lips against his. It was a simple peck.

Yuta opened his eyes and found Taeyong’s face hovering above his.

“Off,” Yuta said, embarrassed. He placed his hands against Taeyong’s bare chest and pushed him to the side. “I don’t want anyone to see us doing this.”

Taeyong nodded his head. He swung his legs over the side of the bed with a content sigh. Yuta’s eyes widened.

He admired Taeyong’s back. He saw how the softly defined muscles on his back moved as he stretched, raising his arms above his head and across his chest. For the most part, Taeyong’s skin looked soft and milky, but Yuta was able to see the marks that he had left. _He_ had put those on Taeyong. The long scratches along his shoulder blades and the light bruises that were scattered on his sides were made by Yuta.

Taeyong got off the bed, reaching down to pull up his discarded banyan. He slipped it on, the marks left by Yuta disappearing.

He looked at Yuta when he realized he was staring.

“Something wrong?”

Yuta shook his head. He pulled the blankets up to his chin. “Everything is okay.”

Taeyong gave him a look but said nothing else. He walked around the bed and came up to stand on Yuta’s side. He reached over and pushed back Yuta’s long hair. He leaned down and kissed his forehead.

“Let’s go on a walk today?” he asked. “I have some things to do right now, and I’m sure that you have plans for this morning as well.”

“Okay,” Yuta answered. “I’ll be with Taeil.”

Taeyong kissed him once on the lips and smiled before turning around and leaving the room.

Yuta sighed.

He waited a few minutes before sitting up in bed. He sat on the edge of the bed, making sure that the blanket was still covering him. He had nothing. And Taeyong had thrown all their clothes on the other side of the bed.

Yuta huffed, deciding to crawl to the other side of the bed. He peered over the edge and saw his banyan and soiled shirt. He threw his legs over the edge and felt the cold hardwood on the bottoms of his feet. Carefully, he got off the bed and reached down to grab his banyan. As he did so, he felt all the muscles in his back and legs stretch, a small bit of pain shooting up his body. He stood up, banyan in hand, grimacing.

He held himself up, arms propped on the bed. He took a few deep breaths. He had not known that he would be so sore. No one had told him that. He huffed, already irritated by the way the day was going already, and then stood up again, trying his best to ignore the slight pain in his lower back.

He pulled on his banyan quickly, buttoning it and then wrapping his hands around himself. He spared a glance at the bed.

Taeyong had stripped it from its sheets and blanket and managed to find some spare ones in the antechamber. The soiled ones were on the floor on Taeyong’s side of the bed. The maids would notice the different bedding. And they would surely see the soiled ones.

Embarrassed, Yuta picked up the two shirts lying on the floor. He bent down again to collect the bedding, letting out a hiss of pain as he did so. He threw them all on the bed, hoping that the maids kept quiet. They usually kept quiet about potential gossip, but this was… news.

Prince Taeyong and Yuta had finally consummated their marriage, after nearly seven months of being together, and the evidence was on their bedding. Many members of the court had given up on ever having Prince Taeyong consummate his marriage, but now the deed was done.

Yuta hoped that Taeyong had done it because he wanted to. Yuta had wanted it.

He wasn’t sure if it would change anything. He hoped it wouldn’t.

He wondered if Taeyong would expect more moving forward and if he’d expect Yuta to give in easier. Taeyong wasn’t that kind of man and Yuta felt guilty thinking of it, but he couldn’t help it. Yuta had fulfilled one more responsibility. Now all Yuta had left to do was agree to raise a child with Taeyong. Once that was done, Yuta’s purpose will have been filled.

He hoped it wouldn’t be like that for them.

Yuta walked out into the antechamber and sat on one of the sofas, waiting. Without a doubt, Taeil was already on his way to him. Perhaps Dongyoung had told him of the scene he had walked in on. He didn’t mind if Taeil knew, but he would have preferred to tell him himself.

Taeil had become a trusted friend. Yuta spoke to him about things he couldn’t bring up around Taeyong, or Hayoon, or even to his mother in his letters to her. He trusted Taeil enough and looked for his guidance in times of need. And Taeil looked out for him as well.

It was almost ten minutes before Taeil entered the room with a great big sigh of relief.

“Yuta, you’re awake,” he said.

Yuta sent him a small smile. “I was awoken by Dongyoung.”

“I heard,” Taeil said. He motioned for Yuta to stand. “We don’t have all day. We’re going over the third month today.”

A small group of maids came into the room shortly after and Taeil directed them to the washroom, telling them how Yuta wanted his bath. Yuta followed Taeil, trailing behind him into the bedchamber.

When one of the maids moved to retrieve the soiled sheets and shirts on the bed, Taeil clicked his tongue. “I’ll get those,” he said firmly, already reaching out to take the pile into his arms. Yuta cringed a little. He didn’t know if he preferred the maid or Taeil collecting the bedding. “Please get His Royal Highness his breakfast.”

The maid nodded and left the bedchamber. Taeil turned to Yuta, his arms full of dirty bedding.

“Taeil... set that down,” Yuta said weakly. “It’s not right…”

Taeil set it back down onto the bed. “It didn’t feel right,” he said, cheeks flushed a little. He straightened up. “Well, your bath is prepared. Your breakfast will be brought up soon. Would you like to be left alone?”

“No,” Yuta answered. “I’d like to discuss everything over breakfast if that’s all right.”

“That’s perfect,” Taeil said. He motioned towards the washroom. “Everything will be ready by the time you get out.”

Yuta entered the washroom and was hit with the scent of the various oils that the maids used for his bath. It was what Yuta usually used. It was a somewhat floral scent, but not too heavy. He had been surprised by it at first, but after having spent so many months here, Yuta had gotten used to it.

He took off his banyan and stepped into the tub, sighing in content at the warm water. He sat in the tub and began to bathe earnestly. He felt uncomfortable after having sweat so much the night before. Not to mention the fact that Taeyong had come in him twice, and he had come twice himself. As nicely as Taeyong had cleaned him up, it still felt like his body was dirty.

Yuta finished bathing quickly and dried himself off. He dressed in a new, clean shirt and banyan. His body felt much more relaxed and the soreness in his legs and lower back had subsided a little. He walked back into the bedchamber and saw the maids doing the bed, spreading the new bedding over the large mattress.

He walked into the antechamber and saw Taeil already sitting at one of the sofas. A large, rolling cart with several dishes was beside the sofa. A young maid was clearing the center table for the food. Taeil was looking through several papers quietly.

He looked up once Yuta was close enough. He held up the papers. “Do you have something to do after this?”

“I’m going on a walk with Taeyong,” Yuta answered with a smile.

“Well, we must hurry then. I fear this might take a while.”

* * *

Little had changed since their walk in the gardens a few days earlier. Everything was still dead. But it was not as cold. After a few days of rain, the sun had decided to make an appearance. It shined down on them, kissing their skin after months of not being around.

They didn’t walk hand in hand or side by side. Yuta trailed behind Taeyong by a few steps. Taeyong followed Ruby, who was determined on finding the source of whatever she had smelled at the start of their walk.

“Ruby,” Taeyong called when she began to walk off the path, her attention pulled away by something else. “Come back here. Walk here.”

Ruby let out a few barks but returned to the path, putting her nose to the ground.

“She listens to you,” Yuta said.

Taeyong turned around. He scrunched his nose up. “Only when she wants to,” he said. He slowed down and let Yuta walk up to his side. They fell into step with each other. “She listens to Mom the most, and then my sister. I’m third on the list of people she listens to.”

“Fourth,” Yuta said, trying his best to hold back his smile. Taeyong looked at him, surprised. “She _always_ listens to me.”

“Ruby!” Taeyong exclaimed, looking down at the small dog. She didn’t turn back at him. “I’m supposed to be your favorite! I’m your owner!”

Yuta laughed, reaching out to grab Taeyong’s arm. “That’s not fair,” he said, still laughing. “ _I’m_ the one that bought her. I should be her favorite.”

Taeyong looked at him incredulously. “But you gifted her to me!”

Yuta pursed his lips. “Well, that’s correct,” he said. Taeyong laughed. Yuta tightened his hold on Taeyong’s arm. “Be quiet. We’re married, so what’s yours is mine.”

“Now you want to go by that logic?” Taeyong asked, eyes narrowing. “You said that didn’t apply to us.”

“It does now because it’s Ruby, and she is both of ours,” Yuta said firmly. 

“She’s like our baby,” Taeyong said after a moment.

Yuta hesitated. “Yes,” he agreed. “She’s like our baby.”

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong murmured. “That’s not a topic we’re ready for.”

“It’s not,” Yuta said.

They walked in silence for a few minutes after that. Yuta still held onto Taeyong’s arm, eventually moving down to hold his hand. 

“I learned about dogs when I was Hajoon’s age,” Taeyong said quietly, breaking the silence. His eyes were on Ruby, who was running ahead on the path. “The tutor had an entire lesson on dogs, and I learned all about them. That’s when I asked my parents for one. It was a bit before they gave in.”

“Is that so?” Yuta hummed. “I never learned much about dogs. But my schooling was rather limited compared to yours, Your Royal Highness.”

“Ha, ha,” Taeyong deadpanned. “I was the only student in my class, and I never took breaks to play outside during my lessons, as you did. And I had to study with tutors until I was twenty-one years old. I could never take a break from it. There was too much to learn.”

“And have you learned it all?”

“What?”

“Everything there was to learn,” Yuta said. “Did you learn all of it?”

Taeyong gave him a small smile. “Of course not,” he said. He sighed. “I’m still learning every day because even if I’m never going to be king, I have to know how to be one.”

“And what is needed to be king?” Yuta asked.

Taeyong laughed, squeezing his hand. “Too many things,” he replied. “You’d be bored to death.”

“Perhaps,” Yuta answered. He looked up at the bright sky and then brought his gaze back to Taeyong. “But since it’s you, I think I’ll listen intently. I always paid more attention when the teachers were pretty.”

Yuta knew he said the right thing when Taeyong’s cheeks turned a light pink. “Well, my dear, shall we find a place to sit?”

They ventured off the path, down a smaller one that led deeper into the gardens. Ruby was excited, running up and down, smelling everything. She barked at them from ahead, as if telling them to hurry up. They took their time, walking side by side, hand in hand.

They walked into a small clearing in the gardens. The plants and bushes that were usually trimmed carefully gave way to form a large circular clearing. A large fountain stood in the middle. It was on, water spouting from several places. There were a few benches around the fountain.

Taeyong led them to one. The stone was cold when Yuta sat down, but he got used to the feeling. Taeyong sat beside him. He didn’t let go of Yuta’s hand.

“We start learning when we’re five,” Taeyong said with a sigh. “It starts simple, with learning how to write, read, and then the harder things like math. It’s fun. Hajoon has plenty of fun with Jungwoo because he plans his lessons to be fun for someone his age. But then, it changes. The older we get, the more intense it is. I started learning history when I was nine. And when I was twelve, I started learning about running the kingdom. It’s not too hard at the start. My teacher didn’t go into detail. It’s just an introduction.”

“To prepare you,” Yuta said.

Taeyong nodded. “To prepare, yes. After we reach sixteen, it gets harder. We have to read all the books about agreements, treaties, policies… everything like that. And it never stops. Even after my tutor left, I had to keep learning by myself.”

“I only studied until I was sixteen,” Yuta said quietly. “And then I had to work.”

“What was your favorite thing to study?”

Yuta hummed. “I didn’t really like school,” Yuta said honestly, which made Taeyong laugh. “I excelled in reading though.”

“You like to read,” Taeyong said. 

“I do.” Yuta paused. He tilted his head a little. “What was your favorite thing to study?”

“History,” Taeyong answered. “I loved hearing the history of the kingdom.”

“It’s your family,” Yuta commented. “It’s your family’s history.”

“That’s one reason, yes.” Taeyong let out a deep breath. “But it’s also just fascinating to hear about.”

Yuta let himself lean against Taeyong, putting his head against his shoulder. He knew he caught Taeyong by surprise by the way Taeyong quickly looked at him, but Taeyong relaxed, squeezed Yuta’s hand. “Tell me your favorite story from history,” Yuta said. “I read about your family’s history, but books can only give me so much.”

“My favorite?” Taeyong hummed. “Then I guess it has to be the stories of my uncle.”

“Your uncle?” Yuta asked, surprised.

Taeyong only had two uncles. Yuta wondered which one the story was about. He sat up and looked at Taeyong’s face for a moment. Given the gentle expression on his face, Yuta figured it was about his uncle that had passed, and not the other one.

“Yes, my uncle,” Taeyong said. “My mother’s older brother.”

“Your mother’s older brother?” Yuta was confused. He took out a deep breath. “But she only has two younger brothers?”

“Yes, but she also had an older brother.”

“She did?”

“She did.”

They stayed silent for a moment. Yuta took in the information.

He read a lot but had never read anything about Queen Sora having an older brother. In several books he had gone through, Queen Sora was written to only have two younger brothers, both of them almost two decades younger than her and closer to her daughter’s age. Since then, one had passed away and the youngest one remained.

“My mom was twelve when he died,” Taeyong said quietly. “She is the only one that knew him. Out of the entire family that’s alive now, she’s the only one that knew him. Not even my cousin remembers him, and he was her father. To us, he is just a story of someone that isn’t real anymore, but to my mom, he is her entire world.”

Yuta squeezed Taeyong’s hand and he looked at him. “It’s okay, Taeyong,” Yuta said gently. “You don’t have to tell me this.”

“I want to, Yuta,” Taeyong answered firmly. “Let me tell you.”

He looked at Taeyong for a moment. “Okay,” he said after a long minute. “Tell me.”

“My mother was hidden from everyone for her entire childhood, like me. She had an older brother, and he was just… amazing. He was nineteen years old than her, so when she was born, he was almost of age. When he turned twenty, there was a week-long celebration at the palace in his honor. But he didn’t come. He went out and danced with the people. He celebrated with them, drinking and eating, out there. He had always been like that, according to my mother, never staying in the same place for too long. Little Wanderer was what my grandmother called him.

So while my mother spent her early childhood in this palace, he was traveling. He came back occasionally but never stayed for too long. He wanted to see the world, Yuta. Everyone knew him wherever he went and my grandparents scolded him often, but it never stopped him. He refused to be catered to in his travels. He slept and ate like everyone else. Though he had this entire fortune and kingdom to inherit, he worked for his own money, food, and shelter wherever he went.

They had to drag him back here for his twenty-fifth birthday. My grandparents sent out soldiers looking for him and brought him back. My mother says he was anxious as they began to prepare everything. He didn’t want this kind of life, Yuta. He wanted to be out there. I grew up not being able to do that, so I thought I understood him wanting to be out there, free without a care in the world. He had experienced all the life out there, and now he would be trapped in this palace with someone he didn’t love for the rest of his life. He…”

Taeyong paused. He looked at Yuta with wide eyes.

“I didn’t mean―”

Yuta laughed quietly. “I know you didn’t,” he said.

“I love you,” Taeyong said seriously.

Yuta’s breath caught in his throat, but he quickly composed himself. He’d never get used to that. “I know you do,” Yuta answered. “Now, continue.”

* * *

“Mother, I cannot marry one of these women!”

Sora’s eyes moved from her brother to their mother. She was stressed out. She could see it on her face. The corners of her lips were pulled down and there were wrinkles in the space between her eyebrows.

“Jisung, you cannot live this way for the rest of your life!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up. “You have a duty, and you have been neglecting it for years. It’s time to act like an adult.”

“Sora, honey,” another voice said.

She looked over her shoulder and saw her nursemaid. She was a plump woman with a sweet voice. Her hands were soft and gentle as they rested on her shoulders, trying to pull her back. Sora refused, digging her heels into the plush rug beneath her feet. Her nursemaid would never forcefully pull her, so after a moment, Sora felt her hands disappear from her shoulders.

“You have Sora,” her brother said suddenly.

Sora turned back and looked at her brother. He was staring at their mother with a fiery expression. His hands were balled into fists at his sides.

“You have her. You don’t need me in your life,” he continued. “She’ll grow up to be a fine queen.”

“Jisung!” Their mother looked hurt. Sora’s gazed moved towards her once again. Her eyes were glistening with tears now. She was shocked. “You… you―”

“Mother, please trust me,” Jisung said, voice breaking, “I cannot be the person you want me to be. I cannot marry one of these women and live as you and Father did. It’s not what I’m meant to do.”

Sora felt her heart begin to ache. She kept her eyes on her mother. As she blinked, the tears began to leave her eyes and slip down her cheeks.

“Do you think I wanted to marry your father? Do you think I wanted this life?” she asked. “We lived unhappily for months, Jisung. We lived unhappily until you came to us.”

“Mother…”

“Tell me the truth, son.”

Sora felt her nursemaid wrap her arms around her abdomen, lifting her. Surprised, Sora began to kick her legs around and tried to push at the woman’s arms, but her hold was tight. They began to leave the room and Sora tried to listen.

She heard her brother take a deep breath and as they left the room, he spoke. The door began to close, but Sora held onto every word she heard. “There is another woman. I love her, Mother. She is my age, and she is smart, amazing, and…”

* * *

“Your uncle married someone he loved?” Yuta asked.

“Yes, but no,” Taeyong said. “He still had his ceremony, but she was there. She was chosen to be a candidate and my uncle went through the entire crowd to find her. She was standing in the back, waiting for him.”

“He fulfilled his duty and still got the life he wanted,” Taeyong said. “My cousin was born four years later.”

“Your cousin…?”

“The oldest one,” Taeyong said. “Taeyeon.”

“You said she doesn’t remember her father.”

“He died before she was born. My aunt was two months from having her and he was… gone.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Ruby had stopped running around and had settled by their feet, sound asleep. Yuta listened to the fountain behind them. He felt the warm sun kissing his face gently.

“They killed him,” Taeyong finally said. “He could never live under the palace’s roof. He was a wanderer, even after he married my aunt. She stayed here, according to my mother. She was taken care of, and that was enough for him. He could travel and always have her here to come back to. And my mother says that one day, he just didn’t come back. He had written to tell them he’d be back, and he never arrived.”

Some more silence. Yuta held his breath, waiting to see if Taeyong continued.

“My grandmother told me that he had a hard childhood. He was always sick. He had gone to the brink of death and come back many times before he could even talk properly. Towards the end of her life, she said that she could not blame him for leaving. He had terrible memories of these walls… I wouldn’t want to live here if I were him.”

“I understand that,” Yuta said. He remembered the books he read. Prince Jisung… he had read about him. He had seen him through his mother’s words. “I read about him,” he added suddenly.

Taeyong looked at him, confused.

“Your grandmother,” he said. “She had journals. I read them.” 

“You found those?”

Yuta nodded. He paused and held his breath. “Was I not supposed to?” he asked with a big exhale.

“No, it’s all right. I just―” Taeyong let out a breath. “I never thought you’d find those things. She wrote until she couldn’t even hold a pen anymore. I was four when she died, and… when she died…” Taeyong swallowed, looking at Yuta with wide eyes. “When she died, my mother had the maids put her journals in the libraries, in places kids couldn’t reach or think to look. All over the different libraries. She wanted to hide them from us. I wanted to find them, but I had never seen them myself. I didn’t know what to look for.”

“Why would she want that?”

“It’s… it’s my mother’s childhood,” Taeyong said. Yuta looked at him and saw his eyes begin to glisten. “And not all of it was good. She was already dying when I was born and I had this image of her that my mother wanted me to keep, I suppose… But I thought she was just perfect, Yuta. Oh, you would’ve loved her so much. She would’ve loved you.”

“I’m sure I would’ve loved her,” Yuta answered. He let go of Taeyong’s hand and moved to hold his face. He remembered her writings. She was a strong woman, fierce and unwavering, especially in the later writings Yuta had found. There is no doubt that Yuta would’ve loved her.

Taeyong blinked a few times, eyes glassy. “She died young,” he said. “Long before she could see the people my sister and I would grow up to be.”

“She is still with you,” Yuta said, feeling helpless as he saw the tears in Taeyong’s eyes. “Always. She’s always with you.”

“I know,” Taeyong answered softly. He pulled his face away and wiped at his eyes. “It’s no use crying about it. She’s the kind of woman that would tell you not to waste tears on things that couldn’t be helped. She’d tell me that when I cried at the stories she told us.”

Yuta watched as Taeyong sniffled and regained his composure. “What stories were those?” he asked after a moment.

“She’d tell us horror stories,” Taeyong said, still sniffling. “They were haunting. She’d tell us if we didn’t listen, they’d happen to us. I was only four years old. I could not handle that.”

“She got you to behave, though,” Yuta commented.

Taeyong smiled. “Yes, I suppose she did.”

“Do you remember any?”

“I’d rather not,” Taeyong said with a shake of his head. “If you want to know, I’d ask my sister. She loved them. They never scared her.”

“Does she tell them to Hajoon?”

Taeyong looked at Yuta. “Heavens, I hope not,” he said.

They sat for a few more minutes, taking in the outside. It was nearing noon, and Taeyong surely had some more things to do for the afternoon. Yuta had promised Taeil he’d be back for lunch and they would do some studying together in the library.

“Shall we go?” Taeyong asked. He stood and offered Yuta his hand.

Yuta took it, feeling comforted by having Taeyong so close to him. He looked at the floor and saw Ruby get up, wagging her tail. “Let’s go, Ruby.”

They walked back quickly and as they arrived at the staircase that led to the palace, they could see Dongyoung and Taeil already waiting at the top. Taeil waved at them.

“I’ll see you when I’m done,” Taeyong promised, stopping at the bottom of the staircase. He looked at the two men waiting for them and then back at Yuta. “I want to kiss you.”

Yuta’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I want to kiss you, but they’re looking,” he said. He looked back up at them, scowling.

Yuta took a deep breath, raised his hand and brought it to Taeyong’s face. He turned his head back and leaned in, pressing his lips to him quickly. He pulled back. “You just do it,” Yuta said, feeling happy and embarrassed at the same time. “Don’t just say it and not do it.”

Taeyong was smiling. “I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

They walked up the stairs together, but as they reached the top, Taeyong pulled away and walked with Dongyoung. Yuta turned towards Taeil.

“What are we studying today?” Yuta asked.

Taeil smiled. “More court rites and ceremonies.”

Taeyong and Dongyoung walked inside before them, and while they kept walking, Yuta and Taeil departed from the main hallway and into the grand library. It was empty, but someone had already set up everything for today.

Yuta sat at the table and looked over the books set out. They were old books, some of their covers still dusty, and he wondered how Taeil had gotten the person he instructed to find them all.

Taeil sat across Yuta and picked up the first book, a large one with a thick green cover. He inspected the cover. “Royal Protocol for the Spouse Choosing Ceremony,” Taeil read as he wiped it with the side of his hand, the thin layer of dust flying off. He looked up at Yuta. “This is interesting.” 

“There’s a protocol for that ceremony?” Yuta asked.

“Of course,” Taeil replied. He opened the book and began looking at it. He continued speaking as he read, eyebrows furrowed. “There’s a protocol for every single occasion possible.”

“Let’s learn it then.”

Taeil placed the book down and slid it over the table. Yuta took it in his hands and looked down at the pages, filled with very detailed notes. Taeil opened another book, skimming through the pages.

“Here,” Yuta said, finding something that caught his attention in the book. “ _All members of the court must be married by the age of twenty-five._ I thought it was just the royal family?”

Taeil looked up from his book, head tilted a little to the side. “Well, we are all related somehow,” Taeil said after a moment.

Yuta’s eyes widened. “You’re related to Taeyong then?”

“Is that hard to believe?” Taeil folded the corner of the page down and closed his book, crossing his arms over the dark red cover. He looked at Yuta, waiting.

“It’s not hard to believe,” Yuta answered. He closed his book. “It’s… you’re not married?”

Taeil raised his eyebrows, surprised. “How do you know that?”

“You are?”

There was a moment of silence. “I was,” Taeil said with a sigh. “I’m not married anymore.”

Yuta looked at Taeil, curious. Taeil was his friend, and Yuta thought he knew everything there was to know about him, but perhaps there were things that Taeil hadn’t told him yet.

“Why?” Yuta paused. He quickly straightened up in his chair, realizing how his question came off. “I mean… I’m sorry, that was rude.”

Taeil uncrossed his arms and raised a hand to wave Yuta off. “It’s fine,” he said. He smiled at Yuta. “We’re friends, right?”

“Yes,” Yuta replied. “We are friends.”

“I can tell you,” Taeil said. Yuta leaned in a little, waiting. Taeil looked at him for a second before starting. “I’m twenty-six now, which means I got married nearly two years ago. I had a great celebration like Taeyong, but much… smaller. I picked the first lady I laid my eyes on and we married in July, a few days after Taeyong’s birthday. She was smart and beautiful, destined to be a part of the palace…”

“But, what?” Yuta asked.

A melancholic expression crossed Taeil’s face. It was unusual seeing Taeil like that. His eyes looked distant as if he were in another time and place. “Seunghee,” he said quietly. “Her name was Seunghee and she was part of a family that was barely clinging onto what remained of their nobility. She didn’t care if she was a Lady or not. She was so… amazing. She was an amazing person, and she would’ve made an amazing wife and mother. But the Heavens had other plans for us.”

Taeil looked at Yuta and he could see it. Taeil was still hurting, aching from the loss of his wife somewhere deep inside. Yuta reached out and placed his hand over Taeil’s, hoping he could bring his friend half the comfort he gave him. Taeil blinked a few times and his eyes began to look glassy.

“We were going to be parents,” Taeil said, exhaling deeply. “And then…” Yuta found it hard to swallow the lump forming in his throat as that distant look reappeared in Taeil’s eyes. “They were both just taken from me.”

“Taeil…” Yuta choked out. “I’m so sorry.”

Taeil straightened up and pulled his hand out from underneath Yuta’s. He wiped his eyes, letting out a watery laugh. “I’m fine,” he said, a sad smile on his face. “I mourned them until I physically couldn’t anymore. I offered myself to be your valet before Taeyong even chose you. It would give me something to do…”

“Taeil, I’m…” Yuta was at a loss for words. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

“We’re friends,” was all Taeil said, looking at Yuta.

“We’re friends,” Yuta repeated.

“I’d like to take you to see her one day,” he said. “If that’s all right?”

“I’d love to meet her.” Yuta felt the tears prickling at his eyes, but he didn’t want to cry in front of Taeil.

“She loved reading, too,” Taeil said, opening his book again. He unfolded the corner and smoothed it out with his fingertip. “She was like you, in a way.”

Yuta said nothing. He couldn’t think of anything he could say.

Taeil smiled. “Well, let’s continue, shall we?” he asked. He looked at his book. “Let’s start with the candidate family drawing.”

Yuta quickly opened his book. It was not the same book that Taeil had but he was able to find the section about it rather quickly. Once he had it in front of him, he looked up at Taeil.

* * *

Taeyong was sitting at the desk, looking over some papers. Yuta had settled in an armchair in the corner with a book in his hand, reading a book written by a scholar that compared the Eastern Islands and the Southern Kingdom. 

_The Eastern Islands’ view of marriage differs from the Southern Kingdom in many ways. Whereas the Southern Kingdom’s family is dedicated to the citizens, the Eastern Islands follow a more power-driven perspective. The last time the Southern Kingdom married to gain power was one hundred and seven years ago._

He stopped reading for a moment, dropping the book into his lap. He looked at the back of Taeyong’s head.

“Taeyong?”

He received a hum in reply.

“Taeil and I studied something today,” he said.

“You told me,” Taeyong replied. He sounded distracted. Yuta frowned. “Court rites and ceremonies, correct?”

“We studied the Spouse Choosing Ceremony,” Yuta said. Taeyong faltered for a moment but then continued with what he was doing. Yuta tilted his head to the side. “Did you know Taeil was married?”

Taeyong finally set down the papers in his hands. He turned around in the chair and met Yuta’s eyes. He didn’t look upset, but he didn’t look pleased. “I was aware, yes,” he answered.

“He loved his wife,” Yuta said. He blinked a few times. “He loved his wife, and he didn’t even know her for that long.” 

Taeyong pushed the chair back and stood up, taking a few steps towards Yuta. He looked confused. “What are you saying?” he asked.

“I’m saying he loved his wife,” Yuta said. He set the book in his lap aside and stood up. Taeyong was a little over an arm’s length away from him. “Isn’t that amazing? That he could feel love for someone he didn’t even know?”

Taeyong came closer. “What are you saying?” he repeated. He was frowning now. “Are you saying it’s not possible?”

Yuta met Taeyong’s eyes. “I mean, no, right?” Yuta asked. He stepped back and picked up the book he had been reading. He showed the cover to Taeyong. “Here, they marry for power. They marry their kids off to whoever will give them more power. We marry to… to what? Repay a debt? It’s the same thing in the end, is it not? Marrying strangers…”

“Repay a debt?” Taeyong asked. He scrunched his nose up. “Where did you hear that?”

“The story,” Yuta said. “The reason why the Southern Kingdom has a Spouse Choosing Ceremony.”

“What story have you heard?” Taeyong stepped closer and his hands moved to rest on Yuta’s waist. “There is no such thing as a debt, Yuta.”

Yuta held the book in his hands tighter. “Then what’s the reason?”

“We’re… sacrificing ourselves,” Taeyong said. “To make up for the horrible mistakes made by us.”

“You sacrificed yourself then?” Yuta asked. He swallowed hard. “Then it is the same thing. Sacrificing yourself for the good of the kingdom.”

“That’s what I was told,” Taeyong said. He leaned in a little closer and Yuta tried to step back but realized that the wall right only a bit away. “But I don’t see it like that. It’s never been like that with you.”

“Taeyong…” Yuta’s breath caught in his throat.

Just as Taeyong was about the kiss him, the door opened. They heard a small yell, which made Taeyong jump back. Yuta felt his face flush. He quickly tossed the book onto the armchair and brought his hands to his cheeks.

The door opened again and Taeil popped his head in. “Is it all right if I come in?” he asked, eyes wide.

Taeyong cleared his throat. “It’s… Come in,” he said. He glanced at Yuta and then made his way back to the desk.

Taeil entered and closed the door behind him. “I know there’s some… emotions,” he said. He looked at Yuta and then at Taeyong. “But, please, keep them for when everyone else has gone to bed.”

Yuta laughed, cheeks still warm underneath his palms. Taeil smiled, but it was only for a moment. Yuta froze. “Is something wrong?”

Taeil shook his head. “I just…” He looked at Taeyong, who had begun working again.

“We can step outside,” Yuta offered, taking his hands off his face. He smoothed down the front of his coat and shirt.

“No, it’s fine,” Taeil said. He lifted his arm and in his hands were a few things. “I just had some papers for you.”

Yuta walked over and carefully took the papers. “Thank you,” he said, looking back at Taeil. “Is there something I should know?”

“Not at all,” Taeil answered. “I’ll leave you two now. Goodnight, Yuta. Goodnight, Taeyong.”

“Goodnight,” Taeyong called out from his seat.

“Goodnight, Taeil,” Yuta said, following him to the door. Taeil stepped out into the hall and Yuta held the door open, standing in the doorway. “Are you all right?”

“I’m all right,” Taeil said. It was darker in the hallway, but Yuta could still see Taeil. He made out his shining eyes. “Thank you.”

“Goodnight,” Yuta repeated. He closed the door and turned, but was surprised to see Taeyong there. He held the papers Taeil gave him close to his chest. “You!”

Taeyong laughed. “I’m sorry,” he said. He came closer and Yuta backed up so he was against the door. “He interrupted us.”

Yuta blinked, feigning confusing. “Interrupted?” he asked. “What? Were we in the middle of something?”

“You,” Taeyong said. He pulled the papers out of Yuta’s grasp and moved away, going to set them on the desk. He came back and took one of Yuta’s wrists, pulling him.

Yuta let himself be pulled and once they stepped in the bedchamber, Taeyong gave Yuta a small push to the bed. Yuta laughed as he felt the soft mattress against his back. He pulled himself up and looked at Taeyong.

Taeyong stood in front of Yuta, in between his legs, hands resting on his thighs. “I told you it was never like that,” he said. His voice was quiet and Yuta had to hold his breath to hear him. “It won’t ever be like that.”

“Like what?” Yuta asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“Sacrificing myself for the good of the kingdom,” Taeyong said. He inched closer and Yuta swallowed hard. He felt Taeyong’s breath fanning against his lips. “I’d give myself to you, wholly, over and over again, prince or not because I love you.”

“You say things like that,” Yuta started, letting out a small gasp when Taeyong squeezed his thighs, “And I wonder how I ever held myself back.”

Taeyong smiled, and Yuta’s eyes moved down, trying to make out the kind of smile he had on. “How did you hold yourself back?”

“I―”

Yuta was cut off by Taeyong’s mouth.

It was quick after that. Yuta pulled away, falling onto his back, and Taeyong climbed onto the bed, knees digging into the mattress on either side of Yuta’s thighs. It was a familiar scene, but there was no alcohol and there were too many clothes.

Taeyong came down to kiss Yuta again, hands placed on either side of Yuta’s head. “From the start,” Taeyong said against Yuta’s lips, in between kisses, “I was taken by you.”

Yuta kissed Taeyong to shut him up, hoping that he’d get the message.

“How could someone like you, come into this world and be kept hidden away?” Taeyong asked, sounding awed. “A complete treasure. This kingdom’s treasure.”

A cold chill ran down Yuta’s spine and he froze. Taeyong continued to kiss him, but Yuta didn’t meet them as excitedly as he had been doing. Taeyong stopped and hovered over Yuta.

“Yuta?”

“This kingdom’s…” Yuta whispered.

“Treasure,” Taeyong said. His expression shifted and he looked concerned now. He pushed himself off Yuta and fell beside him. Taeyong looked up at the canopy that hung above their bed. “What is it?”

Yuta looked up at it as well. “What?”

He recalled the meeting from the day before. This kingdom’s… 

_I think you’re saying that Yuta is from the West Empire._

“Yuta?”

_Na Yuta is a suspicious person._

“Yuta.”

_I’d give my life for Yuta without any hesitation._

Yuta felt Taeyong’s hands grabbing him, but at the same time, it was like he couldn’t feel him at all. He shifted his gaze and met Taeyong’s eyes, seeing the worry that was swirling in them. He could somewhat hear what Taeyong was saying to him, but it was all muffled.

After a moment, all the sensations came back full force and Yuta felt like he was gasping for air.

“Yuta, Yuta,” Taeyong was saying, holding his face in his hands.

Yuta moved quickly and pushed Taeyong back onto his back before rolling over and settling himself on top of him. He looked down at Taeyong, who looked bewildered.

Yuta leaned down and kissed Taeyong, but Taeyong resisted. He carefully pushed Yuta back. He was looking at him, worried and confused. “Yuta?”

“I can’t be that,” Yuta said, breathless. He must’ve looked wild in Taeyong’s eyes. “I can’t be the kingdom’s treasure.”

“Yuta, that was―”

“But I can be yours,” Yuta interrupted. “Let me be yours.”

Taeyong was about to speak again, but Yuta moved back down to kiss him. It took a moment but Taeyong seemed to comply, kissing Yuta back just as intensely. His hand came up to rest on his jaw and the other moved to grip the front of his coat.

Yuta pulled back, sitting up to take off his coat. He undid the buttons as quickly as he could and moved to remove his shirt, but as he was about to do so, Taeyong’s hands came down and stopped him. Yuta looked at him.

“Slow down,” Taeyong whispered. He carefully tugged Yuta’s shirt out of his breeches and then his hands traveled underneath the shirt, touching Yuta’s abdomen. Yuta shuddered at the sudden coldness of Taeyong’s hands against his skin. “We have time.”

Yuta, still feeling a million different things, took a deep breath, but moved slower. He reached down and with shaky fingers, unbuttoned the front of Taeyong’s coat. Taeyong awkwardly removed his arms from the sleeves and sat up enough for Yuta to remove it and toss it aside.

Taeyong took Yuta’s hands and guided them to the button of his breeches. Yuta carefully undid it and then began to pull Taeyong’s shirt out from underneath. He pushed it up, up, up until it was at Taeyong’s chest. Yuta removed his hands and looked down at the man beneath him.

Seeing Taeyong like this was different. It was different seeing Taeyong be the one underneath him, waiting for Yuta to make the next move. He felt something warm course through his body.

He helped Taeyong take off his shirt and Taeyong laid there, half-naked, waiting. “What’s next?” he asked, voice breathy.

It sent something through Yuta’s body. Instead of speaking, Yuta moved. He got off Taeyong. He grabbed the top of Taeyong’s breeches and then tugged down hard, revealing the rest of Taeyong’s body.

Yuta carefully moved down and got them off, tugging them over Taeyong’s ankles, pulling his stockings off with them.

“Yuta.”

His eyes moved back to Taeyong. His heart was beating fast in his chest.

“Do you want to…?”

“No,” Yuta answered immediately.

As excited as Yuta had gotten, seeing Taeyong being the vulnerable one, he was not ready to be the one that fucked Taeyong. He didn’t know how, and it was intimidating.

“Okay,” Taeyong said gently. “Come here.”

Yuta crawled back up and when Taeyong waved him down, Yuta was quick to comply and lean down, kissing Taeyong softly.

Taeyong pushed himself up, leaning back on his hands, but he made himself comfortable and soon, he was on his knees, like Yuta, holding his face in his hands. Yuta let himself back down on the mattress, and like the first time, he was the one with Taeyong over him.

When they stopped, Taeyong carefully moved to pull Yuta’s shirt up and over his head. Yuta let himself be undressed by Taeyong, watching as Taeyong pulled his stockings off, first one and then the other, slow and careful. Next were his breeches and Taeyong tugged them down with the same slowness, almost infuriating.

Once they were both undressed, Taeyong moved back up, settling beside him. He showed Yuta the palm of his hand.

“What?” Yuta asked, voice shaking and quiet.

“Lick it,” Taeyong said. 

“What?” Yuta repeated, dumbfounded.

“Do it.”

Yuta wrapped a hand around Taeyong’s wrist and pulled his hand closer. He stuck his tongue out and licked a stripe from the bottom of Taeyong’s palm to the tip of his middle finger.

“More,” Taeyong said.

Yuta did it again, and when Taeyong asked him to repeat it, he did it a third time, a fourth time. Yuta let go of Taeyong’s wrist and just as he was about to ask why he had done that, he felt Taeyong’s hand, wet with Yuta’s saliva, wrap around his cock. He nearly jolted, panicked, but when he met Taeyong’s eyes, he relaxed.

Yuta began to let out breathy gasps as Taeyong began to stroke him off. “Where,” he said in between them, “Where did you learn that?”

Taeyong kissed Yuta’s lips once. “No matter where I learned it,” he said softly. “Does it feel good?”

Yuta hummed. “Really good.”

After a while, Taeyong’s hand moved easily, using a combination of Yuta’s spit and the precome that had begun to come out from the tip of his cock as lubrication to continue stroking him. As Taeyong’s hand moved, his lips also moved. Taeyong kissed each part of Yuta’s face.

All over his temple, his cheeks, his nose, lips, and eyelids―Taeyong left no part untouched. It would’ve been sweet, but the sound of Yuta’s panting and Taeyong’s hand pumping his cock left very little sweetness.

Taeyong worked Yuta up until he felt coiling in the bottom of his stomach. He was repeating Taeyong’s name, taking deep breaths in between each repetition.

Taeyong was mouthing at Yuta’s earlobe, carefully taking the cartilage between his mouth and then letting go. “Come,” Taeyong said, his low voice right in Yuta’s ear.

Yuta came, gasping. He felt himself release all over his stomach, warm and sticky. He also felt Taeyong’s hand still moving, wrapped around his cock. He weakly grabbed at Taeyong’s arm, silently asking him to stop. It was overwhelming, overstimulating for Yuta.

Taeyong did stop. He carefully sat up. “Don’t move.”

Yuta didn’t. He stayed in place, breathing heavily, eyes closed.

He heard Taeyong leave and then come back. He didn’t open his eyes. He felt a soft linen towel wipe his stomach. Taeyong was tender and gentle as he cleaned Yuta up.

“Taeyong,” Yuta said. He tried opening his eyes but still felt unable to. They fluttered shut and he only barely saw Taeyong turn to look at him. “I want…”

“What is it?”

Yuta felt like his throat was dry. He coughed. “I want you…” he said. Taeyong began to say something but Yuta cut him off. “I want you to fuck me.”

“Yuta,” Taeyong murmured.

He finally managed to open his eyes and he found Taeyong looking at him surprised. 

“I don’t have to―”

“You want to,” Yuta said. His eyes moved down to Taeyong’s cock, which was hard and already beginning to curve up towards his stomach.

Taeyong was flustered. “Well―”

“Taeyong.”

A second passed and then: “Okay.”

Something shocking went through Yuta’s body. He felt like all the hair on his body was standing on end.

For so long, he had wanted to have Taeyong. He had imagined it, over and over, what might’ve happened if they had done it in the South Manor or in Wenzhou, or any other time. But Yuta had never done it. He could never imagine it, the feeling or the actions.

But now that they had laid together, Yuta knew what it was like. He knew was it was like to have Taeyong prepare him using his fingers and then slowly, carefully begin to fuck into him, making sure Yuta was getting all of the pleasure in the world.

Yuta had those words in the back of his head for so long, he didn’t know when he had started wanting to say them. _Fuck me_ , he wanted to say. He didn’t know what to expect as a result of those words then, but now he did.

Taeyong found the bottle of lubricant and was generous in coating his fingers. He circled Yuta’s hole and Yuta was surprised again, shocked by the feeling, and wondering if he’d ever get used to it. Taeyong’s finger slowly went in and Yuta shuddered at the still unfamiliar intrusion. He tried to relax, taking in deep breaths.

It was still for a moment. Yuta’s heavy breathing was the only thing that could be heard. And then, his cry as Taeyong crooked his finger inside.

“Does it hurt?” Taeyong stilled.

Yuta was seconds away from crying at the sudden pleasure he had felt. He shook his head. “No, no.”

Taeyong continued, moving his finger inside and stretching Yuta. Once it was enough and Yuta nodded towards him, Taeyong pulled out and poured more lubricant. He carefully reintroduced his first finger and then Yuta felt the pressure of the second one. He moaned as Taeyong pushed inside.

He began to move his fingers after a minute and Yuta cried out his name. Taeyong turned his fingers and then bent them, making Yuta gasp. Finally, Taeyong began to open and close his fingers, separating them and then bringing them back together.

“Taeyong,” Yuta choked out. “Go, just go.”

“But you’re not―”

“I’ll be fine.” Yuta cried. “Please, Taeyong, please, just―”

“All right,” Taeyong gave in after hearing Yuta cry a little more. “But… but if it hurts too much, I won’t do it.”

Yuta didn’t care if it hurt. 

He spread his legs a little more and Taeyong let out a deep exhale. It was a moment before Yuta felt the head of Taeyong’s cock circling his entrance and Yuta shivered, feeling himself clench.

There was a moment of hesitation. He looked up at Taeyong and saw him staring. He wanted this, but he was also confused. Yuta reached up to take his face in his hands, running his thumbs over the apples of his cheeks.

“It’s okay,” Yuta managed to say.

Taeyong nodded. He moved a little and then Yuta began to feel the stretch and he let out a groan. Taeyong almost pulled away, but Yuta held him in place, making sure that Taeyong stayed where he was.

“I’m fine.”

Yuta let out a long moan as Taeyong continued to push himself inside. It hurt and the feeling was still strange, but the amount of pleasure that Yuta was feeling took over everything else. He pulled Taeyong down to kiss him hurriedly, but Taeyong stopped him.

“Slow,” he said, his voice breathy. “Slowly.”

They kissed for a while as Yuta adjusted and relaxed his body. 

Taeyong began to thrust shallowly, never breaking apart from their kiss, grunting deep in the back of his throat. 

Yuta felt his body begin to sweat and shake underneath Taeyong. He moved his hands from Taeyong’s face to his shoulders, nails digging into Taeyong’s pale skin, leaving deep, red indents.

Taeyong’s movements become harder and stronger. Yuta pulled back from their kissing with an exclamation after a particularly hard thrust, grasping onto Taeyong even harder.

“Ah, Taeyong,” he cried when Taeyong continued without stopping.

Above him, Taeyong seemed to be in another world, lost in his pleasure. He was cursing under his breath and his eyes were focused on Yuta’s mouth, parted open and letting out soft cries.

He moved with a purpose and Yuta was getting overwhelmed. He felt Taeyong hitting him, hitting that spot, over and over again. Yuta was near tears.

“Taeyong,” he repeated breathlessly. He brought his hands back to Taeyong’s face and finally, Taeyong’s eyes met his. His pupils were blown. Yuta felt the tears begin to fall from his eyes. “Taeyong.”

Taeyong stopped. Yuta felt the odd sensation of Taeyong’s throbbing cock deep inside him, and he almost Taeyong to pull out completely.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Taeyong asked. He adjusted himself so he could bring a hand to Yuta’s face, pushing back the hair that was sticking to his forehead. “Should we stop?”

Yuta shook his head. “No, but…” He stopped. “Give me a moment.”

Taeyong kissed Yuta’s forehead and Yuta took a few deep breaths. Taeyong was looking at him with that gentle expression again and Yuta felt his heart start to ache.

“Okay,” Yuta said. “I’m okay.”

“Okay,” Taeyong mimicked. He pressed another kiss to Yuta’s forehead and then slowly began to pull out.

Yuta felt him go out until the head of his cock was the only part that remained and then, slowly and carefully, Taeyong pushed back it and Yuta sighed.

Taeyong moved slower and was more attentive, whispering praises to Yuta and complimenting him, kissing him here and there. He eventually moved and began to carefully suck on the skin right below Yuta’s ears, stopping now and then to lick and kiss at the skin, soothing the small amount of pain that Yuta was feeling.

Yuta wrapped his arms around Taeyong’s body, holding him tightly, shuddering and gasping underneath him. He had his eyes closed, focusing on the feeling of it all.

How he ever held himself back, he didn’t know.

Taeyong pulled back after a moment and kissed Yuta on the lips. He was breathing hard above Yuta.

Before he could find the words, he pulled out, leaving Yuta empty and surprised. Yuta then felt something warm land on the inside of his thighs. It caught him off guard and he loosened his hold on Taeyong, who seemed to get weak.

Panting, Yuta removed one of his hands and reached down blindly, moving his hand around until his fingers found Taeyong’s cock. He wrapped his fingers around Taeyong’s cock and stroked him through the rest of his release, hoping that it felt good. Taeyong let out a shaky breath and nearly collapsed onto Yuta, but he held himself up, forearms on either side of Yuta’s face. 

Yuta let go of Taeyong’s cock, feeling the wet stickiness on his hand. He carefully wiped it on the sheets below, getting off as much as he could, before bringing it up to push back the hair on Taeyong’s forehead.

“Let me help you,” Taeyong panted, moving to get off of Yuta and lay beside him.

Taeyong got Yuta off, making him groan. Yuta arched his back as he came a few minutes later, his come coming out and landing on his stomach and the bedding. He felt the tightness in his stomach relax and when he opened his eyes, he immediately looked to Taeyong.

Taeyong was smiling softly underneath the light of the candles.

Yuta remembered the words the day before.

“Taeyong, I lied to you,” Yuta confessed in between his breaths.

The smile on Taeyong’s face fell and was replaced with a look of confusion. He opened his mouth to speak, but Yuta stopped him.

“I’ve lied to you from the start.”

Taeyong pushed himself up and looked down at Yuta. “What are you talking about?”

“Taeyong, your uncle…”

“I just fucked you and you’re going to talk about my uncle?” he asked with wide eyes.

Yuta held up his clean hand. “No, Taeyong, wait. Listen to me.” He pushed himself up even though his arms felt weak. He looked at Taeyong in the eyes. “He was right about me.”

Across him, Taeyong looked surprised. His eyebrows raised and his lips parted for a moment. And then, Yuta watched as Taeyong’s shoulders sagged a little and his face fell, looking hurt and lost. His eyes had a hundred questions. His mouth was pulled down into a sad frown.

The look on Taeyong’s face was a look Yuta would never be able to forget.

* * *

_Mother,_

_I am very pleased to hear that Nee-chan is due soon. We will start planning a trip. Over the holidays, I have received a very generous gift. I am the owner of a beautiful house in the Yuksan Mountains and it is large enough to house all of us. To shorten the trip and the stress of traveling, I suggest that we meet there over the summer. It should be lovely this year._

_I have been studying diligently and learned many new things about the Southern Kingdom that I was not able to learn in school. I have been listening to the court meetings and have picked up a lot of information that I am not allowed to disclose. Most of it is rather exciting, but I do fear that something terrible will happen soon. In the case that the Queen follows through with this, I want you to take all the money I have sent and take care of yourself, Papa, Haruna, and Nee-chan. I don’t mean to worry you, Mother. There is no reason to worry yet. So please, do not stress yourself over me. I am in good hands here at the palace._

_Speaking of good hands, I am pleased to tell you that much has happened with the Prince. Taeyong, that is… I think we are happy together. Mother, you should hear the things he tells me sometimes. He is nothing but sweet and caring. He’s rather vulnerable and I am glad that he feels like he can show those sides to me freely now. I am opening myself up to him in many ways as well._

_I thought about it. The reasons why I couldn’t do it…_

_I have never seen two men in a relationship together. Where we are from, we don’t see that. In Modan-ri, men and women are in relationships, and it is expected that all the children will follow. I would’ve followed that example._

_Yes, my heart was taken by Mina. I loved her sincerely. It was not me fooling myself into loving her. My feelings for her were real. I would’ve lived happily beside her._

_But my feelings for Taeyong are also real, and I am sure that it isn’t me fooling myself into thinking I love him. I am attracted to him just as much, if not more than I was attracted to Mina. Is this possible? To be attracted to men and women?_

_It’s confusing, Mother. I feel like I am just beginning to discover myself._

_Has my heart been shaken by a man before?_

_I have asked myself, and I realized… Yes, it has been._

_I think it started with Youngho. We are best friends, and now, seeing him as anything but a brother or friend is unusual, but back when we were growing up, I think I loved him another way. It became clear to me that such a relationship would never succeed and I pushed the thought away._

_And then there was Jaehyun. He’s younger than us, but we still played together. I found him to be one of the most amazing people I know. I loved him, too. But his clear interest in ladies drove me away._

_There were others, Mother. All the boys I grew up with but have long moved away and married their beautiful wives… Perhaps more of the people I’ve been taken by are men, not women._

_Have I always been this way? And were the feelings that I had repressed and pushed away always validated?_

_I had always imagined myself having a future with a young lady beside me, but I could’ve imagined many more futures for myself if I knew that it was okay to feel like this. I would’ve accepted myself, and I would’ve accepted Taeyong much earlier._

_I forced myself to hold back everything, convincing myself that it was wrong. But was it right this whole time?_

_Mother, I ask of you to forgive me._

_Yuta_

* * *

Taeyong arrived a week later, midday. He stood by the carriages, talking to Dongyoung. He glanced over once or twice, but when he noticed Yuta looking, he turned away. Yuta was frustrated. And more than that, he was terrified.

They hadn’t resolved anything. 

Taeyong knew the truth now and he had left before they could talk more about it. 

Over the week, Yuta had been vigilant, looking at everyone carefully, wondering if they would be the person to take him away. He had memorized faces he had never seen before, taking in the details of men and women that only worked for the palace and had no idea of the truth. He had felt guilty, trying to figure out which one of them was the one that knew.

He listened intently, eavesdropping on conversations that were not even about him, just to ensure that none of them were coming for him. He walked slower around the working men and cleaning ladies, straining his ears just to hear what they had to say. He had learned a lot of things, but none were of him.

Taeyong leaving for a hunting trip would be the perfect opportunity, but nothing had happened.

What was he waiting for?

Yuta waited. He had waited the entire week, and still, Taeyong was making him wait.

He watched as Dongyoung left Taeyong, coming up the stairs and disappearing inside the palace. Taeyong moved slowly, taking heavy steps. He looked exhausted. Taeyong went on hunting trips to relax, but this time, he had come back looking more ragged than before.

Yuta shifted his weight from one foot to the other. 

When Taeyong finally reached the top of the stairs, he didn’t look at Yuta.

“I’m home,” he said firmly.

“Taeyong―” 

“I’m tired, Yuta,” he interrupted. Yuta bit down on his bottom lip. “We can talk tonight.”

Yuta only nodded. He followed Taeyong quietly, making sure to be a few steps behind him.

Their footsteps echoed through the large entry and it was almost deafening. It was too much for Yuta.

As they began to go up the grand staircase, Yuta fell into step beside Taeyong. “I can’t do this,” Yuta said. “I can’t do this ‘you not speaking to me’ thing.”

“Yuta,” Taeyong sighed. “Just… Until we get to the room, wait. Please.”

Yuta had never heard Taeyong sound so defeated. It hurt him. But Yuta’s hurt could never measure up to the hurt that he had inflicted on Taeyong with a few words.

Yuta had betrayed Taeyong. He had betrayed the family, the kingdom. 

As much as he wanted to talk to him, beg for forgiveness, Yuta remained silent. He kept his hands at his sides, hands balled into fists to resist the urge of reaching out and taking Taeyong’s hands into his. He couldn’t do that now.

They reached the third floor and walked down the hall to their rooms. Yuta had holed himself up in the rooms for most of the week, taking all his meals there and asking Taeil to study there instead of the library on the ground floor. No one had asked him why. Perhaps they thought that without Taeyong there, Yuta was closing himself off.

They weren’t entirely wrong.

Yuta closed the door behind him and turned around, finding Taeyong standing by one of the sofas.

“You lied,” he said finally. He took a measured breath. “Or… your family lied.”

“Taeyong,” Yuta said desperately. He didn’t want to start this conversation like this.

“What? It’s the truth, is it not?”

They stood in their places for a minute. Yuta was the first to move, taking a few steps towards Taeyong.

“I told you that I―”

“You were a baby,” Taeyong said, making Yuta stop. “You said you were a baby. Is that true?”

“Of course that’s true!”

Yuta had told Taeyong the whole truth, from the night Iwamoto had been burned down to the day they arrived in Modan-ri. He had told it as his mother had. He hadn’t spared a detail of it, wanting Taeyong to hear where he came from, _why_ his parents had brought him here.

He wanted Taeyong to understand.

“I did a lot of thinking over the week,” Taeyong said after a long moment of silence. “About what to do.”

Yuta was shaking, wondering what he would say next. 

He wanted to drop to his knees and ask Taeyong to understand him. He didn’t know, he wanted to say. He was defenseless, being brought before he could even properly see the world around him. He didn’t want to leave.

“I know what I should do.” Taeyong looked completely serious and it chilled Yuta’s bones. “I should take you to my mother and out you, your family, and everyone that helped you. I should feel ashamed and rotten about it all. I should never want to look at you again.”

Yuta felt his heart stop. He blinked a few times, trying to will the tears that were forming away. No, it couldn’t possibly be…

“But, Yuta,” he said, pausing for a second. Yuta saw the serious expression on his face fall and it was something else underneath, a combination of sadness and confusion. “I can’t do that. Not to you.”

A wave of relief surged through Yuta’s body and as it reached the tips of his fingers, the wave of tears began to fall from his eyes. He let out a gasp. “Oh, my,” he said, slowly falling to his knees. He brought a hand to his chest, clutching at the front of his coat.

“Yuta,” Taeyong said, coming closer. He knelt in front of Yuta and pulled him up. “Yuta.”

Taeyong hugged him and Yuta let out a sob, wrapping his arms around Taeyong. He felt relief, but he also felt guilty. He felt the guilt begin to eat at him, making his heart hurt beyond belief. Taeyong wasn’t going to do anything. He should, but he wouldn’t.

Yuta knew that the threat his uncle had posed was real and dangerous, and still, Taeyong would not say anything. If this was found out, Taeyong would lose everything. His family, his livelihood, his title would all be stripped away.

“I can’t let you,” Yuta managed to say, voice muffled against Taeyong’s shoulder. “I can’t let you do this.”

“I know,” Taeyong said quietly. He pulled back, eyes looking over Yuta’s face. “But I can’t lose you.”

Yuta felt the pain in his chest increase as if someone had taken his heart and twisted it. He held back his sobs.

“I told you, Yuta. It’s you and me. As your husband, I vowed to always take care of you.” Taeyong brought him closer again. “To the end, I would defend you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. Okay, lots happened. I wrote a little over half of this in 2018 and the second half over the last few weeks, I am so sorry if it seems disjointed. Also, I never thought I would be the person to write the title of the fic into the actual fic, but I managed to do it AND make it the closing sentence to a chapter, so... I kind of hate it.
> 
> Also, as I was writing this part, I went WAY off my original outline and also I cut off the part earlier than I originally wanted to because it was getting so long... I had planned for seven parts and a separate epilogue, but with the way things are going, I might have to write more so each part isn't like an entire book? Don't know if this is a yay or nay? I also wanted to finish this by Yuta's birthday, but literally... seems impossible right now.
> 
> Thank you all for your lovely comments. I don't care if I get one or one hundred; it's all in what you write and what you all have commented... makes me happy and want to cry. They literally mean the world (teary eyed emoji) Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. If any of you want to connect the dots on what might happen next... I would like to see it.
> 
> PS: Did you know the longest Goosebumps book is around 34k words and in general, the average word count for a Goosebumps book is about 23k? This part is 33,420 words, so I basically wrote a Goosebumps book and a half for this chapter alone. Spooky.


	6. The Children of the Palace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, happy November. This one is a little... heavy? I don't know? Listen, I'm sorry. I love her and it was the last thing I wanted for her.
> 
> Warnings for this part: Explicit Sexual Content, Angst(?), Character Death, Loss, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Slight Comfort, Mild Violence
> 
> Adding these warnings is killing me.

_My dearest son, Yuta,_

_You must not ask for forgiveness for being who you are. If you have felt repressed, it is Papa and I’s doing. We never considered who you might be. What we have shown to you was because we thought it was what you were._

_Had I done a better job as a mother, you might have realized these feelings earlier. Had I been more attentive to you, I might have noticed your love for all the boys you played with to be different. I am guilty of making you feel like you had to hold yourself back and hide. I am your mother, and you should have come to me, but I let you down. You suffered in your youth and I can never forgive myself for that._

_While I cannot forgive myself, you should forgive yourself, my dear. You do not need to apologize to me for anything. Apologize to yourself. Apologize for all the things you might’ve thought of yourself, for believing that you were wrong in your feelings._

_My child, these feelings are okay to have. You are no different than I or any other. Whether you love a man or woman, you are still my son. You are my son that I love dearly. All I want is for you to find happiness, in yourself and your life. It’s an old mother’s greatest wish for her children._

_If you have found it, then I am nothing else but happy for you. I know Papa has not written much to you, but he is amazed by the person you’ve become. He speaks of you with pride in his voice. He loves you dearly and wishes you happiness in life. We both love you and are proud of who you are. There is no need to be ashamed or scared. From here on out, my son, be proud of who you are._

_Our son, Yuta, is the best in the entire kingdom. That is what we say to people that ask. I know it is rude to brag, but we cannot help ourselves. We want to show you off to the world._

_I am sure that your husband feels the same. You should, too._

_As for other matters…_

* * *

Yuta knew that people talked. In a place like the palace, there was always talk. Growing up, Yuta thought that the people in Modan-ri liked to gossip, but Modan-ri could not compare to the secretive men and ruthless women that were part of the royal court and family. 

The way they spoke was nothing like how people in Modan-ri spoke. The people in Modan-ri simply talked to entertain themselves. They enjoyed silly stories and mindless talk. The things said within the palace were calculated and brutally honest. Such things were said with the intention of hurting those they were about.

Since he had told Taeyong the truth about his family’s origins, Yuta’s senses had been finer and more attuned to everything that happened around him. He paid more attention to everyone and everything. He noticed the smallest things now. 

He heard the talk now. Most of it was small, coming down to biting comments on reckless mistresses or harsh critiques of the old men that walked in and out of the Queen’s meetings. Whether they heard it, those people never showed it. Yuta didn’t know if he would be able to maintain a straight face if such things were said about him. There were things said about him, but they were small baseless and ridiculous rumors so he hadn’t been bothered by it. But then he had heard a new topic regarding him.

And this was not a small thing that was being said. It was a very big thing. At least to Yuta.

“Yes, they’ve lain together, but where is the child?” one of the ladies had once asked.

It had made Yuta stop in his tracks and he had hidden away from them. It was a small group of three ladies, all walking towards the gardens. Their shoes clicked against the floor and their dresses swayed as they walked. Yuta had seen them before, but he didn’t remember their names.

“They’re men,” another lady had said. “We can’t expect them to ever raise a child.”

The three of them laughed about it like it was a witty joke and Yuta had watched as they went outside, drawing out their parasols. As they went down the staircase, the topic changed to something else.

The talk had only grown since then.

Almost every couple before Yuta and Taeyong had brought children into the palace within the first year of marriage or had announced a pregnancy before their first year ended, the child being born in their second year of marriage. Yuta and Taeyong had passed the seventh-month mark of marriage and had not even spoken about having children in depth. They were nowhere near close to bringing a child into the palace as part of their family and because of the nature of their relationship they would not be able to bring a child to the palace in the most natural way. There was so much to do.

And everyone had so much to say about it.

Many said that the child had to have both their blood, so naturally, one of Yuta’s family members would have to carry the child. The thought disturbed Yuta and it hurt. In his letter back to his mother, he hadn’t mentioned anything of the sort. His family in Modan-ri already had a new child to worry about. Momoka was due in a few weeks.

Others claimed that Princess Hayoon would have their child and that disturbed Yuta just as much. Such a situation… whether it was one of Yuta’s sister or Taeyong’s sister, it made Yuta shiver.

There were other questions. Would they take a child from an orphanage? If so, which one? And how would their child be a part of the family without an ounce of royal blood?

How would taking in a child from an orphanage work? It would not be reasonable. The child would have to be related by blood to Taeyong and Yuta to be considered truly legitimate and achieving that was impossible. If they took in a child, people could claim they were not a real part of the family.

They talked and talked, and Yuta felt the pressure begin to build up and fall onto his shoulders, weighing him down more and more each day that passed and he remembered that his life, in the eyes of these people, was bare. It was bare and it would continue to be bare until he magically presented them with a legitimate child.

“He must know that he hasn’t fulfilled his duty as a husband,” a lady had said, not noticing him. “The Prince must be tired of having nothing else in his marriage.”

“If he was a woman, the Prince would have done something about it by now,” a man had said in response. He had clicked his tongue in distaste. “What good is it to have a pretty boy like him in the first place?”

Yuta was nothing to them. They showed over and over. They did not like him and they were not pleased with his presence. They would not be until Yuta stepped up and filled his role.

It scared Yuta that he would have to move through it quickly to appease them. He brought this up to Taeil.

“They don’t know what they’re saying,” Taeil said with a shake of his head. “It’s just baseless talk, Yuta. They can’t make you do anything.”

“They can, though,” Yuta said. He reached for the book he had been studying over the last few nights. He turned to the page with the corner folded down. He showed it to Taeil. “Royal protocol says that the marriage can be annulled after a certain time.”

Yuta had come across it by accident. He had been reading more royal protocols about the Spouse Choosing Ceremony. It was one of the most interesting ceremonies he had studied. There were many preparations before the actual ceremony and even after, once the spouse was chosen, there were many things that needed to be prepared. Yuta had never been privy to it but now he was, and he was surprised by the amount of work that went behind each marriage in the palace.

The line about annulment had caught his attention. He would’ve passed over it if he hadn’t been reading the book intently. The section in its entirety hadn’t been interesting. There were many different reasons to annul a marriage, but most were outdated and strange. They didn’t apply to Yuta and Taeyong. Perhaps this one didn’t as well, but he wasn’t sure.

_An annulation of the marriage can be considered after two years if the woman has not successfully born any children._

It had not mentioned what to do in the case of two men being married. The entire book said nothing about a marriage between two men and Yuta wondered how much rearranging had been done to accommodate them thus far into their marriage. From the ball announcing their engagement to their honeymoon in the south, everything had slowly been adjusted for them. Yuta and Taeyong set the precedent for it all. And the realization that they would set the precedent for having children, or even annulling a marriage if it came to that, terrified Yuta a bit.

Taeil leaned in to read the page, squinting his eyes a bit. His face remained calm as he cleared his throat. “Those protocols are old,” he said finally, straightening up. “The decision is up to Queen Sora. I doubt that she would do that to you or Taeyong.”

“Should I talk to Taeyong?”

Taeil blinked owlishly at Yuta. “What? Why would you do that?”

Yuta set the book down, flustered. “I mean, why wouldn’t I? I… this is...”

“It’s nothing you need to worry about now.” Taeil put his hands on Yuta’s shoulders. “You’re only starting to enjoy being a family of two. Is that so bad?”

He wanted to say yes, it was. But he didn’t. “I suppose not.”

Taeil’s words reminded Yuta of something his mother had written months ago. He and Taeyong had come together to make their own family of two. It was him and Taeyong like Taeyong had said as well. It was only them.

And it was true that Yuta had just begun to enjoy being with Taeyong. He still had his hesitations, but each day, he became more comfortable in this new life of his. He talked more freely with Taeyong and was more open with what he wanted from him. Taeyong had accepted this change happily.

Their relationship had blossomed into something beautiful over the last eight months. It was something that Yuta never thought would happen to them. He never would have entertained the thought of it three months ago, yet here he was. Here they were.

It was like they were just married, enjoying every little thing. Yuta was seeing Taeyong in a new light, feeling lighter and brighter around him. It had taken so long to come to terms with his feelings. It had been an internal struggle and then a very cold start to their relationship, but they had come together to create something warm. They were happy now.

If they brought a child into their life, what would that do to them? They could be torn apart.

“Well, there you go,” Taeil said, making Yuta shake away his thoughts. He removed his hands from Yuta’s shoulders, reaching down to fix the front of his coat. “There’s no need to worry about that now.”

“Then how will I know when to worry about it?”

Taeil hummed. “I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t have children of my own, and I don’t know if I ever will. Asking someone with children is better than asking me, I think.”

Yuta nodded. He paused and looked at his friend, watching as Taeil began to pick everything up. He carefully collected the shoe buckles that he had laid out for Yuta to choose from today. “Taeil,” he said, making him turn around. “Do you want to get married again?”

Taeil froze and Yuta almost panicked, but then he smiled. It was a gentle smile. “Yuta,” he started, “I don’t need to be married again. I like my life as it is right now.”

“But don’t you think about it?” Yuta asked. “What it would be like to get married and have children with someone, and grow older with them?”

“I do.” Taeil closed the box of buckles. “I do think about it sometimes, but I know that I’ve already had the greatest love of my life, and that is enough for me.”

Taeil had loved his wife known his wife for four months and he had loved her for three. He had carried all this love and had offered it to her so happily and quickly. Yuta knew that Lady Seunghee had loved Taeil just as much. She must have…

The day that Taeil took Yuta to visit her, Yuta could feel it. Somewhere, she was taking care of Taeil, guarding him against anything that could harm him. Yuta felt it when Taeil laid the flowers upon her grave, whispering words of love to her.

Taeil had loved her so quickly and so fiercely. Yuta wondered how it must’ve felt to have known from the start that the person beside you was the greatest love of your life. If only Yuta had known with Taeyong…

Lady Seunghee’s death must have ruined Taeil. Yuta could never imagine losing Taeyong. He never allowed himself to think it. While Yuta was sure Taeil continued to love Lady Seunghee, he couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps, there was another chance for Taeil to have the life he must have wanted with her. To hear him say such words showed Yuta his deep devotion to Lady Seunghee, her memory, and her love.

Yuta looked at him, awed. “Taeil, that’s…”

“Please don’t say anything,” Taeil said, holding his hand up. “I would prefer not to have this conversation right now, Yuta, respectfully.”

“Of course.” Yuta grabbed Taeil’s arms. “But, Taeil, if you…”

Taeil looked at him, curious. “If I, what?”

“If you find someone, please tell me,” Yuta finished quickly. “Tell me and I will let you go.”

Taeil narrowed his eyes. “Are you trying to get rid of me by marrying me off?” Yuta almost protested but his friend broke out into a smile. “It is a very kind gesture, Yuta. I do not think I will accept the offer any time soon, but I will keep it in mind.”

“I don’t want to get rid of you,” Yuta said, only a little defensive. “But if you find someone and want to be with them, I cannot hold you back.”

I’m positive Lady Seunghee would want it to, he almost said.

“Thank you, Yuta,” Taeil said. He brushed off the front of Yuta’s coat. “Now, I think you had somewhere to be.”

Yuta nodded. He looked at his friend for a moment. “Thank you, Taeil,” he said. “I’m going now.”

Taeil waved him off, going back to cleaning everything up. Yuta left the room and walked down the hall. He went down the stairs and then moved into the west wing. He passed over the heavy doors that held bedchambers and meeting rooms, only stopping when he reached a familiar door.

He pushed it open carefully and peeked inside.

“Hello?” a small voice called out.

Yuta stepped inside and looked towards the source of the voice. “Princess,” he said.

Eunbi smiled weakly. “Oppa,” she said. She coughed a few times, covering her mouth with a handkerchief. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Yuta said. He walked towards her. He sat on the sofa across the chair she was in. “How are we feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” Eunbi replied with a sigh.

She looked haggard for only being eleven years old. Her birthday had just passed, during the start of the third month, and she had spent it in bed, drinking medicine to ease her pain. She had fallen asleep and remained so the remainder of her birthday. It was the only time she didn’t feel the pain.

They had all thought she was getting better. Her condition had improved greatly over the winter, but it had begun to worsen during the start of the third month. She couldn’t keep any food down and she had trouble breathing. It had quickly undone all the progress she had made and had taken even more from her. In a matter of days, she looked on the brink of death once again.

“Has Taeyong come to visit you today?”

Eunbi smiled. “He did,” she answered. “He came with Ruby. He left her in here since he had to go to his meeting with Doyoung-oppa, and then someone came to get her.”

Yuta let himself smile. “That’s good.” He reached out to take her frail hand in his. “And the pain?”

“Oppa,” she said, slowly pulling her hand out of his. “We don’t have to talk about that.”

“Eunbi…”

“All right, all right.” She sounded and looked like a young adult, holding her hands out in front of her, telling him to wait. Yuta almost laughed at her serious expression. She let out a laugh, weaker than usual but still bright. “Today… it’s bearable. It’s more in my chest. The doctor is coming soon to see if he can do something.”

“I’m sure you’ll recover quickly,” Yuta said.

Eunbi smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. Yuta was sure that everyone told her that. He had said it every time he visited her and she always became a little quiet, only smiling at his words. That’s all they were now―words that had begun to lose their meaning.

“That’s the hope,” she said quietly. They both sat still for a moment but then Eunbi clapped her hands together. She brightened up immensely, a realization blossoming over her features. “Oh! I heard something yesterday and I’ve been dying to tell someone!”

Yuta hummed. “And what is that?”

She was nearly vibrating with excitement. This was the Eunbi that Yuta knew. Happy and excited, always eager to speak about everything around her. The excitement was also clear in her voice, making it raise a little in pitch as she told him the news she’d heard.

“Hajoon is going to have a baby sibling!”

“Oh?” It came out flat. He hadn’t matched Eunbi’s excitement and his surprise was not up to par with what she expected. Yuta felt his heart stop for a moment. He quickly smiled, but Eunbi, always the observant child, had already noticed his hesitation. “Hayoon is with child?”

“Oppa,” Eunbi said. She frowned. “You don’t look happy about the news.”

Yuta froze, trying to find his words. “I… I am happy, Eunbi. But where did you hear this?”

“The doctor accidentally said it when he saw me yesterday,” she answered. She looked at him curiously. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, but…”

The Crown Princess was going to have her second child. Yuta was happy for her, truly, but he felt like he couldn’t escape the talk of having children no matter where he went. He had just had a conversation with Taeil, not even an hour ago.

He wondered if Hayoon was preparing an announcement. Yuta would have to act surprised and delighted when the time came, but something in his stomach was twisting and he wondered if he could do that while knowing that his and Taeyong’s life was still so… empty.

Once she announced it, talk about Yuta and Taeyong would increase.

“Oppa, is something bothering you?”

Yuta looked at Eunbi, wondering if he could discuss this with her. She was a child. She was a _sick_ child. Yuta’s issues were insignificant compared to the issues that Eunbi was facing.

“Nothing is wrong,” he said, reaching out to grab her hand. He squeezed it and tried to smile at her. “I’m just not feeling well today.”

Eunbi frowned a little. “Well, if that’s the case, I think you should rest.”

Yuta smiled at her. “Maybe I should,” he said.

Behind him, the door opened. He heard it close and then footsteps approaching. He almost jumped when he felt two hands fall onto his shoulders. He pulled his hand back and peered over his shoulder, eyes trailing up to Taeyong’s face. He was smiling.

“Hello, Eunbi,” he said. He looked at Yuta. “Yuta.”

“Taeyong, what brings you here?”

“Taeil said you would be with Eunbi. I just thought I should stop by and say hello again,” he answered. 

Taeyong removed his hands and circled the sofa, sitting down beside Yuta. He reached for Yuta’s hand and brought it over his lap, keeping it there. Yuta let him, though he was aware of Eunbi’s curious eyes and the way she was biting back her smile at the sight.

“Eunbi, has the pain subsided?” Taeyong asked, oblivious to the way she was looking at them.

“I was just saying that it was bearable. It’s much less than it was this morning during your visit,” she replied. The smile still threatened to break on her face but she composed herself, folding her hands over her lap. “Oppa was distracting me from the pain.”

Yuta looked at Taeyong. He was looking at his young cousin with a smile, but his eyes were filled with worry and sadness. Yuta knew that Taeyong loved Eunbi and that it hurt him to see her in so much pain.

“Perhaps the doctor will allow some opium for the pain,” he said slowly. “At least for today.”

Most days, Eunbi suffered through the pain with little to relieve it. Only on days where the pain was too much to bear did the doctor allow the opium, and Eunbi was left in a daze, not feeling the pain or much else in general. The doctor had warned Eunbi’s mother that too much of it would be dangerous, so unless it was necessary, Eunbi would have to go through the day without it.

“The opium makes me dizzy,” she said quietly, folding her handkerchief on her lap. Suddenly, the smile that had almost appeared was wiped away. She looked solemn once again. “And my mother doesn’t come to visit me when it’s burning in the room. She doesn’t like the smell of it, says it’s too sweet.”

“Perhaps some Laudanum…”

Yuta moved his hand from underneath Taeyong’s and placed it over his thigh, stopping him. “Taeyong,” he whispered.

Taeyong looked worried but said nothing else. 

Eunbi tried her best to smile. “I know that you care, but you don’t have to worry so much. I’m all right,” she said.

Taeyong pried Yuta’s hand away and stood up, moving closer to Eunbi. He kneeled beside the chair she was sat in. He grabbed one of her small hands and began to whisper something to her.

“When I was little,” he said slowly, “My sister used to always do this when I was sick.”

Yuta watched as Taeyong traced the lines on Eunbi’s palm, saying words only meant for her to hear. Whatever it was, Eunbi was delighted by it and she let out a sweet laugh, her small shoulders shaking.

“Do it again,” she said, showing Taeyong her other open palm.

Taeyong took her wrist and with his other hand, repeated the tracing he had done, murmuring the words once again. He did it three times, each time making Eunbi giggle.

Yuta felt his heart swell as he watched Taeyong interact with her. Taeyong watched her reactions carefully, a small smile on his face and fondness in his eyes. He listened to her intently and when she asked him to teach it to her, he patiently offered his palm and told her what to do.

“There, there,” he said gently as Eunbi ran her fingertip over his palm. He let her practice the pattern on his palm a few times. “And now, repeat after me.”

They spoke quieter again and Yuta smiled, looking away to give them a moment. He heard both of them laugh. Yuta glanced back to see Eunbi tracing the lines on Taeyong’s palm, mumbling the words under her breath, eyebrows set and mouth turned down in a small pout of concentration. Taeyong was looking at her with eyes full of love and warmth, clearly taken with the honest innocence of Eunbi.

Yuta wondered if years from now, instead of Eunbi, it would be their child that he looked at like that. He imagined it for a second. A girl… no, a boy. A boy with big eyes and a wide smile looking up at Taeyong and asking him to teach him. Taeyong looked back at the boy with a fond smile. The image was so vivid in his mind, it scared Yuta. He quickly wiped it away.

Taeyong was great with children. Whether it was Hajoon, Eunbi, or her siblings, there was no denying that Taeyong had a love for them. There was no doubt that Taeyong would be great with their child, but would that be possible?

Yuta shook the thought away. He really could not escape children. Instead of entertaining the thoughts any longer, he focused on Eunbi, standing from the sofa to go kneel on her other side and listen to her say the words Taeyong had taught her, offering his palm to her to practice.

* * *

Taeyong held onto Yuta’s hand as they walked up the stairs to their rooms. He was saying something about the meeting he had been in but Yuta was paying little attention. Instead of focusing on his words, Yuta followed the way Taeyong spoke, hearing the slight intonations he made to some words, the way he elongated some syllables, how he shortened other syllables. It was endearing. 

Yuta focused on the warmth that he felt from Taeyong’s hand, the secure hold he had on Yuta. He looked at the way Taeyong’s lips moved, slightly jutting out into a natural pout, soft and pink. Yuta tried to engrave the way Taeyong’s eyelashes touched the tops of his cheeks every time he blinked, seeming like they were fluttering, his eyes revealing everything he was feeling.

Seven months ago, as they were walking up these exact stairs, Taeyong had asked Yuta a question. It had taken him by surprise and had planted a small seed. Yuta had ignored it for months but now, the seed was beginning to grow, sprouting up and out, ready to see the world. 

Now it was Yuta’s turn to ask.

“Would you like a child, Taeyong?”

Taeyong stopped mid-sentence, turning to look at Yuta, mouth agape and eyes wide. “Wha―?”

It was the same question that Taeyong had asked Yuta. Back then, Yuta hadn’t liked Taeyong in the slightest. He hadn’t loved Taeyong. And maybe Taeyong had already loved him at the time, but it was different now. The feelings they had were known.

“Yuta, what… where is this coming from?” he asked, voice low.

Yuta tugged Taeyong’s hand and they finished going up the staircase. They headed down the Prince’s wing. Yuta waited for Taeyong to collect himself. When Yuta was sure that Taeyong had gotten over his surprise, he spoke.

“I’m sure you’ve heard the talk around the palace,” he said. He looked at Taeyong, who looked perplexed. Yuta smiled. “They want us to have a child.”

Taeyong frowned. “Let’s talk about this when we get inside.”

He wasn’t angry. Yuta knew that. Taeyong was simply processing the information. Yuta wondered just how his mind worked. He wanted to know Taeyong’s initial thoughts. Yuta would never hear them. Taeyong would only tell him his thoughts once he had taken in the information.

They reached the door to their rooms and Taeyong pushed it open, pulling Yuta in behind him. The door shut and Taeyong pulled away from Yuta, whirling around to face him.

“What are you talking about?” Taeyong wasted no time.

Yuta blinked. “I’m talking about having a child,” he said. “With you.”

Taeyong stared at him for a moment. “We don’t have to, not now.”

“I know that.”

It was almost an exact repeat of the first time they tried to have this conversation. Except that the first time, they had been newly married and hadn’t known a thing about each other. Yuta knew Taeyong now.

“We don’t have to have a child because people say they want us to.”

“I know that as well.” Yuta stepped closer to Taeyong. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “But if I want one?”

Taeyong’s expression softened immediately. A small sound of surprise escaped his lips. “You want one?”

He had thought about it. Taeil had told him to think about it thoroughly. Having children wasn’t an easy decision to make. Yuta had taken the last few weeks to consider everything. It would take time, of course, but he realized he was willing to wait as long as needed. The child might not have his blood, but Yuta knew that it would be his child regardless. Their child would be faced with the criticisms of the world, but Yuta would protect them from it all.

He had concluded that he wanted to have a child.

It was his dream. For so long, the only thing Yuta had wanted to do was build a family with the person he loved by his side. Through some form of fate, Yuta had found Taeyong, and Taeyong was everything that Yuta didn’t know he wanted, everything he didn’t know he needed. So what was there to fear now?

Yuta nodded. “I do,” he said.

“Now?” Taeyong sounded breathless.

Yuta shook his head. He reached out to smooth down the front of Taeyong’s coat. “It doesn’t have to be now,” he said as softly as he could. He smiled to himself, focused on the golden buttons that lined Taeyong’s coat. “I think there will be children coming to the family soon. Just not ours.”

Of course, Taeyong didn’t catch onto Yuta’s words. He didn’t get that Yuta had just revealed that Hayoon was going to have a child. Yuta had heard it from Eunbi the week before but Hayoon had not made any announcement to them yet.

Yuta wondered if now was the time. He would love for it to be now, but if Hayoon was about to announce her pregnancy, Yuta and Taeyong announcing their desire for a baby would take away from that, which was the last thing he wanted to do.

And of course, there was Momoka. She was going to give birth this month. Any day, she would go into labor and Yuta’s niece would be born. He did not want to take away from Momoka and Yonghoon either.

Taeyong caught Yuta’s wrist, making Yuta look up at his face. “Are you sure?” he asked. “You want one with me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Yuta asked back, tilting his head to the side a little. “Should I not want that?”

“No… I mean…” Taeyong was at a loss for words. He looked over Yuta’s face carefully. His eyes were nearly glittering. “I… you…”

Yuta couldn’t help but smile. “Perhaps not at this moment,” he said.

Taeyong quickly stopped him from moving away, tightening his grasp on Yuta’s wrist. “Why not now?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. “Tell me why not now.”

“You’re being too―”

“Too what?”

He pursed his lips. Taeyong frowned at the sight and quickly leaned in to kiss him. He held back his smile. “There’s too much to figure out, and there are too many other children to worry about now,” he said. He watched Taeyong’s unchanging expression. “I’d love for it to be now, but it’s too rash of a decision. If you could plan everything within a week or two, I’d consider it, but that is rather unrealistic.”

Yuta nearly broke when he watched a happy expression take over Taeyong’s face. “You’re being serious? It’s not a joke?”

“You!” Yuta pushed Taeyong back softly, letting out a chuckle. “You think I would make jokes about something like this? What kind of person do you think I am exactly?”

Taeyong didn’t care. He let out a bright laugh, only coming back and wrapping his arms around Yuta. He buried his face into the crook of his neck. “Thank you,” he said against his shoulder. “Thank you, Yuta.”

Yuta wasn’t sure how to respond, so he simply wrapped his arms around Taeyong, holding him. They remained so for a moment before Taeyong lifted his head slightly and pressed a long kiss to Yuta’s jaw. Yuta automatically lifted his head, allowing Taeyong more access to the skin there.

Taeyong’s kisses trailed up and then, Yuta moved his head back down so Taeyong was kissing his lips. Soft and gentle.

Yuta pulled back first. “It’s only midday,” he said.

“And that’s a problem?”

He laughed as Taeyong resumed his kissing, moving to other parts of Yuta’s face. Yuta was convinced it was Taeyong’s favorite way to show Yuta love. He peppered kisses all over, from his forehead to each corner of his lips, leaving no place undiscovered.

A few minutes later, Taeyong’s lips had returned to their starting point. He held Yuta in place, giving him short but precise kisses.

“You are the greatest,” Taeyong said when he was finished.

Yuta felt his face flush. “What do you mean?”

“You are just… the greatest thing to happen to me. Don’t ask me to explain something I don’t understand myself.”

Yuta smiled. Before he could say something witty, Taeyong was leaning in again and the words were left on Yuta’s tongue as he met him halfway.

Yuta wondered if it would ever get old. He hoped it never would. He hoped that being with Taeyong, having him and holding him, would always feel this electrifying. He hoped that years from now, he would still feel the stutter of his heart as Taeyong leaned in to kiss him or the warmth that took over his body when Taeyong’s hands held his face. He hoped this feeling would never fade.

It was still new to him, even after nearly three months of truly being with Taeyong. Yuta still discovered things he liked about Taeyong, and things that he didn’t like, but he appreciated them all. Like his mother did for his father and his father for his mother. These things made up Taeyong, and Yuta loved them all.

Yuta loved the way Taeyong spoke, how he laughed, and how pretty he looked when he was sleeping. He admired Taeyong’s determination and found the way he worked very attractive.

Yuta moved his lips down, down, down to Taeyong’s neck, pressing a few short kisses there before he began to softly suck on the pale skin. Taeyong let out a sharp, shaking breath.

Another thing Yuta loved.

Taeyong was sensitive in many ways. He held many things close to his heart and was easily hurt when those things were hurt. His almost overly empathetic and compassionate traits of his were something many in the court took for granted. Yuta hated that, but he didn’t hate the fact that Taeyong cared deeply for the people surrounding him and about topics that involved his people.

Since then, Yuta had learned that Taeyong was sensitive in another way as well.

Simple touches were all it took. Yuta was able to tear Taeyong down easily through his hands alone. He could have Taeyong shaking and writhing underneath him with nothing more than his lips. He had been shy at first, but the more time they spent together, the more Yuta explored, the braver he got. And it all proved to be worthwhile.

Taeyong let out another breath when Yuta pulled himself closer, sucking hard at a spot along his jaw. Taeyong’s hands made themselves at home on Yuta’s hips, fingers digging into him as he tried to take in Yuta’s affections.

“This isn’t appropriate,” Taeyong managed to say. “We were just―”

Yuta stopped him. “Don’t act like you didn’t start it.”

“I started it?”

“Yes, you did.”

“Then, I suppose I should finish it, right?”

Taeyong was quick to move Yuta to the sofa. He fell back onto it, nearly knocking his head on the armrest. He looked up at Taeyong, whose expression changed. Yuta noticed the spots where he had been sucking, the soft bruises standing out on his pale skin. Taeyong would have trouble covering those up later. It only spurred Yuta on more.

He reached out and pulled Taeyong down by the front of his coat.

The change in feeling was almost disorienting.

Taeyong’s hands roamed, running up and down the sides of his body. They moved to unbutton the front of Yuta’s coat and once he had gotten all the buttons, he pulled back to push it off Yuta’s shoulders. Yuta pulled his arms out of the sleeves and the coat fell back onto the sofa.

The rest came off rather quickly and soon, Yuta’s discarded shirt and coat were on the floor beside them and Taeyong’s were somewhere behind the sofa, near the feet of the desk behind it.

“You listen to the talk of the palace?” Taeyong asked, breathing hard. “What else have you heard?”

Yuta ran his hands up and down the sides of Taeyong’s bare abdomen. He felt Taeyong shiver underneath his touch. Yuta bit down on his bottom lip. He could feel the slight curves formed by his rib bones underneath his skin. “They say,” he said, keeping his voice quiet, “That we do this every night.”

“Every night?” Taeyong asked. He smiled as he leaned down and began to kiss at Yuta’s collarbones. He paused to speak, his hot breath hitting Yuta’s skin. “Well, don’t we?” 

Yuta shivered. “But that’s none of their business.”

“They certainly think it is,” Taeyong said, dotting kisses down Yuta’s chest. “If they think we do this every night… they’re not wrong, right? They’re jealous, Yuta.”

“Of?” Yuta held his breath.

Taeyong sat back up and looked at him. “Of me, of course,” he said. He came closer and kissed the corner of Yuta’s lips. Yuta felt him smile again. “They’re jealous that I am the one that gets to fuck you every night. I am the one that sees you like this… they want that.”

Yuta kissed Taeyong in response. When Taeyong pulled away, he was breathless. “If you fuck me here, they’ll be able to hear.”

Taeyong grinned. “Well then, wouldn’t that prove their rumors to be true? One less thing for them to talk about.”

Taeyong moved back down, kissing his way down Yuta’s chest to his navel. He got off the sofa and kneeled in front of him. He pushed Yuta’s legs open and moved into the small space between them, elbows on Yuta’s knees. Yuta felt his hands take the hem of his breeches and he raised his hips enough for Taeyong to tug them down to his thighs.

Yuta’s erection was freed and Taeyong moved to take it in his hands. He ran his thumb over the tip and Yuta let out a long, shaky breath. A moment later, Taeyongs’s mouth was taking in the head and Yuta let out a low moan.

He shook underneath Taeyong’s slow movements. Taeyong took his time, moving delicately. Yuta bit down on his bottom lip, shallowly thrusting up into Taeyong’s mouth.

Taeyong’s tongue was warm as it lay flat against his cock, allowing for Taeyong to take Yuta as far back into his throat as possible. Taeyong pulled off with an obscene pop, making Yuta let out a shaking breath.

“You said it’s midday,” Taeyong said, reaching up to wipe the spit and precome from his mouth, panting.

“You surely won’t leave me like this, will you?”

Taeyong hid his smile behind his hand. “As if I could.”

Yuta gasped as Taeyong took his cock back into his mouth. He reached out for Taeyong’s hair, grabbing a fistful in each hand. He tugged a little bit, eyes closing and a breathy moan escaping his lips. The sounded disappeared in the air, as if it never happened, only to be followed by a louder, clearer moan that echoed a little.

Yuta felt his face grow warm, knowing that someone could have heard him, but Taeyong didn’t pause. He continued until a tight knot formed in Yuta’s lower half and he came right in Taeyong’s mouth. With half-open eyes, breathing hard, Yuta watched Taeyong swallow it.

“Kiss me,” Yuta said.

Taeyong pushed himself up from his knees and met Yuta’s mouth. Yuta could taste the slight bitterness of his come on Taeyong’s mouth but he couldn’t be bothered by it. The taste went away the longer they kissed and when Taeyong pulled away, his lips were glistening and swollen.

“It’s midday,” Yuta said, catching his breath.

“Do you want to stop?”

“No.”

Yuta moved so he was more comfortable on the sofa. He tossed his clothing onto the ground and used a pillow to support his head against the armrest.

Taeyong adjusted himself as well. He sat on the other end of the sofa, Yuta’s feet in his lap. He looked at Yuta with blown pupils, panting.

When Yuta was ready, Taeyong moved. He was slow as he pulled Yuta’s bottoms off, taking his stockings off as well. Taeyong carefully traced patterns up Yuta’s leg, stopping at his hipbone. He met Yuta’s eyes.

“Are you sure?”

Yuta laughed. “I am positive.”

Taeyong placed one of his fingers into his mouth, sucking on it. Yuta inhaled sharply at the sight. He felt himself get more aroused as Taeyong slowly dragged it out and traced his pink lips. He moved his hand back to Yuta and soon, Yuta felt it near his hole.

He shuddered as Taeyong circled it. It took a moment for him to relax but once he did, Taeyong didn’t hesitate to move his finger inside. Yuta let out a soft moan. He gasped for breath as Taeyong began to move his finger around inside him.

“More,” Yuta said after a few minutes.

Wordlessly, Taeyong removed his finger. He brought it back to his lips. This time, he put two inside.

“Taeyong,” Yuta whined.

Taeyong tried to hide his smile but Yuta could see he was having fun with it. He brought his fingers back to Yuta. He closed his eyes as he felt Taeyong move inside. He bent his fingers and turned them, sending shocks through Yuta’s body. He shook at the pleasure of it all.

It was another few minutes before Taeyong could put three fingers inside. Yuta was crying out, trying to hold back but knowing it was hopeless. He could hardly keep his eyes open and his mouther closed.

“Fuck me,” he managed to say. “Fuck me now.”

Taeyong pulled his fingers out. Yuta sighed, opening his eyes to see Taeyong pull off his breeches and stockings. Taeyong carefully climbed onto the sofa, hovering over Yuta.

“We’ve defiled this sofa,” he said in a whisper.

Yuta laughed, wrapping his arms around Taeyong’s neck and pulling him close. “Only the first of many places besides our bed,” he said teasingly against Taeyong’s mouth.

Taeyong chuckled and Yuta felt his hot breath hit his face. “Is that so?”

“Of course.”

Taeyong quickly kissed the corner of his lips. He adjusted himself a bit more and reached down. It was a moment before Yuta felt the head of his cock, making him gasp.

He pushed himself in and Yuta closed his eyes, throwing his head back. It hurt just the slightest bit. As much as they did this, there was always a little pain, perhaps from not preparing as much as they should, but once it passed, Yuta urged Taeyong to move.

And he did.

Yuta let out long, shaking breaths as Taeyong thrust into him, slowly and carefully. He tightened his hold around Taeyong’s neck, grabbing at the hair at his nape. He felt Taeyong begin to suck at the skin of his neck.

He trembled underneath Taeyong.

When Taeyong was close, Yuta urged him on. With a long groan, Taeyong released, pushing himself as deep as he could. Yuta felt the warmth inside him and he gasped for breath.

Taeyong pulled out and Yuta felt the come begin to slip out.

“Let me help you,” Taeyong said, quick to tend to Yuta’s hard cock.

“Kiss me first,” Yuta said, stopping him.

Taeyong looked at him. “What?”

“I said kiss me.”

Yuta saw Taeyong smile. He met Taeyong halfway.

* * *

Taeyong had requested a private audience with his mother and father for the afternoon a week later. There was much speculation about what it was about. Yuta had heard the maids speaking of it as they cleaned their rooms They had not noticed him in the washroom, taking his bath.

While the maids had not participated much in the gossip at first, it seemed like they had warmed up to Yuta’s presence to speak of him when they were thought they were alone. 

Some believed that Taeyong was asking for an annulment. Yuta had heard that one a bit but their interactions in public were quick to squash those rumors. They whispered about how Taeyong still seemed rather attracted to Yuta, which embarrassed him to hear, and they confirmed amongst themselves that their messily discarded bedding proved they slept together often.

Others said that Taeyong had a former mistress he wanted to hide her away in a house in the north but needed the funds to sustain her and his secret love child. Yuta thought that one was most amusing. Taeyong was the last person in the palace to have a mistress, much less a secret love child.

Yuta wasn’t sure what was needed to dispel those rumors but he didn’t mind them much. He felt secure in his relationship with Taeyong, emotionally and physically. He also spent too much of his time in meetings or with his family to be able to have a secret love child anywhere in the kingdom.

Some people had come up with the idea that Taeyong wanted to leave the palace and moved into another one of the family’s properties in the north. Taeyong had never mentioned wanting to leave. Yuta was sure he didn’t. His family was here. Yuta had made a passing comment a few nights ago about it and that particular rumor had died down.

Requesting a private audience caught the attention of many. Taeyong had access to his parents whenever he wanted but he had gone about this in a very proper way. Yuta had joked that it wasn’t that serious, but Taeyong believed it was. This was the only way to get his parents to take him seriously. In the months Yuta had known the Queen and King, he believed that they would take him seriously either way, but Taeyong had spent two and a half decades with them. He knew them best, and Yuta trusted him.

If Taeyong brought this up to them this way, they had to truly consider his request.

While it was a formal request, the Queen required no formal setting for her son and his husband. Yuta was surprised when he heard that the Queen and King would see them in one of her drawing rooms on the fourth floor. People that requested private audiences were seen in the Queen’s Audience Room. Perhaps as her family members, the Queen had decided to see them somewhere more intimate, to take some of the formality away from the request.

Taeil led Yuta up the stairs to the fourth floor, which he had never visited. The ceilings seemed to be taller than they were on the previous floors. More red and gold decorated the walls. Large paintings of family members hung from the walls. Yuta admired them for a moment before he noticed someone waiting for him.

It was an older gentleman. He wore a deep red suit made of silk. His graying hair and wrinkles made him look older than Yuta’s father, older than the Queen and King. He bowed to Yuta.

“Your Royal Highness,” he said. His voice was calm but had a toughness to it.

“Hello,” Yuta said, bowing to the man. He straightened up and looked at Taeil, who motioned for Yuta to follow the man.

Yuta stepped away from Taeil and the man turned around. He walked down the hall and Yuta followed quickly. He took him to the private rooms that belonged to the Queen. They passed a few maids, who stopped to curtsy at Yuta. He smiled and bowed his head towards them. 

The man stopped in front of a large pair of double doors. He placed a hand on each knob and turned, pushing them both open. He stepped inside and announced Yuta’s presence. He stepped in behind the man. He moved to the side and Yuta was able to see the room before him.

Two sofas and a few chairs formed a small square in the center, but the Queen was not there. Yuta moved his gaze to the window, where another large chair was with a table. She was there, looking at him.

She was sitting in the chair, knitting needles in hand. Her hands did not move. Yuta looked at her with wide eyes.

“My dear,” she said gently, setting them aside. “Please sit. Taeyong should be here soon.”

Yuta moved closer and took a seat on one of the sofas. She stood from the chair, her large yellow dress swaying. Her petticoats were decorated with small crystals and an intricate lace sewn along the ends of her sleeves. She moved slowly and elegantly. Yuta admired her natural grace.

A young lady rushed to pick up her knitting needles and followed behind her. A second lady helped her sit in one of the chairs that formed the square in the center of the drawing-room. She fixed her dress and helped the Queen sit comfortably. The first young lady handed the Queen her knitting with a bow of her head.

She resumed her knitting without a word. She expertly moved the needles, pulling the yarn from the bundle as she needed. She was quick yet precise. Knitting was the last thing he expected to see the Queen do. She was dressed in such an elegant gown and had her hair pulled up into a tall hair-do, decorated with feathers and flowers, yet she was knitting.

“It’s very lovely,” Yuta complimented after a few minutes of silence.

She paused momentarily to look at him. “Well, it’s something,” she said, turning her attention back to her task. “It’s supposed to be a mitten, for Hajoon. He wanted a pair made by me. I’m an awful knitter… it hardly looks like one. Tell me, does your mother knit?”

“Yes, she does,” Yuta replied. He remembered his mother for a moment. She made all of their clothing growing up. She had knitted stockings for Yuta and his sisters for the winter months, remaking new ones as they grew bigger and bigger. She had never once complained about it. She enjoyed knitting as a pastime. “She loves it.”

“I’m sure she’s very skilled,” the Queen said.

They sat in silence and then the door opened again. “His Royal Highness, the Prince,” a man’s voice said. It was the same man that had brought Yuta into the room.

Yuta didn’t turn around but after a few seconds, the footsteps had come closer and someone was sitting beside him. He spared a glance and saw Taeyong, dressed in a dark blue suit with silver details. He turned back to the Queen.

“Taeyong, my dear,” the Queen said. She smiled, setting her knitting into her lap. 

“Mother,” he greeted with a smile. He reached out for Yuta’s hand and pulled it over his lap, keeping it there, between his two hands. Yuta noticed the Queen’s eyes moving to their joined hands, another teasing smile on her face. “And Father?”

“Your father is coming,” she said, looking at him. “Please give him a moment.”

Taeyong nodded.

The Queen set her knitting aside on a small table beside the chair and turned her body to look at them properly. She tilted her head to the side curiously. “Please tell me, what do you need that warrants a formal request for a private audience?”

Taeyong looked at Yuta and then back at his mother. “Something very urgent,” he said. “But we’d like to tell you both at the same time.”

She smiled. “Very well.”

Taeyong’s father came shortly after and his arrival was announced. He sat on the other sofa. He looked at them curiously. “Well, children, how strange to see you here,” he said in greeting. “Taeyong?”

Yuta looked at him. Taeyong looked deep in thought. His lips were turned down into a soft pout and his eyebrows had come together the slightest bit. His eyes were guarded.

He looked at his parents. “Yuta and I have discussed something together,” he said, voice serious. His parents looked at him with wondering eyes. “And I have requested a private audience to ask for your help. We only have twenty minutes, so we would like to discuss it as quickly as possible.”

The Queen looked at her husband. “Well,” she glanced at Yuta and then at Taeyong, “Please tell us.”

“We ask that you allow us to bring a child into our care.”

Both of them looked stunned by the information. It was silent for a long minute. The Queen brought a hand to her chest, mouth falling open. The King shot her a look and she quickly composed herself, sitting up straighter in her chair.

“Children, have you thought this through?” she asked. More than surprised, she sounded amazed. Yuta could see the slight excitement in her eyes and a smile threatening to form on her face. She hid it behind her hand. “You are not even a year married. You, you have not prepared for parenthood.”

“We are aware that we are early on in our marriage but we have decided that this is the best time for us to move forward and expand with our family.”

Yuta looked for their reactions once again. The Queen was surprised and on the sofa beside her, her husband had a hard expression on his face. He did not look excited or pleased, like the Queen. Instead, he looked rather disturbed. It was a look that Yuta knew well. When he was little, he used to ask his father to let him do many things and when his father got that look, the answer was always the same. The answer was always―

“I will not allow it,” he said firmly.

Taeyong looked towards him. “Father…”

“You are rushing into this.” His father stood and looked down at them. Yuta felt like a child being scolded by his father. “You are only twenty-five years old. You have only just begun to fully mature. I will not allow you to bring a child into this palace so long as you are a child.”

Taeyong stood as well, letting go of Yuta’s hand. “You’ve said it. I’ve begun to fully mature. I am not a child,” Taeyong said, the defiance clear in his voice. “I am not looking for your opinion as my father, but as the King, Your Royal Majesty. I ask this of you as a person of the royal court. If we were any other couple, would you deny us this help?”

Yuta watched Taeyong’s father carefully. He looked perplexed. Taeyong would not back down, it was clear. But it seemed like the King wouldn’t either. Yuta almost reached for Taeyong’s hand to pull him back. It was not a good idea.

“Yuta?” the Queen asked before he could do anything. She looked at him with a soft gaze. “Have you truly decided that you’re prepared for such a thing?”

He looked at Taeyong and then at the Queen. She looked hopeful.

Yuta had taken a few weeks to decide he wanted a child with Taeyong and over the last week, they had discussed it between themselves.

If not now, when? Taeyong had asked that. Yuta could not provide any reason why not. He would have said that Hayoon was going to have another child, but the information was not for Yuta to tell. He would have said that they were just beginning to enjoy their relationship, but Yuta felt so secure in it after talking to Taeyong, he did not doubt that their bond would only strengthen with this experience. He came up empty-handed.

No one was ever prepared to have a child. And in the case that their journey to one began now, it would be a journey that lasted months, maybe even an entire year. They would have time to prepare then if that was the real concern.

He smoothed down the front of his coat and cleared his throat. “We… We have taken into consideration several factors that concerned both of us, and we mutually decided that we are prepared for what may come.”

“Very well,” she said. She stood, and Yuta followed. She looked at him for a moment and then at Taeyong. She pursed her lips. “As your Queen, I can only promise you my support. The Prince is right. If you were any other couple, I would have given my support in an instant. I do not see why I must treat you any different.”

Yuta heard a breath of relief escape from Taeyong’s lips. He felt Taeyong grab his hand.

“And as your mother, I can only ask that you come and embrace me,” she said, a smile forming over his face.

Taeyong was the first to move, going to his mother and taking her into his arms.

Yuta looked at Taeyong’s father. He still looked unconvinced, but there was little he could do. Even if he was King, it was the Queen that held the final decision. The King’s dissent could not affect them now.

She looked happy. Her eyes twinkled with the unleashed excitement from before.

“Another grandchild,” she said, taking Taeyong’s face in her hands. “I’m having another grandchild.”

* * *

Preparations for their departure were made carefully. Men and women packed the suitcases and hauled them to the carriage, securing them in the back.

Yuta had taken his time bathing and eating his breakfast. Taeil had been in a panic, rushing around the room to ensure that everything that needed to be taken was packed away carefully. Yuta had let him run around, focusing on cleaning himself and then eating.

He ate quite a bit, alarming the young maids that had set out the spread. They had refilled his cup and presented more dishes, trying to keep up with him. He usually didn’t eat much for breakfast, but today was different.

The trip would be about ten hours long and they would only stop for a late lunch. Taeyong was sure that they would be provided dinner when they arrived but Yuta did not want to count on it. If he ate a big breakfast and lunch, he would be fine until the next morning.

When the table was cleared, Taeil appeared by Yuta’s side.

“Taeyong would like to walk through the gardens before your departure,” he said. “There is about half an hour left until everything is ready.”

“Very well,” Yuta said. He acknowledged the maids and then began to walk out of the large dining hall. 

Taeil trailed behind him, nearly stumbling over his feet.

“Taeil, please calm down,” Yuta said, turning around and smiling at his friend. “Why are you so nervous?”

“It’s such an important thing,” he said with a wide smile on his face. He nearly bounced on his feet. “More than nervous, I am excited.”

“You can’t possibly be that excited,” Yuta countered. He began to walk again and Taeil fell into step beside him. “Are you?”

“Oh, I am very excited,” Taeil said. He was practically skipping beside Yuta. “A child! Yuta, you are going away and coming home with a child! How could you not be excited?”

Taeil was sorely mistaken if he thought Yuta was not excited. Yuta had barely been able to sleep last night due to the excitement. Taeyong had also been excited and together, they had stayed up talking about it. There was so much to think of.

Would their baby be a girl or a boy? What name would they give their child? How would they feel? Would they even be able to find a child?

There were so many things that could happen. While Yuta looked forward to a happy ending, the possibility of coming home with no child remained in the back of his mind. He would be ruined if he convinced himself this was it and nothing changed in the end.

“I’m very excited, Taeil,” Yuta said with a smile. “But I have to be composed. If I get too excited, my hopes may be crushed.”

“There is no use in thinking of the negative!” Taeil threw an arm around Yuta’s shoulders. “You should always look for the good. A family of three or a family of two… you are going to be okay.”

Yuta laughed. “You’re right, as always.”

Taeil left Yuta once they reached the doors that led outside. He hurried back and up the stairs. Yuta watched him leave and when he disappeared, he turned and pushed open the doors. The nice air hit his face and he felt the sun shine down on him as he stepped out.

He stopped at the top of the staircase and looked down towards the ground. Taeyong was standing there, Dongyoung by his side. They were talking. Dongyoung caught sight of Yuta and said something to Taeyong. He looked up towards Yuta and smiled. Yuta walked down the stairs.

“Yuta,” Taeyong said, offering his hand as Yuta approached, “Did you have a lovely breakfast?”

“Wonderful,” Yuta said. He looked towards Dongyoung. “Good morning.”

“Yuta, good morning,” Dongyoung said with a bow of his head. He glanced at Taeyong. “Please enjoy your walk. The carriage has nearly been prepared for your departure.”

Dongyoung left and they watched him ascend the stairs, disappearing inside. Yuta looked at Taeyong.

“A walk in the gardens?”

Taeyong smiled shyly. “The only alone time with you I could steal today.”

They began their walk, hand in hand.

The flowers had begun to bloom beautifully now that the peak of spring had arrived. While some had already come into themselves fully, others were still small buds, waiting for the right time to show themselves to the world. Even so, it was enough to give off a sweet smell, taking over the entire area.

The crunch of the gravel beneath their shoes along with the sound of the fountains running filled the silence. The occasional chirping of the birds sitting in the trees provided a bit of song. It was a comfortable silence between them, filled with the sounds of the world around them.

Months ago, Yuta would’ve felt like he was suffocating in the silence, waiting for one of them to say the wrong thing and drive the other away. They had spent too much time like that. Today, the silence was the only thing keeping him calm.

It was soothing. Just having Taeyong’s hand in his, Taeyong beside him, as they walked through the gardens they had explored so thoroughly over the last several months was enough to ease Yuta’s heart and make him forget about the worries that were in the back of his mind.

“Your sister’s flowers are going to begin growing soon,” Taeyong said after a while.

Yuta looked towards the small patch they passed, where the gardeners had planted the flowers he had purchased the year before. It was bare now, but Yuta could see they were beginning to grow. In a couple of months, they would be in full bloom. He smiled. “They are growing beautifully already.”

“Your family will come to visit?”

“Mother said once the baby is well enough,” Yuta replied. He was anxiously waiting for the news of his sister and the birth of her baby. It would be soon. The fourth month was already nearing its end and Momoka was supposed to give birth at the start of the month. Yuta was most likely already an uncle on his family’s side and the letter had not yet arrived. “Around our wedding anniversary, if I remember correctly. I will have to write to Mother about it again to confirm.”

“Our wedding anniversary,” Taeyong repeated. They stopped walking. He hummed. “Are we celebrating?”

“We don’t have to.” Yuta bit down on his bottom lip. “Is one year such a large milestone we must celebrate?”

“It is when you’re us,” Taeyong murmured, taking the chance to lean in and kiss the corner of Yuta’s lips. “Don’t bite on your lip, Yuta. Only one person can do that, and believe it or not, it’s not you.”

Yuta laughed, pulling his hand out of Taeyong’s grasp to hit him on the shoulder. “You’re so―”

“Charming?”

“Crude!”

Taeyong laughed, throwing his head back and shoulders shaking. Yuta laughed along, enjoying the sight before him. Taeyong reached out to grab his hand again and pull him closer.

“Now, that is not what you say in private, Yuta,” Taeyong teased.

They resumed their walk.

Yuta shook his head. “You’re too much to handle,” he said.

“But you handle me so well!”

He blushed at Taeyong’s comment. Whether he meant it in a lewd way or not, it was embarrassing. It was a little odd of Taeyong to tease him this way, though Taeyong had begun to do this more often recently. This was more of how Yuta teased Taeyong. Perhaps it was rubbing off on Taeyong and it was a taste of Yuta’s own medicine.

“Be quiet,” Yuta said, face still hot. “Someone will hear you.”

“And should they not know?” Taeyong asked, with an innocent expression on his face.

Yuta scowled, which made Taeyong break out into a silly grin. “No, they don’t need to know what we do privately!”

He huffed but Taeyong was quick to stop them and wrap an arm around Yuta. He leaned in closer.

“You’re right,” he said, voice low. His warm lips moved along Yuta’s earlobe. “They don’t need to know how well you handle me, do they?”

Yuta gasped and pushed Taeyong away, who only laughed again. “You! You’re impossible, Prince Taeyong!”

Taeyong hummed. When Yuta frowned, he came in to kiss him a few times. “I’m sorry,” he said, the teasing was gone from his voice. “Did I upset you?”

“No,” Yuta answered. He pouted, knowing that Taeyong would only kiss him again. And he did. Taeyong kissed the pout on his face away, until Yuta was smiling and pushing away, biting back a laugh. “I’m not upset!”

“Good,” Taeyong answered. “It would be a difficult ride if you were upset with me.”

“Like we haven’t had one or two of those in our time together,” Yuta said with a roll of his eyes.

“Well, that’s correct, but that was then. How can I possibly spend an entire day, with you right across from me, knowing that I’ve upset you and I have to power to easily kiss it away?”

“You’ve gotten too confident,” Yuta teased.

Taeyong smiled. “All thanks to you.”

They reached the end of the path a few minutes later, ending up by where they had begun. Both Taeil and Dongyoung were there, hands behind their back, waiting.

“Doyoung,” Taeyong said as they approached. “Is everything ready?”

Dongyoung nodded once. “Whenever you are prepared to leave.”

Taeyong looked towards Yuta. He nodded. “Well, we are prepared to leave.”

The four of them entered the palace again and walked through the large hall, going to the front. Several people were waiting for them, ready to see them off for their trip. Yuta smiled at the few he recognized. Taeyong’s older cousins and his aunt with her children were waiting, smiles on their faces. People of the court were also waiting about, eyes cast upon them intently.

There were a few murmurs. They would grow into large rumors once they left but for right now, at least they had to decency to keep it under their breath.

Taeyong stopped to thank a few people, taking their hands and saying his sincere thanks to them. Yuta stood behind him, knowing that he couldn’t do or say much to these people. All he could do was smile at them.

Unfortunately, the Queen and King were unable to come to see them off so once Taeyong and Yuta said goodbye to Hayoon and her husband, they were helped into the carriage.

The carriage itself was more common. It was nothing like the grand royal carriages that had brought Yuta to the palace or the luxurious carriages that had taken them to Kang-ri or Wenzhou. It was something that a simple lord would have. Nice enough to show they had money, but not enough to make it obvious where they were from. It was made to help them blend in.

And though the outside was more downgraded, the interior remained as comfortable as any of the palace carriages Yuta had ridden in. Plush velvet cushions on the seats with matching velvet upholstery and very intricate curtains over the windows laced with gold trim and deep blue silk.

Taeyong sat on one side and Yuta on the other. Taeil had already prepared what Yuta had asked. A few books were sitting upon the seat and Yuta pushed them aside to make himself comfortable. Taeyong had his books on his seat and he picked up the one on top.

“A book of children’s stories,” he said, holding it up for Yuta to see. “Should I read to you?”

“Until I get tired of your voice,” Yuta said, biting the inside of his cheek.

Taeyong smiled. He opened the book and turned to the first page of the first story. “You’ve listened to me talk about boring things and looked at me so intently,” Taeyong said, sparing Yuta a glance over the book. “Don’t act like you don’t like me going on and on like this.”

“You know me well,” Yuta said, letting the grin spread over his face. He motioned for Taeyong to start. “Well, then, please begin.”

* * *

Their arrival was not met with fanfare or people rushing to the streets to celebrate. Yuta peeked out of the window and saw that the townspeople were continuing with their business. A few spared the carriage glances but not long enough to find interest in them.

The sounds of the town were muffled but Yuta could hear what was going on. People laughed together as they walked along the road. Women bargained with the old men that ran the stalls that lined the street, loaves of bread and vegetables in hand, frowns on their faces as the old men refused to budge on their prices. Children zipped in and out of sight, hiding behind their mother’s skirts and underneath large display tables, giggling.

Yuta was awed at the sight of the town.

It reminded him of Modan-ri, but on a larger scale.

Nearly ten months had passed since Yuta had seen his village. He had been confined to the palace for most of it, only a small fraction had been spent traveling and lodging in other residences. And while Yuta swore that he would never forget where he came from, he had forgotten the sound of a bustling market and the various aromas of freshly made bread and foods that filled the area.

Just like Yuta had begun to forget how his family was like, he had begun to forget how his home was like.

He continued watching from the window, eyes moving over as many details as he could take in, just to try and remember how being in Modan-ri felt. The sun was beginning to fall over the horizon and many people were buying the last few things available. Some shop and stall keepers were yelling out final calls for their produce and products, trying to get the attention of the women passing by, while others had already begun to pack up for the day.

The carriage moved down the cobblestone road, bumping along. The people in the road parted to allow it to pass and looked upon it for a moment before hurrying back to whatever they were doing.

Faces that Yuta didn’t know looked at him but he replaced them with the faces of people he did know. People that lived back home. Mrs. Lee always was one of the last ladies in the market, buying off the last bits of produce and meat. Sooyoung and Yerim helped the Sooyoung’s father pack up his display outside his shop, carefully taking everything back inside. Momoka helped the last few children home, making sure they arrived safely before heading to Yonghoon’s house for dinner. Mina accompanied her, stopping to buy some treats for the kids that looked at her with their precious, big eyes.

It’s what Yuta saw as he looked outside the window of the carriage.

He sat back after a few minutes, sighing. He looked at Taeyong across him. He had fallen asleep shortly before they arrived at the outskirts of the town, worn out from doing nothing the entire ride. He had gotten tired of reading out loud and Yuta spared him the suffering after the first hour. He had read silently and then drifted off.

Yuta admired him for a moment. He traced the curve of Taeyong’s cheeks and lips with his eyes. He tried to count the lashes that sat upon his cheeks. He matched his breathing to the slow, steady breaths Taeyong took, chest rising and falling with them.

He was beautiful. Yuta knew that. He had known it from the moment that Taeyong had stepped out onto the courtyard stairs last summer. He remembered it vividly. The white suit that Taeyong had worn, with intricate gold details. It had made him shine under the summer sun. Yuta had not seen that suit since. But more than the lavish suit he had worn, Taeyong had looked marvelous, skin glowing and his cheeks tinged the slightest pink. Fluttering eyelashes and a smile that he had only shown twice that afternoon… 

And Yuta had fallen in love with that beauty. In a room full of people, Yuta was sure that Taeyong would always be the most beautiful, and not just physically. He had come to learn about all the other things that made Taeyong beautiful and became taken with those as well.

But being here, in this town, a town that reminded Yuta of his small village hidden in the forest, he wondered what would’ve happened if he hadn’t.

During their time of tension, Taeyong had asked if it would’ve been better to not be married at all. It was ridiculous, looking back on it months later. If not Yuta, who else?

Yuta had a hard time imagining Taeyong with any other man other than himself. He was certain that there was nobody else for him but Taeyong. Of course, he had been certain about Mina and that hadn’t turned out the way he expected…

Nevertheless, Yuta loved where he was now.

Or he believed he did. Because what was there not to love?

He had money. He had clothes. He lived in a grand palace. He ate exquisite meals. His husband was one of the most handsome men in the entire kingdom. Yuta couldn’t not love it. He had gone from a poor man to sitting beside someone that held a small fraction of the power that dominated the entire kingdom.

But how could he forget? How could he forget Modan-ri? He had let himself get caught up in his new life, he had nearly forgotten about the place where he started from.

“Yuta.”

He snapped out of his thoughts. He sat up in his seat, fully taking in the sight before him. He watched Taeyong stretch his arms out and groan. He smiled as Taeyong opened his eyes slowly.

“We’ve arrived,” he told him.

Taeyong spared a look out the window. It was nearly dark out now, the sun having fallen well beyond the horizon. “We have,” he said. He looked at Yuta. “We should be arriving at the inn soon.”

Yuta hummed. He reached out and took Taeyong’s hand in his. Taeyong looked surprised, but Yuta said nothing.

The carriage slowed to a stop a few minutes later and Yuta heard the sound of the driver getting off. The door opened and the steps were pulled out. Taeyong stepped out first, stopping at the bottom and turning to offer Yuta his hand.

Once he was beside Taeyong, Yuta took the chance to look around. The carriage had stopped in front of a large building, two large stories that spread across a large part of the street. Several windows dotted the front of both stories. While large, it was not as intimidating as the homes Yuta had been in.

An older gentleman stood nearby. He was shorter and fatter, with graying hair. “Lord Lee,” he said, voice gruff, “We are very happy ta have ya ‘ere.”

“I’m very honored to be here,” Taeyong replied with a smile. He stepped aside and motioned to Yuta. “Mister Chang, this is Lord Na, my gentleman.”

Yuta smiled and bowed his head in greeting. Mr. Chang didn’t look impressed.

“Huh,” he said. “Pleased ta meetcha, Lord Na.”

“The pleasure is mine.”

Mr. Chang said nothing else to Yuta. He turned back to Taeyong. “Your missus is arrivin’ tomorra morning?”

“Yes, she will be arriving early tomorrow morning,” Taeyong confirmed. He smiled at the man, who stared back at him with a hard expression. “Everything has been prepared, Mister Chang?”

“Everything’s been prepared for ya, all right,” Mr. Chang said, turning on his heel and moving towards the inn’s entrance.

He pushed open the door hard. Its hinges squeaked loudly, catching the attention of an older woman sitting at a table. The inn’s entrance was bare for the most part. A small table where the woman was sat at took up the corner, a few chairs around it. A large wardrobe was pushed up against another wall. Some shelves filled with trinkets and books lined the last wall, near the staircase.

“Oh my!” the woman exclaimed, standing up. She set aside her knitting and rushed over. She gave a small curtsy in front of them. “Please ta meetcha, Lord Lee.”

“The pleasure is mine,” Taeyong said, offering his hand to her. She placed her smaller hand in his palm and Taeyong kissed the back of it. He let her go and motioned to Yuta. “My gentleman, Lord Na.”

“Lord Na, whatta wonderful surprise!” she said with a bright smile. The wrinkles at the corners of her eyes were deep but gave her an air of friendless that her husband didn’t have. “Welcome, welcome.”

Yuta smiled at her in greeting. “Pleased to meet you.”

Mr. Chang grunted, catching his wife’s attention. “Get ‘em some food, would ya, Hee? They must be starved.”

“Right away!” she exclaimed, already rushing away and disappearing behind another door in the corner.

Mr. Chang looked at them. “Hope ya like rice and eggs,” he said. He motioned to the stairs. “While she’s preparin’ the food, lemme take ya up ta ya rooms.”

Taeyong bowed his head and motioned for him to lead the way. They followed behind Mr. Chang, who took two steps at a time, breathing hard. The stairs creaked as they went up and Yuta wondered if they would give in under their combined weight.

They didn’t. They reached the top and were met with a long hall with several doors on each side. Mr. Chang continued walking, Taeyong on his heels. Yuta remained a few steps back, tiptoeing behind them both.

“This one ‘ere’s fa ya, Lord Lee,” Mr. Chang said, stopping in front of a door. He pushed it open and revealed the room inside. 

Taeyong looked inside and nodded. “Thank you, Mister Chang.”

Mr. Chang nodded. He looked at Yuta. “As fa ya gentleman… this one,” he said, turning to the door right across Taeyong’s room. He pushed it open. “Enjoy.”

Yuta nodded and stepped inside. Taeyong thanked Mr. Chang, who simply waved him off and went back downstairs. The stairs creaked under his weight.

Yuta remained in the doorway. He watched as Taeyong stepped into his room and inspected it. He came out after a minute.

“It’s nice,” he said.

Yuta smiled. “Liar,” he whispered. “I can see it on your face. You hate it.”

Taeyong frowned. “Now, don’t say that,” he muttered. “I’m very grateful to have a place to stay in at all.”

“I apologize it’s nothing like what you’re used to, Your Royal Highness.”

Taeyong crossed the hall and took Yuta by the waist, leaning in. He pressed his forehead against Yuta’s. “You want to go there right now, Lord Na?” he asked, voice low and slow.

“He could come up and see us,” Yuta said back, keeping his voice quiet as well. “Would you like him to think that Lord Lee plays around with his gentleman behind his wife’s back now?”

“I have the money to make him keep quiet,” Taeyong murmured.

“That won’t get the image out of his mind,” Yuta said. He pushed Taeyong back, hand on his chest. He straightened up and in a louder, clearer voice: “Now, Lord Lee, you must wash up for dinner. It will be ready soon.”

Taeyong smiled. “Well, Lord Na, shouldn’t you help me with that?”

Yuta laughed but let Taeyong take his hand and pull him into his room.

The room was furnished with the basic things needed. A bed, a wardrobe, and a writing desk. There was a door that led to the private washroom and Taeyong pulled him there, not giving him much time to take in the room completely.

Despite the antiquity of the inn, it had running water and Yuta kneeled beside the tub, turning the faucet on and holding his hand underneath to check the temperature. Behind him, Taeyong sat on a small stool, waiting.

Once Yuta got the water where he wanted it, he stood and turned to Taeyong, who also stood.

“Is this the part where you undress me?”

Yuta stepped closer, hitting Taeyong on the chest. “You’re making this sound indecent.”

Still, Yuta carefully began to undo the buttons on Taeyong’s coat. He pushed it off Taeyong’s shoulders and set it upon the stool. He carefully unbuttoned Taeyong’s breeches and helped him out of them. He peeled off his stockings and tossed them on the other clothing items. 

Taeyong stood, only dressed in his shirt.

“I’ll leave you be now,” Yuta said, sidestepping Taeyong. 

Before Yuta could get too far, Taeyong caught him by the wrist and pulled him back, catching him by surprise. Taeyong held him in place. His eyes looked over Yuta’s face.

Yuta felt his heart start to beat hard in his chest and he held his breath. He could feel Taeyong’s fanning his face.

“Three days,” Taeyong whispered. His eyes fell to Yuta’s lips. “Let me give you three day’s worth of kisses.”

“All right.”

Taeyong closed the space between them and kissed Yuta breathless. 

* * *

The carriage arrived shortly after Yuta woke. He moved down the stairs and saw Mrs. Chang waiting by a window, peering out.

“Missus Chang,” he said, making her jump back, a hand on her chest. “Has the carriage arrived?”

“Ya gave me a fright, Lord Na!” she exclaimed with a shrill laugh. She nodded her head as she looked back out the window. “It seems like the Lady has arrived. Mista Chang just went ta welcome ‘em!”

Yuta moved to the door and stepped outside, feeling the chill early morning air. He watched as two ladies stepped out of the carriage. Mr. Chang greeted them with his hard expression.

“Lady Lee,” Yuta called out, catching the attention of the three of them.

“Lord Na!”

Yuta walked towards them. He took the young woman’s hand in his and kissed it. “We’re very glad you’ve made the trip here safely.”

“Of course,” she said. She looked back towards Mr. Chang. “I was just telling Mister Chang how beautiful the scenery was on the way here!”

Mr. Chang grunted. Yuta smiled.

“Well, Lady Lee, breakfast is being prepared soon. Let me show you to Lord Lee.”

He offered his arm and she took it graciously. They moved and were followed by the second lady. Mr. Chang remained outside, helping get the luggage from the carriage.

“Prince Yuta, you are quite the charmer as a gentleman,” Lady Seungwan said as they stepped up to the door. Her voice was low and it didn’t even look like her lips had moved.

Yuta laughed. “Well, Lady Seungwan, I try my best,” he said. “It’s not the first time I’m acting as someone I’m not.”

They stepped into the inn and Mrs. Chang was quick to greet Lady Seungwan. Yuta stayed back and the second lady took her place beside him.

“Lord Na,” she said, not looking at him. “Very pleased to see you well.”

Yuta nodded. He didn’t turn to look at her. “Lady Kang, it’s always a pleasure to see you.”

“His Royal Highness is well?”

Yuta finally turned to her and she looked at him, head tilted to the side. “He is fairing well,” he said. He glanced at Mrs. Chang, who was still talking to Lady Seungwan excitedly. He focused on Lady Seulgi again. “We are very excited.”

“Today is the day,” she replied. “I’m sure Lady Lee is counting the hours.”

Yuta tried to hide his smile. “I’m sure she is.”

Lady Seungwan returned to them with a smile on her face. “Lady Kang,” she said, “If you could help me up to my room.”

Lady Seulgi smiled and offered her hand. “I’d be very happy to.”

Yuta led them up the stairs, walking a few steps ahead of them. He stopped in front of the door beside Taeyong’s. Mr. Chang had told him that it had been prepared for Lady Lee’s lady-in-waiting. Of course, Lady Seungwan would also stay in the room with Lady Seulgi for the next few days. She would not share Taeyong’s room. And if the Changs asked, Lady Seungwan already had prepared a reason why.

Yuta moved to Taeyong’s door. He knocked but received no response.

He pushed the door open and stepped inside quietly. “Lord Lee,” he said, moving to the bed.

Taeyong didn’t stir. Yuta reached out and gave his shoulder, only receiving a low groan in response.

“Lord Lee,” Yuta repeated. He moved closer, peering at Taeyong.

His eyes were closed and he looked peaceful. Yuta felt his heart skip a beat but he quickly shook it off and called his name again.

Suddenly, one of Taeyong’s hands wrapped around his wrist and the other was reaching for his face. “Yuta,” he said, voice still heavy with sleep, “Come here.”

He pulled Yuta closer but Yuta stood his ground. “You can’t,” he whispered slowly. He pried Taeyong’s hand off of him and moved away from the bed. He cleared his throat. “Lady Lee has arrived and breakfast will be prepared soon, Lord Lee.”

Taeyong turned onto his side and opened his eyes. He stared at Yuta, a frown on his face. “Is Lady Lee going to come in here and give me a kiss this morning?”

Yuta bit the inside of his cheek. “Lord Lee…”

A loud knock on the door made Yuta jump back. He turned and saw Mrs. Chang pushing the door open.

“I’m very sorry fa disturbin’ ya gentlemen but breakfast is bein’ served downstairs.”

“Thank you, Missus Chang,” Yuta said with a bow of his head. He looked back at Taeyong. “We’ll be right down.”

The door closed. Taeyong continued to look at Yuta.

“Come,” he said. He stretched his arm out, becking Yuta with a wave of his hand.

“You can’t,” Yuta repeated, maintaining his ground. 

He wanted to kiss Taeyong but he knew that in a place like this, it was dangerous. As much as they wanted to, they couldn’t. They had risked it last night. Taeyong had nearly fucked Yuta right there in the washroom. Yuta had stopped them, coming to his senses. They couldn’t be careless for the next three days.

“This is killing me.”

Yuta said nothing. He took a deep breath.

“Yuta.”

“Lord Lee, breakfast is being served.”

Taeyong eventually got up and Yuta helped him get dressed for the day. Taeyong led the way downstairs, Yuta behind him.

The small table was occupied with Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan. Mr. Chang was nowhere to be seen. Mrs. Chang was hurrying back and forth with the dishes for breakfast.

Yuta helped Taeyong into his seat beside Lady Seungwan and took his place across him, beside Lady Seulgi.

“Lady Lee,” Taeyong said, reaching over to take Lady Seungwan’s hand.

She smiled. “Good morning. Have you slept well?”

Yuta held back his scowl and focused on his food. He tuned out Taeyong and Lady Seungwan’s chatter. 

He knew that he was jealous. Taeyong was acting like Lady Seungwan put the stars in the sky, referring to her sweetly and looking upon her like she was the most magnificent being to grace the kingdom. Lady Seungwan was beautiful and smart, but she was not Taeyong’s wife.

Yuta wondered if Lady Seulgi was feeling the same beside him. If he was jealous of seeing Taeyong pretend to be someone’s husband, he couldn’t imagine how she felt to see her wife smiling and batting her eyes at another person, pretending to be his wife.

He spoke little throughout the breakfast. While Taeyong had given most of his attention to Lady Seungwan, he had looked at Yuta a few times. And Taeyong had gotten to know Yuta well enough that he knew what was wrong.

After breakfast, as they prepared to leave in their rooms, Taeyong stopped Yuta from helping him get dressed in proper attire for the day. Frustrated, Yuta let out a heavy sigh.

“Please let me fix your coat, Lord Lee,” he said.

“No,” Taeyong answered. He reached up to grab Yuta’s face, making him look at him. “Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Lord Lee…”

“Yuta.”

He sighed again. He pushed Taeyong’s hands away and resumed buttoning his coat. “You think I’m not jealous? Do you think I feel okay seeing you and Lady Seungwan together like a newlywed couple? I know that this is what must be done but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be okay with it. It doesn’t mean that I won’t feel completely j―”

“Yuta,” Taeyong interrupted. Yuta stopped and looked up at him. There was a small smile on his face and Yuta wanted to ask how he could smile when Yuta was feeling so frustrated with everything. “I love you.”

He froze. His hands hovered over the buttons. He blinked at Taeyong.

“Did you hear me?” Taeyong leaned in. “I love you.”

“I heard you the first time,” Yuta said, stepping back. He swallowed hard. “Why did you say that?”

“I have to remind you who it is that holds my heart.” Taeyong stepped closer. “It is not Lady Kang, and it is not Lady Son. It is no one else but you, Yuta. Why must you always doubt my feelings for you?”

“I’m not doubting your feelings, I am simply―”

“Doubting my feelings,” Taeyong said. “I do look upon Lady Seungwan kindly, but it is not in the manner I look upon you. She is not the one that makes me feel like I have the entire world in my hands. She cannot make me come undone with the touch of her hand. She is not the reason I am here today.”

“You and your words…” Yuta huffed, pushing Taeyong back. “We’re leaving soon.”

Taeyong allowed Yuta to finish dressing him and they went back to the ground floor. Mrs. Chang was complimenting Lady Seungwan’s dress and Mr. Chang was watching his wife, a fond expression on his serious face.

Lady Seungwan looked at Taeyong. “Oh!” She smiled and walked over. “Are you ready?”

Taeyong offered his arm. The two bid the older couple goodbye and Mr. Chang opened the door to let them out. The carriage was waiting outside, someone waiting by the door to help them in.

Lady Seungwan went in first followed by Lady Seulgi. Taeyong got in and then Yuta.

Yuta sat beside Taeyong and Taeyong’s hand was quick to find his, pulling it over his lap and keeping it there. Across them, Lady Seulgi took Lady Seungwan’s hands, murmuring something that made her laugh under her breath.

The carriage began to move forward and soon they were out of sight from the inn. The trip from the inn to the small orphanage would take nearly two hours since the town was so large, but they were prepared to wait it out.

Lady Seulgi began to ask Taeyong questions about how he’d been.

Yuta listened halfheartedly, humming when Taeyong asked him to confirm the things they had done over the last few weeks.

It had been a blur. Preparations for their trip had been made under different names. It couldn’t be revealed that the Prince and his husband would be visiting an orphanage or else they could risk revealing their identities. So, Taeyong and Dongyoung had gotten much help in securing the inn, preparing the carriages to be used, and contacting Lady Seulgi to enlist her help.

Yuta had tried to keep up. He stayed informed on what was going on and helped Taeyong sort through their options. They had decided on this town because while it was still rather large, it was relatively unknown. It was isolated in the more eastern region of the Southern Kingdom, a day away from the palace and the few surrounding villages and towns of lords but nearly a week away from anywhere else.

Besides, the town had a large orphanage. In their correspondence with Taeyong, the people that ran it said that they had many infants in need of care. Most infants were dropped off by people that lived very far away, not even residents of the town. Mothers only came to leave their babies and disappeared in the middle of the night, leaving the crying child on the front steps.

If Taeyong and Yuta could bring home a child, they would be saving it from a lonely death. Yuta had heard that many children didn’t survive the first year and only about half made it to the age of fifteen. It was said that orphanages, especially ones as large as this, couldn’t provide for the children, leaving them hungry, sick, and helpless until they died.

Yuta imagined the worst, but as they arrived, he saw that the orphanage was nothing like what he had imagined. What he had read, what he had heard… those things must’ve been exaggerated dramatically over time.

It was a small church. Yuta could see the glittering glass windows, decorated brightly with depictions of angels from the Heavens. As weathered as the exterior was, like many buildings in the town, the windows looked new.

Children were playing in the front, running around and laughing loudly among themselves. Yuta smiled to himself at the sight. Some stopped at the sight of their approaching carriage but many paid no attention to it.

“We’ve arrived,” Taeyong said, also looking out the window.

They slowed to a stop and the door opened. Taeyong got out followed by Lady Seungwan. Lady Seulgi stepped out after her, taking Taeyong’s offered hand. Yuta was the last one out.

The four of them approached the large doors of the church. Now, several children had stopped playing and looked at them with wide, curious eyes. Yuta met some of their gazes and smiled, receiving a few smiles in return.

“Lord and Lady Lee,” a voice said.

Yuta returned his attention to the front. The door had opened and an older woman was standing in the large doorway. She was dressed in a traditional habit. The long dark mantle touched the floor below and swayed with her white tunic and scapular as she put her hands together and nodded her head in greeting. 

“Welcome,” she said.

Taeyong and Lady Seungwan introduced themselves. Yuta took the opportunity to count the kids outside. There were about twenty, and these were only the ones that were old enough to run around and play.

“We’re very happy to have you here,” the sister said. Yuta hadn’t caught her name. He looked at her from over Taeyong’s shoulder curiously. “In your correspondence, you said…”

“Yes,” Taeyong interrupted carefully. The sister looked at him with wide eyes. He bowed his head in apology. “I am aware of what I said. If you could keep that information to yourself, we’d greatly appreciate it.”

“Of course,” the woman said with wide eyes. “Please come in.”

They went inside. The church had been kept intact and upkept quite well. The pews were a beautiful redwood, a glossy top layer making them shine under the light that came in from the windows, and Yuta could see a few children sitting at them or kneeling, hands brought together in prayer.

The woman led them to a staircase and went up. Yuta remained in the back. These stairs also creaked as well, even more than the staircase at Mr. Chang’s inn.

“There are many infants,” the sister said, leading them to a room in the corner. “We’ve just received one, only a few days old.”

She opened the door and they walked inside. Several bassinets were in the room. Yuta counted them quickly, coming up with fifteen. There were fifteen children here in this room, left alone.

“Please, feel free,” the sister said. She excused herself and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Taeyong looked at Yuta. “Yuta?”

Yuta went to him, staying by his side. He peered into the nearby bassinets. Many of the infants were sleeping soundly. He felt his heart swell at the sight of their small faces, peaceful and at rest.

“They are precious,” Taeyong whispered.

He reached out to gently touch a baby’s cheek, making her stir in her bassinet. Taeyong smiled at her.

“They are,” Yuta said, taking in the girl’s face.

He looked into another and found a boy. Yuta smiled.

They walked together and looked into each bassinet. Yuta felt his heart grow heavy as he realized that out of these fifteen children, they would only take one home to call their child. They were all so precious…

“Oh, he’s awake,” Taeyong said, reaching out to grab Yuta’s arm. “Look, Yuta.”

Yuta stepped closer and saw the boy inside the bassinet. He felt his heart stop in his chest. The baby had big brown eyes that caught Yuta’s attention. He blinked up at them, long eyelashes fluttering. Dark brown hair covered his small head, thick and long. Yuta wondered how old the baby was already.

“Oh, he’s precious,” Yuta said.

“He is,” Taeyong said.

Yuta looked up at met Taeyong’s eyes. “Taeyong?”

“Do you want to hold him?” Taeyong asked. He reached out and carefully took the boy out of the bassinet, bringing him to his chest. Taeyong smiled down at him. “Hello, oh, hello there.”

Yuta blinked a few times. He took in the sight of Taeyong holding the child, speaking to him fondly. He felt odd. Something he had never felt coursed through him. Taeyong looked down at the baby with an unguarded affection, it took Yuta by surprise. He had never seen it before. Not when Taeyong looked at his nephew, his young cousins, or at any other family member. Not even Yuta had been on the receiving end of such a loving look.

Taeyong brought his hand up and place it on the baby’s stomach. Taeyong let out a soft laugh when the child blinked up at him curiously, which made the child giggle. Yuta’s heart stuttered in his chest at both sounds.

Was this it?

“Here,” Taeyong said. “Yuta, hold him. He’s precious.”

Carefully, Taeyong placed him into Yuta’s arms. He must have been closer to one year old than a newborn. He was a little heavier than infants were at a few months old. He was wrapped in his blanket but Yuta could see that he wanted out. Yuta carefully pulled away at the blanket, revealing his little arms. 

He could move his hands and he grasped at the front of Yuta’s coat tightly, another indication of his age. He could babble as well. He was older than most of the other infants.

Still, he was small and cute.

Yuta brought him close to his chest. Big brown eyes blinked up at him. “Oh,” Yuta breathed out, feeling his heart stutter in his chest. “You are a cute one, aren’t you?”

The baby only blinked in response. After a moment, he babbled again. It was a random string of syllables. Yuta smiled and the child smiled back, giving him an unobscured view of the teeth that were coming in on his bottom gums.

Yuta was taken with this one. He felt his heart swell with something akin to love as he cuddled the baby closer to his chest. It was different. The feeling in his chest was different.

When Yuta looked at the portrait of his family, he felt the familiar fondness he had for them. It was the same thing he felt when he looked at Hajoon and Eunbi. When he looked at Taeyong, it was a tender feeling of affection that moved through his body. But looking at this child, it was indescribable. Yuta could only describe it as true love.

He laughed when the baby said something to him, staring at him with his big curious eyes. 

He looked at Taeyong, who’s attention was on the bundle in Yuta’s arms. It was clear that Taeyong was taken with the child as well. That vulnerable look of adoration remained on his face and Yuta’s heart ached at the sight. This _was_ it. This child was meant to be theirs.

“Taeyong? Yuta?” Lady Seulgi approached. She peered at the child and laughed. “Oh! He’s cute!”

Lady Seungwan rushed over quietly and looked as well. “He is!” she exclaimed, careful not to wake any of the other babies nearby. “Oh, if you don’t take him, we certainly will.”

Taeyong laughed. “Lady Lee,” he said, “Would you like to hold him?”

“Absolutely!”

Yuta handed the baby to Lady Seungwan, who cooed down at the boy in her arms, her wife over her shoulder. The child moved to reach for one of the ribbons that fell from Lady Seungwan’s hat and she laughed, carefully pulling it out of his grasp, quietly telling him not to do that.

Taeyong reached out to grab Yuta’s hands.

“Do you believe we will be alright?”

There was something different in his voice. It was excitement and hope for the future. Yuta felt it course through his veins as well. He squeezed Taeyong’s hands, wanting him to know that he felt it, too. Everything Taeyong was feeling, he felt it, too.

Yuta smiled. “I do not doubt it.”

* * *

Yuta heard Mr. Chang knock loudly on Taeyong’s door across the hall. He moved towards his door and tried his best to listen through it.

“Lord Lee, someone ‘as arrived lookin’ fa ya,” Mr. Chang was saying, “Said ‘e was Lord Kim, from ya estate.”

“Lord Kim?”

Yuta heard some movement.

“Mister Chang, excuse me,” he heard Taeyong say.

“Should I ‘ave Missus Chang prepare anotha’ bed?”

“That won’t be necessary, Mister Chang!” Taeyong’s voice sounded far off and Yuta heard the loud creak of the stairs.

Yuta waited until he heard Mr. Chang leave as well. He slowly opened the door and peered into the hallway. He couldn’t risk going down the stairs. They would hear him.

He held his door in place, trying to hear for anything.

When he couldn’t, he pushed it open and crossed the hall, stepping into Taeyong’s room across the hall. He paced in the small space between the bed and wardrobe. The moon was high in the sky outside and no one was awake at this hour. No sounds were coming from outside. It was dead in the night.

Lord Kim… Lord Kim was Dongyoung, so if Dongyoung had come, something terrible must have happened at the palace.

Yuta sat on the bed, undone by Taeyong from when he was sleeping.

He tried to remain calm. There was no use in panicking before he knew what was happening. He recalled the events from earlier in the day. He remembered holding the baby, his warmth against Yuta’s body. He took a deep breath and focused on that feeling.

He sat there for almost half an hour. The door opened and Yuta made out Taeyong’s silhouette, cast by the light coming from the candles in the hall. He stepped into the room, a deep sigh escaping his lips.

“Taeyong,” Yuta said, standing up when he was close enough to the bed.

Taeyong jumped. “Yuta!” he exclaimed, bringing a hand to his chest. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.” Yuta grabbed Taeyong’s hands. They were cold. “Has something happened? Dongyoung came. I heard Mister Chang tell you.”

“Dongyoung is waiting for us,” Taeyong said, carefully pulling his hands from Yuta’s hold. “We’re needed back immediately.”

Taeyong said nothing else and Yuta began to shake. He tried to collect everything, going back to his room and packing all of his belongings. He was frazzled and as he closed the door behind him, he was certain that he had left behind something or another.

They both walked down the stairs, the loud creaking doubled in sound by the weight of their additional luggage. Taeyong approached Mr. Chang and Yuta stepped outside. 

Dongyoung was waiting. Without a word, he took Yuta’s luggage and helped the driver load it. Yuta waited for him to say something, but Dongyoung only motioned for him to get in.

Taeyong came a few minutes later, thanking Mr. Chang. “My wife and her lady will remain for the last day, Mr. Chang,” he was telling him. “Please keep them in your care.”

“Ya got it, Lord Lee,” he responded.

Taeyong got into the carriage and sat beside Yuta. He said nothing for a long minute. He looked at Dongyoung with a hard expression. “Will we have time?”

“Yes,” was the calm response he received.

The trip back to the palace was going to be nearly seven hours long at the speed they were going. Dongyoung had said they were going to move as quickly as possible with no time to rest. Taeyong had stayed awake, wringing his hands over his lap and looking out the window nervously. Dongyoung had remained calm, eyes on the passing landscapes as the sun began to rise. Yuta was in and out of sleep. He had laid down for bed and Mr. Chang had come up about an hour later so while he felt the tension in the carriage, he was extremely tired.

When the palace came into view, the sun was well over the horizon and Yuta was waking up from another short nap. It was early morning. Usually, the maids would begin their work and the various men and women of the palace would begin to eat breakfast followed by a walk in the gardens. However, that was not the case today.

The palace was quiet. He saw no one of the royal court walking about.

It was eerie. The palace was large and luxurious. It was made to have men and women walking around, dressed in their rich clothes, chatting amongst themselves. But it looked empty as if nobody resided in the palace. Out of the hundreds of people that came in and out, not one of them could be seen. Seeing it so barren make a hole form in Yuta’s stomach. Not even a bird perched in a tree made a sound. 

He knew what this feeling was. It was hard to forget. The first time they had arrived at the palace in a rush, the same feeling settled over Yuta’s body. It gave him chills and made him freeze. The feeling had remained there, leaving him hollow and numb for the days that followed.

He recalled Taeyong’s words at the start of the trip and Dongyoung’s response.

_Will we have time?_

_Yes._

Yuta felt his heart grow heavy, realizing there could only be one thing this was about.

Someone was dying.

* * *

During the ninth month of the last year, Yuta had been led to a room he’d never seen before. He had pushed the door open and had been met with men and women trying to look at the person in the bedchamber. It had been Taeyong that pulled him through the crowd.

This morning was similar. Taeyong took him by the hand, pushed the door open, and pulled him in. 

But the antechamber was empty. Everything was in its place. Yuta was surprised.

A thick blanket was folded and draped over the arm of a chair. Various toys were on the sofa. It looked like it hadn’t been touched in over a day. Yuta could see the thin layer of dust beginning to collect on the wooden table in the center of the room.

Someone emerged from the bedchamber as the door behind them closed.

“Taeyong, Yuta.” Taeyong’s aunt was distraught. She rushed over and took Taeyong into her arms. Taeyong pulled his hand away from Yuta to embrace her, whispering words in her ear. She buried her face in front of Taeyong’s coat and began to cry.

The sound pierced the air and Yuta felt his heart shatter. He had heard her cries when her husband died last year. He had watched her fall to her knees, ready to toss herself over his coffin, her children watching her.

Yuta swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked away the tears.

Taeyong’s aunt let him go and she looked at Yuta, tears in her eyes. They slid down her cheeks in large droplets, falling from her bottom eyelashes and streaking her face.

She embraced him. Yuta wrapped his arms around her small body. He felt her shake in his hold. Her entire body trembled and Yuta held her tight, holding her up. He felt her cries against the front of his coat, heard how her sobs caught in the back of her throat, choking her. He felt the way her hands took the back of his coat into her fist and how she gripped onto the fabric, clutching onto him.

Taeyong pulled her away carefully. “Please,” he said, voice gentle, “She can’t hear you cry.”

Yuta looked towards the bedchamber. He saw the end of the bed, layers of blankets draped over it, but he could not see her.

Taeyong and Yuta helped his aunt calm down. It took a few minutes but once she had collected herself, she held onto their arms and the three of them walked into the bedchamber.

She nearly burst into tears at the sight again.

Yuta looked towards the bed and saw her tucked underneath the thick bedding. She looked small in the large bed, drowning in the blankets and pillows. Her hair was pushed away from her face, showing how thin it had become over the last few months.

Her cheekbones were sharp and hollowed. Her eyes had sunk deeper into her face. Her skin had been drained of any color. The sickness had taken every part of her and left behind someone pale and sickly.

She had her eyes closed. It looked like she was sleeping.

Yuta was too afraid to move forward. Taeyong was the one that did.

“Eunbi,” he said, walking to the side of her bed.

She stirred but didn’t wake. Taeyong reached out and began to run his fingers through her thin hair.

“Eunbi,” he repeated.

It took a moment but she opened her eyes slowly, looking up at him. She looked surprised and then upset. Yuta saw the tears begin to well in her eyes and she made a small noise in the back of her throat. At the sound of her whimpering, Taeyong pulled his hand back.

“Eunbi?”

She began to move in bed frantically, writhing around. The blankets around her fell and revealed her thin shoulders and arms. A woman in the corner moved to her quickly. Yuta hadn’t noticed her. He watched as she took Eunbi’s shoulders and whispered some soothing words to her, pulling the sheets back up to cover her.

Taeyong stepped away, the hurt in his eyes obvious.

“Taeyong,” his aunt said, “Please don’t be upset… she doesn't want you to see her this way.”

Taeyong looked at his aunt and then back at Eunbi, who stared back at him with teary eyes. “Eunbi, it’s okay,” Taeyong said. His hand hovered over the bed. “Can I?”

“Eunbi,” the woman said.

Eunbi shared a look with her and then returned her gaze to Taeyong. Wordlessly, she nodded. Taeyong came closer again and reached out to push back her hair. He said something to her, voice quiet.

Whatever it was, it made Eunbi shake her head. Taeyong said something else and this time she nodded.

“Eunbi?” the woman said.

Yuta looked at her. She was a thin, older woman, evident by her graying hair. She wore a simple dress. She had no makeup on. Perhaps a nurse or someone hired to help Eunbi through the last few days, hours.

“Is there something you would like to tell Taeyong?”

Eunbi looked at her, shaking her head quickly. Taeyong looked at the woman as well.

“What is it?”

“Eunbi, please ask him about what you were telling me,” she said.

Eunbi shook her head again. She paused. Her eyes landed on Yuta.

Taeyong followed her gaze. “Ah, Yuta,” he said. He looked back at her. “Do you want him to come over?”

She nodded. Taeyong held his hand out for Yuta, who took a few timid steps toward the bed. Once he was close enough, Taeyong grabbed his hand and pulled him the rest of the way.

He looked at Eunbi. “Eunbi,” he managed to say. His voice came out choked.

She looked at the woman on the other side of the bed, who nodded. She turned back to them and opened her mouth. No sound came out and she closed it. She tried a few more times.

“It’s hard for her to talk,” the woman said, getting their attention. She looked down at Eunbi sympathetically. “It’s painful.”

Yuta looked at the small girl again. She looked frustrated. He placed a hand over the large mound of bedding over her, meeting her eyes. _Calm down_ , he told her.

She seemed to relax. She took a few breaths. “Did…” Her voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper. She let out a few coughs that sounded like they hurt terribly. She took a moment to regain her breath and collect herself once again. She swallowed hard. “Did you find you… your baby?”

The question caught them both by surprise. Yuta looked at Taeyong, who looked at him. He didn’t know what to say. He watched as Taeyong turned back to her, a sad smile on his face.

“We did,” he said. He blinked a few times and Yuta saw the tears in his eyes. He took a few breaths. “We did find him.”

“Him?” Eunbi asked, sounding awed despite the scratchiness of her voice.

“Him,” Taeyong repeated. “He’s a beautiful boy, Eunbi.”

She smiled but it looked like it hurt. Regardless of the pain she must’ve felt, Yuta saw genuine happiness reach her eyes. “I wish I could meet him,” she said.

“You can, you will,” Taeyong insisted, voice filled with panic. “Eunbi, you will see him. He’s coming soon. Lady Kang… Do you remember Lady Kang? She’s bringing him to us.”

Eunbi shook her head but continued smiling. “No,” she said softly. She looked at Yuta. “What is his name?”

“We haven’t decided yet,” Yuta said. He tried to keep his voice as even as possible, not wanting to burst into tears before her. “We wanted to name him after your father…”

Eunbi seemed surprised. “Papa?” She smiled but shook her head. “He wouldn’t have wanted that.”

“Is that so?”

She nodded. “He told me to… never name one of my children after him,” she said. Yuta felt his heart sink. “Oppa, please name your baby something else.”

“We will,” Taeyong said, catching her attention. “We’ll name him something else then.”

“Eunbi, what name would you like for your child?”

She looked at them curiously. She looked towards her mother, still standing at the end of the bed, watching their exchange. She smiled. “I’d name my children after my parents,” she said. It sounded like she wanted to laugh but it came out a little choked. “Even though Papa said not to. And after that, I’d have a girl named Jinsol and a boy named Jaemin. As for the rest… I’m not sure.”

“Jinsol,” Taeyong repeated. “After Grandmother. And Jaemin…”

“My baby brother.”

Yuta frowned. Eunbi had four younger siblings. Prince Sunwoo, Princess Lena, and Princess Wonyoung were the remaining children. There was no other child. Unless…

He looked towards Taeyong’s aunt, who was smiling with tears in her eyes. He turned back to Eunbi again.

“Oppa, please take care of your baby,” Eunbi said, looking at Taeyong. “Take care of him.”

Taeyong leaned in to kiss her forehead. “We will,” he promised.

* * *

Yuta could not bear to look at Taeyong, knowing that he would only see Eunbi’s face. Though there was a very little resemblance between the cousins, there were moments where Yuta had quickly been able to see their similarities, similarities that could be pinpointed on each family member. If he looked at Taeyong in the right light, Yuta could see Eunbi, or what Eunbi would have been.

She would’ve been a bright and beautiful woman with a wonderful future ahead of her. She would’ve been smart and wise beyond her years. She would’ve married a gentleman and raised five or six children, something she told them she always wanted. She would’ve spent her days in the southern sun, running in the fields, finally free and careless. 

None of it would happen and it broke Yuta’s heart over and over.

“Yuta,” Taeyong said carefully. He placed his hands on Yuta’s shoulders, but he shook them off. He heard Taeyong sigh. “Yuta, please.”

“I can’t look at you,” Yuta answered, voice small. “I don’t want to look at you.”

“I know,” Taeyong said. “Will you at least speak with Taeil?”

Yuta said nothing in response. He heard Taeyong leave and no one came in after him. Yuta remained in his position, not knowing what to do with himself.

What was he supposed to do?

He wondered how Eunbi’s mother was. She had seen her husband go and now, she had to see her daughter go. Yuta shook with sadness as he imagined being in her position.

He could not be in her position ever. It would feel like death, though he imagined that death would be easier than this.

There was no naming this suffering.

It ached, deep within his chest, and Yuta felt like he was struggling to breathe properly.

The day that she died, Yuta had waited outside of her room, wanting to see her. He hadn’t. Instead of going in, he had left and gone to the library to distract himself. Hours later, Yuta had heard the wailing of her mother and those of the women that were in the room with her. He felt the guilt eating at him from the inside out.

He imagined her mother, holding her in her arms, crying, heart aching. Her child, gone.

Just a few days ago, Yuta had talked to her. They had rushed home and spoken with her. She was weak and tired, but she had still been Eunbi.

To think that she had been taken away…

Yuta stayed in his spot until someone finally came. It was Taeil. He carefully pulled Yuta up and helped him out of the room. Yuta paid little attention to what happened around him, only letting himself be pulled along by Taeil, who whispered words of comfort that fell onto his deaf ears.

The walk outside was the hard part. The sun was bright and warm in the sky, and Yuta wanted to curse at it. It was not supposed to be a good day. How could it be sunny on a day like today?

All the flowers had begun to bloom and thrive fully, looking up to be kissed by that bright and warm sun, and Yuta wanted to go and walk all over them, to kill them before they had the chance to blossom into the beautiful things they were meant to be.

Taeil’s hold on him was tight. Yuta didn’t stomp on the flowers.

Instead, he stood quietly. Taeil stood to his right and Taeyong on his left. He waited, eyes on the small wooden coffin. Someone was speaking, asking the Heavens to let Eunbi grow and thrive into the beautiful woman she would’ve become, asking the Heavens to let her be free from the pain and suffering she had endured over the last eight months.

Growing up, Yuta had prayed. He would put his hands together, close his eyes, and ask the Heavens to take care of him and his family. His parents had instilled that into him. But as he had grown, he had begun to waver. He prayed less often, forgetting to ask for protection and guidance.

But today, Yuta brought his hands together and closed his eyes. He asked the Heavens, he _begged_ the Heavens to take care of Eunbi.

A loud cry rang through the air and Yuta felt his heart fall and break all over. Eunbi’s mother stood further down the line, beside the Queen and King, the rest of her children beside them. The Queen wrapped her in her embrace, muffling her cries. She shook in the Queen’s arms.

The numbness began to set in when the coffin was lowered into the large rectangular hole in the ground. Eunbi’s mother tried to escape the Queen’s hold, wanting to throw herself over it. It was a sight too familiar to Yuta. The King was quick to help the Queen hold her back. Yuta only watched with a hollow heart as she struggled, letting out choked cries of Eunbi’s name.

His heart ached more when the King stepped forward. He treaded down on the earth and flattened it over her coffin. It slowly began to disappear and more family members stepped over the area. Yuta barely felt his feet move as he pressed down on the dirt beneath his feet.

When it was all over and Eunbi’s grave had been completed, Yuta allowed himself to be led back to the palace and up to the third floor by Taeil. He said nothing. There was nothing to say.

Taeil helped him out of his clothes and Yuta waved him away, tucking himself into bed despite it being midday.

He fell asleep quickly. He hadn’t cried, but he felt as if he had. He felt exhausted, the weight of the day falling onto his shoulders.

* * *

“Yuta,” Taeyong said.

He sounded distressed. It caught Yuta’s attention immediately.

He looked at Taeyong. He was dressed in a suit that was nothing like what he usually wore. It was ragged and ripped like he had been attacked. There was no sign of him being hurt. He moved closer to Yuta and there was no stumble in his walk. 

“Yuta,” Taeyong repeated. While not physically hurt, he sounded hurt.

“What?” Yuta asked, reaching out to grab Taeyong by the wrists. His voice sounded panicked. “What is it?”

Taeyong said something, but no sound came out. His face twisted into an expression of desperation and Yuta could see him saying his name, repeating it over and over. Then it changed. He repeated the same word over but Yuta couldn’t hear him. It was like he had lost his hearing. Taeyong looked hopeless, tears forming in his eyes. 

_Yuta, help me._ It’s what he was mouthing. _Yuta, help me. You have to help me. Yuta._

“What?” Yuta repeated. He knew he didn’t lose his hearing as his voice was loud and clear.

Again, Taeyong’s mouth moved but nothing came out. Yuta grabbed onto Taeyong’s arm tightly. He felt the frustration growing in his body, making him shake. He repeated the word over and over, the exasperation in his voice increasing with each repetition.

And then: “He’s hurt. Yuta, he’s hurt.”

Immediately, Yuta felt a wave of fear take over his body. He tried to hold onto Taeyong’s arms, feeling as though he’d collapse. But Taeyong pulled away and began to move towards a door.

“Yuta, come,” he said urgently. “He’s dying, Yuta. He’s going to die.”

Yuta wanted to move, but he felt frozen in place. The words rang in his mind, over and over, like an endless cycle. He felt a hole form in his heart. It ached and he clutched at his chest, gasping for breath. He stared at Taeyong, and he looked right back at him with wild eyes. 

_Yuta, help me. You have to help me, Yuta._

He could only watch as Taeyong turned and left the room, the door closing behind him. It closed with a resounding thud, echoing in the small room. The sound continued to ring in Yuta’s ears, drowning out his thoughts and Taeyong’s words.

Yuta couldn’t move. He felt anguished, frantically trying to make his legs move. He fell to his knees in an attempt to move forward and the tears in his eyes threatened to fall.

And then, loud cries from the other side of the door. It was the sound of a woman wailing. And then, another woman joined in. And a third, a fourth. And soon, Yuta could only hear the wailing of the women on the other side of the door.

Yuta gave a wordless shout, strangled by his sobs.

“No!” he screamed.

He couldn’t move. He felt the tears slide down his cheek. 

“No! My son!”

* * *

He woke up shaking. He sat up in bed immediately. His chest was moving up and down quickly, he was breathless.

It was dark in the bedchamber. The fire had dwindled out and the chambersticks had been snuffed out. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He looked around the room. He looked at the other side of the bed.

In the dim moonlight, he could make out the shape of Taeyong. He was sleeping, his slow and steady breaths make his chest rise and fall.

Yuta took a few deep breaths. He continued to look at Taeyong.

Everything was fine. He repeated the words over and over in his head.

“Taeyong,” he said after a few minutes, reaching out to shake Taeyong’s shoulder.

He stirred but didn’t wake up. Yuta shook him again and this time, he opened his eyes slowly. Yuta pulled back his hand. He blinked up at Yuta. His eyes widened when he noticed the state he was in.

“Yuta?” He pushed himself up into a sitting position. He took Yuta’s face into his hands, running the pads of his thumbs over Yuta’s cheeks. In the dim light that came in from the window, Yuta could see the worry etched on his face. “What is it?”

“I had a nightmare,” he said quietly.

“Oh, Yuta,” Taeyong said.

Taeyong moved his hands and pulled Yuta closer, wrapping his arms around his body. Yuta felt him kiss his temple.

“You’re fine,” Taeyong whispered against his skin. “I’m fine. We’re fine.”

Yuta let himself relax in Taeyong’s hold, feeling exhausted and sad. He rested his chin on Taeyong’s shoulder. Behind his eyelids, he could see a baby with big brown eyes. He took a sharp breath and pulled away from Taeyong, eyes opening. He stared at Taeyong.

“Yuta?”

“Taeyong, we can’t do this,” Yuta said. He sounded desperate. “We can’t bring a baby into our lives.”

“Yuta, what?” Taeyong frowned. He took Yuta’s face in his hands once again. “What do you mean?”

“We can’t take care of him.” His voice was shaking. He blinked a few times, realizing that there were tears in his eyes. Taeyong was a blur in front of him. “We can’t protect him. We will love him and adore him, and still, we’ll be able to lose him so suddenly? We cannot do that.”

“Yuta, Yuta.” Taeyong embraced him again. “Yuta, your mind is thinking of the worst possible scenarios.”

“There’s disease… disease that can’t be treated. There are awful people in the world that will want to take him away from us. Or _I_ could kill him. Taeyong, I could hurt our child and it will be my fault that we lose him. There’s… there are a million things that can happen. And we won’t be able to protect him. And I’m scared. I am truly terrified.”

Taeyong’s embrace tightened. “Yuta,” he said softly, his hot breath hitting Yuta’s temple. “There are a million things that could happen, but that doesn’t mean they will. There is no need to be scared of bringing a child into our lives. You will not hurt our baby.”

“Can we wait?”

Yuta thought he could hear the sound of Taeyong’s heart shattering. “Of course,” Taeyong said quietly. “We can wait.”

“I’m sorry, Taeyong.”

Taeyong kissed Yuta’s cheek. “I’ll send someone to tell Lady Kang.”

Yuta began to cry and Taeyong held him tightly. He moved his face and buried himself in the front Taeyong’s shirt, hands coming up to fist at the cotton tightly. He felt his warm tears slide down his cheeks and onto his fists before hitting Taeyong’s shirt.

He tried to hold back his sobs but found himself choking on them.

He could never be a father. Not if his child could be taken from him so quickly. He would never be able to handle that pain for the rest of his life.

* * *

Taeyong sent someone to Lady Seulgi the next morning, as the sun was rising. Yuta spent the entire day in bed, waiting to hear back from them.

Since the funeral had just been held the day before, no one was working, except for the maids and footmen around the palace. Everyone was in mourning.

Yuta didn’t know if people were truly mourning. Perhaps they had simply continued with their everyday menial tasks. The people of the palace had little respect for some members of the family, as much as Yuta felt cynical thinking that people would disrespect Eunbi’s memory so boldly. 

Taeil hadn’t said anything when he came in with the maids carrying Yuta’s breakfast. Yuta had hardly touched it, feeling as though he had lost his appetite. Taeil had been the one to get him to eat a little.

The maids had left the room alone the entire day. He heard them moving about in the antechamber, but they hadn’t stepped foot into the bedchamber where he was. They were unusually quiet, whether it was because Yuta was there or because the entire palace was somber, he didn’t know. They had left eventually, leaving Yuta alone once again.

Taeil had offered to bring up some books or bring him some paper and a pen to write, but Yuta had politely declined. He felt like he could barely lift his hand, let alone hold onto anything. Taeil had ignored him and brought some books anyway. They were the books Yuta was currently reading. A book about a traveler that ventured through the Kingdom of Daoming centuries ago and a book about Southern Kingdom lore. He had left them untouched.

He fell in and out of sleep, only waking after having the same nightmare over and over.

He could never move. In the nightmare, his feet seemed glued to the ground. As much as he tried to make himself move towards that door, to follow Taeyong into the next room, he couldn’t. He yelled, begging Taeyong to stay with him, asking the Heavens to not let his son die, but Taeyong always left and his son always cried until he didn’t any longer. It was always followed by the women wailing, the sound repeating over and over in Yuta’s mind until he woke up.

It was haunting. Yuta never had a nightmare so vivid before.

He didn’t recognize the place in his dream. It looked like the palace in its decor and style―tall ceilings with golden trim all around, bright white wall panels, and portraits of family members. But it was smaller than any room he had been in. It was suffocatingly small, and it seemed to close in on him the moment Taeyong left.

Yuta trembled as he recalled the vividness of it all.

Hours passed and Yuta slept, awoke, and slept when he managed to erase the feeling of loss. It felt like time was hardly moving, even though each time he woke, the sun was sitting somewhere else in the sky outside the window across the bed.

Eventually, the sun was no longer there and it was the moon that sat among glittering speckled stars against the night sky.

The candles had been lit and the fireplace had also been taken care of. It was warm, almost too warm, but Yuta couldn’t make himself care about it. He turned his head to the side and stared at the chamberstick that sat on the bedside table. He watched the orange flickering flame, followed the melting wax down to the bottom of the candle, where it collected at the base of the chamberstick.

He must’ve stared at it for nearly an hour. He jumped when he heard Taeyong’s voice calling his name.

He turned and saw Taeyong at the foot of the bed. He blocked the perfect view of the moon that Yuta had but its soft ring of light created a small halo around Taeyong’s head.

“Taeyong,” Yuta said. His voice was scratchy from not using it all day.

“I’ve heard back from Lady Seulgi,” was all Taeyong said. He made no move to come closer, remaining at the foot of the bed. “She’ll try to remain in Karo-eup with Lady Son as long as needed.”

“Taeyong…”

“Please listen, Yuta,” Taeyong said seriously. “Sister Jung is aware that… someone has passed away. Whenever we’re ready, we can go back and―”

“I don’t ever want to go back,” Yuta interrupted. His voice was flat. Taeyong looked surprised. “I don’t ever want to go back to that place.”

“Yuta…”

Taeyong looked desperate. It hurt Yuta to his core. He looked away from Taeyong and turned his attention back to the candle burning brightly on the nightstand. 

Yuta knew he was being hard. Taeyong was also hurting and Yuta was not helping to ease the pain he felt. But Yuta couldn’t help it.

He had never felt loss. And losing Eunbi had felt like losing his sister. He felt it so deeply, so intensely, and the feeling was only encouraged by his recurring nightmare. It felt like he’d never have another night of sound sleep again. He would remain a victim to this suffering forever, and he would not go through it again with his child someday. 

“I love you, Yuta.”

Yuta didn’t say anything. He heard Taeyong’s footsteps. They got softer and softer. He heard the door open and close. He was gone.

* * *

The start of the fifth month came and went. Soon enough, they reached the seventeenth day of the month and as much as everyone was still mourning, the palace needed to move forward. Eunbi’s death had occurred eighteen days ago and her funeral had been fifteen days ago, which meant that many had started to move on with the things that needed to be done. Yuta had nothing to do so he remained in his state, feeling dazed and out of sorts day in and day out. 

Taeil managed to get Yuta out of bed and into the antechamber on most days. He sat on the sofa, trying to read but it never worked. Nothing held his interest for long, but Taeil was creative in the ways he tried to keep Yuta distracted. Taeil would sit and read out loud, soothing Yuta’s mind and lulling him to sleep.

The nightmares that had plagued his sleep had gone away and had been replaced with bright images of a beautiful baby boy in Taeyong’s arms. The more days that went by, the more Yuta began to miss the child he had seen the month before. He had only seen the child that one day, held him in his arms that one time and Yuta had become completely infatuated with him. He was unable to dream of anything else.

He had told Taeyong that he never wanted to return to Karo-eup that night when he was filled with emotions. It hurt him to know he had declared such a thing so insistently, knowing now that he would do anything to go back and be with the child. But he could not tell Taeyong such a thing. He didn’t know how to. 

Taeyong spent most of his time outside the rooms. Yuta had said he could hardly look at Taeyong, and it seemed like Taeyong felt the same. Whatever he saw when he looked at Yuta, whether it reminded him of Eunbi or the child Yuta said he didn’t want to see again, Yuta was not sure. He seemed to avoid Yuta, except for when they went to bed, and even then, Taeyong talked little. Yuta missed him but also knew that he was not in the right condition to be with Taeyong. 

Dongyoung kept Taeyong company for the day and would visit Yuta, telling him how Taeyong was and also making sure he was all right. Yuta was sure that Dongyoung went right back to Taeyong to report how Yuta was doing. As much as Taeyong couldn’t be with him, Taeyong still cared for him. It was reassuring.

Taeil came in with a few more books in his hands. Yuta almost sighed but then he caught sight of the folded paper over the book at the top of the stack. The silver seal that held it closed was one that was familiar to Yuta.

Before Yuta could reach for it, Taeil took it and hid it inside his coat. “Yuta,” he said.

Yuta looked at him wearily. “What?”

“Before you read this, I must tell you something,” Taeil said. He was serious.

All the tiredness in his body left and Yuta sat up on the sofa. With wide eyes, he looked at Taeil. He waited for him to speak.

“While…” Taeil seemed to struggle with his words. Yuta didn’t rush him. He let Taeil take his time. But his hands began to shake and his heart began to beat harder the longer he waited. “In the time that you have been grieving, something has happened. In your best interests, I am telling you this before you find out some other way.”

Yuta stared at him. “Taeil,” he said. He took a sharp breath. “What are you talking about?”

He was beginning to panic. It could be several things. The one that stood out to Yuta was the baby. Something had happened to the baby, to his baby. _Their_ baby. The things Yuta feared… he had not been there to protect his child from those things. It began to eat at him, making his heart languish where it sat in his chest.

Something else came to mind. Perhaps something with his family in Modan-ri. Momoka and her baby… it had been too long. His mother’s letter had just arrived. It could hold terrible news for him. Momoka was not well, or perhaps the baby was not well. Or worse, they had been lost. Thinking of such a possibility made Yuta’s throat close up and he found it hard to breathe.

“Taeil, sit and tell me,” Yuta demanded.

Taeil sat and pulled the letter out from his coat. He handed it to Yuta without a word. He said nothing else so Yuta broke the seal and unfolded the letter with shaking hands. Taeil stopped him from reading it, placing his hand over one of Yuta’s.

His sister. Yuta felt dizzy. It was his sister.

He looked at Yuta with a careful gaze. “I have not told you what it is yet.” He took a small pause. “Queen Sora has been informed of something regarding you, Yuta,” Taeil said. His voice was calm and measured as always. It didn’t waver or break. Taeil blinked a few times. He glanced at his hand on top of Yuta’s and then back up to meet his eyes. “She’s been informed of who you are.”

Yuta froze.

It was not Momoka and her baby in Modan-ri. And it was not his baby in Karo-eup. The terrible news was about him.

“Ho―how?” he choked out.

“I am uncertain,” Taeil replied.

Yuta could not make out how Taeil truly felt. He could feel betrayed and disgusted. Yuta felt shame. He wanted to leave. He wanted to hide somewhere else. He did not want Taeil to criticize him. Yuta would not be able to handle the only friend he had here turning away from him at a moment like this.

Taeil carefully pried the letter out of Yuta’s hand. Yuta looked at it and realized that he had begun to crumple it up. He watched as Taeil tried to smooth out the wrinkled paper, his hands running over the words his mother had written. Taeil set the letter aside.

“I think…” Taeil stopped. He took a few measured breaths. He was thinking. “No. No… No, I know that something has happened. The Queen was informed of it this morning and―”

“And nothing has happened to me yet.”

“Yuta.” The sudden desperation in Taeil’s voice took him by surprise. He looked at Taeil, swallowing the lump in his throat. His eyes were questioning and they were untrusting. Yuta felt his heart break as he realized that Taeil had guarded himself against him. “Is this true?”

Yuta didn’t hesitate to answer. “Yes.”

“Why did you not tell me?” The guarded look fell away. It was replaced by a look of anguish. 

His heart ached at the sound of Taeil’s voice. He sounded heartbroken. 

“I don’t see why I should have,” Yuta replied, trying to keep his voice even. “It’s not information that is for you to know.”

“It would have helped,” Taeil said. He sounded angered now. Yuta waited for him to get up and yell at him. Instead, Taeil tugged at his hand. “It would have helped me in what I’m about to do now.”

Taeil pulled him up and towards the door. Yuta stopped them and reached down to pick up his mother’s letter, holding it close to his chest. He looked at the back of Taeil’s head, shocked by what was happening.

“Taeil, where are you taking me?”

“It’s my job to be with you through and through,” Taeil said. He placed on hand on the doorknob and looked back at Yuta. “And that’s what I’m going to do.”

Taeil pulled the door open and gasped.

Standing outside were three royal guards.

Everything was a blur. 

Yuta heard Taeil yell and then felt him be pulled away from him. The warmth of Taeil’s hand disappeared and Yuta reached for nothing, grabbing the air. He caught a flash of Taeil’s face, his dark hair and dark suit, but then he disappeared. Yuta tried to move towards him but his arms were grabbed roughly by someone else. He grunted as he tried to free himself but the hands around his arms only tightened, digging into his biceps. He heard Taeil’s voice, somewhere far away, calling for Yuta. He heard the sound of skin colliding with skin followed by Taeil’s pained moan.

Yuta yelled for Taeil, but his voice sounded muffled in his ears. He tried to kick and punch at the people grabbing him, realizing that two of the guards had taken him while the other kept Taeil down. He fought but they were stronger than him, holding him tight and dragging him down the hall, away from the rooms that had kept him safe.

He was gasping.

“Please let me go,” he said desperately. 

He felt tears in his eyes. He was scared and it hurt. He could feel his arms beginning to weaken in their tight hold. Yuta took a deep breath. He still had his mother’s letter in his hand. He could only hope that it wouldn’t be ruined. He balled his hands into fists with his remaining strength and gathered himself as best as he could. 

“I command you to let me go.”

They didn’t look at him. They faced forward, ignoring him.

Yuta had never used his new position as Taeyong’s husband to get what he wanted and it was clear that it wouldn’t be respected now. Yuta said it again and again, but his voice lost resolve with each repetition until he was barely speaking above a whisper.

If anyone had heard the commotion as Yuta was dragged down the hall, no one decided it was worth their while to come out. Maybe they knew that Yuta was going to be dragged out and humiliated for lying about who he was. Maybe they were rejoicing behind closed doors.

They had reached the end of the Prince’s wing. They stood at the top of the staircase. Yuta was breathing heavily, staring at the bottom of the stairs, where the second floor was.

He wondered if they would just let him go. He had gotten weaker. If they let him go, he would collapse. He shut his eyes and waited for it.

To his surprise, they didn’t. The two guards began to move down the staircase. Yuta opened his eyes, thanking the Heavens. In his moment of surprise, he unfisted his hands.

“No!” Yuta cried.

He tried to look back. The letter. He had let go of the letter. Yuta screamed, feeling a new surge of energy course through his body. He resumed with his kicking and punching, begging them to let him get the letter, but he was ignored.

* * *

_My dearest son, Yuta,_

_It is my pleasure to inform you that Momoka has given birth. She went into labor in the later hours of the twenty-eighth day of the fourth month. After nearly twelve hours of intense labor, she gave birth. She gave birth to a beautiful girl on the twenty-ninth day of the fourth month._

_The child came later than we expected. When Momoka did not give birth at the start of the month, we grew worried. We had a doctor come to see her but he said all was well. He congratulated us and returned to his town shortly after. There were no problems with Momoka over the last few weeks of the fourth month. The visit from the doctor eased our worries so we were able to spend it productively._

_During the wait, we prepared the room for the baby at the Jin household. As you know, Yonghoon’s family house is much larger than ours so we were able to purchase many nice things to decorate. Momoka was ecstatic._

_The night she went into labor, Haruna-chan and I hurried over. Yonghoon’s mother also helped with the birth. It would have taken too long to get the doctor to Modan-ri in time so we prepared everything quickly. Women here have always relied on each other in times like these. I will spare you the details of it all, my dear._

_The girl was born as the sun rose into the sky. She let out a strong cry, which made your sister burst into tears of happiness as I handed her the child. Momoka did a wonderful job throughout this entire journey. She is well and has already recovered at the time I’m writing this letter to you._

_As for the girl, she is beautiful. She looks like Momoka did as a baby. I hope that you can see her soon, my son. She has a small mouth and big, brown eyes. She is precious. My first granddaughter…_

_Yonghoon was excited to meet her. Once Haruna-chan cleaned her, Yonghoon was able to hold her for the first time. I have never seen him look so happy. He doesn’t even look at Momoka in that way! He is truly infatuated with his daughter._

_Oh, you must want to know her name! There is quite a story behind it._

_As you know, Momoka and Yonghoon discussed the name for months and had decided on one name. One name for a girl, and one for a boy. Haru and Haneul were the names they decided. They fit a girl or boy just fine. Yet, they did not name her either!_

_We were extremely surprised when the third day arrived and she remained nameless!_

_I spoke to Yonghoon and he said that they thought the name they had chosen did not fit their daughter. I understand that naming your child is difficult._

_When Momoka was born, it took Papa and me an entire day to decide on her name. And in your case, you remained without a name for over a month! Haruna is the exception… We named her after a dear family member._

_The name they decided on is a family member’s name. Yonghoon had an aunt, the sister of his father. She lived in Yamido-ri. He told me that she lived a very fulfilling life. She lived until she was twenty and passed around eleven years ago. She would have been thirty-one around this time of year._

_Momoka loved the name. Yonghoon offered more names, but she insisted on this name._

_Eunbi._

_It’s a beautiful name! Isn’t it lovely?_

_My son, your niece has been born and I can’t wait for you to meet her._

_Love,_

_Mama_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so... see you next time!
> 
> Kidding! Thank you to everyone that has read so intently thus far! We are nearing the end of this journey (or are we?) and I'm very excited ahhhh I know that I left this part on a small cliffhanger, but it will all come together! 
> 
> I appreciate your lovely comments <3 This is probably my favorite work even if it's not the most popular thing around! Thank you for indulging me and joining in on this crazy story.
> 
> As you may have noticed, this is now part of a series! The series has a small note, so... you might know that following the end of this, there will be two more works! As of now, there is only one other work: a one-shot set in this universe with references to characters you might know (cough, Yuta)! It is Johnny-centic and was originally written for Johnny Fic Fest's Johntober! Not necessary to read it to understand this story but... one very big interesting thing may be revealed if you do?
> 
> As always, I tried and gave up on editing this, so I hope I haven't made too many mistakes >_<


	7. If We Make It Through the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the end! We hope you’ve enjoyed your stay. To complete your experience, please take part in a complimentary 40k+ ending! Be sure to leave your review at the end.
> 
> Ha, joking aside, this is the end of this fic! I hope you’re all ready. I do have some warnings, as always.
> 
> Warnings for this part: Imprisonment, Mentions of Murdering Someone, Anxiety Attacks, Someone Almost Gets Executed?, Violence, PTSD, Blood, Major Character Death (Assumed!)
> 
> Okay, now, when you started reading this, you were aware that I chose /not/ to tag the big bad warnings, right? Okay, good!
> 
> I know that these warnings all sound horrifying, but TRUST ME, I have plans. That MCD is looming, but don’t let it scare you! There is an ASSUMED after it... that should tell you enough!
> 
> I struggled with this for so long but I am pleased with how it ended. The pacing is off, in the weirdest way, but somehow... it works and while, I hate it, I respect it... hope that makes sense! Enjoy!
> 
> (Also, my PC would not let me post this so I’m coming to you from my phone! Hope posting through here doesn’t completely mess everything up!)

Reading was something that Yuta enjoyed doing. As a child, his parents could not afford many things for entertainment, but they had always known how much he loved to read. Such superficial things were not seen as necessary but during holidays and on his birthday, Yuta was able to receive things like books or toys to entertain himself with. He cherished everything he received and had kept all of his books safe in his room. Even now, they remained hidden away, if his parents hadn’t looked through his room.

Coming to the palace and having not only one, but two libraries at his disposal had been a dream come true. There were hundreds of books in the libraries. Yuta could spend hours just reading. And he had. Over the last eleven months, Yuta had spent many hours locked away in the library with a book in hand.

He had read dozens of books. In each one, he found something of value. There was always something to take away from a book. He had learned many new things from books about the Southern Kingdom, from its laws to the special court ceremonies and rites that had been practiced by the royal family for generations. He was opened to the world outside the Southern Kingdom in traveler’s accounts, studying and investigating the lands far and near. He was entertained by the books with countless myths and folktales that had been around for centuries. 

His favorite book to read was not much of a book. It was not published in print like the rest. The pages held faded words, written with a pen in a scribbled scrawl. They were stained, with tea and with tears. Words that held so much emotion, that took Yuta’s breath away, staring back at him.

Shortly after finding out the journals had belonged to Taeyong’s grandmother, Yuta had collected them all and set them aside. He had told the maids to never touch the journals and to not move them from their spot. They were important and he didn’t want to lose them. He had wanted to present them to Taeyong, but only when he was sure he had all of them.

Yuta had found five journals. He had only read two in their entirety. The journals he hadn’t read held the memories of Taeyong’s eldest uncle, the brother that the Queen had lost in her childhood. They held memories of the late King and his reign. The journals had years and years of emotions, seen through the eyes of a young struggling queen consort.

He now wished that he had told Taeyong earlier. He wished that he had allowed Taeyong to read his grandmother’s journals.

But Yuta would never get the chance to tell Taeyong where they were. 

He would never get the chance to tell Taeyong many things. The things he’d learned from those books or the things he would like to learn… the chance for Yuta to say those things had come and gone.

It had been half a day. 

Yuta had seen the sun disappear from the sky, a bright moon sitting in her place for the night. The window was small and high up on the wall, but he could still see where the moon sat, watching over him. He tried to count the minutes but found it hard to focus. It was nighttime, but he was unsure of the hour.

The cell was not uncomfortable. In size, it was about the same as the room that Yuta had slept in his entire life. And like his room in Modan-ri, the bed was uncomfortable. It would suffice, but after spending nearly a year sleeping in tall plush beds with thick bedding, Yuta would need a few days before he became familiar with the straw mattress underneath his back.

The rest of the cell was occupied by other necessities. On one end of the cell, there was a washbasin with running water but after testing it out, Yuta realized that he did not have the luxury of warm water. There was a table and bench, but nothing on the table. And on the other end of the room was a lavatory that Yuta hadn’t even tried using yet.

Opposite his bed stood the thick cell bars held him inside. He had been able to see one guard from his bed, but after the first few hours, the guard had left. He hadn’t said a word to Yuta, much less spared him a glance. Other than that, there was no one else. It didn’t seem like there were any other cells or prisoners where he was.

It was not terrible. But it was still imprisonment.

He wondered what was going on outside. Surely Taeyong had been told about Yuta’s detainment by now. And if not, he should have noticed his absence. He should have found Taeil by now, beaten up just inside their rooms.

And if Taeyong was aware of it all, where was he now? What was he doing?

Yuta couldn’t help but think about it. He imagined Taeyong, pacing back and forth, speaking to Dongyoung about what he should do. He imagined Taeyong going to his mother, asking her to let Yuta go or to let him see him at the least.

He would’ve liked to believe that Taeyong would stand up for him in such a way, but when the sun fell and the cell was enveloped in darkness, Yuta couldn’t help but let the darkness creep into his mind as well. Perhaps Taeyong was sleeping well, knowing that Yuta was where he belonged. Maybe it had been Taeyong who had gone to his mother and told her the truth.

 _You always doubt my feelings, Yuta._ He could hear it in his mind. He could see Taeyong’s slight pout and shining eyes behind his eyelids. _Why do you do that?_

Yuta hated it. He hated that he would think Taeyong capable of such a thing. Time and time again, Taeyong had made his affections clear. He had declared his love for Yuta proudly. There was nothing that would change that. Taeyong made sure that Yuta knew it. If anything, Yuta was the one whose feelings could be doubted.

Not once had Yuta told Taeyong he loved him.

He wondered if he would have the opportunity to see Taeyong again. Maybe his last words would be his declaration of love for Taeyong. It would break Taeyong to pieces, but at least Yuta would have said it once in his life. And Yuta was sure that whatever came after, he would continue to love Taeyong.

It had taken Yuta months to realize it. He had only felt this love for so little. He had held it in his hands for a moment and now it was slipping from in between the spaces of his fingers. His entire life was slipping out of grasp, out of reach.

All the months that Yuta had beside Taeyong were hardly enough for him to feel fulfilled or satisfied. There were still so many things they hadn’t experienced together.

Yuta thought of Taeil and Lady Seunghee. They hadn’t even had half the time Yuta and Taeyong had. Is this what Lady Seunghee felt in her last moments of life? And the pain that Taeil lived with day in and day out… would that pain be something Taeyong was forced to live with for the rest of his life?

It made Yuta cry. He was glad that the guard had left. His cries were loud and they caught in the back of his throat, making him choke and gasp for air. His hands clutched to the front of his coat, over his heart, and it hurt. It ached so much. He could barely open his eyes. All he saw was Taeyong behind his eyelids. Moments of the time they spent together flashed through his mind.

He cried until he no longer made any sound. He fell onto the floor and sobbed, begging the Heavens to not let this be the end. But he knew that the Heavens would not hear his wishes. After all, he was a liar. And the Heavens did not help liars.

He could hardly breathe and his throat hurt with every breath he took.

It felt like he had already lost his life.

It must’ve been hours before he had any semblance of clarity, not broken by his cries or the tears that ran down his face. It came to him slowly. His cries died down and the tears stopped forming, leaving him sniffling and holding himself together.

Clarity. Tranquility.

They were coming.

And when they arrived, an odd sense of acceptance overcame him as well. 

He pushed himself off the floor and climbed onto the bed.

Yuta sat on the bed and waited, the last of his tears drying on his face. 

He didn’t know what he waited for. Someone... something, anything.

When it was clear that no one was coming back, Yuta laid back on the mattress. He wrapped his arms around himself to keep warm. They had provided him with no blankets.

It felt like hours before he was able to sleep. He was sure that by the time the fatigue took over, the sun was beginning to rise again. The window was too high up for him to see.

He closed his eyes, falling asleep with Taeyong’s face in mind.

* * *

Ten days. Yuta had counted the times the sun rose since he was imprisoned and it had been ten. It felt like it had been much longer.

Ten days had felt like ten slow, painful years. Each day had crawled up the wall without Yuta noticing and then latched onto him while he slept, weighing him down and taking something from him just as the sun rose from her sleep. 

Ten days had drained Yuta of everything. His strength and resolve had disappeared after the first, and each day that followed only more was taken from him. 

His dignity, his faith, his sleep, and his appetite.

The thing that remained was his pain.

Yuta had waited for a day to take that from him, but it hadn’t arrived yet. He longed for it. He longed for the moment that he no longer felt the hurt the dwelled in his body, making itself a home deep within him. He would rather feel numb than feel the pain that coursed through his body for another moment.

Some of it was physical. Yuta realized that when he was dragged from the palace, the guards had held onto him with enough strength that they left bruises along his arms. They were only now beginning to disappear, but it still hurt to move his arms around. His back and neck ached from the uncomfortable bed he spent most of his time in. Each morning, Yuta was only offered coffee and a blackened piece of bread that he didn’t eat much of, so the lack of food had made Yuta’s stomach start to hurt terribly. 

But most of the pain was emotional. He had run out of tears to shed, but it did not stop him from crying out in the late hours of the night. His chest felt heavy with the weight of his broken heart and even though he tried to piece it back together slowly and carefully, nothing was strong enough to hold the fragile pieces in place. He had given up after the first three days, leaving the mess beside the bed.

One misstep and Yuta would step on a sharp shard that belonged to his heart.

That is why Yuta remained in one spot. He was too afraid to move, lest he hurt himself even more.

If he had counted correctly, and he was sure he had, the fifth month was coming to an end in a few days. Yuta would have spent nearly half the month imprisoned. He would have spent half the month alone, no contact with anyone outside his cell. He hadn’t even spoken to the guard that was posted outside his cell for a few hours each day.

He wondered when they would just come and end his suffering once and for all.

The tenth morning passed slowly. The guard that was posted outside of Yuta’s cell came, a metal cup of cold black coffee in one hand and a small blackened piece of bread in the other. He carefully slid the items through the cell bars.

Yuta watched the guard carefully. He didn’t make eye contact with Yuta, not when he pushed his breakfast inside the cell or when he stood. There was something familiar about him, but Yuta couldn’t place it. He had never seen the man before. And if he had, any interaction they had would be insignificant; he was just a mere guard. Yuta continued to stare, watching the guard take his position outside the cell.

Perhaps the days were also taking his sanity.

He pushed the thoughts away and moved his attention to the things he had brought. Yuta made no move to get off the bed. He was not hungry, even though his stomach ached and begged for food. He learned that he was unable to keep down the bread for more than a minute and the coffee was far too bitter for his taste.

Yuta sighed and laid back down, turning so his back faced the cell bars. He closed his eyes, wondering if he would be able to sleep again.

Once again, sleep had become something Yuta dreaded. A few weeks ago, Yuta had nightmares. He saw Taeyong, distressed and in pain, and he heard the cries of a baby. Taeyong’s pleas for help had haunted him for nights. They had gone away and been replaced with more pleasant things.

But over the last few nights, sleep had begun to evade Yuta. And when Yuta was finally able to catch it, sleep gave him dreams that haunted him throughout the day.

He heard his parents' voices. After months of not hearing them and feeling as though he had forgotten them completely, Yuta heard them in his dreams. The gentle and soothing voice of his mother asking Yuta to take care of himself, her final request to him before he left Modan-ri, echoed in his mind. And the stern yet soft voice of his father, telling Yuta that he wanted to see him soon, the last words that Yuta had heard from him the day after he married Taeyong, ran like a loop. And the more they repeated themselves, the more Yuta hurt.

He would never see his parents again. And there was no telling what would happen to them. Would they even tell them what happened to Yuta? Would they just go after them and have them meet the same fate?

In his sleep, it was Taeyong’s voice that answered his questions.

“They will be fine,” the Taeyong in his dreams said. “I’d never let anything hurt you or them. Not as long as I’m alive.”

 _As long as I’m alive._

Yuta wasn’t sure if Taeyong was still alive or if they had already gotten to him, but the Taeyong in his dreams served as a reassurance that he continued to live, if only in those dreams. Yuta would be okay as long as he was alive.

The Taeyong in his dreams always reached out and took Yuta’s face into his hands. And it felt so real. The first time it happened, Yuta had been startled awake. He sat up panting, eyes looking over his cell. Of course, there was no one there. No one was ever there. 

But Taeyong’s touches felt so real and Yuta yearned for them.

It had been so long since Yuta had been able to reach out and touch Taeyong, hold him. Even before being imprisoned, they had spent days avoiding each other, both of them aching from losing Eunbi and enduring the pain of the loss alone.

Yuta wished he had gotten over the loathing he felt towards Taeyong for reminding him of the young girl. Taeyong was not one to force Yuta to talk if he didn’t want to. He wouldn’t touch or even look. If only Yuta had reached out, he would still be able to remember how Taeyong felt. He wouldn’t have so much trouble remembering the sharpness of his jaw, the softness of his lips, or the smoothness of his skin underneath his fingertips.

He could remember how it felt when Taeyong touched him, but he could not remember how it felt to touch Taeyong. Just like Yuta had begun to forget his family and Modan-ri, he was beginning to lose Taeyong. But he was losing Taeyong at a much quicker rate. Yuta feared that it wouldn’t be long before he lost him completely.

The day that would take Taeyong away would come sooner than the day that took the pain away.

Yuta wasn’t able to find sleep so he simply laid there quietly, facing the concrete wall.

It was about two hours before he heard the guard collect his untouched breakfast and leave to discard it. He came back eventually and Yuta let out a quiet sigh. The guard would leave sometime in the afternoon and then Yuta would be alone.

Yuta turned in the bed, trying to find a more comfortable position. 

He opened his eyes. 

He froze.

Across him, behind the cell bars, was the man that had spoken about Yuta scornfully. He had a smile on his face. Yuta pushed himself up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He sat still, just staring at the man.

“I see you still have no respect,” he said.

Yuta remained silent. He was weak, but he felt the anger in his veins give him strength. He balled his hands into fists but kept them at his sides. His breathing became heavy.

“I’ve come to speak with you.”

“I have nothing to say to you,” Yuta answered. He also sounded raw, from having cried so much and not having used his voice in days. But he could hear the disdain in his tone. 

“I have plenty to say to you,” Prince Jaejoong said. He narrowed his eyes. “I think you’d be interested in hearing what I have to say, that is if you truly care for my nephew.”

Yuta’s breath caught in his throat. The blow that Prince Jaejoong threw him was effective. Yuta’s fists unfurled and he felt himself grow weak once again. His voice sounded meek as he spoke. “What of him?”

Prince Jaejoong scuffed his shoes on the floor as if what he was saying was of little importance. “I know it seems like I have little respect for my nephew, but I love him dearly. I’ve seen him grow up before my eyes. If anything I was more like a brother to him than an uncle. And speaking as a brother, I find that it is rather unfortunate that he made the mistake of marrying you.” Prince Jaejoong met his eyes once more. “A pity.”

Yuta didn’t answer. He couldn’t even begin to form a response in his mind. Prince Jaejoong seemed to realize this. He took the opportunity to continue.

“My nephew, like my late brother, believed he could marry anyone and find happiness. He has no tact. His sensitivity and romanticism are… rather troublesome. You must admit that.”

Yuta felt like he was about to be sick. He watched as Prince Jaejoong smiled, eyes filled with delight.

“And having such family members is not good for future generations of this monarchy. That is why we have to get rid of them. My sister would do no such thing, even though she knows it must be done. She is sensitive as well. My nephew, my late brother… she deeply cares for them. That is why I’ve taken it upon myself to do so.”

What? 

Yuta stared at the man for a moment, trying to piece together the information. Prince Jaejoong had taken it upon himself to rid the family… 

There was a gasp. Yuta realized it was he who let out the sound. He stared at Prince Jaejoong, wide-eyed. “You…”

“I killed my brother,” Prince Jaejoong announced. There was a sense of pride in his voice that made Yuta’s body sway. He was going to faint. Prince Jaejoong continued anyway. “And do you know what happened to his children the moment I did that? Oh, let me tell you. The moment I killed my brother, his children no longer stood a chance. Yes, I am still in ninth in line for the throne, but do you think the Crown would go to any of those children? It would be years before they’re of age, and Lady Boa would not be able to stand in as Queen Regent for them. So, in reality, I am fourth in line. Do you know who stands in my way?”

Yuta didn’t answer.

“Two people.” Prince Jaejoong let out a laugh. “My sister’s sweet Hayoon and precious Taeyong. Hayoon’s son isn’t of any importance given his young age and it’s not like any children you and Taeyong might’ve had would be seen as rightful heirs to the Crown. My sister’s children have always seen me as a brother. I grew up with Hayoon. We’re close in age and she confides in me. And as for Taeyong… he has a great deal of respect for me. He’s come to me for guidance. They’d never expect such a thing.”

Yuta pushed himself off the bed and stumbled across the small cell. He wrapped his fingers around the cell bars in front of Prince Jaejoong. He leaned in, feeling the cool bars graze his cheeks. “You wouldn’t dare,” he said. His sounded furious, his voice filled with hatred and scorn. “You wouldn’t dare!”

Prince Jaejoong looked surprised for a moment as he stepped back but he quickly regained his composure. He glared at Yuta. “I’d be willing to spare your husband,” he said, voice low. “But such a thing doesn’t come without a heavy price.”

“What do you want me to do?” Yuta asked.

Desperation. It was desperation that overtook Yuta’s senses.

Something to save Taeyong. Anything to save Taeyong.

“He’s charged with conspiracy against the Crown and protecting a citizen of the West Empire,” Prince Jaejoong offered quietly. He looked over Yuta, starting from his feet and moving up to his face. He met his eyes. “As it stands, there is one charge against you and it is not enough to warrant execution. The sentence being suggested is life imprisonment. The sentence for Taeyong’s two charges is execution. If those charges were to be moved to someone else, the Queen would have no choice but to leave him alone.”

Yuta’s heart stopped for a second as he took in the information. “You want me to take Taeyong’s charges as my own?”

“Well, aren’t you smart?” Prince Jaejoong looked away pensively. “If my dear nephew was forced to protect you, the threat would not lie in him, but you and you alone. There would be no one else to blame but you. Unlawful entry and residence to the Southern Kingdom, conspiracy against the Crown, and coercion of and threat to a royal family member…” He looked back at Yuta, meeting his eyes. “All of this being nothing more than a cynical game you were playing… Deceit and betrayal against those that love you for your gain… Well, there would be no one else’s life to take but yours.”

It took a minute. Yuta took a deep breath.

Growing up, Yuta’s parents had made sacrifices for the good of their children. Yuta had learned through them what it meant to protect his family. There had been many times when he had stood in front of his sisters and taken the punishment so they wouldn’t have to receive it. He fought tirelessly to take the brunt of the damage when his parents’ names were dragged through the mud.

Yuta knew that Taeyong was also a person that would do something like that. Taeyong had proudly said he’d give his life for Yuta.

But Taeyong wasn’t the only one who’d give his life for someone he loved.

“I understand,” he said firmly. “And you won’t hurt him?”

“I can assure you that Taeyong will remain well and alive. He’ll be stripped of his titles and assets, but he’d still be taken care of for the rest of his life.” Prince Jaejoong smiled. “I am a man of my word, Nakamoto Yuta.”

Yuta’s blood ran cold at the sound of the name. No one but his family knew the name. How Prince Jaejoong had found out, Yuta didn’t know. He stood frozen, eyes wide. He didn’t even follow Prince Jaejoong as he began to move towards the door.

“The surprises will keep coming,” Prince Jaejoong said, stopping by the door. He looked over his shoulder at Yuta, still frozen in place. “No one must ever know.”

And with that, Prince Jaejoong slipped out of the room and into the dark, like a phantom of the night. 

Moments later, the guard from earlier came back and returned to his position.

Yuta let go of the cell bars and stumbled backward until the backs of his knees hit the mattress.

He thought he had cried all the tears possible, but they were there in his eyes now. He began to cry, feeling ashamed and embarrassed since the guard was still there, but he couldn’t hold it back. He cursed the Heavens out loud, his proclamations echoing in the concrete box he was trapped in. He cried Taeyong’s name and begged for forgiveness.

If Taeyong knew what Yuta had just done… If Taeyong knew that Yuta had promised to give his life for his, he would never forgive him.

* * *

Yuta spent the entire next day in bed.

The day he had longed for had finally come. With Prince Jaejoong’s departure, the day had dragged on and taken the last bit of faith he held in his hands. And as the sun fell and the moon rose to show her beauty, Yuta slept.

It had been dreamless. He didn’t see his parents, he didn’t hear Taeyong’s voice. Instead, he felt the claws of the upcoming day grab at him, digging themselves into his skin, piercing the flesh until they had him well within their hold, never to let go again. He heard Prince Jaejoong’s calm voice, calling his name until he woke.

The sun, in all her glory, was sitting upon the horizon and his room was bathed in the softest light from it. Yuta waited. He waited for the pain to come, but it didn’t. His arms were weak, but not enough to ache anymore. His neck and back no longer hurt. His body had gotten used to the mattress, just like that.

When the heaviness in his chest didn’t arrive, Yuta felt something like relief. He let out a long sigh, feeling light and free. He looked towards the pieces of his heart and saw that they had been swept up and to the side to be forgotten. He didn’t dare reach for them. If he did, he knew the pain would come back tenfold and it would only make the remaining days of Yuta’s life harder to bear.

So Yuta lay in bed, numb from everything. He ran his fingertips along the concrete wall and barely felt the coolness of it. He scratched at his skin until it reddened and threatened to break, but the pain didn’t register in his mind.

Nothing. He felt nothing.

He stared up at the ceiling, trying to find shapes in the concrete but grew bored quickly. He turned his head to the side and looked at the guard standing outside his cell. He had come just as the sun completely rose, bringing Yuta’s sad breakfast.

He was facing away from Yuta. He studied the back of his head.

Again, there was a familiarity to the guard. Yuta thought about it for about an hour, trying to recall some time in the last eleven months when he had spoken to this guard or interacted with him. There wasn’t anything that stood out.

When he turned to collect Yuta’s breakfast, Yuta studied his thin face. He had a large nose and small lips. His eyes were large and round. His forehead was wide, thick eyebrows over his eyes. His jaw came down to a sharply pointed chin.

He briefly looked up and Yuta met his eyes. The guard looked away quickly. Yuta saw the tension build in his shoulders as he collected the coffee and bread, standing up and keeping his eyes on the ground. He walked out of sight and Yuta was left with nothing.

There was something about the guard. Yuta swore it.

He heard the creak of the door and expected to see the guard, but it was not him who appeared before the cell bars. He looked towards the cell bars and gasped.

It couldn’t be.

“Taeyong,” Yuta said, voice barely above a whisper.

He looked unreal, yet too real at the same time. Yuta grew anxious.

He remembered Prince Jaejoong’s words. _The surprises will keep coming._

Was this the surprise Prince Jaejoong had in store for Yuta? What else could there be for him?

Taeyong was dressed in a very simple suit. He had always preferred simplicity. But this suit was almost… too simple. It reminded Yuta of the worn-out garments that his mother patched together for him in his childhood. It was a dull color and void of any adornments. It looked a little big on Taeyong’s frame.

But perhaps the suit was the right size and it was Taeyong who had gotten too small for it. Yuta’s wide eyes followed the line of Taeyong’s jaw, taking in his hollow cheekbones and sad eyes. His lips were cracked and broken. When Taeyong grabbed the cell bars, Yuta saw how thin his wrists had become. His complexion looked like it was drained. There was no color to him. He looked white as a sheet.

It had only been eleven days and Taeyong had changed so much. There was nothing left. Yuta searched and searched but found nothing that remained from the Taeyong he loved so dearly.

Yuta reached towards the pieces of his broken heart, wanting to feel something, but an invisible hand slapped him away. He could only look at Taeyong with tears in his eyes, but he felt nothing. Where his heart was supposed to sit was a space and a numb ache that he couldn’t feel entirely. 

He wondered if Taeyong could feel it. It looked like he was going through every emotion possible. In mere seconds, he had looked confused, relieved, happy, and then terribly sad. He looked so sad, it made a hole in Yuta’s chest grow and expand exponentially.

What had they done to him?

“Yuta,” Taeyong said. His voice was hoarse and he sounded defeated. There were tears in his eyes. “Yuta.” 

The pieces of Yuta’s broken heart came closer, threatening to pierce his skin and make him cry for mercy. But Yuta moved away from them.

He pushed himself off the bed and walked towards the cell bars. He stood before Taeyong. He kept enough space between them that if Taeyong reached inside, he wouldn’t be able to touch him.

Taeyong tried anyway. He weakly reached out and his fingers came close to closing around the front of Yuta’s dirty coat. Yuta held his breath as Taeyong tried once again. Another attempt later and Taeyong pulled his hand back, closing his thin fingers around the bar once more.

“I’ve been…” Taeyong licked his lips. “I’ve been waiting to see you.”

Yuta bit down on his bottom lip. He gnawed at it until he felt it break and tasted the blood on the tip of his tongue. “Well, you’ve seen me,” he said. His voice was hoarse, from the days of crying and not speaking to anyone.

“I’m being held on the other side of the prison.” Taeyong’s eyes moved over Yuta’s face slowly, focusing on each part of his face. “I’m alone.”

Yuta tried not to react. 

For days, Taeyong had only been on the other side of the building. Yuta had cried and screamed until he no longer could, unaware that Taeyong wasn’t too far away. He wondered if Taeyong had done the same thing, locked away in his cell.

“Why did they let you come see me?”

“Prince Jaejoong has gotten Queen Sora to allow me to visit you. There are about five guards right outside that door. It’s not closed entirely. They can hear everything we say.”

Yuta almost laughed at the absurdity. What was Prince Jaejoong trying to do?

Allowing Yuta to see Taeyong one last time, and in such a devastating state at that… it was a cruel punishment. The memories he had of Taeyong, bright and happy, were going to be replaced with this one. The last time they saw each other, weak and frail, on the brink of death. It would haunt Yuta like no other thing ever had.

“I say you’ve seen enough,” Yuta said, trying to keep his voice firm. He looked away from Taeyong. He took a few measured breaths, eyes closed. “I want you to go now.”

If Taeyong looked so terrible, Yuta could only wonder how he looked. He knew that not eating had taken its toll on him quickly. His clothes were ill-fitting already and he could begin to see the boniness of his fingers when he looked at them. He hadn’t properly bathed since he was imprisoned, only having the washbasin and a small handkerchief to clean himself with. He felt revolting.

Yuta never wanted Taeyong to see him like this. It made him feel ashamed.

“I won’t leave. You cannot tell me to.” Despite his weak state, Taeyong’s voice was suddenly strong and demanding. This was Prince Taeyong now, who commanded respect from those around him. “I won’t go.”

“If this is the last you see of me―”

“If this is the last I see of you, at least I’d be able to say that it was you I saw in my dying moments,” Taeyong interrupted. “Because I am a dying man. My sentence has been passed and I will receive it tomorrow afternoon.”

Yuta looked at Taeyong, eyes narrowed. “What?”

“I’m to be executed come noon tomorrow,” Taeyong said. His voice did not waver and his gaze did not break. He had long accepted his fate. “It was my dying wish to see you. A wish that the Queen couldn’t even deny me.”

Fool, Yuta wanted to tell him. You fool, you’re not dying tomorrow. Yuta bit down harder on his lip. “If this is the last you see of me,” he repeated, taking a step closer, “Then I hope that it was enough.”

“It could never be enough for me,” Taeyong said. “There is not enough time in the world for me to say goodbye, to hold you or kiss you like I once did.” 

He reached out again and this time, Yuta was close enough that he managed to clutch at Yuta’s coat. He pulled him close and Yuta didn’t fight back. He felt numb as Taeyong delicately traced along his jaw, moved the pad of his thumb over Yuta’s hollow cheeks.

“I’ll live my last day with you in my mind.” Now, his voice broke. He held Yuta’s face in his hand and Yuta couldn’t help but lean into the touch, eyes fluttering shut. The Taeyong in his dreams could not compare to the real Taeyong before him. “And I’ll pray that you are forgiven for mistakes you did not commit.”

Something in Yuta snapped and his eyes shot open. He reached up and carefully pulled Taeyong’s hand away from him. “No,” he said, voice weak. “No.”

Yuta had promised. Taeyong would not die for the crimes he failed to commit.

“Yuta?”

“You won’t die,” Yuta said, taking a step back. He looked Taeyong in the eyes. “You will not.”

“It’s too late for that now, Yuta. The Queen has already sentenced me and the preparations have been made. I’m going to―”

“It’s not the truth,” Yuta interrupted harshly.

His breathing grew heavy. Taeyong looked confused.

Your uncle killed him, Yuta wanted to say. He wanted to confess what he had been told. Your uncle killed him and he would kill you, too. He’d kill you, too, if it weren’t for me. 

_No one must know._

He brought a hand up to his chest. He couldn’t breathe. He looked at Taeyong.

“You don’t know the truth, but it will come out,” Yuta said breathlessly.

_All of this being nothing more than a cynical game you were playing…_

“Yuta, what are you talking about?”

_There would be no one else’s life to take but yours._

Yuta felt himself begin to shake, realization slowing coming over him.

_A cynical game…_

With Taeyong in front of him, he was beginning to understand.

_Deceit and betrayal…_

“Yuta, are you all right?”

_No one else’s life to take but yours…_

The entire day Yuta had felt numb and now he understood. He knew why today had been the day that buried its filthy claws into him and drained him of the ability to feel anything but the numbness that had taken over his mind and body.

If Yuta wasn’t feeling numb, he wouldn’t be able to look Taeyong in the eyes and break his heart.

He understood it all now. He could not do this while loving Taeyong while having Taeyong believe that Yuta loved him. It would only hurt them both more than what was necessary.

He braced himself and prepared his words in his mind.

He looked at Taeyong’s face. The last thing he’d see of him.

Taeyong had asked if it would’ve been better if they had never married. But Yuta never would’ve had it any other way. He was so sure that Taeyong was the greatest love of his life. He’d never look at anyone in the same way. But if Taeyong believed that Yuta was not the person he thought he was… letting go of him would be easier.

Yuta would spare him the endless pain now. He would settle for a lifetime of hatred than have Taeyong suffer the sadness.

“None of it was true,” Yuta said. He clenched his jaw and his hands turned into fists at his sides. “Everything was a lie, Your Royal Highness.”

Taeyong looked thoroughly confused now. There were questions in his eyes. Questions on the tip of his tongue, mouth parted and ready to ask, but Yuta gave him no time.

“Anyone like me knows it,” he continued, not flinching or turning away when Taeyong looked at him with a broken expression. “A large sum of money, land in my name, expensive clothes and private parties… to be wanted by someone like you… I could never ask for more.”

He didn’t mean any of it. He had never wanted anything more than what he had. And even when he had those things in his grasp, he never wanted them. He could never want any of those more than he wanted Taeyong.

Saying those words felt like venom on his tongue, but Yuta would swallow the venom if it meant Taeyong never had to.

“Yuta, you don’t mean that,” Taeyong whispered. His bottom lip quivered. “That’s not how you feel.”

“It is.” Yuta broke eye contact. If he continued to look at Taeyong, he would break. And he couldn’t break now. He stared down at his feet. “I say you leave now, Your Royal Highness.”

“That’s not how you feel,” Taeyong repeated, voice louder. “You damn liar.”

Yuta looked up. Tears streaked Taeyong’s face.

“You lied to me this entire time?”

He said nothing. He turned away, moving back towards his bed. He heard the creak of the door and then Taeyong’s protests, growing fainter and fainter as he was pulled out.

The guard did not come back in to take his position.

Yuta was glad. 

He felt the sharp shards in his palms and on the bottoms of his feet. The day that took away the pain let go and the invisible arms of pain wrapped around him, like a mother taking her crying child into her arms. The pain from them crawled up each of his limbs, excruciatingly slow before settling into the space where his heart should have been. 

He had stomped all over what was left of his heart in the corner and then he had taken Taeyong’s and done the same. He had tried to pick them up, but it was useless. 

He spent the rest of the day picking the pieces out of his palms with tears in his eyes.

* * *

The guards let Yuta walk without grabbing him, but he was surrounded. He followed the one in front of him and when he pushed open a door that led to the outside, Yuta cowered back.

It had been twelve days since Yuta had seen the sun in her entirety and the rays were too strong for him. He was blinded momentarily and he panicked, feeling his breathing grow heavy and his legs shake.

The guard behind him pushed him forward, making him stumble. Yuta managed to catch himself before bumping into the one in front of him. He huffed under his breath, mentally cursing the guards, but he said nothing to them.

Once Yuta got used to the early morning light, he was able to look around the area. It looked like he was still on the palace grounds, but nowhere he had ever been before. There were wide gravel roads with carriages and horses being cleaned and groomed. Guards marching and chanting at one far end. The other end was blocked off by tall trees, towering high over the buildings.

They crossed the gravel road and entered the building across. Yuta didn’t spare a glance back at the place he had left. He kept his eyes forward.

When they entered the building, Yuta saw that it was decorated like the palace. But it was still not the palace Yuta knew. No maids were scurrying around or footmen waiting to tend to someone, but the further into the building they went, they began to appear.

They didn’t spare a look in Yuta’s direction. They kept their eyes to themselves, not even glancing towards the guards that surrounded him. Yuta saw the tension in one maid’s shoulders as she walked by them quickly, disappearing into a room. He noticed how two footmen stopped speaking the moment they turned the corner, standing upright with their eyes forward.

Whether they knew that it was Yuta or not, he didn’t know. But he imagined that they did.

The building they were in was small. They walked through the small hallways and soon, it opened up to a larger entrance. The guard in front pushed open the door and they all walked out.

They continued. 

Now, Yuta was beginning to recognize things.

The path they took was the path that led through the western gardens. He had walked through here many times. The flowers had fully bloomed. Marvelous roses and beautiful tulips, among other smaller flowers, lined the path. Yuta had no time to admire them.

Once they left the garden, they took the path that led to the back of the palace. Yuta looked ahead and saw it. The enormous palace that had intimidated him months ago towered before them. Despite its size, Yuta was not scared. He had gotten to know most of the palace like the back of his hand. He was no longer intimidated by it. If anything, it looked smaller to him now more than ever before.

They climbed the stairs and entered the palace. Little had changed.

They didn’t venture too far inside. The guards led him to a room right off the entrance that had come through.

The guards in front moved to the side and before Yuta could move, the guard behind him took him by the hair. Yuta gasped in pain, closing his eyes tightly as he felt the guard tighten his hold. His legs gave out from the surprise and he fell to his knees, barely managing to catch himself with his hands as he fell forward.

The man holding his hair pulled hard and lifted Yuta’s head. He opened his eyes and looked before him.

Five individuals sat at a long table before him.

In the center, Queen Sora. Her gaze was cold and distant, nothing like the person that Yuta had come to know. To her right sat Hayoon. She didn’t look at Yuta. Her hands were folded over the table and she kept her eyes forward. To Queen Sora’s left was Prince Jaejoong. He was smiling at Yuta.

The two individuals that sat on the ends of the table were older men that Yuta didn’t recognize. Perhaps judges or members of the court that served as such. People to witness what was about to happen.

The guard pulled Yuta’s hair again and he let out a pained wheeze, wanting to reach up and push the guard away. He didn’t.

“Yuta?”

Yuta tried to look to the side, but the guard had a tight hold on him. He couldn’t turn but he knew who had called his name. It was Taeyong. Taeyong was there, somewhere off to the side. Yuta almost panicked again.

Of course, they would have Taeyong here to witness this. It was cruel. Taeyong would see Yuta be sentenced to death by his family members. Prince Jaejoong had no mercy for them.

“Let him go,” Prince Jaejoong said loudly.

The hand holding onto his hair let go and Yuta let out a gasp for air, falling forward. He held himself up with his hands. He looked up and glared at Prince Jaejoong, who continued to smile down at him cordially.

Queen Sora’s voice pulled his attention away. His eyes shifted to her once she spoke. 

“Nakamoto Yuta, the charge brought against you is unlawful entry to and residence in the Southern Kingdom,” she said, reading from something in her hand. Her voice was measured and void of emotion. Her eyes flicked towards him but there was no mercy, no pity. “Is this correct?”

Yuta looked at Prince Jaejoong, who gave him a subtle nod. “Yes,” he said as calmly as possible. He cleared his throat. “And―”

“And?”

His attention returned to the Queen. She was frowning.

“Your Majesty,” Prince Jaejoong said gently, catching her attention, “I’m afraid that the investigation has more to it than what we initially thought.”

They all looked at Yuta.

He brought his forehead to the floor, feeling the rug against his forehead. He swallowed the lump in his throat and counted the seconds. He pushed himself up onto his feet, holding his hands behind his back.

“Conspiracy against the Crown―” Yuta took a deep breath and looked the Queen in the eyes, “And a threat to and coercion of royal family member, His Royal Highness, Prince Taeyong.”

Three distinct gasps echoed through the room. Yuta cast his eyes down to the floor. His eyes stung. He willed himself not to cry. He bit down on his dry, cracked bottom lip, tasting the blood immediately.

“Is that so…” The Queen cleared her throat. “In that case…”

He heard the legs of the chair scrape against the floor and her shoes click on the wooden boards beneath. Yuta did not look back up. He closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths.

“Princess Hayoon,” he heard her say. Her voice remained calm but there was a slight waver to it. Yuta felt he must have been imagining it. She sounded far away now, from somewhere behind Yuta. “What is the sentence?”

From the side, Taeyong cried out weakly. “No… Yuta…”

“Death, ma’am,” Hayoon’s hollow voice sounded through the room.

“And Prince Taeyong?” Queen Sora asked.

“Sentence withheld until further notice, ma’am.”

He chanced a glance up and caught Prince Jaejoong's gaze. He was smiling and his eyes were twinkling with pure delight. It disgusted Yuta to the bottom of his stomach.

Yuta felt four hands grab onto him. He heard the door open, the Queen’s shoes fading away as she walked out of the room. Yuta was pulled out of the room, head now hung low. He ignored Taeyong’s cries and curses as the door closed behind him.

He felt the bile rise in his throat but he swallowed it down, hard. It hurt. He let out a displeased grunt and the guard to his left pulled him roughly.

“Shut your mouth,” he said, voice harsh.

Today hadn’t taken anything from him. Instead, he had been gifted with something.

He felt the hatred crawl all over his skin, down to the tips of his fingers and deep into his chest. He clenched his jaw as the guards held onto him tighter, digging their fingers into his arms. He clenched his hands into fists. As much as he tried to relax, he couldn’t.

The frustration built inside him and threatened to explode. He couldn’t believe it.

He had been lied to, hadn’t he? 

Prince Jaejoong had tricked him. Yuta had taken Taeyong’s charges as his own, but Taeyong would still face severe punishment. They’d kill Yuta and then they’d kill Taeyong, too.

There was no mercy or pity. Ruthless, they were ruthless. The red hot feeling coursed through his body, making the hair stand on his skin, burning him up.

His hair fell over his eyes and he tried shaking it out, but it only fell back into place. He didn’t dare ask if he could be let go to push it back. As angered as he was, his fear still stood stronger and taller. The initial anger he felt soon gave way to fear and he felt that bite into him, freezing him up.

Was he scared of dying?

There wasn’t anything else he feared most.

He was only twenty-five years old. He hadn’t lived yet.

There were so many things he still wanted to do. He wanted to bring his child home and hold him in his arms. He wanted to learn about the world around him. He wanted to see his parents once more. He wanted to meet his sister’s child. He wanted to grow old with the person he loved.

Millions and millions of things that he wanted to do, and he wouldn’t be able to do any of them.

He had always dreamed of living until he was too old to even walk. He wanted to see his children grow, marry, and have their children. He’d spoil his grandchildren to no end, but he wouldn’t be the only one. He would have had Taeyong beside him, giving them all they could dream of.

He wanted to spend summer days in the sun and winter nights by the fire. He had imagined Taeyong beside him, old and gray but still excited to see everything before them. They’d go together, for the rest of their lives. He knew that it would end with them together.

But this was the end for them. They didn’t get to have thirty, forty, fifty more years together.

They only got this one.

Nearly one year together.

Yuta hadn’t looked at Taeyong’s face. He was torn between half-relief and half-regret. He was relieved that he would never have the image of Taeyong in tears, crying out for him, haunting him for the little time he had left. But he regretted not having looked…

How had he forgotten so quickly?

It seemed as though he couldn’t remember the exact details of Taeyong’s face. What color were his eyes exactly? And the curve of his jaw… how was that? What was the shape of the small scar beside his right eye? 

Yuta felt himself struggle to remember the little things.

He was pulled away from his thoughts when the guards pushed open a door and Yuta was exposed to the shining sun once again. He looked up at the sun, feeling her warmth on his face. He closed his eyes and relished in the moment. One of the last moments he would have.

For a second, he remembered Taeyong, sitting in the garden under the spring sun, speaking about bringing home a baby with sparkling eyes and rosy cheeks. The sweetest smile… the warmest gaze… the gentlest voice… 

When he opened his eyes, he looked in front of him.

Prince Taeyong was to be executed. The preparations were being made right there, in front of him. But it would not be the prince that stood there now. It would be Yuta.

The guards pulled him into a different building and pushed him into a small room with nothing but the door they let him through. He fell onto his knees, feeling them drag against cobblestone underneath him, pain shooting up to his thigh.

All he could do now was wait.

Wait for the end.

* * *

The sun was sitting at the highest point in her journey through the sky when Yuta was finally pulled out of the room and back outside.

The gallows had been arranged in the center of the four buildings, and around it, a large group of people waiting to see the hanging. They were dressed in their afternoon attire, chittering about like it was nothing. Yuta heard twinkling laughs and saw bright smiles.

He felt a knot form in the bottom of his stomach and his entire body tensed up.

“Move,” the guard on his right said, shoving him forcefully.

Yuta stumbled but the guards did not let him fall, grabbing him before he could hit the floor and pulling him up. He tried to get his footing but the guards continued moving forward, simply dragging him along. The chattering of the spectators quieted down and they all looked towards Yuta with curious eyes.

He was dragged up the stairs. There, the executioner stood with a blank expression on his face. He was an older gentleman that Yuta had never seen. That he should’ve never seen. He gave a nod of greeting to Yuta, but Yuta couldn’t bring himself to do or say anything. He was about to die and the executioner still had the gall to give Yuta a silent greeting like that.

The guards placed Yuta over the trap door and someone else carefully brought the noose over his head. He felt the rope tighten the slightest bit around his neck. Someone pulled his hands behind his back and wrapped another rope around them. 

His breath caught in his throat.

He kept his eyes to the sky. He saw the bright blue that painted the sky, the soft white of the clouds that dotted across it. And then he closed his eyes.

Behind his eyelids, he saw his parents. He saw his mother and father just how he had left them, telling him to come back home soon. He saw his sisters dressed in the clothes prepared by the palace for them, dancing in the gardens with the most delighted expressions.

He tried to imagine Momoka with a child in her arms. The child had no face as it was buried against her bosom, but he heard the cries that came from it. Soft and small whines that Momoka hushed.

And then he saw Taeyong. He saw Taeyong with a child in his arms as well. Yuta felt his heart swell with love for them.

All of them. He loved all of them dearly.

He heard the footsteps of the people around him fade away. It was only him on the trap door. He prepared himself, putting his weight down on both his feet. He straightened up and released the breath he had been holding in.

It was time.

He heard someone speak. He tuned out their words and instead, tried to imagine Taeyong one last time, his family one last time.

“I’ll be here to defend you, help you… love you,” he heard in his mind.

Taeyong had always been the kindest person, the most caring and gentle. 

He loved fiercely and bravely. And Yuta admired him for it. 

Taeyong had brought out the best in everyone he knew, and when Yuta met him, Taeyong did just that as well. He had managed to pry open the doors that Yuta had locked tightly, coming into Yuta’s heart and making himself a beautiful home there, taking care of Yuta’s heart with the utmost care and sensitivity. 

“I’d would never not choose you, Yuta. No matter the options, I’d always go to you. I am yours, only yours, in the same way you are mine.”

Mine to love, mine to protect. 

Yuta had repeated the vows without meaning, but if he could say them again, he would say them with all the love and passion that he held in his hands for Taeyong, offering himself wholly and completely.

Always mine.

Yuta opened his eyes and felt the tears run down his cheeks. He looked up to the sky again.

So many times, Taeyong had said he loved Yuta. And not once had Yuta been able to say the words back.

Yuta held back a cry.

He knew it was time.

Just as he prepared himself to fall through the trap door, a loud resounding shot sounded through the sky and he jumped back in surprise, feeling the rope around his throat tighten as the ringing continued to sound through the air. He gasped for air and he itched to reach for the noose, but his hands were tied.

He moved back over the trap door and took in a deep breath as he felt the noose go back to its original position. He felt the rope rub against his skin harshly, burning.

Another shot sounded, but this time it was closer. Another wave of ringing overwhelmed his hearing and he felt nearly blinded by it. He was blinded with fear as well.

And then another shot. It was right behind him. Shivers ran down his spine and he felt his entire body tense up, waiting for a certain fate. He closed his eyes again, taking a few deep breaths. The ringing continued, blocking the sound out of anything else.

One more. There was one more. It was muffled. Yuta’s legs nearly gave out, but he felt the noose around his neck tighten as he began to let go and he willed his legs to keep him upright. He could be a dead man even without the trap door beneath his feet giving way. 

No, he thought. He would be a dead man.

Once the ringing in Yuta’s ears died down a bit, he could hear the screams. Everyone began to scatter. Yuta wanted to turn but couldn’t. He opened his eyes and looked down. He watched as the spectators ran away from where he was. He felt panic seep into his bones.

And his blood ran cold the second he felt cold metal against his cheek.

“W―”

“Yuta, it’s me,” a voice whispered right by his ear. He felt the person’s lips hovering right by his earlobe. “I’m here for you.”

He recognized the voice.

Taeil. It was Taeil.

Yuta let out a deep breath. The coolness of the metal wasn’t as threatening now. He felt the noose around his neck loosen and then the barrel that rested on his cheek moved away as Taeil lifted the noose over Yuta’s head.

“Let me get your hands,” Taeil said. His voice sounded muffled to Yuta’s ears as if the layer of ringing from the gunshots was blanketing his words.

He felt Taeil reach for his hands and the rope around it. It was a minute before he was free from the restrictions. Yuta brought his hands in front of him and looked at the raw skin around his wrists. It was red and in some parts, he could see that it was threatening to break and bleed. He gingerly touched one of his wrists and felt the sting of the burn.

“Let’s go,” Taeil said, voice still hiding underneath the ringing.

Yuta turned and grabbed Taeil’s wrist weakly. “Where?” he asked. His voice sounded muffled in his ears, too. He stared at him for a second. “Why?”

“I will explain, but we have to go,” Taeil said. He looked around with wide eyes. “Before they come and find us still here.”

Taeil quickly pulled his wrist out of Yuta’s grasp and held onto Yuta’s forearm. Then he pulled him. 

Yuta stumbled behind him, still dazed and confused. The ringing from the gunshots in his ears wouldn’t go away. He heard the faint sound of yelling and screaming. Taeil was also speaking, but Yuta couldn’t make out a word he was saying. He looked at Taeil’s hand, holding onto his wrist, and saw double. His eyes trailed up to Taeil’s back and he couldn’t help but think that there were three different Taeils in front of him and he wasn’t sure which was the real one.

“Taeil,” Yuta said. “I don’t believe I’m okay.”

They stopped on the stairs of the gallows. Taeil looked at him for a second. He was worried. Yuta knew all of Taeil’s expressions. The slight frown, the eyebrows pulled together, the small wrinkle in between them, the wide eyes―Yuta knew that expression well.

“Yuta, do you want to sit?” Taeil asked. From his facial expression, Yuta could see he was speaking louder than normal. Yuta heard him almost as clear as day. “Or can you walk?”

“Where are we going?”

Yuta felt like a lost child. He looked around and saw the spectators still clamoring to get inside. He saw palace guards coming out of seemingly nowhere, their guns were drawn. Panic began to bubble in the bottom of his stomach. He looked back at Taeil.

He was sure he looked like a lost child.

“Taeil?”

Instead of answering, Taeil quickly brought Yuta into his arms, embracing him tightly. He was saying something, but Yuta couldn’t hear him. He wanted to pull back and try to read Taeil’s lips, but Taeil was much stronger than he looked.

Then, Yuta felt Taeil’s lips brush against his ear lobe. “We’re going to find Taeyong.”

Yuta used all his strength to pull back and he stared at Taeil with wide eyes. “He’s alive, still?”

Taeil had a very sympathetic expression painted over his face. “He is.”

“Take me to him,” Yuta said. He reached out and clawed at the front of Taeil’s coat, holding onto it as tight as he could. He was aware of how desperate he sounded, but he couldn’t find anything in him that cared. He had to see Taeyong. “Take me to him.”

He had spent hours waiting to be brought out and killed. He had accepted his fate. He wasn’t sure why, but he had felt an odd sense of calm overcome him in those hours. He had confessed his sins and asked the Heavens for forgiveness. He asked that they take care of his family once he was gone. He had made amends with the things that haunted him and let go of anything that was weighing down on his chest.

But then he had remembered Taeyong. Taeyong’s sentence had been declared invalid and a new one would take its place in time. They would most likely commute his sentence.

Prince Taeyong did not commit the crimes he was accused of. He had unknowingly helped Yuta, at least in the eyes of his mother and sister. They would have to give him something lesser than death.

But there was a sinking feeling that someone in the family would fight against it. 

Death is what the prince deserved. Yuta had been tricked into believing that Taeyong would be fine when Prince Jaejoong was going to make sure that wasn’t the case at all. Taeyong had to be dead for him to succeed. Getting rid of Yuta would be a bonus.

Taeil grabbed Yuta’s hands and pried them away from the front of his coat. “We’ll find him,” he said.

Together, they went down the rest of the steps to the ground and Taeil pulled Yuta along. He could still hear the ringing in his ears and it felt like his head was able to explode, but he continued. He gathered all of his strength and pushed forward. He had to make it.

They reached the doors to one of the buildings and Taeil pushed them open. They flew back and hit the walls, resulting in a loud slam that made Yuta wince, but they kept going.

The building was unfamiliar to Yuta, but Taeil seemed to know where he was going. He pulled Yuta into a small break in the walls and Yuta saw a small door, just a bit taller than them. Taeil pushed it open and pulled Yuta inside.

It was a hidden passage, small candles lining the wall every few meters. Taeil had taken Yuta through them here and there, but Yuta didn’t know each hidden passage within the palace. It was not his business to know. Only the palace staff used them to move around the large grounds.

It was dark, but Taeil was confident in where he was going. Yuta placed a hand on the wall to his left and the other was holding Taeil’s hand. They moved slower, quieter.

The ringing in Yuta’s ears seemed to subside. He heard their footsteps and the sound of his hard breathing clearly in his ears.

“Here,” Taeil said, stopping.

Yuta looked around and in the dim light of the nearest candles, he saw the bottom of a staircase. He couldn’t see where it led to. It was completely dark on the way up, it looked like.

“We have to,” Taeil said. It was like he sensed Yuta’s hesitance because he gave Yuta’s hand a reassuring squeeze and tugged. “Trust me, Yuta.”

They climbed the stairs at a slow pace. It felt like they had been going up forever, but it was only about a few minutes. Yuta felt his knees begin to ache and they had to go even slower so he could bring his feet up onto each step.

“We’re going to Hayoon’s rooms,” Taeil said after a moment.

Yuta stopped and looked towards where Taeil should be. There was no light here so all Yuta saw was black, but he was sure that Taeil’s face was somewhere there, where he was staring. “What?’ he asked, voice shaking. “Why? Taeil, no. I can’t―”

“Yuta,” Taeil said.

“No, Taeil, you don’t understand,” Yuta said. He tried to push Taeil’s hand off his forearm, but Taeil was holding on tight. “She, she… if she sees me, I―I can’t go there. I can’t be there.”

“Yuta!” Taeil let out a loud sigh. Yuta could hear him moving but he couldn’t see him. It only added to his panic. “Yuta, trust me. Trust me. I would never do anything to hurt you.”

Yuta couldn’t see him. He didn’t know if Taeil looked sincere, but he sounded sincere, and Yuta had never trusted anyone more than he had Taeil. 

“Okay,” he said. “Okay.”

He took a deep breath and squeezed Taeil’s hand. Taeil squeezed back.

They continued in the dark. Yuta’s eyes got used to the feeling. The ringing in his ears faded to a slight hum that he could easily ignore. He heard the sound of their shoes against the stone steps beneath them and their breathing, growing heavier and heavier the longer they went. 

Eventually, Taeil stopped, letting go of Yuta’s hands. Yuta grasped at the air, trying to find it again, but felt nothing in front of him, no matter how far out he extended his arms.

“Yuta,” Taeil’s voice rang from his other side. “I’m right here. Close your eyes. I’m opening the door.”

Yuta closed his eyes as Taeil said. He brought his hand over them as well. “There,” he said.

He heard Taeil grunt as he pushed open a heavy sounding door. It didn’t give way right away. From what he could hear, it sounded like it took a moment before Taeil was able to swing it open, the door creaking loudly as it flung open.

Yuta slowly removed his hand from over his eyes and opened one eye. The light that filtered into the dark passageway was blinding. Yuta covered his eyes once more, peering through the spaces between his fingers with both eyes now.

He blinked a few times, adjusting to the light. He followed Taeil into the room.

Yuta had never been inside Hayoon’s room. He had never even stepped foot into the Princess’s wing. He wasn’t sure what he expected it to look like. He knew that Hayoon wasn’t a young princess, so having a room that reflected that would not be appropriate.

She was a grown married woman, and it seemed like the bedchamber showed that. The panels on the walls had the gold detailing that every room in the palace had, but the color of the panels themselves was beautiful mahogany. The ceiling had a large painting depicting angels sitting on clouds in the sky.

But the room was not clean or tidy. 

It looked like someone had gone through the room and tried to take it down from top to bottom. The chairs were on their side. The vases had been pushed off the tables, shattered on the floor, the water puddling around and the flowers laying amongst it all. Books had been taken off the shelves and strewn about the floor.

“What has happened here?” Yuta asked.

He looked at the fireplace and his eyes drifted to what hung above it. A large painting of a family of three. A mother, a father, and a child. The smiles on the parents’ faces looked haunting and the look in the eyes of the child was eerie. Yuta recognized the people within the painting, but he felt like he didn’t know them at all.

“Something has gone wrong,” Taeil said, walking further into the room. He stepped over books and broken glass. “Someone was here, and I do not think it was Princess Hayoon or her husband.”

Yuta looked around once more.

He agreed.

It couldn’t have been Hayoon. She had always presented herself as very put together and in control of her emotions. There had been many times where Yuta had witnessed events that should’ve made her upset, but she handled them with such grace and calmness, it left him in awe.

Of course, he didn’t know what happened behind closed doors in this part of the palace. Hayoon could’ve been someone completely different. She had shown the way she was able to distance herself from the person Yuta knew quite well.

He heard her voice echo in his mind. 

_Death, ma’am._

There had been nothing of the Hayoon that Yuta knew in those words.

Yuta moved further into the room. He stepped around a vase. It was missing a large part of it, but it seemed to still be mostly intact, surrounded by the parts of it that broke off when it fell. Pretty flowers were at his feet. Yuta almost reached down to pick them up but froze when he heard a noise.

“Get in,” he heard from behind the door.

He looked towards Taeil, who didn’t look panicked at all. Taeil looked towards the door, almost expectantly. It opened and Yuta held his breath.

He almost choked when he saw who it was that passed through the doorway. It was Taeyong, and behind him, Dongyoung. Yuta nearly fell to his knees in surprise. He let out a deep breath.

“Taeil,” he called out, feeling dizzy.

Taeil looked at him and he must’ve looked faint because Taeil moved towards him quickly, taking his arm and leading him to the sofa. “Sit, Yuta,” he said, helping him down.

“Yuta,” Taeyong said. He hurried over, gently pushing Taeil aside to kneel in front of Yuta. He took Yuta’s face into his hands. “Yuta? Yuta, look at me, please.”

Yuta was dazed. He met Taeyong’s eyes, big, round, and filled with worry. It did not feel real. He blinked a few times. Taeyong patted his cheek a few times.

“Yuta, no,” he said. “Stay awake, stay with me. Yuta, don’t close your eyes.”

He couldn’t help it. It was too much. Taeyong turned into four Taeyongs and black spots were blurring his vision. He felt like he was swaying, on the verge of going unconscious. It couldn’t be real. Taeyong was not here in front of him.

Yuta had died.

He had died and this was all part of some sick afterlife experience he was being forced to have.

It all should’ve ended.

“Taeyong, is that you?” he managed to ask.

“It’s me,” Taeyong answered. He moved his hands to Yuta’s shoulders, squeezing tightly. “Yuta, no. Yuta, stay awake.”

“I can’t,” Yuta said. His voice wavered. The black spots dotting his vision were beginning to take over. He felt as though he was leaving his body. “I have to leave you now.”

“No, Yuta, don’t leave me,” he heard. Taeyong sounded desperate. Yuta tried to open his eyes wide but couldn’t. It’s like he was paralyzed. He felt Taeyong shake him carefully. “Don’t do this to me now. I just got you back. I did this to get you back to me. Yuta, stay with me.”

“I have to…” Yuta’s eyes closed before he could finish.

* * *

When Yuta woke up, he was no longer on the sofa, but on a bed. He quickly sat up when he realized he did not have any recollection of having woken up and moved, but he felt a dull ache in his head stopped him from panicking. He brought his hands up and clutched his head, eyes screwed shut. He felt the pounding against his palms.

It lessened after a moment and he took a deep breath. He opened his eyes, dropping his hands. This was still Hayoon’s room. At least, he thought so.

The curtains on the windows had been drawn, but the sky outside was dark. There were no candles lit around the room and there was no fire burning.

Yuta’s eyes adjusted to the faint light coming from the windows, the moon bathing part of the room in her gentle white light.

He looked to his side, hoping that he hadn’t imagined it.

A sigh escaped him when he saw a familiar silhouette laying there peacefully. He held his breath and listened intently. He heard the gentle snore Taeyong let out every other breath. It calmed Yuta down.

A familiar warmth beside him accompanied by a familiar sound. It pulled Yuta back down, kept his feet on the ground, holding him tightly. This was real. He hadn’t imagined anything. Taeyong, even while asleep, provided Yuta with reassurance and optimism that everything would be alright.

He lay back down, staring up at the canopy over the bed.

The feeling brought him back. It brought him back to a time where he and Taeyong lay together, on the odd nights that Taeyong fell asleep before Yuta did. Nights where Yuta stared up at the canopy over their shared bed, thinking about anything and everything that popped into his mind.

Most nights, Yuta had wondered about the day ahead. What he would do, what would happen, if he would have time to do this or that, or if he would receive a letter from his mother―he thought about common things.

But there had been nights where the most haunting thoughts came out of their hiding spots and made themselves known, baring sharp teeth and glowing red eyes. Those thoughts never let him sleep well, only following him into his dreams if ever managed to fall asleep.

Right now, laying in a bed that was not his, he felt those thoughts begin to come out of the shadows they lurked in, ready to reach out and take him to where they came from.

Something had happened. And it was not something good.

If they were still here and they had not been found by anyone, there was a problem. Yuta and Taeyong were supposed to be dead by now. They must be looking for them.

And any sensible person looking for them would have looked in every room, especially rooms that belonged to other family members. How had it been that no one had stumbled in Hayoon’s rooms and seen them?

Yuta knew that he had been unconscious for most of it. They hadn’t tried waking him up, at least he had never felt anyone try. They had even moved him from the sofa to the bed for him to rest. It was strange.

They had been calm enough to fall asleep. Knowing Taeyong, he would have never gone to sleep if there was something that could threaten them nearby. Taeyong would never allow it. He would be the first to suggest they leave and find someplace safer.

If he hadn’t, that mean Hayoon’s rooms were the safest place to stay in.

And that was not good.

Yuta tried to shake it off.

To ease his worries, he did something he had done a few times before. On nights where Yuta was feeling uneasy, he turned on his side and admired the person beside him. 

Calm, peaceful.

Taeyong looked even more beautiful as he slept, pale skin aglow with the soft moonlight that streamed in from the windows. And even though Taeyong’s cheeks were a bit more hollow and his skin marked with fading bruises and cuts, Yuta couldn’t help but think that he was beautiful.

He brought his hand up and reached out, fingertips hovering over Taeyong’s features. He didn’t touch; he just hovered, just enough to almost feel Taeyong’s warm skin but not enough to disturb him from his sleep. Like the saying went: so close, yet so far.

Yuta traced the gentle, soft lines that made Taeyong’s face a few times.

Suddenly, Taeyong’s eyes opened and Yuta pulled his hand back, bringing to his chest and holding it there. He held his breath, staring at Taeyong’s face. Taeyong blinked a few times, clearly still tired.

“Yuta?” he asked, voice heavy with drowsiness.

Yuta didn’t answer. He held onto his breath, not wanting to let go.

“Yuta?” Taeyong came closer. “You’re awake.”

“I am,” Yuta replied in the softest voice possible. He looked at Taeyong with wide eyes. “You’re alive.”

At this, Taeyong smiled. It looked unusual. Taeyong’s face was much thinner and he had dark circles underneath his eyes. His lips were cracked and broken. But Yuta could still see the Taeyong he knew. He was still there, underneath a thick layer of pain.

“I am,” Taeyong answered in a whisper. He brought his hand up, fingers hovering over Yuta’s cheeks. Yuta wanted to move closer, but he stayed in place. “I missed you.”

“I―”

“I know,” Taeyong interrupted. He finally touched Yuta, carefully tucking his hair behind his ear. His smile was a bit sadder this time around. “I love you.”

Yuta felt a bit dizzy. “I―”

Again, he was interrupted. “You don’t have to say anything,” Taeyong said.

“But I do,” Yuta answered. He took a deep breath. “I never meant what I said. I have never lied to you.”

“I know,” Taeyong said. He traced over Yuta’s cheekbones, down to his jaw, stopping at his chin. He met Yuta’s eyes. Something teasing, mischievous. “You’ve never been that good a liar.”

“Now is not the time to make jokes,” Yuta murmured, grabbing Taeyong by the wrist and pulling his hand away from his face. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Taeyong said.

He pulled his wrist out of Yuta’s hold and pressed his hand against Yuta’s. Taeyong’s hand was bigger than Yuta’s. Taeyong admired them for a moment before shifting his hand so that his fingers fell into the spaces between Yuta’s. He closed his fingers around Yuta’s hand and Yuta did as well, instinctively. Yuta met Taeyong’s eyes again.

“You sacrificed yourself.”

Taeyong’s words reminded Yuta of something that had been said long ago.

_We’re sacrificing ourselves to make up for the mistakes made by us._

Yuta let himself smile bitterly. “We sacrifice ourselves to repay the mistakes made by us,” he said.

He was sure that his words also reminded Taeyong of that conversation because his eyes widened just a bit. But instead of saying anything, Taeyong brought Yuta’s hand closer, bringing his lips to the back of it. A kiss. 

“Sacrificing yourself for the good of the kingdom?” Taeyong finally whispered against the back of Yuta’s palm.

Yuta remembered Taeyong’s answer to his words back then. He simply pulled his hand back, hiding a smile behind it as he moved away from Taeyong.

He felt thin arms snake around his waist, pulling him back. Warm lips hovered over his earlobe.

Whereas anyone else might’ve expected sweet words from their lover in a position like this, Yuta did not. The words Taeyong said sent chills down his back and made his blood go cold.

“We were both going to die today,” he whispered into Yuta’s ear.

“I know,” Yuta answered. He felt Taeyong tighten his arms around him. He moved back into his hold, pressing his back against Taeyong’s chest. He closed his eyes. “I had accepted my death.”

“And I, mine.”

There was silence.

Yuta’s hands found Taeyong’s once more. They were locked on his abdomen. He placed his smaller hands over Taeyong’s. Taeyong immediately grabbed onto Yuta’s hands. They stayed like that for a while.

“Had I known…” Taeyong finally began. “Had I known that you were going to do what you did, I would’ve never allowed it to happen.”

“I know,” Yuta answered. He let go of Taeyong’s hands and turned around in his hold. His hands came up to rest on Taeyong’s chest. Yuta felt Taeyong’s palms rest on his lower back. Yuta looked at Taeyong. “That’s why I said nothing. I already knew that I would take your charges. I knew when he―”

Yuta paused.

Taeyong frowned. “Who?” he asked. “Yuta, you knew when who what?”

Yuta blinked a few times. He felt his bottom lip quiver. “O-oh,” he stuttered, “I was never… no one was ever supposed to know.”

“What?” Taeyong didn’t sound upset or angry, but Yuta could feel that he was beginning to get a bit confused. “Yuta?”

“Prince Jaejoong…”

“My uncle,” Taeyong said firmly. “What did he do?”

Yuta felt fear. Even though he knew that they were safe for the moment, he didn’t know if it would last.

He was paranoid. Anyone could be watching and listening. And what would they do―what would _he_ do―if they found out Yuta had told Taeyong?

“Taeyong, I can’t tell you,” Yuta said with a shaking voice. He felt tears form in his eyes. “I can’t tell you.”

Taeyong’s expression changed very quickly.

He let go out Yuta and pushed himself up into a sitting position. He looked at Yuta with careful eyes, hands hovering over Yuta’s face. “Yuta,” he said. It was gentle but firm. Yuta saw the way that Taeyong’s hands shook in the moonlight. “Did he hurt you? Did he force you to do something?”

Yuta grabbed Taeyong’s wrist and pulled his hand to his face, feeling the warmth. He closed his eyes, feeling some tears escape down his cheeks. “No,” he whispered. “He never forced me to do anything.”

“What did he do?”

There was anger in Taeyong’s voice, underneath the gentle and sweet tone he was using. But Yuta did not fear it. He never had to fear Taeyong.

_I’ll be here to defend you, help you… love you._

Yuta took a shaky breath. He opened his eyes slowly, meeting Taeyong’s dark ones. “He came to me the day before you did,” he whispered, “And he told me things.”

_I don’t ever want to hurt you._

The way Taeyong held his face was careful as if Yuta was something fragile. Yuta let out a heavy, stuttered breath as Taeyong came closer.

“What did he say?”

Yuta knew how much Taeyong admired both of his uncles. After the funeral of his late uncle, Taeyong had been a bit more distant. Given, they weren’t close at the time so Yuta never really knew the extent of the effect that his passing had on Taeyong, but taking what he knew, Yuta could assume that it left a large hole in his life.

Telling Taeyong what he knew would only ruin the images he had of his uncles. 

Two brothers close in age, close to each other, but with a heavy truth underneath the facade. Fake tears shed over a dead brother while knowing who was fully responsible for the death.

“Taeyong,” Yuta said, “You… I don’t know how you’ll react.”

Yuta had no reason to fear Taeyong.

“Tell me,” Taeyong urged.

Yet, he felt the hair on his arms stand. Don’t say it, move away, his mind told him.

“He…” Yuta paused. “He said he was responsible.”

“For what?”

Yuta could see the desperation on Taeyong’s face. Thousands and thousands of questions in his eyes, but not one being asked out loud.

“For your uncle’s death,” Yuta finally said after a moment. He let go of Taeyong’s wrist, pushing himself up and moving towards the opposite end of the bed, sitting there.

He watched Taeyong’s reaction. Slowly, he saw realization dawn across his face.

Yuta said nothing. He wasn’t sure what Taeyong would do next. He had a feeling of what would happen, but there was no certainty. Though, it came with what happened next.

Taeyong muttered something under his breath and then he was moving. He got off the bed and began walking towards the doors that led into the antechamber.

Yuta followed as quickly as he could, feeling weak on his legs. He gritted his teeth as he rushed after Taeyong, biting back the cries of pain he wanted to let out. 

He reached out as far as he could, grabbing onto the back of Taeyong’s shirt. It was not enough to stop him so Yuta took a few quick, long strides and wrapped his arms around Taeyong from behind.

He lay his head in between Taeyong’s shoulder blades.

“Whatever you’re going to do,” he said, breathing hard, “Don’t do it.”

Yuta felt Taeyong pull on his arms, but Yuta’s hands were locked over his stomach tightly. “Yuta, let me go,” Taeyong said, the intense frustration audible in his voice.

“No,” Yuta murmured. “I’m not letting you go out there and do what you’re planning on doing.”

Taeyong finally broke free from Yuta’s hold, pulling Yuta’s arms away forcefully. He stumbled a few steps forward before turning to look at Yuta. It stopped Yuta from reaching out for him again.

It was unlike any look Yuta had ever received from Taeyong before. It was a mean glare. Nothing gentle or soft about it. The faint light from the windows cast harsh shadows on Taeyong’s face, obscuring half of his face in the darkness and creating sharp, pointed shadows of the rest of his features. 

Yuta took a step back.

Yuta had no reason to fear Taeyong.

He reminded himself of this as Taeyong stepped up to Yuta, straight and tall, shoulders still broad despite the mistreatment he had endured while imprisoned. Taeyong always stood tall and straight. Yuta had never once been intimidated by it. Many times, Yuta had even teased Taeyong for it, telling him that he hardly looked any more intimidating like that.

But now, Yuta cowered, making himself a bit smaller underneath his gaze.

“He is responsible for my uncle dying,” Taeyong said. His words were softer now and his eyes were, too. “And do you know what the punishment is for killing a royal family member?”

Yuta said nothing. He couldn’t even look at Taeyong.

“Death,” Taeyong whispered. 

Taeyong grabbed Yuta, wrapping his fingers around his biceps and holding him up so he wouldn’t fall.

It brought back the feeling of guard’s hands, harsh in handling him, pulling him this way and that. He remembered being dragged out of his room, down the stairs, and being brought into a cell weeks ago. He remembered being pulled to the room where he received sentencing. He remembered being hauled up the steps of the gallows and to the trap door, ready for what death brought.

Taeyong wasn’t grabbing him harshly but Yuta couldn’t help but think it hurt.

It hurt. It hurt. It _hurt._

“Death, Yuta.”

_Death, ma’am._

Yuta let out a cry, a whimper. He pushed Taeyong back and fell onto his knees, wrapping his arms around himself. Despite not having Taeyong’s hands on him anymore, he felt as though he was still being held. The hands he felt were not Taeyong’s. They were strange hands, holding onto him hard enough to form bruises in the places the fingertips were.

“Yuta?”

He heard soft footsteps moving towards him and then felt arms wrap around his body.

“Take him away.”

Yuta looked in Taeyong’s direction. He seemed frozen. His eyes were wide and his mouth was open. He looked surprised. He wanted to say something, but couldn’t.

Yuta’s attention moved to the person next to him. Dongyoung. Dongyoung placed a hand on Taeyong’s shoulder. “Come on,” he said.

“No,” Taeyong finally said. He stared at Yuta with eyes, filled with something Yuta could only call fear. “No, wait. Yuta!”

He tried to reach out but Dongyoung wrapped his arms around Taeyong from behind as Yuta had earlier, making him keep his arms down.

“No, Taeyong,” he said. “You’ve done enough here.”

It took a moment of fighting, but Taeyong did stop, looking at the floor, defeated. Dongyoung let him go, placing a hand on each shoulder and guiding him away, back to the bedchamber.

“Yuta, you’re okay,” Taeil whispered against the crown of Yuta’s head. Yuta felt the warmth of his breath. “You’re okay. You’re safe.”

Yuta couldn’t bring himself to speak. He could only stare in the direction Dongyoung had taken Taeyong.

Never had Yuta feared Taeyong.

When Taeil helped Yuta up and led him to the sofa, laying him down and whispering comforting words, Yuta still felt dazed. It was terrifying. That moment of fear… the moment that he was taken back to those experiences, unfamiliar faces, pushing and pulling harshly…

_I don’t ever want to hurt you._

The words repeated in his mind. Even after Taeil settled on the floor beside the sofa, telling Yuta to sleep, that they would all speak when the sun rose, the words remained.

_I don’t ever want to hurt you._

A soft kiss.

Yuta couldn’t go back to sleep.

_I don’t ever want to hurt you._

A soft kiss.

Over and over again in Yuta’s mind.

_I don’t ever want to hurt you._

And it was with a soft kiss that the sun rose, her light filtering through the windows and shining onto Yuta, still wide awake. He did close his eyes as it rose, feeling the warmth from it.

It was the sixth month. Summer was approaching.

Yuta carefully pushed himself up, bringing his legs down. His bare feet touched the cold hardwood below and he let out a small gasp at the feeling. He looked at Taeil, who was still sleeping. He carefully stood up, stepping around him and moving towards the window.

He watched his step. It seemed that while he had been unconscious the day before, the rest of them had cleaned the room up. There was no glass in sight or discarded books on the floor, but he did see them set onto tables or chairs around the room, the shattered glass swept underneath.

He caught sight of a small pile of glass, not completely swept underneath the table it was by. As the sun rose, the light fell onto the clear, crystal pieces, making them glitter. The light reflected, hitting spots on the wall panels, casting rainbows onto it.

Yuta held his breath for a moment. A small beauty found within a pile of shattered glass, essentially trash to be discarded.

He looked towards the doors that led into the bedchamber. They were closed. Behind them, Taeyong and Dongyoung. He wanted to go inside, but he didn’t know what he would do or say once he was there, in front of Taeyong again.

He never had reason to fear Taeyong.

Yuta pushed the thoughts away, continuing.

He stood in front of the window. In the rising sun’s light, he could see the gardens, empty. The fountains that dotted the land were on, spouting their clear water, catching the light just as beautifully as the glass. It was all very pretty, but then Yuta noticed something.

Right next to a fountain, on the gravel pathway around it, something that wasn’t supposed to be there.

He squinted, trying to make out what it was.

Black. Something black. And red.

“Yuta.”

Yuta gasped, turning back in surprise. There, in the doorway to the bedchamber stood Taeyong. He looked guarded and scared.

“Yuta,” he said again. He took a few steps towards him. “I…”

Taeyong seemed to struggle to form a sentence.

Yuta stood there, frozen. 

“I didn’t ever mean to hurt you,” Taeyong finally said.

There was a moment of hesitation and then Taeyong took a few more strides towards him. He looked unsure of what to do with his hands, playing with his fingers as he stood there, a few steps away from Yuta. He looked rejected before the rejection even came.

Yuta pulled himself together. “I know,” he said. His voice didn’t sound like his voice. There was something strange, but he couldn’t pinpoint it.

Taeyong didn’t seem to notice it whatsoever. “I want to apologize,” he continued. “What you told me drove me into a fit of anger. I couldn’t think or see clearly. But it is no excuse for what I did.”

“It’s not,” Yuta agreed.

But he never had reason to fear Taeyong.

“I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

_I don’t ever want to hurt you._

Yuta blinked a few times. 

“I know,” he said. He looked back out the window, catching sight of the black and the red. 

Yuta knew that Taeyong was trying to apologize for hurting him. He knew that Taeyong was sincere in his words. He always was. Yuta understood the frustration that Taeyong had been going through, just having found out a shocking truth about his family members. Taeyong hadn’t known that grabbing him like that would trigger something in Yuta. That reaction had been a shock to them both. More than the hurt he felt from being grabbed, it was the surprise that scared Yuta, not Taeyong. And Yuta knew that Taeyong just wanted to reassure Yuta that it wouldn’t happen again.

But right now, something was pulling him back to the sight outside. 

“Taeyong, there’s…”

“Yuta,” Taeyong said.

Yuta turned back to Taeyong, mouth open. He knew what it was outside now. Black. Red.

“Wait,” Yuta said. “Taeyong, something’s wrong.”

“What?”

Yuta looked back. Taeyong appeared beside him. Yuta brought a finger to the glass, pointing to where the black and red was.

“Black and red,” he said quietly. “That is a person.”

“Yuta.”

He looked at Taeyong, who was staring out the window with wide eyes. Now the fear in them was real.

“There’s another right there.”

Yuta looked back out the window, looking around. He spotted it. This time, it was white and red. He couldn’t look away from it. “What do we do?” he asked, still staring at the spot on the gravel.

“We leave.”

* * *

The decision to leave had been made quickly, but the day for them to leave had not come.

Three days in Hayoon’s rooms, waiting for the perfect time to come. It was hard. They didn’t know anything that happened outside the walls of Hayoon’s rooms. They could only wait and listen, spending hours on end just sitting, hardly even breathing with ears perked up to catch any noise. They listened for sounds of movement, talking, anything to give them a hint as to what was occurring outside.

Now and then, they did hear the noises.

Doors opening and closing. Feet scurrying down the hall.

And then screams. The screams were always followed by resounding shots that echoed and rang in the air for minutes afterward.

Whenever Yuta began to hear the sound of footsteps, he brought the pillow in his hands over his ears, closing his eyes and trying to focus on anything but the sounds. Taeil would help him up and into the washroom, where the sounds were mostly muffled. Taeil seemed to also get tense at the sounds, but he never said or showed it. Taeyong and Dongyoung seemed immune to the sounds of gunshots and the screeches for help. 

There was no escaping them for Yuta though. No matter what he did, it was never enough to truly block them out.

The sounds had appeared in his dreams the last two nights. Faceless people creeping up and down the hall, only to turn the corner and come face to face with the barrel of a gun. Yuta remembered the feeling of Taeil’s gun against the face and the fear he felt the moment he thought was going to get shot. That feeling coursed through him, alerting him that death was coming.

Yuta had awoken, frantic and sweating, reaching out for something to steady him. Taeyong was always there to pull him back down and hold him until he felt safe again, always a bit more careful when grabbing him.

“We’re okay,” he said over and over, the words lulling Yuta back to sleep. 

They were okay.

But for how long?

Yuta wondered how long it would be before they were found out and slaughtered like everyone else that tried to run. There was no running.

It was like a horror story come to life. Every minute, every second, spent in fear, waiting for the end to come through the door.

Every sound made Yuta jump and every touch made him cry out in surprise. There was no escaping this room, this feeling.

“We have to leave today,” Dongyoung said. He had a book in his hands, but he wasn’t reading. He flipped through the pages quickly before closing it and setting it aside. “Taeil and I have decided.”

“You don’t have the authority to decide anything,” Taeyong said back.

Yuta could only watch as Dongyoung stared at Taeyong. Yuta had seen him speak more in the last three days than he had in his entire time at the palace. Dongyoung was a kind man, always reassuring and careful with his words, but it was clear that enough was enough.

“It is my job to protect you,” he said firmly. “And to bring you somewhere safe until you can return as the rightful prince or king.”

The words made Yuta stop, breath catching in his throat.

“King?” he managed to ask.

Dongyoung shifted his attention to Yuta, looking almost surprised. It was as if he just realizing that they were all there, listening to him and Taeyong speak. “Yes, Yuta,” he said, a bit calmer than before. 

There was not nearly the same amount of firmness in his words to Yuta than his words to Taeyong. There was also hesitancy in his voice. There was more he wanted to say. Yuta looked towards Taeyong, but there was no surprise on his face. Whatever Dongyoung wanted to say, they had already discussed.

Sometimes Taeyong and Dongyoung discussed for hours into the late night. Speaking quietly in the antechamber while Yuta and Taeil were in the bedchamber, Taeil trying to get Yuta to sleep. Yuta knew that Dongyoung was Taeyong’s most trusted confidante.

Taeil had also told Yuta more about Dongyoung during those hours the past nights. Dongyoung had always been a mysterious person to Yuta. He never spoke about himself and he didn’t entertain talk about anything but his work. Even when asking Taeyong in the past, Yuta had never gathered anything. Taeyong would always shush him gently, turning the conversation away.

In his youth, Dongyoung had been groomed to be a fearless soldier. He was far off from becoming any king of any sort, his spot for the throne lying even beyond Taeil’s, who was already far from the immediate family as one can be. He spent years honing his skills and then when he was old enough, he had become part of the Southern Kingdom Royal Army until he was pulled out to serve as Taeyong’s gentleman of the chamber.

Fearless. Dongyoung was truly fearless. That’s what Taeil had told him.

And looking at him now, Yuta could see it.

Whatever he and Taeyong had spoken about in those late hours, Dongyoung had accepted it and was prepared for the worst. He had no worries about dying, Taeil had said, because he was groomed to die.

“We don’t know the extent of the damage. If he has gotten to the Queen or the Princess, then it is important that I―” He paused, clearing his throat, “―That we keep him alive so the kingdom has someone to look towards.”

“The news will reach the town in a few days,” Taeyong said, bringing the attention to him. He looked at each of them for a moment. “And everything will be unstoppable by then.”

“We have to leave now,” Dongyoung repeated. He stood up, glaring at Taeyong. “We are leaving now.”

“And if…” Taeyong let out a heavy sigh. “And if we cannot make it?”

“You will make it, Your Royal Highness,” Dongyoung said, “And you will come back to rule this kingdom.”

Little else was said after that. There was a finality in Dongyoung’s tone that not even Taeyong could speak against. They were leaving. After three days, they’d try to run out of the walls that had kept them safe.

The moon began to fall away as they all washed up individually and changed into more comfortable clothes, taking advantage of Prince Kangmin’s wardrobe. The clothes were a bit ill-fitting, but they would do for now.

Yuta took his time picking something from the wardrobe, just to take up time while Taeil bathed. 

He had seen Prince Kangmin on many occasions but had never really gotten to know him as much as he had Princess Hayoon. Prince Kangmin enjoyed hunting, leaving the palace to visit the best hunting grounds that the family owned. Taeyong sometimes traveled with him, going on those hunting trips to placate his brother-in-law and get away from the palace. Yuta had been invited once, but he had declined, not knowing how to properly hunt.

“You’ve got something on your mind.”

Yuta pulled his hand back quickly, letting go of the suit he had been looking at. He looked at Taeyong. “What?”

“You look troubled,” he said. “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing,” Yuta replied.

Taeyong looked unconvinced. “All right,” he said instead of persisting. “Have you picked out what you like?”

“This one,” Yuta answered, grabbing the one he had been admiring. “It’s the simplest.”

Taeyong hummed. Yuta let go of the suit again, bringing his hands behind his back. He looked at Taeyong curiously.

“Something is on your mind,” Yuta said.

“Many things.” Taeyong met Yuta’s eyes. “Mostly about you.”

Yuta felt himself blush and he looked away, looking towards his feet. “You…”

“I’ve said this before and I hope you know I meant it,” Taeyong said. “I’d always choose you.”

The words made a shiver crawl down Yuta’s spine. He felt his heartbeat accelerate.

“Last summer, when I stepped out, I was blinded by the sun. I saw nobody’s face, yet everyone could see mine. It made me anxious and I thought I’d stumble and fall down the steps. Everyone I saw, I could tell that they were interested, and if they were, it wasn’t for the right reasons.”

Taeyong took a step closer, placing his hands on Yuta’s waist and pulling him closer. Yuta brought his head up. Taeyong looked all over his face, studying each part of him with such carefulness, it made Yuta want to turn away. But he didn’t.

Their foreheads pressed together, noses brushing against each other. Yuta closed his eyes, allowing himself to hold onto Taeyong. Arms wrapped around his body, feeling a familiar body and warmth, one that had become so comforting and soothing to him.

“Then I saw you,” Taeyong whispered, “And I knew.”

Yuta’s breath hitched in the back of his throat, a small sound coming from him.

“And we got married.” Taeyong stayed silent for a moment. Yuta kept his eyes closed. They began to sway slowly, side to side, holding onto each other. “I wanted to give you everything, Yuta.”

Yuta finally gathered his strength to speak. “Like what?”

“Love,” Taeyong answered with a low chuckle. Yuta felt the warmth against his lips and chin. “I wanted to give you whatever you wanted, and slowly, I began learning we wanted to same things.”

“A family,” Yuta whispered.

“A home,” Taeyong said back, voice just above a whisper.

Another long pause.

“And then I came to you and you denied it all,” Taeyong said. He pulled away.

Yuta opened his eyes and looked at Taeyong. He looked a bit upset, lips pinched and eyes sad.

“I was upset in the moment but once I was back in my cell, I replayed the scene again and again, and I thought… ‘That is not the Yuta I know’. Because I know you, Yuta, and I know that you love me just as much as I love you. Everything we’ve been through is real.”

“I do,” Yuta said, reaching out to grab the front of Taeyong’s coat. “I―”

“Taeyong!”

They jumped away from each other. Taeyong gave Yuta an apologetic look and left the large wardrobe, stepping out into the bedchamber. There was a wordless exclamation from Taeyong, which made Yuta rush out as well.

There, in Taeyong’s arms, was somebody.

Taeyong let them go and Yuta let out a gasp.

“Yuta.”

She stepped towards him. Her dress was torn and dirty, her hair tangled. Her white face was streaked with brown and red. She looked completely different than the last time he’d seen her.

Instead of looking at him with a cold, hard glare, she looked at him with despair, tears forming in her eyes.

“Yuta,” she repeated, wrapping her thin arms around him.

Yuta looked at Taeil and Taeyong, who seemed just as shocked as he was. After a second, Yuta wrapped his arms around her small body.

“Princess,” he said carefully.

“Yuta, I… I am so glad that you’re alive,” she said against his chest, voice breaking and shaking. “I never wanted to do what I did. Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would’ve let you go. I would’ve let you both go.”

“I…”

“You don’t ever have to forgive me,” she said, finally pulling away. The dirt on her face was broken up by her tears. “But I could never live another day without telling you what I thought.”

Taeyong came and pulled his sister away, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and leading her into the antechamber. Taeil looked towards Yuta with a desperate expression.

“Come now,” he said, taking his hand. “It’s your turn to wash up. We leave when you’re done.”

Yuta bathed himself in a daze, not being able to process anything he was thinking or do. His movements were automatic as his mind went into a frenzy.

She was alive. Then, Taeyong did not have to be king. Taeyong did not have to be king.

Yuta dried himself off and changed into the suit he had picked, dressing himself for the first time in nearly a year. He brushed through his damp hair with his fingers and pushed it behind his ears, stepping out of the washroom and into the bedchamber.

There was no one there. He could hear them talking in the antechamber. He moved towards the doors but did not push them open. He simply listened.

“There’s been a plan,” Hayoon was saying. “From the start, there’s been a plan.”

“To kill the family?”

“To take down the entire kingdom, from the inside out.”

Yuta moved away from the door, surprised. This was not a conversation that he was supposed to be listening to. He sat on the bed, waiting.

It was nearly an hour before the doors were pushed open, Taeyong standing there, waving Yuta over. It was time to leave.

Yuta got off the bed and walked towards Taeyong, taking his offered hand. They stepped out into the antechamber, the gazes of three pairs of eyes landing on them.

“Before you go,” Hayoon said, holding a hand up, “Can I speak to Yuta?”

Taeyong looked at Yuta, and he gave a small nod. Taeyong let go and moved away. Hayoon stepped closer.

Yuta looked at her.

He had trusted her. He had come to see her as one of his sisters. Even though she apologized and claimed that she never wanted to do it, Yuta couldn’t help but feel a sense of betrayal. She had been the one that sentenced Yuta to death. What more could she say to him?

Hayoon took his hand and led him back to the bedchamber. She seemed to be thinking and Yuta waited, wondering what she would say.

“Yuta…” She took a deep breath before looking up and meeting his eyes. “Take care of my brother.”

Yuta’s eyes widened.

She took his hands in hers and held them. She stared at them as she spoke, “Doyoung had told me what you’re planning to do. I convinced him to do something else.”

“What?” Yuta asked, voice a whisper.

She turned her gaze up. “You’re going to Modan-ri.”

Yuta let out a small sound of surprise. “What?”

“Wherever you go will not be safe,” she said. “But a small, unknown village like Modan-ri… hardly anyone would think of looking for you there. No one that lived in this palace or came to this palace knows where you come from unless you told them. And even then, finding it is even harder.

So take my brother and show him where you came from. Continue your life there. Introduce him to your friends and family, show him how to work in the fields… build a home and a family together, and never look back.”

“But―”

“I know what I’m asking of you,” she interrupted. “I’m still responsible for giving my brother a punishment. Since our mother has… well, in any case, it’s up to me now. And I’m stripping him of any titles or assets he might’ve had. I’m giving him freedom from this life.”

“Hayoon…”

“Yuta, I cannot see my brother come back here and be forced to continue. The moment you leave, you will both be free.”

“And you―”

“I’ll remain here,” Hayoon interjected. She looked calm as always. “Trust me.”

“Your baby…” Yuta said softly.

At this, she suppressed a smile. “A baby,” she confirmed. “Leaving would mean endangering this one, though I fear she may be in more danger if she remains here after her birth. I’ve already discussed the issue with my husband about what will happen then. I’ve mentioned it to Taeyong, and while difficult, he has no choice but to accept it.”

“I can’t…”

“You must, Yuta.”

She let go of his hands and walked around him, stepping into the antechamber again. 

Yuta turned around but didn’t go back. He watched as she went around and hugged everyone. All of them, family members to her in some way. She came back to Yuta, taking his hand and pulling him out. She hugged him as well.

“I know you’ll take care of them for me,” she whispered before she let him go.

Them?

Yuta looked at her, confused, but Taeyong came up and took his hand before he could say anything.

Them?

“Someone is coming,” Dongyoung said. “We have to hurry.”

Taeyong pulled him to the secret door that led to the passage that Yuta and Taeil had used to come up here. Yuta looked back at Hayoon before he was pulled inside.

She was smiling despite the tears in her eyes.

Her hands were placed on her stomach, the slightest bump visible.

Just as Dongyoung stepped in behind Yuta and began pulling the door shut, Yuta heard the main doors burst open, footsteps rushing in.

The door closed and the beginning of a scream was cut short, disappearing behind the thick wooden door.

* * *

Dongyoung led them, a heavy gun in hand.

They hadn’t encountered anyone, but the fear still crept all over Yuta’s body.

There had to be someone waiting for them, somewhere.

They made it to the back of the palace through the secret passageways. Stepping out and feeling the warm air, seeing the sun rising, felt like a dream, and for a moment, Yuta did feel like the fear was washed away for a moment, taken over by peace.

But there was no time to stay and admire the morning. They hurried to the gardens, avoiding the gravel pathways and walking right through the grass. Yuta held onto Taeyong, trying to keep up.

He had hardly eaten anything. In the time they spent in Hayoon’s rooms, Taeyong had found fruits, which they all shared, but they were hardly satisfying. Even for Yuta, who had spent days without eating while he was imprisoned, the fruit was hardly enough.

They were all weak, but they had to keep going.

The gardens seemed untouched. As they moved through them, they slowed down a little. Here, they were surrounded by tall trees and plants that could cover them in case anyone came through.

Taeil was the one that guided them here.

“We have to move towards the east,” he said under his breath. “The west is where everyone is. The east leads into a forest and from there, a few hours away is the town.”

By the time they reached the forest, the sun was almost up. Yuta looked up at the sky, seeing the blue and the white. The sun’s hot rays were beginning to get stronger. It was still morning, but by afternoon, it would almost be unbearable.

“Here,” Taeil said. He motioned to the path that led into the small forest. It disappeared a few steps into the forest, but Yuta could see that it was taken a few times, the ground cleared naturally, forming a path of its own. Taeil looked back at them, but then he focused on Yuta. “It leads straight to the town’s edge. There, we buy a ride to Modan-ri.”

Modan-ri.

Yuta never thought he would see it again. Was it possible that they would see it?

Taeyong had always been a bit interested in seeing where Yuta came from, but they didn’t know if it would be possible. Visiting Modan-ri would mean that Taeyong would have to go out of a space where his identity was protected and ensuring his safety would be of the utmost importance.

Modan-ri seemed like a distant dream, but now it was in reach, and it was just a few hours away.

“Let’s go,” Dongyoung said.

They continued, quietly.

Taeil walked ahead and Dongyoung behind them. Taeyong seemed alert, looking around, but Yuta was focused on what was ahead. The sun’s rays barely penetrated the thick trees above so there was little light and Yuta had to pay attention so he didn’t trip or slip on anything.

They walked for nearly two hours before Yuta saw any sign of the forest ending. But he could see it and he could hear it.

Wheels rolling and horse hooves coming down on cobblestone. Loud voices that increased in volume the closer they got to the end. Shrill yells of children, gentle voices of women, and boisterous laughter from large men.

Yuta felt his heart stop in his chest once he began seeing the tops of the houses, similar to those in Modan-ri. Everything became a bit more real, overwhelming Yuta’s senses.

Beside him, Taeyong also looked very surprised.

They stopped behind a large house with a small garden in the back. It was just like the house his parents had built in Modan-ri. The back door was closed, but he could hear a commotion going on inside.

“Come,” Taeil said, leading them to the side. They slipped into the small alley between that house and the house beside it. “Careful.”

They came out on the other side, into the street. It was filled with people, unaware of their existence. No one turned an eye to them. 

Yuta marveled at the sight of the busy street. Men were beginning to set up large stalls, stacking crates filled with fruits and vegetables they had to sell. Other men were preparing meat, cutting off thick slabs off large carcasses and wrapping them in brown paper.

“Taeyong…” Yuta looked beside him. “Have you ever been here?”

Taeyong shook his head. “I was never allowed to come here,” he answered.

Yuta watched as Taeyong took everything in. When they had traveled to see the baby, Taeyong had been surprised by the business of the streets, but they hadn’t had time to step out and experience it. Now was the first time that Taeyong was seeing any of it in person.

“It’s loud,” he said, “But very wonderful.”

Behind them, Dongyoung cleared his throat. “We have to find a merchant,” he reminded.

“Right,” Taeyong said, standing a bit straighter. The dazed expression left his face and was replaced by seriousness but in his eyes, Yuta could see the delight and surprise still dancing wildly. He looked at Yuta. “Shall we?”

“Of course,” Yuta said.

Yuta had helped Mr. Lee set up his stall in the village center many times, stacking crates on top of each other to display the contents inside. Years of work like that had ensured that Yuta learned how to move around any town or village center.

Some locals sold their goods, but some traders and merchants came and went as well.

Yuta’s eyes landed on an older man who was hauling up a crate into the bed of his wagon further down the street. “Him,” he said.

“And you’re sure?” Taeil asked.

“Most definitely.”

They approached the man, Dongyoung jumping in and helping him lift the crate onto the wagon bed. There was hardly anyone on this end of the street. From what Yuta saw, it seemed that it was reserved for merchants that left their wagons to venture further into the village on foot. Another wagon was beside the man’s, but there was nothing inside and no other person in sight.

“Well,” the man said with a laugh, “I thought that crate had become lighter. Thank you, young man.”

“Of course,” Dongyoung said, offering a smile. “By any chance, sir, are you leaving town?”

The man nodded. “Leaving before the afternoon,” he said. He narrowed his eyes. “You want something?”

“We’re looking for someone that can take us somewhere,” Dongyoung said, not backing down.

Fearless, Yuta thought, absolutely fearless.

“Where you heading?” the man asked.

“Modan-ri,” Dongyoung replied slowly.

The man hummed. “Ain’t never heard of a place like that. Where is it?”

Dongyoung stammered for a moment. Yuta let go of Taeyong and stepped up beside Dongyoung. “Modan-ri in the Yuksan Mountains, sir,” he said. “Dongsu-ri is the next nearest village. Please, sir, would you be able to take us?”

“Up near Dongsu-ri, huh…” The man clicked his tongue. “I’m sorry, gentlemen. I’d take you if I were heading up there, but I’m going down south, ending up at the ports there.”

Yuta felt the disappointment slowly overcome him. His head hung low. Beside him, Dongyoung sighed.

“Well, thank you, sir,” he said. Dongyoung’s arm wrapped around Yuta and he began to pull him back to where Taeil and Taeyong were. “Safe travels.”

“But,” the man said, making them stop. Yuta looked up and stared at the man. He had a small smile on his face. “If you’re looking for someone to take you up to Dongsu-ri, I have a friend coming back in a few days that’ll depart for Dongsu-ri and all those villages up north.”

“Who?” Dongyoung said.

“His name’s not known, but everyone calls him Key,” the man said. “You’ll know him when you see him.”

“Thank you, sir,” Dongyoung said. He let go of Yuta. “Let me help you up onto the wagon.”

Dongyoung disappeared with the man. Taeyong and Taeil came to him, standing on either side of him.

“What did he say?”

“He’s going south, but someone is coming and he’ll be going north.”

“Who?”

Yuta looked at Taeil. He blinked a few times. “Everyone calls him Key.”

“Key?”

Yuta nodded. “Well, we must―”

A groan from beside him interrupted him. Yuta quickly turned to Taeyong, gasping in shock when he saw what had happened.

“No,” he said, grabbing Taeyong to keep him from falling over.

A pained moan escaped Taeyong’s lips. The man standing behind Taeyong pulled the dagger out, blood dripping from the blade. He met Yuta’s eyes.

Yuta let out another gasp.

It was him.

The guard posted outside Yuta’s cell.

The man looked away and back at Taeyong, bringing his dagger back and pushing it into Taeyong’s back once more, eliciting another moan from Taeyong, who clutched at his stomach. Yuta could see the blood that began to slowly drip from Taeyong’s fingers, falling to the ground beneath.

The guard, the man, let go of the dagger’s handle. He came closer and tried to grab Yuta. Beside Yuta, Taeil tried to push the man aside, but Taeil was hit in the stomach, a hard fist coming into contact with his abdomen, leaving Taeil hunched over in pain.

“Taeyong,” Yuta gasped, trying his best to hold him up. He felt his arms get weaker and he let Taeyong go. He landed on the cobblestone with a thud and a groan. Yuta looked at the man, still approaching. “No, no, no.”

The man punched Yuta, making him stumble backward. There was no one around them. Dongyoung was still up front, helping the merchant. The wagon beside this one still had no one.

The front of Yuta’s coat was grabbed and he was pulled. The man glared at him. “ _Long live the Emperor_ ,” he said.

Yuta gasped. That man… had just spoken the native language from The West Empire. And he had just…

Before Yuta could do anything, the man punched him again, rendering him speechless. Yuta felt like all the air had been taken from his lungs. He was gasping.

The man let him go and Yuta fell to his knees. He stared up at the man, who reached for something inside his pocket. He pulled it out. A gun.

But the gun was not aimed at Yuta. It was aimed at the person beside him, bleeding and crying out in pain.

“No!” Yuta exclaimed with all his might. He threw himself over Taeyong, careful not to move the dagger’s handle that was still sticking out from his back, wrapping his arms around him.

There was no shot though because there was a yell.

“Help!” It was Taeil. “Help! This man hurt us!”

Yuta did not get up or look up, but he heard the approaching footsteps. He heard people rushing towards them, asking what was wrong.

He heard gasps and murmurs, mothers telling their children to look away. 

Footsteps came closer.

“Hey!” someone yelled. “Hey, grab that man!”

“Taeyong!” Dongyoung’s voice exclaimed.

In front of them, Dongyoung dropped to his knees. His hands hovered. He wasn’t sure what to do, where to grab. Taeil moved towards them.

“Doyoung, go,” he panted. “Go. Follow them. I’ll keep them safe.”

Yuta heard Doyoung leave, rushing after the men that followed the guard. Yuta began to cry. He got off Taeyong.

“Taeyong, don’t turn around,” Taeil whispered, still out of breath. “Don’t lay down. Yuta, help him sit up.”

With tears in his eyes and a knot in his throat, Yuta hauled Taeyong up into a sitting position. He pulled his legs out straight and then sat beside Taeyong, wrapping Taeyong’s arm around his shoulders so he could keep the position.

“Someone, help,” Taeil said, approaching the people that were beginning to surround them. “A doctor? Please, anyone? A doctor?”

Taeil continued to seek help, a woman offering her assistance and taking his hand. More people began to chime in, offering their help as well. Yuta watched as someone rushed off to get someone that could help. More people followed and then everyone was gone, leaving them alone as if forgetting that there was someone that needed help beside Yuta.

Yuta let out a shaky breath. “Taeyong?”

Beside him, Taeyong said nothing. Yuta looked at him. His hand was resting on his stomach, but Yuta could see that the blood was still coming out. The dagger had been long enough that it came out the other side of Taeyong’s body.

Yuta took a few deep breaths. Blood had never made him uneasy, but he was beginning to feel dizzy. He brought a hand up to cradle his head. “Calm,” he told himself.

“Y―”

When Taeyong opened his mouth, a large amount of blood came out, falling onto Taeyong’s thighs. It dripped down his chin in thick, red droplets, breaking into a splatter as it hit his clothes and the stones below.

“Oh, no,” Yuta cried. He moved away and sat on Taeyong’s legs, straddling his knees. Yuta grabbed Taeyong’s shoulders to hold him up. “No, Taeyong. No. Don’t speak. Don’t say anything, please.”

“No,” Taeyong said, words drowned out by the amount of blood that spilled from his mouth. “Yuta, I’m dying.”

Yuta moved up Taeyong’s legs, sitting on his thighs now. His hands moved to Taeyong’s face. He held his face in his hands, Taeyong’s blood underneath his palms, smearing across Taeyong’s pale skin.

“No, you’re not dying,” Yuta said, voice breaking, “You are not dying. I won’t let you die.”

Taeyong brought a bloody hand up to Yuta’s face. Yuta felt the wet, sticky blood as Taeyong cupped his jaw, stroked his thumb over Yuta’s cheek.

“I love you,” Taeyong said, less blood coming from his mouth, but still enough to make Yuta worry. “I always will.”

“Taeyong!” Yuta cried.

Behind him, he heard footsteps and then gasps.

“Yuta,” Taeil’s voice said.

People approached and then, two pairs of hands were grabbing Yuta’s arms, pulling him away.

“No!” he cried, trying to fight off the two men that were holding him. Yuta watched as a young woman and another man kneeled beside Taeyong, holding him up and conversing quietly between themselves. “Let me be with him!”

The man looked at Yuta. He was older, with graying hair, and there was no sign of pity in his expression.

“Take him,” he said. He looked at something behind Yuta. “Take them both.”

Yuta was dragged away but he didn’t stop yelling.

“Let me be with him!”

* * *

Yuta felt like he was dreaming. He wanted to reach out and touch the face in front of him, but he was scared. He felt that if he reached out, he’d realize that it was all a mirage. It wasn’t real. But it looked so, so real.

“He’s alive,” Taeil said from behind him.

Yuta looked over his shoulder at Taeil. He had a sympathetic expression. He motioned for Yuta to reach out. Yuta turned back to Taeyong and looked at him again.

He had a few cuts across his face. Yuta brought his hand up and his fingertips hovered over a few of the cuts. He was scared to touch and he could see the way his hand trembled over Taeyong’s skin. After a second, he let his fingertips lightly graze over a small cut across Taeyong’s temple. Taeyong seemed to wince underneath him.

“I’m sorry,” Yuta whispered, pulling back his hand.

“Yuta?” Taeil asked. Yuta didn’t look back at him. “I’ll be leaving you alone now.”

Yuta murmured his thanks, eyes never leaving Taeyong.

When Taeyong seemed calm again, Yuta reached out and ran his fingertips over his cheek. It was free of cuts and bruises, but some light small scratches across the apples of his cheeks were the palest of pinks.

“What did he do to you?” Yuta asked, bringing his hand up to run his fingers through Taeyong’s hair.

It was tangled beyond belief. Yuta carefully began to brush through it, slowly untangling it until he could run his fingers through the strands with no problem.

Taeyong looked so different. Like the prince, he was always clean cut. He wore the best suits, had his hair styled, and his overall appearance was free of any imperfections. This Taeyong, laying on the bed before Yuta, was ragged and worn out. He was covered in injuries and grime, worn out and ragged.

But still, Yuta felt an overwhelming sense of comfort. Taeyong was here, and he was alive. He would be okay.

“You’re going to be okay,” Yuta murmured. 

He laid his head on Taeyong’s chest. He felt the soft beating of Taeyong’s heart and the warmth of his body. 

Yuta closed his eyes and tried his best to enjoy the feeling as much as he could. He had almost lost this. All of this was almost taken away from him. He felt relief and happiness begin to bubble in his chest, but there was still an overwhelming amount of fear lingering within him.

The events of that day weighed down on Yuta heavily and after laying there for a while with his eyes closed, the warmth of sleep welcomed him and embraced him, holding him snugly.

In his sleep, Yuta dreamt of Taeyong. It was not uncommon these days. Most nights, Taeyong was awake and seemed healthy. It was like nothing had ever happened. Taeyong looked towards him and smiled, and Yuta felt an exhilarating rush course through him.

But this time, he dreamt of Taeyong running his fingers through Yuta’s hair. Yuta had his head in Taeyong’s lap and he was looking up at Taeyong, who looked back down at him with shiny eyes and a gentle smile. Taeyong said nothing to him in the dream. He just looked at Yuta and then away, towards a fire burning across from them in a large fireplace.

The orange glow of the fire created some harsh and nasty shadows on Taeyong’s face, hiding his features and brightening others. Yuta still found him to be beautiful. He wanted to reach out and touch Taeyong’s face, just to feel.

Before he could do anything in his dream, he was awoken by a soft voice calling his name.

“Yuta?” it asked. “Yuta, are you awake yet?”

Yuta slowly opened his eyes, turning his head to see very familiar eyes peering down at him. He let out a small gasp. “Taeyong,” he said, voice wavering just above a whisper.

At one point during his sleep, Taeyong had woken up and gotten into a sitting up position, putting Yuta’s head in his lap. Yuta blinked up at Taeyong, wondering just how or when it had happened and why no one had woken him up. 

How long had it been?

Taeyong smiled, and Yuta felt a million things course through his body. It was an odd sight, seeing Taeyong smile with all the various cuts and bruises on his face, but looking past that, it was just Taeyong. The Taeyong that Yuta knew, that he loved.

“You’re alive,” Yuta said, breathless.

“We both are,” Taeyong answered. He ran his fingers through Yuta’s hair, making Yuta close his eyes and let out a small sound of content. “I’ve missed you.”

Yuta opened his eyes and made eye contact with Taeyong. “Not as much as I have you.”

“You’re sorely mistaken if you think you could miss me more than I have you,” Taeyong said with a teasing lilt to his voice. His playful expression faded and then he looked a bit more serious. He stopped brushing Yuta’s hair with his fingers and instead, his fingertips hovered over places on Yuta’s face. “You’re hurt, Yuta. I noticed it when you were sleeping, but like this, I can see that there’s more than what I was able to see.”

Yuta tried to sit up, but Taeyong’s other hand held him down. “You are, too,” Yuta replied. “You’re more hurt than any of us.”

“Doyoung and Taeil looked like they hardly have a scratch. But you―,” Taeyong pinched his lips into a firm line and brought his eyebrows together as he looked over Yuta’s face, cupping his chin to hold him in place, “―you’re _hurt_.”

Yuta brought his hand up and wrapped his fingers around Taeyong’s wrist, gently pulling him away. “Taeyong,” he murmured. 

He pushed himself off Taeyong and sat up in the chair he fell asleep in. He felt an ache in his back and neck. He grimaced as he rubbed the back of his neck.

He looked at Taeyong again. “You were nearly killed,” he said.

“But I’m here,” Taeyong answered.

Yuta frowned. “You were fighting for your life for _days_ ,” he said, feeling upset once again. It had been painful to see Taeyong struggling to breathe and holding onto life. Yuta wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to get rid of the memory. “I thought you were going to die.”

Taeyong looked at him with a hard expression. “Is me being here not enough?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“You’re acting like―”

“No,” Yuta interrupted. “Don’t act like your injuries are something you can brush over! You’re hurt, and I know that you feel the pain, so please, just let me… take care of you for once.”

Taeyong said nothing else. He looked at Yuta for a moment and then he shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Don’t smile!” Yuta exclaimed. “I’m being serious.”

“I know you are,” Taeyong said. “Has something happened to you? What happened to my Yuta?”

Yuta scowled. His body betrayed him as he felt his entire face warm up, without a doubt turning a bright red. “Hush,” he said. “You’re saying too much.”

“I think I’m saying just enough,” Taeyong replied softly. He smiled sadly. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

The warmth disappeared and Yuta let out a sigh. He reached for Taeyong’s hand. His hands had become bony, but Yuta had gotten used to the feeling of them over the last few days. He ran his thumb over Taeyong’s knuckles. “I was going to lose you,” he said. “I never would’ve forgiven myself if I had.”

“It was not your fault,” Taeyong said quickly.

Yuta said nothing.

There was no taking away the guilt he felt. It had made its home in his heart. The never-ending ache he felt, a heavy weight on his chest. It had all been Yuta’s fault. If he had been more careful, they wouldn’t have gotten to Taeyong. It should have been him.

“Yuta,” Taeyong said, pulling on his hand. Yuta looked up at him. “Yuta, tell me you know that there was no helping this.”

“Taeyong―”

“Tell me you know,” Taeyong insisted.

Yuta glared at Taeyong. “But there was―”

“No.” Taeyong’s tone left no room for argument. He was frowning. Along with the cuts and bruises, he looked a bit more menacing this way, but there was nothing to fear. It was just Taeyong. “It was going to be me either way. He did not want to kill you. It was me he was coming for. If you stood behind me, he would have gotten us both for the price of one.”

Yuta wondered if Taeyong was correct. It was true that after Taeyong had been struck, the man hadn’t gone towards Yuta with something that could kill him. Yuta had been punched, but he was not seriously hurt otherwise. But who knew what would’ve happened if Taeil hadn’t been quick enough to call for help.

There was just no way of knowing.

“Where does it hurt?” Yuta asked, forgetting about the argument. 

Whether it could’ve been stopped or not, whether it mattered at all… it was part of the past. They were both here, beaten up but still breathing. That’s what mattered most. Yuta had waited for this day to come and it was here for him.

Taeyong sighed. “Everything hurts,” he confessed. He shifted on the bed, grimacing. “Ah, my legs hurt the most.”

“The doctor said that it is possible you severely hurt your legs from the fall,” Yuta said. He bit down on his bottom lip. “Please be careful, Taeyong. Let me help you lay down.”

Taeyong let out a pained groan when he moved again. His face twisted up, a small cry escaping his mouth. Yuta felt his heart break in his chest. There was nothing more painful than seeing the person he loved in pain.

He reached out and helped Taeyong, holding the back of his head and guiding it back down to the pillow. Yuta removed his hand, moving to gently run his fingertips over Taeyong’s temple, careful to avoid the cuts and bruises. “Does it hurt here?” he asked.

“Not as much,” Taeyong replied with a huff. “Ah…”

“Careful,” Yuta whispered. He leaned back, observing.

Taeyong lay still with his eyes closed. Yuta could see the rise and fall of his chest. He looked peaceful.

“I’m going to get something to ease the pain,” Yuta said after a minute. He moved to stand but he felt Taeyong’s fingers wrap around his wrist.

“Don’t leave me,” he whispered. “Yuta, please don’t leave me.”

Yuta looked back at him. His eyes were not open, but his expression had changed. He looked upset as if he were asleep and having a nightmare.

Yuta sat back in the chair. “Okay,” he said, “I won’t go anywhere.”

He watched as Taeyong’s features returned to their original position. He felt the tenseness physically leave Taeyong, his hold on Yuta’s wrist weakening.

“Just stay,” Taeyong said.

“I will,” Yuta replied. “I’ll stay here for as long as you want.”

Taeyong’s head lolled to the side and he opened his eyes to look at him. He looked sad. “As long as I want?”

Yuta nodded.

“Stay beside me forever then,” Taeyong said.

“Forever,” Yuta repeated.

The door of the room opened. “Yuta.” It was Dongyoung. “He’s here.”

Yuta looked over his shoulder. “Dongyoung, I’m…”

“Who?” Taeyong asked.

Yuta returned his attention to Taeyong. He wasn’t sure what to say. Taeyong looked like a small child, lost and confused. Yuta sighed. “The merchant… Key,” he answered. “He’s here. We’ve been waiting for him.”

“Oh,” Taeyong said. He carefully let Yuta go. “Go.”

“Are you sure?”

Taeyong nodded. “Go and come back,” he said. “Tell me what he says.”

Yuta got up from the chair and went to the door. He looked at Taeyong, who nodded again. Dongyoung opened the door a bit more and Yuta stepped out into the large main room.

On the cushions around the table, Taeil was speaking to an unfamiliar man. Beside Taeil was the young woman that had helped them.

She looked up and when she saw Yuta, she got up and rushed to him, taking him by the arm and bringing back to the table. “Oh, Yuta, is he awake?” she asked.

“Yes, he is,” Yuta answered.

“I’m very sorry to pull you away from him, but the merchant came right to the door and knocked, asking if we were the ones helping you out! I knew how urgent it was, but it must’ve been urgent enough that he heard about it and came over himself!”

“Thank you,” Yuta said.

They both sat down at the table. The unfamiliar man looked at Yuta, stopping mid-sentence and mouth falling into a small ‘oh’ formation.

“You must be Na Yuta,” he said. He extended his arm, offering his palm over the table. Yuta took it. “I have heard about you from two villages away.”

“Ah,” Yuta said, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Well, that is me… Na Yuta.”

“Everyone calls me Key,” the man said. He smiled. “But you can call me Kibum.”

Yuta was flustered. He looked away from the man. “Thank you.”

“Now, it has come to my attention that you have someone that is injured,” Key said. He pulled his hand back and he admired his fingernails, holding his hand out in front of him. He looked up at Yuta briefly. “Is this true?”

“Yes,” Yuta said, “My… friend is injured.”

Key laughed, catching them all by surprise. “Friend?” Key waved his hand. “Call him your _lover_. Is that not what he is?”

“Oh,” Yuta muttered, feeling his face warm up. “Uh…”

“A man must be proud to display their lover, Na Yuta,” Key said. He held up his left hand. There, on his ring finger, underneath the candlelight, Yuta saw a band. It was thin and a bit poorly made, but still rather beautiful in a way. Key dropped his hand and motioned to Yuta with his head. “You have one of your own.”

Yuta looked at his left hand. “Right,” he murmured, catching sight of the ring there.

The ring had become so ingrained into him that Yuta forgot it was even there. He wondered who else had assumed that they were married despite Yuta saying that he and Taeyong were good friends.

“Now, your husband is hurt, but is it critical?”

Yuta didn’t know how to answer this. He looked towards the young woman beside him. “Hina?”

“Oh!” she exclaimed. She turned to Key. “The gentleman is fine. The worst of it has passed. All that needs to be done is replacing the wraps and cleaning the area.”

“Clear to travel,” Key said with a clap of his hands. “Well, then we leave in two days.”

“Two days?” Yuta asked.

“Go on and tell your husband you’ll be leaving soon,” Key said with a smile.

Beside him, Hina gave him an encouraging push. Yuta stood up quietly. He looked at Key, who nodded. He turned and walked back to the room, pushing the door open.

“Taeyong,” Yuta said, catching his attention.

“Yes?”

“We leave in two days,” Yuta said without any hesitation. He rushed to Taeyong, taking his hands in his. “We’ll be going to Modan-ri.”

Taeyong smiled. “Home,” he said, “We’ll be going home, Yuta.”

Yuta felt the tears form in his eyes and he let out a watery laugh. “Home!” he exclaimed.

Taeyong pulled a hand back and brought it up to hold Yuta’s face in place. The space between them got smaller and smaller, and then Yuta felt Taeyong’s lips against his.

A sweet, gentle kiss. Something that Yuta hadn’t received in a long time. It made Yuta’s heart flutter and his mind race. He held onto Taeyong’s hand a little tighter, taking in the moment.

There would be more of this for them in the future.

They were almost there.

* * *

Key was a delightful man. He told fun stories that entertained them all. Taeyong laughed the hardest, even if it left him clutching at his stomach in pain and Yuta scolding him. Taeyong loved the listen to stories.

After Key had told every story he could, he asked them to tell stories of their own. Dongyoung had told stories of him and his older brother, who lived far away with his wife and children. Yuta had been amazed at this sudden openness from Dongyoung. He listened intently, taking in everything Dongyoung said.

Taeil told stories about his dreams of being a performer. This had sent everyone into fits of laughter, but it had quieted down and Taeil had revealed his love for singing. It was amazing that Yuta had known Taeil for so long and hadn’t ever heard of this passion he had. Key had encouraged him to sing a song and Taeil had agreed reluctantly, singing a song made for children as they moved through barren fields on a dirt road.

“At the next town, you must sing for the poor drunkards in the bars!” Key exclaimed with a bright laugh. “You’ll earn us money!”

Taeil’s stories had died down and then it was Yuta’s turn. Yuta had grown up as a boy in a small village. There wasn’t much to tell. He had dug up the fondest memories he had, telling them with as much enthusiasm as he could. Times where he and Youngho got into trouble, or times when Yuta and his sisters caused trouble for their parents for the silly plans and ideas.

“Wild, all of you!” Key said. From his spot in the driver’s seat, he looked over his shoulder. “And you, Taeyong?”

The attention turned to Taeyong. He smiled sheepishly.

“Well, I was very protected as a child so I didn’t have to opportunity to explore many things like you all,” he said. He met Yuta’s eyes. “But it’s very fulfilling to hear your stories.”

Key clicked his tongue. “You’re like one of ‘em royal kids,” he commented.

Taeyong had frozen at this but Key continued, nonchalantly.

“Princess Hayoon and the prince… whoever that may be,” he said. He shrugged, looking back to the front. “No worries. I’m sure you’ll be making wild memories soon. The life of a traveling merchant always brings ‘em.”

Key had been right. 

As part of the deal, Yuta, Taeil, and Dongyoung helped Key set up his stall with all the goods he came to sell and they helped him take it down. Taeyong was still too hurt to be lifted, but he did sit underneath the small tent that Key set up, watching intently.

People passed by, ignoring them. Key would rope some in and convince them to buy items from him, selling them for a bit more than they were worth. It was very interesting to Taeyong. 

Yuta had seen it and dealt with it growing up. His mother would send him to see a merchant and he’d bargain with the older men. Just because he had been a child didn’t mean he was a fool.

They all watched Key bicker and bargain over the prices of his goods. More often than not, Key won and ended up with money in his palm and a grumbling customer, but there were never any complaints. There had been threats, but no one followed through. As a merchant, Key would be up and gone before the sun rose, leaving unsatisfied customers behind in the day before.

“I’d easily give all that money,” Taeyong confessed one afternoon as they took down the stall and packed it up. “I don’t know how any of this works.”

Key laughed. “Well, that’s how it is sometimes. Among a large group of sensible people, there are always a few fools that will pay the price of the game I play because they don’t know the rules,” he said with a big smile. “Just never let your kid be swindled into marrying one of us. The Heavens know my husband’s parents are paying that price now.”

Taeyong laughed hard at this, reaching over to grab Yuta’s hand. “We’d never allow that. Sorry, Key,” he said.

“You have children, Key?” Taeil asked.

“Two,” Key replied. “Back home, with Papa. Twin girls, very beautiful.”

Key got a little softer when speaking about his family. Yuta wondered if he and Taeyong would ever be like that. They could be now. There was an entire life ahead of them, waiting to be filled with memories.

They had packed up that day and left, leaving towards another town.

Nine days of traveling and only three villages and one town hit. The next village would be their last. The trip would be another day and Mullyu-ri would be where they got off. From Mullyu-ri, Key could get them help to Dongsu-ri, and from there, they’d be able to travel through the Yuksan Mountains with the rest of the money they had.

Key had been very kind and they had all gotten very comfortable with him. They never said anything too personal that might give away who they were, but Key never pressed for more details if they gave him vague answers. He accepted what he received and never wanted more.

Yuta wished that Key could take them all the way, but Key had explained that he would be going back home for a while. His daughters would be celebrating their birthday soon and he wanted to be home to surprise them.

So, after they finished packing up and the wagon lurched forward, leaving the village behind and going towards Mullyu-ri, Yuta thanked Key.

“It’s no problem,” Key said with a wave of his hand. “If I can help, I should help.”

“You don’t know how much we appreciate this,” Yuta said. He looked back at Taeyong, who was sleeping, curled up under a thin blanket.

“He’s a good one,” Key said, catching Yuta’s attention. “I’ve seen plenty of people in my lifetime. And while he said he was a fool, there is not one part of him that is.”

“He isn’t,” Yuta agreed softly. He smiled to himself.

“Well, get on back there and sleep with the rest of ‘em,” Key said. “We’ll arrive by the time night falls. You’ll have to hurry to meet my friend to take you to Dongsu-ri.”

Yuta crawled back and settled beside Taeyong. Taeyong turned in his sleep, reaching over and throwing an arm over Yuta. Yuta allowed it, sighing contently as he felt the warmth radiate off Taeyong’s body.

He fell asleep after a few minutes, dreaming of nothing for once.

When he awoke, it was to loud voices and the wagon bumping up and down on an uneven road. He sat up, seeing Taeyong already sitting up and drinking water from a small canteen. Taeyong looked at him.

“We’re here,” he said. He offered the canteen to Yuta. “Drink up. It’s still a bit hot out.”

Yuta took a few sips before screwing it back up and setting it aside. He looked around the wagon bed. Taeil was up and sitting beside Key on the driver’s seat in front. Dongyoung was still asleep, surprisingly, settled in between large sacks of clothes and blankets.

“Taeyong, is Yuta awake?” Taeil asked without looking back.

“He is,” Taeyong replied. He came closer to Yuta, taking his face in his hands. “Good evening.”

Taeyong gave him a small kiss and Yuta pushed him away. “Taeyong,” he scolded, “Not here!”

He received a cheery laugh and he couldn’t help but smile. For the first time in weeks, Yuta was beginning to feel hopeful. They were days away from reaching Modan-ri. Soon, they’d be home and they would never have to worry about someone finding them.

Yuta would see his parents, his sisters. Youngho, Jaehyun, and all the rest of his friends… and they would meet Taeyong. He wondered if the people of Modan-ri would question it. No one but the people that had traveled to the palace had ever seen the Prince, but one didn’t need to be that smart to put two and two together.

It made Yuta worry a little, but the palace was so far away, he knew that the word would never go that far, even if the people of Modan-ri loved to talk.

“Yuta,” Taeyong said, bringing him out of his thoughts. “I did something.”

“What is that?”

Taeyong looked at Yuta with bright eyes. “When we were in Kumji-ri, I asked Key for help. I sent a letter to someone.”

Yuta’s eyes widened. “Taeyong!” he exclaimed quietly. “That’s dangerous!”

“I know,” Taeyong said. He took Yuta’s hands. “But listen, Yuta, I needed to. I sent a letter to Lady Kang.”

Lady Kang? “What for?” Yuta asked.

“She’s had something very special to us for a while now,” Taeyong said. “I’ve asked her to bring it with her to Dongsu-ri. She should be arriving there before us, but she’ll wait.”

“Something special?”

It had been so long since Yuta had seen Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan. When had they last met? Had it been…?

Yuta looked at Taeyong. “You mean…”

“A baby, Yuta,” Taeyong said. His eyes were sparkling. “She has our baby.”

Yuta felt tears form in his eyes. He blinked them away. “Taeyong…”

“I know, Yuta,” Taeyong answered. 

A large bump made the wagon jump and they fell towards each other. Taeyong wrapped his arms around Yuta to keep him steady and Yuta held onto Taeyong’s waist, careful not to nudge his injured area.

Taeyong had healed significantly and Yuta was happy that there had been no complications. Taeyong would be able to move around with a bit of exercise and build up his strength again. Yuta was beginning to see everything pay off. All the hardships they went through… now, they’d be able to enjoy their time together.

The wagon eventually stopped and Dongyoung woke up. Taeil got off in the front and came around back, helping Dongyoung out. Together, they helped Yuta and Taeyong down. Key was there. He had something in his hands. He handed the large sack to Taeil.

“For helping me and keeping me company,” he said. “I’ve told Taeil here where to find my friend. He should be leaving soon. Hurry.”

The four of them said their goodbyes to Key. Yuta didn’t know when or if they would ever see the man again but he liked to hope that they would. And if they didn’t, Yuta would always have the memory. Such people are never forgotten.

Taeil looked through the sack as they ventured into Mullyu-ri, Dongyoung leading him behind Yuta and Taeyong.

It had a sense of familiarity. He remembered the night they stopped there. He and Youngho had stayed behind while Jeno and Donghyuck had gone to celebrate at a small festival for the Prince, for Taeyong. Yuta remembered the small figurine they had gotten him and Youngho.

He let out a small laugh.

“What?” Taeyong asked from beside him.

“I came here once, and I received a small glass figurine of you,” Yuta said after a second. “They were celebrating you the night we stopped here.”

“Were they?” Taeyong hummed. “Do you have it?”

“Ah,” Yuta said wistfully, “I wish I had brought it. I had it in our rooms, hidden well among other belongings.”

“Well, that’s all right,” Taeyong said. “I bet it was horrible.”

Yuta laughed again. “Nothing could compare to you,” he said.

Taeyong blushed. “You’ve gotten bolder, Yuta.”

“And that’s―” Yuta stopped when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He looked in that direction but saw nothing. Just men and women walking by.

“Yuta?”

“Something’s not right,” Yuta said under his breath. The hair on his arms stood on end and he felt an enormous wave of nervousness crawling all over his body. “We have to hurry.”

They hurried. Yuta led them across the village, through the center, to the other side, where merchants and other travelers were packing up and leaving. Yuta let go of Taeyong and rushed to the nearest man he could.

“Excuse me,” he said, grabbing attention. The man was large and burly, and while Yuta might’ve hesitated in approaching him, the sudden anxiety he had was enough to give him the confidence to step up to him. “We’re looking for a man named Woohyun. Would you happen to know where he is?”

The burly man frowned. “Woohyun, huh…” He clicked his tongue. “You just missed him. He left a moment ago.”

Yuta felt his heart drop. “Left?”

The man nodded. “Without a word,” he said. “A bit unusual, but he’s been a bit out of sorts recently.”

“Did he… was there anyone with him? Did anyone say anything to him before he left?”

The man snapped his fingers. “Yes, in fact, there was.” He hummed. “A tall, skinny guy came up to him. Bought something off him and gave him more than enough money for it.”

“No…” Yuta held back the sigh. He looked at the large man. “Well, thank you, sir.”

Yuta went back to Taeyong. He immediately sensed something was wrong.

“He left,” Yuta said.

“Left?”

Yuta sighed loudly. “There’s no other way,” he muttered. “We could walk but―”

“Let’s walk then,” Taeil interjected. “We’re all well enough to walk. Taeyong?”

“I’m fine,” Taeyong agreed. He grabbed Yuta by the shoulders, a pleading expression painted over his features. “Please, Yuta. We have to reach Dongsu-ri if we want to go to Modan-ri.”

“The walk is over a day,” Yuta said hesitantly.

“That’s fine.”

Yuta sighed again. “Well, if we’re going to walk, we must prepare for the heat,” he said. “Let’s buy some things for the night.”

They all ventured back into the village. Dongyoung and Taeil went off to buy some fruits and gather water in the canteens. Yuta and Taeyong trailed behind until they lost them.

“Are you upset?”

“I’d prefer we get a ride,” Yuta confessed. He looked at Taeyong. “But you’re right. We won’t be able to reach Modan-ri if we don’t make it by tomorrow. It’s better being stuck there than here.”

“I’m sorry, Yuta,” Taeyong said. He took Yuta’s hand. “I know it’s hard.”

“We’ll be home soon,” Yuta said. “And it’ll all be forgotten.”

“Right,” Taeyong said. He brought Yuta’s hand up and kissed the back softly. 

“Walking in the night…” Yuta huffed. “It makes me nervous.”

“Well, the sun will rise when we hit the halfway point,” Taeyong said. He swung their hands a bit between them. “We’ll see the sun and we’ll know, we’re almost there.”

“The sun,” Yuta repeated.

“I just want to see the sun, Yuta,” Taeyong said. “In the daylight, nothing will happen. It could be that we come across another traveler that can take us the rest of the way.”

“I promise,” Yuta said. “We’ll make it. We have to.”

The noise around the village began to die down as the night went on. Taeyong enjoyed looking at the stalls but he was not buying anything, so the owners told them to leave. They did, laughing together, and went to find Taeil and Dongyoung.

“Hey,” Yuta said, grabbing their attention. 

“We bought food,” Dongyoung said. He offered an apple. “Before we go.”

Yuta took it, biting into it. It was sweet. He sighed contently before handing it to Taeyong, who took a few bites from it. Yuta let Taeyong finish it off, knowing he was much more hungry than Yuta was.

Taeil finished paying for something, throwing it into their sacks. “Let’s go.”

The four of them returned to the other side of the village. It was empty now. They moved around the wagons that were there for the night and came out on the other side, a dirt road that went on forever, fields on either day of it. In the distance, under the moonlight, Yuta could make out the Yuksan Mountains.

“That’s where we’re going,” he said.

Taeyong looked towards it. “Amazing,” he whispered.

Yuta nodded. “The most wonderful thing you’ll ever see.”

They began walking, leaving behind Mullyu-ri. There were no lights on the road, nothing but the moon and her stars. It was enough to see where they were going, but Yuta couldn’t make out any real details of anything. But that didn’t matter.

He held Taeyong’s hand in his. Taeil and Dongyoung walked in front, speaking to each other.

“It’s quiet out here,” Taeyong commented.

“There’s no one out here to make noise,” Yuta said. “Empty.”

The silence was something that Yuta had grown used to. Modan-ri could be loud, but mostly, it was silent. When everyone was sleeping, it was the quietest place in the land, surrounded by tall trees, in the mountain range. Nothing ever reached them.

Yuta knew that some towns were large enough that they could be seen or heard by surrounding towns or villages, but Modan-ri had never been like that. Modan-ri stood by itself, with no friends surrounding it.

“It’s even quieter back home,” Yuta said.

“Is it?” Taeyong asked.

Yuta hummed.

It took a minute before Taeyong spoke again. “Well, let’s not disturb the silence,” he said.

They walked quietly. In front of them, Dongyoung and Taeil spoke until they ran out of things to say and then they were quiet as well.

The crunch of their shoes over the dirt road and their breathing was the only sound they could hear. Sometimes, the gentle wind would sway the crops planted in the fields of either side of the road, making the leaves rustle slightly, but that was it. Not even a bird or bug could be heard by them.

It was about four hours that they walked. 

The road seemed never-ending, but Yuta knew that by morning, they might be able to see the outskirts of Dongsu-ri. They’d still be a bit away, but at least then, someone might see them and come to fetch them to bring them in.

It was peaceful and the silence allowed Yuta to think.

Everything he thought he was going to lose, he was going to have.

It made his heart swell with happiness and love.

Yuta was about to turn to Taeyong when he heard it.

Somewhere, behind him, there was someone. He stopped, making Taeyong stop beside him.

“Yuta?” Taeyong whispered, looking behind them as well.

Yuta saw it.

A shadow moving in the night. It peeked out from the field and then when it realized that Yuta had seen it, it drew a weapon. 

A gun.

“Taeyong, get behind me,” Yuta said, already stepping in front of Taeyong, pushing him back.

“Yuta?” Taeyong didn’t see it. He was confused. “Yuta, what do you see?”

“Yuta?” Taeil asked.

The shadow stepped out from the field. It was several meters away, but Yuta could see it.

They had been followed all this time? For what? Just to kill them?

Taeyong seemed to finally see the shadow. “Yuta, move!” he yelled frantically as he grabbed Yuta by the shoulders and pulled him aside, making him fall onto the ground below. 

Yuta reached for Taeyong, wanting to grab him and pull him down. He saw the shadow aim his barrel at Taeyong and gasped.

Time seemed to slow down. Taeyong was too far for him to reach and his hand was moving too slow. He couldn’t reach Taeyong. He let out a cry.

Behind them, Dongyoung was drawing a gun as well, aiming it at the man. But Yuta knew that it was too late. The man had already pulled back the trigger.

The sound of the bullet leaving the barrel was a sound that would remain with Yuta forever. He screamed when he saw the bullet moving through the air, catching the moonlight as it crossed the distance between the man and Taeyong.

Whereas Yuta felt as though he was moving slowly, the bullet seemed to move quicker. Yuta grabbed Taeyong, making him turn around. He pulled as hard as he could, wanting to bring him down to the ground. Dongyoung would kill the man, he wanted to tell Taeyong.

But just as Taeyong turned around, his entire body seemed to jump. A look of surprise crossed his face and then his eyes traveled down to meet Yuta’s. He hunched over, his other hand coming to clutch as his stomach.

Too slow.

Yuta was moving too slow.

By the time he had gathered himself, Taeyong was already on the floor, panting out. Yuta turned him onto his back and brought him up, bringing his head to rest on his thighs. He pushed back Taeyong’s hair, revealing his forehead.

“No,” Yuta cried. He clutched at the front of Taeyong’s coat frantically before letting go and pulling the coat open. Taeyong’s hand fell away, and even in the dim light of the moon, Yuta could see the dark blood on his palm. “No, you can’t do this. Not again, Taeyong, I just had you with me. We… we were going to see our baby, and go home.”

Yuta felt like he was in his worst nightmare. It was a repetition of what had happened before. But Yuta wasn’t sure that they would be able to find any help around them at this time of night. There was no one in sight as far as his eyes could see.

He looked up. Dongyoung had also fired his gun and it had struck the man down. Meters away, Dongyoung was standing over him. Without any hesitance, he aimed his gun down and shot. 

Yuta looked away, but the ringing remained in his ear.

“Taeyong,” he choked out, tears falling from his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but only more came. “Please. Please, don’t leave me.”

“Yuta,” Taeyong managed to say. His voice sounded strained. “It hurts much more than being stabbed.”

“Taeyong,” Yuta cried.

Yuta could see the pained expression cross his face. “I’m dying,” he said quietly.

“Don’t talk,” Yuta hushed. “Don’t say that.”

Taeil appeared beside Yuta, dropping onto his knees. “Taeyong,” he said.

“Taeil,” Yuta cried, looking at him, “We have to help him.”

“We…” Taeil pulled off his coat and began pulling at it. The sound of the fabric ripping rang through the night air. “We have to stop the bleeding quickly.”

Taeil’s voice shook as he spoke. For the first time, Yuta saw Taeil look nervous and unsure. Taeil wrapped the sleeve of his coat under Taeyong and then tied a knot on the side, pulling tight. He looked at Taeyong and Yuta with wide eyes.

“I don’t know if this will be enough,” he confessed. He wiped his palms on the front of his shirt, the dark color staining the white cotton. Taeil grimaced but continued until most of the blood was off his hands.

Yuta felt Taeyong’s blood on his own hands, but he didn’t care about cleaning his hands off. He just held onto Taeyong, carefully readjusting him over his thighs so that it was much more comfortable for him.

Taeyong’s eyes open and closed, flickering almost like a light.

“He’s lost a lot of blood,” Dongyoung’s voice said. He dropped down into a crouch on Yuta’s other side. He reached out and ran his fingers through Taeyong’s hair. “It’s all right, Taeyong. We’re all here.”

Yuta looked at Dongyoung. “We can carry him,” he said. His voice sounded panicked and scared. It wasn’t him speaking. It didn’t sound like him. He was speaking without thinking. “We have to carry him. I…”

His mind reminded him of something. His mother had told him… and then Youngho had…

“I know someone in Dongsu-ri,” Yuta said. “She will help us. Her family has helped me before.”

“Yuta, that’s…”

“Dongyoung, please!” Yuta exclaimed. “She can help us.”

Taeil spoke this time. “I don’t think―”

Yuta let out a wordless, watery cry. “Please!” he exclaimed, holding onto Taeyong’s face. He looked at him, taking in his features. Yuta’s hands left blood streaked across his cheeks, but in the dark, one couldn’t even tell that it was blood. Taeyong looked peaceful, eyes closed and mouth parted slightly. His chest barely rose and fell, and Yuta could hear his faint breathing. “Taeyong, can you hear me?” Yuta asked

Taeyong closed his mouth and hummed.

“Taeyong, we’re going to carry you,” Yuta said.

Taeyong’s eyes opened. He looked towards Taeil and then Dongyoung. And then Yuta. There was a certain haziness to his eyes. “Leave me alone with Yuta,” he muttered.

Taeil stood and pulled Dongyoung up, taking him a few steps away.

“Taeyong?”

Taeyong gave his best smile. He reached up and caressed Yuta’s cheek. “Yuta, my love,” he said, “You’re crying.”

“I’m not crying because I want to,” Yuta replied. He pulled a hand back and wiped at his eyes with the back of it. 

“You’ve always cried too much,” Taeyong said. It looked like he wanted to laugh, but nothing came out. “But that’s what makes you, you, and I love it. You’re never afraid to show your feelings like that.”

“Stop talking,” Yuta said. “You’ll tire yourself out. You have to be quiet, Taeyong.”

“I was quiet for four hours,” Taeyong replied. “Now, I only have moments to say everything I need to.”

Yuta felt his breath catch in his throat and he choked. “No,” he managed to say. “Don’t say that.”

Taeyong tried to push himself up, but he couldn’t. Yuta caught him, helping up sit up a bit. Taeyong began to breathe a bit harder.

The sleeve around his waist was not helping. The blood was still coming out. Yuta looked at it and saw how it became soaked in blood, the light blue color now dark.

“You’re still bleeding,” Yuta said quietly. He blinked. “I have to wrap more around you.”

Taeyong grabbed Yuta by the wrist. “Stop it, Yuta,” he said. He looked up at Yuta with a hard expression. “Don’t look at me with your face like that. Close your eyes.”

“Taeyong, I―”

“Close your eyes, Yuta.”

Yuta did. He felt Taeyong’s thumb trace circles on the back of his hand.

“You must go this alone,” Taeyong said, panting hard now. Yuta opened his eyes again, ready to protest but the words got caught in the back of his throat. Taeyong grimaced when he moved in Yuta’s arms. “I won’t make it, Yuta.”

Yuta felt the tears slide down his cheeks. He licked his lips and tasted the saltiness. “No, you will,” he whispered. “You have to. We’re so close.”

“My heart will grow tired,” he said, “And my legs will grow numb.”

“I won’t leave you here.” Yuta looked over Taeyong’s tired features again. “You told me to stay with you, and I will. I said I’d stay with you forever.”

“Yuta…”

“I will never let you go,” Yuta said. “I said I never would leave.”

Taeyong wheezed a bit, coughing. No blood came out, but from the amount of blood coming out from his injury, Yuta knew that it didn’t matter. It was too much.

“Breath,” Yuta said, “Just keep breathing, Taeyong.”

Taeyong said nothing more. Yuta looked back at Dongyoung and Taeil. They came back over and together, they hoisted Taeyong up onto his feet. Yuta stood and hooked one of his arms around him. Dongyoung took the other side.

“We have to move quickly,” Yuta said, tears drying on his face. He stared at the road ahead. “We have to.”

They began to walk again but at a much slower pace. 

Every few seconds, Taeyong let out a pained groan. Yuta had an arm around Taeyong’s waist, holding him up, and the other holding onto Taeyong’s hand on his shoulder.

After half an hour, Taeil offered to relieve Yuta, but Yuta declined. Instead, Dongyoung had switched out, Taeil taking his spot on the other side of Taeyong.

“Taeyong, keep breathing,” Yuta said as they jostled him around a bit to successful switch Dongyoung and Taeil.

Taeyong let out a low hum, reassuring Yuta that he was still there.

It only got harder and harder.

Two hours passed and Yuta felt like he could no longer bear the weight on his shoulders. Taeyong was getting weaker and weaker, his legs not being able to hold him up anymore. They were carrying him at this point.

The bleeding didn’t seem to be stopping either. In their wake, they left a trail of blood, blood that dripped down from Taeyong’s clothes. Yuta knew that Taeyong was beginning to leave them.

“We have to stop,” Taeil panted.

They did. Dongyoung came over and helped them get Taeyong down onto the ground. He lay on his back. Yuta kneeled beside him, holding his hand.

“Taeyong,” he said, “Keep breathing.”

Another low hum.

“We’re going to rest here for a while,” Yuta said. He looked at Taeil and Dongyoung, who nodded. “We’ll see if anyone comes by to take us the rest of the way. Someone will come.”

Yuta repeated the words countless times. He said them under his breath, just for himself. Just to reassure himself. Someone will come. 

Someone will come.

Each repetition was more desperate than the last.

Someone will come.

Yuta brought Taeyong over his lap, one hand in Taeyong’s and the other on Taeyong’s head, fingers slowly combing through his hair. He began to rock a bit as he did so.

“Someone will come,” he repeated.

Another hum from Taeyong.

Yuta could feel Taeyong’s hand growing weaker in his and his body was beginning to lose warmth. The amount of blood had decreased, but it was still coming out and soaking the sleeve wrapped around him. Yuta knew that it was hopeless.

Half an hour had passed and they remained there, in the dark.

One hour. Taeil and Dongyoung began to share looks.

Two hours. Yuta could see the sun in the distance, peeking over mountain range far away.

Yuta looked towards Taeyong. The color had been washed from his face and he was shaking. Yuta could see the sweat forming at his hairline. Yuta pushed back his head, feeling the sweat against his palm.

“It’s okay,” Yuta said, slowly combing through Taeyong’s hair again. “You’re okay.”

Taeyong’s breathing had changed as well. Instead of slow, long breaths, they were short and quick, making his chest rise and fall quickly. Yuta let go of Taeyong’s hand and placed it on his chest, making him stop.

“Slowly,” Yuta whispered.

“I…”

Yuta’s lips turned down into a frown. “No, no,” he murmured. “Don’t say anything.”

“Yuta,” Taeyong continued away. It was difficult for him to talk now. Yuta could see him struggling. He was straining himself to come up with the words and move his mouth. “You have to go now.”

Yuta gave Taeyong a sad smile. “No, Taeyong,” he said. “I’ll be here.”

“Go, Yuta,” Taeyong muttered.

His eyes were droopy and Yuta wasn’t sure how long he had left. Minutes, seconds.

“Taeyong,” Yuta said gently, “I’m staying here.”

He carefully took Taeyong’s head and brought it to the ground. He removed his hand from Taeyong’s chest. He laid down beside Taeyong, his hand finding Taeyong’s again.

“I’m staying right here,” Yuta said again.

He looked up at the sky. There were still some stars in the sky, but they were beginning to disappear as the sun rose. The deep violet was fading into beautiful reds, oranges, pinks, and yellows.

“The sun,” Yuta said.

“The sun,” Taeyong repeated.

Yuta heard him take a few deep breaths.

“The sun is our halfway point,” Yuta reminded. They weren’t anywhere near halfway. They had walked so slowly and then they had stopped here for a few hours. But it didn’t hurt Yuta or Taeyong to pretend for a moment. “We’re halfway home.”

“You’re halfway home,” Taeyong managed to say through heavy breaths. “Seulgi will meet you there with the baby.”

“Taeyong,” Yuta said. He sat up and looked towards Taeyong. 

His eyes were now completely closed and Yuta could barely see the rise and fall of his chest. His hand felt limp in Yuta’s hold.

“The baby, Taeyong,” Yuta said, reaching for Taeyong and pulling his head back onto his lap. Yuta caressed Taeyong’s face. “Think of the baby, Taeyong.”

Suddenly, Taeyong’s hand came up. He wrapped his fingers around Yuta’s wrist, taking him by surprise. 

“Yuta, I don’t want to die,” Taeyong whispered. 

His eyes didn’t open. Yuta wasn’t sure if he still could open them.

Yuta blinked back the tears. He held back the sob that wanted to escape. “It hurts?”

Taeyong gave him a small nod. “I want to stay with you,” he continued, voice growing softer and softer. “Forever.”

Yuta felt his heart break. 

He shifted a bit, bringing Taeyong up closer and higher, holding his head against his chest. Taeyong hummed, pressing his face against the front of Yuta’s coat. The blood there had dried now. Yuta held Taeyong tighter as he continued humming.

Taeyong was dying. In his arms, Taeyong was dying.

Yuta would have to live a life without Taeyong after all.

The tears began to fall, spilling down and hitting Taeyong’s hair and face. Yuta bit his bottom lip as he felt it quiver. He closed his eyes.

Behind his eyelids, he saw Taeyong. But not the Taeyong in front of him.

He saw Taeyong, dressed in a white suit with intricate gold details, descending a grand staircase underneath a bright summer sun, eyes cold and distant. He saw Taeyong stepping in front of him, looking him up and down, reaching to grab Yuta’s face. The first touch, the first smile…

Yuta saw Taeyong underneath the glow of the sun with stained glass windows. He felt Taeyong take his left hand. He heard Taeyong’s voice, clear as day.

_I take you to be my husband. To have and to hold from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish…_

The scene changed. Yuta was now in the dark library in the Prince’s wing, reaching out for Taeyong, gingerly touching the large bruise that had begun to form on his face. Yuta felt the anger course through him, just as it had at that moment.

“To defend you, to protect you,” Taeyong said, making Yuta catch his breath.

Before Yuta could look at Taeyong, the scene changed back.

_Till death do us part, according to the Heavens’ holy law; and this is my solemn vow._

Taeyong slipped the ring on Yuta’s finger.

Taeyong held onto Yuta’s hand. They wore the same suits.

“Your Highness, please stay still.”

Lady Kim switched brushes and continued, a smile forming on her face. She was very pleased with how her work was coming along. She looked back at them.

“You visited the Southern Manor after the wedding?”

“We did,” Taeyong replied. He squeezed Yuta’s hand.

A flash.

Yuta falling onto his back and Taeyong crawling up the bed, straddling him. Hands everywhere. Lips everywhere. Hot, something hot against his skin, almost like fire wherever Taeyong touched. The walls around them transformed, no longer the room in the Southern Manor but Yuta’s room in the Dong household, far away from the palace.

“Kiss me,” Yuta said, grabbing Taeyong’s face. “Kiss me properly.”

“I swear I love you,” Taeyong said before closing the space between them with a rough kiss.

It was their bed again. A night with rain pelting against the window and a fire crackling.

Hot, hot, hot. Yuta moaned underneath Taeyong, clawing at his back, leaving his mark there. Pushing and pulling. Taeyong repeating Yuta’s name over and over, again and again.

Taeyong pulled away and there was a twinkling in his eyes. Yuta broke the silence.

“When you look at me like that, what do you see?”

“The person I love,” Taeyong replied.

_The person I love._

Person became people. For both of them. Yuta stared at Taeyong, looking down at a child in his arms with the same look, but more intensely. Yuta’s heart swelled with something he didn’t recognize at first but then he put a name to it.

Love.

“Oppa said he loved you, but you didn’t love him back.”

Curious eyes, bright and brown, blinking at him. Knowing too much and not knowing enough of the world around her.

“Should I tell him that I like him?”

Eunbi pushed him away and Yuta was in their rooms, a familiar portrait hanging above the fireplace. Sitting on a plush sofa before that instead of in front of Eunbi. Taeyong beside him, waiting for him to speak.

“Do you love me?”

“I do.”

_What if I’ve come to love you? What if I don’t think I’d be able to live happily in another life knowing that you don’t love me?_

“I did a lot of thinking… about what to do.”

Yuta felt his heart race.

_Death, ma’am._

“But I can’t do that. Not to you.”

_No one else’s life to take but yours._

Strong hands digging into Yuta’s arms, dragging him away, but then they were replaced with gentle hands, pulling him close, cradling him against something warm. He felt a heartbeat, heard a heartbeat.

“I do think about it sometimes,” Taeil’s voice rang, “But I know that I’ve already had the greatest love of my life, and that is enough for me.”

He looked at Yuta with wistful eyes. There was no denying that Taeil had loved her greatly. Taeil’s face changed and then Yuta was looking at Taeyong again, a dreamier expression on his face, painted over his features like a beautiful landscape.

“You are the greatest,” Taeyong said, pulling away. Yuta was confused. “The greatest thing to happen to me.”

“You say things like that and I wonder how I ever held myself back.”

“From the start, I was taken by you. How could someone like you, come into this world and be kept hidden away? A complete treasure, the kingdom’s treasure.”

_I think Na Yuta is a suspicious person._

“Yuta?”

_I’d give my life for Yuta without any hesitation._

“I can’t be the kingdom’s treasure,” Yuta breathed out, “But I can be yours.”

_I am yours, only yours, in the same way you are mine._

“Do you love me?”

It wasn’t Yuta asking the question now. It was Taeyong. Yuta opened his mouth to answer.

“Yuta.”

He felt a rush. Taeyong disappeared. He opened his eyes, staring down at what he held in his arms.

The body in his hands was growing weaker and weaker with every second the passed.

“Taeyong,” Yuta said, feeling dazed.

“Yuta, I never said it enough, but I love you so much,” Taeyong said. Yuta wanted to stop him. Taeyong had said it in everything he did and said. Yuta wanted to cry, but he felt spent, having nothing else to give. “I know that you will be okay without me.”

“I can’t lose you,” Yuta murmured. He stared at Taeyong’s face. His eyes were getting glassier, the life leaving them slowly but surely. “But I can’t keep you either.”

“I don’t want to die,” Taeyong repeated.

“I know,” Yuta said.

_Take care of my brother._

“It’s okay to go.”

“Yuta?”

“I love you, Taeyong,” Yuta whispered, pressing a kiss to Taeyong’s forehead.

In his arms, Taeyong remained unmoving, eyes closed.

* * *

News of a carriage arrived in the early morning. There were talks about it being a wealthy lord that was coming to court one of the ladies of Modan-ri and more rumors about it being a lady looking for one of the gentlemen of Modan-ri.

Yuta ignored the talk. He was never one to involve himself too deeply in the conversations that floated around the village. Instead, he woke up and got ready for the day, pulling on his thickest and heaviest cloak to keep himself warm. 

He would be going out today to work. His mother had gone to work and so had Haruna, around dawn, and it was only Yuta, Jaemin, and his father inside the small, cold house. There would be no work for them today, but they were running out of firewood and his father was beginning to get old. It was Yuta’s job to help out now that he was back.

He picked up the ax his father used and pushed open the door, feeling the winter chill nip at his nose and cheeks. Winter was always difficult in Modan-ri as they were all tucked in a large mountain range far up north, but a lifetime of living in Modan-ri had Yuta accustomed to it.

He let out a huff, seeing the white puff that left his lips before it disappeared into thin air. He stepped outside and closed the door behind him. He placed the ax blade down and against the door so he could slip on his gloves. His mother had made them for him as a gift.

She had been able to purchase rich, thick material from the big town to make them, which kept Yuta’s hands warmer than the gloves he had growing up. Yuta flexed his fingers a few times, getting the blood through them to warm up in the cold before he picked up the ax once more.

There was no one outside as he walked down the street. The roads had been cleared of snow in the middle of the night but some of the other men, but still, no one was out and about. Today was most definitely colder than usual. Only those that needed to be would be seen out in the snow, tending to their business.

It was quiet, but nature provided her sounds to keep him company as he walked away from the village, towards the outskirts, where there was more forest than houses. He heard the crunch of the snow underneath him as he ventured off the cobblestone road, towards the area where most everyone got their firewood. The howling wind whistled in his ears as he got further away, nothing protecting him from the nips that it gave him.

He made it to the small area. There were many stumps of trees that had been cut already, leaving the area somewhat barren compared to the rest of the forest, where the tall trees loomed overhead. He saw Jeno’s father there, ax in hand, walking around and surveying the trees.

“Mr. Lee,” Yuta greeted, catching his attention.

He turned around, surprised. He looked much like Jeno, anyone would be able to spot it from far away. They had similar eyes and noses. And when Mr. Lee smiled a Yuta in greeting, he concluded that they also had similar smiles, smiles that made their eyes crinkle up into small crescents on his face.

“Oh, Yuta!” he exclaimed. He raised a hand to cover his face from the snow that was falling. “Very nice seeing you here.”

“It’s always a pleasure, Mr. Lee,” Yuta replied with a smile. He came closer, the snow giving way underneath his shoes with a loud crunch. “No work today?”

Mr. Lee shook his head. “Nothing for me today,” he said with a smile. “Mrs. Lee sent me out here to get some more wood.”

Yuta nodded. He left Mr. Lee alone and let him tend to his business. He ventured a bit further, trying to find a bare tree he could take down. He heard the faint noise of Mr. Lee’s ax hitting bark and the loud grunts he released. Yuta sighed, his breath coming out in a big white puff.

He went until he could no longer hear Mr. Lee. He found two good trees and decided on taking down the smaller one. It wouldn’t be too hard to carry back once he chopped it down into smaller pieces of a more manageable size. 

It would be enough for now. He’d come back in a few days to get more firewood with Haruna.

He fixed the hat on his head, brushing away any snow that got stuck to his hair and eyelashes. He heaved the ax up, gripping it with both hands and raising it over his shoulder. He brought it down and turned it sideways, hitting the tree hard. The thud echoed in the surrounding area for a second or two. The blade got caught and he let out a small grunt as he began to pull it out.

It took him several minutes to pull it out from the tree.

It had been so long since he had worked like this. His wrists had healed within the first month he arrived, leaving no visible scarring there. His leg had gotten better, though it ached terribly in the middle of the night when it was too cold, his mother assured him that it was normal to feel that. 

He had tried to spend the summer and autumn slowing working up to get back his strength, and for the most part, he had. He had done small jobs that didn’t require much physically but still helped him get more comfortable with the feeling of going through long hours of labor again. But this was so much more.

It would be forever before he took down this tree and brought it back.

Yuta huffed, placing a hand on his knee and hunching over to catch his breath. “Come on,” he told himself under his breath. “Come on.”

He straightened up and heaved the ax back up, fixing his grip on the handle. He brought it down and the sound echoed for a second. Again, he struggled to pull the blade back out.

A few more hits made it easier. The tree trunk began to give way a bit more each time Yuta brought the ax down into the crevice he had created. It felt like nearly an hour had passed and he was still about a third of the way done.

He was getting closer to getting it down though. Progress was progress.

Just as he raised the ax once more and was about to swing, a voice called his name. 

Yuta swung the ax and it hit the tree. He pulled it out with a deep grunt, the blade dropping into the white snow below, now dotted with chipped pieces of bark. He turned around, seeing Mr. Lee there.

“Mr. Lee,” Yuta said, straightened up. He cleared his throat and felt his face flush warm. Despite being in the cold, trying to get the tree down had warmed him up and his blushing only made him warmer. “Do you need help?”

“No, no,” Mr. Lee said with a wave of his hand. He was looking at Yuta with curious eyes. It made him look younger, such a look. “Jeno came to find me and said that someone is looking for you. It sounded like quite an emergency. I think you should go, son.”

Yuta felt panic begin to bubble in his stomach. “An emergency?”

“Jeno said very little about what it was about, but that it was urgent.”

“Oh, thank you, Mr. Lee,” Yuta said. He looked at the tree but quickly turned away. “I’ll be going now.”

“Would you like me to take this one down for you? I’ll have Jeno bring the wood to your papa.”

“I couldn’t accept, Mr. Lee,” Yuta said with an apologetic smile. He began to step away, back through where he came earlier. “Thank you, though.”

“Nonsense,” Mr. Lee called after him. “We’re like family! I’ll have Jeno do it!”

Yuta was too far to say anything else. He only caught Mr. Lee’s reassuring smile.

He hurried back, making his way through the forest quickly. He nearly slipped on the snow a few times but managed to catch himself before he hit the ground. He broke through the trees and back onto the cobblestone road and slowed down, but still moving anxiously towards his home.

He saw a large carriage waiting outside the house. He didn’t recognize it and it only made worry coil in his stomach. He rushed to the front door of the house and pushed it open. 

He stepped inside and closed the door behind him, but he didn’t make it any further. He stopped in front of the doorway, taking in the sight before him. He blinked a few times. He raised his free hand and rubbed his eyes, wondering if what he was seeing was real.

The two young women sitting on the ground around the table stood up, smoothing out their dresses as they turned towards Yuta.

“Na Yuta,” one of them said.

Yuta was rendered speechless. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He could only stare at them.

His eyes drifted to his mother, who was standing up and smoothing down her clothes. She placed her hands on her hips when she was done and looked at Yuta with a frown. “Well, will you greet the ladies or not?” she asked.

The two ladies looked at each other and laughed, reaching out to grab each other’s hands. Yuta only watched in awe. He must be dreaming.

“Lady Kang,” Yuta finally managed to say. “Lady Son.”

“Now, Yuta, we were closer than that.”

“Lady Seulgi,” Yuta corrected.

Lady Seulgi broke out into a bright smile. She let go of her wife’s hand and walked towards Yuta, arms open. She embraced him tightly and he stood there. After a few seconds, his mind registered what was happening and he reciprocated, wrapping his arms around her back.

He pulled away and took her in. She was real. He looked towards Lady Seungwan.

This prompted her to come closer. Lady Seulgi stepped away so Lady Seungwan could also embrace him. Yuta answered much quicker this time, his arms automatically going around her small frame and holding her.

He stepped back and looked at them both.

Lady Seulgi looked the same, but her hair looked much longer than it had been the last time Yuta had seen her. Her cheeks were rosy, though he wasn’t sure if it was makeup or the cold. Her hair was pulled up into a simple hairdo void of any decorations. Her dress was also rather simple, looking like something Momoka would wear.

Lady Seungwan was wearing a similar dress but in a darker brown color. It suited her, and she looked more comfortable than Lady Seulgi. But the thing that stood out most to Yuta about Lady Seungwan was that her hair had but cut short. It wasn’t uncommon to see such short hair, but it wasn’t something that he saw often. It was cut to her chin, the ends of her hair just grazing her shoulder slightly.

“You cut your hair,” Yuta said.

Lady Seungwan laughed and her hair swayed along. “Is that all you have to say to me after all this time?”

Yuta sputtered. “I―Lady Seungwan, I’m sorry,” he managed to say.

She shook her head. “It’s no issue,” she said. She looked at him curiously, tilting her head to the side. “You’ve cut your hair as well.”

Yuta reached up to grab the ends of his hair. It was shorter now, just like it had been over a year ago. 

It hadn’t been his decision to cut it. He hadn’t even been awake when it had happened. His mother had done it herself. She hadn’t been too fond of it, but she had never seen Yuta in his best. When Yuta came to her, he was covered in blood and barely breathing. He was nothing like himself, or at least nothing like the Yuta his mother knew. He understood, so he wasn’t too upset about it.

If Yuta wanted to grow it out again, he could. She couldn’t tell him otherwise.

“My mother took off quite a bit, didn’t she?” Yuta asked.

Lady Seungwan laughed again and Lady Seulgi joined.

“Well,” Lady Seulgi said, reaching out to take his arm and pull him further inside. She led him back to the table and let him go to sit on the cushion on the floor. Lady Seungwan took the cushion across her. Lady Seulgi motioned to the remaining one. “Sit. We have to talk.”

Yuta’s mother looked at the three of them. She didn’t sit back down. Instead, she let out a small sigh and smiled. “Well, I’ll check on your father, dear. Please take your time,” she said.

Before Yuta could ask her to stay, she was already moving away and disappearing behind the door that led to the room she shared with Yuta’s father. Yuta closed his mouth, the request dying on his tongue, and looked at each of the ladies.

Their cheerful expressions become quite solemn. Yuta had a feeling he knew where this would be going rather soon. He felt something heavy settle on his chest and he let out a long breath, waiting for one of them to start speaking.

Lady Seulgi was the first to speak. She reached out and placed a warm hand over Yuta’s. She squeezed it. Her words felt like bricks being stacked onto his chest, heavier and heavier until he couldn’t breathe anymore. “Yuta, it has been half a year.”

“I’d rather not talk about this,” Yuta said honestly. He tried pulling his hand out from under Lady Seulgi’s but she held onto it tightly. He looked at her, desperate. “Please.”

“Yuta, there are things I need to tell you about him,” she said. She had a desperation to her voice as well that made him pause. She looked at him with wide, imploring eyes. “Don’t you want to know what he told me?”

Yuta blinked at her.

Did he?

Did he want to know what his dead husband’s words to his closest friend were? What could Lady Seulgi say that Taeyong hadn’t told Yuta himself? There was nothing more to say about it. And if there was, Yuta didn’t know if his body could bear it.

Yuta had spent months in pain. He had been recovering physically, yes. His body had to regain its strength and he had to learn how to do things again, like a child that was beginning to learn how to move. But he had also gone through emotional trauma and no one had told him how to recover from it.

The doctors had helped him get back into a healthy condition, giving him different treatments, tending to his wounds. Yuta’s mother had helped as well, using her extensive knowledge to help him heal. But there was no touching his emotional state.

Yuta spent nights with his leg aching, phantom pains of what had happened coming back to him and making him panic, but he also spent nights with an aching heart, a piece of it missing. It was a phantom pain that never went away, not even in the day when there was clarity. It was always reminding Yuta that something was missing, someone was missing.

Taeyong had died. In his arms.

There was no recovering from that.

Here in Modan-ri, Taeyong was nothing but a memory to the people around him. No one knew Taeyong, not in the way that Yuta knew him. His family and friends had seen him, but they had only seen the outer surface that Taeyong showed everyone that met him. There was so much more to Taeyong than the polite princely person he had put on show for the world.

Yuta knew it. He knew all the different faces Taeyong could have. But there was no explaining them. The depth to which Taeyong felt things or saw things was so intricate that Yuta couldn’t put it into words. There was no beginning to describe the complex person that he was.

His friends and family would never know how it was to see Taeyong smiling, unguarded and free, absolutely vulnerable to those in front of him. The moments where Taeyong was not a prince, but just a person, like anyone else. 

They would never know how it felt to speak to him about the things he loved, hearing the passion in his voice and the intense love in his eyes. 

Taeyong loved his family. He loved his kingdom. He loved to learn and teach. He could speak about music and food for hours. He wrote thousands upon thousands of things that Yuta couldn’t even begin to comprehend, from poems about sunny spring days to laws that he wanted to put into place, pen flying over the paper, not fast enough for him to get every word he wanted onto the page.

All Yuta could do was speak about him. He only had his words to describe him. But Taeyong would never be more than a ghost of a person that once was to the people that listened to Yuta. It made him feel crazy. He was the only one who knew Taeyong as if he had imagined him one day and spent nearly a year of his life in a dream. 

His parents listened, but they always wore a look of pity on their faces. His sisters smiled sadly at him, telling him it must be hard. His friends tried their best to comfort him, but they didn’t know how it felt to lose the greatest love of their lives.

Yuta received nothing. No one could begin to understand what had happened to him while he was away. His life had changed so much. He had changed for much. No one seemed to grasp the extent of that change and the pain that Yuta felt course within him.

So Yuta didn’t speak of him at all anymore.

But Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan had known him. They had seen him, just like Yuta had. They were the only people that could tell Yuta that Taeyong wasn’t just a dream, he wasn’t just a figment of Yuta’s imagination. He had been a real person. A real, beautiful person and Yuta had loved him.

Yuta looked at Lady Seungwan and then at Lady Seulgi. He felt the tears form in his eyes.

“Oh, Yuta,” Lady Seungwan murmured, reaching out to take his other hand. She traced comforting circles on the back of his hand with her thumb.

Yuta blinked and the tears fell. “I have nothing left of him,” he said.

He looked at each of them. They were blurred behind his tears, but he could see the sad expressions on their faces. He dropped his head and tears fell onto the tabletop.

“I have nothing to remember him by,” Yuta said, voice barely above a whisper. “I hold onto all the memories I have because I know that one day, I won’t remember him at all. I will forget the sound of his voice, the shape of his eyes, the feeling of his hands… Already, I struggle to remember the details about him that I loved so much.”

Yuta was shaking. Lady Seulgi got off the cushion and came to sit beside him, letting go of his hand to wrap her arms around him. She pulled him close and laid his head against her chest. Yuta cried even harder.

He had tried to hold onto everything he could remember about Taeyong, but it was slipping out of his fingers quickly. There were too many things that Yuta wanted to remember, but having all those memories was painful for him.

He held the memory of the first time Taeyong said he loved him close. They had just been married and Yuta had pulled Taeyong away from the celebrations. With glittering eyes and alcohol on his breath, Taeyong had told Yuta he loved him. It had been such a bold declaration at the time, but Yuta couldn’t help but wonder now if Taeyong had truly meant it. They had been married for less than a day, and Taeyong might have already loved Yuta. And that made Yuta feel a million things all at once.

Yuta had never told Taeyong that he loved him while he was still alive and breathing. He had come close only once. The first and only time he had ever mentioned the possibility of loving Taeyong.

_What if I love you?_

It had been the only thing Yuta had told Taeyong, but it had been enough for them both. It had been those words that moved them forward. And Yuta had watched his uncertain feelings become the strongest feelings he ever had towards a person. Never again did he think he’d ever feel so strongly towards a person.

There were other moments that Yuta held onto, but all of Taeyong’s declarations of love were the ones he loved to remember most, even if it hurt him to do so. He got into bed each night, wondering if he would feel Taeyong place a kiss on his forehead and whisper the words like he had done so many nights before. Yuta woke, hoping to hear Taeyong’s voice, declaring his love for Yuta for the day and rolling over to kiss him, even though they both had just woken up.

“I never once told him I love him,” Yuta said, voice shaking. He pulled away from Lady Seulgi. She placed a hand on either shoulder and looked at him with sad eyes. He blinked a few times, the tears slowly coming out and running down his cheeks. “He always told me that he loved me, and I never once said the words back to him.”

“Yuta,” Lady Seulgi whispered. Her voice was shaking as well. “You never had to say them for him to know.”

“What?”

Lady Seulgi let him go. She took a handkerchief that Lady Seungwan offered and dabbed at her eyes. Lady Seungwan offered one to Yuta as well and he took it, gingerly dabbing at his eyes to clean his face. He sniffled as he watched Lady Seulgi turn to the other side and reach for something pushed underneath the table.

She brought it up onto the table. It was a deep blue box. It wasn’t too large, but it was large enough to be holding something like books. It looked like it was made of leather. It had a golden clasp holding it shut. There was no indication of what it was or what it held.

Yuta looked at Lady Seulgi, uncertain. She only nodded.

With a shaking hand, he undid the clasp. He didn’t open the box though. He was afraid of what was inside. 

What could Lady Seulgi have for him? Had she taken something of Taeyong’s?

“Open it,” Lady Seulgi urged gently.

After a moment’s hesitation, Yuta pulled up the top of the box. The top hit the table, a small thud sounding through the room.

It seemed to surprise the ladies but Yuta didn’t flinch. He was staring at the box’s contents. 

The box had… papers. 

It looked like there were dozens of papers, folded and placed carefully into the box. He couldn’t see what was written on any of them if there was anything at all.

He looked towards Lady Seulgi. “Papers?”

“Letters,” she clarified.

Yuta let out a surprised gasp. “Letters?” He reached for one. He didn’t unfold it. He just held it in between his fingers. He looked at her again. “ _His_ letters?”

Lady Seulgi gave him a solemn nod. She looked at the letters. There was something wistful about her expression. She looked like she wanted to reach out and take one as well. “We exchanged letters for years, hundreds of them since we were young adults. These here… these are the ones he sent to me starting last year, during the sixth month.”

“All of these?” Yuta pushed himself up onto his knees so he could look inside the box from above. There were dozens of letters all pressed together as tight as possible, going up to the top of the box. “Just from one year?”

“The last letter I received from him…” Lady Seulgi paused. She looked away from him. 

Seungwan got up and quickly circled the table, dropping down onto her knees beside her wife. She murmured some comforting words to her. “You’re okay,” she whispered. “Seulgi, you’re okay.”

It took a few moments for Lady Seulgi to turn back from him. There were tears in her eyes. Her lips quivered and as she spoke, her voice wavered. “The last letter I received from him was dated to four days before it all happened,” she said. “It’s in there, with all of them. They’re all there. I made sure of it.”

“Lady Seulgi,” Yuta choked out. He felt fresh tears form in his eyes. He looked at the folded paper in his hands. “Thank you.”

“He would’ve wanted me to give them to you,” she said, sniffling. She gave him a smile despite the tears that had now begun to fall from her eyes. “He wrote about you so much. It wouldn’t be right of me to keep these letters.”

Yuta brought the letter to his chest. “It means the world to me.” 

He looked at the box. All these letters. Each one had Taeyong’s words. All his thoughts and feelings, forever printed on the paper. And Lady Seulgi had traveled all this way to give them to Yuta.

Yuta didn’t have much to remember Taeyong by. There was a ring on his finger and a child sleeping in his bed, and while the association to Taeyong was strong, it didn’t have anything that indicated that he ever lived. 

These letters were created by him. Maybe they were created with the hope that Yuta would never see them, but Yuta would overstep this boundary if it meant he got to keep a part of Taeyong alive for the rest of his life.

“It means so much to have something of his,” Yuta said. He felt his bottom lip quiver. “I will cherish these forever.”

Before he could say anything else, a loud cry rang from his parents’ bedroom. Yuta looked towards the closed door. It was a baby’s cry.

But there was no baby in the house.

He looked towards the two ladies, but they said nothing, though both of them did look a bit surprised by the sound. Lady Seulgi looked like she wanted to say something, but Lady Seungwan pulled on her sleeve, stopping her before she could open her mouth.

“What is that?” Yuta asked. 

He set the letter down and pushed himself off the floor. He walked towards the door, his footsteps heavy against the wooden floor panels, and knocked a few times. He heard a faint shushing and his mother’s voice, muffled by the door.

Apart from that, he received no answer. He knocked again, but he heard nothing. He pushed the door open slowly, curious as to what he would find behind it.

His parents were there, but Yuta knew that. They didn’t notice him, too busy whispering to each other. He saw nothing else and he was wondering if he had imagined the sound. 

His mind enjoyed playing tricks on him. Yuta swore sometimes he heard Taeyong’s voice calling him over or even Hajoon’s laughter twinkling somewhere far away. He heard Ruby’s feet scurrying across the floor and Zennie’s loud bark echoing outside, asking Yuta to come out and play.

A baby’s cry wouldn’t be too unbelievable for him.

He saw his parents look at something on the bed, his mother reaching out to touch something that lay beside his father. Another cry rang through the room.

He hadn’t imagined it at all.

“Mother?” Yuta asked, looking at her with wide eyes.

She jumped back in surprise and turned to look at him. “Oh, Yuta!”

“Mother, whose baby is that?” he asked. 

He looked at the bed. In the center, cradled at his father’s side, was a bundle of blankets. A small face peered out from the blanket cocoon, big eyes blinking up at the ceiling. 

It was not Jaemin.

Yuta was certain that he left Jaemin sleeping in his room, on the large bed where he slept beside Yuta.

And Jaemin had long since stopped liking being wrapped up. He was bigger now, too big to be wrapped so snugly in thick blankets. He was now walking around and grabbing at everything in sight.

Yuta’s mother cleared her throat.

“Why Lady Kang and her wife brought the child along with them,” she said. She swatted Yuta’s father away and reached down to pick the baby up. She cradled the child against her bosom and walked over. Pulling back the blankets, Yuta saw a small face and wide eyes looking up at him. “Isn’t she the prettiest?”

Yuta took a step back, looking away from the child in his mother’s arms. “Why―”

The child looked like them. Like him.

Yuta was sure he wasn’t imagining that. Each family member shared some features, no matter who they married and had kids with, one could see the resemblance between them. The round eyes were very similar. They seemed familiar, even though it was Yuta’s first time seeing the child. 

In his mind, he saw Taeyong, looking back at him with bright eyes and long lashes, something playful and happy twinkling in them.

“That’s not possible,” Yuta whispered, taking another step back.

Yuta’s mother frowned. “What are you saying, Yuta?”

He rubbed the heels of his palms over his eyes and looked at her again, but it was not his mind playing a trick on him. It was him. This girl was related to him.

Yuta gasped at the realization. Everything fit. The timing, the size, and age that the child looked… 

“Hayoon,” he said.

“Yuta?” his mother asked. She looked worried. She looked over her shoulder at his father, who also was beginning to look worried. She returned her attention to him. “Are you all right, dear?”

“Lady Seulgi,” Yuta called, turning away and leaving the bedroom.

Lady Seulgi set down a letter she was reading. She looked up at him, almost expectantly. She folded her hands over the table. “Have you found the second surprise I brought to you?”

“The child?”

Lady Seulgi stood up and smoothed down her dress, letting out a sigh. “Well, there is another thing I have to tell you,” she said. “The Princess―”

She paused and frowned. She looked troubled. Yuta realized why and he held back a sad sigh.

“I mean, Her Majesty, the Queen… she had her second child, but the child was ill at the time of birth. It was believed that she wouldn’t live past ten days. Believing this, Her Majesty was going to leave the child to pass on naturally, but we couldn’t allow her to do that. We took her as quickly as we could. Her Majesty offered a large amount to cover the expenses of any treatment, but with much love and care, the child survived by her own will,” Lady Seulgi said with a certain fondness in her voice. She met Yuta’s eyes. “She’s his niece, _your_ niece.”

Yuta was without words. “She is?” he asked. He heard the disbelief in his voice. He looked back over his shoulder, towards the bedroom where his mother had her. She was a part of the family. He returned his gaze to Lady Seulgi. “And her name?”

Lady Seulgi seemed hesitant to answer his question. Yuta wondered why. 

“Seungwan?” she called out, offering a hand to her wife.

Lady Seungwan took it and came to stand beside Lady Seulgi. “We have given her no name,” she said.

Lady Seulgi nodded. “We haven’t given her a name,” she confirmed. “She is only two months old… and with no name… Her Majesty didn’t even have any names she liked…”

“But there was a name that Taeyong mentioned a few times in his letters to Seulgi,” Lady Seungwan interjected.

Beside her, Lady Seulgi seemed to become upset at Lady Seungwan, who also seemed to realize her words were a mistake. “Seungwan,” she said firmly. “That is not for you to say.”

“What was it?” Yuta asked. He looked at each of them. He was opening and closing his fingers, forming fists at his side in anxiousness of wanting to know more. He looked towards Lady Seungwan. “Tell me, please.”

“Seungwan,” Lady Seulgi warned.

“He mentioned the name Siho,” Lady Seungwan said quickly. It was almost too quick for Yuta, but he had caught it. She looked at the floor, avoiding Yuta’s eyes. “In some of his letters, he mentioned that he wanted a daughter and that he would’ve liked her to be named Siho.”

Yuta froze and felt a shiver run down his spine.

“Shiho,” he murmured, looking towards his shoes. _Of course_. He smiled to himself despite the heaviness in his chest. “It’s Shiho.”

“You knew?” Lady Seulgi asked.

Yuta looked back up at her and shook his head. “No, no,” he said. “I told him that’s what I wanted to name my daughter one day. But he never told me that he wanted to do so as well…”

“You wanted to?”

“I did,” Yuta answered.

“So, her name is Shiho then,” Lady Seulgi said with finality.

“Kang Shiho,” Yuta said. The name felt odd coming off his tongue. It didn’t seem right.

By the look on the two ladies’ faces, it didn’t sound right either. Lady Seulgi reached out and placed her hand on his bicep.

“Lee Shiho,” she said softly. “She is part of them. Not us.”

“Lee Shiho,” Yuta repeated. He smiled sadly. “Lee Shiho.”

Lady Seulgi looked like she wanted to say something more, but Lady Seungwan pulled her back. She let go of Yuta and held her hands in front of her. She remained quiet, but Yuta could see something was bothering her. It was like she was going back and forth on something in her mind.

He could see the desperation, guilt, and confusion on her face. Lady Seungwan embraced her wife and whispered some words of comfort to her. Lady Seulgi reciprocated, holding onto her wife tightly, but she still looked troubled.

She finally pulled away. Her lips were set in a determined line and her eyes reflected the sentiment.

“We brought her here, to you, for a reason, Yuta,” she said firmly. “Seungwan and I, as much as we come to love her… we know that she does not belong with us. But with someone like you.”

“Me?”

Yuta looked at them. He was confused. Were they… leaving Shiho?

“You can’t possibly mean that―”

“We cannot have her and bring her around her family,” Lady Seungwan said, voice calm but firm. She wasn’t looking at Yuta, but something behind him. She couldn’t meet his eyes. “It would cause us great pain to know that Her Majesty would have to see her, knowing that she gave up every right to love her child. It would be a greater pain if Shiho ever found out.”

“But I cannot possibly take care of her,” Yuta said.

He already had one child, and he was the sole guardian of him. Jaemin had no other parent but him in this world. To have another… it would be troublesome. He worried that he would struggle to be able to support them both…

If she remained with Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan, she would be taken care of without having to worry about her future. She’d be clothed, fed, and educated. She’d have so much more than Yuta could ever give her.

But if Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan raised her as their daughter, she would go through a tremendous pain if she ever found out that her real mother had given up her and left her to leave the world alone. It would be painful to know that she had a mother, a father, an older brother, but they would never acknowledge her as part of their family… 

“Yuta, we understand if you can’t,” Lady Seulgi said. “We will love Shiho and take care of her.”

“It would just be me,” Yuta said. He looked at Lady Seulgi right in the eye. “I’d be alone.”

“Not alone,” she said quickly, grabbing his hands. Her thing fingers slipped into the space between Yuta’s. She gave him a reassuring squeeze. “You have us. Anything you need for her, we will give it to you. Clothes, money, food… anything at all, we will provide it.”

Yuta was taken back to the day where they left the palace.

_I know you’ll take care of them._

Them. Had she been speaking of Taeyong and her child this entire time? Yuta had thought she was speaking of Taeyong, Taeil, and Dongyoung, but if not… then Hayoon had known the entire time that her child would not be in her care but in theirs, raised away from a sheltered life as a second child, from the life that Taeyong had lived as a second child.

Freedom. Hayoon had granted them freedom, and she was giving her daughter freedom as well.

He understood it now.

Yuta had broken part of Hayoon’s promise. There was no bringing Taeyong back, as much as Yuta wished he could, but he could keep this part of his promise to her. He could not deny her.

And if Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan would be so gracious as to help him… nothing was holding him back from keeping this part of his previous life with him. 

Yuta blinked. “Every time I see you… are you going to bring me a new child to take care of?”

The two ladies looked at him for a second before breaking out into laughter. Lady Seulgi let go of her wife and hugged him tightly. Lady Seungwan followed, wrapping her thin arms around them both.

Shiho would never be alone. She would have him and his family, and in Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan, she would have more family. Like Jaemin, she would be loved by everyone around her and taken care of.

* * *

Yuta watched as Lady Seulgi and Lady Seungwan got into the carriage. They waved at him and the driver closed the door. He could see Lady Seulgi pull back the curtains and continue waving at him. The driver got back up front and prepared the horses.

With the resounding echo of the whip, the horses whinnied and moved forward, the carriage lurching behind. Yuta watched and waved until the carriage was gone from sight, disappearing down the main road and leaving Modan-ri.

He went back inside, shivering a bit as he closed the door behind him. He turned to take in the sight before him.

Haruna was holding Shiho in her arms and Jaemin was curiously peeking at her. His small hand reached out, but Haruna tutted.

“Jae-chan,” she said. Jaemin watched her with big eyes. “Be gentle with her. She’s still very little.”

Jaemin blinked a few times but then proceeded to gently poke Shiho’s chubby cheeks. Shiho made a small sound, which surprised him. He stumbled back but didn’t fall. He moved towards Shiho again, this time, touching her small forehead.

“Haruna,” Yuta said.

She looked up at him. “Yes?”

“It’s time for them to sleep,” he said. He made his way over and swept Jaemin off his feet, bringing him to sit on his hip. He made grabby hands at Haruna and Shiho. “Jaemin, you can play with her tomorrow.”

Jaemin looked at him with a frown on his face. “No,” he said.

Yuta knew that it was the only word Jaemin could say best, and it was his favorite word to say to everyone, so he didn’t take it to heart. He just continued and went into the bedroom. He laid Jaemin on the bed, but he scrambled up and stood on the bed.

“No, Jaemin, lay down,” Yuta said. “I said you can play with her tomorrow. You have to sleep.”

“No!” Jaemin exclaimed.

Yuta laughed and reached out for Jaemin. He carefully laid him down again. “Let’s sleep,” he said.

Jaemin looked like he was thinking about it. “Yes,” he said after a moment, making Yuta laugh.

Yuta heard the door open and he looked over his shoulder. Haruna walked in with Shiho still in her arms. His sister was cooing down at her. Shiho’s small fingers were wrapped around one of Haruna’s, and Haruna smiled, whispering something to her.

“Baby!” Jaemin squealed. He tried to stand again, but Yuta stopped him.

“Shiho is going to sleep, too,” he said. “She’s going to sleep here. But she can’t do that if you’re being loud.”

“No,” Jaemin said. He held a finger up to his lips. “Quiet.”

“Yes, quiet.” Yuta looked back to his sister and held out his arms. Haruna carefully placed Shiho into his arms and he brought her close to his chest. He smiled down at her sleeping face. He brought her closer to Jaemin and placed her down onto the bed. “She’s going to sleep.”

“Sleep,” Jaemin said. He settled down onto the bed and looked at Yuta with curious eyes. “Papa?”

“Good night, Jae-chan,” Haruna said, catching his attention.

Jaemin smiled. “Night!”

“Good night,” Yuta corrected.

“Good night!”

Haruna smiled. She looked at Shiho. “Good night, Shiho-chan. And nii-chan, good night to you, too.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Haruna,” Yuta said.

She left the bedroom and Yuta got Jaemin settled back into the bed again. It was always a bit hard to get Jaemin to settle down, and now that there was a brand new toy for him to play with, Jaemin was all too interested in staying up and poking at Shiho.

But as always, Yuta only had to mention one thing to get Jaemin to settle down. He lay on the bed patiently, looking up at Yuta.

“Papa?” he asked again.

It filled Yuta’s heart with happiness to see Jaemin so interested in it. Like this, Jaemin would always have a part of the person that loved him as Yuta did. He hoped that when she was old enough, Shiho would also look forward to hearing such stories about a special person that existed before she did.

“I know,” Yuta said. He made himself comfortable on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. “I have one. Cuddle close.”

Jaemin came as close as he could, trying his best not to squeeze Shiho in between them. Yuta brought his hand down and began to brush his fingers through Jaemin’s short hair.

“Where we used to live, Papa loved to listen to music,” Yuta said.

Jaemin looked up at him. “Papa,” he repeated.

“Yes, Papa,” Yuta said. “This story is about how Papa wrote a song. And this song was for you, Jaemin.”

Taeyong’s mind worked in wondrous ways. Growing up, Taeyong had to learn many things, and one of them had been music. His interest in music surpassed his interest in anything else, much to his parents’ displeasure. Instead of reading books about the land, Taeyong read the books that had music written in them, memorizing the notes and going to play them later.

Taeyong’s love for music reminded Yuta of Taeil. He was sure that Taeil could add more to Yuta’s stories. But for right now, Yuta had to do it all himself.

Days after they saw Jaemin, Yuta had found Taeyong tinkering on the piano in one of the rooms on the ground floor.

“A song,” Taeyong had said, “A love song.”

“For me?”

Taeyong’s laughter was loud. “Not for you,” he clarified, “For our son.”

It was a simple song that was easy to memorize.

_How long do you want to be loved?_

_Is forever enough?_

Taeyong had never finished but the melody stayed with Yuta. He sang the part that Taeyong had showed him a few times, repeating it. He rang his fingertip down the bridge of Jaemin’s small nose, Jaemin’s eyes falling shut. Yuta smiled.

When he was sure Jaemin was asleep, he stood up and left the room, taking the candle with him. He went back into the large main room. His parents had retired for the night so it was only Haruna out there, sitting at the low table.

“Haruna,” he said, sitting across her.

She looked at him. “Oh, hi,” she said. She motioned to the letters. “Will you read them all?”

Yuta hummed. He let out a nervous chuckle. “It makes me a bit nervous,” he confessed.

The words on those letters were Taeyong’s thoughts, thoughts that he never would’ve told Yuta or mentioned, or showed to him. It was another side of Taeyong, one that Yuta might’ve never had the chance to know.

Yuta carefully reached out and pulled the one that Lady Seulgi had said was the first letter. He didn’t unfold it. He looked at the broken seal on it, wondering what it could hold.

It felt a bit heavier.

“I’ll be here,” Haruna said.

Yuta looked at his sister.

“Read it,” she encouraged.

He looked at the letter again. Carefully, he unfolded it and began to read.

* * *

_Seulgi,_

_I’ve spoken to Mother about what we discussed during your visit. It is rather unfortunate. At least, that is what I thought. I imagined utter devastation. I imagined being stripped from my titles and assets, shunned for the rest of my life. In a way, there was devastation._

_Mother was certainly surprised by my confession, and Father more so. He left before I could explain anything. But Mother sat and listened. I told her that I cannot marry you, or any other woman in this kingdom. She said nothing until I was finished telling her my story._

_My ceremony is two weeks from now. She said I should’ve told her earlier, years earlier. She wouldn’t have invited any families that only have daughters had she known my inclinations. She believes it is a shame that they will have come for nothing. I do not see it that way._

_I worry. I worry that I may not find someone among those hundreds of people. If I look through the entire crowd and find no one, then what am I to do?_

_Seulgi, you grew up in this world. You know that there are many men like me. Most hide their affairs. They take a wife and have one or two children to hush the talk. Only a few make their real interests known. I have always longed to be someone that can proudly display my affections, but I realize that in my position, it may be harder to accomplish._

_I do find that my judgment is almost always correct. I am sure that I will be able to find someone like me. Even in the most isolated parts of the kingdom or in the most conservative areas, there are men like me. Maybe they are aware of it, or perhaps they aren’t. Regardless, I know that there will be at least one._

_But I also know that if I cannot find such a man, I will have no choice but to take a wife._

_I respect you and I will honor the word that I gave you. I will do everything in my power to help you in your journey to marry Miss Son. I’ve told this to Mother._

_It was foolish of me to give my word when I have no real power to grant you such a thing, but Mother saw my determination and together, we will work towards having Miss Son accepted by the High Court._

_So there is no need to fear or panic. I will not turn around and walk towards you during the ceremony._

_Perhaps someone like Lady Kim. She is younger than I am, but from what I’ve heard, she is rather intelligent. She comes from a very respected family. She’s talented in dance and singing. She’d make for a lovely bride for the Prince of the Southern Kingdom._

_I know that you are well-acquainted with Lady Kim. Please tell me more about her._

_Taeyong_

* * *

Lady Kim. Yuta had never heard of a Lady Kim.

He offered the letter to Haruna, who read it quickly. She looked confused as well.

“I have questions, but going by your expressions, I will receive no answers,” she whispered. She folded the letter and set it to the side before reaching for the next. “The next one.”

Yuta took it carefully.

* * *

_Seulgi,_

_As you saw, I have chosen the man that I want by my side. Want is a strong word, but I’m sure that in time, it will be the right word._

_I know that I did not have the opportunity to introduce you properly, and I apologize._

_His name is Yuta. He comes from a decent family that lives in a small village in the Yuksan Mountains. It is further north, so I’m not well acquainted with the area. Even looking at a map, I am lost._

_Taeil, as you know, has been assigned as his gentleman of the chamber. I try not to ask after him too often, but I am too curious. I sense that he is still uncomfortable. I feel guilty. I’ve pushed him into a position he had no desire to fill. I’ve left him alone, in hopes that he will be able to find comfort here. He has not even asked about me, at least that is what Taeil tells me._

_I’m going to be going on a trip soon. He seems to enjoy Taeil’s company. I’m sure he won’t even notice I’m gone. I am positive he will be in good spirits by my return._

_We are to be wed at the start of the eighth month. A trip to the Southern Manor has been arranged to follow the wedding._

_I expect little to change. But I am a patient man._

_Even if we only become good friends, I will be able to live my life without any regrets. I cannot stand the tension or the silence between us any longer._

_Now, in regards to our conversation the night of my celebratory ball, Mother has said that the High Court would be looking into it. But she expects a positive outcome. After all, you are still somewhat of a princess that belongs to this family. Perhaps not by blood, but I find that hardly matters when you look at the corrupted lord and ladies my family has protected._

_As you know, Uncle Jaejoong’s wife comes from a family that is very close to the Crown. Lady Sooyeon is a very distinguished woman, and when looking at her family tree…_

* * *

_Seulgi,_

_It brings me great pleasure to congratulate you on your upcoming marriage._

_I cannot say that marriage is what people told me it would be. My mother blessed our marriage with happiness and love, but I find little to be happy about when we are together._

_I do find Yuta charming. He is a beauty. I have been told by men and women alike. I can see it myself. We’ve recently had our portrait painted and Lady Ahyoung was kind enough to let me see the finished result beforehand. It is quite breathtaking. The expression in his eyes is nearly identical to the one he always has, something gentle and excited, ready to smile or laugh._

_But apart from his physical appearance, I see the attractive parts of his personality. He does not laugh often with me. He is still rather silent around me, but I do hear from Hajoon and Taeil about how boisterous he can be. I hear that he enjoys playing with Hajoon and has gotten quite close to him, close enough that Hajoon has given him a nickname._

_Taeil has also said that Yuta enjoys funny stories and jokes. He’s quick to understand and react. I didn’t believe it, but once, I did see it. I caught sight of him laughing at Taeil and it was a magnificent sight._

_Yuta is… rather marvelous. His beauty is immeasurable._

_In all honesty, I think I know more about Yuta than he knows about me._

_Taeil speaks too much and I am too curious. The more I learn about Yuta, the more fascinated I am by him. Could there be such a person in this world?_

_The answer is yes._

_I’m sure we both feel this way about our partners. Speaking off, I have arranged a very important gift for Miss Son and I’m wondering if she would like it. I’ve purchased it and was thinking of receiving your approval. What I’ve purchased is a…_

* * *

_Seulgi,_

_In your letter, you posed a question. And my answer is simple. I do believe that I love Yuta. It is foolish of me, I know. He has made it clear to me where his feelings stand. Yet, I cannot force myself to look away from him._

_Is this what it feels like to be in love?_

_I have many worries, but they all seem to disappear when I am beside Yuta. I look towards him and my heart feels at ease. There are moments where I wonder if he might feel the same, but it is only my mind playing tricks on me._

_I blame the light that shines on him or the angle at which I look at him. There is no possibility._

_Yuta has someone he’s in love with in his village. She is a beautiful young woman. You may have seen her at the wedding a while back. She is beautiful and has a wonderful personality. I spoke to her briefly and she seemed to have no resentment towards me._

_At the moment, I did catch sight of something that piqued my interest. A ring, around her finger. As we danced, she told me Yuta had given it to her._

_My heart cannot take it. Why did I choose someone whose heart will never face in my direction?_

_I am shaken up. Seulgi, was this difficult for you as well? Please let me know._

_How can I hold myself back after realizing that I want nothing, no one else but him?_

* * *

_Seulgi,_

_Something has happened._

_I have told Yuta that I love him. It has driven him away, so much so that he has taken back to sleeping in the rooms he had before we married._

_I spend nights working, just to avoid going into the bed we shared. It pains me to sleep. He has followed me into my dreams._

_I am not feeling too well…_

_I have forced Dongyoung to find more work for me to do._

_This brings me to something I wanted to tell you. Regarding the visit to the Southern Manor, I have arranged something and am pleased to tell you that..._

* * *

_Seulgi,_

_Yuta has said something to me and it has shaken up my entire world._

_Love._

_Well, he did not say he loved me, but he implied it. It was enough for me to cry._

_I suppose my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me all this time. There was something there. I feared that I have forced Yuta to reciprocate my feelings and a part of me wonders if he means it, but the look in his eyes when he told me… there was no denying it, Seulgi._

_We are two men, in love!_

* * *

_Seulgi,_

_There are many lies and truths in this world. I felt betrayed today._

_There are too many details for me to go into, but I will leave it at this. Instead, I will tell you my thoughts._

_Yuta has always been honest with me. It is hard for him to lie, as I’ve come to realize. He speaks from the heart and I take his word as truth. There has never been a reason for me to doubt._

_But when a terrible truth comes out, am I to believe that Yuta did not mean to lie about it?_

_I thought about it during my time away. I have concluded that I should believe Yuta. I understand the situation. I forgive Yuta’s parents and I forgive Yuta._

_He never meant to hurt me with this. I know that he only wants to best for those around him, including me. Keeping this secret protected me from something, from a horrible world where I could lose him. I don’t think I could ever handle a world where I did have Yuta by my side._

_I have dreamt about it before. I’ve told you this in previous letters. I dream of situations where he leaves me for one reason or another, and the ache that I feel in my heart is unlike any other I’ve felt in my life. I have to wake myself up and look beside me, remind myself that Yuta is there, sleeping._

_He has become a reassuring presence to me. As long as I have Yuta, I will never have to worry about anything else._

_Even if Yuta never tells me, I know that he loves me. I know that he does things out of love for me and I love that about him. If I go through this entire life without having him tell me those words, I will be okay and I will leave happy, because I already know._

_I’ve felt his love and seen his love. I don’t need to hear it._

_And this secret that he kept from me, I hope that he knows it is forgiven by me and by the Heavens. It was out of love._

_If the worse happens, I hope that Yuta can find the strength to forgive himself._

_I’d never blame him for anything that may happen._

_I just hope that he knows that._

* * *

He set the letter down.

His heart filled with warmth. Taeyong had always known it. There was never a need for Yuta to say the words himself.

Yuta’s eyes had tears in them and as he covered his mouth to catch his sobs, he felt relief. The weight on his shoulders seemed to lessen.

A million other emotions coursed through his body and he couldn’t help but laugh. He laughed as he cried, watery sobs escaping him. His sister pulled him into her arms and held him tight.

Pain. It was the last thing he felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s it! If you’ve made it this far, I applaud you!
> 
> Thank you for reading. If you came and dropped a kudos, bookmarked (publicly or privately - I know some of you are out there with private bookmarks!), or commented, thank you for supporting and showing interesting! Your comments made me smile and laugh. Some of you hit the nail right on the head with your thoughts, I am baffled, but I love it! Those that have found me on twitter, have spoken to me, and become people I am happy to call my friends, I love you. And if you’ve tweeted about this fic, thank you - I have seen it and I consider that the ultimate compliment. If you’ve talked about this with a friend or even thought about this in passing, thanks!
> 
> I started this a long time ago. I have had this in progress since I was like sixteen (?) and I’m twenty now! I have always come back to this WIP, adding more and more onto it, and finally finishing it in 2019 was a great experience. I have come to love it, and I hope you did, too.
> 
> Sappy shit out of the way, I do have notes!
> 
> \- This entire fic was inspired by I The Mighty’s “The Frame” trilogy. I would’ve said this earlier, but there are major spoilers in those songs. I found those songs years ago and just knew that I had to write a fic and that it would end like this. Listen to those, if you don’t mind some heavy guitar and some yelling bits, and just... take it in. They were part of the small playlist I listened to over and over while writing (if anyone wants the full playlist, let me know!)  
> \- Some of Taeyong’s lines are pulled directly from “The Frame” trilogy; if you listen, you’ll know!  
> \- One of Taeyong’s lines was loosely inspired by one of my favorites: Boys Over Flowers. But not just any version! I took a line from the 2018 Chinese remake, Meteor Garden (Dylan Wang, I love you.) Have fun finding that in this part!  
> \- The song Taeyong ‘wrote’ for Jaemin is “Lullaby” by the Dixie Chicks.
> 
> Aaaand, I think that’s it!
> 
> Now, I’ll end this like I have all the other parts: sorry for my mistakes! I had a bit of help, but no one is perfect, so we definitely missed some things!
> 
> Also, I know this ending is… unsatisfying, but as I said, I have plans! 
> 
> In the meantime, if you’d like to discuss this fic, any other fic I or others have written, NCT, or something not related to fic or NCT, I am [hantaluvr](https://hantaluvr.tumblr.com/) @ tumblr or [iuvarashi](https://www.twitter.com/iuvarashi) @ twitter!
> 
> For now, Happy New Year!


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